jb’s 2cents
10 Things I’m Hatin’ On
I
’ve never been one to speak out much when it comes to politics, because it usually comes down to choosing between the lesser of two evils and I don’t care enough to research ‘em. But, like everybody else, I’ve jumped on the Barack bandwagon, and it’s not just because I’d gladly be his Monica Lewinsky. It’s because he doesn’t come off like a complete idiot when he speaks. I’m all for women in power, but Hillary seems fake to me, and our current regime clearly needs to go because the president is on TV completely clueless that gas prices are approaching $4.00/gallon.
PART 1
by Alexyss Tylor a.k.a. the Vagina Power lady Alexyss had so much hate this month we had to split it into two parts!
3. Down Low Brothas Men around here sucking dicks, fucking multiple dicks, and they ain’t letting they women know that they really like to suck dick and swallow sperms, and it’s bothering me because it’s a lot of treacherous ass, dick suckin’ ass niggas out here that’s really cheating on the women, and misleading the women, pretending like they like pussy when they really thinking about the boy’s pussy that they got, that they like to fuck, and that they like to suck. They professional dick suckers, and these women don’t even know what time it is out here. They not telling the women; they just think it’s a funny game. And they’re not using condoms with their men lovers, and they come back sticking they dick in a woman’s mouth. It’s creating another cycle of HIV, AIDS, and STD’s for black women to have to deal with, and we’re already the frontrunners for STD’s and AIDS.
JOHN REGER D-RAY
Gangstas in New York
Big Bosses in Vegas
Tastemakers in St. Louis
Beverlys in New Orleans
Slutmonkeys in Miami
10. Penis Hygiene A lot of times we’re having to deal with men that are uncircumcised, but then we pulling they skin back and it’s a odor, and it’s a lot of grease, what they call down here nap butter, and it cakes underneath the dick skin. //
I’ve been expanding my little side hustles to compensate for all the broke advertisers who are fucking me recession-style, and one of those side hustles is booking shows. The music industry itself is dirty to begin with, but booking agents and club promoters are the worst of the worst. They’re like the used car salesmen of the music industry. On top of that, artists (or their management) make up for their lack of record sales by trying to charge $20-25k when they have one record. When promoters say they want an artist for $5k, I just laugh. Those don’t exist anymore. You come across a lot of inept managers through booking shows, like the ones who bounce you around to three different people and still won’t give you a straight response to the simple question you asked, or the ones who insist you “fax an offer” instead of just texting you back the price. It’s 2008, people. Are we really still stuck on fax machines? Some people won’t even respond to $50,000 offers. Must be nice. Then there’s other artists like Fabolous and Gucci Mane who (if you’re lucky enough to get a response) refuse to travel to host a party. If somebody wanted to give you, say, ten stacks to fly out to Vegas and hang out for the night, what would you say? Someday they might be wishing they had taken those flights. But, I digress. Do y’all, cuz umma do me - word to Rocko who was a little sore at us after last month’s issue (and Roccett, and Jeezy, and Big Boi). I do talk a lot of shit myself, but being the editor, I also take the fall for everybody else’s shit talking, which is dangerous now that we’ve got plenty of smart asses on the OZONE roster. I can’t lie, 2008’s been kinda rough so far. But like those big-ass Obama posters say, I’ve got hope. You wanna see how it’s done? Watch me do me.
KING YELLA
4. Hanging Nuts I’m hating on hangin’, stankin’ nuts. A lot of men wear these damn tight ass pants. Niggas is walking around with these damn tight ass pants wit’ no draws on and you can’t see they dick, but you can see they nuts. It’s like hangin’ nuts showing through the pants. It’s really nasty first of all for a man’s nuts to be longer than his dick, that’s a problem, and then second, all you can see is his long saggy nuts coming through the damn pants, or hangin’ on one side of his damn draw leg or pants leg. Get yo’ pants tailored, or taken up, or something, but we don’t have to see all that.
It was a loooooong winter, wasn’t it? The music industry is reeling, like every other industry I guess, and a lot has changed since I last sat down to pen my 2 Cents. The editor of XXL got fired and now he wants to be Facebook friends with me. Who am I going to talk shit about now? The Source? Too easy. Over here at OZONE, we also made some changes to get more positive vibes flowing around the office. At the end of the day, people don’t change. If they’re a disgruntled lame when you hire ‘em, they’re gonna be a disgruntled lame when you fire ‘em. Contrary to what anybody tells ya, OZONE is alive and kickin’ on the West Coast from the Bay to L.A. to Vegas to AZ, and you already know we still rep Florida and the whole South. The OZONE Awards are going to be in Houston this year. But honestly, who are we going to give awards to? I really hope everybody steps their music game up between now and August, because right now, the nomination selections look kinda weak.
KING YELLA
2. Down Low Sistas I’m hatin’ on women that are sneakin’ around eating pussy when they got a husband at home, and won’t tell him that they really like fish. That bothers me because women are deceiving. They’re misleading their husbands, and they’re tricking them. A lot of these women’s husbands are probably good men, hard working and honest, and they’re committed to their relationships and making it work, but the woman is tricking the man, putting him in a position where she can have him to herself, and so he can’t share the dick, but then she ‘round here eating up all the pussy she can damn slurp up.
It doesn’t take an economist to tell us that we’re in a fucking recession. Any d-boy can tell you that. You know it’s bad when street hustlers are more aware of the state of our economy than the leader of the free world. But, then again, I guess if I spent most of my time on a private jet and vacationing on a ranch, I wouldn’t have a clue either.
TERRENCE TYSON
1. Homewreckers It bothers me because women are competing with other women’s pussies. They thinkin’ “I just wanna show that bitch she ain’t shit. That’s why I wanna fuck her nigga.” So a lot of times it ain’t even about the nigga, it’s about the woman on the outside that’s fucking the nigga just to show the other bitch she ain’t shit, because she’s jealous what the woman has accomplished, or because she feels insecure that she ain’t got nothing, or because she ain’t got a man of her own. It’s a lot of women out here, fucking out of pussy competition. It ain’t even about the nigga.
- Julia Beverly, jb@ozonemag.com Pimps in Vegas
Bun B f/ Sean Kingston “That’s Gangsta” B.O.B. f/ Amy Winehouse “Grip Your Body” Kidz N The Hall “Driving Down The Block” Stuey Rock f/ Rob Fetti “Nymphomaniac” Grind Mode f/ Rick Ross “I’m So High (remix)” 2 Pistols f/ T-Pain & Taydizm “She Got It” Rick Ross f/ Jay-Z “Maybach Music” Lyfe Jennings f/ Lil Wayne & T.I. “Brand New”
RE’Splaylist
randy.roper@ozonemag.com Webbie f/ Letoya Luckett “I Miss You” Joe Budden “All Of Me” Treal “The Crush” Shawty Lo “Foolish”
OZONE MAG // 15