Ozone Mag #62 - Dec 2007

Page 37

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Celebrity Sex Tapes We Never Want To See We were dying to see Paris Hilton’s sex tape and the Kim Kardashian and Ray J smutfest, but we’ll pass on any of these celebrity sex tapes if they ever hit the black market. by Randy Roper

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R. Kelly & Lil Mama

We already know how Kells [allegedly] treats underage girls. We don’t need him pissing all over Lil’ Mama and messing up her lip gloss.

Janet Jackson & Jermaine Dupri

Every man wants to see a Janet Jackson sex tape... as long as JD isn’t in it.

Rick Ross & Fantasia

On his debut album Port of Miami, Ross let the ladies know he’ll “Hit U From The Back.” But most women weren’t trying to hear that, except for Fantasia. She loves hood boys.

Lil Webbie & a Bad Bitch

As borderline-rapist as the lyrics to “Gimme Dat” were, we’d hate to see Webbie end up sharing a cell with Mystikal if this tape were to end up in the hands of the law.

New York & Midget Mac

As the saying goes, “we’re all the same height in the bed,” but the thought of this one just doesn’t feel right. And for some reason, the grossest images of New York come to mind more so than Midget Mac.

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Karrine “Superhead” Steffans & Bill Maher

Superhead has skills with her head game but the last person we want to see get deepthroated by a Hip Hop video hoe is a 50-year-old white man. Something about this just seems politically incorrect.

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Flavor Flav & Deelishis

Biggie’s line on “One More Chance (Remix)” suits Flav well, “black and ugly as ever,” however, that badonkadonk on Deelishis is a sight for sore eyes. Just not with Fuffy Fuffy trying to mount it.

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Usher & Tameka Foster

If it were Chili or Naomi Campbell…yes. But it’s Tameka Foster. No thank you.

Russell & Kimora Lee Simmons

Even in her mid-30s after two kids, Kimora Lee is one fine piece of Korean and Black bootay. But no one wants to see Russ’ old wrinkled ass. Better yet, we’ll just blur him out of the tape.

Lil Wayne & Birdman Tape

Ok, bad joke. But seriously, we never ever, never ever want to see this. //


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