purposeful parenting JIM JACKSON
Finding God in the chaos It can be a great challenge to remember that the struggles we face with our children do not define us or the children. In the daily grind of menus and schedules and homework and messes and fights and more messes, we tend to forget that in Christ, we are defined by a greater Reality than our circumstances. I vividly remember an epiphany of forgetting. It was when we took our first “family vacation.” With eagerness and optimism, we had hit the road for the first time as a family of five (yes, the Jackson five!). I remember feeling deeply blessed as we pulled away. The kids were tucked safely and happily into car seats, ready for a dreamy ride through the night. My
beautiful bride was at my side. We got a great reduced price on a rented conversion van to soften the stress of our 12hour drive, and we were headed to what the photos depicted as a spacious condo in the Ozarks. God was surely lighting our path with the favor of His presence. Thick, late-night fog turned 12 hours of driving into 16. The kids whined and cried through the night, and the car ride was miserable. Upon arrival, we were all fit to be tied. The cramped condo belied the photos and increased the stress. On the first day, the kids got sick, the weather turned cold and rainy, and the pool was closed. Some vacation. By the third day, I was a mess. Too crabby for anyone’s good, I took a walk to protect myself and my family from the monster that was me. The walk turned quickly into an all-out run to get me far away from the mayhem. At the end of my sprint on a rocky dirt road was a metal real estate sign swinging back and forth in the cold misty wind. I heaved to catch my breath in rhythm with the sign. As my breathing slowed, the sign did not, reminding me that back at the condo the mayhem carried on. I picked up a rock at the roadside and hurled it at the sign. The release felt good. The clash of rock on metal strangely satisfied. I did it again. And again and again. I hurled rocks until my
arm hurt, and the sign was pummeled with dents. Then the floodgates opened. I cried out, “God, where are you?” At the side of the road, the battered sign kept swinging. I have since understood that like the sign, circumstances beyond my control will never stop swinging. But swinging signs do not define me, because God is right there with me in the middle of them. This is the Reality that defines. God’s presence really never does leave or forsake us. Even that day on the road God was speaking. I didn’t hear Him just then but even in my desire to run away, God was showing me my desire for Him. In the longings for peace, for joy, for reconciled relationships and circumstances unencumbered by the sludge of life’s messes, I long for union with the Maker of my soul. The evidence of this is that I can look back on it now and smile. Say it out loud, “I really do long for God.” Continue—as a prayer. “You never leave me or forsake me.” This is what defines us. It is permanent and unchanging. It may be awhile but if you keep bringing these thoughts and words to your struggle, you too will smile. And one other thing. Don’t call trips with kids “vacations.” Vacations evoke images of peace and rest. We’re bound to be let down by such expectations when youngsters are in tow. Call them adventures. Then, if you happen to get a little peace and rest, you can smile some more. Jim Jackson is the cofounder of Connected Families, author, speaker and parent mentor. Learn more at www. connectedfamilies.org. May 2014 | REFRESHED
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