chincheck
by Charlamagne The God I’m a real nigga and I don’t like rappers. Let me get my Mike Jones on: I’m a real nigga and I don’t like rappers, I’m a real nigga and I don’t like rappers, I’m a real nigga and I don’t like rappers. I hate rappers; fuck them all! What I really hate is the fact that all the good rappers are dead: Big L, Biggie, Big Pun, and ‘Pac. Chingy is still alive, and so is D4L - not that I wish death on them, but God must have a sense of humor. Doesn’t that seem like a cruel joke that the greats are dead but the whack get to live? I have so much on mind to share. Where do I start? Okay, let’s pick up where I started. I’m a real nigga and I don’t like rappers. I just finished watching the Smack DVD that was distributed by Koch and really I hate to see rappers spend so much time trying to keep it real that they come off as totally fake. I don’t understand why you dudes flash guns on DVDs and rock ski masks like you’re fucking Dumb Donald from Fat Albert and the Junkyard Gang. You muthafuckers talk about “stop snitching,” but the truth is you’re snitching on your damn self! You’re on DVDs committing crimes and talking about committing crimes! Guns are not legal and neither are pounds of reefer. You bastards be talking about what you will do if somebody run up on you and I swear to god you make me want to be the one to run up on you! I know that you guys are just pretending. I repeat, in my best DMX voice: I’m a real nigga and I don’t like rappers. I hate you bastards with a passion. Can we talk about some things? The “we” I’m talking about is my generation, hip-hop you idiots. Cam got shot and said that somebody threw up a Roc-A-Fella sign when they did it. Two days later he has a verse out on the “Get ‘Em Daddy” remix talking about the incident. He puts out the diss record to Jay the same week. Ironic, isn’t it?
Gravy goes to do an interview on Hot 97 and gets shot in the ass. He goes up to do the interview anyway, comes down, realizes he’s shot and instead of going in the ambulance he says, “Where’s my car?” A Bentley magically appears and he follows the ambulance. One week later, mix tapes pop up with titles like “Who Shot Gravy.” Ironic, isn’t it? Beanie Sigel gets shot and even the police say they think it’s a publicity stunt. He goes to the studio right after the incident and by the weekend he has a record out rapping about the incident. Ironic, isn’t it? Message to rappers: Publicity stunts do not work! Nobody cares if you get shot in the arm or in the ass! If you want to do a real publicity stunt and sell some records, do five good albums with great singles and hire somebody to kill you! You have to get MURDERED! Big L went gold after being killed, Biggie went diamond, and ‘Pac has sold more records dead than he did alive. In the words of Young Jeezy, “KILL YOURSELF!!!” I’m venting on a lot this month. I’m upset at Jay-Z because he’s letting Cam’Ron bully him. I dig Cam, but he’s wasting his time with rap. He should be a comedian. He’s one of the most entertaining rappers in the game and right now he’s winning the fight with Jay. You may not think so, but Jay’s not responding. That little not-so-subliminal shit on the “Hustlin’” remix was not what’s up! Cam came right back at Hov’s neck over the “It’s Going Down” instrumental and he talked about Jay not being able to justify his slippers. Jay being out of retirement is like Jordan on the Wizards; he got right in Hov’s ass! Hov is the president of Def Jam, he’s rocking suits and fucking Beyonce, but I think Cam might have pulled his card. Jay needs to go to Brooklyn, get a beef patty with some cocoa bread and take off the Louie Slippers. Put on the white Air Forces - not even the premium joints, just the plain white-on-whites, sniff some of that Marcy air and ether Cam lyrically. I know he can do it, but he hasn’t yet. Is he scared? He can’t be that busy, because if he was he wouldn’t have thrown the little jabs at Cam on the “Hustlin’” remix. That alone lets you know he’s talking about Cam. Fuck that diet shit you on with Beyonce, Hov, it’s time to go in! The streets are saying you got soft! Take off the blazer, remove the tie, let the world know Superman is alive! Now it’s 1:37 in the AM and I am tipsy from George Vesselle champagne and Alize and I’m trying to figure out why OZONE does not have a radio personality of the year award for the 1st Annual OZONE Awards! I would win it hands down! I’m 25 years old, I’ve been doing radio for six years, I’ve been to four different stations in South Carolina alone and have raised so much hell that my radio aunt Wendy Williams snatched me up and made me her co-host. I went from market #89 to market number #1 and am now syndicated on ten different stations throughout the country! Kiss my ass to everybody who treated me like a toilet and shitted on me throughout my rise to the top. But to be honest, nothing has changed and I still rep the dirt roads of Moncks Corner, South Carolina, and will beat you with a frozen turkey leg left over from Thanksgiving if you try to play me. I love you all dearly, unless you’re a fake ass gangsta rapper. I will end it like I started it: I’m a real ni**a and I don’t like rappers! Sincerely Gangsta, Charlamagne Tha God - Check out Charlamagne the God online at www.cthagod.com or www.myspace.com/cthagod 20
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