Setting The Black Race Back 100 Years Award Winner: Mz. Peachez’ “Fry That Chicken”
This was the biggest display of coonery since minstrel shows and blackface. Mz. Peaches should be banned from life after making some shit like that. Anybody who watched that video is a little dumber after witnessing such an ignorant portrayal of the African-American affinity for chicken. The worst part is; it’s actually a catchy song.
Website Of The Year Award Winner: Myspace.com > Runner Up: YouTube.com
Myspace.com has become an outlet for hidden whores all over the world to connect and reveal their once secret sexual deviant type ways; it brings out the freak in folks in a way Blackplanet never could. In addition, Myspace gives every wannabe artist and aspiring model a false sense of hope, but hey, we still love it.
Biting The Hand That Feeds You Award < Winner: Cristal Champagne Runner Up: Yola
Cristal had a good thing going; for years they had the whole rap world drinking gold bottles. Cristal used to be a symbol of status, but ever since Cristal’s managing director, Frederic Rouzaud made some comments Jay-Z perceived to be racist, the champagne has been boycotted faster than Tommy Hilfiger clothes were ten years ago. Since this incident Cristal sales in the United States have fallen drastically.
Worst Dressed Award Winner: Big Oomp Camp >
We love Oomp Camp, but when will they realize that we aren’t living in the 90s anymore? Those damn colorful ass jumpsuits they wear everywhere are played out like Sega Dreamcast.
Weed Carrier of the Year Award < Winner: Young Dro Runner Up: Jim Jones
Weed carriers are essential to hip-hop entourages, but it comes a time in every sidekick’s career when he needs to claim ownership of the weed. Young Dro made a valiant effort to leave the King of the South’s shadow this year and become a weed owner. But he couldn’t quite shake the weed carrier stigma. Don’t fret Dro, even the biggest weed owners started out as weed carriers. Jay-Z carried for Jaz-O, Tupac carried for Digital Underground, Snoop carried for Dr. Dre. You still have a chance. We’d hate for you to become a lifetime weed carrier like Spliff Star or, God forbid, Memphis Bleek.
Unlikeliest Sex Symbol Award Winner: Lil Boosie >
If you ask us, Boosie resembles the neighborhood junkie more than the next Denzel Washington - but if you don’t believe that Boosie is the newest sex symbol down South, look no further than our very own photo galleries (www.ozonemag.com/gallery), where Boosie’s many distant lovers have got the internet going nuts. Oh, they like that, huh?
PHOTO CREDITS: OOMP CAMP, YOUNG DRO, LIL BOOSIE, & RICK ROSS PHOTOS BY JULIA BEVERLY
Best Kiss Award Winner: Lil Wayne and Baby
The sight of Baby and Wayne kissing on the lips was a hard pill for Cash Money fans to swallow. It was almost unbelievable and at first it left us wondering, was it an accident? Was it imposters? Was it Photoshop? All these thoughts and more probably ran through your head at first glance, but when Baby admitted to kissing Wayne, it was a sad moment for hip-hop.
Most Suspect Artist Winner: Kanye West Runners Up: The Rest of G.O.O.D. Music
John Legend won this award last year. We get the feeling Kanye West went out of his way this year to be extra flamboyant because he clearly hates losing awards. Unbuttoned shirts with taco meat chests are definitely not hip-hop. Since Kanye and John Legend are officially deemed suspect, we have no choice but to question the rest of the G.O.O.D. Music roster.
Most Repetitive Artist Winner: Rick Ross
You would think no one could be more repetitive than Dem Franchize Boyz or Mike Jones, but Rick Ross found a way. He actually rhymed “whip it real hard, whip it whip real hard,” with “whip it real hard, whip it whip it real hard,” “Atlantic” with “Atlantic,” and “twenty-two” with “twenty-two” twice. Not to mention the hook on “Hustlin’” is eight bars full of “Every day I’m hustlin’, every day I’m hustlin’.” Mike Jones, who?
The 14:59 and Counting Award Winner: Karrine “Superhead” Steffans > Runners-Up: Buffie The Body, Hoopz
She wrote about fucking and sucking has-beens and now she’s about to become one too. Oh, hold up! Add another minute to that stopwatch - she’s reportedly pregnant by Bobby Brown and is planning to have a reality show about their romance. Good thing she has something to fall back on, because Nas’ baby mama Carmen Bryan is moving in fast on the “Hoes With Book Deals” category. 71