Conan Gray - Self Love

Living in a small town can often mean that you know everybody and everybody knows you. For Conan Gray, creating a strong presence online has given him the ability to reach others around the world through a camera lens in the comfort of his home in a small town in Texas. His channel is nothing short of real. Like a close friend, he shares his current favorites and even bakes gluten free brownies while chatting about life with every subscriber. More specifically, his “Art-Tea” chats are the honest and candid daily doses we all could use more often. “I learned so much about how to treat people, how to be open minded and kind, how to love both myself and everyone else and how to be human. I was able to actually realize that the enigma-of-a-kid named Conan Gray was not alone, not an outcast and not broken. I owe so much of my growth to “strangers”, he says.

Conan’s personal style is also worth mentioning. His “how to thrift like a teen” video gives the most informative tips we could all use before heading into a Goodwill. One of the most important being “look through everything.” Having patience and steady eyes prevents the chance of overlooking that piece you just might love. His love for thrift shopping and primary colors sets the tone for his ability to reinvent his style every week. His weekly personas include “punk kid”, “bougie kid” and “golf dad”.

His YouTube journey stems back to the fourth grade. Being an extremely sentimental kid living within a quickly changing environment meant that he always felt the need to document everything. One of the most fascinating aspects of his journey is the progression of both his content and himself. The biggest change in the past six months was his newfound disregard to societal pressure. Growing up in very conservative Texas, held the pressure of being what was deemed “normal.” It wasn’t until his senior year of high school, that his channel finally took off. For Conan, this was solid proof that no matter how much you try to be an ingenuine version of yourself, the true version will shine the brightest.

My home lies in me and the people who love me."

Life growing up presented to him many obstacles. The most difficult of all being self-love. Growing up, had its fair share of bullies that made for a slow process of realizing that no matter how many insults or compliments are spoken, nothing changes how incredible each of us are as humans. “By the time I graduated, I realized that the only thing that actually determines your self value is you. I practice self love when I take myself on solo dates, when I buy myself clothes after working very hard, and when I surround myself with people who love me as much as I love them. But most importantly, I practice self love every day that I choose to wake up and show the world who I truly am. I hope to teach the world to do the same.”

Beyond every obstacle has always been the love of everyone he held close to heart. “My home lies in me and the people who love me. Home isn’t tangible, It’s not a town on a map or four walls that box you in; home resides in the soul.” In a world that is always changing, you will always have yourself to lie in.

His excitement for life itself has given him the love and appreciation for “growing up”. He’s well aware that not everyone has that same outlook on that topic, but says “that if you aren’t growing up, you aren’t learning.” From his perspective, a lack of wisdom is far scarier than the rise of a number in age. “Growing up doesn’t have to mean boxing yourself up in a grey office cubicle and never letting the sun touch your skin. As I grow older, I plan to keep swinging on swing sets made for three year olds, ordering coffee in a different accent every time, and getting in ferocious tickle fights with my friends. Growing up doesn’t have to mean losing vibrancy, that is all up to you. Embrace aging, you’re only getting better,” he says.

At a young age, he quickly established a need for the arts as a form of self-expression. “I was constantly singing made-up jingles for products, drawing Dr. Seuss characters, and making fairy homes in the backyard,” he shares. His primitive instinct to create served as an outlet that provided him the release from overthinking. When it comes to music, Conan has a wide range in musical taste. His music consumption as a child contained U2’s The Joshua Tree album, The Dixie Chicks and 80’s and 90’s pop mixes his mother had in the car. “Those are the people who I believe developed my love for singing, as my mother couldn’t get me to stop belting “Cowboy Take Me Away” in the kitchen.”

They look for passion..."

His current music obsession is Lorde’s new album Melodrama. It’s the exact consolation he needed approaching adulthood and knowing that there are others around the world that feel the exact same. When it comes to creating his own music, he’s inspired by the raw, tellall songwriting style that Adele uses. He starts his creative process with memories and the emotions that those memories evoke. This can all be linked to the fact that he has synesthesia, which makes music extremely visual. He described it by example of his song “Idle Town.

“It all started when I sang “this town will never change” in the shower.” From there he builds those phrases into a song based on memories, colors and feelings.Being a perfectionist works in his favor, his music hits you in the feels with sentiment that all of us can relate to. Lucky for us, we have his single “Grow” to play while we wait for an EP that’s in the works. “My new single “Grow” is a snapshot of my life, the part where I leave the town I had just learned to love.” Growth has come in many forms for Conan, a recent one was getting into his dream school UCLA. Conan says that it wasn’t his grades that got him a spot, but the essays he wrote that made a true impact. Each one centered on his past, the hardships, future goals and those who helped him stay afloat. “I think UCLA, and many other schools, are now able to identify that there is so much more to each miraculous person than the numbers that they produce from standardized tests; they look for passion, ambition, compassion and wisdom.”

Fully embracing change, his big move to LA offers him the opportunity to live in a world where creatives thrive and where he can pursue what he has set out to pursue. To one day be a part of thousands of people creating music that bounces around in their head and settles into their marrow. Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and in the middle of nowhere you find yourself. For Conan Gray, it all started in a small town in Texas.

Written by T'Keya Marquez | Photography by Paige Sara