Hickory

INT. DRESSING ROOM, LOS ANGELES AUDITORIUM- DAY

MICHAEL, a dark skin black man, and EBONY, a brown skinned black woman, are getting ready for a presentation. Michael is arguing about the importance of what color pants he wears as he gets dressed.

MICHAEL: I didn’t want the hickory pants, I wanted the beige pants. If I wanted the hickory pants I would’ve asked for the hickory pants. But since I didn’t ask for the hickory pants then that must mean....

EBONY: You didn’t want (the hickory pants.)

MICHAEL: (over) I didn’t want the hickory pants. See wasn’t that easy? Now do you know why I didn’t want the hickory pants?

EBONY: Because you have a religious opposition to wearing any color darker than the (Sephora makeup collection?)

MICHAEL: (over) I’m dark chocolate, my turtleneck is ginger, the audience members will be between 30 and 300 feet away from me. If I wear hickory pants it will look like I’m just wearing a ginger turtleneck with no pants and people will be wondering what I look like when I don’t have pants on instead of listening to the words I’m saying.

EBONY: To be fair they’ll probably be thinking about the words you’re saying when you don’t have pants on. I’ve never taken you for much of a dirty talker, are you?

MICHAEL: The beige pants were supposed to nicely contrast the ginger and the dark chocolate and make them pop. Like the cover of an October GQ magazine. And if I’m busy using my mouth to talk I can’t use it for more important things.

EBONY: What’s more important than talking during a presentation?

| Taj Kokayi

MICHAEL: Not during the presentation, during sex. You’re telling me there were no beige pants anywhere?

EBONY: I don’t think the women you sleep with would be ungrateful if you opened your mouth once in a while. If there were beige pants you’d have them and we wouldn’t be talking about (Men’s Health magazine.)

MICHAEL: (over) Trust me, the women I sleep with are very grateful for what I do with my mouth. There are 250 clothes stores between here and Palo Alto. You’re telling me there were no beige pants between here and Palo Alto?

EBONY: I’m telling you there were no beige pants between here and Washington State. Do you honestly think there’s a conspiracy out to prevent you from wearing (beige pants?)

MICHAEL: (over) It was GQ.

EBONY: What?

MICHAEL: The magazine was GQ. Not Men’s Health. Men’s Health is focused on fitness and for the Chris’es and Hemsworth’s. GQ is for world changers.

EBONY: I don’t think it’s fair to say that you can’t be a world changer and look like a Hemsworth.

MICHAEL: Still. GQ has a much larger audience and is more on brand. Nobody buying Men’s Health magazine cares about color coordination.

EBONY: Probably for the best. Men’s Health isn’t really your target demographic.

MICHAEL: You don’t think I could be on the cover of Men’s Health?

EBONY: I’m not having this conversation with you right now. Have you made a decision?

MICHAEL: I’m still going back and forth between “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do” and “You should take the approach that you’re wrong. Your goal is to be less wrong.”

EBONY: I kinda like the first one.

MICHAEL: Really? I can’t decide is calling the audience “crazy” is too condescending.

EBONY: I don’t think it’s “crazy” as in unstable, I think it’s “crazy” as in innovative. Beside Elon Musk is too controversial to quote right now.

MICHAEL: I know it’s “crazy” as in innovative, Steve Jobs wouldn’t have said it if it meant unstable. But still, I don’t know if it segues well enough into my next point. And he’s only controversial because he’s changing the world at a faster rate than people are willing to accept. Now there’s someone I’d like to see on a GQ cover.

EBONY: Well if you can’t decide let’s flip a coin.

MICHAEL: I don’t think I have (my wallet-)

EBONY: (over) Heads or tails?

MICHAEL: What?

EBONY: Do I really need to repeat that question?

MICHAEL: No I just meant that I didn’t have a- Heads.

EBONY: Go with the Steve Jobs quote.

MICHAEL: We didn’t have a (coin).

EBONY: (over) I flipped in my head.

MICHAEL: You flipped for who would choose the quote or which quote we would choose?

EBONY: I flipped because you have 60 seconds until you go on stage and I just spent 12 of them talking to you about coins.

MICHAEL Fine I’ll go with Steve Jobs. If people tweet about me calling the audience crazy you and I are going to have a serious discussion.

EBONY: It’ll be better than them tweeting about you not wearing pants.

MICHAEL: Do you just keep a list of witty comebacks in your pocket?

EBONY: If I did I’d be going on stage instead of you and if I had pockets I wouldn’t have had to flip a coin in my head. Ebony opens the door so the two can exit.

MICHAEL: Ebony.

EBONY: Yes?

MICHAEL: (points to his pants) I think these are more of a walnut.

The door closes. END SCENE

Oddity | Rachel Weier | Photography