Sex and Music By Dani Weaver (she/her)
communicate? Do you communicate?
Being asked to write this sex column is turning into somewhat of a public diary for me. I’m diving deep, getting (a little too) honest and speaking in the only way I know how to... truthfully and from experience.
Are you both open to discussions around intimacy, even and especially when it's uncomfortable? When I was 25 I dated a beautiful non-binary, polyamorous person. Being intimate with them was highly
So you’re in the mood. The lights are low and your breaths are getting longer and deeper. Kisses are given and received by hot, wet lips. You lose clothes, piece by piece. Your partner starts to sweat. Maybe you let out a moan or two. Maybe there’s a spank involved, who knows? Chances are, whatever you’re into, and whoever you’re into, you’ve done the dirty while listening to music. Spotify sex playlist, anyone? Juicy jams? Sultry go-to’s? Minus the ads of course!
20
jazz was my go to. I was all about creating that romantic vibe. And now, nearing my 28th birthday, give me a raw, silent room and I’m one happy gal.
When I was in my early twenties, it was all about Kendrick. I embraced the party culture that emerged from songs about big booties, droppin’ it low and smoking weed while wearing sunglasses in a nightclub. In
It’s crazy looking back and seeing the obvious evolution. As I grew older, so did my taste in music but also, my taste in sex. Or rather, what has truly transformed is my relationship with sex. How I perceive sex, what I think about sex, and to be completely frank, how I actually have sex has completely changed. I guess it’s a part of growing up. There comes a familiarity with one’s body over time. A contentment. But the ultimate level of comfort is not just an inward sensation, it depends on your partner too. How open are you with your
my mid-twenties, Ella Fitzgerald and 1940s
partner in the bedroom? How well do you
illuminating for me, not for any particular sexual reason but because of how they communicated with me during sex. They asked open-ended questions like “How does that feel?” giving me the space and opportunity to respond honestly. These types of questions contrasted with ones I’d been asked before. “Does that feel good?” or “Do you like that?” are both binary, binding questions. They lock you into answering with a simple yes or no. Extremely limiting. In reality, there’s an entire spectrum of feelings and emotions involved and creating the space for your partner to answer fluidly is soooo sexy. Consent is more than just a simple yes or no given at the beginning of sex. Check in with your partner. Ask questions, be
