Being in an international relationship does not only affect the couple but the whole family. Kelly Pacheco, expat and family therapist from Aarhus, gives some insights on expat children‌
o Roles and responsibilities change, for example, the spouse may become a stay at home parent while the other becomes the sole income earner. The well-being of couple and family relationships has been well documented as having a key role in the success of international assignments. The inability of the family to adjust is the second most cited reason for international assignment failure. Expat life carries with it some
o Possible financial strain if you were previously a dual career family. o The normal family life cycle can be disrupted, for example teens attempts to become more independent from the family can be stalled.
inherent challenges that can be difficult for couples and families to overcome. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by Some of the common difficulties include: o A feeling of isolation, loss of social and family support networks. o Dislocation - your usual way of life is changed and it is difficult to continue as normal.
these difficulties, but these times of struggle actually offer a great opportunity to find new resources within each other and to develop new patterns of interaction to strengthen relationships and develop resilience to tackle future significant life events together.
What are the keys to thriving as an expat family? 1. The family belief system – it’s important to maintain an optimistic outlook of the challenges of expat life. See it as a family adventure, “this is nothing we can’t handle if we work together”, “we can do this”. 2. Family organisation and resources - a strong but flexible family structure works best. Parents need to demonstrate strong leadership and provide a sense of security and predictability. Try to keep some family routines the same while being flexible enough to manage the new aspects of your life. Stay connected emotionally and respect each other’s different ways of coping and expressing emotions. Use the supports available to you in the school, work and international community as well as those back home. Reach out for support when necessary. 3. Family communication – encourage everyone to share their different emotional reactions to the changes and challenges. Look for opportunities to enjoy humour and fun and take a break from the hard work of moving. Try to solve problems together as a family. If everyone’s ideas are valued and respected the family members can learn skills that will help them prepare for future life challenges.
Remember, that even the strongest couples and families can find themselves in situations that push them beyond their coping capacity. Expats and internationals are at higher risk of developing mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety than the general population. This is the time to reach out for more specialised support. Talk to your GP, contact your children’s school counsellor. Look for counsellors who specialise in working with internationals and preferably who speak the language you are most comfortable with. Keep asking for help until you find what you need.