We can see the consequences of people not being able to accept a ‘no’ everywhere. There is a lot of violence at football fields, when the referee blows his whistle, for instance. Also fraud is happening on a much larger scale (welfare fraud, healthcare fraud, by ‘normal’ regular people). The fine lines of what’s right and what’s wrong are crossed much easier, common decency only applies to others. On every walk you take in a beautyful natural landscape, you will find rubbish, entire garbage bags left by people enjoying the countryside as well, but throwing their junk into it. And if you correct a small child who has been disrespectful, you can expect a visit from his dad, who threatens to throw a brick through your window. So the aversion to the word ‘no’ leads up to, what we call in Dutch ‘het kortje lontje’: a short fuse, getting really angry, really fast, shouting, swearing, cursing and even death threats: try putting your opinion on Twitter..! The word ‘respect’ is heard so often these days, but has become a hollow phrase. Friendships are cancelled because a critical question is too much to handle and an alarming number of young adults are pushing their boundaries, binge drinking or using substances at such an early age, actually damaging their minds. Obese children are also an example of parents not being able to say ‘no’. And try telling a smoker that they can’t smoke in your house... it is getting better, but a couple of years ago they would look at you as if you were the one who was asocial. There are enitre cultures where saying ‘no’ is so unacceptable, that people rather send you into the wrong direction, than admitting they don’t know the way (usually run by dictators, who don’t want to be contradicted). And we all know that being a ‘people pleaser’ causes a lot less ‘ripples in the ocean’ and might be an easier way of living, but there comes a time in your life when you want to be able to speak your mind. And perhaps even be appreciated for it. Telling someone ‘no’ requires ‘balls’, you need to be quite gutsy these days to speak your mind. Lots of people are rather lied to and told ‘yes’ than have to listen to or think about a ‘no’ they weren’t expecting. On social media we don’t hear a lot of no’s. It’s a lazy and self centered thing: I say something nice about you, you do as well and we all live in a plastic fantastic world. And indeed, a ‘no’ is confronting, sometimes unpleasant. But no’s are part of live and they teach you something. That’s why a ‘no’ leaves a far greater impression on you than a ‘yes’, because it is evolutionary important. It is far more important to establish your boundaries, than a pat on the back. Discipline and uprightness might be oldfashioned words, but ‘no’.., is sometimes not quite as bad as it seems. So next time someone hands you a ‘no’ and you don’t get your way, don’t discard it so fast, for you might miss a learning experience!
ISPAHAN 105