Feature: Chasing Sunshine

by Loreina Corwin

I grew up in a tiny mountain town in Northern California called Newcastle; most people have never heard of it considering the population is around 1,000. My biological dad was not in the picture, but my mom is a supermom and supported my older sister and myself.

Growing up I had a very small family that consisted of (almost) all females! My grandma lived in an old mining town called Placerville in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. She had a beautiful house and back porch that her late husband had built for her by hand. We would all get together there on holidays and birthdays. Her home had very tall ceilings that were filled with hand- painted Indian portraits and her house always smelled of incense. She would blast Neil Diamond and always have a cocktail in one hand and her red poodle in the other. I always had so much fun playing cards, admiring her fossil collection, and watching those sunsets on the back porch. Those are the memories I miss most from my childhood.

Mom owned an at-home daycare and it was the best daycare around. I grew up with a house full of 16 kids! Crazy, right?! My mom is one of the most thoughtful and kind-hearted people I have ever met. She is always trying to do nice things for others and put a smile on their faces. I really admire her for all she does for others and I try to let my light shine in the same way hers does. I am grateful my mother taught me to have empathy and compassion for people. You never know what someone is going through. The schools I attended were tiny. Newcastle Elementary and Del Oro High School felt like a small family. I’ve tried most sports in my life, but Volleyball was a real passion and I played from 6th grade until junior year of High School. After graduation, I attended Sierra College which is a small junior college a few towns over. I supported myself by working at a golf course every weekend and cocktailing at a club a few nights a week.

Right before receiving my associate degree in Public Relations, I found out I had cancer. I was 21 years old. It came out of the blue and stopped me in my tracks. I had no symptoms when I found out, I had simply just gone in for my yearly pap smear. In retrospect, I’m very glad I stayed on top of those. I took my diagnoses very seriously because my grandmother had passed away from uterine cancer. I didn’t want to worry any of my family or friends, so I didn’t tell anyone. I wasn’t prepared in any way, shape or form for what was to come. The biopsy was SO painful but the news I received after was gut wrenching. When my doctor called to tell me that the sample he took was cancerous, I was alone at an airport on my way back from a Halloween party in Los Angeles.

I was all alone and in complete and utter shock. I literally thought I was going to faint. I was so young! What did this mean for my future? What were the next steps? How would I tell my family?

I hired a naturopathic doctor, Carmen, (recommended by a friend) right away to come stay with me and I quickly changed almost everything about my life and diet. She flew in to stay with me for two weeks and she changed my life. She put me on a strict diet: No sugar, no soy, no gluten, no alcohol; we did intense cleanses as well. She immediately took me to a farmer’s market and we bought just about every kind of fruit and vegetable. She taught me how to shop for foods, cook, and prepare different types of cleanses. She taught me about foods that starve cancer cells. Our daily routine was rigorous.

Cleanses throughout the day pushed me out of my comfort zone. One in particular was a hot bath. And by hot, I mean scorching hot. So hot I had to put Vaseline on my nipples! She added all sorts of hot herbs and spices on top of the scalding hot water. While I sat in this bath for 30 minutes, I had to drink 3 glasses of hot tea. She told me that grown men have cried during this cleanse. I didn’t get through it the first time, it was too intense; but I tried again a few days later and got through it!

Carmen really changed my life and I still use what I learned from herto this day. She encouraged me to push myself, she helped make mestrong, and I had my mom by my side rooting me on too.

Having cancer changed every part of my life. Battling a horrible disease-- knowing it is in your body -- you start to wonder if you are capable of winning the battle. It really took an emotional toll. I broke down when I saw my mom for the first time after finding out; I was an emotional wreck thinking of all of the ‘what ifs.’

Thinking back to how I was, emotionally, during this time is really a hard thing to do and I don’t ‘go back there’ mentally very often. Usually when I talk about my Cancer, I speak positively about beating it. But the truth is I wasn’t always positive and I experienced some really tough times.

Doctors recommended I get a hysterectomy to remove my cervix and uterus so I did. I still remember having my last period and thinking: ‘Wow, I will never have one of these again.’ It was a pretty scary time, but I stayed positive and hopeful. I was so glad when I found out I would not need chemo or radiation.

I was excited to start living my life again. I knew I wanted to finish my schooling, so I applied and was accepted into Cal State University Long Beach. My mom begged me not to move away but I always knew I wasn’t meant to stay there and I was ready to FLY. Moving to Los Angeles was a culture shock but I LOVED it. I met so many different types of people with new perspectives and I really started to grow as a person.

After receiving my Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Studies, I took an internship at a public relations firm in Beverly Hills and realized I never wanted to work at a desk again. I then started hosting red carpet events and really got into the fashion industry in LA. I worked with a couture clothing lines and dressed celebrities such as Bai Ling, Janice Dickinson, and Terrell Owens. Fashion had always been a passion of mine and I decided to go for it and start a clothing line. I found a manufacturer in Downtown LA and started my brand, Leo Luv.

I thought it was going to be smooth sailing, but I was wrong. The dresses were beautiful but the showroom I hired to sell my clothes didn’t do their job, and my business partner didn’t keep up his end of the bargain. I ended up walking my dresses into different stores and selling most of my inventory. Although it was a lot more work than I envisioned, I am proud of myself for overcoming all of the obstacles in my way.

I said HECK YEAH, let’s go! It’s crazy how if you put yourself out there, life throws you opportunities! I met some incredible women who will be lifelong friends and had a fun few weeks of filming! I did not find love, but I had an adventure and I love a good adventure!

Shortly after filming, I went to Las Vegas with some girlfriends and I met Thomas; the love of my life. He was a breath of fresh air! He is so-very-different from the other California men I had dated. Chivalry is not dead! This man picked me up from the airport with flowers and my favorite juice, opened my doors, and didn’t play any games. I moved to Texas 8 months later (in 2016) and shortly after that I started recruiting for reality television.

A friend reached out needing help casting for Big Brother, I agreed, and one of my recruits, Elena Davies, made it on the season. My producer friend was really impressed with my recruits and started giving my name out to other producers who needed help casting. Since then I’ve worked on ‘Married At First Sight Dallas,’ ‘Top Chef Junior,’ ‘Temptation Island,’ and many more.

My favorite recruiting story is the story of Danielle Dodd. I had reached out to her on Instagram asking if she would be interested in doing the show ‘Married at First Sight.’ She was hesitant at first but decided to do the show. She was matched by experts and married a complete stranger on tv. And guess what? They are still married 2 years later and have a beautiful daughter and a spin off show now!

My mother’s resilience and work ethic have influenced me greatly. She makes the most out of any situation thrown her way and always, somehow, remains positive. Her outlook on life is beautiful. In fact, her voicemail message says ‘Hi, it’s Diane! I hope you are making the most out of your day!’ I also admire how she makes an effort to make other people happy. For example, on holidays she literally gives a gift to every person she sees on a regular basis. This includes people at her grocery store, dentist office, or florist. My mom gets joy out of making people happy! She inspires me to do more for others. My mom is a beautiful, selfless individual and I am so grateful I am her daughter. My mom always says ‘I’m your biggest cheerleader,’ and she means it! Anything I do in life my mother is there to cheer me on! She is a strong woman and she is the reason I am who I am, I am so grateful for her!

Thomas proposed last April 26th, 2019 at Galveston Beach in Texas. It was the most beautiful moment of my life so far. I was in complete shock when I saw the man I love get down on one knee. He had a hard time spitting out the words but he finally said, ‘Will you marry me?’ Time literally stood still as we embraced after I said ‘yes.’ Since then, we have spent so much time thinking about how we envisioned our wedding. We decided that having our family and friends there with us on that day was the most important factor we decided on a big Texas wedding!

I spent the last year sitting at my kitchen table planning every little detail in my wedding planning notebook. When I would speak with a vendor and they would ask me what I wanted for our wedding I would always say, 'something different.' I didn't want traditional, but I never would have envisioned how different our wedding would really be. COVID-19 turned our world upside down.

It all started crashing down on us right after my March 8th bridal shower. My mom’s best friend threw me the most amazing high tea themed bridal shower in Northern California. We played a game where each group of ladies dress up in toilet paper wedding dresses and I judged each to see whose dress looked the best. A fashion show with toilet paper, ironic right? I flew home a couple days later and there’s absolutely no toilet paper in stores anywhere. COVID had arrived.

We tried not to stress as my bachelorette weekend slowly approached but COVID numbers were rising and I finally had to make the call to pull the plug on my bachelorette weekend. It was heart wrenching. Eight of my bridesmaids and myself had already bought our plane tickets and rented the coolest house in San Diego. One of my best friends had put together a whole itinerary full of dinners, a chartered yacht; the whole 9 yards. We had matching swimsuits and towels and all the fun bachelorette stuff.

It all vanished before my eyes. Now it was the countdown till our April 26th wedding. I was still holding a tiny bit of faith that COVID would be gone by then and everything would go back to normal but that was not the case. Our venue emailed us mid-April stating they could no longer hold our wedding due to the virus.

We were devastated.

In the weeks leading up to our wedding date, April 26th, I tried to stay positive but I felt completely defeated. I didn’t want to pick a postponement date at that time because who really knew when big group gatherings would be safe again? Those two weeks were hard. I knew people had bigger problems to deal with and I was very lucky none of my family or friends had gotten sick, but I couldn’t help but be so sad. My emotions were all over there place. The day of our (supposed to be) wedding I woke up crying. Thomas has been so good about comforting me and helping me through; even though he’s also grieving canceling the wedding of our dreams. This has really been a test of our patience and love; through all of this our relationship got stronger. We spent the second half of our day getting dressed up and ordering steaks for takeout. Thomas hung some string lights on our back porch, and we had a romantic dinner. We reminisced about what we would have been doing if COVID didn’t ruin our wedding. Things have been much better now that our (old) wedding date has passed. We can finally move forward.

Since Thomas hasn’t been working, we have been spending more time at our property in Blum, TX. We decided we’re going to elope under our favorite old oak tree with only immediate family. We will still have a beautiful venue, ceremony, cake, dance, it will all just be different than planned, and I’m okay with that. What matters most is our love and that will never be taken away.

I was never told I couldn’t be a mom, but my partial hysterectomy (which included removing my cervix and uterus) meant I could never carry a baby. My ovaries are still intact (so I still have my eggs) and it never crossed my mind that I wouldn’t be a mom someday, my journey to motherhood would just be different than most. I do not let my cancer diagnoses or missing uterus dictate my life in any way.

I am adamant about being a momma someday and I am taking all of the steps to get there. It’s a lot of work but it sure will be worth it! To me, the decision was easy! I wanted my cervix and uterus out, so I could have a piece of mind the cancer was gone and could never return. And I could choose to feel pity for myself but I choose to be positive, and honestly, I am really happy to be here today after having cancer.

I didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer. Some people may just sit back and say ‘Well, I don’t have a uterus so I can’t be a mom.’ That was not my way of thinking. I thought to myself ‘Ok, things will be different, but I will still have a baby someday, or maybe even two!’ I looked into all of my options and found resources to help financially with the egg retrieval. If there’s a will, there’s a way. Plus, I’m pretty stubborn and I usually get what I want. I know that God kept me around for a reason and I have purpose. I’m excited to see what my future holds.

I completed my egg retrieval this past year and our fertility doctors were able to mix Thomas’s sperm with my eggs to create embryos. We have one male and one female embryo ready to go and we found the most perfect gestational carrier! She has started her appointments with our fertility doctor so hopefully we will be able to transfer one of our embryos in the near future and expand our family! I have a feeling this next chapter will be the best yet! I’m excited to see what this next year has in store for us! Next up is our wedding! I can’t wait to finally call myself Mrs. Ishak! Also, our gestational carrier has just started her appointments with our fertility doctor so hopefully we will be able to transfer one of our embryos in the near future and expand our family!

Loreina Corwin is a cancer survivor, E! TV personality, recruiter, model, designer, and animal activist. She has her Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Studies from CSULB and loves to share her story to inspire other women. Follow @loreinacorwin on Instagram!