| ON COMING TO AMERICA
and may even appear alien and superfluous to them. There may come a moment when the child of immigrants starts to compare his parents with those of his friends, and finds his family different, in a milieu where difference is not appreciated. Jeremy Rifkin observes the ease with which the children of immigrants discard their ethnicity: “embarrassed by their parents’ ways, [such] children did everything they could to shed their past.” So what can those parents who believe in the value of their ethnic culture do? “If we contrast the conditions at home with those the immigrants generally meet in America, we see that the loss of control over the child is inevitable if the parents do not develop new means (of influence) as substitutes for the old ones. But it requires a higher degree of individual culture, intellectual and moral, than most of the immigrants can manage.”
Grandparents
The relationship between immigrant children and their grandparents deserves special attention. Most cultures realize that there exists a special affectionate bond between the two generations, that grandparents,
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especially grandmothers, have a unique place in the hearts of their grandchildren. World literature is full of stories about the close bond between grandparent and grandchild, and about the role the former plays in the lives of the latter. This relationship can become strained in the adopted land, because of the seniors’ greater attachment to their home country, their more critical attitude toward the new environment, and their generally weak command of English. As John Bukowczyk says, “They (the immigrant women) were more vulnerable than their departed spouses. Most have never ventured far into American society, and therefore perhaps, never learned English. They clung to their independence and continued to live by themselves.” He concludes that many “lived lonely lives.” Thus, grandparents, instead of providing extra affection and security for the child, become strangers and sometimes even liabilities, totally different from the American grandparents of the child’s school friends. In the mind of a youngster who wants to be like everybody else, foreign grandparents are even more of an embarrassment than foreign parents, given an even greater lack of assimilation. The unique opportunity of knowing more of the world through his family heritage is thus wasted, something
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that can be demonstrated by reviewing the statistics focusing on the knowledge of foreign cultures in the United States.
The Elderly
The older an immigrant, the more difficult it becomes for him to adjust to his new life in a foreign country. Often, it is only with advancing age that the past comes closer to one’s consciousness and that the years of one’s youth, no matter how difficult, take on a compelling immediacy and significance. But who, in the new country, has the time or the inclination to listen to the elderly immigrant? In a culture that venerates youth and disparages age, respect for the elderly is in any case at a premium. Elderly immigrants are at an even greater disadvantage. Their imperfect English makes communication difficult and frustrating, too much trouble to undertake. Their old-fashioned or foreign ways are alien and potentially embarrassing, as is their helplessness. “Why doesn’t Grandma go out to enjoy herself? Why doesn’t she have American friends?” The answer to these questions is quite simple, but isn’t always readily grasped. The elderly, be they immigrants or natives, often suffer from loneliness and boredom. The problems that beset young newcomers increase tenfold for the aged. With
November/December 2013
advancing years, people slowly lose their independence. In case of immigrants, their independence is already badly compromised, not only due to possible physical debilities, but also their linguistic difficulties and nostalgia for their former home, something that tends to increase in old age. Conscious of their “strangeness,” the elderly are reluctant to face a foreign public or to join community and church organizations. They are forced to rely on their busy relatives or on indifferent institutional help. To form friendships in new and strange surroundings is equally difficult for them. Friends, for the most part, are those who share one’s past, or who share at least one’s beliefs and preferences. Common experiences will influence people’s psychological make-up, their beliefs, and their behavior. It is difficult for the elderly immigrant to make friends among people whose youth passed in totally different circumstances, and for whom the immigrants’ past has no meaning.
Heritage as liability
It is perhaps to be expected that some immigrants resort to flattery and exaggerated praise of their adopted country, with a view to furthering their own acceptance and establishing themselves as worthy of being American. There are those who, upon entering a foreign county,