City Weekly February 9, 2023

By Carolyn Campbell

SLC FORECAST

By Carolyn Campbell

Cover design by Derek Carlisle

S AP

BOX

@SLCWEEKLY @SLCWEEKLY @CITYWEEKLY

A View to a Kill

The women at the table of the daytime TV talk show The View recently discussed the police beating and death of Tyre Nichols. Their show reminded me of the kind of discussion that must have happened in 1980, when women got together to start Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. Mothers then did not just get mad, they got busy. Young people were being killed by repeat DUI offenders, just like young citizens today are being killed by police officers with a license to kill whoever displeases them.

MADD went to work lowering the legal blood alcohol level for drunk driving, raising penalties and enacting many other educational and action measures.

I hope the women of The View and others like them get busy today. And I hope a few white men will take some time to grow a social conscience and join with them, too.

Women once again—from the time of the underground railroad, the anti-saloon league, women’s suffrage, children’s work and welfare campaigns and civil rights— are true leaders of humanity in American society. White men generally have busied themselves in their spare time watching football in a beer stupor, and occasionally rising to attend funerals.

KIMBALL SHINKOSKEY Woods Cross

“A Safe Space,” Feb. 2 Cover Story

So cool to see City Weekly featuring stories like these.

AYJABOUNOUS Via Instagram

“Mother Knows Best …”

Feb. 2 Opinion Column

Republicans and conservatives have no empathy and don’t care about the planet or its denizens. Such evil shouldn’t be allowed to serve in our government.

JAKESTOUT13

Via Instagram

Excellent legislation. 10/10 would support.

JBENJAMINTX

Via Instagram

“Red (Blue, White and Yellow) Flags,” Jan. 30 Online News

It’s extremely lame that lawmakers changed the 8-pointed star to a 5-point on the new state flag. I went from being excited about the design to being disappointed with our state government again.

NICDESEEL

Via Instagram

I’m so pissed they would change the 8-point star. Sen. Dan McCay, R-Riverton,

claims a Native American constituent told him it looked like an asterisk. I’d love to know if that constituent actually exists and why one person’s opinion gives them the right to remove the representation of eight tribes. His revamped bill changes the language, saying instead that the “snowy mountains” represent the indigenous people of Utah.

J.SPENCERTON

Via Instagram

The 8-point star was representing the native tribes of Utah. Now it’s (even more than it was before) just some Americana shit.

CAMILLEKNAPHUS

Via Instagram

Give the Utah Senate a job. This wasn’t needed. Use my tax dollars for something useful.

JANEYUTAH

Via Instagram

Care to sound off on a feature in our pages or about a local concern? Write to comments@ cityweekly.net or post your thoughts on our social media. We want to hear from you!

THE WATER COOLER

What do you like best about our community?

Scott Renshaw

That I can always discover a new, different thing that’s best about it.

Kelly Boyce

The creative ways we find to enjoy and preserve Utah’s beautiful outdoors. Also the thriving music community, which also utilities the outdoors!

Benjamin Wood

I love the resilience and defiance of Salt Lakers. The Utah power structure is constantly looking to grind us down: They claim credit for our economic success; they dilute our political power; they scoff at our diversity and urban lifestyles while helping themselves to our restaurants, venues and cultural spaces. But every time I start to feel dispirited, I see in my community new ideas and new voices pushing for a better future.

Derek Carlisle

I like that even though the “Small Lake City” vibe is slowly diminishing amongst the apartment complex binge, new growth in The Granary, Maven and Marmalade neighborhoods—and all through West Valley—shows that we may make it through this swell while still keeping some identity. Too bad Sugar House couldn’t have been saved.

Jerre Wroble

The ever-surpising arts and dining scene.

PRIVATE EYE

Mike Lee’s America

This evening, while I’m leapfrogging between episodes of The White Lotus (late to the game) and Poker Face (up to speed), President Biden will deliver his State of the Union address to Congress.

The only reason I may tune in would be to catch a glimpse of the Republican Party leadership—Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Matt Gaetz, Paul Gosar and the lot—defile what remains of their burnt souls once again on national television. I’d look through the speech attendees to see if anyone—perhaps a bold, America-first consort such as Utah Reps. Chris Stewart and Burgess Owens or Sen. Mike Lee—might rise to condemn their clownish antics.

But they won’t.

It isn’t required that the president deliver such a speech to Congress, let alone during prime TV viewing time. As you may know, I’m no constitutional scholar, so just ask the only living man who was present when the Constitution was written, Sen. Mike Lee, if you doubt me.

Lee can thus be trusted when he says he knows the intent of the authors and signatories of the Constitution, when no one else can. Lee knows the president is only required to deliver an update of our country’s well-being and “from time to time give to Congress information of the State of the Union and recommend to their Consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient.”

Lee is only a strict constitutionalist when he sees fit. On one day he is a conniving, Constitution back-stabbing coach of Team Insurrection but, on other days, he is a blindeyed pragmatist siding with the likes of duplicitous First Amendment protectors like Elon Musk, climate change deniers, fake health science promulgators and Chinese balloon-theory floaters.

Mike Lee is a creep. I’ve shared many a cocktail with creeps. I know creeps. My problem with Lee isn’t that he’s a

BY JOHN SALTAS @johnsaltas

creep. It’s that he never picks up the tab.

This past week, a giant balloon of Chinese origin crossed over our country at an elevation of more than 60,000 feet above sea level—higher than our jet fighter craft typically fly. Lee was quick to insert his foot in his mouth this past week by tweeting—in all caps for effect—for President Biden to SHOOT DOWN THE BALLOON.

But how, Mike Lee? His insurrectionist sister-in-arms, Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, extolled her followers to just shoot it down themselves, presumably with their personal stockpile of arms. Like that, Mike?

It seemed like such a good idea at the time for Republicans and their supplicants in right-wing media to rally around the idiotic notion that because Biden didn’t pull the trigger within minutes of the balloon discovery, he was unfit to lead (not like, say, former President Trump, whom they claimed would have taken swift action against the giant white thingy). But since the balloon was brought down without incident other than silly carping from the PR wing of the Chinese Communist Party, and since it was revealed that there were similar balloon flyovers during Trump’s presidency, Lee has gradually moderated his tone.

Indeed, his most recent tweet reads, “President Biden, I’m sorry for being an opportunist asshat. You had more information, and you reasonably wanted our military to glean any and all useful data from it before it fell. You even considered that rash actions might hurt innocent Americans on the ground. I laud your decision and await your call to arms against our common enemy, the wind.”

Nah, he didn’t say that—but he should have. His @BasedMikeLee Twitter feed the past two days has moved on to subjects like his smarmy, tongue-in-the-ear affection for Elon Musk. New day, new fake crisis.

That’s how Mike Lee doesn’t pay the tab. He just keeps ordering drinks, even stupid umbrella drinks and waits until people forget who owns the bill. Trump was a master at

that. It’s like the entire Republican party has embraced the Trump model. Just talk lots of shit talk to keep everyone up in arms.

In time, even Republicans realize they’ve been had. But they can’t admit it, so they marvel at the con and conflate it as strength, vision and leadership. In time, people even forget that over a million of our fellow citizens died of COVID, job growth died and that the national debt grew to, yes, the heights of a Chinese spy balloon and, all the while, Mike Lee was a U.S. senator pledged to serve for the benefit of all Americans.

But not all of us forget so easily. I was only 3 years old in 1957 when Russia launched its Sputnik satellite. One night, my dad took me outside to look up into the night sky and sure enough, at the appointed time, about 200 miles above earth, Sputnik transited over Utah and the crystal-clear skies of Bingham Canyon. Blip. Blip. Blip.

America was transfixed—or rather, terrified. Our nation’s reaction wasn’t mockery; it was to advance our own goals and within 10 years, we walked on the moon.

Who in America was similarly scared last week? Anyone? The balloon, for all the hullabaloo, became just one more shouting point, one more pile of slop at the pig trough. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

For Utah politicians, the timing couldn’t have been better. Last week, most Wasatch Front residents couldn’t see their own rooftops, let alone a balloon 15 miles high. Did I miss the part where someone actually took real action regarding our foul air?

If the balloon had floated over Utah, we likely would never have seen it. Just like every other problem in Mike Lee’s America: It’s easier to imagine a problem and raise hell about that than to actually do something about the ones that really exist. CW

Send comments to john@cityweekly.net

HITS & MISSES

BY KATHARINE BIELE | @kathybiele

HIT: Thoughts and Prayers

Everyone breathing air in the Salt Lake Valley can be hopeful that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints reads and heeds The Salt Lake Tribune Yes, the LDS Church is the church whose major effort once was rebranding itself as not-the-Mormons, so you might wonder if saving the Great Salt Lake would pass muster. Still, the Tribune made a forceful case for the church overlords to offer something more than prayer as the lake fades into toxic dust. The Trib points out that the church has a lot to lose—and not just its history. While the church doesn’t like to talk much about its land holdings, it has to be considered a big player. It owns a lot in the GSL watershed, but what’s under the earth is more important. The Trib found that the church has water rights to at least 75,000 acre feet of water. While the article delved too much on LDS scripture, it made a point that there are many good reasons to both conserve and take action. We’ll see if our LDS governor can make the case with his church.

MISS: Controlling the Courts

What is it they say about absolute power? Now that the Legislature has it, it appears they want more, and Draper Republican Sen. Kirk Cullimore is like a kid in a candy shop—he just can’t wait to get his hands on the ring called “my precious.” The Trib’s Robert Gehrke wrote about how Cullimore is “proposing a sweeping restructuring of the Utah court system, stripping away long-standing guardrails intended to ensure the courts’ independence and partisan neutrality.” Cullimore and other pissy lawmakers are upset that they’re getting sued by the public and that the courts sometimes don’t let them get away with their schemes. Judicial applicants are already appointed by the governor after they’ve been vetted by a bipartisan nominating commission. Cullimore doesn’t want any of those socialist lawyers moving into judgeships, although he says he just wants to give the governor more discretion. Yeah, we all buy that, don’t we?

MISS: Baby on Board

What could possibly go wrong? You’re pregnant and using the carpool lane and get pulled over by a cop. Simple— you just produce documentation that you are indeed pregnant even if the fetus isn’t yet showing. Not unlike the rape-friendly abortion law, you just have to make sure you have all the documents with you, all the time, and for anyone who might ask. The Legislature is on a crash course in fetal law, telling a woman she has to not only prove she’s been raped for getting an abortion, but also that the embryo inside her is a person with rights and privileges—you know, the ones we don’t give kids later in life if they’re trans or maybe want to read about Black history. HB256, Carpool Lane Usage Modifications, allows a pregnant woman to use the HOV lane, but with conditions. The best argument against the bill said that a fetus doesn’t reduce emissions, which is the point of having more than one person use an HOV lane.

Lovers’ Lanes

What can I say—love is certainly in the air this month. The recent uptick in public displays of affection, like the bespectacled heart eyes outside East Millcreek Eyewear (3203 S. 2300 East, above photo), has been noticeable if not a bit over-thetop. I fully expect the 9th & 9th whale to chime in with a “Whale You Be My Valentine?” tweet any day now.

Whether you observe Valentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day or Malentine’s Day (evidently, that’s a thing, too), Salt Lake has an overabundance of celebration options for you to partake in. A simple Google search of “SLC Valentine’s Day events” pulls up everything from card making at library branches to blood drives sponsored by the American Red Cross—so I’m sure you don’t need me chiming in with suggestions to fill up your day or evening.

But after the festivities have concluded, should you wish to continue to enjoy your beloved’s company, there are a few lookout points scattered throughout the valley that might provide a good backdrop for some, well, amorous activities.

The most popular ones I’ve come across are up in the Upper Avenues, clustered around 11th Avenue Park, with Chandler Drive having as many idling cars as a Chick-fil-A drive-thru line.

Be careful though, as I’ve seen some light police presence there on occasion to deter such revelries (I would imagine that they have Feb. 14 circled on their calendar as well!).

As an alternative, you could head toward Popperton Park, where you can pass by a heart-shaped statue located in a sculpture garden of a private residence on Virginia Avenue near Fairfax Road (below photo). The park itself has a couple of trails that can lead to some great views or, if you’d rather stay cozy inside a car, there are options to park around the perimeter.

Regardless of how you choose to celebrate, I wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day! CW

An eyeware shop in Millcreek gets into the Valentine’s holiday spirit with a pair of love-ly spectacles.

A heart-shaped statue at Popperton Park in The Avenues is close to some of the best views of the city.

Top 10 Reasons to Live in Utah

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

10. Tequila Lime Jell-O Shooters.

9. Pregnant women and their fetuses driving in carpool lanes.

8. Ponzi schemes and the real Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

7. Proposed $550 million gondola up Little Cottonwood Canyon

6. Disappearing Great Salt Lake

5. Best alfalfa (upstream from Great Salt Lake)

4. Insurrectionist and great American Sen. Mike Lee

3. Greatest Air on Earth

2. US Magnesium (upwind from the Wasatch Front)

1. And the best reason to live in Utah: The Utah State Legislature

UFO Coverup

They’re here! Have you seen ’em? Maybe not. They reportedly have cloaking devices, like the Klingons on Star Trek (We are not making this up.)

Republican Tennessee Congressman Tim Burchett accused the Pentagon of “a huge coverup” following the release last month of a report for the Director of National Intelligence (DNI) that acknowledged hundreds of UFO sightings last year alone. Some could be plastic bags or

BY CHRISTOPHER SMART | comments@cityweekly.net

those Trump diaper balloons, but at least 171 were deemed to be what the military calls “unidentified aerial phenomena” (UAP).

“If you were human and made the turns that have been seen in some of this footage, you would literally turn into a ketchup packet,” Burchett said. Yes, Wilson, he said, “ketchup.” And no, they weren’t Chinese spy balloons.

Under Secretary of Defense for Intelligence & Security Ronald Moultrie said there is no evidence that “would lead us to believe that any of the objects are of alien origin.” Sure. Burchett isn’t convinced—he doesn’t trust the feds when it comes to aliens from space.

What’s hard to figure, though, is why they never land and say, “Hi,” like in the 1977 movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Or maybe they’re already here, as in the 1993 sci-fi film, The Body Snatchers. That at least would explain Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

House GOP Condemns Stalin, Mao and Medicare

For anyone who thinks Republicans, with their new majority in the House, aren’t accomplishing much—think again. They approved a resolution condemning the 1917 Russian Revolution. Bluster? No way, getting tough on Vladimir Lenin after 105 years is, let’s see, unfriggin’ real.

The brave GOP caucus also went after Joseph Stalin, Mao Zedong and Pol Pot. If that doesn’t strike fear into the hearts of Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping, what would? But maybe it should give Democrats pause, as well. Hey stupid, don’t look at the man behind the curtain.

The demonization of communism and socialism couldn’t also pertain to Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, could it? Mmmm …

Some 109 Democrats voted with Republicans, not figuring the swinging door of faux patriotism could smack

them in the ass. Republicans despise Medicare and Social Security—although they won’t say that out loud. It’s all mind games, but when the GOP damned communism and socialism—again—some wobbly Dems followed suit fearing they’d get punked. But they got punked anyway, joining the “America the Beautiful” chorus: “and crowned thy good with brotherhood not stinkin’ commie comradehood from sea to shining sea.” Obamacare—what’s that?

Postscript—That’s a wrap for another wintry week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of Chinese spy balloons so you don’t have to. The sky is falling! We’ve all had a gutful of Chinese balloons. Truth is they’ve been floating overhead for years, but the Pentagon didn’t tell Trump because ... well, the less he knew, the better.

And speaking of brave men, Rep. Andrew Clyde, R-Ga., was handing out assault-rifle lapel pins on Capitol Hill because they’re so good for mass shootings. After the Jan. 6 insurrection, he said the rioters were just tourists taking a stroll through the historic building. But video of that day shows him cowering behind an officer as the mob pounded on the House doors. Maybe a dog-poop lapel pin would be more apropos.

Republican Gov. Spencer Cox recently proclaimed that “we”—apparently himself and GOP lawmakers—would not let the Great Salt Lake dry up. Meanwhile, the Senate Natural Resources committee voted down a proposal to keep the lake level at a minimum of 4,198 feet. All Republican members voted against the plan. Wonder if they represent alfalfa growers. Not to worry, Cox has an ace up his sleeve—he met with Latter-day Saint Church leaders to aid him in seeking help from a higher authority. We’ll see how that goes. CW

Smart Bomb is a weekly column that appears online at cityweekly.net.

The Legislation Formerly Known as Vouchers

The public school impacts of the recently passed school-choice incentive bill are yet to be known.

BY BENJAMIN WOOD bwood@cityweekly.net

CAPITOL HILL—Members of the Utah Legislature gave final approval on Jan. 26 to a divisive bill that will see taxpayer dollars diverted to private and home-based educational ventures, accomplishing in just 10 days of the 2023 legislative session what had been a consistent priority of many Utah Republicans since 2007, when voters rejected the state government’s last major attempt at voucher legislation.

Sponsors and supporters of the proposal were adamant that it is a “scholarship” and not a “voucher”—a distinction of political semantics more than practical definitions. In either case, the law permits families to apply for up to $8,000 in taxpayer funding for a broad swath of private schooling expenses, including tuition, transportation, tutoring, field trips, computers and other materials, with priority given to low-income households.

“We can’t ignore the unique needs of individual children that are misaligned with the public education system—who need something different,” Sen. Lincoln Fillmore, R-South Jordan, said during debate on the Senate floor. “The parents are not on our team, we are on their team. And we need to be on every child’s team, even if that team is outside the traditional system that works very well for most kids.”

The bill, HB215, passed with a vote of 54-20 in the House and 20-8 in the Senate, securing a two-thirds majority in each chamber and precluding the option of a voter referendum, the method used by voucher opponents to repeal the state’s prior legislation in 2007. The votes fell largely along partisan lines but in both chambers, a small number of Republicans joined their Democratic colleagues in opposition.

HB215 was formally opposed by the Utah Board of Education, as well as the Utah Education Association, Utah Parent Teacher Association and United Federation of Teachers Utah. It was supported by a consortium of school choice proponents under the umbrella banner “Utah Fits All,” which filled the Capitol with private, charter and

homeschool students during multiple days of debate as the bill advanced rapidly through the House and Senate. Gov. Spencer Cox has since signed the legislation into law.

Speaking to reporters after the final vote, Sen. Kirk Cullimore, R-Draper and the bill’s Senate sponsor, said he was “ecstatic” about its passage. He said there’s always the potential for a new law to be challenged in court—a track that some voucher opponents have encouraged to fight the new program— but that he’s confident in the way the legislation was drafted and believes the state’s residents will come to broadly support it in time, particularly as it is further refined.

“Implementation really doesn’t even begin for another year and a half, there will be opportunities to look at this,” Cullimore said. “It’s not the existential threat to public education that it’s made out to be sometimes.”

Lawmakers took a somewhat novel approach with HB215 in order to break the impasse that has stymied voucher efforts for the last 16 years. The “scholarship” program was paired with a significant bonus for classroom educators—$6,000 each—in an overt strategy to overcome lingering reservations and make the legislation palatable to a broader constituency both inside and outside the Capitol. That strategy hit turbulence during debate on the proposal, when audio proliferated on social media of a Utah Fits All organizer stating that her true intention—and that of unnamed lawmakers on the hill—was to “destroy” the public education system. Lawmakers publicly condemned those remarks.

Teacher salaries are broadly tied to the state’s Weighted Pupil Unit—an equalized, per-student funding for-

mula—but the compensation in HB215 bypasses that revenue system, giving checks directly to classroom personnel in lieu of pass-through expenditures at the school district level. A final education budget has yet to be approved by lawmakers, leaving it unclear the degree to which schools will be able to rely on increases in state funding to address inflationary pressures that chip away at scheduled salary increases (known within the education community as “steps and lanes”).

In a prepared statement, Alliance for a Better Utah (ABU) policy adviser Chase Thomas said that lawmakers had “robbed” neighborhood schools of $42 million that will now be spent outside the public system.

“Private school vouchers have been and continue to be opposed by Utahns, but these lawmakers are instead pursuing a national agenda to ‘destroy public education,’” Thomas said. “As a result, our children, parents and teachers will suffer as a foundational institution of our society is deprived of much-needed resources.”

Utah’s public schools have long ranked at or near the bottom of the country in terms of per-pupil funding levels, which translates directly into some of the lowest teaching salaries and largest classroom sizes in the nation. While efforts have been made in recent years to make teacher pay more competitive, morale has suffered under a constant barrage of restrictions and regulations from the state and increasingly vocal suspicion from parents caught up in a hysteria over poorly understood approaches to race, gender and equity. In Utah, roughly half of all new teachers abandon the profession within five years.

Sen. Kathleen Riebe, D-Cottonwood Heights, and a public school educa-

tor, questioned why taxpayer resources would be used to offer private options for some children rather than seeking to bolster those same options for all children within the public system.

A scholarship recipient could theoretically use taxpayer funds for transportation to a private school, Riebe noted, while many public school families not covered by busing are required to provide transportation at personal expense or, if they can’t afford it, to walk to school. “If we don’t have something in our schools, we should be providing it,” she said.

While the bill includes some requirements around accountability and transparency in an attempt to ensure the funds are being spent on legitimate educational services, the simple fact is that private and home schools are not required to participate in the state’s data collection processes, like graduation rates and standardized testing.

Asked how the state can determine whether the voucher program is working—or rather, what “working” means in the context of the bill—Cullimore said he believed useful data would be generated by scholarship recipients, as well as anecdotal evidence from participating families. “We’ll see some satisfaction from parents,” he said, “and be able to gauge success based on that.”

Fillmore, who works professionally in the charter school sphere, said he was optimistic that the introduction of “market forces” into education would, over time, bolster support among his colleagues to peel back the burdensome rules and regulations imposed upon public schools, offering greater flexibility to working educators.

“I’m hopeful that the answer is yes,” Fillmore said, “but obviously we’ll have to see.” CW

Under a new law, home- and private-schooling families can claim up to $8,000 in taxpayer subsidies.

STAN BURBANK

Baby on Board

Bill allowing pregnant women to use Utah’s carpool lanes gains House approval.

BY BENJAMIN WOOD bwood@cityweekly.net

CAPITOL HILL—Utah’s interstate carpool lanes are the latest battleground in the culture wars after a bill defining a pregnant driver as two vehicle occupants earned approval from the Utah House last week.

Eagle Mountain Republican Rep. Stephenie Gricius, the bill’s sponsor, has described her proposal as a “lifeaffirming” effort, with little mention of traffic management during her presentations on the House floor and during the bill’s committee hearing, which largely consisted of representatives of pro-life advocacy groups voicing their support for fetal acknowledgment.

“As we move away from abortions here in Utah, this is a cost-free way to say to the ladies in the room, ‘We see you,’” Gricius said.

The bill, HB256, is a unique combination of two of the Utah Legislature’s highest priorities—personhood for the unborn and the right of drivers to operate a private vehicle as quickly and with as few obstacles as possible. Members of the House Transportation Committee advanced the bill to the full House in a 6-3 vote, with those opposed suggesting the change could add to frustrations over high-occupancy (HOV) lane use, or that law enforcement officers might be compelled to simply stop pulling over any woman traveling alone in a car. The House then voted 49-23 in favor of the legislation, moving it to the Senate.

“Certainly someone could be dishonest trying to get out of a ticket and say ‘I’m pregnant, so it’s OK,’” said Rep. Jeff Stenquist, R-Draper. “I worry that if we open up the carpool lane to nearly half of our population, it starts to dilute the purpose of the carpool lane. Why have a carpool lane at that point?”

Traditionally, carpool lanes have had a dual purpose of, first, reducing congestion and emissions by encouraging drivers to combine trips and, second, to generate revenue through tolls that can offset the massive subsidization of private vehicle travel on free-to-use highways. Rep. Brett Garner, D-Murray, pointed out that opening the carpool lane to pregnant women achieves none of these goals and could, potentially, work against them.

“It doesn’t take a car off the road when we’re doing this,” Garner said.

“In my opinion, we’re adding cars by doing this.”

During the House floor debate, Garner proposed an amendment that would have preserved the acknowledgment of unborn children while raising the passenger minimum in high-occupancy vehicle (HOV) lanes to three, including the driver. Representatives rejected his amendment before approving the underlying legislation.

Rep. Susan Pulsipher, R-South Jordan, noted that women with newborn children are already permitted to use HOV lanes, despite those passengers being largely invisible to law enforcement personnel and not contributing to traffic mitigation.

Expanding the law to include the unborn, she said, would have the effect of allowing women to use the carpool lane “a few months early.”

“I don’t see how this would change what already exists today,” she said.

During public comment in committee, women representing Pro-Life Utah and the Utah Eagle Forum spoke in favor of HB256, citing the recent reversal of the U.S. Supreme Court on abortion rights and noting that Utah state law already grants personhood to unborn children in situations like a murder, for which a perpetrator can be charged with double homicide after killing an expecting parent.

“We now have a chance to solve the abortion crisis in this country,” said Mary Taylor, president of Pro-Life Utah. “But to do this, we must change our culture to one of support and love for all women and babies.”

But Brent Budge, a Murray resident, questioned the premise of the bill and the need for transportation policy to contemplate the thorny issue of when life legally begins.

“This bill does not make our roads safer, does not make our air cleaner, does not increase the effectiveness of carpool lanes,” Budge said. “I just don’t think this is a pressing priority for our Legislature right now.”

The state is currently in the early stages of a proposed expansion of Interstate 15, which could see the addition of extra carpool lanes and/or express lanes that reverse travel directions during the day. Those investments are likely to come at the expense of existing homes and neighborhoods in both Salt Lake and Davis Counties, though planners have yet to finalize an expansion route.

The Utah Department of Transportation (UDOT) argues that freeway expansion is needed to prevent drive times from becoming burdensome in the future as the state’s population increases. But similar highway expansions in other states have demonstrated

only short-term gains in commute times, quickly followed by a worsening of traffic conditions that match or even exceed pre-expansion figures, a phenomenon known as “induced demand.”

UDOT representatives claim the freeway expansion is being considered in concert with improvements to mass transit—particularly the FrontRunner passenger train, which was built in hard-to-access areas and with a single track, making convenient service impossible. Work on double-tracking the train is currently in progress, but the overall effort has languished for more than 20 years.

During the current legislative session, Senate President Stuart Adams, R-Layton, has repeatedly cited the need to “fix” FrontRunner so that it is competitive with private vehicle travel. But the chamber’s transportation committee has engaged in only fleeting mentions of rail travel amid lengthy debate around driving services.

Last year, UDOT was formally charged with overseeing “fixedguideway” transit (trains and bus rapid transit, or BRT) as part of its overall transportation portfolio. But since then, the department has been silent on any new plans for transit expansion and improvement, and silent on any alterations to its car-focused institutional structure. CW

A bill under consideration at the Utah Legislature would permit pregnant women to drive in hich-occupancy vehicle (HOV) lanes.

BODY & MIND

Medical Addiction Recovery

Allergist

Back/Spine Center

Bariatric Surgery

Certified Infusion Center (Medical)

Dental Implant Clinic

Dental Practice

Dentist

Dermatologist

Dermatology Practice

Doctor of Internal Medicine

Ear, Nose & Throat Physician

Facility for Colonoscopy

Family Medicine Physician

Family Practice Clinic

Provider of Transgender Health Care

Gastroenterologist

General Dentist

General Surgeon

Geriatric Physician

Hospice Care Hospital

Independent Pharmacy

Ketamine Clinic

LASIK Center

Provider of Long Hauler COVID Care

Men’s Health Clinic

Mental Health Treatment Center

Midwife

Midwifery Center or Birthing Center

Neurologist

Neuropsychologist

Nurse Practitioner

Nursing Home Care

Obstetrician-Gynecologist

Oncologist

Ophthalmologist/Eye Surgeon

Optometrist

Oral Surgeon

Orthodontist

Orthopedic Rehab

Orthopedic Surgeon

Pain Clinic

Pediatric Dentist

Pediatrician

Periodontist

Physical Therapist

Physical Therapy Clinic

Physician Assistant

Place for Arch Support/Orthotics

Plastic Surgeon (Cosmetic)

Plastic Surgeon (Reconstructive)

Podiatrist

Prenatal Care

Psychiatrist

Psychotherapist/Counselor

Pulmonologist

Registered Dietitian Nutritionist (RDN)

Registered Nurse

Retirement Community

Rural Utah Medical Center

Sports Medicine Clinic

Urgent Care

Urologist

HOW TO VOTE:

Weight Loss Clinic

Women’s Health Clinic

Alternative

Acupuncture Clinic

Acupuncturist/Doctor of Chinese Medicine

Ayurveda Practitioner

Chiropractor

Cryotherapy

Doula

Dry Needling

Float Tank

Halotherapy (Salt Cave)

Herbalist

Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy

Hypnotherapist

Integrative Medicine Practice

Kinesiology/Biofeedback

Practitioner

Life Coach

Massage School

Massage Therapist

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2003 Rewind

Some TV shows from 20 years ago still hold up—here’s where you can stream them.

BY BILL FROST comments@cityweekly.net

Remember 2003? Eleven years before we were shifted into our current alternate reality? Good times—and good new TV shows. Aside from a few snafus like Stripperella (Pamela Anderson as a cartoon superhero pole dancer), The Mullets (two brothers with mullets—that was the show), and America’s Next Top Model (Tyra Banks smizeshames young women), 2003 was a hot year on the tube. Here are some Y2K+3 series you can stream right meow.

Arrested Development (Netflix, Hulu): One of the greatest American comedies of all time, Arrested Development seemed too smart and intricate to click with the Fox audience in ’03, which was into American Idol and My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé. Mitch Hurwitz’s fractured fairytale of the rich on the skids is a masterful collage of kamikaze camera work, droll narration (by Ron Howard) and a cast of comic killers. The first three Arrested Development Fox seasons are perfect; two Netflix sequel seasons aimed to match them. (Narrator: They did not.)

Nip/Tuck (Hulu): Nip/Tuck was future TV uber-producer Ryan Murphy’s second series, after the criminally overlooked Popular (imagine Glee without all the annoying singing and earnestness). The six-season FX show, about an odd couple of plastic surgeons (Dylan Walsh and Julian McMahon), weaves seamlessly between family drama, dark comedy, psychological thriller, societal satire and straight-up medical doc (if you’re averse to blood, stay away). Murphy’s American Horror Story, Dahmer—Monster and even 9-1-1 owe Nip/Tuck big time.

Reno 911! (Paramount+, The Roku Channel): Aside from a break between 2009 and 2020, Reno 911! hasn’t stopped cranking out mock-Cops content since 2003, including six seasons on Comedy Central, one season on The Roku Channel, three feature films and whatever that Quibi nonsense was. Thomas Lennon, Robert Ben Garant, Kerri

Kenny-Silver, Niecy Nash, Cedric Yarbrough and Wendy McLendon-Covey are an improv dream team, adding just enough realism to the Reno Sheriff’s Department “docuseries” to make the comedy pop.

Carnivàle (HBO Max): Fans are still butt-hurt about the 2005 cancelation of Carnivàle, a dark period drama that was meant to run for six seasons but was cut off at two (HBO business foreshadowing?). The series follows a 1930s traveling carnival set against the twin bummers of the Great Plains dust bowl and the Great Depression, pitting young roustabout Ben (Nick Stahl) against preacher Brother Justin (Clancy Brown) in a low-key supernatural battle of Good vs. Evil. Carnivàle’s dirt-caked aesthetic and colorful “freak show” cast make for an utterly unique series.

The O.C. (HBO Max, Hulu): When he’s introduced to Orange County with a beatdown and a “Welcome to the O.C., bitch” in the pilot episode, it’s clear to teen outsider Ryan (Ben McKenzie) that this ain’t Beverly Hills 90210 The O.C. creator Josh Schwartz (Gossip Girl) tweaks the prettyteens-with-problems genre with undercurrents of classicism, meta-humor and a sprawling 2000s indie-rock soundtrack that made stars of Phantom Planet, Rooney

and Imogen Heap for at least five minutes. The O.C. also brought us Chrismukkah, a.k.a. Festivus 2.0.

Dead Like Me (The Roku Channel): Pre-Dexter, Showtime had no original series luck in the early 2000s, but Queer as Folk, The L Word and 2003’s Dead to Me at least attracted some buzz. (Related: Why the hell isn’t The Chris Isaak Show available anywhere?) Dead to Me was the first creation of Bryan Fuller (Hannibal, American Gods), following a group of “grim reapers” who, instead of moving on themselves, are stuck with the job of escorting other souls to the afterlife. The dry-humored series ended at season 2, giving star Mandy Patinkin no time to rage-quit.

Tru Calling (YouTube): As an Eliza Dushku completist who’s seen all of her work (even Soul Survivors—blech), Tru Calling remains a favorite up there with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Medical student Tru Davies (Dushku) works at the city morgue, where dead bodies are waking up and asking for help to avoid their demises. She has the supernatural ability to “rewind” the day and prevent deaths, but a man with the same power (Jason Priestly) is out to stop her. Sound ridiculous? I haven’t even mentioned that Tru’s morgue boss is Zack Galifianakis(!). CW

Salt Lake Acting Company: Hairy & Sherri

The trope of the “Austin hipster” has been part of the popular culture for decades, but for Austin native Adrienne Dawes, the concept can take on a slightly darker tone. That’s the undercurrent of Hairy & Sherri, a new play by Dawes making its world premiere at Salt Lake Acting Company.

The satirical story deals with an interracial couple—Harold and Sharon (David Knoell and Wendy Joseph, pictured)—living in gentrified East Austin. They decide to welcome in Ryshi, a 12-year-old foster-care youth with special needs, only to discover that their “good intentions” might not be good enough. Dawes said in an interview with Crosstown Arts of Memphis, “I grew up as the ‘resident big sister’ in a rehabilitative foster home, so even though I didn’t personally go through foster care, almost all of my siblings did. … Then, the frosting on top was unpacking a complicated conversation about race, class and privilege. In many ways, Hairy & Sherri is a horror story. This is the most fucked-up thing I could imagine—a couple taking in a vulnerable kid, abusing them, and then throwing them back into the system. … I think comedy is a great strategy for disarming the audience a bit, opening us up to difficult conversations and experiences.

Hairy & Sherri runs Feb. 8 – March 5 at Salt Lake Acting Company (168 W. 500 North), with performances Tuesday – Saturday at 7:30 p.m. and Sunday 1 p.m. & 6 p.m. Special accessibility performances include Feb. 26 (open captions), March 4 (ASL interpreter) and March 5 (audio described). Tickets are $34; visit saltlakeactingcompany.org. (Scott

Renshaw)

Complete listings online at cityweekly.net

Ballet West: The Sleeping Beauty

As much as it sometimes feels like the Disney company owns the entirety of popular culture, plenty of stories that are identified with the Mouse House have rich histories across multiple creative art forms. So while Sleeping Beauty Castle at Disneyland exists as one of the most photographed places on earth, the 1959 animated film is only one of the interpretations of a tale that dates back several centuries, from the courtly romance Perceforest to the Grimm fairy tales. And in 1889, Tchaikovsky turned it into a glorious ballet.

The basic elements of the narrative are familiar ones: a princess named Aurora, a vindictive fairy who places a curse on the infant princess, and another fairy who turns that curse into a century-long sleep that will affect the entire royal court and hide the castle away in a forest of thorns. Ballet West’s current production accentuates that well-known tale with beautiful new sets—the first such new sets for a Ballet West Sleeping Beauty production in 30 years—created by French artist Alain Vaes. According to Ballet West artistic director Adam Sklute, “[Vaes’] vibrant vision for the sets is designed to work with [David] Heuvel’s magical costumes to create a dynamic new look for this beloved classic. … “[W]e reinvented Ballet West’s The Sleeping Beauty in a way that maintained and honored the historical stylistic details but brought a contemporary energy to the storytelling.”

Ballet West presents The Sleeping Beauty at the Capitol Theatre (50 W. 200 South) for five performances Feb. 10 -18. Tickets start at $25; visit balletwest.org for tickets and additional event details. (SR)

Naomi Oreskes: The Big Myth

After decades of progressive Federal action in America from Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal through Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society and even through the Nixon administration, a hard rightward shift was initiated during the presidency of Ronald Reagan. But it would be a mistake to believe that it emerged fully-grown in the 1980s. Instead, it was part of a long-developing plan by American business interests to denigrate “big government,” one that spans the entirety of the 20th century.

In The Big Myth: How American Business Taught Us to Loathe Government and Love the Free Market, Harvard professor Naomi Oreskes and Jet Propulsion Laboratory historian Erik Coway trace the long history of libertarian-leaning rhetoric, including campaigns to undercut early 20th-century social justice movements against child labor and supporting organized labor. They chronicle the libertarian roots of the Little House on the Prairie books, and tune into the General Electric-sponsored TV show that beamed free-market doctrine to millions and launched Ronald Reagan’s political career. Most tellingly, they address how both major political parties became infatuated with anti-government ideas, and the damaging results up to and including the response to the opioid crisis and the COVID pandemic.

Naomi Oreskes appears through the Tanner Humanities Series on Monday, Feb. 13 at the University of Utah’s S.J. Quinney College of Law Moot Courtroom (383 S. University St.), at 7 p.m. Oreskes will be joined in conversation by Tanner Humanities Center executive director Erika George. The event is free to the public, but ticketed reservation is required; visit kingsenglish. com for the Eventbrite link. (SR)

BEAU PEARSON

BLOOMSBURY PUBLISHING

Groundhog Day, Again

Reflections on 30 years—and evolving principles—of film criticism

BY SCOTT RENSHAW scottr@cityweekly.net @scottrenshaw

It’s kind of staggering to realize that another decade has passed since I wrote about my 20th anniversary as a film critic, and how that anniversary is linked to the release of Groundhog Day on Feb. 12, 1993. The more those years blend into one another, the more I’m struck by the cosmic appropriateness of that particular film being a marker of such a significant life change.

I don’t want to rehash too much of what I wrote about in 2013; suffice it to say that it all started with a review of Groundhog Day that I sent to friends on an early email listserv in February 1993, and that after a few more similar reviews, one of those friends eventually pointed me towards a USENET forum where other people posted movie reviews. Starting that summer, and for the next few years, the rec.arts.movies forums became a training ground for me and for a generation of other folks who became professional pop-culture writers. A hell of a lot has changed over the subsequent three decades, both in the landscape of film distribution and in the business of writing about movies. Streaming services and a pandemic have led to speculation that the importance of theatrical exhibition will never be the same again. Meanwhile, many traditional media outlets, including daily newspapers, increasingly saw in-house full-time film critics as a financial luxury, and axed those positions. Like so many occupations in a

time of rapid technological change, the job of covering and writing about movies has had to evolve.

It’s also fair to say that my own individual approach to thinking and writing about movies has evolved over the past 30 years, in ways that I hope made me better at it. In fall of 2022, I was invited to speak to a journalism class at the University of Utah about the work of film criticism, which forced me to put some basic principles into concise language. This feels like a fitting time and place to share a few of those principles, refined and revised over the course of 30 years, close to 10,000 movies and hundreds of thousands of words written.

Film criticism isn’t an opinion; it’s an essay. It’s been all-too-easy in the unregulated landscape of the online era to behave as though all perspectives have equal merit—and to suggest that an argued thesis is the same as “I liked it.” While good film criticism inevitably contains opinion—or, perhaps more accurately, subjective perception—it should be opinion

grounded in evidence and argument. Back in 1993, I started writing every review as a five-paragraph essay, as a way to remind myself that I needed a thesis, supporting information, and a conclusion. The structure may have changed since then, but the principle remains.

Film criticism isn’t a list of things you noticed; it’s a piece of writing. Though related to the previous concept, it’s not entirely the same. For years, I’d read “reviews” of movies in the Hollywood trade papers that felt like someone was referring to a checklist of items: cinematography was okay, costumes were lovely, performances were wonderful, etc. It was tedious reading. My goal is actually to have people want to read what I’ve written, which means making the piece cohesive, insightful and maybe even (God willing) entertaining. While I take notes during movies, not all of those notes will end up being part of what I write, because ultimately it’s more important to put out a good piece of writing than it is to make sure everyone knows I

enjoyed the production design.

Film criticism isn’t about being “right;” it’s about starting a conversation. This might be the hardest thing to get people to understand in a time when every point of contention can turn into verbal warfare. While I have enough of an ego after 30 years of writing about movies to believe I have something worth saying, I also have enough humility to realize that I don’t have the only thing worth saying, and that my perspectives and interpretation are tied to my background, my values, and the way I see the world. My particular reading of a creative work is, I hope, a way to invite people into the act of thinking about art, rather than merely absorbing it. That purpose isn’t served by shutting down any possible alternative reading, even ones I might strongly disagree with.

If I’m still doing this job another 10 years from now, I hope I’ll have learned and evolved more. If Groundhog Day taught us anything, it’s that it’s no fun getting caught in a loop of sameness. CW

Pandemic Passions

Carlson asked Pratt to dance, “and we almost kissed on the dance floor,” he said. A week later, their first date was dinner at his favorite barbecue place in Bountiful. After that, they dated weekly and declared themselves a couple on Valentine’s Day of 2020.

Then COVID-19 hit.

There were several intervals when the new couple couldn’t see each other for weeks at a time due to pandemic restrictions. On one Zoom date, they both watched the same movie. Another time, Pratt brought Carlson a care package containing a steak dinner, then headed home to her own kitchen for the same meal. They dined together via FaceTime.

Another night, Pratt bought

a murder mystery kit, and they puzzled over a whodunnit via Zoom. Two times, her kids got sick, and she self-quarantined at home. “With my job, I can’t be around anybody who has COVID,” Carlson said.

Stephanie Pack and Sam Peterson met on the Hinge dating app in May of 2021. Because of the pandemic, they opted for a FaceTime first date.

“In a way, COVID made things easier for us. Seeing each other face-to-face online was a good icebreaker,” Peterson said.

“Stephanie felt safer meeting in person after seeing me.”

Both quickly realized they had a good connection. Their next step was walking together in Memory

Grove. “I asked if he was hungry, and the [planned] hour-and-ahalf event spread out for the rest of the evening,” Pack recalled. Peterson added: “I quickly recognized this was something I wanted to take more seriously. We were both at a stage where we were looking for long-term partners.”

Pack recalled a two-hour conversation in which Peterson addressed every lingering reservation she felt from a previous relationship. She said it was a breath of fresh air to meet someone so earnest and self-aware, and she was surprised when he accepted an invitation to her family’s reunion after only four months of dating.

But then, during the six-hour drive to the three-day reunion, the couple discovered their goals weren’t as aligned as they first thought. Peterson was finishing school in history and international relations and planned to relo-

By Carolyn Campbell comments@cityweekly.net

cate to Washington, D.C., for the next step of his studies. Pack had just purchased a home and was settling into her career in Utah.

“Projecting out 12 months, we were moving in different directions,” she said. Finally, she asked herself, “Is this where it ends?”

The pandemic made dating more intentional for many singles, says Loni Harmon, a licensed therapist known locally as The Dating Counselor. “[Many people] had a heightened awareness that they wanted a partner and became clearer with what they were looking for,” Harmon said.

But, she added, things like vaccinations became a line in the sand for some couples—leading to philosophical disagreements and, eventually, breakups. In addition, shifts in work and housing generated new relationship challenges to sort through.

“During the quarantine months, many singles moved back in with

COVID changed the way that Utah couples meet, date and fall in love.

their families and began to date in that area,” Harmon said. “When it came time to be back in the office, they had to decide whether to do long distance or break it off.”

Going for It

In her work as a matchmaker and dating coach for Latter-day Matchmaker, Erin Schurtz continually sees people seeking romance. And she agreed that the pandemic likely increased the urgency of such searches.

“Before COVID, people approached relationship-finding more casually—[it seemed like] they always had someone to hang out with or go on dates with,” Schurtz said. But during the quarantine months, she added, people “felt very lonely and were more desperate to find companionship.”

Scott Wood and Yale Holcomb likely wouldn’t have met without COVID-19. They first crossed paths on a Zoom call for gay LDS dads. At first, Wood didn’t appreciate Holcomb’s presence. He texted others, saying, “This guy isn’t LDS, and he’s not a dad. What’s he doing here?”

Wood later discovered that Holcomb stared at him throughout the meeting. “He liked looking at me. He was all kinds of happy, and I had no idea he was visually attracted,” Wood said.

Once they started talking to each other, their conversations easily lasted seven or eight hours. “With headphones, I took him Costco-shopping with me,” Wood said. “I could talk to him all day.”

Still, there were initial hitches. Wood lived in Idaho, and Holcomb’s home was in Indianapolis. Wood has five sons. Back then, Holcomb had yet to have a positive experience with kids.

But through Holcomb’s former job as a hotel inspector, he had accumulated airline and hotel miles. He invited Wood to be his Yellowstone tour guide on Labor Day, 2020.

“I picked him up in my family minivan,” Wood said. “The windshield was cracked, and I’m sure he didn’t know what to think of me.” But, he added, “I told myself this wasn’t a date. I was tour guiding. I showed him [that] my car with a dent was just me.”

They stayed at lodgings in both Yellowstone and nearby Island Park, Idaho, and Holcolmb found himself chatting more and more with one of Wood’s sons, developing a bond. When it was time to drop Holcomb back off at the airport after the trip, he said that he didn’t want to leave and was interested in maintaining a long-distance relationship.

Harmon said the pandemic made life feel more precious, and caused many people to pause and look more deeply at the people around them. It also shifted the self-awareness of singles, giving them time to work on their own personal development and goals.

“I think the pandemic taught each of us what we want in life and gave us the push to go get it,” Harmon said.

The distancing during COVID-19 was somewhat unprecedented in the modern era, according to Lisa Diamond, a professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah. She said the lack of interpersonal contact was like a worldwide experiment and many of the questions around its effect on relationships have yet to be answered.

“We are experiencing a new normal,” Diamond said. “Nobody knows how it is going to go. It’s an unusual time to be a relationship researcher.”

Diamond said that while online meetings had taken place before the pandemic, the format was supercharged during COVID-19. “Interacting online is not really how our brains have evolved to interact socially,” she said. “A screen can’t replace the kind of feedback we receive when we meet in person.”

Regarding online dating, Diamond advises that aspiring couples shift to inperson interactions as soon as possible. “Don’t waste time chatting with a virtual person. Talking to someone face-to-face and looking into their eyes is how we make mating decisions,” Diamond said. “The chemistry that you have, in-person, is irreplaceable.”

Now, in 2023, Diamond said that many people are returning to pre-pandemic social patterns. But while that’s easier for some—like college students or others whose lives revolve around a physical space—remote work and other virtual/hybrid spaces impact a person’s ability to expand their social circle.

“Today, anyone whose job is done on a computer likely spends at least part of the week working remotely,” Diamond said. “You don’t pass them in the hallway, and you don’t go to lunch.”

Scott Wood and Yale Holcomb opted to combine their surnames as “Holwood” after meeting online, dating long-distance and marrying in Lehi in 2022.

Stephanie Pack and Sam Peterson met through a dating app in the initial weeks of the COVID-19 pandemic. Peterson said the outbreak created an “icebreaker” by forcing them to first interact online.

Dating counselor Loni Harmon

COURTESY PHOTO COURTESY PHOTO

COURTESY PHOTO COURTESY PHOTO

Making It Work

Pratt has four children who love to hike. So in January 2021, the night before a planned trek, Carlson and Pratt’s children made signs together. Each child held a sign and, when they took a break to sit down, the signs formed a question: “Will you marry me?”

Pratt said “Yes,” and when the couple tried to book a wedding venue, they were successful only because another marriage had been canceled. “It just happened to fit when we could do it,” Carlson recalled.

Megan Bartholomew, editor of Utah Bride & Groom, is aware that many weddings were postponed during the pandemic era. And many venues and wedding services experienced a plunge in business in 2020 and 2021, she said.

“When there’s an economic crunch, luxuries—like weddings and travel—are the first to go,” she said.

But as COVID-19 recedes in severity, the wedding industry is bouncing back in a big way. “This year, they are swamped trying to squeeze the (formerly postponed) 2020 and 2021 weddings in with the 2022 weddings,” Bartholomew said.

Flying to Indianapolis in November 2020, Wood visited Holcomb’s renovated charcoal-gray house with its welltended garden of beautiful flowers. In January of 2021, Holcomb came to Idaho for Wood’s birthday. On Feb. 12, 2021, both flew to Denver, dining at a nice restaurant where everyone still was masked.

On another excursion, Wood proposed to Holcomb in the mountains near Grand Targhee, and Holcomb also proposed at the top of Las Vegas’ Eiffel Tower. They created a blended surname—Holwood—from their two former last names. Guests from 11 states attended their wedding in Lehi.

“The weather was perfect for bringing everybody together after we had been apart for so long. My Scouting friends had never met my gay friends before,” Wood said. “They had a lot of fun getting to know each other.”

Wood, who previously had been married for 30 years, said he never imagined finding a man to marry and call his husband. Likewise, Holcomb never envisioned marrying a man with five kids.

“Now the kids will text him before they text me,” Wood said. “This year, he went with my ex-wife to a parent-teach-

er conference. We’re just being ourselves and loving it.”

Meanwhile, Pack and Peterson discussed what a third path might look like for their future. Peterson was open to postponing his studies and fleshing out a career in Utah, and his willingness to sacrifice his goals for the sake of the relationship struck Pack, she said.

“I realized I had to be willing to make a similar sacrifice someday. If he stuck around for a few more years, his career goals might lead him away at some point, and I needed to be willing to make that leap,” Pack said.

Pack was anxious about engagement and wedding planning, and initially tried to convince Peterson to elope, with him responding that his mother would “kill” him. But one day overlooking the city on a hike, Pack suggested they “rip off the bandaid” and formalize their engagement. To her surprise, Peterson had the wedding ring in his pocket and handed it to her.

“As soon as he put the ring on my finger, I felt a rush of relief and peace over my previous anxieties,” Pack said.

The couple delegated aspects of the wedding planning to friends and family who were happy to help out. Pack’s mother and sister prepared a small, intimate ceremony and then, months later, Peterson’s mother organized a larger reception delayed by COVID-19.

“She threw an incredible party,” Peterson said. “It was an outpouring of love. I can’t believe we almost didn’t do it.”

Despite the inconvenience of the pandemic, Carlson felt there were benefits, too. “For me, as someone who waited a long time to get married [at age 43], it helped us take our time, and I got to know her in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise,” he said.

In addition, when they married, “I became a stepdad, and the extra time helped me ease into a situation where I took on a big responsibility and commitment,” he said. “It made me feel more confident about taking on that choice.”

According to Harmon, dating in 2023 is shifting away from meeting potential partners online and back toward traditional habits. That translates to an uptick in singles events and participation in singles-oriented social groups.

“They are still struggling to find matches,” she said, but they are going on many dates and making efforts to choose a partner.” CW

Liz Pratt and Brian Calrson first met at an event at the Governor’s Mansion. “I didn’t believe in love at first sight,” Carlson said, “but then it happened to me.”

COURTESY PHOTO

COURTESY PHOTO

Date Night

Restaurants around Salt Lake City are turning up the heat for Valentine’s Day dining.

BY AIMEE L. COOK comments@cityweekly.net

Are you looking for the perfect place to take your special someone on or around Valentine’s Day? Celebrate an evening full of romance, good food and memorable moments over dinner at one of these delightful restaurants.

Whether you’re in search of a cozy Italian restaurant or a chic new eatery with signature cocktails, this list has something for everyone who hopes to make their night out extra special. With romantic lighting, delicious eats and unbeatable ambiance at every price point, it’s time to make Valentine’s Day dinner extraordinary. Pro tip: Make a reservation now.

Urban Hill

The newest eatery on the block with a seafood-heavy menu. Fun fact, the diver scallops are delivered with the actual name of the diver who gathered them. For one night only, as a Valentine dining treat, a four-course menu has been carefully crafted by chef Nick Zocco. Dinner begins with a taste of peekytoe crabcake or beet carpaccio. Choose then between Malaspina oysters, served with caviar and strawberry sorbet, or a citrus salad w ith pickled raisins and fromage blanc.

Main dishes include three options— roasted duck breast, wood-fired grass-fed hanger steak or potato gnocchi. Cost is $90 per person, with optional wine pairings for an additional $45.

510 S. 300 West, Unit 100, SLC 385-295-4200 urban-hill.com

Laurel Brasserie & Bar

If you have not yet dined in this revamped space (formally the Garden Café) at The Grand America, perhaps this should be the time. The newly remodeled space has a main restaurant,

three private dining rooms and a 21+ bar area. The bar area offers two daily happy hours, 4 to 6 p.m. and 10 p.m. to midnight. Bar menu items are discounted and the craft cocktails are flowing.

The regular dinner menu will be offered in the main dining area, and you can’t go wrong with any of the offerings by executive chef Fernando Soberanis—the pigs in a blanket are Snake River Farms franks wrapped in a buttery dough ($10), or the Christiansen Family Farm cider-brined bone-in pork chop ($33) are very popular for good reason.

For Valentine’s Day, the Grand America is offering a Room & Dinner package. Couples can choose a room or suite and enjoy a five course, prix-fixe dinner in a private dining room. Dinner includes shrimp cocktail and Caesar salad, butter-poached lobster tail with dry-aged filet mignon and a scrumptious chocolate cake and apple crisp tarte to finish. Cost is $600 per couple, depending on room.

555 S. Main, SLC 801-258-6708 laurelslc.com

Table X

Table X’s impeccable tasting menus have made it a destination for those in search of an exquisite dining experience. From the first course to dessert, chefs Nick Fahs and Mike Blocher have crafted each delicious dish so that guests embark on a culinary journey. A winter tasting menu experience to celebrate Valentine’s Day will be offered between Feb. 10 and Feb. 15 (at press time, Feb. 14 slots were sold out but availability remained on the other dates).

“The menu will feature winter produce that we still source at the Downtown Farmers Market, and we will be pulling out some special items preserved from last summer like Weeks Farm’s blueberries, fermented tomatoes and preserved currents from our garden,” Chef Blocher said. “We will also be doing house-made pasta with Umbria black truffles and pork from our whole pigs from Christiansen Family Farms.”

Note: The entire seven-course menu was not released at press time.

1457 E. 3350 South, SLC 385-528-3712 tablexrestaurant.com

Urban Hill, in the Post District , is one of Salt Lake’s newest dining options. COURTESY PHOTO

BEST THAI RESTAURANT | BEST CHICKEN SATAY

Welcome to Sawadee Thai Restaurant

We invite you to our beautiful restaurant in downtown Salt Lake City for an authentic Thai Cuisine Our chefs will treat your taste buds to the finest in Thai cooking. Of our cooking, Salt Lake City Weekly praised Sawadee’s cooking as, “The most authentic Thai eating experience in Utah.”

30% OFF! Sale ends February 18

Mar | Muntanya

Located in the new Hyatt Regency hotel in the heart of downtown Salt Lake City, Mar | Muntanya takes diners on a culinary journey created by chef Tyson Peterson highlighting the best of Northern Spanish cuisine. The rooftop restaurant with its skyline views blends traditional recipes with local flavors, such as the funeral croquettas ($8) and the roasted elk tenderloin ($35)—a dish that’s personally nostalgic for Chef Peterson—for an unforgettable dining experience. In addition, four newly installed temperature controlled globes are available for an intimate dining experience.

If brunch is more your style, Mar | Muntanya recently launched a brunch menu, offering savory items like egg basquaise ($11) and sweeter dishes like churro French toast ($13) and their noteworthy oysters with beef tartare ($17).

“It’s been fun to see this place come to life,” said Peterson. “I don’t think anyone else is doing brunch five days a week—I like going to brunch, and as a chef, I don’t have normal days off, so I don’t get the opportunity to go to brunch. I am originally from Utah, so there a few cheeky things on the menu.”

Brunch is served Wednesday through Sunday, 10:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.

170 S. West Temple, SLC 385-433-6700 mar-muntanya.com

Fratelli Ristorante

Pete Cannella and Dave Cannell are brothers with a passion for Italian cuisine. Together, they run Fratelli restaurant, dishing up delicious homemade sausage and sauces crafted with ingredients imported from Italy by Pete Cannella, while Dave Cannell manages front-of-house operations. Enjoy the classics such as lasagna, made with Grandma’s red-sauce recipe, or chicken piccatta.

A prix fixe menu for couples ($60 for two) offers a tasty introduction to their family recipes, new and old. Lobster crab ravioli with creamy tomato vodka sauce, espresso-

rubbed petite filet with Cabernet pan sauce and strawberry chocolate tiramisu is what’s for dinner.

“Valentine’s is a special day for everyone—not just those in relationships—but to celebrate love for all,” Pete says. 8612 S. 1300 East, Sandy 801-495-4550

fratelliutah.com

SLC Eatery

At SLC Eatery, flavors are made to move. Logen Crew and Paul Chamberlain create an ever-evolving cuisine that’s sure to fuel your flavor explorations. You never know what delicious combination awaits on the menu. True to form, the duo has crafted an exceptional menu for Valentine’s Day that allows the diners a choice of dish per course.

“We hope you can celebrate a memorable meal with us,” Chamberlain said. Course 1 includes cauliflower fattoush salad, dungeness crab, mushroom-Parmesan ravioli or grilled hearts of palm. The second course includes Platinum Provisions wagyu beef, poached black cod, smoked celery root, organic chicken or crispy duck bo ssam for two. Cost is $85 per person. Complimentary bread service is included.

1017 S. Main, SLC 801-355-7952

slceatery.com

Dos Olas

Make your way to Dos Olas, located at the Pendry resort in Park City, and enjoy something new for your Valentine’s Day dining. Offering a special Valentine’s Day threecourse menu of yellow fin tuna aguachile, braised short rib with mole rosa and, to sweeten the deal, unique chocolate textures including Maracuya sorbet and Mexican spices biscuit. What a way to treat your sweetheart and your taste buds. The cost is $65 per person.

2417 W. High Mountain Road, Park City 435-513-7198

dosolasparkcity.com

The oysters with beef tartare at Mar l Muntanya in the new Hyatt Regency come with a view of downtown Salt Lake City. AIMEE L. COOK

Reigning Supreme

Monarca’s fresh take on traditional Mexican food livens up Gallivan Plaza.

BY ALEX SPRINGER comments@cityweekly.net @captainspringer

After visiting Sol Agave a few times, I’ve found myself wondering more about the state of upscale Mexican food and its representation along the Wasatch Front. It’s one of those things that is happening here for sure, but lately I’ve found myself wanting to take a deeper dive into that world, and see what we’ve got cooking.

Thinking about enchiladas suizas, zucchini blossoms, fresh guacamole and the tapestry of flavors found in Mexican mole made me think of Alamexo, which unfortunately closed at the end of 2020. It wasn’t long before my train of thought took me to the realization that I had yet to visit Monarca (268 S. State Street, Ste. 110, 801-214-0111, monarcaut.com), which now occupies the spot that Alamexo had near Gallivan Plaza. Not only that, but many local foodies have come to see Monarca as the spiritual successor to Alamexo’s fresh and feisty take on traditional Mexican food.

Fans of Alamexo will know that you absolutely cannot go wrong with the space Monarca occupies. Located right on the corner of 300 South and State Street, it’s well within walking distance of the Broadway Centre Cinemas, and any event that may be happening at Gallivan Plaza. The interior is just as sleek and inviting as it was in the Alamexo days—those towering windows that provide great natural light (and equally great people-watching

opportunities) are a fantastic feature.

I took a spot at the bar in the back corner of the restaurant, where the welcoming bar staff was happy to answer any questions I had. The menu at Monarca has a spectrum of traditional dishes like a rotating roster of tacos, smothered enchiladas, quesadillas and other plays from the Mexican food playbook that we know and love. However, once you spend a bit more time perusing things, you’ll notice some sneaky steakhouse vibes start to come through.

The king of this court is undoubtedly the tomahawk ($54), which is 16 ounces of rib eye grilled with Monarca’s house made guajillo barbecue sauce. If you don’t want to roll that high, you can snag the carne asada rib eye ($28) or the Chuleta de Puerco Asada ($24), which is a pork chop served with grilled pineapple and fried plantains.

During my visit, I was feeling more traditional, so I started things off with the empanada sampler ($14) followed up by the Enchiladas Flor de Calabaza ($16). The empanadas are part of Monaraca’s appetizer menu, which features several tasty items that can really get a meal started. Next time I’m for sure going for the huitlacoche quesadilla ($14) made with that funky fungus found on corncobs that I hold close to my heart.

The empanada sampler will please any fans of this pasty-like snack. These are of the deep-fried variety, so you get a nice, crisp crust on the exterior. They also come bathed in a liberal dose of herbaceous salsa verde, rich crema and crumbly queso fresco. The sampler nets you shrimp, chicken, cheese and picadillo—a filling made from ground beef and potatoes— all on one plate. I’ve seen empanadas of all shapes and sizes, and I was happy to see that these were good, sandwich-sized offerings. My favorites were the shrimp and picadillo, but all four were delicious, and would be great to split among two or three people.

When I spotted the Enchiladas Flor de Calabaza, I was immediately enchanted

with the words “zucchini blossom pumpkin seed mole” in the dish’s description. It’s a vibrant dish slathered in rich orange mole and melted cheese before getting sprinkled with pumpkin seeds. The enchiladas themselves are stuffed with slices of grilled poblano peppers, onions and corn. Flavorwise, this is working with all kinds of autumnal energy. The mole is fantastic—lush and replete with subtle notes that are both nutty and sweet—but I found myself wishing the veggie filling had a bit more kick. I like poblanos, but perhaps they were a bit overdone. All the same, this is an excellent option for anyone looking for a vegetarian option when dining at Monarca.

For those stopping by for something quick, Monarca’s taco menu is a great place to hang. The current options on their ever-changing menu include variations with grilled octopus ($16), a mix of carne asada and shrimp ($21), and sweet potato tacos ($14) which can be served either vegetarian or vegan. Monarca does a nice job curating a menu that can be made vegan with a few requests to remove cheese, and the staff is always helpful with these types of recommendations.

In fact, the service in general at Monarca was stellar. Everyone I interacted with was full of menu recommendations that came from a true love of the food, and my orders always arrived at warp speed without any impediment to the food’s quality.

Now that I can trace a line between Sol Agave and Monarca, it’s making me think that Utah’s Mexican food scene continues to be full of tasty surprises. And when those tasty surprises come with housemade margaritas, I’ll be more than happy to continue my “research” into the subject. CW

2 Row Brewing

6856 S. 300 West, Midvale 2RowBrewing.com

Avenues Proper 376 8th Ave, SLC

avenuesproper.com

On Tap: Brunch BeerGrapefruit Wheat Ale

Bewilder Brewing

445 S. 400 West, SLC

BewilderBrewing.com

On Tap: Gluten Reduced Kolsch

Bohemian Brewery

94 E. Fort Union Blvd, Midvale BohemianBrewery.com

Bonneville Brewery

1641 N. Main, Tooele BonnevilleBrewery.com

On Tap: Peaches and Cream Ale

Craft by Proper

1053 E. 2100 So., SLC craftbyproper.com

On Tap: Whispers of the Primordial Sea - Smoked Pineapple Lager

Desert Edge Brewery

273 Trolley Square, SLC

DesertEdgeBrewery.com

On Tap: Out of Office Pale Ale

Epic Brewing Co.

825 S. State, SLC EpicBrewing.com

On Tap: Cross Fever Amber Ale

Fisher Brewing Co.

320 W. 800 South, SLC FisherBeer.com

On Tap: A rotation of up to 17 Fresh Beers!

Grid City Beer Works 333 W. 2100 South, SLC GridCityBeerWorks.com

On Tap: Extra Pale Ale

Hopkins Brewing Co. 1048 E. 2100 South, SLC HopkinsBrewingCompany.com

On Tap: Chili Mangose

Kiitos Brewing 608 W. 700 South, SLC KiitosBrewing.com

Level Crossing Brewing Co. 2496 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake LevelCrossingBrewing.com

On Tap: Kolsch (it’s back!)

Bingo: Wednesdays at 7pm

Moab Brewing 686 S. Main, Moab TheMoabBrewery.com

On Tap: Squeaky Bike Nut

Brown

Mountain West Cider 425 N. 400 West, SLC MountainWestCider.com

On Tap: Wet Hopped Cider

Offset Bier Co 1755 Bonanza Dr Unit C, Park City offsetbier.com/ On Tap: DOPO IPA

Ogden River Brewing 358 Park Blvd, Ogden OgdenRiverBrewing.com

On Tap: Injector Hazy IPA

Policy Kings Brewery 223 N. 100 West, Cedar City PolicyKingsBrewery.com

Prodigy Brewing 25 W Center St. Logan prodigy-brewing.com/

Proper Brewing 857 S. Main, SLC ProperBrewingCo.com

On Tap:

ThunderCougarFalconBirdAustralian Sparkling Ale

Red Rock Brewing 254 So. 200 West RedRockBrewing.com

On Tap: Gypsy Scratch

Red Rock Fashion Place 6227 So. State Redrockbrewing.com

On Tap: Munich Dunkel

Red Rock Kimball Junction Redrockbrewing.com 1640 Redstone Center On Tap: Bamberg Rauch Bier

RoHa Brewing Project 30 Kensington Ave, SLC RoHaBrewing.com

On Tap: Pillow Talk Hazy IPA

Roosters Brewing

Multiple Locations

RoostersBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Winter Blues Blueberry Hazy IPA

SaltFire Brewing

2199 S. West Temple, South Salt Lake

SaltFireBrewing.com

On Tap: Winter Camp - Cold IPA

Salt Flats Brewing 2020 Industrial Circle, SLC SaltFlatsBeer.com

On Tap: “RYE-T” Hand Turn - RYE IPA

Scion Cider Bar 916 Jefferson St W, SLC Scionciderbar.com

On Tap: Highpoint Sweater Weather 6% ABV

Shades Brewing 154 W. Utopia Ave, South Salt Lake ShadesBrewing.beer

On Tap: Tap & Tarot

Live Music: Thursdays

Shades On State 366 S. State Street SLC Shadesonstate.com

Karaoke: Wednesdays

Silver Reef 4391 S. Enterprise Drive, St. George StGeorgeBev.com

Squatters 147 W. Broadway, SLC Squatters.com

Strap Tank Brewery Multiple Locations StrapTankBrewery.com

Springville On Tap: PB Rider, Peanut Butter Stout

Lehi On Tap: 2-Stroke, Vanilla Mocha Porter

Stratford Proper 1588 Stratford Ave., SLC stratfordproper.com

On Tap: Yacht Rock Juice Box - Juicy IPA

TF Brewing 936 S. 300 West, SLC TFBrewing.com

On Tap: Edel Pils

Talisman Brewing Co. 1258 Gibson Ave, Ogden TalismanBrewingCo.com

On Tap: Mon Cheri- White Stout with Cherries

Uinta Brewing 1722 S. Fremont Drive, SLC UintaBrewing.com

On Tap: Was Angeles Craft Beer

UTOG 2331 Grant Ave, Ogden UTOGBrewing.com

On Tap: Lovely Lady Nitro Stout

Vernal Brewing 55 S. 500 East, Vernal VernalBrewing.com

Wasatch 2110 S. Highland Drive, SLC WasatchBeers.com

Zion Brewery 95 Zion Park Blvd, Springdale ZionBrewery.com

Zolupez 205 W. 29th Street #2, Ogden Zolupez.com

OPENING SOON!

Helper Beer 159 N Main Street Helper, UT 84526

Apex Brewing 2285 S Main Street Salt Lake City, UT 84115

Proper Brewing Moab 1393 US-191 Moab, Utah 84532 Grand Opening February 10th!

A list of what local craft breweries and cider houses have on tap this week

Blurred Lines

BY MIKE RIEDEL comments@cityweekly.net @utahbeer

Offset Bier - So Out, It’s In: Some people who are significantly smarter than us discovered how to flashfreeze wet hops straight from the bine before cryogenically pelletizing them, allowing the Park City-based brewery to create (and for you to enjoy) that delectable fresh hop character throughout the entire year.

The pour reveals peach juice coloring (beautiful dark orange-gold), fully opaque but not turbid, with an amazing soapy head of eggshell bubbles, nice head retention and fantastic lacing. There’s a wonderful creaminess to the liquid. It evokes a fairly mild nose, but what is there is lovely: lots of ripe fruits, especially orange, grapefruit, blueberries, pineapple, passionfruit, peach, grape, lemon/lime and mango. A nice dankness emerges, quite grassy, with a lovely floral quality, plus a little honeysuckle and bubble gum with a slight mineral note. Ripe orange comes on strong late, and the result is attractive and clean.

The taste is similarly multifaceted but semi-mild, though here the Juicy Fruit gum note makes its appearance. It brings more orange, grass and bubblegum than anything else, but there is a nice medley of fruit in the background, with berry and grapefruit popping through most distinctively. Overall, it’s mildly sweet, but with a strong grapefruit pith to balance out this 7.0 percent beer.

Verdict: Quite delicate and clean, but I appreciate it more and more (and pick up additional nuances) the longer I sip on it. It’s hard to compare it to the “hop bombs” that have taken over the hazy IPA world since New England breweries first started making beers like this.

This one doesn’t jump out at you, but is excellent for what it is. Wonderful ruby red grapefruit—pithy and sweet—lingers forever.

Bewilder - Low Hanging Phruit: This is a New Zealand-style pilsner made with Moutere, Nelson Savin and Nectaron hops, thiolized Lunar Crush yeast and house-blended lager yeast. And in case that’s not enough science, they also added a bit of Phantasm powder. Between this NZ hop blend, the thiol yeast and the Phantasm, I can promise that you’ve never had a Pilsner (NZ or otherwise) quite like this.

The liquid really does shine, bright gold and yellow in this unfiltered lager. Creamy white foam sits atop, with the consistency of a milk shake; the lace is intricate and sticky. The nose has a wild citrus-and-cream-style aroma, crushed white grapes, starfruit, tangy-edged mango, spicy earth and grain notes from the super-clean malt.

The Nelson hops are certainly unique, with a white wine and melon flavor combo that I find strange but very interesting. There is a certain level of drybitter earth tones in the finish that I really dig, and I love the simple, tasty, light and clean malt effect, grainy with an herbal and sharp tone. Mild and neutral lager yeast makes the hops really shine bright. Sour and sweet edged white grapes, mango and herbal citrus flavors seem to ride in waves, in and out. The mouthfeel and texture in this 5.0 percent lager is consistently excellent. Fresh, full, clean, dry, sometimes juicy, smooth—I mean it really is that complex.

Verdict: It feels like a New Englandstyle IPA with a dry white wine-style finish. If you can imagine a light, clean but dry effect, then you basically know what I’m talking about.

Generally the best place to find Offset’s beers is at the brewery; however, I managed to find quite a few of their offerings (including this beer) in 16-ounce cans at The Bayou in Salt Lake City. Low Hanging Phruit is available on draft and in 16-ounce cans at Bewilder. As always, cheers! CW

Your views on lagers and ales may soon be changing after trying this week’s beers.

MIKE RIEDEL

MIKE RIEDEL

BACK BURNER

BY ALEX SPRINGER | @captainspringer

Curling and Cocktails at the Hyatt Regency

With the unveiling of its sixth floor Sundance Terrace, the Downtown Hyatt Regency Hotel (170 S. West Temple, hyatt.com) recently announced its series of Curling and Cocktails events for February. Of course, by “curling” I am referring to the classic Winter Olympic sport where athletes hurl a stone down an icy lane while their ally follows along with a vigorous display of swabbing. Groups from two to eight people can book a curling lane from now until the first week of March, and each experience includes a drinks and snacks for all attendees. As the event is limited time only, you’ll want to book tickets ASAP via Eventbrite.

O Town Food Tours Launches in Ogden

If you’re like me and have been meaning to take a serious look at Ogden’s food scene in the near future, then you’ll want to check out O Town Food Tours (otownfoodtours.com). Not only does this walking tour feature five different Ogden restaurants, but attendees also get the rundown on Ogden’s history as the gem of Northern Utah. In between gourmet food at Table Twenty Five and chocolates at The Queen Bee, attendees will learn all about Ogden’s storied past as a hotbed of crime and political corruption, and its role in Prohibition, along with its rise to the charming small town with big ideas that it is today. Tours typically run from Tuesday to Thursday, and can be booked via the O Town Food Tours website.

Chocolate Lovers Festival at Solitude

For 30 years, Solitude Ski Resort (12000 Big Cottonwood Canyon, solitudemountain.com) has been hosting the Chocolate Lovers Festival, and it’s time for local choco-vores to hit the slopes once more. This event features a bevy of local chocolatiers and sweet shops who prepare to serve attendees confection after confection while they enjoy the crisp mountain air, or do some skiing after they fill up on chocolates—which is not recommended. Along the way, you’ll get the chance to enter raffles for additional prizes which will be announced at the end of the festival. It’s all going down on Feb. 11 from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m., and tickets are available via Solitude’s website.

Quote of the Week: “Chocolate is a gift of love to yourself.” –Sonja Blumenthal

Something for Everyone

Ambedo enjoys being a singer/songwriter by day, happy hardcore DJ by night.

BY EMILEE ATKINSON eatkinson@cityweekly.net @emileelovesvinyl

Oftentimes musical artists don’t want to be confined to one certain box. They love to branch out and create different types of music, blending genres at times. For Brandon Keith, AKA Ambedo, constructing different sounds is a passion. By day, he’s a gentle singer/songwriter serenading you with an acoustic guitar. By night, he turns it to eleven and plays some of the most hardcore dance music in SLC.

Sometimes bands and singers don’t put a lot of thought into what they call themselves, and sometimes they do. Singer/songwriter Brandon Keith wanted his name to reflect him as an artist, while also sounding artsy and appealing. “Ambedo” means to be fully engrossed in a singular moment.

“I Googled it, I liked it. I thought it fit kind of with what I was going for with my music vibe,” Ambedo said. His music does have a slight melancholic sound to it, allowing deep emotions and subject matter to come through on stripped-back, soft songs that emphasize his voice and acoustic guitar.

His most recent single, “Moving” showcases this delicate sound and is paired with deep lyrics that many can relate to. “It’s funny because it was one of those songs at the time I wrote it because I was moving,” he said. In all the hustle and bustle of physically moving, he realized how much he was moving emotionally. “I was not in a great relationship, I moved four or five times in a single year, I was moving on from that bad relationship, and I was moving on from personal issues. Moving on from mental health issues including depression and actually started going to therapy,” he said. “Just moving on and making choices and moving past obstacles that were in front of me.”

The track morphed into this anthem of needing to move forward and trying not to get stuck for too long. “I really wanted just to get that across from the song that things

can really suck, but as long as you’re moving, it’s probably good,” he said.

Ambedo enjoys making subtler, softer tracks because they allow room for listeners to hone in on personal, heartfelt stories. “I feel like a lot of meaning and stuff can get lost in a messy punk track,” he said. “I kind of want people to listen to the lyrics a little more, kind of get the idea that I’m coming across.” Some songs, like “Moving,” take months for Ambedo to write, while others like his track “Freddie Mercury” were written in a day. “I was just at a house party that I wasn’t having a ton of fun at, and so I just went into my friend’s bedroom and was playing on his guitar,” he said.

While heartfelt acoustic tracks speak to Ambedo on a deep level, he also loves to dabble in other genres, specifically hardcore dance music. Ambedo has partnered up with local label ETAin45 to bring more hardcore punktastic dance tracks to SLC. “We think SLC is the perfect place for this kinda music given our history with punk in general,” he said. “I mean, SLC Punk! is a classic staple in our world and it changed my life. Salt Lake has a beautiful punk community.” The music that Ambedo and the studio are looking to make is fast, getting up to 170-200 beats per minute and has kicks that are a lot harder. “I’ve listened to it my whole life because old school video-game music is really fast, and I enjoy that,” he said.

This is a fun juxtaposition for Ambedo. He enjoys creating different types of music that appeal to different listeners. He affectionately describes himself as a singer/ songwriter by day and happy hardcore DJ by night on his

Instagram profile. Ambedo loves writing songs but also has copious experience with producing music. “It’s exciting for me because I have just always been making this music. I think on my production side I just kind of let anything happen. I will make a song out of the sound of trains, I don’t care,” he said. Ambedo is looking forward to bringing more of this sound to SLC and to be creating it himself, letting the creative juices flow in more than one way and one genre.

Ambedo is set to have a busy 2023, not only releasing a concept album with ETAin45, but also still focusing on acoustic work that will hopefully be dropping this summer. A big goal for this year is to also spend more time producing with friends and helping others get their music out there. “I do a music day here in my own studio where I’ll get musicians who maybe don’t know how to finish their song, or they just don’t have enough musical knowledge to write,” he explained. “So I bring them in here, and I just help them make the song that they’re trying to make using my studio. Hoping to do a lot more of that. That was my favorite thing to do last year, was to help people produce stuff.”

Whether Ambedo is singing a sincere, earnest track on guitar, or producing heavy-hitting dance projects, he hopes that listeners know that he puts his all into creating music. “I only ever write about stuff that I genuinely care about, and I hope people relate to it. I’m not trying to be anything else besides Ambedo,” he said. “Your mom probably really enjoys my acoustic stuff. Your little brother loves my DJ stuff.” CW

Ambedo NICK CHASE

THURSDAYS

FRIDAYS DJ FRESH(NESS)

SATURDAYS

POKER @ 2PM DJ DELMAGGIO

SHARK SUNDAYS POOL TOURNEY HOSTED BY JARED AND TANNER

MONDAYS REGGAE MONDAY WITH DJ NAPO

TUESDAYS

WEDNESDAYS KARAOKE

By Emilee Atkinson

We Came as Romans, ERRA, Brand of Sacrifice @ The Complex 2/10

Fans of the metalcore genre are likely to know We Came as Romans; their long career beginning in the early aughts has brought them millions of streams, and fans are still getting new music from the iconic group. We Came as Romans are embarking on a headlining tour in celebration of their latest release Darkbloom, an album the group is thrilled to be sharing with the world, especially as they recover from the loss of bandmate Kyle Pavone in 2018. “I hate saying the usual stuff that a lot of bands say about ‘It’s our best record!’ but I will say that we’ve had the most to write about, with Kyle passing and then really having time to stew on it and think about it over the couple of years that we weren’t allowed to tour, because of the pandemic,” vocalist Dave Stephens told Kerrang! last October. “We had a lot of inspiration, and a lot of feelings and emotion, plus the time to make everything perfect. I don’t know that we’ve ever felt so great about a record, and so proud of one. I think our fans will really dig it.” Joining We Came as Romans are fellow metalheads ERRA and Brand of Sacrifice. Come headbang to your heart’s content on Friday, Feb 10 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show are $27.50 and can be found at thecomplexslc.com. (Emilee Atkinson)

Rubblebucket, Spaceface @ The Commonwealth Room 2/10

Following the release of their 2022 album Earth Worship, Brooklyn’s own Rubblebucket is bringing their songs of sunshine to frosty SLC on Friday, Feb. 10 at the Commonwealth Room. Primarily a two-piece project composed of Annakalmia Traver and Alex Toth, the pair specializes in sparkly songs that twinkle until you can’t stop your feet from tip-tapping and your hips from swinging and swaying. Earth Worship carries this intoxicating indie-pop energy throughout the album, yet still feels sophisticated—almost conceptual—as primarily chock-full of snappy ballads that honor the earth, in all its ever-changing, brightly-colored glory. Singing out splashy descriptions of critters, shapes and seasons brought to life fully with their joyful electronic harmonies, Rubblebucket gleefully ties the essence of the earth closely to the human desire for love. While this description at first glance may seem like an inaccessible, daunting, or extremely prog-y piece of work, Earth Worship remains above all else a fabulously fun, dance-hall days record that just begs to be performed live. Although Rubblebucket seems to successfully evade the question of genre or classification, it feels safe to say that dedicated patrons of Belle and Sebastian, Kimya Dawson, Pomplamoose and St. Vincent will find themselves infatuated with the dynamic duo. Be sure to scamper over there on time to catch the opening act, the Memphisbased Spaceface, a fizzy, soda-pop psychedelic act that will get your bones a-shakin’ in time for the headliners. Doors for the 21+ show open at 7 p.m., and music starts at 8 p.m. Tickets are $25 and can be found online at thestateroompresents.com. (Sophie Caligiuri)

Rubblebucket DAVID KA

Quasi, Yuvees, Transmitter @ Kilby Court 2/11

Couple Janet Weiss and Sam Coones have been cementing themselves as indie rock icons in the Pacific Northwest since 1993. The duo has a pretty hefty back catalog, but hasn’t released a full album in a decade for a myriad of reasons, including a particularly awful car accident and, of course, that little thing called COVID. It was pretty dark there for a while, not knowing how live events would fare, and it was hard to grasp these scary ideas. “There’s no investing in the future anymore,” Weiss says on the duo’s Sub Pop profile. “The future is now. Do it now if you want to do it. Don’t put it off. All those things you only realize when it’s almost too late. It could be gone in a second.” Of course, with all of this new-found time, it was the perfect time to hunker down and get the creative juices flowing, and that was exactly what Quasi did. “When you’re younger and in a band, you make records because that’s what you do,” Coones said. “But this time, the whole thing felt purposeful in a way that was unique to the circumstances.” Joining the indie icons are Yuvees and SLC group Transmitter, who are bringing their intriguing biodigital jazz to the mix. Catch this fun lineup on Saturday, Feb 11 at 7 p.m. Tickets for the all-ages show are $18 before and $20 the day of the show. Buy tickets at kilbycourt.com. (EA)

Jacob Westfall, Buried Giant, Bly Wallentine @ DLC 2/12

Heading over to the Mountain West again this week, Jacob Westfall has made a name for himself with his tender and sincere ballads. After getting a start on American Idol back in 2018, the singer/songwriter has been building up a catalog of peaceful and heartfelt songs that range from slow and delicate acoustic tracks to more bluesy rock anthems. “When performing he shares his story through genuine songwriting, powerhouse vocals, and pristine arrangements—regaling his tales of love, goodbyes, new friendships and serial optimism through a tradition of alternative soundscapes and folk authenticity in a pop-style package with a rock & roll attitude,” according to Westfall’s online bio. Joining Westfall are two SLC acts, Buried Giant and Bly Wallentine. Buried Giant released their debut EP Swallow the Sun in

summer 2022, and have been building a following through live shows. The EP is perfect for fans who love a good jazzy blues number with strong vocals and vivid storytelling. Rounding out the lineup is Wallentine, a creative and exciting artist who makes a little bit of everything. They can be found creating soundscapes from acoustic instruments including guitar and banjo, or you can be transported through a psychedelic adventure with electronic and disco elements. Their latest album I Found My Foot :) dropped in December, and is a trippy fun adventure worth exploring. Check out this delightful lineup on Sunday, Feb 12 at 8 p.m. Tickets for the 21+ show are $10 and can be found at quartersslc.com. (EA)

Magic City Hippies, CAPYAC @ The Commonwealth Room2/13

Whoever said that beach-bum funk would never evolve into mainstream pop never anticipated Magic City Hippies and electronic synths. Their breakout single, “Fanfare” from their Hippie Castle EP, takes us from jaunting down the sidewalk to skipping with our hands in our pockets, smiling at strangers. Groovy bass lines, sunshiney keys, provocative brass and hazy vocals bring together an approachable, fun concoction ready for bopping with a partner or making a coffee run. The destination concert for Magic City Hippies finds us on a modest yacht at dusk, sunglasses still on, cold drink in hand, surrounded by laughter that sways with the waves. The breeze flutters open your shirt while, “BRNT feat. EMEFE Horns,” guides you through the perfect first impression with the perfect person. A good time is easy to find with the right soundtrack; Magic City Hippies doesn’t demand to be on that soundtrack, though anyone who has heard them will gladly put them there and it is sincerely our pleasure. Faster than most beach-bum funk, their quick basslines give us space to dance, whether withheld to a head bob or, if you’re anything like me, spreading to spaghetti arms and shaky knees, and I get the feeling that Magic City Hippies would be grinning ear to ear to watch. Light, positive music doesn’t always get its shine, but this is a case where we absolutely have to. Magic City Hippies are coming to The Commonwealth Room, Feb. 13 at 8 p.m. Tickets are $27 here, axs.com for the 21+ show. (Caleb Daniel)

Heroin Pain

Oxys NAXOLONE IS LEGAL AND IT SAVES

Back to Normal

By Cole Fullmer - Salt Baked CIty

The most important thing in life to 28-year-old Kateari Cesspooch is being a great mom to her nine children she shares with Filipe Kaufusi. She literally lives to see her kids smile – a characteristic to which most mother’s in Utah can appreciate and relate.

Keeping a smile on the young mother’s face was a far more difficult task. Another familiar trait many stressed moms can relate to.

Being a mother isn’t always fun. The birth of a baby can trigger powerful emotions, ranging from excitement and joy, to fear and anxiety. It can also result in something far more unexpected – depression.

Postpartum, or “baby blues” affects most new mothers, and commonly include mood swings, crying spells, difficulty sleeping and anxiety. Baby blues typically start within the first two or three days after a delivery, but should only last up to two weeks. Cesspooch had been experiencing these symptoms for over a year after giving birth to her last child during 2017, and she wasn’t feeling like herself anymore.

While suffering from postpartum depression, the young mother could feel the stresses of life taking away the role she loved best – and for this tribal member living on the Uintah and Ouray reservation located in Northeastern Utah – that wasn’t an option she was willing to live with.

Cesspooch, who is part of the Navajo Nation tribe, says being a good mother runs in her genes. In fact, the practice of mothering is deeply embedded in the Indigenous communities, and is reflected in how they refer to the Earth herself. In their language, Earth is Mother, and the one who gave us all life. Cesspooch says she wasn’t providing that kind life for her children, or herself anymore – and it hurt badly. She needed to get the smiles back on her family’s faces, but she didn’t know how, or where to start.

Some say that you need to make yourself happy before you can have that effect on others, and so her journey for happiness began.

During the summer of 2018, her depression and anxiety conditions worsened. Cesspooch and her family loaded up in the car to visit her mother in New Mexico. It was the only place she felt like she could find a remedy for her growing problem.

“I was a complete mess when I got into the car for that trip,” Cesspooch said with a smile on her face from the comfort of her home near Roosevelt. “It’s fair to say that I was a completely different person that day than I am now. The change didn’t happen overnight, but it happened pretty quick and it’s all thanks to what we unexpectedly found on that trip.”

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free will ASTROLOGY

BY ROB BREZSNY

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

During my quest for advice that might be helpful to your love life, I plucked these words of wisdom from author Sam Kean: “Books about relationships talk about how to ‘get’ the love you need, how to ‘keep’ love, and so on. But the right question to ask is, ‘How do I become a more loving human being?’” In other words, Aries, here’s a prime way to enhance your love life: Be less focused on what others can give you and more focused on what you can give to others. Amazingly, that’s likely to bring you all the love you want.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

You have the potential to become even more skilled at the arts of kissing and cuddling and boinking than you already are. How? Here are some possibilities. 1. Explore fun experiments that will transcend your reliable old approaches to kissing and cuddling and boinking. 2. Read books to open your mind. I like Margot Anand’s The New Art of Sexual Ecstasy 3. Ask your partner(s) to teach you everything about what turns them on. 4. Invite your subconscious mind to give you dreams at night that involve kissing and cuddling and boinking. 5. Ask your lover(s) to laugh and play and joke as you kiss and cuddle and boink.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

You are an Italian wolf searching for food in the Apennine Mountains. You’re a red-crowned crane nesting in a wetland in the Eastern Hokkaido region of Japan. You’re an olive tree thriving in a salt marsh in southern France, and you’re a painted turtle basking in a pool of sunlight on a beach adjoining Lake Michigan. And much, much more. What I’m trying to tell you, Gemini, is that your capacity to empathize is extra strong right now. Your smart heart should be so curious and open that you will naturally feel an instinctual bond with many life forms, including a wide array of interesting humans. If you’re brave, you will allow your mind to expand to experience telepathic powers. You will have an unprecedented knack for connecting with simpatico souls.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

My Cancerian friend Juma says, “We have two choices at all times: creation or destruction. Love creates and everything else destroys.” Do you agree? She’s not just talking about romantic love, but rather love in all forms, from the urge to help a friend, to the longing to seek justice for the dispossessed, to the compassion we feel for our descendants. During the next three weeks, your assignment is to explore every nuance of love as you experiment with the following hypothesis: To create the most interesting and creative life for yourself, put love at the heart of everything you do.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

I hope you get ample chances to enjoy deep soul kisses in the coming weeks. Not just perfunctory smooches and pecks on the cheeks, but full-on intimate sensual exchanges. Why do I recommend this? How could the planetary positions be interpreted to encourage a specific expression of romantic feeling? I’ll tell you, Leo: The heavenly omens suggest you will benefit from exploring the frontiers of wild affection. You need the extra sweet, intensely personal communion that comes best from the uninhibited mouthto-mouth form of tender sharing. Here’s what Leo poet Diane di Prima said: “There are as many kinds of kisses as there are people on earth, as there are permutations and combinations of those people. No two people kiss alike—no two people f—k alike—but somehow the kiss is more personal, more individualized than the f—k.”

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Borrowing the words of poet Oriah from her book The Dance: Moving to the Deep Rhythms of Your Life, I’ve prepared a love note for you to use as your own this Valentine season. Feel free to give these words to the person whose destiny needs to be woven more closely together with yours. Oriah writes, “Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be someday. Show me you can risk being at peace with the way things are right now. Show me how you follow your

deepest desires, spiraling down into the ache within the ache. Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance, the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.”

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

Libran author Walter Lippman wrote, “The emotion of love is not self-sustaining; it endures only when lovers love many things together, and not merely each other.” That’s great advice for you during the coming months. I suggest that you and your allies—not just your romantic partners, but also your close companions—come up with collaborative projects that inspire you to love many things together. Have fun exploring and researching subjects that excite and awaken and enrich both of you.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Scorpio writer Paul Valéry wrote, “It would be impossible to love anyone or anything one knew completely. Love is directed towards what lies hidden in its object.” My challenge to you is to test this hypothesis. Do what you can to gain more knowledge of the people and animals and things you love. Uncover at least some of what’s hidden. All the while, monitor yourself to determine how your research affects your affection and care. Contrary to what Valéry said, I’m guessing this will enhance and exalt your love.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

In his book Unapologetically You motivational speaker Steve Maraboli writes, “I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” That’s always good advice, but I believe it should be your inspirational axiom in the coming weeks. More than ever, you now have the potential to forever transform your approach to relationships. You can shift away from wanting your allies to be different from what they are and make a strong push to love them just as they are.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

I analyzed the astrological omens. Then I scoured the internet, browsed through 22 books of love poetry and summoned memories of my best experiences of intimacy. These exhaustive efforts inspired me to find the words of wisdom that are most important for you to hear right now. They are from poet Rainer Maria Rilke (translated by Stephen Mitchell): “For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been entrusted to us, the ultimate task, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.”

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

To get the most out of upcoming opportunities for intimacy, intensify your attunement to and reverence for your emotions. As quick and clever as your mind can be, sometimes it neglects to thoroughly check in with your heart. And I want your heart to be wildly available when you get ripe chances to open up and deepen your alliances. Study these words from psychologist Carl Jung: “We should not pretend to understand the world only by the intellect; we apprehend it just as much by feeling. Therefore, the judgment of the intellect is, at best, only the half of truth, and must, if it be honest, also come to an understanding of its inadequacy.”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

“In love there are no vacations. Love has to be lived fully with its boredom and all that.” Author and filmmaker Marguerite Duras said that, and now I convey it to you—just in time for a phase of your astrological cycle when boredom and apathy could and should evolve into renewed interest and revitalized passion. But there is a caveat: If you want the interest and passion to rise and surge, you will have to face the boredom and apathy; you must accept them as genuine aspects of your relationship; you will have to cultivate an amused tolerance of them. Only then will they burst in full glory into renewed interest and revitalized passion.

ACROSS

1. Go “pfft”

4. Likely will, after “is”

9. “You get a car, and you get a car!”

speaker

14. Molecule in many COVID vaccines

15. India’s first prime minister

16. Shoes worn in many drag shows

17. Extra NBA periods

18. Fish with a rainbow variety

19. Pro Football Hall of Fame receiver Michael

20. 1969 Toots and the Maytals tune that Rolling Stone magazine once listed among its 500 Greatest Songs of All Time

23. Like squirrel tails

24. Bach’s “Mass ____ Minor”

25. AOC or JFK, e.g.

28. Garfield’s drooling frenemy

29. Sweater-wearing television star

33. Titular warrior princess

34. Golf ball’s path

35. ‘90s hip-hop lover’s purchase

36. Signs of spring

40. Prop in a legal drama

43. Capture

44. ____-masochist

48. Cheapest Airbnb option, usually

51. Curling ____

52. Jazz trumpeter Adderley

53. Year George W. Bvsh was sworn in?

54. “Betta Getta ____” (Volkswagen ad campaign)

55. End-to-beginning, say ... or what’s found in 20-, 29-, 36- and 48-across

59. Costa ____ (Panamanian’s neighbor)

62. Lounges in the bathtub

63. Paul Anka’s “____ Beso”

64. “The Kiss” painter Gustav

65. Lauder of cosmetics

66. Admit (to)

67. Green-lights

68. Poor

69. Number on a foam finger DOWN

1. Big name in cloud storage

2. Ruin a private moment

3. Enters gradually

4. On pins and needles

5. Home to the oldest continuously operating university in the Americas

6. Film role for Chris Hemsworth

7. “Good point”

Game Time

In one week, NBA basketball fans will be tuning into the All-Star game, hosted here in Salt Lake City on Sunday, Feb. 19. They’ll see the Vivint Arena, one of the smallest in the country, squeezing in fans, players, coaches, support staff, owners and VIPs.

Every year, I like to bring my brother to Salt Lake City to see a Jazz game, so I was curious to see what ticket prices were for this event. LOL!

When I checked a few months ago, the seats in the sky ranged from $3,000 to $5,000, and those on the floor were going for a mere $45,000. Not kidding! If you wanted to impress someone and take them to the game to sit behind Team LeBron or Team Giannis, you’d be out just under $100 grand.

8. Bested

9. Like seven of the 12 U.S. presidents between 1869 and 1923

10. ____ walk

11. Cause to go “Vroom!”

12. Comedian Wong

13. QVC alternative

21. Harry who voices Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Mr. Burns and others on

“The Simpsons”

22. GI’s chill time

25. ____ talk

26. “The Lord of the Rings” beast

27. Drug in Michael Pollan’s “How to Change Your Mind”

29. It’s hot until it’s not

30. Basic education trio, informally

49. Sloths’ workplace in “Zootopia”

50. German chocolate brand

54. “The Outlaw ____ Wales” (1976 Clint Eastwood film)

55. Hulu series about the son of Egyptian immigrants

56. Stood up

57. Kind of sauce made with peanuts

58. Just got (by)

59. Big Five studio of Hollywood’s Golden Age

60. Variety

61. “Zero Dark Thirty” org.

Last week’s answers

Apart from the game itself, Salt Lake City will make sure to put on a good show. Locals can catch a free snowboarding competition called “GRIT Rail Jam” on Feb. 17-18 at the Gateway Mall, and there are free concerts and art shows at Gallivan Plaza Feb. 17-19 from 1-10 p.m. daily (open to all ages) and a free ongoing hoops contest Fridays through Sundays at Trolley Square, similar to the Pop-a-Shot game.

Look for other events under $50— just Google “NBA All-Star Weekend events” for more info.

What visitors might not see are the lines of tents housing the homeless along North Temple and around the Gateway. Police presence will no doubt be amped up around Trax stations and the arena as I imagine city officials will direct police to keep our homeless hidden from TV cameras and visitors during the All-Star Weekend.

On the flip side, visitors will see how vibrant our downtown is with all the cranes in the air. The Astra tower (at 200 South and State Street) is 15 stories up, with 24 more to go. It will be the tallest building downtown when completed.

Data Scientist (Salt Lake City, UT) Identify the dataanalytics problems that offer the opportunities to the organization. Maintain a data lake using AWS EC2, Step Functions, Athena, S3, RDS, Docker & others. Design & develop machine learning pipeline using AWS Step Functions, Lambda, Glue & others. WFH will be considered. 40hrs/week, Bachelor’s Degree in Statistics, Mathematics or related required. Resume to Wrench Artificial Intelligence, Inc. Attn: Daniel Baird, 1387 E 3010 S, Salt Lake City, UT 84106

SUDOKU X

Complete the grid so that each row, column, diagonal and 3x3 square contain all of the numbers

1 to 9. No math is involved. The grid has numbers, but nothing has to add up to anything else. Solve the puzzle with reasoning and logic. Solving time is typically 10 to 30 minutes, depending on your skill and experience.

Next is the site of the old Tavernacle piano bar on 300 South and 400 East— now home to a 31-story building that’s about 15% up in the air so far. And previous visitors will be impressed with the new Hyatt Regency hotel attached to the Salt Palace that features terrific bars and restaurants.

City Creek Mall tenants are drooling at the potential for increased sales, but probably sad they can’t be open on Sunday—and this particular Sunday— for guests to do some shopping before the big game.

The state is also going to show how “normal” Utahns are by opening a temporary state liquor store within the Salt Palace Convention Center—but only for three days during the NBA AllStar Weekend.

That’s a first, and the Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Services (DABS) says the pop-up store was approved because parking at the downtown liquor store on 400 South is hell. They’re right about that—it is.

NBA fans flying in might gasp at how much the Great Salt Lake has shrunk, or how much snowpack we have on the slopes. Hopefully, we won’t be sporting an inversion that week! n

NEWS of the WEIRD

BY THE EDITORS AT ANDREWS MCMEEL

New World Order

Sure, your fancy SUV may have ventilated seats and Wi-Fi, but does it have electrified door handles? The Guardian reported on Jan. 25 that a new vehicle has hit the market targeted at the particularly fearful driver—the Rezvani Vengeance. Costing up to $499,000, the Vengeance has bulletproof glass, strobe lights, wing mirrors that emit pepper spray and no back windshield—instead, the driver can monitor a live video stream of what’s going on behind the car. The vehicle is sure to win you a popularity contest in the pickup lane at your kid’s school, the Vengeance also has a loudspeaker so you can call out to little Timmy without even leaving the safety of your seat. Extras include bulletproof vests, helmets and gas masks. The Irvine, California, company teases potential buyers on the website: “Vengeance is yours.” Wow.

Dream Job

Five lucky participants will clear a cool $1,000 to do what they wanted to do anyway: Eat cheese before bedtime. Fox5-TV reported that Sleep Junkie, a mattress review website, hopes to test the legend that eating cheese before bed causes nightmares, so they’re asking so-called “dairy dreamers” to consume a wide variety of cheeses, log their sleep and provide feedback about sleep quality, energy levels and bad dreams. The best part? Participants will also be reimbursed for the cost of the cheese they eat! The only catch: You have to sleep alone.

Police Report

A 31-year-old woman was charged with two counts of robbery and possession of a weapon (ahem) on Jan. 22 in Winnipeg, Manitoba, after a puzzling attempt to steal a pizza, the CBC reported. Around 3 a.m., she allegedly entered a crowded restaurant and demanded a pizza, brandishing a firecracker as a threat. She was denied the pie, so she lit the firework and ran off with a pizza. Outside the restaurant, she got into a cab, but the driver asked her to get out because she was being belligerent. When the driver stepped out of the car, she jumped into his seat and took off, dragging the 54-year-old several meters down the street. Officers caught up with the stolen cab and caught the pizza thief when she became stuck in a snowbank.

That Rule Doesn’t Apply to Me

A dump truck driver in Contra Costa County, California, either couldn’t read or didn’t care to read when he barreled through a road closure barricade on Jan. 23, KTVU-TV reported, and ended up with his front left wheel in a sinkhole. The “road closed” sign was found beneath his vehicle, and the driver escaped without injury. Excessive rains have caused “flooding, mudslides, sinkholes and other issues” in the area, county officials noted.

Bright Idea

If you’re looking for a crafty project to work on during 2023, the online shop Savor has you covered, Slate

reported. For the low, low price of $46.95, you can put together your own “In Case I Go Missing” binder, which Savor says “makes it super easy for the true-crime obsessed to record their key stats for their loved ones.”

Those key facts include medical and financial information, fingerprints and lists of regular “hangout spots.”

One woman said she added “a hair sample just in case they need it for DNA testing.” Elizabeth Jeglic, a professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, soothingly says, “The majority of adults will not go missing or be kidnapped.” Her colleague Patrick McLaughlin offers some useful ideas for the kit, though: recent photos; the unlock code for your phone; pictures of tattoos, scars or birthmarks; even handwriting samples—but he also warns that such binders might not be admissible as evidence in court.

That Guy

Dennis Garsjo, 73, of Glasgow, Montana, may not know your name when he greets you on the street, but he’ll call out to you anyway, using your birthday. “Top of the morning to ya, April 11,” he might say, according to KRTV. Garsjo has memorized more than 3,000 birthdays and says he came by the talent naturally. “My mother remembered all our relatives’ birthdays before she started getting dementia,” he said. “I don’t think my talent is all that special. I’m more impressed by musicians who can play a song from memory on the piano.” Still, residents of Prairie Ridge Village, where he works, enjoy The Birthday Guy, as he’s known, and he loves surprising people with their special day.

Clothing Optional

■ Brittney Marie Reynolds, 35, entered St. Mary’s Cathedral in chilly Fargo, North Dakota, on Jan. 24 and was seen on security camera footage knocking over a potted plant, then approaching a large statue of Jesus on the wall, according to KMOV-TV. She ripped the statue from the wall and threw it to the floor, then headed back out—all while topless and shoeless, in temps under 20 degrees. Rev. Riley Durkin called police, who caught up with Reynolds as she bolted across the street. Officers noted that she wasn’t able to answer questions and appeared to be under the influence of a substance.

■ Meanwhile, in willful disobedience of every mother’s “wear clean underwear” edict, Timothy O’Rourke of Danville, New Hampshire, crashed his car on Jan. 25 and ran from the scene, wearing nary a stitch of clothing. WHDH-TV reported that officers found O’Rourke “running behind Main Street homes wearing no clothes and coated in his own blood.” He was charged with DWI and resisting arrest, and presumably given some jail garb to wear.

Send your weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.