CHIN CHECK By Charlamagne Tha God The Curious Case Of
Niatia Jessica Kirkland a.k.a. Lil Mama I have witnessed a lot of fuckery in my day. Humorous fuckery, tragic fuckery, depressing fuckery, and more, but the fuckery I witnessed on September 13th, 2009, was some fuckery that I have never seen before. The fuckery I am talking about is that of Niatia Jessica Kirkland a.k.a. Lil Mama. I had to Wikipedia Lil Mama because in my mind, I thought I had missed something. But according to her Wikipedia bio, I didn’t miss shit. One album (Voice of The Young People), the kid-friendly single (“My Lip Gloss is Poppin’”) and she’s currently a judge on America’s Best Dance Crew. When the hell did Lil Mama showcase dance skills worthy of being a judge on that show? Unfortunately I fear we will never know, but I digress. Let’s stick to the matter at hand. By now you all know that she crashed Jay-Z and Alicia Keys’ stellar performance of “Empire State of Mind” at the MTV Video Music Awards. She ruined what would have otherwise been a flawless performance. Jay-Z isn’t the most animated performer in the world, but he has such a massive catalogue of hits that when you do go to his shows, you’re sure to be entertained. On the night of September 13th everything was lining up for Jay perfectly. Exit out of the Maybach (10!), walk to the stage (10!), placing the New York Yankees hat on flawlessly (10!), rising from up under the stage to face the crowd (10!)! Alicia Keys was looking and sounding incredible too. The magic was there. Everything was so right until Niatia Jessica Kirkland made it all so wrong. When she approached Jay-Z immediately backed up, understandably, because Lil Mama came on the stage looking like a deranged Nas fan still mad about “Takeover.” Lil Mama looked like a wild Robot Chicken whose sole mission was to come and peck Jay-Z to death! My initial reaction was, “She’s corny for that.” Then, I realized maybe she got caught up in all the New York imagery on the stage and said to herself, “The only thing missing on that stage is a pigeon! Let me swoop in and really set it off!” It’s like that hood booger came out of nowhere! There was a rumor that Lil Mama was hiding under Sway from MTV’s hat the whole time waiting
for her chance to strike. The rumor hasn’t been confirmed, but it’s certainly believable. Plus, if you plan to crash the stage, could you at least dress for the part? Lil Mama looked like she was sponsored by Rainbow, Wet Seal, and Charlotte Russe. I had to look at it with my third eye, though. Sometimes you have to see things as they are, not as they appear to be. I feel that a higher power was in control of that Lil Mama situation because it was a symbol; a message to us. Wwe all need to stay in our muthafuckin’ lane! TLC said it best: “Don’t go chasing waterfalls / Just stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.” In Lil Mama’s case, she should stick to those puddles, and don’t go jumping in grown people’s pools! I hate to say this, but I would love to see Lil Mama blackballed for a little while after that stunt. It’s not like her career was popping off crazy to begin with but whatever little bit of life was left, I would like to see that shut down for a second. These little kids have to realize that there are consequences and repercussions to their actions, and they can’t just ruin an OG’s moment because they feel like it. So, Niatia Jessica Kirkland, I just want you to go away. No freestyles, no songs, no interviews. Just disappear until they start shooting the Keyshia Cole biopic. The role you were born to play (a young Frankie) lies in that film. Streetfully Yours, Sincerely Gangsta, Gutta Always, Charlamagne Tha God Follow Me On Twitter www.twitter.com/cthagod www.twitter.com/missfree
1. DJ Head Debiase (pictured at right) www.myspace.com/djheaddebiase In what’s obviously supposed to be a play on the name of the popular wrestler Ted “Million Dollar Man” Dibiase, this one falls flat broke. Its never a good idea, especially as a dude, to have any type of fellatious innuendos in your name. Oh, he’s an Aphilliates DJ, by the way. 2. Get Your Life Together Promotions
Funny that this is the name of a group that has gone down in internet infamy for performing a song titled “I Eat the Pussy” on stage with small children dancing next to them. Practice what you preach, no?
3. Nut-Rageous
www.myspace.com/poorpocketmuzik Granted, the candy bar is a favorite of many, but the name still sounds questionable. To actually adopt it as a rap moniker is even more nutty. by Maurice G. Garland
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