What do you mean, you want to leave your church?

"I'm thinking of leaving my church," said one of my close friends. Later, a second and a third friend also brought this up during a meal. Soon, I could no longer count with both hands the friends who had decided to leave their church, or the Church. What was happening?

When I started tertiary education, I joined a campus interdenominational Christian community and heard from other young adults what life in their churches was like. I heard accounts of spiritual growth and tight-knit small groups. I also heard of deep dissatisfaction and the desire to leave their churches.

For one group, they wanted to give up on Christianity entirely. They wanted to walk away from the universal Church. They had "tried church" and it did nothing for them. They had been through Sunday school and youth services, but nothing connected with them. Some I believe were true believers, but they lacked basic understanding of the faith. Others were like the hard ground in the parable of the Sower and the evil one had snatched away what little Bible truth they had (Mt 13:3-9, 18-23).

But there's a second group who wanted to leave the church. These wanted to leave their current local church for a new one. Common complaints from this group included: "I'm not growing in my church", or "The teaching in my church is inadequate." Many friends felt this way and they explored other churches, seeking one that could meet their spiritual needs. In my uncharitable moments, there was a minority of them whom I thought of as church (s)hoppers or consumers.

Another situation I experienced was when my own church small group graduated from youth ministry. Everyone took different paths, be it National Service, tertiary education, work, or something else. During this transition, it became difficult to meet as everyone was adjusting to a new life phase. To varying degrees, the group members deprioritised church. What I've noticed is that when a young adult's church community starts to falter, it can be demoralising, and one might start seeking other communities outside the church they grew up in. Some look for another church with a "more vibrant" young adult scene, others find an alternative community to replace church altogether.

There are legitimate reasons why someone changes church. I've had conversations where the quality of Bible teaching was the issue, the way worship was conducted, and even what the mission of the local church was.

Then there are more personal reasons for leaving. I've friends who have felt bullied or ostracised in Sunday school or youth ministry. Others have struggled with questions about the faith but could not find satisfactory answers. For them, the Bible came up short. (This should never happen in the Church! God's Word has the answers. This is one of the reasons that compelled me to help with the youth's Bible curriculum.)

One of the factors that helps keep people in church is service. The Holy Spirit has bestowed on every believer at least one spiritual gift (1 Cor 12:7-11) and it's our responsibility to use it to serve our local church (Eph 4:16). When I first began serving in Children's Ministry, it was humbling to hear fellow teachers tell me they'd been praying for weeks for another teacher; and I was the answer to their prayer! I realised that being part of the church meant being loving and unselfish as we engage in mutual ministry, using our gifts to care for one another (1 Cor 12:2526). Every believer is an integral part of the body and should be serving others with their spiritual gifts (1 Pet 4:10-11). I felt a greater sense of belonging, even ownership of my local church, after I began teaching Sunday school, and my peers that were serving felt the same way too.

One observation about those who leave is that many of them have not seriously considered this question: "How can I obey God and use my God-given gifts to build up the church I'm in?" Heart breaking as it is, some have a consumeristic attitude towards the church. They overemphasise: "How can my needs be met?" Perhaps they should heed Paul's words about each believer being given a special role to build up their church. The question then becomes: "How can I do my part to meet the needs of others in my church?" Serving is part of spiritual growth.

This is not to say that serving in church is always the answer to what keeps young adults in church. Many of my friends were very involved in their own churches before they decided to move to a different one. While we might be sad to see people leave our church for another, we should encourage them as fellow believers to stay strong in their relationship with God, recognising that every individual has their own spiritual journey to walk, regardless of which local church they decide to join. But from my experience, I have noticed that many who leave the church entirely had never really participated in the life of the church. They were more like consumers or spectators.

Thankfully, several Christian Fellowship friends who did change churches are now thriving. Others, after much reflection, chose to remain but they've applied themselves by bringing back to their churches what they've learnt from campus ministry. And we continue to spur each other to serve our churches with our spiritual gifts. Regardless of which local church we worship in, I take heart in the truth that we are all still unified as one: the body of Christ, the universal Church.

All her life, Mdm Ong Quee Huay, 81, had never celebrated Mother's Day … until last year.

Wong Pey Wah, 71, and Wong Soo Hwee, 63, a pair of MWS befrienders, had brought Mdm Ong out for simple Chinese fare at a food court. That broke down barriers between Mdm Ong and the duo, who had been visiting and befriending her for four years then.

"It was our first time bringing Quee Huay out for a good meal. We had become very familiar with her by then, so we knew her medical history, and what kinds of food she had to avoid," shared Pey Wah, a volunteer befriender at MWS Active Ageing Centre –Kebun Baru.

"Over that meal, she told us how touched and thankful she was as it was the first time someone brought her out to celebrate Mother's Day. Before, she seemed distant and saw us only as volunteers. But after that day, we became closer. We also found out that we share the same surname (in Chinese), and now we often joke that we are related!"

The concept of table fellowship, where barriers are broken down and bonds are forged over meals, is the basis of The Giving Methodist's Eat Share Connect campaign this year. Table fellowship was Jesus' way of connecting and establishing solidarity with the poor and marginalised, and generally, those who were considered outcasts during His time. Sharing a meal around a table is where strangers become friends.

From 22 February to 6 April 2023, Methodists are encouraged to connect with low-income families or the socially isolated over a meal. The campaign aims to build a more inclusive community by imitating Jesus' example of table fellowship.

Pey Wah, who attends Ang Mo Kio Chinese Methodist Church, will not only be taking part in Eat Share Connect, but has also rallied her friends to join the outreach and invite socially isolated seniors in their neighbourhood for a meal.

"I intend to bring Quee Huay and another befriendee out for lunch. Both of them are elderly and the pandemic has really exacerbated that sense of loneliness. I hope the get-together will open up their world and assure them they are not alone," shared Pey Wah.

"After retiring, I've been looking for ways to give back to society. There are a lot of socially isolated elderly out there who need our care, and I want to reach out to them. I want them to feel like they are a part of the community, and it makes me happy to see others happy."

As we rebuild our social lives after the pandemic, let us not forget the disadvantaged, isolated and distressed who continue to feel the strain of the crisis.

Eat Share Connect is a communal outreach centred around table fellowship, which was Jesus' way of connecting with the marginalised and outcasts during his walk on earth. The epitome of love, Jesus broke barriers to embrace all with open arms.

This Lent , be a friend to those in need by hosting a meal for them at your home, church, an MWS Centre or in public venues like community clubs. You can also give a donation to provide meals to those served by MWS, or spread the word and encourage others to join the cause.

For more information, visit www.thegivingmethodist.sg or scan the QR Code to donate.

Joe Ling is an affiliate missionary of Methodist Missions Society, serving in Nepal as the Country Director. He is married to Connie and they are both from the Sarawak Chinese Annual Conference (SCAC). / Photos courtesy of Methodist Missions Society

The Methodist Church in Nepal (MCN) has adopted L.O.V.E. as the acronym representing the key focus areas for MCN churches. L.O.V.E. represents Leadership Development, Organisation Framework, Vibrant Community, and Enduring Ministry.

In line with the L.O.V.E. goals, the theme for the 14th Session of the MCN Annual Meeting was "To Grow In Love". After three years of conducting the Annual Meeting via Zoom due to the pandemic, the Annual Meeting was held on 3 November 2022 onsite at Wesley Bardan Methodist Church (WBMC). It was presided over by Bishop Dr Gordon Wong. It was attended by Rev Derrick Lau, MCN Mission Superintendent and MMS Executive Director; Rev Vincent Goh, Field Board of Ministry (FBOM) Chairperson; and Rev Benjamin Lee, FBOM Registrar.

There were two guests from Barker Road Methodist Church, Dr Serene Chee and Ms Leong Chin Yee.

The Annual Meeting included the Ministerial Meeting, a Fellowship and Welcome Dinner with the national church leaders in Nepal. The presence of Nepali church representatives from other denominations underscored MCN's growing relations and unity with them, which has enabled church leaders to encourage one another as they share in undertaking the gospel work in Nepal.

For the first time, there was a vibrant Nepali Praise & Worship segment at the Opening service. Bishop Dr Gordon Wong preached on "Peace", once again reminding us all to pursue the true peace that can only be given by Jesus Christ alone.

During the Closing Service, Rev Derrick Lau preached on "War Against Strongholds". As servants of Christ, he reminded us to be alert, watchful and be ready for war against strongholds. Rev Pradip Kumar Limbu, the sixth Elder, was ordained. Our congratulations to Rev Pradip and his family for supporting him in his ministry all these years.

The 14th Session of the Annual Meeting was an important milestone for MCN. The strategic plans and goals were articulated and will form the framework for the MCN workplan for the coming years. The strategic plan is centred on Growth and Building Capacities for MCN.

• Growing Leaders

• Growing Churches

• Growing Financial Resilience

• Growing in Relevance

The reports have been encouraging, highlighting the growth of MCN in all areas and ministries. God’s faithful hand has been witnessed in MCN over the past 14 years, and it has been a wonderful and fruitful journey. Efforts will now be redirected to preparing and equipping the next generation of clergy and laity leaders. In the area of church planting, the objectives are to plant new Outreach Points and to move Preaching Points and churches to the next level. There is much to be done, with the first milestones achieved providing great encouragement for MCN to do even greater things. May MCN continue "To Grow in Love"!