Co mm e n ta ry & Pa r e n t i n g
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mommy magic
Recovering Perfectionism
Why Parenthood Doesn't Have to be Perfect I used to get my feelings hurt when people (e.g., my kids and husband) did not appreciate the fact that I spent 200 hours getting each child’s scrapbook perfectly, well— perfect. Why didn’t they care that, on top of pulling carpool duty, baking goodies for Field Day at school, helping sell Girl Scout cookies, and the laundry list of everything else I do, I make each kid’s scrapbook—each containing all 500 photos I took of my girls at Disney World. By the way, I’m in none of these photos because I was the one capturing all of the magic on f ilm. It was beyond me why they didn’t stand on their chairs and applaud when I glue-sticked the last magical memory in place. After all, with three kids, that is a lot of magic to cut and paste. Why wasn’t there a party in my honor to celebrate this accomplishment? Why did they smirk—indeed, act downright ungrateful—when presented a perfectly perfect scrapbook from our family vacation? Why? Why?! WHY?!
Feeling empty and hollow, I did some soul searching about all this perfectionism. What I realized is that sometimes I am ridiculous. I also realized that perfectionism comes with the territory of being a mom. The fact of the matter is that perfecting something that is already pretty perfect is kind of silly. Plus, kids (my kids, anyway) don’t care about having everything perfect all the time. So, why do we kill ourselves trying to make the perfect scrapbook, Easter basket or birthday cake? Trying to maintain that standard of perfection is not only hard, exhausting and ridiculous, but it makes us sometimes feel like we are going crazy, as well.
Feeling empty and hollow, I did some soul searching about all
L et t i ng go of this perfectionism. What I realized is that sometimes I am per fect ion is hard—especially ridiculous. I also realized that perfectionism comes with as a mom. To be honest, I like the territory of being a mom. per fect ion, but being perfect all the time is impossible! So with that, my name is Mary Susan Buhner, and I am Besides, perfection a recovering perfectionist. I do have momentary lapses is a standard WE of perfectionism, but I try to stop and laugh at myself. put on ourselves. Perfectionism isn’t just ridiculous—it’s also kind of funny. Ou r k id s ju st want to be loved, I ask all moms reading this column to learn from my feel safe and have mistakes. First, don’t be so hard on yourself. Providing a f u n. Wou ld I loving, safe and nurturing home counts big time! Second, like to think that give up on the notion that everything has to be perfect for somed ay they your kids. Each child is built differently and we have to w i l l apprec i ate honor the chaos sometimes. After all, perfecting perfection my ef for ts and only stresses us out and makes us seem ridiculous to our f lip through their children. Instead, take a few minutes each day to make a Disney scrapbook list (a mental one in your head or you can write it down) w it h fond ne s s ? of all the wonderful things you did today to make your Sure, what mother wouldn’t want that? Do I think they child happy, feel safe and loved. It may not have been perfect will nit-pick it to death? No. Do I think they will care to you, but to them—it’s magic! what color marker I wrote in or what glue stick I used? No! Mary Susan Buhner is a Life Coach for Moms and Do I think they will remember all the great fun we had as author of “Mommy Magic: Tricks for Staying Sane in the a family? Yes! Kids don’t care about perfecting perfection. Midst of Insanity” Visit www.Mommy-Magic.com for more information. Become a Fan of Mommy Magic on FaceBook! In fact, it kind of bums them out, which then bums me out, too.
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