talked with Antonio and I said, "you know, I have been watching everything that I can find of videos of film scenes where people are poisoned. Is there anything you can think of where this seems more of the thing and not this." I watched some ridiculous thing where a woman was throwing herself around to every piece of furniture in the room and I thought, “that doesn’t seem like something I should do.” He was like, “no, nothing really comes to mind,” but he said, “you might want to look at videos of people having seizures,” and I’m always dutiful about my homework and I went home and looked at a lot of people on YouTube who were having seizures at home – not film of this. It exists and it’s strange what people will put up on YouTube. In my life an as actor, my YouTube searches are so weird that whatever the computer thinks about me … “I don’t know what they should market to her” – I see a lot of weird ads.
we said all day. And even by the end I would just lie down on the floor really quickly and then I would stand up to feel really awful.
I watched a lot of videos and I was interested in what people’s hands did and that violent convulsion thing is where we ultimately decided to take it. Then the rest of it, we sort of in rehearsal just old school rehearsed it to see what if I would fall to the bed and then the door of the bathroom and then try to save Adam – so it was basically being specific to what was happening in my body every single moment. Now I’m trying to save Adam and now I’m going to vomit and turn away and here’s the moment where I realize that Julian must have had something to do with this. It was a tough day of filming because 3 days before, for the first time in my life, I had developed Vertigo. So actually, it’s just Benign Positional Vertigo – it’s still with me when I lay down to go to sleep. Whenever I would change positions or elevations, I’d get really dizzy. So I thought on that day, I was lucky that it wasn’t a fight scene where I have to do this and look like I'm in control - I feel awful and I am dying so I guess I'll #useit which is what
EA: Hmm it’s a really great question. I think it’s been more challenging for me in my life with theater where you're working on something every single day that’s probably also more of a challenge for people who are doing say a film that they are doing every single day. Whereas, I think that the most days in a week that I worked on the show was like 3 days in a week. So it wasn't every single day and then I wouldn't be working at all the following week. That said, I feel like I always miss my characters when they are not around anymore. Like a Quixotic small victimless tragedy for me as there is nothing that I can hug, there is no person that I can embrace. I really feel like there is this other person that I am in communication with when I am acting and it shows up for me the most very organically and this happened – where my characters have different gestures and little things that they do that that is a residue that will stick around. I’ll do that thing that that character did and I’m like, “oh” it feels like finding a loved
AM: That is dedication! EA: Well you know it’s just like, this is not a great situation and I wish I had felt well so that I could be in control of my body. As long as it was happening, I may as well take the roses along with the thorns or make lemons out of lemonade – whatever cliché term you’d like to use. It was a trying day, but at the end of the day I felt like I had died and come back to life. AM: Is it easy for you when you’re done filming to come back to you the person? Some people are so into their characters that it takes them 2-3 months to leave that character. How is that for you and how do you keep that separation?
