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GREATEST HITS
In honor of our five-year anniversary, we’ve rounded up some of the most entertaining cocktales from our always-popular Groupie Confessions.
And now, for the disclaimer: These “Confessions” are anonymous, so we cannot verify if they are true or not. All details (cities, club names, hotel names) have been removed. These stories do not necessarily represent the opinions of OZONE Magazine. These stories did not necessarily occur recently, so if you are currently seeing one of these fine gentlemen, no need to curse him out. These stories are from different women.
01 // 50 CENT
“[50] just dropped his pants. He had boxers on, and he was all hard. His penis was poking out, like ewwwww. It was small, like, ‘What the fuck!?’ I told my homegirl it was gonna be small cause he got all those damn muscles, but she ain’t believe me. She was more devastated than I was after we saw it.” (Issue #40 December 2005)
02 // ALLEN IVERSON
“[Allen Iverson] has the littlest, ashiest dick I’ve ever seen. It’s like, nonexistent. He looks like he should have a pussy. And it’s dry. I would give him four inches at best, and skinny.” (Issue #29 November 2004)
03 // BENZINO
“I would recommend Benzino. He’s freaky as hell. He’ll lick any hole that you ask him to. If anybody reads this, he’s gonna get a lot of pussy.” (Issue #29 November 2004)
04 // ELEPHANT MAN
“Elephant Man will have you all over the room. Carrying you around the to the sink, in the bathroom, all that. But it was all this pumping with no action, you get what I’m sayin? Like a jackhammer. His dick is like, short and stump. Girl, I was in the bathroom on the damn sink! Are you serious? ‘Pon di river!’” (Issue #41 January 2006)
05 // FIELD MOB
“Shawn Jay is really nice and he’s good, great all the way around. I was fuckin’ Shawn but I liked Smoke. Both of them are really, really sweet. He’s great in bed, too. He’s big. He’s a keeper, trust me.” (Issue #41 January 2006)
06 // FREEWAY
“He’s nice, a sweetheart, a real nice guy. He’ll eat your front quick. He’s the type that likes to please. But he wasn’t lying when he said he’s a Trojan guy. Not the Magnums, the regular kind.” (Issue #41 January 2006)
07 // JADAKISS
“Jadakiss is a minuteman, for sure. It doesn’t even count as sex because he busted so fast he didn’t even really stick it in.” (Issue #29 November 2004)
08 // JAY-Z
11 // METHOD MAN
“He’s a very interesting character. He’s a beast, he likes to tell you to lay down, do this, do that. He’s very controlling.” (Issue #29 November 2004)
12 // MOBB DEEP (HAVOC)
“Havoc wanted to suck on a bitch’s toes and lick my asshole for like forty-five minutes. He’s a toe-licker and an ass eater. We took a shower together... he put my right foot in his damn mouth. I’m like, ‘Boy, you crazy.’ It was just a cover up for his medium-sized dick. [The sex] wasn’t mindblowing or anything. Like, Alright, see you later, where’s 50?” (Issue #40 December 2005)
13 // NELLY
“Nelly’s got a small wiener. I’d compare it to those little sausage links; that’s how I’d describe his thing. ‘Bout the size of my Newport. (laughing) And trying to get me to swallow his pimp juice? Please.” (Issue #31 February 2005)
14 // NOREAGA
“Noreaga likes getting his ass licked. I was like, ‘Oh, hell no.’ He’s fat. He got a big ol’ stomach. He was bending over and I was on X, so I was gonna do it… He was bent over, I was thinking, ‘Why the fuck is this gangsta rapper bent over trying to get me to suck his ass?’” (Issue #31 February 2005)
15 // PLIES
“Plies got his own thing going on. He likes the lights on. He likes to see everything and look at everything. Before he about to nut he takes his condom off. Every time, he always takes it off so he can see it coming out. He do it every time.” (Issue #46 June 2006)
16 // PRETTY RICKY (SLICK ‘EM)
“It was pretty good, but… he liked to play around a lot. That’s kind of a turn off when I’m in the mood to do something and he’d be telling jokes, acting silly, playing around.” (Issue #37 August 2005)
17 // SLIM THUG
“He answered the door in his boxers... I started taking off all my clothes. I don’t know why, I guess it was the adrenaline rush or maybe the Grey Goose. He threw me on the bed and that turned me on even more. We fucked for like an hour, and it was a good hour, too.” (Issue #46 June 2006)
“[Jay-Z had] the biggest dick you will ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one liter Pepsi bottle, what do they call those things? The 20 ounce bottle…it could block the sun… And he screams like a bitch when he busts. It’s horrible. He has a humongous dick and no idea what to do with it.” (Issue #29 November 2004)
18 // TRACY McGRADY
09 // LIL WAYNE
19 // TRICK DADDY
10 // MARIO WINANS
20 // TYRESE
“He does stuff during sex, like he might be smoking during sex or drinking during sex… and he always says, ‘Please say the baby.’” (Issue #37 August 2005) “Mario Winans does drugs and I don’t. So he was real rude. He didn’t really care about having sex anyway. He tried, but it only lasted like two minutes.” (Issue #36 July 2005) 26 // OZONE MAG
“We’d watch TV first, while he put baby powder on his bed. He says it makes his skin soft. He’s real, real boring. Watch TV, start kissing, turn around, from the back, turn around, cum. Every single time. Same thing. I used to give him head just cause I was bored.” (Issue #34 May 2005) “We were there for hours... his shit is like, king ding-a-ling for real. I don’t know how long cause I didn’t have a measuring tape. I’d give him like 8 1/2 inches. He’s very, very good. He was on point.” (Issue #40 December 2005) “Tyrese’s mouth should be for rent. His mouth and dick are both good. He’s working with something major. It was, like, R&B sex. More sensual.” (Issue #29 November 2004)