CHINCHECK
by Charlamagne Tha God cthagod@gmail.com
THE ART OF SHIT TALKING
T
alking shit is an art form. It’s a skill that is never recognized, a craft that is never acknowledged, and a gift that has not been given its just due. The reason? Because everybody talks shit! For example, nowadays everyone raps, and like rap, some of us are better than others when it comes to the game of talking shit. I consider myself to be one of the best shit-talkers. I am what you call a professional slang spitter, heavy hitter, shit talker! Don’t nobody run off at the mouth better than me! That’s why I loved reading The Chronicles of Pimp C in the last edition of OZONE! Pimp was talking a lot of shit! Or, let’s not say “talking shit.” Pimp C was stating his opinion. Yeah, that’s better. “Stating my opinion” is what we’re going to claim we’re doing whenever we’re talking shit. I don’t think people in this world state their opinion enough, at least not in public. People talk shit or state their opinion in private all the time. You could be sitting around and someone might say, “Chingy is whack,” but you won’t hear that statement being made too often in public (even though, in my opinion, it’s the truth). When a statement like that is made, someone will comment, “Oh, he is just talking shit,” but I am just stating my opinion. That’s why I can’t knock Pimp C for anything he said. If he thinks Russell Simmons gets dick in the booty, then that is his opinion. If he thinks Ne-Yo is a pillow biting prick that wears lip gloss and gets dick in the booty, that is his opinion. If he feels ATL is not the South (even though that is one of the most ignorant things I have ever heard a person say in my life), then that is his opinion and he is entitled to it. Freedom of speech and freedom of expression! I can say what the fuck I want to say, whenever I want to say it, to whomever I want to say it to. For example, if I feel like expressing my feelings about the new T.I. vs. T.I.P. album, then I can do that. I think the new album is just okay. With previous albums, he has set the bar high, so I think this one is borderline whack. If you ask me, the T.I.P. part is bangin’! I’m playing it as a type this, but you know who kills the album for me? T.I. kills it. I can understand why T.I.P. wants to get rid of this dude. T.I. is trying a little too hard to please the industry, and his whole section of the album is quite shaky, especially the much-hyped collaboration with Eminem titled “Touchdown.” That song, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the whackest songs I have ever heard in my life! If you put two of the best emcees on the planet together on one record, something should manifest from the booth other than pure garbage. Remember, I’m not talking shit. Just stating my opinion. Does the album get back on track? Yes, when Act III starts and my favorite song on the al bum comes on, “Tell ‘Em I Said That.” After that the album ends with a bang, but it’s too little too late. Overall, T.I. vs. T.I.P. suffers from a severe case of L.O.T. (that’s Lack of Toomp, people, keep up) not to mention the absence of the P$C. No Young Dro, no Big Kuntry, no Mac Boney? I mean, damn. All eyes are on T.I.P. right now, so why wouldn’t he showcase his crew on this record when he knows everybody’s listening? Just my opinion. I’m entitled to it and I’m not afraid to express it, just like Pimp C when he talked about Young Jeezy having kilos for $17,500, and you know good and damn well that is who he was talking about! If I was there, I would’ve been popping shit or stating my opinion right along with him. I would’ve said, “Hold up, Pimp, while you’re talking about Jeezy, let me talk about Young Buck.” Now, I like Young Buck. My homie Big Worm told me he
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came to the Pub in Orangeburg, SC and went in the kitchen and fried his own chicken wings. That’s real hood figure shit! I can appreciate a man who will fry his own chicken wings in the kitchen of a packed club, but Buck knows damn well he can’t get no kilo of nothing for ten stacks! That whole Ten-A-Key thing is not real! If there were kilos for ten out there, I would have to cop at least twice! Fifty grand each time; why wouldn’t I, when I’m going to make $100,000 or more back? If kilos were going for ten grand in Tennessee, I would encourage college kids to invest their money in dope! Forget buying property or shares of stock. Kilos for ten stacks is a guaranteed come up! So if Buck knows where the kilos are for ten grand, why is he rapping? I’m not talking shit, I’m just stating my opinion – something that more of us here in Amerikkka 2007 need to do more often. Talking shit or stating your opinion will stop people like LL Cool J, who no longer needs to rap, from making albums. He’s a wrap. His time is done. Go back to Hollywood and keep getting money out there. Don’t get me wrong, LL was that dude. But right now, in 2007, he doesn’t stand a chance like an eightball of cocaine that Bobby Brown forgot he had in his coat pocket. You just don’t have it anymore, LL, and it’s not my fault. Blame nature. That, ladies and gentlemen, is not talking shit. I’m just stating my opinion. So what have we learned today? Shit talking is good for the soul. Opinions are not meant to be held in. They are supposed to happen like bowel movements; quite naturally. Express yours, because the life you change by talking shit may be your own. Until the next shit talking session – Peace, Charlamagne Tha God Photo by Mr. G