City Weekly March 16, 2023

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They’re Afraid. I’m Terrified

I’m tired of being afraid. I was afraid to go to school as a kid and bullied for being Arab. I was afraid as a teenager for discovering who I am. I was afraid as an adult for working as a journalist. I was afraid of coming to the U.S. during a pandemic. Now, I’m getting afraid of being in Utah.

It seems like people in power can’t accept that some of us are different—that we want to be accepted and respected. Here’s a recap of some bills debated during the recent legislative session.

SB283 would have prohibited any diversity, equity and inclusion offices or officers at Utah’s public colleges and universities.

HB451 would have banned schools from asking an applicant anything about their work to further inclusion.

HB550 would have prohibited any discussion of sexuality, sexual orientation or gender identity in schools.

Just as Salt Lake City Democratic Rep. Sandra Hollins said: “I don’t know what the fear is.” Are they afraid of Black people? Queer people? Immigrants? Inclusion? Because if so, I’m not afraid of what could happen to me—I’m terrified.

They tried to kill me in Venezuela— twice—because I was a protestor. I focused on my studies until I had to pack my dreams and hopes. My family ran away from Syria’s dictatorship decades ago, and I did it again fleeing Venezuela’s.

I’m Latino, Arab, an immigrant, a journalist and other things I can’t say because I don’t feel safe. I thought I would be safe here, but now I’m rethinking a lot.

Am I welcome here? Do they want us here? Or is Utah going to become a state just for white, cisgender, straight, Christian, American people?

I don’t want to be afraid of the answers. I’m tired of it.

ALAN DULUL Millcreek

Our Wise Lawmakers

Thank you, Rep. Jeff Stenquist, R-Draper, for protecting our youngest against the disgusting efforts of Utah educators to fill children’s minds with prurient filth.

It made me realize how terrible it is that my husband’s now-40-year-old and “woke” former students say he was their favorite teacher.

He taught AP American History, was a district Teacher of the Year and was second runner-up for state Teacher of the Year after losing to one of those nasty, brainwashing kindergarten teachers.

And Stenquist made me realize that, as an AP European History teacher, I had de-

filed the innocence of high school seniors by showing the “X-rated” paintings by European masters.

But my husband and I were nothing compared to our daughter’s kindergarten teacher, who was mistakenly beloved by the Highland Park community.

We are certain this teacher is responsible for the time that our then-5-year-old daughter, while playing with our nativity scene, had Mary ask Joseph whether he wanted to have sex.

Or, wait … maybe it was the fact that she had watched The Young and the Resltess with me while she was home sick for a week?

LORI GARDNER Salt Lake City

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THE WATER COOLER

How do you celebrate—or avoid—St. Patrick’s Day?

Carolyn Campbell

I like to watch The Fugitive, particularly the scene when Harrison Ford escapes into a St. Patrick’s Day parade.

Bill Frost

I avoid any place featuring a “Celtic” band that was a regular band just last week. Mostly because I wish I’d thought of this cash-in scheme.

Benjamin Wood

My mother’s side of the family has a potluck get-together every month and also has Irish roots. For March, my aunt whips up a giant pot of the best corned beef and cabbage you’ve ever had—mustard optional, but preferred.

Kelly Boyce

I shave a shamrock into my head, put on gold booty shorts, then drink green beer at our local bars and festivals and pet all the puppies in the parade at The Gateway. Then, I read all the St. Patrick Bible verses after I smoke green plants.

Scott Renshaw

It’s never meant a thing to me, by virtue of cultural heritage or as an excuse to drink heavily. That whole “pinch if you’re not wearing green” thing traumatized me enough in grade school that I’ve subsequently given the whole thing a pass.

Eric Granato

I stay away from the festivities. I’m easily mistaken for a leprechaun or Irish man.

BY JOHN RASMUSON

Rampant Ussification

Every Wednesday afternoon, I pick up a copy of City Weekly and open it to page 6 to read John Saltas’ Private Eye. The column, which has run for years, draws on his Greek lineage, insider knowledge of all things Utah and the writer’s no-holds-barred “saltussy.”

Saltussy?

A full disclosure at this point will spare readers the bother of looking it up. The ink has not yet dried on the noun I coined by grafting “ussy” on the backside of “Saltas” to create the neologism, “saltussy.” This practice of so-called “ussification” is so prevalent on TikTok and its ilk that “ussy” was voted the 2022 Word of the Year by the American Dialect Society.

In a press release, the respected academic organization called “ussy” a “playful suffix,” useful for generating new slang. The Urban Dictionary describes “ussification” as an expression of the soul, passion or strength of someone’s effort in a project or work of art or project.

Counting upstarts like “saltussy,” the English language has roughly 170,000 words. And most people’s vocabulary includes between 20,000 and 30,000 words. Which of the thousands we use—and how we connect them—is a factor in developing a distinctive voice. Two examples illustrate the point:

A friend’s 19-year-old grandson emails updates from his Latter-day Saint mission to his friends and family. The young missionary reports on events like “a super cool baptism” alongside such misfortune as: “We woke up sick, which sucked.”

In his 12th novel, Cormac McCarthy, now 89, describes a large person’s butt as “wobbling away down the street like a sack of cats headed for the river.”

Two distinctive voices, each as readily identifiable as an

orange comb-over is to Donald Trump, or as the pockpock-pock of a pickleball is to retired boomers seeking a foursome. The age gap separating the teenage missionary from the octogenarian novelist is an integral detail, I think. While the English lexicon adds 1,000 or more words each year, there are probably just as many that disappear— many in step with generational turnover. The Greatest Generation used “bee’s knees” to describe something surpassingly wonderful. In the 1960s, boomers ditched bees and embraced “bitching” as a superlative. (The Beatles and Rolling Stones were bitchin’ bands. Cruising State Street in a Corvette was so bitchin’.)

Not long ago, millennials ran “awesome” into the ground, and Gen Z seems determined to do the same with “perfect.” Given this constant lexical flux, it’s interesting to take a few measurements now and then to map where we’ve been and where we’re going. What happened to make “awe” into “awful” decades before “awesome” was worn out by millennials?

One metric is the Word of the Year (WOTY) selection. Each year, the dictionary companies choose a WOTY based on usage. According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word is meant to reflect “the ethos, mood or preoccupations of the past 12 months, one that has potential as a term of lasting cultural significance.” Its 2022 choice was “goblin mode,” slang for “a type of behavior which is unapologetically self-indulgent, lazy, slovenly or greedy, typically in a way that rejects social norms or expectations.”

Collins Dictionary picked “permacrisis” as its WOTY. Defined as “an extended period of instability and insecurity, especially one resulting from a series of catastrophic events.” The noun is dispiriting. Utah’s share of the permacrisis is driven by drought, pollution, growth and the latest crusade du jour of its Republican overlords.

Merriam-Webster’s decision to showcase “gaslighting” calls attention to our post-truth age. The verb has a long history; however, it has lately come to mean “the act or practice of grossly misleading someone, especially for a personal advantage.” Its rise to prominence should surprise no one. After all, we live in a country whose previous commander in chief doubled as “gaslighter in chief,” and who did so with impunity.

It is also not surprising that contemporaneous events affect the WOTY selection process. They can cause a spike in traffic on the dictionaries’ websites which, in turn, causes a word to become a WOTY contender overnight.

One example in 2022 was the so-called “Wordle effect,” a phenomenon related to The New York Times’ online word puzzle of the same name. On a day when “homer” was the game’s winning word, more than 64,000 people—most of whom were presumably unfamiliar with baseball—looked it up. The Cambridge Dictionary subsequently named “homer” the WOTY.

Another example is “woman.” It was Dictionary.com’s pick last year. It called to mind during the confirmation hearing of Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson, when Tennessee Republican Sen. Marsha Blackburn asked her to provide a definition of “woman.”

“I’m not a biologist,” parried Jackson. A woman is “an adult female person,” says Dictionary.com, but “the word belongs to each and every woman—however they define themselves.”

It is clear that self-definition will shape the evolution of “neopronouns” in English. To change pronouns—replacing the familiar “his” and “her” with the likes of “xe” and “fae”—will vex dyed-in-the-wool boomers like me. Three years have passed since “they” was Merriam-Webster’s WOTY as a singular pronoun, but I still tend to default to “his” as I was taught in school.

Meanwhile, the argot of COVID-19 continues to dominate the discourse of the English-speaking world, according to the Global Language Monitor. The most-used word in 2022 was “denier.”

Two words I looked up more than once—with rising alarm—were “chatbot” and “deadpool.” The latter may soon describe a catastrophe at Lake Mead and Lake Powell, while chatbots seem poised to put us scribblers out of work, despite their unremarkable writer’s voice.

As a first-time “ussifier,” however, my personal WOTY was “saltussy.” You can experience it firsthand when Private Eye returns to this space in the near future. CW

Private Eye is off this week. Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net

HITS & MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE | @kathybiele

HIT: By the Numbers

Now that our supermajority Legislature has gavelled out, we have to try to make sense of the process. The Salt Lake Tribune’s Andy Larsen, with the help of BYU professor Adam Brown, mapped out who has the power and who gets trounced during the session. First, just let it sink in that lawmakers rammed through a record 929 bills—575 of which passed—in 45 days. Were they all important bills deserving of rigorous debate? Hardly. The House spent 65 hours debating while the Senate spent 66. Those with the most airtime: vouchers/teacher raises; transgender health care; the new state flag; social media for youth; individual freedom in public education; and court injunctions. Apparently, the new flag is so contentious that some group is trying to pass an initiative to get it reconsidered. But here’s the eye-opener: “80% of Republican-sponsored bills got a vote on the floor. Only 48% of Democrat-sponsored bills did.” We all know why.

MISS: Above the Law

Most of us remember a time when we’ve tried to talk our way out of a traffic ticket. Who knew there was a handy manual for that? Amazon is selling a number of guides, including “a 3-volume, 750+ page tome with extensive updates of the renowned underground classic, the Global Sovereign’s Handbook , first published in 1992 with 40,000 copies sold internationally before the internet.” Sadly, 25-year-old Chase Allan paid with his life when he refused to obey orders during a Farmington police stop, the Deseret News reported. The University of North Carolina says the so-called “Sovereign Citizen” movement can be harmless cranks or deadly fanatics. And the Southern Poverty Law Center calls them a terrorist group estimated in the hundreds of thousands. Those numbers are not hard to believe given the growing societal violence and deeply held conspiracy theories in the country.

MISS: A House Divided

We know what’s coming, we just don’t know what to do about it. Homelessness as a political issue will be driving the upcoming campaign season. Axios detailed how homelessness is affecting local politics everywhere. Lack of momentum may have been a deciding factor in Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot’s defeat, and it’s making liberal mayors take a harder line in the fight. High rents, drugs and mental illness are pushing people out of their homes. In Salt Lake, we’re gearing up for a Rocky II mayoral contest, this time against Mayor Erin Mendenhall, who has struggled to make a dent in what many see as the city’s No. 1 problem. Rocky Anderson blames her for harsh and inhumane reactions, while Mendenhall insists she must stay the course.

“The mayor and her administration have been spinning their wheels when things are just getting worse,” Anderson says, accusing the city of gentrifying at the expense of affordable housing. In a Democratic city, it behooves the candidates to solve the unsolvable.

When Irish Streets Are Smiling I

t’s that time of year again, when we don green attire, order a shepherd’s pie from our restaurants’ specialty menus and drop-in at our nearest watering holes to drink our annual allotment of Guinness beer and/or Jameson whiskey.

Whether you attended the Saint Patrick’s Day parade at The Gateway this past weekend on March 11 or plan to partake in the festivities on the actual holiday this Friday, you’re never short on options when it comes to celebrating in Salt Lake City. But instead of hitting all the major sites, I opt for swinging by some lesser-known Irish landmarks around town.

Of course, the main draw is visiting the Saint Patrick Catholic Church—a site dedicated to the holiday’s namesake—at 400 South and Goshen Avenue in Poplar Grove (above). The church has an extensive and interesting history. Founded in 1892, it was relocated to its current building in the mid-1910s and effectively rebuilt after fires engulfed it in both 1924 and 1965. The congregation is diverse and has been since its inception—a testament to the multiculturalism of the west side. It currently hosts both Tongan and African Mass on a monthly basis.

In addition to historical sights, I also like to stop by homes in Sugar House that have a knack for decorating around every holiday, with Saint Patrick’s Day being no exception. A residence near Nibley Park Elementary at 2785 S. 800 East is famous for showcasing a mannequin couple outside their porch, rotating their costumes throughout the year. The get-up for St. Paddy’s—with bright bowler hats and patterned blazers—is a particular favorite of mine (bottom left).

Not to be outdone is an inflatablefilled front yard near Dilworth Elementary at 1953 S. 2100 East. Although subdued compared to their celebrations of Thanksgiving and Christmas—perhaps Irish inflatables are in shorter supply?—they still manage to stitch together an eclectic scene of shamrocks, leprechauns and Disney characters decked out in green (bottom right).

If you want a dose of second-hand luck, venture to one of these charming spots. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, SLC!

Congregants have met at Poplar Grove’s St. Patrick Catholic Church for more than a century.

Irish eyes are smiling at the happy mannequins in Sugar House, left. Nearby, front-yard inflatables lift Irish spirits.

It seems like, these days, everyone is finding classified documents in places that they shouldn’t be: their homes, their offices, their storage lockers, their garages, their guitar cases, between the cracks of their couches, under some withered celery in the vegetable drawer … OK, we’re exaggerating—but it is getting ridiculous.

While the pundits continue to speculate whether former President Donald Trump, former Vice President Mike Pence and President Joe Biden put national security at risk by hoarding these secrets, that ultimately might not be the biggest problem.

What we know for sure is that these episodes illustrate overlapping problems for government transparency. It reveals an epidemic of over-aggressive classification of documents that could easily be made public. And it means that an untold number of documents that belong to the public went missing—even though we may not get to see them for at least 25 years, when

the law requires a mandatory declassification review.

Then there’s the big, troubling transparency question: If these officials pocketed national secrets, what other troves of non-secret but nonetheless important documents did they hold on to, potentially frustrating the public’s ability to ever see them?

It doesn’t do much good to file a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request for records that have mysteriously disappeared.

Misbehavior like this is why we created The Foilies, our annual tongue-incheek “awards” for agencies and officials that thwart the public’s right to government information or otherwise respond outrageously to requests for documents and records.

Each year, the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) and MuckRock News, in partnership with the Association of Alternative Newsmedia (AAN), publish this list of ne’er-do-wells to celebrate Sunshine Week (March 12-18)—an annual event to raise the profile of the democratic concept of government transparency.

It may be many years before the public learns what secret and not-so-secret documents weren’t turned over by past administrations to the National Archives. But when we do, we’ll be sure to nominate them for the top prizes.

In the meantime, we have no shortage of redaction rascals and right-toknow knaves, from agencies assessing astronomical fees to obtain documents to officials who overtly obstruct openness to protect corporate interests.

Read on and get to know the 2023 who’s-who of government opacity.

(I’m Not Your) Steppin’ Stone to Transparency Award: Federal Bureau of Investigation

We are all lucky that the FBI is always on the lookout for “left wing innovations of a political nature,” especially those nasty “subliminal messages.” That’s why, in 1967, it sent an informant to a Monkees con-

cert, who reported on the band’s antiwar sentiment to add to the FBI’s growing file on the band.

Micky Dolenz, the band’s sole surviving member, is suing for that file under FOIA. As his complaint points out, the FBI spied on many musicians of that era, including Jimi Hendrix and John Lennon.

Dolenz sued after the FBI failed to produce the file beyond the heavily redacted portion that it already published online. The FBI has since provided five more redacted pages, Dolenz’s attorney tells us.

Hopefully, this will shed more light on the FBI’s heroic war against Beatles, Monkees and other subversive members of the animal kingdom.

The Redactions Don’t Gitmo Surreal Award: The U.S. Southern Command

The U.S. facility at Guantanamo Bay regularly serves up both insults and injuries. A number of people still held there have been subjected to torture and other inhumane treatment at U.S. “black sites;” many are imprisoned indefinitely; and the Pentagon considers detainees’ artwork to be property of the U.S. government.

The whole thing is surreal, but U.S. Southern Command (SOUTHCOM) has more techniques for turning up the dial.

Bloomberg reporter Jason Leopold submitted a FOIA request in 2017 for artwork created by those detained at Guantanamo Bay. SOUTHCOM finally fulfilled the request last spring, and it took its own creative liberties with the release. To the hundreds of pages of colorful paintings and drawings created by Gitmo prisoners, the military added hundreds of little white redactions.

FOIA requires redactions to be very particular and to specifically cite applicable exemptions. It seems there were plenty of very particular elements with which the agency took issue, claiming that amidst trees of leaves and other scenes were materials that were ineligible for release due to personal privacy concerns and the risk that they would betray law enforcement techniques. When prisoners’ art could potentially disclose military secrets, we’re well through the looking glass.

“Gitmo, after 20-plus years, is not only a black box of secrecy,” Leopold said, “but it has its own Orwellian rules when it comes to transparency.”

We Can Neither Confirm Nor Deny the Existence of This Award: National Security Agency

Sometimes agencies will respond to your FOIA request with a stack of documents. Other times, they will reject the request out of hand.

But some agencies choose a third route: They tell you they can neither confirm nor deny whether the information exists, because the subject matter is classified or because a positive or negative response would expose the agency’s hand in whatever intelligence or investigation game they’re playing.

This so-called “Glomar response” is derived from a Cold War-era case, when the CIA refused to confirm or deny to the Los Angeles Times whether it had information about the USNS Hughes Glomar Explorer, a CIA ship that was used to try to salvage a sunken Soviet spy sub.

“The Reporters Committee for Freedom of the Press is studying the prevalence of so-called ‘Glomar’ responses to FOIA requests across the federal government,” RCFP senior staff attorney Adam Marshall told us. “As part of that project, it has submitted FOIA requests (what else) to every federal agency regarding their Glomar volume over a five-year period.”

So far, RCFP has learned that the U.S. Commodity Futures Trading Commission sent four Glomars; the U.S. Department of Energy Office of the Inspector General sent 14; and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office of the Inspector General sent 102.

The NSA came back with an astounding 2,721 Glomar responses over the five-year period. As Marshall noted on Twitter, in fiscal year 2021 alone, Glomars accounted for at least 41% of all the FOIA requests the NSA processed. And so we honor the NSA for being so transparent about its lack of transparency.

The Wishy-Washy Access Award: Alphabet and The Dalles, Oregon

The Western United States has been caught in a 20year megadrought, but when The Oregonian/OregonLive sought records on water usage from the city of The Dalles, the news organization found itself on the wrong side of a lawsuit. The city claimed the data was a trade secret, and filed suit on behalf of Google parent company Alphabet to block the release of records.

Alphabet, like other major tech companies, has increasingly invested in massive data centers that slurp up vast quantities of water to cool off their hardware. How much water, however, was a mystery, and one of pressing concern for locals. One resident told The Associated Press she had seen her well water continue to drop year after year. “At the end of the day, if there’s not enough water, who’s going to win?” she asked.

After a 13-month fight, there was something to sa vor: The city dropped its fight. Alphabet even tried to spin it as a PR win and declared itself a champion of transparency.

“It is one example of the importance of transparency, which we are aiming to in crease ... which includes site-level wa ter usage numbers for all our U.S. data center sites, including The Dalles,” a spokesperson said at the time.

It was worth the fight: The data centers’ water usage had tripled in the past five years, to where it consumes more than a quar ter of all water used in the city, according to analysis from Mike Rogoway at The Orego nian/OregonLive.

The Outrageous FOIA Fee of the Year Award: Rochester Community Schools District

This year’s winner for most ludicrous fee assessment takes us to a suburb north of Detroit, where parents were met with a hefty price tag for trying to find out whether the school district was spy ing on them.

As reported by WXYZ, the parents were part of a Facebook group where they dis cussed their dissatisfaction with the district’s approach to remote learning. After a local parent sued the district, claiming she was fired because a district official had complained to her employer about her criticism of the district’s COVID-19 policies, these parents began filing public records requests to see if the district was monitoring their social media.

When one parent asked for records on whether their name was included in social media monitoring, the district said that to comply, staff would have to search every email ever sent by an employee—a total of 12,115,251 emails. The district told the parent to be prepared to be liable for a whopping $18,641,345 fee, with $9,320,673.73 due in advance. That’s a lot of bake sales.

The Digital Divide Award: U.S. Office of Personnel Management

Strolling through Government Attic—an independent records clearinghouse—offers a wide range of interesting, useful and refreshingly creative ideas for po-

tential records to request, such as government agency intranet homepages.

Producing a copy of an intranet homepage should be a pretty easy task for an agency: Open up your browser in the morning; click “Save As;” and, boom—kick back after a job well done. You don’t even need to talk to your colleagues!

But after five years of inexplicable transparency purgatory, a lead government information specialist at the U.S. Office of Personnel Management responded curtly to one such request with the following:

“The FOIA does not require agencies to create a record. The records you seek would require the creation of records. Therefore, OPM is unable to provide you any records.” Even odder, the agency’s FOIA log

do, and they should take these requests as a gift rather than a challenge.

The Bulk Data for Me but Not for Thee Award: Los Angeles Police Department

Police departments have an uncanny knack for being able to fund cutting-edge (if horribly broken) technology to watch the public while only mustering ’90s-era (also horribly broken) technology to help the public watch them back. This appears to be the case in Los Angeles, where the forthrightly named Stop LAPD Spying Coalition found that it was being monitored by the LAPD.

Like any good public watchdog, it filed a records request—in this case for emails that mentioned “Stop LAPD Spying” or “stoplapdspying.” We will make a concession that this is a potentially broad search. It’s not always easy for agencies to search across all departmental emails; sometimes emails are stored in different systems, and so on.

LAPD didn’t seem to have an issue with conducting the search, but rather, they just had found too much material when they did: “The query resulted in a file(s) that exceeds the maximum gigabyte that our system would allow to export; therefore, we are unable to search for and identify emails responsive to your request.”

LAPD then asked the requester to narrow their request. For better or worse, the reality of public records is that it’s often a negotiation, but if an agency is going to compile more than a gigabyte of emails on an organization dedicated to curbing surveillance, the least the agency can do is have the capability to sift through and export that material.

The agency’s response—put bluntly, we talk about you too much to tell you how much we’ve talked about you—would be flattering if it wasn’t both creepy and aggravating.

I Wanted to Clarify That My A** Is Covered Award: White House

for last year notes the request, but writes that it was closed with “no records,” rather than being rejected. Keep that in mind when calibrating the reliability of FOIA annual reports and other, official transparency and record request statistics.

Happily, we can report that other agencies are more digitally adept when responding to these types of requests, even if they do have a maddening tendency to print out the pages and mail them rather than just sending the actual digital files. We can only hope that the Office of Personnel Management manages to get some better-equipped personnel when it comes to understanding that simply copying bits is one of the least-creative acts a computer—or FOIA officer—can

Backroom dealers sometimes struggle to keep their deals in the backroom, especially when they inadvertently reveal them in emails that are presumptively public records. That’s when they follow up by saying, “I wanted to clarify that the email I sent was pre-decisional and privileged information,” hoping these magic words will exempt the email from disclosure should anyone file a records request.

On June 23, 2022, a White House staffer revealed to the Kentucky governor’s office that President Biden planned to nominate Chad Meredith as a federal judge the next day. Days later, the White House official then tried to use the follow-up “clarification” email as cover. But the Louisville Courier-Journal got the story, and the Kentucky governor’s office released the emails confirming the nomination plans, despite the weak follow-up email trying to claw them back into secrecy.

The president ultimately scrapped Meredith’s nomination entirely after pro-choice advocates criticized Biden’s apparent backroom trading on judicial nominations with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

The City of The Dalles in Oregon initially put Google’s interest over the public’s in a records battle.

Meredith had defended Kentucky’s anti-abortion laws under the previous Republican governor.

The whole ordeal, which was overshadowed by the Supreme Court overruling Roe v. Wade on the very day that Meredith would have been nominated, shows some of the ridiculous ways officials will try to keep public records secret.

The Transparently Proud of Destroying Public Records Award: Michael Gableman

The effort to investigate unsubstantiated 2020 election fraud claims in Wisconsin sped past comedy, plowed through farce and fell into ludicrous land. The driver of this ridiculous journey: Michael Gableman, a for mer Wisconsin Supreme Court justice who was hired by Wisconsin State Assembly Speaker Robin Vos to inves tigate alleged election fraud.

Gableman’s inquiry has cost taxpayers nearly $2 million, with no evidence of any election wrongdoing disclosed when Vos shut it down and fired Gable man last August.

The probe itself, however, has generated plenty of violations of state public records laws. Gableman’s inquiry is the subject of at least four public-records law suits. And in the process of respond ing to public records requests about his election inquiry, Gable man has admitted to routinely deleting records and deactivat ing an email account he used while working on the probe.

After receiving a records request from American Oversight, someone deleted Gableman’s personal email account, the former justice testified during a hearing in one of the suits. And when questioned about whether he knew who deleted records re sponsive to a public records request, Gableman was refresh ingly honest.

“Did I delete documents? Yes, I did,” he said.

In Gableman’s defense, he be lieved that deleting the records was proper—because in his view, the de stroyed records were not part of his elec tion investigation. The problem is that no one can trust Gableman’s judgment, because there is no paper trail to confirm that the records were, in fact, irrelevant to his work. Gableman’s lack of an auditable paper trail to check his work stands in stark contrast to the auditable results of the 2020 Wis consin election.

For his records destruction and general frustration of the public’s right of access, courts have awarded plaintiffs $163,000 in attorney’s fees and costs in one case, and $98,000 in another.

The Ancient Art of Dodging Accountability Award: Cyber Ninjas

Wisconsin isn’t the only state where we’re recognizing an election “audit” contractor’s misbehavior.

After the audit of the 2020 presidential election in Maricopa County, Arizona—which ultimately reaffirmed Biden’s victory—State Senate President Karen Fann tried to save face by claiming that the reason the project spiraled out of control was because the elec-

tion system was hard to audit, and not because auditing firm Cyber Ninjas might’ve been inexperienced and tilting at windmills. That’s kind of like saying it’s the homework’s fault that the dog ate it. “As our efforts have clearly shown, elections processes here in Arizona are not designed to be easily audited, unlike every other government process accountable to citizens,” Fann wrote in a statement. “... (W)e look forward to implementing improvements to add ease, authentication, transparency and accountability to our elections processes in the coming legislative session.”

The Cyber Ninjas’ own work, however, was anything but authenticatable, transparent and accountable, as

According to The Arizona Republic, Cyber Ninjas’ fines surpassed $10 million and the firm closed shop—yet they still haven’t learned their lesson. The firm continues to withhold and improperly redact text messages and other correspondence. For example, Cyber Ninjas has withheld communications between CEO Doug Logan and prominent election denier Phil Waldron, claiming the messages are covered by legal privilege. This is clearly the FOIA equivalent of a torinoko—the legendary ninja smoke grenade—since Waldron is not a lawyer at all, and definitely not Logan’s lawyer.

Transparency Tax Award: Mendocino County

The Foilies regularly recount outrageous public records fees that seem clearly aimed at discouraging specific records requests. But those are usually one-off efforts aimed at specific requests. This award to officials in Mendocino County, Calif., is based on their creation of a fee system that appears designed to discourage everyone from requesting public records.

The ordinance lets officials charge you $20 per hour to look for records if you fail to “describe a specifically identifiable record.” So, if you asked for the sheriff’s “Policy 410.30,” you wouldn’t get charged, but if you asked for “all directives, policies and orders related to bodyworn cameras,” you might have to pony up hard cash.

Even worse, the ordinance says if you ask for emails or other types of records that “may” include information that needs to be redacted or withheld, the county would charge you $50 or $150 per hour, depending on whether an attorney needs to be involved.

In other words, the ordinance punishes the public for not knowing exactly how the county organizes and stores its records, or what records might contain sensitive information. If you have an encyclopedic knowledge of the county’s systems and how to request records, you may not be charged any search fees. But if you are a normal person who just wants to find out what’s happening in the county, you are probably going to be charged a huge search fee.

Mendocino County’s ordinance is on shaky legal ground. The California Public Records Act does not give state and local government agencies the authority to assess their own search fees, review fees or even fees to redact records. The law only allows agencies to charge the public what it costs to make

Republic had to take Cyber Ninjas to court in mid-2021 to demand access to audit records. The firm routinely refused to hand over documents, including communications, despite a court order, leading a judge in 2022 to sanction Cyber Ninjas’ founders $50,000 per day. “I think the variety of creative positions Cyber Ninjas has taken to avoid compliance with this order speaks for itself,” Superior Court Judge John Hannah said.

Cyber Ninjas began handing over records last year, revealing connections between the firm and various election conspiracy theorists and lawyers tied to former President Donald Trump’s campaign and his efforts to overturn the election.

But aside from being potentially unlawful, Mendocino County’s fee ordinance is an affront to its residents. It treats all records requests as hostile, resource-wasting inquiries rather than a central mission of any public agency committed to transparency. CW

The Foilies (CC BY) were compiled by the Electronic Frontier Foundation (Director of Investigations Dave Maass, senior staff attorney Aaron Mackey, Frank Stanton Fellow Mukund Rathi, investigative researcher Beryl Lipton) and MuckRock (Co-founder Michael Morisy, data reporter Dillon Bergin and investigations editor Derek Kravitz), with review and editing by Shawn Musgrave. Illustrations by EFF designer Caitlyn Crites.

The “Glomar response” takes its name from the USNS Hughes Glomar Explorer, a spy vessel, the existence of which the CIA would neither “confirm nor deny.”

A&E DANCE

The Shape of Things to Come

Matriarch reimagines who we might see on stage—and in the audience—for a dance performance.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

Like institutions of all kinds, arts organizations are asking themselves questions about inclusion—what kind of voices, or bodies, have historically been prioritized, and how to shift those paradigms. For dancer/choreographer Jaclyn Brown, that idea extends from those we see on a stage to those we might see in the audience.

As part of Repertory Dance Theatre’s Link Series, Brown is presenting Matriarch, an evening-length work addressing themes of maternity. In part, it’s an opportunity to reimagine the notion of what a dancer looks like, beyond historical expectations for a very specific body type, born out of Brown’s own experience as a dancer and mother.

“It’s kind of something I’ve been playing with in my choreography for a while,” Brown says. “I had my daughter four years into my career with RDT. … Just recently, having entered graduate school and trying to find my choreographic voice, that’s just the material that interests me. It’s the forefront of my life. And maybe I’ve experienced some issues in the field of dance.”

Brown is clear that such issues are not

unique or particular to the organizations she has been a part of. Indeed, it’s the field of professional dance as a whole that she believes is overdue for exploring the types of bodies we see—and don’t see—in performances.

“There’s a lot of non-conforming bodies when it comes to dance, not just mothers,” Brown says. “Abled and not abled, bodies of color, fat vs. thin. This is just one population affected by that body aesthetic. And I get why it’s there. [But modern dance pioneer] Isadora Duncan was breaking the mold by wearing a toga and nothing on her feet.

“In my piece, we’re embracing that post-partum body as something that’s normal, and should be expected. I actually think the post-partum experience is great ground for an artist to explore what’s happening to the body; it’s actually coming back together. I’d like to see [motherhood] as an opportunity rather than career suicide. The body is always changing. I think it’s natural to expect that.”

It’s also natural to expect that those who have had children continue to … well, have children. Theater spaces haven’t always been particularly welcoming to children, either for performers who have them, or for audience members who might need to decide whether to attend a show or be with their children, but not both. That’s why it was particularly important to Brown that Matriarch is part of the Link Series, which invites attendance by audience members of all ages, and where ushers are given specific instructions not to try to “shush” children.

“It’s very difficult for parents to get child care, because it can be very expensive,” she says. “[For dancers] that’s part of the hidden work of a mother who also dances; they have to be near them all the

time. … It’s also not ideal to have to change your identity to come to the theater; you’re saying, ‘I want you to be somebody who’s not attached.’ It’s like a removal of identity.”

Brown also embraces the idea that there doesn’t have to be some black-and-white delineation between material that’s “for kids” and material that’s “for adults.” While she acknowledges having to make a few tweaks to her content to be sure it’s appropriate for all ages, like removing profanities from music, in general she’s most concerned with providing an experience that’s not dumbed down just because children happen to be in the audience.

“For the most part, that’s what I want: for it to be over their heads,” Brown says. “I want kids to be saying, ‘What’s going on here,’ to hear that. That’s how you know they’re learning.”

Additionally, Brown thinks its important to expose children to the ideas that their parents may have struggles with issues, including something like post-partum depression. “I don’t want my kids to just see me being well all the time,” she says. “It’s not just ‘good-feeling’ dance.

They need to understand it’s okay not to be okay sometimes, and this is how we reach out for support.”

As much as it’s an act of support for a different way of thinking about the relationship between motherhood and dance overall, Matriarch is also, for Brown, an act of support for these specific dancers— Marisa Augustine-Crowder, LayCee Barnett, Jess MacDonald, Lacie Scott, and Alicia Trump—who are part of the production. “I feel like these particular women are women who are maybe fading into the background of the performing world because they’ve chosen the path of parenthood,” Brown says. “It was important to do this in a big theater, doing big art. They’re so used to putting their needs second. I just want them to be seen.” CW

RDT LINK SERIES: MATRIARCH

Rose Wagner Center Black Box

138 W. 300 South March 17 – 18 7:30 p.m. $15 - $20 arttix.org

Dancers in the RDT Link Series production of Matriarch

Mike Birbiglia

There are may different ways for a career in stand-up comedy to proceed. For Mike Birbiglia, that journey involved the realization that maybe he wasn’t exactly a stand-up comedian, but a storyteller.

His career path in the early 2000s included appearing on The Late Show with David Letterman and a pair of stand-up album releases, Dog Years and Two Drink Mike. But along the way, Birbiglia also started sharing stories for The Moth, morning radio’s The Bob and Tom Show and NPR’s This American Life, honing a self-deprecating style for tales have generally involve his own life and relationships. His first oneman show, Sleepwalk With Me, was eventually adapted it into a feature film which Birbiglia directed and debuted at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival. Subsequently, he has shared more of his personal journey in the form of award-winning one-man shows, including getting married (My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend) and having his first child (The New One), all while adding to his acting credits on film and television, and turning his early experience in improv comedy into the feature film Don’t Think Twice.

Now, hard on the heels of a successful New York run of his new one-man show The Old Man and the Pool (which necessitated the rescheduling of his originally planned local stop last fall), Birbiglia visits Salt Lake City to bring his charming mix of jokes and stories to Kingsbury Hall (1395 E. Presidents Circle) on Friday, March 17 at 7 p.m., with tickets $48.75 - $58.75. Visit artstickets.utah.edu to purchase tickets and for additional event information. (Scott Renshaw)

The Sandlot 30th anniversary

Utah has been a location for many films over the years, from the classic John Ford Westerns of Monument Valley to the indie spirit of SLC Punk! But among the most beloved shotin-Utah features is The Sandlot, co-writer/director David Mickey Evans’ nostalgic 1992 comedydrama about a group of friends coming of age, bonding and having wild adventures surrounding their shared pick-up baseball games in a neighborhood vacant lot. An empty lot in Glendale served as the film’s key location, while spots around Salt Lake City and Ogden were also showcased—and in honor of the film’s 30th anniversary, some of the folks who made the movie are returning to town.

This week, enjoy a special screening of The Sandlot followed by a Q&A and discussion about the film featuring several of the now-all-grown-up cast members. Tom Guiry (the film’s protagonist, Scotty Smalls), Chauncey Leopardi (the girl-crazy Squints), Marty York (Yeah Yeah) and Shane Obedzinski (Repeat) are currently scheduled to be on hand as they reflect on their memories of making the movie, share behind-the-scenes anecdotes, take audience questions and examine why The Sandlot continues to have such an enduring fanbase. It’s a wonderful opportunity to celebrate a unique piece of Utah film history with those who helped make it.

The Sandlot 30th anniversary celebration takes place at Kingsbury Hall (1395 E. Presidents Circle) on Saturday, March 18 at 7 p.m. Tickets are $27.75 - $57.57, and are available at artstickets.utah.edu; visit the website for additional event information. (SR)

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

Mac Barnett & Christian Robinson: Twenty Questions

Children’s books can be simple—or they can be deceptively simple. Take, for example, the new collaboration between New York Times bestselling author Mac Barnett and Caldecott Honor recipient Christian Robinson, Twenty Questions. It’s a delightful picture book that you could breeze through in a few minutes. It’s also a book that could inspire hours of lively discussion.

That’s because the twenty questions that make up Twenty Questions aren’t ones that come with definitive answers. Instead, they’re intended to invite a child to think about what they’re seeing—or what they think they’re seeing—and why, or to spark imaginations into their own storytelling. When a picture shows a door placed incongruously on the side of a mountain, accompanied by the question “What’s on the other side of this door,” there’s no limit to the ways a child can proceed from that prompt. And when side-by-side images of two people of different races includes the question “Which of these fellows has a better singing voice,” it’s an opportunity to probe into why people make the assumptions they do.

Mac Barnett and Christian Robinson visit Salt Lake City for an event sponsored by The King’s English Bookshop that will be held at The Neighborhood Hive (2065 East 2100 South) on Tuesday, March 21 at 3 p.m. The event is free and open to the public, but places in the signing line are reserved for those who purchase a copy of Twenty Questions. You can also pre-order a signed copy with request for personalized message; visit kingsenglish.com to order books and for additional event information. (SR)

CANDLEWICK PUBLISHING

This Isn’t The Zodiac

Boston Strangler can’t find a compelling focus in its real-life serialkiller story.

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

When you’ve seen more than 10,000 movies, the urge to make connections is strong, even when you can feel that the connections aren’t always neat and tidy. That feeling tickled the back of my brain for nearly the entirety of Boston Strangler, as I watched a fact-based 1960s period piece about an infamous string of serial murders, a journalist who gets caught up in the story and a lingering uncertainty about the identity of the killer—and kept wondering why this movie couldn’t be more like Zodiac.

Now, David Fincher’s 2007 thriller about the search for the San Francisco Bay area’s “Zodiac killer” had a specific thematic goal in mind, diving into the professional and amateur investigators who became obsessed with the idea that this puzzle must be solvable. That’s not the framework for Boston Strangler at all, as writer/director Matt Ruskin (Crown Heights) uses this reallife story to take on several different ideas at the same time. And unfortunately, the inability to settle on any one of those ideas is part of what makes it so frustrating.

The focal point here is Loretta McLaughlin (Keira Knightley), a journalist for the Boston Record American circa 1962 who—by virtue of being a woman journalist in that particular time and place—is consigned to the “lifestyle” section despite wanting to dig into hard news stories. When elderly Boston-area women begin turning up dead,

Loretta is the first to see a possible connection, and get confirmation that there are common elements at the crime scenes, like stockings tied in a bow around the victims’ necks. As she begins covering the mysterious killer she dubs the “Boston Strangler” with fellow reporter Jean Cole (Carrie Coon), Loretta begins provoking the ire of the local police, who start taking stories about their ineffectual investigations personally.

Not surprisingly, much of Boston Strangler deals with institutional sexism, in ways that are aggravating as often as they are instructive. It’s a potentially welcome twist when we initially see that Loretta’s husband (Morgan Spector) seems unfailingly supportive of her professional life, taking on a share of responsibility for caring for their children—until his own career offers the chance for advancement, and he becomes a predictable grousing-spouse character in a story of this kind. It’s more effective when Ruskin’s script focuses on how the police attempt to diminish and discredit Loretta’s reporting simply because she’s a woman, though that seems to clash with how easily she continues to be able to access crime scenes.

Still, it would have been something if Ruskin had at least been tightly focused on the idea of a woman’s voice being silenced in pursuit of a killer silencing women’s voices. Instead, Boston Strangler keeps getting sidetracked by other concerns.

Once the story breaks, and additional murders deviate from the pattern of the kind of victim targeted, there’s the notion that media coverage might have spawned copycat killers—a potential for guilt or uneasiness in Loretta and Jean that we never see. There’s also material about the potential for killers to capitalize financially on their crimes with books or other media opportunities, but that idea ultimately feels more like an asterisk than a real area for exploration.

None of that exactly sets Boston Strangler on a collision course for comparison with Zodiac, leaving aside that Knightley’s jaw-forward determination isn’t nearly as interesting or nuanced as the mania of Zodiac’s Jake Gyllenhaal. But then we get a very familiar moment: Our protagonist paying a direct visit to one of the possible suspects, and beginning to sense from the environment a possibility of person-

al threat. Yes, it’s different here that the protagonist in question is a woman rather than a man, as the corresponding scene was in Zodiac, and as such feeds into the particular dangers faced by a woman. It’s also a far less unsettling scene, and one that seems built more for a quick jolt of suspense rather than exploring the unease of dabbling in realms of pure evil. There is, of course, also the matter that both cases ultimately remain unsolved. In Boston Strangler, it’s hard to square the emphasis on the reporters’ personal achievement with the notion that they might not have made anyone any safer. Zodiac understood that some questions don’t ever get answers—and that showing pictures at the end of our intrepid real-life heroes might be missing the point. CW

BOSTON STRANGLER BB

Keira Knightley Carrie Coon Alessandro Nivola Rated R Available March 17 via Hulu

Locovoracious

Stylish communal dining awaits at The Local Market and Bar.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

Ilong for the day when Utah has a vibrant, walkable, 24-hour dining district with a strong emphasis on street food and cheap alcohol—and I think food halls may be the key to making that dream a reality. As with most any cool hospitality concept, you’ve got to show the state’s legislative nannies that it will make money in order to push the needle in any meaningful way.

I’ve seen how each of our local food halls has helped our social dining scene take new shapes, and my experience with The Local (310 E. 400 South, 801-413-1360, thelocalsaltlakecity.com) represents another step in the right direction. We’re still far off from the street food dining culture that I think Utah deserves, but I could see our food halls leading the charge to a world where I can hang out and eat all night with a bunch of lightly inebriated strangers.

The Local opened its doors back in February, occupying a sumptuous space on the ground level of The Exchange Apartment Complex. Its wall-to-wall windows and comfortably hip furnishings, coupled with its location next to Library Square, make The Local an ideal place for a quick lunchtime get-together or a dinner destination in and of itself.

The X-factor that The Local brings to the table is Good Bar, which is open from lunch to dinner and serves a mix of both alcoholic and nonalcoholic beverages. Integrating the bar space with the food hall

proper gives The Local a hangout potential that other food halls lack.

I’ve had the chance to try a bit of everything from each of The Local’s vendors, and there is plenty to be happy about. The periodic table of casual fare is wellrepresented; pizza, burritos, burgers, barbecue, sandwiches and ice cream are all available. Though you can’t go wrong wherever you end up, the three spots that really won me over were Lamb & Feta, Hog & Tradition and Green Chile House.

Lamb & Feta specializes in Greek food with a capital G—and their gyro ($12) in particular is a firecracker. It’s everything you love about a traditional gyro, but everything from the seasoning of the lamb to the tzatziki sauce has been dressed to the nines. It’s an almost unexpected pop of dill, lemon and lamb hot off the skewer, and it’s delightful. Lamb & Feta is also one of the few local joints where you can get galaktoboureko, a classic Greek dessert that layers creamy custard between sweet and crispy sheets of phyllo dough. If you’re looking for something to slap you around with flavors and textures, Lamb & Feta will take care of you.

Right across the aisle from Lamb & Feta is Hog & Tradition, a barbecue spot that takes its cues from the Carolina playbook—their golden, mustard-based sauce is delightful on anything and everything. Their foundational meats of pulled pork, brisket and chicken are all smoked to rich perfection, and each of them can be served on one of Hog’s different sandwiches, as well as in a traditional barbecue combo with a few sides.

I am always a fan of multi-meat combo plates whenever I get a hankering for barbecue, but the sandwiches at Hog & Tradition are nothing short of legendary. There’s a spectrum from simple ($12.99) to stacked ($15.49), but each of them transcends what a barbecue sandwich typically offers. On top of their classic

barbecue game, their sides include experimental awesomeness like cornbread made with ube, a purple yam popular in Filipino cuisine. When your cornbread arrives, that deep purple hue is normal and delicious.

From there, we move on to Green Chile House, a Mexican food spot whose claim to fame is their green chile pork, which can be served as a protein on tacos, burritos and nachos. Fans of good chile verde will have a bit of context as to why Green Chile House’s pork is so decadent: There’s an acidity from the chilis and tomatillos, along with whatever closely-guarded secrets have made their way into this magical brew. I think the nachos are the best way to experience Green Chile House, as their homemade tortilla chips are excellent green chili pork delivery systems. Wood-fired pizza fans will want to check out Luna Pizza for some Neapolitan pies, those craving a nice burger will dig Pop’s Burgers, and Crave’s sandwiches are great for a breakfast and lunch. For dessert—or a nostalgic breakfast—you can check out Cereal Killerz Kitchen for some breakfast cereal-inspired milkshakes. The Local also doubles as an event space, so those interested in renting it out for a party of their own can check out the details on The Local’s website.

I think my early impressions of food halls were skeptical, but food halls look to be here to stay. After spending a bit of time with them, I can see them leading the charge to more socially oriented dining experiences.

A street food-inspired nightlife in downtown SLC is just around the corner thanks to places like The Local. CW

ALEX SPRINGER

2 Row Brewing 6856 S. 300 West, Midvale 2RowBrewing.com

Avenues Proper 376 8th Ave, SLC avenuesproper.com

On Tap: Blizzard Wizard - Hazy Pale Ale

Bewilder Brewing

445 S. 400 West, SLC

BewilderBrewing.com

On Tap: Gluten Reduced Kolsch

Bohemian Brewery

94 E. Fort Union Blvd, Midvale BohemianBrewery.com

Bonneville Brewery 1641 N. Main, Tooele BonnevilleBrewery.com

On Tap: Peaches and Cream Ale

Craft by Proper 1053 E. 2100 So., SLC craftbyproper.com

On Tap: That’s a KnifeAustralian Cold IPA

Desert Edge Brewery

273 Trolley Square, SLC

DesertEdgeBrewery.com

On Tap: Out of Office Pale Ale

Epic Brewing Co. 825 S. State, SLC EpicBrewing.com

On Tap: Imperial Red Ale

Fisher Brewing Co. 320 W. 800 South, SLC FisherBeer.com

On Tap: A rotation of up to 17 Fresh Beers!

Grid City Beer Works 333 W. 2100 South, SLC GridCityBeerWorks.com

On Tap: Extra Pale Ale

Hopkins Brewing Co. 1048 E. 2100 South, SLC HopkinsBrewingCompany.com

On Tap: Irish Stout

Kiitos Brewing 608 W. 700 South, SLC KiitosBrewing.com

Level Crossing Brewing Co. 2496 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: Vienna-Style Lager Trivia: Mondays at 6pm

Moab Brewing 686 S. Main, Moab TheMoabBrewery.com

On Tap: Bourbon & Blonde (Bulleit Bourbon Barrel-aged Blonde Stout)

Mountain West Cider 425 N. 400 West, SLC MountainWestCider.com

On Tap: Wet Hopped Cider

Offset Bier Co 1755 Bonanza Dr Unit C, Park City offsetbier.com/ On Tap: DOPO IPA

Ogden Beer Company 358 Park Blvd, Ogden OgdenRiverBrewing.com

On Tap: Injector Hazy IPA

Policy Kings Brewery 223 N. 100 West, Cedar City PolicyKingsBrewery.com

Prodigy Brewing 25 W Center St. Logan Prodigy-brewing.com

On Tap: It’s Complicated Sour

Proper Brewing 857 S. Main, SLC

ProperBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Cloud ChaserKölsch with Strawberry and Watermelon

Proper Brewing Moab 1393 US-191 Moab, Utah 84532

On Tap: Angus McCloudScottish Ale

Red Rock Brewing 254 So. 200 West RedRockBrewing.com

On Tap: Gypsy Scratch

Red Rock Fashion Place 6227 So. State Redrockbrewing.com

On Tap: Munich Dunkel

A list of what local craft breweries and cider houses have on tap this week

Red Rock Kimball Junction Redrockbrewing.com

1640 Redstone Center

On Tap: Bamberg Rauch Bier

RoHa Brewing Project 30 Kensington Ave, SLC RoHaBrewing.com

On Tap: Mango IPA

Roosters Brewing

Multiple Locations

RoostersBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Identity Crisis Session West Coast Hazy Cold IPA –the name says it all!

SaltFire Brewing

2199 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake SaltFireBrewing.com

On Tap: Punk as Fuck 3xIPA

Salt Flats Brewing 2020 Industrial Circle, SLC SaltFlatsBeer.com

On Tap: Save the Lake Pilsner - 5% of sales donated to local non-profits to support preserving our Great Salt Lake

Scion Cider Bar 916 Jefferson St W, SLC Scionciderbar.com

On Tap: 3 Taps: Scion House Release!

Shades Brewing

154 W. Utopia Ave, South Salt Lake

ShadesBrewing.beer

On Tap: Tap & Tarot

Live Music: Thursdays

Shades On State 366 S. State Street SLC Shadesonstate.com

On Tap: Mexican Lager

Karaoke: Wednesdays

Silver Reef

4391 S. Enterprise Drive, St. George StGeorgeBev.com

Squatters 147 W. Broadway, SLC Squatters.com

Strap Tank Brewery

Multiple Locations

StrapTankBrewery.com

Springville On Tap: PB Rider, Peanut Butter Stout

Lehi On Tap: 2-Stroke, Vanilla Mocha Porter

Stratford Proper 1588 Stratford Ave., SLC stratfordproper.com

On Tap: Yacht Rock Juice Box - Juicy IPA

TF Brewing 936 S. 300 West, SLC TFBrewing.com

On Tap: Edel Pils

Talisman Brewing Co. 1258 Gibson Ave, Ogden TalismanBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Tropical StormMango Passionfruit Sour

Uinta Brewing 1722 S. Fremont Drive, SLC UintaBrewing.com

On Tap: Was Angeles Craft Beer

UTOG 2331 Grant Ave, Ogden UTOGBrewing.com

On Tap: Lovely Lady Nitro Stout

Vernal Brewing 55 S. 500 East, Vernal VernalBrewing.com

Wasatch 2110 S. Highland Drive, SLC WasatchBeers.com

Zion Brewery 95 Zion Park Blvd, Springdale ZionBrewery.com

Zolupez 205 W. 29th Street #2, Ogden Zolupez.com

OPENING SOON! Helper Beer 159 N Main Street Helper, UT 84526

Chappell Brewing 2285 S Main Street Salt Lake City, UT 84115

Beerhive State

Two new beers lean into local connections.

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

Salt Flats - Save The Lake Pilsner:

In an effort to help raise awareness for issues surrounding the diminishing Great Salt Lake, Salt Flats Beer and Spirits has developed its new Save The Lake Pilsner. Salt Flats will be contributing a portion of sales to those organizations that are at the forefront of the fight to save the lake.

It pours with a finger-and-a-half of head that stayed around decently, but did not lace much. The body is a clear, brassy gold with very even, steady carbonation. An interesting hop bill of Zeus and Motueka hops starts us off with a mix of undertones that take on slight tangerine and herbal notes. Some meandering strawy malt pops up as well.

The beer starts with a solid dose of toasty, barley malt—very cracker-like, but without corn sweetness—before turning to a crisp dusting of light dry hops. The entire beer is permeated by a peculiar citrus and soft fruit sensation that’s too nebulous to really identify, so it’s likely some combo of the yeast and hops at work. Simple but well done. This is really where the beer shines’ I’m a fan of a dryness in beer, and this works quite well. The aftertaste is that very light, simple barley, with a hop kick that crisply cleanses the palette. The carbonation is on the edge of prickly, but even then it helps out the entire beer. The dryness I could see getting out of hand after a couple, but all in all, the beer is refreshing, mild and light-bodied, and sits down admirably.

Verdict: A solid Pilsner, and the kind of beer that strikes me as the perfect “end of the work day” beer. Make no

mistake though, there’s nothing here that won’t satisfy as an après beer or an evening pounder; it’s just a well-made, simple Pilsner for quenching your thirst and easing your mind.

Ogden Beer - 1851 American Lager: Named for the year Ogden, Utah was founded, this adjunct American lager pours very pale yellow, almost clear. I was able to try one of the first pulls from the barrel, so the photo shows the beer with a bit of haze; later tap pours were much clearer. Once in the glass, it’s a fair bit darker—still yellow, but on the darker end of yellow. Nice little bubbles rise up from the bottom, reaching a bit of white foam on top. The aroma is pretty faint, mostly sweet with hints of corn, alcohol and grass when at refrigerator temperature. This is what you’d expect from this style of lager.

The taste was bready, and a little fruity when very cold. It sort of reminded me of an adjunct version of Pilsner Urquell, actually—kind of like what I imagine a “Pilsner Urquell Light” might taste like, except that beer has a much richer biscuit-like malt flavor going on rather than just the faint generic-breadiness. It all goes down very easily, definitely a drinkable lager, smooth and fizzy enough to feel like it isn’t water (while at the same time not feeling harsh due to carbonation). As noted above, I ended up having two of them, and I liked it more when I had it the second time.

Verdict: A little on the light side flavor-wise, but certainly enjoyable, and actually pretty nice alongside Ogden Beer Co’s chili verde. As I dream of summer warmth and pool time at home, beers like this speak to my inner beer nerd.

Ogden Beer Company’s 1851 is their version of the reincarnated Becker’s Best; that beer will no longer be made (at least by Ogden Beer Co.). For now, it’s only on draft at the brewery. Save The Lake is available at all Salt Flats locations, and will be available soon at Harmon’s and various convenience stores. As always, cheers! CW

MIKE RIEDEL

MIKE RIEDEL

BY ALEX SPRINGER | @captainspringer

Lucky’s St. Patrick’s Day Crawl

With Saint Paddy’s Day already upon us, it’s time for another downtown bar crawl featuring plenty of our finest watering holes. The event starts off at Gracie’s (326 S. West Temple) and takes attendees through a two-day journey throughout SLC that includes drink specials at participating bars, food specials at some of the event’s partner vendors and a waived cover charge at all stops. The event starts at 4 p.m. on March 17 and lasts all day March 18. Don’t forget to snag your official bar crawl stadium cup or to take advantage of the professional photographers on hand to document the evening. Tickets are available via EventBrite—come on out and get lucky.

Chinese Dumpling Day

March 16 is dumpling day at the Utah Chinese American Cultural Academy (433 S. 400 East), and it looks like we’re all invited. In partnership with the Utah Business Summit, the National Dumpling Event on March 16 is all about making—and eating—some traditional Chinese dumplings. Though the process of making these dumplings might look simple, you have to remember that this is a technique that has been perfected over hundreds of years. With a bit of help from the instructors, however, it’s something that attendees will be able to replicate at home whenever they want. There are time slots from 12 p.m. to 1 p.m. and from 5 p.m. to 6 p.m. and tickets are available through EventBrite.

Wildfin American Grill Opens

A new seafood restaurant called Wildfin American Grill (13333 S. Tree Sparrow Drive, 801-542-9885, wildfinamericangrill.com) recently opened its doors in Riverton, and it looks intriguing. It’s the first Utah location of this Washington-based restaurant, and it boasts quite the menu of seafood favorites; fish tacos, shrimp & grits, seafood chowder and seared ahi salads are all hanging out at Wildfin. Being that the restaurant is based in the Pacific Northwest and considering their sustainable fishing practices, I’m betting Wildfin will have access to some pretty high-quality ingredients. We are entering a new era of surf and turf, and I am definitely here for it.

Quote of the Week: “A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.” –W.C. Fields

Chasing Dopamine

The Generalist opens up about the emotional origins of a debut album.

BY EMILEE ATKINSON eatkinson@cityweekly.net @emileelovesvinyl

Dopamine is an essential chemical in the squishy mass of flesh we call the brain. As humans, we’re always trying to find ways to increase production of this crucial component, but it’s not always easy. For local singer/songwriter Danny Washing, this theme fueled his latest album in his most recent project, The Generalist, where he opened up about some tough subjects but ultimately created one of his most valued bodies of work.

“The album title actually came much sooner to the release than a lot of the songs,” Washing shared. “I was thinking about our culture as a society, and how much dopamine drives so many of our decisions, and we’re always looking for that next fix, that dopamine hit.”

Chasing Dopamine beautifully blends themes of what Washing described above, but also the highs and lows of his own journey over the last decade. Moving from state to state, losing beloved friends and finding the beauty in nature all contribute to The Generalists’ debut album.

“The New Gilded Age (Brad’s Song)” is an especially punchy song that will have you reeling; it’s a deep dive into the tragedy of losing a loved one, but at the same time offers a feeling of hopefulness, especially in the song’s instrumentation. “It’s about a drummer that I had back in Kentucky that was going to move out west, and we were going to start a band together,”

Washing said. “This was going to be our album together. It was the album that we were working on. These were our songs.”

The “Brad” of the song’s subtitle ultimately died of suicide, making it difficult for Washing to want to continue with the album. “It was really hard to get back into the studio after that, just a lot of memories coming back,” he said. “But it was very cathartic when I finally did get it out, and I had this feeling that he was looking down and just happy that it was out. That song got some really positive reception that first night that I had premiered it, and I felt like we were able to close that chapter. I think he’d be proud of the album. I think he would’ve enjoyed what we’ve been able to do, but I wish that he could be a part of it.”

Chasing Dopamine was written and recorded entirely by Washing as he was looking for dopamine hits of his own. “Each song is therapy for me. Me writing out the lyrics, getting the songs and putting it all together,” he said. “When it’s fully recorded, it feels like a monument to a hardship in my life that I was able to go through and make something positive and constructive out of a negative situation. I felt like I was looking for that next hit, and along the journey, I found a lot of things that gave me beautiful dopamine hits that really got me ecstatic. But it is a dragon that we are constantly chasing, and you have to be careful with that. It’s kind of a cautionary tale to not be looking for that next hit, but at the same time living your life in a way that is worth living.”

While Chasing Dopamine was solely created by Washing, he was able to recruit new members into the band for live shows, which are going to be ramping up as the year goes on. Washing does acoustic versions of his songs at live shows all the time, but it’s not exactly how they’re supposed to sound, so he’s always felt like something was missing while playing live. Bringing on a bassist and drummer helps bring things to life and making Washing’s

vision more complete.

“We’re just figuring out how we are going to jam together live and create a unique experience for people who have never heard the album,” he said. “I’m very proud of what they’ve been able to add and how the songs are sounding.”

The year promises to be an exciting one for The Generalist as live shows ramp up, and new music gets in the works. “We’re just happy to get out there, share our stories, share our music, and just hopefully it’ll touch a lot of people, and people can

relate to them and get inspired by them, or just love jamming to them,” Washing said. “This is therapy for me. And if it means something to someone else, that’s awesome. That means the world to me if it can resonate with other people.”

If you want to catch The Generalist, there are a few opportunities coming up. Washing is doing an acoustic set at Shades Brewing on Thursday, March 16, then two full band shows on Thursday, April 6 at The DLC and Ice Haus on Saturday, May 27. CW

The

THURSDAYS

FRIDAYS DJ FRESH(NESS)

SATURDAYS POKER @ 2PM DJ DELMAGGIO

SHARK SUNDAYS POOL TOURNEY HOSTED BY JARED AND TANNER

MONDAYS REGGAE MONDAY WITH DJ NAPO

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS KARAOKE

Cozy Up o n our heate d patio

Live Music

By Emilee Atkinson

Sober Show @ Kilby Court 3/17

Ending the stigma behind mental-health issues sometimes seems like an uphill battle, especially when it comes to substance abuse. Non-profit SLC organization Mental Healthy FIT works hard to end that stigma with education, impact and, especially, entertainment. Sober Show is an event that aims to celebrate sobriety, and to support those struggling with addiction in pursuit of recovery. It’s an excellent way to get together with individuals who have gone through the same things, while enjoying a night on the town. Performing at the show are great local acts like The Deaf & The Musician. This duo beautifully blends music and American Sign Language, creating a one-of-a-kind experience that will stick with you. Joining them are new SLC trio Caljo, who are hard at work getting their debut music out on the scene. Rounding out the show is well-known longtime performer Peter Breinholt; this singer/songwriter has played to sold-out crowds at all of the major concert venues in the state, and was recently honored with the Governor’s Mansion Award for achievement in performing arts for his influence as a performer in the area. For more information and tools on help with mental health issues, jump over to mentalhealthyfit.org. Tickets for the all-ages Sober Show are $10 and can be found at kilbycourt.com. The show starts at 6:30 p.m. on Friday, March 17. (Emilee Atkinson)

SATURDAY, MAR. 18

J RAD COOLEY BAND

TUESDAY, MAR. 21 BOOT JUICE

WEDNESDAY, MAR. 22 TJ GURN

WEDNESDAY, MAR. 15 BEN & PIXIE

FRIDAY, MAR. 17 ST. PATRICK’S DAY WITH STONEFED

THURSDAY, MAR. 16 REGGAE THURSDAY

Peter Breinholt WIKI COMMONS

Weyes Blood @ The Depot 3/18

I implore you to try and still your sacred hearts from beating at the mere mention of Weyes Blood fluttering into SLC on unfettered wings as part of her In Holy Flux Tour. After releasing her latest album And In The Darkness, Hearts Aglow this past November, Weyes Blood has been embraced by legions of fans, arms outstretched and eyes sparkling. This new record is an uncanny sort of enchantment, conjuring a variety of sensations with an ease afforded only to rare mystics. Marie Antoinette, rosewater pools, silk, satin and all things that are undoubtedly sultry without ever exhibiting themselves as cheap are seemingly embroidered throughout each song. Still, the album remains un-frivolous and rough around the edges, also evoking the splash of red wine, the finger pricked on the spinning wheel and the constant-but-unavoidable mess of words not said. This album is far too sophisticated to be classified as simply a member of the troublingly long roster of singles now making up what has come to be known as a “sad girl starter pack” (whatever the hell that means). No, this album is at once an unflinching look at pain while simultaneously staking itself as an ushering in of all things that feel like spring. If none of what I have said makes any sense but nevertheless holds resonance, I have no doubt that you belong at the all-ages Weyes Blood show on Saturday, March 18 at The Depot. Doors open at 7 p.m. and tickets can be found at livenation.com. (Sophie Caligiuri)

By Emilee Atkinson

By Emilee Atkinson

Big Joanie @ Kilby Court 3/20

Back Home, as its name implies, contains themes of searching for a place to call home, which shines through on acclaimed UK-based Black feminist punk trio Big Joanie’s track “Sainted.” “It’s about the different ideas of home,” explained vocalist/guitarist Stephanie Phillips. “Whether that’s here in the UK, back in Africa or the Caribbean, or a place that doesn’t really exist; it’s neither here nor there.” For the last decade Big Joanie has been breathing new life into the post-punk alternative scene. Their “passionate live shows and punk rock ethos have led to them becoming one of the most talked-about bands on the UK live scene,” according to the trio’s website. In addition to themes of seeking home, this new album further exemplifies the trio’s politics and philosophy. “A lot of us are experiencing this kind of alienation,” drummer/ vocalist Chardine Taylor-Stone told Them in November. “We were thinking about us as Black, British children of Caribbean migrants. ‘Back Home’ is a phrase that often people of diaspora use to refer to their countries of heritage. It’s like, ‘Back home this, back home that,’ even though some of us might have never been back home, or it exists in the imagination. Where is this home that we feel connected to? Because sometimes we feel displaced in our actual homes that we grew up in. What is this idea of going back home? Is it moving from the city to another city that you’re from? Is it connecting to your culture of heritage, Caribbean or whatever that may be? Is it a wider concept of a diaspora of being back home?” Don’t miss Big Joanie on Monday, March 20 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the allages show are $15 and can be found at kilbycourt.com. (EA)

Ani DiFranco @ The Commonwealth Room 3/21

As the founder of Righteous Babe Records more than 30 years ago, artist, entrepreneur and activist Ani DiFranco has always made the music she’s felt compelled to create, without regard to outside expectations. Despite many challenges, she’s clearly succeeded. One of the seminal figures in feminist music—later embraced by artists such as the Indigo Girls and Brandi Carlile—she not only pioneered the DIY movement, but also broke musical boundaries, fusing punk, funk, hip hop, jazz, soul and electronica without sacrificing either focus or intent. And she’s never been content to rest on her laurels, courtesy of her commitment to causes like women’s rights, responsible gun-control legislation, reproductive rights, voter registration and providing musical education to at-risk youth. In that regard, DiFranco continues to put herself on the line to fight for those things she believes in so strongly. Combine her personal and professional passions, and she’s been the recipient of numerous honors and critical kudos, including a Grammy, the National Organization of Women’s Woman of Courage Award, the Gay/Lesbian American Music Award for Female Artist of the Year, the Woody Guthrie Award and the Outstanding Achievement for Global Activism Award. Suffice it to say, she also makes an indelible impact on her audiences. Ani DiFranco and special guest Pieta Brown perform at The Commonwealth Room at 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday, March 21. Tickets for this 21+ event are sold out at press time; go to tix.axs.com or phone 801-741-4200 to check on availability.

(Lee Zimmerman)

Orions Belte, Alex Siegal @ Urban Lounge 3/21

Sun-kissed Norwegian psych-funk trio Orions Belte hit us with a new single last month, “Silhouettes,” just in time for a North American tour. The new single is a taste of what’s to come, preceding a full album due later this fall. They’re bringing their blend of underground pop, psych and world music to many cities, and it’s worth going out simply to hear them play this new single. “Silhouettes” is a fantastic blend of genres that ultimately come together to form a groovy, enjoyable sound that takes on a life of its own. It switches up several times; one moment you’re hearing soothing synths, then the next you’ve got crunchy guitar solos and lap steel guitars sneaking in sliding notes. The group has been cranking out tunes quickly since 2018, but this new single is some of their best work yet; it will be exciting to see what the rest of the album sounds like. Supporting the funk trio is LA-based singer/songwriter/ producer Alex Siegal, who also dropped a juicy new single ahead of the North American tour. Ever so moody and smooth, “Better Left Unsaid’’ is a dreamy, slow burn that feels like a walk on a rainy day. Too many of us can relate to the sentiment of wishing some things had never been said, and Siegal has your back. Journey with him as he feels his feelings with you, and hums along with the creamy guitar on the track. Catch these two unique acts on Tuesday, March 21 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the 21+ show are $15 before that night, and bump to $18 at the door. Grab tickets at theurbanloungeslc.com. (EA)

AJAMU X COURTESY PHOTO

Orions Belte

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES

(March

21-April 19)

I recommend the following experiences: 1. ruminating about what you learned in a relationship that ended and how those lessons might be useful now; 2. ruminating about a beloved place you once regarded as home and how the lessons you learned there might be inspiring now; 3. ruminating about a riddle that has long mystified you—and how clarifying insights you receive in the coming weeks could help you finally understand it.

TAURUS (April

20-May 20)

For “those who escape hell,” wrote Charles Bukowksi, “nothing much bothers them after that.” Believe it or not, Taurus, I think that in the coming weeks, you can permanently escape your own personal version of hell—and never, ever have to return. I offer you my congratulations in advance. One strategy that will be useful in your escape is this idea from Bukowski: “Stop insisting on clearing your head—clear your f*cking heart instead.”

GEMINI

(May

21-June 20)

Gemini paleontologist Louis Agassiz (1807–1883) was a foundational contributor to scientific tradition. Among his specialties was hands-on research into fossilized fish. Though he was meticulously logical, he once called on his dreams to solve a problem he faced. Here’s the story: A potentially crucial specimen was concealed inside a stone. He wanted to chisel away the stone, but was hesitant to proceed for fear of damaging the treasure inside. On three successive nights, his dreams revealed How he should approach the work. Agassiz hammered away at the slab exactly as his dreams suggested and freed the fossilized fish. I bring this marvel to your attention, Gemini, because I suspect that you, too, need to carve or cut away an obstruction that is hiding something valuable. Can you get help from your dreams? Yes, or else in deep reverie or meditation.

CANCER

(June

21-July 22)

Will you flicker and sputter in the coming weeks, Cancerian? Or will you spout and surge? That is, will you be enfeebled by barren doubts, or will you embolden yourself with hearty oaths? Will you take nervous sips or audacious guzzles? Will you hide and equivocate, or else reveal and pounce? Dabble gingerly or pursue the joy of mastery? I’m here to tell you that which fork you take will depend on your intention and your willpower, not on the caprices of fate. So which will it be: Will you mope and fritter or untangle and illuminate?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

I applaud psychologists who tell us how important it is to feel safe. One of the most crucial human rights is confidence that we won’t be physically or emotionally abused. But there’s another meaning of safety that applies to those who yearn to express ourselves creatively. Singer-songwriter David Bowie articulated the truth: “If you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a bit out of your depth, and when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re in the right place to do something exciting.” I think this is a wise strategy, even for those who don’t identify as artists. Almost everyone benefits from being imaginative, inventive and even daring in their own sphere. This will be especially applicable in the coming weeks, Leo.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

You are in the sweet, deep phase of Receiving Season. You have a duty to show you are ready and available to be blessed with what you need and want. I urge you to do everything to become a welcoming beacon that attracts a wealth of invigorating and healing influences. For inspiration, read this quote by author John Steinbeck: “It is so easy to give, so exquisitely rewarding. Receiving, on the other hand, if it be well done,

requires a fine balance of self-knowledge and kindness. It requires humility and tact and great understanding of relationships … It requires a self-esteem to receive—a pleasant acquaintance and liking for oneself.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Libran poet E. E. Cummings wrote that daffodils “know the goal of living is to grow.” Is his sweet sentiment true? I would argue it’s only partially accurate. I believe that if we want to shape our destinies with courage and creativity, we need to periodically go through phases of decay and decline. They make periods of growth possible. So I would say, “The goal of life is to grow and wither and grow and wither and grow.” Is it more fun to grow than to wither? Maybe. But sometimes, withering is educational and necessary. Anyway, Libra, I suspect you are finishing a time of withering and will soon embark on a series of germinations and blossoms.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

All of us have elements of genius. Every person possesses at least one special talent or knack that is a gift to others. It could be subtle or unostentatious, like a skill for communicating with animals or for seeing what’s best in people. Or maybe it’s more spectacular, like composing beautiful music or raising children to be strong and compassionate. I mention this, Scorpio, because the coming weeks will be an excellent time to identify your unique genius in great detail—and then nurture it and celebrate it in every way you can imagine.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

The emblem associated with Sagittarius is an archer holding a bow with the arrow pointed upward. This figure represents your tribe’s ambition to always aim higher. Your symbolic quiver is now full of arrows. But what about your bow? Is it in tip-top condition? I suggest you do some maintenance. Is the bow string in perfect shape? Are there any tiny frays? Has it been waxed recently? And what about the grip? Are there any small cracks or wobbles? Is it as steady and stable as it needs to be? I have one further suggestion as you prepare for the target-shooting season. Choose one or at most two targets to aim at rather than four or five.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

It’s prime time to feel liberated from the urge to prove yourself to anyone. It’s a phase when your self-approval should be the only kind of approval you need, a period when you have the right to remove yourself from any situation that is weighed down with gloomy confusion or apathetic passivity. This is exciting news! You have an unprecedented opportunity to recharge your psychic batteries and replenish your physical vitality.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

I suspect you can now accomplish healthy corrections without getting tangled up in messy karma. Here are my recommendations:

1. As you strive to improve situations that are awry or askew, act primarily out of love rather than guilt or pity; 2. Fight tenderly in behalf of beautiful justice, but don’t fight harshly for ugly justice; 3. Ask yourself how you might serve as a kind of divine intervention in the lives of those you care about—and then carry out those divine interventions.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Piscean sculptor Anne Truitt wrote: “The most demanding part of living a lifetime as an artist is the strict discipline of forcing oneself to work steadfastly along the nerve of one’s own most intimate sensitivity.” I propose that many Pisceans—artists and non-artists— can thrive from living like that. The coming weeks will be a time to give yourself to such an approach with eagerness and devotion. I urge you to think hard and feel deeply as you ruminate on how to work steadfastly along the nerve of your own most intimate sensitivity.

ACROSS

4. Toasty

8. Birds appearing on Australia’s 50 cent coins

12. Part of FWIW

13. Spanish response to a sneeze

14. Online singles service that features a synagogue directory

15. Gate posting, for short 16. Garlic ____

17. Helped supply a sushi restaurant, say 18. Director Anderson 19. Part of a foot 20. Shop shelter

21. Sharpen 23. Native American tribe with a rain dance

25. Suffix with hex26. Rubbish holder 28. Pulls (out) 29. “____ me!” 30. Keep from spreading, as a rumor 31. Proof-ending letters 34. Add ____

5. Baldwin of “30 Rock”

6. It may be bumper-to-bumper

7. Diagnosis deliverers: Abbr.

8. Trouble-free place

9. Obama who toured colleges in 2015

10. Knoxville sch.

11. Swamp plant

13. “There is a rose” in this neighborhood in a 1960 hit song 14. Passover, for one

Need $20K?

Big applause to the president of the Utah Senate—Layton Republican Stuart Adams—and the majority of Utah legislators who devised, revised and approved Senate Bill 240, which now awaits the governor’s signature to make it into law.

Why would you care about this? Because if you’re a first-time homebuyer, this is great news for you!

Known as the First-Time Homebuyer Assistance Program, this bill provides up to $20,000 for Utahns to use as a down payment, for closing costs, or to buy down their interest rate when they purchase a qualifying residential unit in Utah.

46. Problem in bed, for some 50. TV’s Ortiz and Gasteyer

52. Suffix with major

54. Spooky-sounding Pennsylvania city

55. Pioneer’s direction

57. Pop star Rita whose last name is the title of her 2012 debut album

Last week’s answers

Since there are myriad types of home loans out there, a buyer can put zero down to finance a home, or more. And closing costs to get a mortgage can be around 2% or 3%. Redfin.com reports the median sales price of a home in Utah is $520,000, so 3% of that would be $15,600, which could be fully covered by this new bill.

If the recipient sells the home, the $20,000 loan has to be repaid and the bill’s language states that the amount to be repaid shall be the lesser of a. the amount you received or b. 50% of the home’s equity.

Don’t run out to your nearest mortgage broker just yet. The bill, upon signing, would take effect July 1, 2023. A wise buyer would start looking for a home or condo in, say, May and go under contract in June with a close of escrow around the first week of July. That’s a great metaphor for freedom from rent if you close around the Fourth of July and own your own home.

These funds will be doled out and controlled by the Utah Housing Corporation, which was created by our Legislature in 1975. So far, it’s helped more than 106,400 homebuyers get a mortgage in our state.

SUDOKU X

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers

1 to 9. No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

They don’t just grant first mortgages but also offer grants for members of the military and veterans who are first-time Utah homebuyers. Eligible vets could receive up to $2,500 in cash when they purchase a home.

There are also grants appropriated from the Olene Walker Housing Loan for Utah law enforcement and correctional officers to help with an interestfree, forgivable down payment and closing cost assistance grants.

Go to a Utah Housing Corp.-approved lender to qualify for loans and grants. Your purchase can be anywhere in Utah and can be a single-family home, condo or manufactured home. You must first qualify for an FHA, VA or conventional mortgage through a lender, and that lender will know what monies you qualify for in a grant and/or loan.

For participating lenders and more information, go to utahhousingcorp. org or call Julie Brizzee, the mortgage broker I recommend to folks for more free information (her ad is at the bottom right-hand side of p. 39).

And thanks to Senator Adams (a homebuilder, himself) for getting this bill passed! n

NEWS of the WEIRD

BY THE EDITORS AT ANDREWS MCMEEL

Fine Points of the Law

Natalia Harrell, 24, was arrested last July in Miami for allegedly shooting and killing Gladys Yvette Borcela, 28, as they rode in an Uber. Since then, she’s been in the custody of the Miami-Dade Corrections Department— along with her unborn child. Now, Michael O’Brien, the father of the child, has filed a petition claiming the baby has not been charged with a crime and is having its due process rights violated, NBC Miami reported. “I don’t want the baby to be born prematurely or low birth weight,” O’Brien said. “The conditions (in the jail) are terrible, and I feel she’s not getting the prenatal care she should be getting.” He seeks the baby’s immediate release. Officials replied that they are reviewing the care Harrell has received “to ensure that all prenatal care being provided in our custody is appropriate.”

Irony

Police in Glemgormley, Northern Ireland, pulled over a Mini Cooper on Feb. 27 and asked the driver for proof of insurance, the Irish Mirror reported. After cagily searching around for the document, the driver admitted they didn’t have insurance—even though they were sporting a bumper sticker that cheekily asked, “My brakes are good!! Is your insurance?” The car was seized and the driver was issued a penalty for the lack of coverage.

New World Order

Tired of your John Hancock looking like a child’s scribble? Priscilla Molina of Los Angeles can help with that. The Associated Press reported that Molina’s business, Planet of Names, will make over anyone’s signature for between $10 and $55. People seeking her service are “not happy with their signatures. They don’t relate to who they are. They don’t give the message they want to convey to the world,” Molina said. She designs up to 300 custom signatures per month, and offers a range of styles, from elegant and artistic to ... illegible.

My Kindom for an Editor

First it was a misspelling of Georgia O’Keeffe’s name in New York City’s new Grand Central Terminal. But then on Feb. 26, according to the Associated Press, the state’s Department of Transportation installed a new sign in Queens to identify the Jackie Robinson Parkway, established in 1997. Robinson was the first African American player to compete in major league baseball. But the DOT forgot the C, spelling the baseball great’s first name Jakie. The sign was quickly replaced with the correct spelling.

Unconventional Weaponry

In a puzzling attempt to draw attention to the climate crisis, three people defaced a woolly mammoth at the Royal B.C. Museum in Victoria, Canada, on March 1, the Times Colonist reported. A woman allegedly used her hands to paint the mammoth’s tusks pink. A group called On2Ottawa has claimed responsibility for the vandalism; the painter, “Laura,” says in a video posted online, “If the government does not enact a citizens’ assembly to tackle the climate and ecological crisis in the next one to two years, then we will be traveling to Ottawa to demand one.” The water-based paint was cleaned off the tusks and three people were arrested.

Oops

More than 40 high school students from the Barr Beacon School in Walsall, England, were stranded in the U.S. for four extra days after a ski trip to New Hampshire, the New York Post reported. It wasn’t weather that shut down their travel, but the fact that the Kancamagus Lodge in Lincoln, New Hampshire, “accidentally” shredded 42 of their passports. Fortunately, head teacher Katie Hobbs, who was not on the trip, was on top of the situation and had the group move to New York City,

where the British embassy was preparing emergency documents. In the meantime, the kids toured the city and took in the sights. “The silver lining is that they can have an amazing experience,” said one parent. The lodge had no explanation for the destruction of the passports other than it happened by mistake.

Perspective

Hicham Argani, a police officer in Boxtel, Netherlands, was patrolling his neighborhood when he spotted an unidentified object in the sky, the Daily Star reported on March 1. He posted on Instagram about the “suspected ‘spy balloon’” hovering over the Selissen district and followed it in his car. Finally, he decided to pull over to get a closer look at it—which was when he realized the UFO was a blob of bird poo stuck to his windshield. Argani updated his post with his findings and an all-clear: “Boxtel is safe!”

Compelling Explanation

A Peruvian man, 26-year-old Julio Cesar Bermejo, is being detained in Puno after police discovered a mummified human in his possession, People reported. Officers approached three men drinking in a park on Feb. 25 and noticed the remains inside a cooler delivery bag. Bermejo told them that he had brought the mummy to the park to show his friends; it had been in his family for decades. He said he named the remains “Juanita” and it was his “spiritual girlfriend.” However, officials say the mummy is actually that of a 45-year-old man, and they’ve turned it over to Peru’s Ministry of Culture.

Repeat Offender

Rodolfo Santillan can’t stop burglarizing cars. On Feb. 21, he broke into a van while wearing an ankle bracelet for two pending car burglary cases, CWB Chicago reported. A passing police officer stopped and charged him with misdemeanor criminal trespass, and he left the police station at about 4:40 p.m. Two hours later, police were called to another van, where workers said they had found Santillan inside. He was also caught on video taking tools from a nearby car. Santillan was held without bail for violating bond in the previous cases.

Cultural Diversity

According to the India Times , a wedding in Bhavnagar took an odd turn in late February when Hetal, the bride, fainted during the nuptials, then passed away at the hospital. Doctors said she suffered a heart attack. As the wedding festivities went on, the family came up with a novel idea: The bride’s younger sister would marry the groom instead. City Councilman Laxmanbhai Rathore called the event extremely sad and said the family was trying to set an example by not abandoning the groom and his family without a bride. One woman commented on Twitter: “Families cannot afford to let their wedding investment go in vain. Behind all that love and sanskaar is a very practical and businesslike family model.”

The Passing Parade

In Tsuruta, Japan, an annual sporting event was shuttered for three years during the COVID pandemic, but now it’s back, Reuters reported. The Suction Cup Tug-of-War, in which pairs of bald men attach suction cups to their heads and pull in opposite directions, took place on Feb. 22, with the city’s Bald Men’s Club gamely competing. “My head still hurts,” said Toshiyuki Ogasawara, 43. “I think I need to ice it!” The club welcomes people who “view baldness in a positive manner” and want to “brighten the world with our shiny heads,” its website reads. This year’s champion was Mr. Ota, who has won three consecutive times.

Send your weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com