YES-OUI-JA-SI!! Everybody likes the word ‘yes’, because it is a happy-go-lucky word. It is a confirmation, a validation and many more things in such a tiny word. In the same line of thinking, lots of people don’t like the word ‘no’, but ‘no’ is highly underrated and might actually be far more important in a persons life than ‘yes’ is.! ‘No’ means you have to start being creative, because you want to try to turn it into a ‘yes’. So you have to examine the ‘no’ and figure out another path. Saying ‘yes’ to ’the dress’ is most of the time preceded by a number of no’s right? It also means you have to start thinking about why the ‘no’ was thrown your way, what caused it and what part of your question or actions lead up to the ‘no’. It means you have to start thinking about yourself, critical thinking and showing responsibility for your actions or questions and their consequences.. In fact, you might actually become grateful for a ‘no’. A ‘yes’ never makes you think, you just accept it and move on. Easy is not the same as good, instructive or helpfull for your own development and insight. If you have an inquisitive mind, you probably stumble on ‘no’ a lot: because you try a lot, therefore you fail a lot. And failing a lot sounds negative, but it’s not. It means you don’t choose the easy path, the road of the least friction in life. It means that you are actually quite brave and not scared to encounter a brick wall (or a ‘no’), for a ‘no’ can be rather painful, of course. It means learning along the way, not being defeted by misfortune. These days, lots of children grow up in ‘broken homes’, were parents understandably don’t want to be ‘the rotten one’, but as a result children are far less often being told ‘no’. Mum is their best friend, or like a sister to them, instead of a figure of authority. Also at schools there are far less strict rules and the teacher is called by his first name, because he grew up in the sixties and does not like authority himself. So kids grow up with a lot more freedom and a lot less ‘no’ in their life. Which sounds great. But there is a downside: not getting used to hearing a lot of ’no’, a lack of boundaries and feelings of entitlement. Some can’t even handle hearing ‘no’. We have all met people who, after hearing ‘no’ got mad at you. They didn’t start thinking, they didn’t investigate their own influence or responsibility, they just got mad and that’s that. Problem solved. The bearer of the word ‘no’ must be a bitch. People surround themselves with what we call in Dutch ’ja-knikkers’ meaning: ‘people who tend to always agree with you’, to avoid even more no’s and having to question yourself even less.
104 ISPAHAN