RANDOM MCMAHON SIRENS SIGNAL PURGE

By QUINCY REYES Sole Survivor

Disclaimer: No one is actually missing. We think.

From rodent neighbors to burst pipes, Fordham University’s McMahon Hall residents are no strangers to interruptions. But what started as a peaceful night on March 31 quickly turned into a nightmare of chaos and fear. As bleary-eyed residents stumbled out of their rooms in pajamas due to another fire safety announcement, they soon realized that the blaring alarms were not a routine fire drill but rather a terrifying signal: The Purge had begun.

The Purge, a twelve-hour period where all crime, including murder, is legal, has been the subject of a popular movie franchise for years, spanning multiple sequels and adaptations. In what initially seemed like Hollywood’s next attempt to revitalize a classic trope, this fictional world of mayhem and madness has now become a reality for students residing in Fordham Lincoln Center’s 20-story residence hall.

‘SPSOSJSJSDPLDPS jsalfjdlkjsd’, the building’s Fire Safety Director Ron Chee said. ‘AHjfsdj, ASHSFGUASDF AKUGJSDFAEH’.

Chee added that The Purge’s purpose was to act as a community effort to allow students to experience the realities that their rich neighbors of the Upper West Side have to face.

see PURGE page 3

By SHELBY WILLIAMS

Lover of Bloomin’ Onions

In an email sent to the Fordham community on Feb. 31, University President Tania Tetlow, J.D., announced that adolescent True Jackson, VP (vice president), has been appointed as the new senior vice president for student affairs. The decision stemmed from Jackson’s predecessor, Jeffrey Gray, sharing his plans for retirement after having worked at Fordham for thirty-four years.

Tetlow shared that Jackson’s experience as the VP of youth apparel at Mad Style, a New York-based fashion company, has well-prepared her for her newfound endeavors in academia. Becoming the VP for student affairs at fifteen, Jackson will be the youngest person appointed to a faculty position in Fordham’s history.

‘Being 3 years below the median age of American college first-years, Jackson is already breaking barriers and paving the way for the next generation of Fordham faculty’, Tetlow said.

The president highlighted that prior to joining the Fordham community, Jackson gained lots of experience in crisis management in her day-to-day operations as VP at Mad Style. Tetlow referred to some of Jackson’s notable achievements, including coupling her former boss with her high school’s librarian, pretending to be a famous supermodel, and overspending on her company credit card.