Better outcomes for mums

Good outcomes for mums

Story by Lori-Ellen Grant

When I think about the birth of our first daughter Finae, what I remember is the practical, medical and emotional support from my team of people. My partner, my friend, my trusted midwife and my doctors. Alongside my people was my own personal agency: the confidence to ask for what I needed, to be involved in decisions and to set boundaries.

Through birth, women have the potential to experience their own potency, strength, resilience, endurance. As a threshold experience, it’s the beginning of a wild, loving and unknown parenting adventure. When researchers asked women what was key to them having a good birth experience, the importance of caring relationships and stability in everyday life came through. Quality relationships can create emotional safety and enable us to experience care and nurturing.

Women for centuries have been the keepers of the home and family. We’ve come from a culture that gives little recognition to the work carried out in the home and in caring for children. More recently, women have begun speaking up about their own needs and ability to care for themselves and asking for help. Even strong and resilient people need care from others. During pregnancy, birth and postpartum, the mother is preparing to be the primary nurturer of her baby. But how does our modern, eclectic village nurture the nurturer?

I was fortunate to meet Jenny Allison, author of The Golden Month, around fifteen years ago when I was fresh out of university. A visionary and a trailblazer in women’s health and post-natal care, Jenny researched and shared some of the many post-birth community practices passed down through different cultures. One of her interviewees, Wai Mason, a Māori kuia (elder) from Tauranga Moana in New Zealand shared her perspective: ‘Giving birth is a wonderful gift but it hurts both the body and the heart. The job of the nannies (grandmothers/elders) is to help bring the mother back into ‘consciousness’ so that she can be a source of nourishment to her child.’

Historically it has been other women within the family – mothers, grandmothers, aunties, sisters – who have provided support, yet we’re now widening the experience of community. Women too are learning to speak up about what they really need and accept the inherent vulnerability that comes with asking for or accepting help. Gone are the days of expecting everyone to know what you need and then complaining because no one gives it to you.

I asked new mothers on a local forum what made them feel nurtured in the postpartum period and there was a clear winner – food. Alongside receiving meals and snacks (sometimes via meal rosters by their friends and family), other valued support came in the form of practical help around the house, care for their older children and support from known midwives throughout their birth and in the postpartum period. Unsurprising, uninvited guests did not make the list. Not all the women who responded felt cared for post birth, and they noted the significant impact this had on their life and experience as a new mother.

The postpartum period is often intensely primal, life stripped back to its elements – nourishment, healing, connection. And so it’s the simple things that may offer the greatest comfort. The water or snack by the bed for when you wake to feed, the emergency personal items delivered, a wholesome meal, the smell of fresh sheets, a shower on your own as your baby is held. These small meaningful ways make all the difference to a new mother giving her all to the next generation.