Home & Garden
thing to do to another person. As if that weren’t enough, the emotional fallout from cheating is serious. It often leads to symptoms of trauma in the betrayed partner that take months or years from which to recover. Nightmares, flashbacks, and triggers abound. Many relationships don’t survive. There are ethical ways to leave and mature people don’t pick unethical ones when they’re not happy in relationship. Those couples that successfully navigate the waters of open relationships do so with deep care and respect for everybody concerned — not just thinking of themselves, but also the needs of additional partners. They are good at delaying gratification. Surprised? Rather than traipsing off after every bright, shiny person passing their way, those in good open relationships discuss the potential traipsing beforehand. Another quality shared by successful poly relationships is that the primary relationship is strong. Those trying to hang onto a broken relationship while exploring new options at the same time aren’t likely to do well with either. Differences in sexual desire are notoriously tough to resolve. Therapeutic approaches often help couples explore the meanings each partner attaches to this difference. Why someone wants to open a relationship is important. Will these new experiences be about love? Will they include sex the other partner doesn’t enjoy? How does each partner expect it to affect the primary relationship? Truthfully, we therapists don’t actually change the level of desire of either partner very often. But we might help couples feel more satisfied in their relationships. Non-monogamy is one example. The desire difference remains, but the higher-desire partner has his or her needs met another way. If there is an underlying relationship problem, resolving it sometimes changes the level of desire. However, there are many ways to improve sexual satisfaction. Start with honestly communicating with each other, then consult a good therapist. Endeavor to behave ethically. Relationships evolve and desire naturally ebbs and flows over the life of them. Making your relationship more complex is a big and potentially difficult choice — and only a few can make it work. ● Melinda Myers is a Humboldt State University psychology lecturer, owner of Good Relations and a clinical psychologist practicing in Arcata. Information presented here is not intended to provide specific treatment advice. Consult www. ncamhp.org to find a licensed clinician who can help with individual concerns.
Continued on next page »
RENT-ALL Rentals • Sales • Service
• • • • •
442-4575
916 Broadway • Eureka, CA (Corner of Broadway and Washington) toll free: 800 500-4575
www.donsrentall.com
Fall Sale October 6-17 G&B Soil Conditioner
Clothes should smell clean. Not dry cleaned.
Eureka 442-2527 Burre Center
Arcata 822-3570 Sunny Brae Center
You’ve never worn anything like it.®
Buy 3 get 4th free!
20% off All Fashion Scarves
th
20% off All Plants
50% off
select Fiber Glass pots (new shipment)
Fortuna 725-9003 743 Fortuna Blvd.
20% off
PORTABLE KENNELS
Sloggers Shoes and Boots
•Standard & Custom Sizes •Easy Setup •Durable & Long-Lasting •Call for Prices
839-1571 • 1828 Central Ave. McKinleyville Open Monday thru Saturday from 8:30 to 5:30
Since 1963
RESTAURANTS, MUSIC, EVENTS, MOVIE TIMES, ARTS LISTINGS, BLOGS
N!
NEW
O ATI LOC
564 HWY. 36, FORTUNA licensed-bonded ca contractor #808339 RUSS@HUMBOLDTFENCE.COM
m.northcoast journal.com Bookmark the URL and it’s ready to go, right on your phone.
northcoastjournal.com • NORTH COAST JOURNAL • Thursday, Oct. 8, 2015
19