ISSUE NO. 7 APRIL 2019
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Letter from the Editor Hi, I’m OnYou, Colour’s new Editor-in-Chief. Starting issue no. 7—rebranded, redesigned, and reimagined—we are aiming for our updated mission: to promote diversity and inclusion over a common appreciation for art and journalism. Currently, WashU lacks space where students of color can speak for our experience, tell our story, or simply talk about what we care about and put our work out there. So, welcome to Colour, the first magazine at Washington University in St. Louis that highlights the narratives of students of color and the local community of color. We strive to provide opportunities for people of color to have our voice heard and tell our stories. Hope you enjoy.
Sincerely, OnYou Kang Editor-in-Chief Colour
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Content
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9
Work Emails
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Kehinde Wiley at SLAM
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Golden Girls
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Love in Metal
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Cycles of Abuse and Forgiveness
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HESH
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Eveny Single Time
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Turmeric Lattes: The Booty Call I Took For Granted
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Rad/Radical
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Pop-up Shop, Mic Drop
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Empowering Items
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“Throw Your Gyro Ball!”
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The Team
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Editor-in-Chief
OnYou Kang
Editorial Director
Bersabeh Zenebe
Executive Editor
Ayanna Harrison
Creative Director Editor Design Leads
Jane Kye Sy-Wei Ho Jia Yu Hong Jane Kye Seulgee Lee
Staff Writers
Rob Hall Ayanna Harrison Rhea Khanna Dylan Wallace Bersabeh Zenebe
Designers
Maya St. Clair Brandon Wilburn
Photographers
Sy-Wei Ho Thomas No Dylan Wallace Brandon Wilburn
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COLOUR STAFF 2019
ONYOU KANG
BERSABEH ZENEBE
AYANNA HARRISON
JANE KYE
EDITOR IN CHIEF
EDITORIAL DIRECTOR
EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
TEAM 4
TEAM 2
TEAM 2
TEAM 3
SY-WEI HO
JIA YU HONG
SEULGEE LEE
ROB HALL
EDITOR
DESIGN LEAD
DESIGN LEAD
STAFF WRITER
TEAM 3
TEAM 2
TEAM 1
TEAM 3
COLOUR STAFF 2019
MAYA ST. CLAIR
RHEA KHANNA
THOMAS NO
DESIGNER
STAFF WRITER
PHOTOGRAPHER
TEAM 1
TEAM 1
TEAM 3
DYLAN WALLACE
BRANDON WILBURN
PHOTOGRAPHER
PHOTOGRAPHER
TEAM 2
TEAM 4
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COLOUR STAFF 2019
TEAM 1
TEAM 2
Seulgee Lee, Ayanna Harrison, Maya St. Clair
Dylan Wallace, Bersabeh Zenebe, Jia Yu Hong, Ayanna Harrison
TEAM 3
TEAM 4
Sy-Wei Ho, Jane Kye, Rob Hall, Thomas No
Brandon Wilburn, OnYou Kang
WORK EMAILS
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Work Emails Ayanna Harrison
kateh@tripush.com Re: Member of the fashion team switching to gaming at the LA office Mon 2/18 10:32 AM To: akeemanderson@tripush.com, sarahwalters@tripush.com… Hey Kaleem! We’re so happy to have you on our team. I’ve heard such good things from Jake. I hope we can talk soon. Kate
sarahwalters@tripush.com Re: Member of the fashion team switching to gaming at the LA office Mon 2/18 11:04 AM To: akeemanderson@tripush.com, kateh@tripush.com… Kareem, I’m so looking forward to working with you! See you this afternoon. Sarah
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WORK EMAILS
HOW DO THEY KEEP MISSPELLING MY NAME? It’s literally in the address. This is an email chain! I work with a bunch of fucking idiots.
“Okay, Jeff. I really have to get back to this, but I should be around after the meeting.” These are 5’s, and I definitely don’t have the best
I’m not coming in tomorrow, and I hope they say
sneakers in the office. Tim looks like he spends every
something about it, so I can let them know that I’m not
bonus check on a limited release. Idiots. Maybe he
that guy. I’m not the guy who keeps coming to work
wouldn’t stop to talk so much if I wasn’t at a standing
and pretending like nothing’s wrong. They chose the
desk. I guess I’ll have to decide soon. Take a few years
wrong person not to promote. Also have to go to Giant.
off of my life or keep talking to Jeff about shoes.
I wonder what Ethan’s doing tonight. He better not try to make a complicated ass dinner if we go out. I’m not trying to wait two hours because this man wants to make a chimichurri sauce. Like, the email is akeemwashington@tripush.com, how could you make that
I’d bet anything in the world that this meeting could
mistake? And to do it with so much confidence? Twice.
have just as easily been put in an email. Megan has
“Akeem! Where’d you get those shoes, man! Are those the Jordan 11’s? You know I had a pair right around when Space Jam came out.” “Uuhh I think I got them at a place called Nice Kicks. It’s near my house, and they usually have stuff on sale.” “Nice! You always have the best sneakers in the office. We gotta talk some time.”
to stop looking at me like all the walls in here aren’t made of glass. If you can see me, I can see you! Can’t sit next to her. Hopefully they won’t try to get me to talk from the back corner of this conference room. “Akeem!”-it hasn’t been 5 minutes- “could you tell us a little bit about what you’re working on? Maybe explain your methods because I know a lot of people have been curious.”
WORK EMAILS
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“Honestly, I think I explained it pretty well in the daily blog posts that we all have to write. If you can’t understand it there, I definitely can’t make it any easier for you right now. I also don’t see how I’m rewarded for giving you all these explanations that you then use to do your jobs better, but my bonus checks stay the same. This job is so easy a literal monkey could do it…”
jeffhare@tripush.com Re: Tense meeting today! Mon 2/18 3:52 PM To: akeemanderson@tripush.com Hey Kadeem, That had to be the tensest meeting that I’ve ever been in. I’m sorry to hear you feel that way! Hopefully we can get to a place where we all feel comfortable and affirmed. Looking forward to talking shoes with you! Jeff
KEHINDE WILEY AT SLAM
KEHINDE WILEY AT SLAM Bersabeh Zenebe
I had seen the Kehinde Wiley exhibition
contexts, consequentially challenging
at the St. Louis Art Museum about four
ideas about “high art� that have his-
times already, and on my fifth visit, I was
torically neglected images of blackness.
still captivated by the sheer brilliance of
Rendering a black figure in place of a
the works lining the walls of the exhibition
white one is a gesture that rescinds
room. Black figures stood tall in glorified
power and control of the elitist art world
statuesque positions, replicating the
that has historically been in the hands
scenes in art works created by white
of white artists. Instead, he invests this
European men. Staring at the black
control and power in the black body,
subjects as they looked back at me, I felt
extending it authority over the representa-
a great sense thrill and grandeur.
tion of its blackness.
Artist Kehinde Wiley reconstructs images
I was present at his lecture in October
of classical portraiture by inserting
when his works were scheduled to make
black people into traditionally European
their first appearance in St. Louis. He
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spoke about how his process involved
Wiley describes the deep research that
photographing residents from the city
went into creating his masterpieces.
he was in and painting them in contexts
He familiarizes himself with European
inspired by European and American works
art history in order to choose the most
on display in local museums. It was genius.
ideal works to reinterpret. The patterns
St. Louis residents could go to SLAM,
in his paintings’ backgrounds are visual
and quite literally see themselves on
descriptions of the specific black culture
display, in the glory of their own culture,
at the place he was painting in. In his
occupying a space that had never rep-
trips throughout Africa, he buys fabrics in
resented them before. For a densely
trade markets to use in the backgrounds
African-American city with a vibrant art
of his Africans portraits. His process is an
scene, this sort of work communicates
exploration of the blackness that exists
the value of their identities as it relates to
everywhere and is part of an effort to
their modes of production.
materialize the richness of black culture.
As I stroll through the SLAM exhibit, I capture a picture of a little black boy in front of Jacob de Graeff (2018). The man in the painting had one hand on his hip, and the other around his cane, regarding the audience with a look of scrutiny. The little boy crossed his arms, returning the same degree of examination. In my mind, I knew Kehinde had longed for moments like these, and I was happy to have captured the invaluable moment.
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GOLDEN GIRLS
golden
girls
Glittering lids, glowing skin, and golden light— Rachel and Tolu radiate warmth, confidence, and femininity in an Old World-inspired retelling of beauty, shared differences, and intimacy.
DIRECTION
PHOTOGRAPHY
MODELS
Jia Yu Hong
Dylan Wallace
Rachel Yoon Tolu Atoyebi
CYCLE OF ABUSE AND FORGIVENESS
GOLDEN GIRLS
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GOLDEN GIRLS
CYCLE OF ABUSE AND FORGIVENESS
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GOLDEN GIRLS
GOLDEN GIRLS
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LOVE IN METAL
LOVE IN METAL
Rob Hall
Arriving at WashU, or college in general,
While some of it is just flashy, much of the
can be quite the adjustment. For many, going away to
jewelry that I choose to wear has specific meaning to
school means leaving home - including all the people
me. For example, there are two rings that I wear every
and memories associated with it. This drastic change
day that were given to me by two of my best friends.
in lifestyle and community can be especially jarring
Wearing them reminds me they’re always with me every
for minority students. The nuances of our culture and
step of my life. I also wear a custom chain with the logo
background make finding a niche community in a new
of my artist collective, a group of people back home
place difficult. Because of all this, things that remind
that are family to me. This jewelry enjures sure that the
us of home become extremely valuable. There are
people that I love most are close to me everywhere that
many means to keep a sense of home, as home can
I go, even if we are distant in proximity. My interest in
manifest in many ways, but I am intrigued by one relic
jewelry and the stories behind it led me to start taking
in particular: jewelry.
notice of the jewelry of others around me. As curiosity got the best of me, I decided to ask some of my friends about the significance of their jewelry. I asked them to detail why it was important to them – whether that be where they acquired it, or who it reminded them of. These were their responses.
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LOVE IN METAL
Efua Osei
“This chain was given to me by my parents. It’s a symbol of my culture and my heritage, and after so many years of denying and trying to erase that part of myself, I don’t want myself, or anyone else, to forget it.
LOVE IN METAL
Lauren McGinnis
“I got it [from my mother] for Christmas the year my dad passed away. The interlocking nature of the ring reminds me of him and his presence in my life despite the lack of physical presence.�
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LOVE IN METAL
Josh McCullough
“I wear a leather bracelet with small brown wrapped around it. The rope is used to sort of tighten it around my wrist but also holds a metal plate with a cross. My grandma and I picked out this bracelet on Amazon in the summer of 2017 because she wanted me to have a little something Christian to wear (she was very religious). I had forgot all about ordering the bracelet with her and never got it from her house. She passed a week before that following Thanksgiving. Around my birthday in April my Uncle mailed it to me saying he found the present among her stuff already wrapped up from that summer. I’ve worn it almost every day since then.”
LOVE IN METAL
Thomas No
“It’s the first piece of jewelry my mother’s ever given me, and I’m pretty sure she’s trying to make this the “family heirloom that’s been passed down for generations” trope starting with this necklace. Knowing that makes it feel a little more special because she’s thinking about the future generations and maternalizing the lineage. It contrasts with Confucian ideals because it’s my mom that is providing for me. However, this notion also aligns with Confucian ideals because she is showing her maternal care for me and the generations to come. This necklace is a testament to the person I am today and the amalgamation (or clashing) of eastern and western cultures.”
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LOVE IN METAL
Aalisha Jaisinghani
“I wear a leather bracelet with small brown wrapped around it. The rope is used to sort of tighten it around my wrist but also holds a metal plate with a cross. My grandma and I picked out this bracelet on Amazon in the sum–mer of 2017 because she wanted me to have a little something Christian to wear (she was very religious). I had forgot all about ordering the bracelet with her and never got it from her house. She passed a week before that following Thanksgiving. Around my birthday in April my Uncle mailed it to me saying he found the present among her stuff already wrapped up from that summer. I’ve worn it almost every day since then.”
LOVE IN METAL
OnYou Kang
“My mom’s name is carved on the bigger (outer) ring and my name is carved on the smaller (inner) ring. Right before I was off to college I got it custom made at a jewelry shop. When I was going into elementary school, my mom melted all the gold that we had in the house and got me a 24K gold necklace that I wore every day until it became too small for me. So, when I wanted to get a new necklace, I brought my old necklace and my parents’ wedding ring (which they never wear cause they both hate rings lol) and melted it to make two new necklaces. My mom has the same exact necklace. I got a gold one and my mom got a rose gold one but other than the color they are identical. The pendant symbolizes my mom’s protection and love and it’s also a constant reminder of how much she means to me. It is also nice to share something with her when I have been away from home for such an early age.”
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CYCLE OF ABUSE AND FORGIVENESS
Cycles of Abuse and Forgiveness
It’s hard to deny the fact that hip-hop has be-
Dylan Wallace
Maybe the first step should be to stop giving
come one of the most popular music genres, it’s artists
them so much financial support. Bitch media, a website
sign multi million dollar deals with record labels, fashion
focused on highlighting and advocating feminism in pop
lines, and even major alcohol brands. The dominance of
culture and media, has a short article by Jasmine Burnett
hip-hop in modern day culture is undeniable, but what’s
that highlights the problem with profiting form abuse
even more powerful is the ability of hip-hop artists to in-
stating that:
fluence others. Many artists have come forward to fight against a multitude of issues such as gun violence, mi-
nority incarceration, and African American rights. They
that profits from it, have always accepted Black men’s
“The hip-hop community, and the music industry
have the ability to spread impactful messages through
violence against Black women and rewarded them with
their music and their actions, but it seems that artists pick
success. From Dr. Dre assaulting his ex-girlfriend Michel’le
and choose which issues they want support. One specific
and journalist Dee Barnes to Tupac spending eight months
issue that lacks attention is domestic abuse. Intimate
in prison for sex abuse to XXXTentacion’s sophomore
partner violence has been issue ignored by many prom-
album? Debuting at the top of the Billboard 200…. violence
inent artists in hip-hop since creation in the 1970. Art-
against women has been commonplace and occurs with
ists such as XXXtentacion, R Kelly, Dr. Dre have lengthily
-out serious consequence”
records of domestic abuse, yet it didn’t stop other artists from collaborating with them. The adoration of their fans
seems largely unchanged and this begs the question of
artists inflict upon women they are seen as a minor offen-
It seems that no matter what kind abuse male
why people seem less concerned and more forgiving of
ses or just another popular headline on social media.
hip hop artists who commit domestic abuse and how do
Being wrapped up in intimate partner violence can have
we hold them more accountable for their actions?
little effect on an artists and in many cases can even
CYCLE OF ABUSE AND FORGIVENESS
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help boost their popularity as seen with the case of XXXtentacion. Being surrounded by controversy can often attract more attention than was lost in the first place.
Too often do artists never admit to any wrong
doing, but are still forgiven by their listeners after a short time has passed. People do have the ability to change for the better and it is ok to eventually forgive artists for what they’ve done as long as they seem genuinely sorry about it. When people are so easy to forgive it creates a culture where the problem never truly gets solved and the life and health of the victim is viewed to be less than the of the abuser. It’s become easy for fans to completely ignore the person that has been abused and instead focus on the perpetrator of the violence because they have a presence in media. Forgiveness can come more naturally when fans are not able to see both sides of the issue completely, which may contribute to why Hip-hop artists don’t’ see a reduction of music sales even after they are apart of controversial intimate partner event.
There is no certainty to how long it will take
for hip-hop to change its ways and be more vigilant and judgmental when it comes to issues of domestic abuse. It’s become too much of a common issue, fans and artists alike are to easy to dismiss an abusers wrong doing, but with vigilance and stricter consequences for guilty musicians it may be possible to change things for the better and reduce the amount of incidents. It will take everyone coming together and having an open discussion about the issues and laying down concrete barriers to those who are guilty of abuse. As the genre continues to grow it will depend on the new wave of young talent to set a standard that their predecessors couldn’t and finally treat their partners with the respect and the dignity that they deserve.
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HESH
THOMAS NO
HESH
HESH
FIN.
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EVERY SINGLE TIME
Every Single Time Jennifer Dakotah
EVERY SINGLE TIME
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do you know what it’s like to miss something that hasn’t even happened yet? could not ever even happen? just the thought of it you miss like, you miss what it would be, what you have thought of it being what you knew it could be but just weren’t brave enough to let it? do you know what it’s like to miss someone even when you’re in the same room? well, you probably do, we’re poets, it happens all the time but I mean do you know what it’s like to miss what someone could mean to you? to miss what they would be in another time or another life or another month or so. do you know what it’s like to long for something that can never be undone? like to long for a person or a life or a day to be deleted? like you wish that it never happened or they never happened or maybe even you never happened because then at least you wouldn’t have to sit here and watch this mess like a movie you didn’t mean to buy the tickets to? do you know what it’s like to have that feeling right below your heart? just beneath your sternum? that feeling of a dead blossoming thing? that feeling of why this? why now? why do I love the wrong ones every single time?
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TURMERIC LATTES: THE BOOTY CALL I TOOK FOR GRANTED
The Booty Call I Took For Granted Rhea Khanna
EVER FELT RESTLESS AT 11:30 PM?
Growing up in New Delhi, I had exactly that. A vehicle for comfort — one I could turn to late at night, and
It’s late but not too late… cold — maybe not inside
then neglect all through during the day and especially
where you are, but cold outside, and that makes a
in public. But you know when you see your booty call
difference right? You toss around in bed, restlessness
with someone else? Or even more surreal — when you
overcoming every inch of your body and mind, and all
see them as a totally different person than the one
you want… all you crave, is just a little comfort?
you’re familiar with. A side of them so unrecognizable it almost screams that they don’t need… or even want
Well it’s not a taboo anymore. We all have those booty
you as much as you thought they would…Well, let me
calls that we tread into undefined areas with. The ones
introduce you to haldi doodh, or rather, ‘turmeric milk’—
we sometimes hide, occasionally refuse to acknowl-
the booty call I took for granted and the one that
edge, or barely go beyond exchanging names with. Yet
surprised me the most.
strangely enough, they’re the very people who feed our most fundamental needs — comfort, confidence and
A warm cup of milk and a pinch of turmeric and honey
some degree of satisfaction.
was all that it took to bring haldi doodh to life. It was
TURMERIC LATTES: THE BOOTY CALL I TOOK FOR GRANTED
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Illustration by Bersabeh Zenebe
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TURMERIC LATTES: THE BOOTY CALL I TOOK FOR GRANTED
— and still is — believed to be the ultimate antidote in many Indian households. As an immunity booster, it is called upon whenever an ailment appears, be it a fever, sore throat or cold, and is even looked upon as an aid for sleep. As almost every Indian mother’s go-to remedy, haldi doodh took on a recurring role in my life — but a complex one as well. See, the irony behind this concoction, was that while it was a feel-good drink that felt like a warm hug in a cup, it was still just a cup of milk that our mothers and grandmothers made us have — and not only did we want to prove we weren’t
“the ultimate antidote” desire in the mix. And just like that, the cycle of using haldi doodh to my advantage with no strings attached went on and on, until one day I got see my familiar friend with benefits in a way I had never seen before. ‘Turmeric Lattes’ or ‘Golden Lattes’ read the signs at every remotely millennial coffee shop. Haldi doodh to… golden latte. Holy s***.
babies anymore and totally over the milk-phase, as kids,
Aaand there you go, you see your ever so reliable
we were pretty much anti-whatever mothers endorsed.
booty call on tinder with a profile clearly inviting
“But you know when you see your booty call with someone else?”
anyone beyond you. Sure yeah, you’re on tinder too, but it makes you still wonder doesn’t it? You find their Instagram… and who knew your booty call could pull off a tight red sleeved jacket and had over a 1,000 followers. Look at all those likes. All that validation. Do you even matter to them? All of a sudden, your
And so, began the complicated relationship between
booty call is someone that everyone wants to be even
me and haldi doodh. The one I’d chase when it was
tangentially associated with. Yeah sure, a part of you
appropriately late. The one I’d savor slowly and then all
is happy for them. You never put them on any pedestal
at once. The one whose sweet warmth would perme-
or showered them with rose petals. Hell, you barely
ate my entire body… every limb tingling. And the one I
mentioned them to your best friends. So it’s kind of
could still taste on my lips as I fell asleep. Haldi doodh
nice seeing them loved and validated. You don’t really
wasn’t anything extraordinary or special. More like the
feel jealous, in fact it kind of takes the pressure of
girl next door, haldi doodh was just a standard and
you… if you ever felt any at the back of your mind. It
regular home remedy that a lot of us were used to. But
also almost gives you a feeling of gratification, that
despite that — or maybe because of that — it lent itself
others too appreciate your booty call… almost as if
in ways that a lot of fancy and special assortments
your long-term, under the wraps, relationship finally
failed to. Maybe it was the familiarity or its imbuement
has some clout. But while you do feel happy for them
with motherly love and concern… or maybe it was both.
and a little bit of pride as well (finally), it’s almost a
But these very traits were the very reasons for the lack
little unsettling. Why hadn’t I seen that side of them?
of affirmation it received. It was something I wouldn’t
Is there something there that I’m failing to see? I mean
bring up in social settings unless asked, only to casu-
the benefits were always great, but what made them
ally mention I indulge in it with no real attachment or
so extra special now?
TURMERIC LATTES: THE BOOTY CALL I TOOK FOR GRANTED
I now proudly say I grew up with ‘turmeric lattes’. I always knew they were great and now I’m ready to own our relationship. Sure it took a little transformation from haldi doodh to golden latte for me to see it… but it was nothing serious anyway right?
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RAD/RADICAL
Maya St. Clair
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R.O.T.C/W.U.L.F ADVICE/PERSONALS GROUPS/COMMUNITIES FASHION/EXPRESSION
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RAD/RADICAL
RAD/RADICAL
2
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EVENT REVIEW
POP-UP SHOP, MIC DROP Armour Magazine in collaboration with St. Louis Contemporary Art Museum for their 21st issue release event, 2018
Jane Kye
EVENT REVIEW
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A group of friends helping out at Sang Jin Lee’s pop-up shop.
November 30th 2018, Armour magazine opened an event in collaboration with CAM, St. Louis’ Contemporary Art Museum. The event consisted of nicely dressed attendees, a bar offering cocktails and snacks, the exhibit at the time, Basquiat, and a wonderful performance by artist and student, Rob Hall. I had the wonderful opportunity to help a friend of mine, Sang Jin Lee, senior majoring in Communications Design, at his apparel pop-up shop, tucked strategically at the museum’s front doors. The night continued in a blur of crewnecks, photoshoots and sips of wine.
Sang-Jin Lee, Founder of SJ.BRAND Jane Kye, Event Creative Director Rob Hall, Event Performer
EVENT REVIEW
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Rob performing in front of a group of people.
The purpose behind the photoshoot for Sang Jin’s
located on Olive is rumored to be knocked down soon
pop-up corner was to get authentic and almost “street
and replaced with a Costco. Sang Jin wanted to in a
photography” photos of people wearing the clothing.
sense protest this and perserve the store in some way.
Then, later, these photos would be used for the
The other shirt was a black one, with once again the
lookbook. Sang Jin wanted some candid photos of real
logo on the front, but on the back was a scene from
students, while also giving them a sort of momentum of
Kill Bill. He was inspired by Lucy Lui’s character and
the night they had at the event.
the animation sequence that narrated her character’s
The clothing he showcased were either hung nicely on a rack he had by a mirror, and others were folded
background story. This shirt in particular is my favorite design of the two.
as display models on the table we were provided
During this time, a collection of Basquiat paintings
with. The actually items had three simple options:
were showcased at the museum. People leisurely
crewnecks, sweatshirts, and t-shirts. The crewnecks
walked around, looking at the artwork and chatting
and sweatshirts were from a previous line he designed,
with friends. Although there was not much time for me
Gen-K. The shirts on the other hand were new designs
to go and look at the paintings myself, from my distant
he made. The cement grey shirt had his brand logo on
perspective, they seemed to compliment the event well.
the front and a photograph of him posing in front of a
In the background, you could hear a crowd of people
Korean grocery store on the back. The grocery store
cheering on a particular musician: Robert Hall. Next to
served as a sort of motif for Sang Jin, as he took many
the Basquiat exhibit, stood a lone figure on a sort of
photos there for other projects. He particularly wanted
platform. There were a few stairs below him and a pool
to use this photo because the grocery store, which is
of attendees watching. Although Rob was performing
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EVENT REVIEW
by himself when I saw him, he seemed to demand a certain presence. Despite the stage not looking like a typical one, the performance certainly seemed to have a real concert-level to it. The music itself fit the general vibe of the space and event, but it also stood out with its deep bass and interesting rhythm. To me, an event is not really complete without the right music and having him live-perform seemed to be the right move. Rob’s new album HADES is now available on Spotify and the live show on March 30th is for sure one I anticipate to be worth going to.
Photography by Sy Wei Ho
HADES by Rob Apollo
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EMPOWERING ITEMS
Empowering Items directed by
OnYou Kang
photography by
Brandon Wilburn
models
Kamsi Achigbu Seth Akakpo-Lado Belal Jamil Seulgee Lee Gary Wang
Everyone got some clothes that they feel so fucking cool in them—I know I do. So we told the models, “Hi all, for the photoshoot tomorrow, wear whichever clothes that make you feel the most empowered and strong.” Then the next day, we took them to 7-eleven and IKEA.
“Throw your gyro ball!” Anonymous
“THROW YOUR GYRO BALL!”
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The thrill and cheers were the most exciting part. With one fluid motion the ball slips, sensuously out of my pterodactyl-like fingers, whizzing through the sticky August air. I watch the batter’s eye to see what he’s thinking. He looks a bit nervous, but is looking me dead in the eye. I think about the previous 2 pitches. He whiffed on the previous two sinker balls and fouled the fastball right back. That meant he was on it timing wise. Probably better to throw a sinker or a change- up. I did, and he slaps it right back towards me. I snag it out of the air without hesitation, deftly snuffing out their momentum and ending the inning. But before I walk off the mound, they started chanting “Daisuke Matsuzaka!” and “Throw your gyroball!”. Daisuke was the most popular rising Japanese baseball player at the time. I felt embarrassed, humiliated, and helpless. Who were these people?
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“THROW YOUR GYRO BALL!”
I held back the urge to go fight one of the kids chanting
Rather, it is the worst side in all of us. It comes out
it. I wanted to so so badly. But I thought of my parents
when we are hurt, or if we’re scared. It is the failure of
in the crowd watching. Causing a fight is an automatic
empathy that can come as swiftly as a fire through a
suspension for the next game. I held back. Does it take
forest. I learned, on that day. How it can make you feel
more courage to fight back against hatred? Was I being
small and pathetic. How it crumbles your seemingly
a coward for not fighting back? Why was I so scared to
indestructible self-image. I became aware of the
fight back? I’m better than them, I told myself. I’d never
complete lack of empathy that people are capable of
been treated in such a way at home or at school. I think
using towards others.
I was just a shy kid, and I was just scared to stand up to them. Today, more mature and self-assured, I still struggle with moments where the right thing to do is to stand up. Growing up – I never really thought of myself as an “Asian kid”. It was more, I’m a kid who happened to be Asian. Where I grew up, most people weren’t racist idiots, and the ones that were lived in trailer parks eating the sad lies that Fox news. But on that dusty mound in August, against a row of wild-eyed teenage boys I had nothing to do with, I learned first hand the ugly face of racism. It is not so much an enemy that prowls amongst us, waiting to take out the innocent.
But there is something that everyone can take from this. What others can take from us is only what we give them. We are all beautiful, immaculate, and strong. When the face of evil turns its ugly head towards you, one must have the courage to beat it back into the ground.
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