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14 April 2020 | nymetroparents.com advice Ask DadandBuried

We’re taking our kids on vacation for spring break, and we’re a little bit terrified. Any tips for flying with a toddler? —Gabriela, Larchmont

Is bringing a nanny or a grandma with you an option? I’m assuming no—because, sadly, this is not fantasyland. However, the good news is you’re not traveling with a baby, so you don’t need to drag along that anvil that doubles as a car seat. The bad news is toddlers are mobile. And vocal. And scream almost as much as babies (sometimes more; damn you, terrible 2s!). And they’re much less likely to sleep the whole time. The best news? They can be distracted by screens. I know, I know, I’m a terrible parent: Screen time should be limited, especially for toddlers; you should bring coloring books instead; blah blah blah. But this is the one time we condone screens for toddlers. Look: Airplanes are no time to screw around. You’re stuck in a metal box with 200 strangers who are irritated and stressed. They’re predisposed to hate anyone who sits next to them, regardless of age, and the minute they notice they’re in the vicinity of young children—and on a plane, everyone is in the vicinity—they stop being polite and start being real. And they hate kids. What they fail to realize is no one is less happy about traveling with rambunctious, excitable kids than their parents. Moms and Dads lugging their children on a flight that cost them a thousand dollars— if they’re lucky!—are more frustrated than the people sitting in the seats those kids are kicking. Nobody escapes that flight unscathed! Plane rides should be fun for kids, and they are no time to experiment with screen-free activities. You can get back to your rules when you land. But when you’re 35,000 feet up? Cut everybody, and yourself, some slack. So, your mission, Gabriela, should you choose to accept it: Keep your toddler as occupied and as quiet as possible. In my experience, screens are the best way to do that. Two hours of staring at the seatback TV isn’t going to kill him. Six hours of playing on an iPad won’t melt her brains. Get in, get bingeing, get out of the plane; everybody wins. And by “wins” I mean “survives”! Mission No. 2 is getting Grandma to fly back with you. Unfortunately, I can’t help with that one.

Our advice column features the wise and humorous commentary of Mike Julianelle (aka @DadandBuried), a 40-something influencer with a popular podcast who lives in Brooklyn with his wife and two kids.

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Erasing Autism Misconceptions

Many misconceptions still exist around autism spectrum disorder. So, in honor of Autism Awareness Month, we asked people from organizations throughout the New York metro area to describe what they wish the world knew about people with autism, both to help erase some of those misconceptions and shed some light on how autism cannot define individuals. Our sources want you to know: People with autism can do anything they put their minds to. But we’ll let them tell you!

“From my perspective as a social worker who is an educational advocate for families seeking special education services, I would want everyone to know how broad the diagnosis is and that no one person diagnosed with autism is the same as another. Even though the assessments are uniform and standardized, the way the diagnosis intertwines with the person is so individualized. It is nearly impossible to have a set image of what a diagnosis of autism looks like on each person. So, to answer your question, I would want everyone to consider a person with autism as an individual exhibiting characteristics that are unique to them. A diagnosis does not relegate someone to a group, nor does it define them, but it does provide a window into who they are, their wishes, dreams, and aspirations. And, it’s precisely this uniqueness that helps to define their diagnosis.” –Monica L. Mandell, LMSW, a bilingual social worker at MLM Advocacy, Westchester

“I wish people knew that some [people with autism] who struggle with social communications are also emotionally intelligent.” –Lori Podvesker, Brooklyn

“I have been supporting individuals with autism for 13 years now. During my time, I have met some of the most talented, passionate, and hardworking people who thrive when they are included. If we took the time to educate ourselves and create individualized environmental supports to enhance inclusivity, society would not only benefit economically, we would become more compassionate and understanding people.” –Jeremy Scalchunes, vocational supervisor at the Nicholas Center, Long Island

“That they are unique and should not be stereotyped based on outdated depictions shown in the media. Also, that each of them is unique in their own way and they deserve compassion and respect.” –Kpana Kpoto, an INCLUDEnyc staffer, Bronx

“I wish people knew that people with autism are our brothers and sisters that have a bright light that shines with love and beauty.” –Ana Dimas, Bronxville Ballet founder, Westchester

“Many people who fall somewhere on the autism spectrum are extremely observant. This often leads to having sharp-witted senses of humor. I am constantly laughing when I am around one friend in particular.” –Maggie Downham, Brooklyn

“With the support they need, they don’t have limits! They can be whatever they want to be. It may take longer, but they will.” –Pia Fouilloux, Brooklyn

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Learning Disability? Does My Child Have a

Where to start if you suspect the answer is “yes”

By Jacqueline Neber

Although many kids may struggle with schoolwork throughout their academic careers, it’s often hard to know if your child has a learning disability. There is no one behavior or learning difficulty that equals a diagnosis and learning disabilities can affect nonacademic areas of your child’s life, too. So, what happens when you suspect your child might have a learning challenge? Educators and experts have shared their thoughts on how to get your child evaluated and how you can support her in school and at home.

What are the symptoms? A learning disability can present in many different ways, says Colin Montgomery, a family educator at INCLUDEnyc and a former special education teacher. A learning disability is simply a disorder in one or more of the processes kids use in understanding and using language, and can express itself in reading, writing, or math, according to the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. It can also be nonverbal or look like an attention issue because your child has an auditory processing difficulty. The many issues that might arise because of a learning disability make it difficult to figure out if your child has one. After all, it’s common for kids have trouble with certain units in science class or resist doing their homework. Sometimes, you need to puzzle it out to see if a learning disability is to blame. “Inside the classroom you can see kids struggling. Then you can see them come home and be unhappy to do their homework,” says Cassie Reilly, the transition coordinator at Northport High School. “Homework gives parents a chance to see if kids are able to apply the skills they’re learning at school, at home independently. And if they’re not able to, that’s a sign to reach out to the teacher.” Another sign of a learning disability, Reilly says, can be that your child is trying so hard to get something right but is making no

progress. When you hear “needs to be working more toward potential” or “not trying hard enough” from your child’s teacher, that’s a warning. Unlike children with intellectual disabilities, kids with learning disabilities often have average or above-average IQs that aren’t reflected in their grades. When your child’s intellectual abilities do not match up with his ability to do schoolwork, that’s a red flag, says Erica Maltz, founder and CEO of WhizKidz Tutoring LLC in Westchester and a former educator. Poor executive functioning can also come into play with learning disabilities. “If you hear from a teacher that your child is disorganized, disengaged, not completing assignments…it might be a sign of learning troubles,” Maltz says.

Maybe it’s something else? “With some students, you might think it’s a learning disability, but they could be moving from another school or district in New York, or another state, and they just didn’t have good instruction [before],” Montgomery says. “[Learning issues] might be a function of being a multilingual learner, or the student wasn’t given appropriate instruction in the past.” Transitioning between grades can pose challenges for some students, Reilly says, and sometimes anxiety is just anxiety. Parents and educators need to consider the big picture of the child and evaluate her educational strengths and weaknesses against each other. Harold Levinson, M.D., director of the Levinson Medical Center for Learning Disabilities in Great Neck, points out that some symptoms of learning disabilities can be attributed to inner ear and cerebellum problems—issues that can be fixed with medication. If your child is finding learning difficult but also has memory and speech problems, uncoordinated balance, poor concentration, high activity levels and impulsivity, and was late to walk and talk, he might have an inner ear issue.

continued on next page Now what? If you’ve exhausted alternative explanations and still suspect a learning disability, you should begin the process of getting help. While many parents proceed directly to getting their child evaluated for an Individualized Education Program, there are some other options to consider first. For example, many schools offer intervention programs such as extra help in certain subjects that kids can participate in without an IEP. Completing a year of extra programming in areas where she’s struggling might be enough to get your kid up to speed. “The [New York City] DOE is supposed to provide at-risk services [called Response to Intervention] for students who are behind academically,” Montgomery says. “There should be opportunities to get that foundational instruction, repeated instruction, without needing to automatically get an IEP.” In fact, the New York State Department of Education mandates all schools offer RTI, though districts have the freedom to design their own programs as long as they meet basic state criteria. Schools also generally screen students’ math and reading

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levels at the beginning of the year. If you’ve previously been concerned about your child, now is a good time to check with her teacher and see if she has progressed from last year. The City, a nonprofit news outlet, recently reported that two Brooklyn elementary schools will implement a basic screening for dyslexia that will hopefully help diagnose more kids, earlier. Start by talking to your child’s teacher, Maltz says, and other professionals involved in your child’s life—school specialists, mental health professionals, and tutors. And if a teacher says your child is fine, but your gut tells you he is not, you should still proceed in getting help. Another tip? If you don’t have one already, get your child a tutor. Working 1-on-1 with children, tutors can help tremendously in terms of skills and confidence, Maltz says, and you can always switch to a tutor who specializes in a specific learning disability, if necessary, after your child is evaluated.

The Individualized Education Program If interventions have not helped your child progress, you have every right to ask for an IEP evaluation. The biggest factor in a successful evaluation and IEP formation is communication. “Two things parents should think about: advocacy and trust,” Maltz says. “An IEP is the most beneficial way for students to get the services they need in order to learn successfully in the classroom. And parents need to be involved in every part of the process.” Your district’s head of the Committee on Special Education should be listed on the school district website. Make your request to have a CSE meeting in writing. Ask for a full evaluation for your child— educational, psychological, speech and language, and occupational and physical therapy, if necessary. While you can pay for a private evaluation by a psychiatrist, psychologist, or neurologist, it’s very expensive and many evaluators don’t take insurance, Maltz says. Even if you decide to evaluate privately, get a school evaluation done anyway. It’s free and having more information can only help. When going through an evaluation, ask questions. Know who is conducting the different parts of the evaluation and where it will take place—some kids will benefit from seeing the testing room before the evaluation. And always make sure your child has gotten a good night’s sleep and had a healthy breakfast before testing, Maltz says. Throughout your child’s evaluation and beyond, especially if she is classified, remain her supporter and cheerleader, Maltz says. Encourage him to take an active role in understanding his learning disability and advocating for himself. Many students have recently started attending their IEP and CSE meetings. If your child understands his IEP, he can notice when standards are not being met in the classroom. “It’s important to remember, also, that it is not [you] and your child against ‘the system,’” Maltz continues. “Everyone sitting at the table [during a CSE meeting] does want what’s best for your child so [she] will become an independent learner in the future. And when you go in prepared, it’s a different ballgame.”

ADVOCACY MLM A BILINGUAL EDUCATIONAL ADVOCATE UN DEFENSOR EDUCATIVO

Why Can’t My Child Learn?

With expertise and a soft touch, Monica Mandell, LMSW, helps families navigate through the special education system. As an experienced bilingual social worker, Monica is able to diagnose and understand the causes of your child’s learning problems. Working together, she will map an advocacy plan to ensure your child’s access to the tools needed for success in school.

Call or email for a consultation: 914.308.0751 monica@mlmadvocacy.com Learn more at www.mlmadvocacy.com

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