SARA HARLEY: STROKE OF EMOTIONS

I WROTE THOSE WORDS in a notebook when I was feeling particularly overwhelmed and vulnerable. My husband had a major stroke in 2017 and his health crisis became my health story as well. He had huge physical challenges to overcome, and as his life partner and sole caregiver, I experienced a roller coaster of emotions throughout his months of hospitalization and rehabilitation. During those terrible weeks that followed the stroke, I needed an outlet to deal with my feelings.

The images I created portrayed the stages of emotional healing, from tragedy through restoration. Like many devastating challenges in life, dealing with brain injury is a hard road. It’s a pilgrimage, sometimes rewarding, and often difficult. I learned the term “ambiguous loss.” After a brain injury, a loved one is physically present, yet transformed in countless, often subtle ways that totally change the essence of the person. That is a difficult thing to deal with and I have had times of terrible grief and feelings of complete helplessness, combined with a sense of guilt that I should be a better person. There have been moments when my sadness has been so great that it became physical, squeezing my heart and stealing my breath. I have had periods of self-doubt so overwhelming that I didn’t think I could cope with the future. I didn’t think I would have the patience or ability to do what I needed to do, or be who I needed to be. Through it all, I have used photography to help me cope. The possibilities and photo opportunities are endless, even for a person like me whose only photographic excursion was a daily dog walk.

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