CHINCHECK P
eace! What’s South Crackin’ with you homies? I’m back, Dr. Poison Paragraphs. I am to an article what Lil Wayne is to track 12 on The Drought Is Over Pt. 2 (That’s “I’m A Beast” for all you slow short bus types who spend hours trying to lick your elbows!). The 2007 OZONE Awards are upon us once again. Here are my predictions: TJ’s DJ’s HUSTLER AWARD DJ Khaled should win for the simple fact this dude is a radio personality/mixer. We all know radio is a thankless business and jocks/DJs make no money. So for Khaled to be doing what he’s doing and translating it into paper, he’s got to be hustling his ass off. He deserves this award. TJ’s DJ’s TASTEMAKER AWARD In order to give this award to the right person, you must first define “tastemaker.” Webster’s Dictionary defines it as “one that determines or strongly influences current trends or styles, as in fashion or the artist.” Well, it should be Jim Jones. He had everybody except me dressing like him this year. Ask Lil Wayne, he’ll tell you the same thing. BEST VIDEO Three 6 Mafia’s “Doe Boy Fresh” was crazy, but I gotta give it up to DJ Khaled. He made me wish I was him, running through the church in that one. BEST PRODUCER My heart says Polow da Don had the most hits, and Mannie Fresh made probably my favorite joint that is still the soundtrack to my joyride when I’m going down I-26 in Columbia (“Top Back”), but DJ Toomp is a monster! T.I. needs to let Toomp produce a whole album for him because their chemistry is like Nas and Premier, or Snoop and Dre. Think about it – he did “Dope Boyz,” “Look What I Got,” “U Don’t Know Me,” “What U Know About That,” c’mon. That’s Tip at his best, and only Toomp can bring that out. Not to mention that new Kanye single “Can’t Tell Me Nothing.” As a matter of fact, OZONE might need to give Toomp some kind of Lifetime Achievement Award. Just a suggestion! BEST MIXTAPE DJ Chuck T is my muthafuckin’ brother! He’s a South Crackaholic just like me! BEST RADIO DJ DJ Khaled is breaking a lot of records and he’s having the most impact right now. Look out for my homie DJFrosty.com to be in this category next year. BEST CLUB DJ DJ B-Lord is South Crack’s kingpin! Am I being biased here? Of course, but BLord gets busy! If he didn’t he wouldn’t be nominated, and he’s been waving the flag for South Carolina by himself for a long time. BEST RAP ALBUM Young Jeezy’s The Inspiration should win. Even though he went platinum, people slept on this album artistically and creatively. Jeezy really took it there, and he didn’t stray too far away from the trap. BEST RAP ARTIST (MALE) T.I.P. Do I really need to explain why? BEST RAP ARTIST (FEMALE) Diamond and Princess of Crime Mob should win. I love these two young ladies and you can’t deny their star quality. They need to put out their own album and start shooting their own reality show ASAP, and when Diamond turns 21 make sure she does King Magazine. BEST RAP GROUP This isn’t a fair category. Award Shows are for people who have had tremendous years, right? Well, 8Ball & MJG, Outkast, Three 6 Mafia, and UGK have had tremendous careers. They really should be excluded from this category. With that said, my personal favorite rap group this past year was Crime Mob. Hated on Mostly was slept on. “Circles” is still my shit. 16 // OZONE MAG
by Charlamagne Tha God cthagod@gmail.com
BEST R&B ALBUM Who cares? I bumps old Jodeci. BEST R&B ARTIST (MALE) I really don’t give a fuck! I like Ne-Yo and I got Bobby’s CD but didn’t bump it. T-Pain really went outside the box on Epiphany. Trey Songz is my man (he told me a long time ago I should be in New York; you spoke it into fruition, homie). I guess it should go to Akon. And I’d like to take this opportunity to throw some grease Lloyd’s way. Lloyd looks like a dirty-skinned girl. He’s got that bright orange in-between Mexican and Puerto Rican complexion, and he looks like he could’ve been roommates with Bert and Ernie. Seriously, doesn’t this flow: Bert, Ernie, and Lloyd? BEST R&B ARTIST (FEMALE) Another category I don’t care about. How ‘bout we rename this one the “Rip The Tip Of The Condom Off So When You Put It In It Rolls Back And You Can Bang Her Raw Award” and that would go to… Beyonce! God has blessed that young lady in so many different ways. She makes you look at your own girl and get mad, thinking, “Why the hell doesn’t your ass look like Beyonce’s?” BEST LYRICIST Andre 3000. It would be blasphemy to give it to someone else. BREAKTHROUGH ARTIST None of these dudes really broke through. “Breakthrough” means you’re nationwide and everybody knows you. The Shop Boyz, Unk, and Rich Boy all had records that were bigger than them as an artist. Boosie is still regional. He hasn’t broke through yet, but he will. Baby Boy da Prince (allegedly) broke through Fantasia’s pussy walls, but that’s about it. BEST RAP/R&B COLLABORATION T-Pain featuring Yung Joc, “Buy You A Drank.” I love this record for the simple fact that when I throw parties, I’m usually getting all or a percentage of the bar. This record made people buy drinks, and damn if it don’t sound good when you’re drunk in the club at 1 in the morning. CLUB BANGER Jim Jones “Ballinnnnn’!” New York 1, Down South too many points to keep track of and still scoring. MIXTAPE MONSTER Lil Wayne. If you’ve heard the Drought Is Over 2, I shouldn’t have to explain. MOST SLEPT-ON ARTIST Devin the Dude without question. Honorable mention Gucci Mane. BEST MIXTAPE / STREET ALBUM Lil Wayne’s mixtapes prove that the hype is real, but wake your ass up when it comes to my big homie Killer Mike. I Pledge Allegiance To The Grind will have you mentioning Mike in the same breath as T.I., Wayne, and Ludacris lyrically. BEST RAP ALBUM (WEST COAST) The Game’s Doctor’s Advocate reminded me of old Death Row shit. PATIENTLY WAITING I can only give you my picks for two of the Patiently Waiting Awards because I’m not up on what’s going on in those other regions. For Patiently Waiting Georgia, you’ve gotta give that to the homie Big Kuntry. He’s been waiting patiently for a long time and he stays on his grind. Fabo is a superstar and when he cracks, he gon’ crack. Fall back off the pills a little bit, though, homie. We don’t want to be talking about what could’ve been. Last but not least, for Patiently Waiting Carolinas, without question this should be a tie between Collard Greens and Lil Ru. They are on the same label, Headhunter Records, and I guarantee those two lil dudes from South Carolina are going to take over where Petey Pablo left off. Mark my words. So those are my thoughts and picks for the 2007 OZONE Awards. I want to salute TJ Chapman and thank JB for once again giving me the chance to express my opinion. If any artist is offended by the things I have said, God bless you and may the force be with you. //