F
or many students and their parents, the start of the school year also marks the arrival of new schedules, routines, and academic expectations. Whether the fall semester sees your child buying their own lunch for the first time or dealing with the pressures of high school exams, the way that they cope with these transition periods can have a huge impact on their psychological, social, and academic well-being. But while parents should always keep an eye out for potential adjustment issues, there are stages in the school journey that can present more acute problems. Children advancing to the next stage of their education, such as making the move up from kindergarten, elementary, middle, or high school, are particularly prone to feeling unsettled both at school and at home. Some may even be changing curricula or between international and local schools, both of which can seriously disrupt their personal development.
So What’s New? Starting at a new school can be difficult. New classmates, teachers, and environments may be problematic for children of all ages, especially if they are naturally more introverted than others. Besides the more obvious hurdles, there are a number of other issues to contend with. Going from being the oldest in a school to the youngest or from being at the top of the class to a more competitive environment can all cause anxiety and affect a child’s emotional welfare. In many cases, however, differences in routines and expectations lie at the heart of adjustment problems. This is especially the case for younger children, for whom the greatest changes may take the form of new activities and responsibilities. Although it is all a natural part of growing up, the prospect of school assemblies, longer days, stricter rules, or the introduction of activities such as swimming or IT can be daunting. It may take some time to adapt to new schedules. This was something that Canadian and beijingkids Board Member Victor Wong found when his youngest son Ethan, now 9 years old, started his first year of elementary school. “He had to be more organized and there were lots of new things to do each day, like taking the bus,” Wong says. “Individually, the new duties weren’t too difficult. But when you combine them, it adds up to a lot of adjustment.” Beyond the restructuring of the daily routine, the expectations placed on children invariably grow as they progress up the school ladder. Wong discovered that moving from the play-orientated focus of kindergarten to a more formal learning environment required some preparation. “At kindergarten, all Ethan had to do was run around,” he says. “But then he found he had to start taking responsibility for himself. He is a super energetic kid and I literally had to practice sitting down with him!” For older children, growing expectations can be even more severe. While they too will have to deal with new classmates, teachers, and surroundings, they will also face the increasing academic rigor that unfolds at each stage of education. Preparation for exams and the introduction of a broader range of subjects both have the potential to act as stress triggers. These worries were amplified for Wong when his eldest son, also called Victor, decided that he wanted to move from an international elementary to a Chinese middle school. The differences in curriculum, teaching style, and – most problematically – language were profound. “When he started Chinese school, he understood almost nothing,” recalls Wong. “It was the pace, the teaching – everything. We underestimated just how different the system was going to be and the local
Feature schools have their own curriculum and styles. But it does work. My son’s doing really well and not only that, he’s happy and adjusted.”
Warning Signs Although both of Victor’s sons had the determination and flexibility to adapt, many children will struggle regardless of their age or the nature of the changes they undergo. It is inevitable that some will find the transition more difficult, according to Dr. Rob Blinn, a clinical psychologist at Beijing United Family Hospital. “Whether we’re preschoolers or high schoolers, when human beings are faced with new situations, we have to learn to adapt and some of us do better than others,” he explains. Every child will react differently during transition periods but there are some signals to be aware of. Problems with behavior, mood, and motivation can all emerge from the stress and uncertainty of change. “The main warning signs are things like isolation, acting out, aggression towards other kids, or more anxious behavior,” says Dr. Blinn. “You may also see developmental regression. So with a younger child, you could find that although they were pretty good with [toilet training], they start to wet their pants once or twice a week.” Parents with older children may experience more subtle shifts in attitude, such as eye rolling, grumpiness, and irritability. But with age comes the ability to hide problems, so simply looking for these symptoms is not enough. Moreover, drops in achievement or difficulty making friends may not manifest themselves in noticeable ways at home. So although the obvious warning signs can help, their absence does not necessarily mean that everything is going smoothly. Creating and maintaining a good relationship with teachers is clearly an effective way to spot issues you might not otherwise have been aware of. But actively listening to your child is the key to identifying and solving transitional difficulties, according to Ishbel Bruce, who runs Parent Effectiveness Training (PET) courses in Beijing. She suggests that while most parents like to think they are there for their kids, it takes a considered approach to create an environment in which children feel comfortable talking about matters that are really troubling them. “What I find to not be helpful is asking ‘So how was school today?’ straight after class because you won’t get much of a response,” she warns. “You should try and avoid that type of interrogative question.” Instead, Bruce recommends allocating some time every day, even if it is only five or ten minutes, to having one-to-one time with your child that is spent on their terms. “It might be reading a book or maybe older children want to go to a movie, but you give them a devoted period of time,” she suggests. “You may not talk directly about the transition they’re going through but when you speak together about your experiences, there will be door openers. “The talking process is cathartic, but it can also help you get to the root of a problem. For example, your child may complain that they don’t like their math teacher, but using active listening you may discover that it’s part of a deeper root cause. Maybe they don’t like who they sit next to in class or perhaps they are just not doing particularly well in math.” Once you identify a specific adjustment problem, there is unfortunately no cure-all solution. Each must be treated in a case-specific way and worked through between yourself, your child and, if appropriate, the school. But simply assuring them that everything will be fine is often the worst thing you can do. “One of the mistakes parents make is that they try and ease the transition too much rather than being honest with their kids,” says September 2013
beijingkids
53