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Will you do me a favour? ... May I request you to kindly do this for me? … I know I am troubling you, but will you help me in fixing this problem? … These are a few familiar questions/requests that we often come across in our life. And even if we don’t feel like accepting many of these requests, we end up saying “yes, sure”! We are taught since childhood that it’s bad or rude to say ‘no’ to someone’s request and hence, we often respond by saying ‘yes’ even when we don’t have enough time, intention or motivation to do the very thing that matters least to have us say yes. How wise is it to leap upon something which we don’t want to? By always being agreeable and nice to everyone, we are subjected to ‘work overload’ and ‘anxiety’. We often fail to justify our personal and family commitments due to time mismanagement. Is saying ‘no’ always rude? How should we deal with the unwanted requests without sacrificing our personal and professional goals? The putative, if not well understood, fact is that we all have some personal ambitions and professional goals. On top of that, we need to manage our time and resources properly in life in order to accomplish our family responsibilities and professional commitments. By agreeing to all the requests, sometimes, we may be risking our performance quality. Saying ‘yes’ to someone else’s request may mean saying ‘no’ to some of our own necessities. In such a case, it is certainly not a matter of maintaining a balance sheet otherwise the ‘yes’s will cancel out the ‘no’s. And we will be left with nothing to push for. This needs a bit of thinking. The real question is: why do we agree to something despite being not mentally prepared for it? What are we afraid of? Do we fear losing friends or being rude to relatives? At work place, we often refrain from saying ‘no’ to our managers or fellow colleagues because we fear that it will convey a wrong impression that we are either incompetent or not committed to the job. The reason seems valid at the first glance! But the ramifications go deeper.
Elizabeth Bakken et al.) and I would like to share it with you all.
Don't automatically say 'yes': When someone asks you for your time, don't immediately say 'yes' in response. Take some extra time to think and review your schedule. You should carefully analyze your priorities and give an honest answer about your availability. However, just be sure to follow up with your response.
Be honest, direct and firm: Don't say 'yes' when you feel like 'no', and never say 'may be' just to put off saying 'no' until later. Statements like 'I already have plans for this weekend' make your position clear.
Be brief: The longer you talk, the more you open yourself to giving in and accepting additional responsibility. Statements like 'I have to move now. Lets meet some other day' are handy in this regard.
Use non-verbal language: Avoid sending signals of defensiveness or wavering in your body language, by looking down or bowing your head. Have a relaxed body and be confident. However, avoid confrontational postures like finger-pointing.
Add a positive spin to 'no': Instead of saying just 'no, I can't do it', add a positive statement to it. Statement like 'I am really interested in doing this project but I would like to help you once you have narrowed down your choices' adds a positive spin to 'no'.
Find a 'third right answer': Sometimes the best answer is neither 'yes' nor 'no'. Try to come up with some alternative suggestion that can save you from taking some extra unwanted responsibility.
Personally, I often find it difficult to turn down a request made by friends, colleagues or relatives. However, there are people who believe in being ‘practical’ and don’t mind refusing someone’s request. Many emphasize that learning to say ‘no’ without being rude is one of the most challenging lessons in our life. And I must confess that I have not been able to ‘learn’ this important lesson yet! How about you?
People say that saying ‘no’ tactfully is an art. It’s possible to politely refuse someone’s request. The idea is to give an impression that we can manage our time well despite being helpful when time and other things permit. I found some interesting tips for saying 'no' wisely (in Dr. Deependra Kumar Jha the book 'Ten ways to overcome overload' by
The Dream is NOT what you see in sleep......Dream is which does not let you sleep. -Dr. Abdul Kalam