May 2017: RAW Beauty Issue

ANGELIC JESUS.

MUSIC.

FASHION.

MAY 2017

THE RAW BEAUTY: NO MAKEUP ISSUE

JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.

ANGELIC @ANGELICMAGAZINE

the raw beaut y i ssue 2017 MAY

OUR STORY A

NGELIC M AGAZINE IS A MONTHLY PRINT AND DIGITAL PUBLICATION THAT BLENDS MUSIC , FASHION AND THE REAL STORIES OF PEOPLE STRIVING TO LIVE FOR J ESUS .

W E BEGAN IN S EPTEMBER OF 201 3 FEATURING CONTENT SOLEY FROM THE SOUTHWEST OF THE U NITED S TATES AND SINCE OUR BEGINNING, WE' VE SPREAD TO FEATURE EDITORIAL CONTENT FROM THE PACIFIC TO THE ATLANTIC , AND BEYOND . W E HAVE READERS ABROAD COMING FROM PARTS OF E UROPE, S OUTH AMERICA, ASIA AND AUSTRALIA. ANGELIC HAS A MAGAZINE NAME BUT WE ARE A MINISTRY FOCUSED ON FEARLESSLY PROCLAIMING J ESUS .

W E SPOTLIGHT MUSICIANS AND BANDS WHO HEARTS STRIVE TO BEAT WITH H IS. W E FEATURE FASHION PHOTO -SHOOTS WITH PHOTOGRAPHER ' S , STYLISTS AND MODELS WHO DESIRE TO PROFESS THEIR FAITH IN H IM. O UR ARTICLES ARE GUIDED BY THE B IBLE. W E HIGHLIGHT ORGANIZATIONS AND MINISTRIES WHO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH . THE TESTIMONIES WRITTEN ARE FILLED WITH WORDS OF REDEMPTION AND GRACE. W E DESIRE TO STEP INTO THE WORLD AND BRING THE WORLD BACK TO J ESUS .

W E ARE NOT A RELIGIOUS MAGAZINE. W E STAND FOR J ESUS .

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JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION.

PROVERBS 31:31 "HONOR HER FOR ALL THAT HER HANDS HAVE DONE , AND LET HER WORKS BRING HER PRAISE "

LIVE THE WORD

A P P A R E L

THE LIVE THE WORD BRAND IS ABOUT ENCOURAGING CHRISTIANS TO S TUDY THE WORD, KNOW THE WORD AND LIVE THE WORD EACH DAY.

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#RAWBEAUTYANGELIC THE WOMEN WRITERS OF ANGELIC M AGAZE HAVE TAKEN NO- MAKEUP SELFIES TO SHARE THEIR R AW B EAUTY. J OIN THEM BY TAKING A NO MAKEUP SELFIE AND POSTING IT ON I NSTAGRAM WITH THE HASHTAG #RAWBEAUTANGELIC. I NCLUDE IN THE CAPTION WHAT R AW B EAUTY MEANS TO YOU AND TAG @ANGELICMAGAZINE. WE' LL BE SHARING YOUR PICTURES AND POSTS ON OUR I NSTAGRAM THROUGHOUT THE MONTH OF M AY. ANGELIC WRITERS FROM TOP TO BOTTOM : M ICHELLE COPPININI , ANGIE LANG , KAYTIE G AUS, E MILY S ENFF LAUREN PRATHER , S HELIA H ALE, CLARE TUCKER

EDITOR LETTER THE RAW B EAUTY: NO MAKEUP IS S UE

R

aw beauty. No makeup.

Is a woman only beautiful when she is wearing makeup or is she most beautiful when her face is bare? This issue serves the purpose to empower both women and men. She is not defined by her exterior. She is defined by the inner-workings of her heart.

Do you believe this to be true?

This issue is featuring JESUS. MUSIC. FASHION. entirely of women from across the country who have taken off their masks, insecurities, labels and are standing together to communicate the message that they are God's creations, crafted fearfully and wonderfully made.

People assume that I'm a woman because it's not necessarily a common-thing for a man to be behind a magazine that seeks to give women a platform to stand boldly for God. It's important to me that not just women, but men are reached through this issue.

The message I hope is communicated is that women are more than their makeup. Women are more than appearances. Women have stories to tell and bold faith to share.

Hope you enjoy.

-- Jesse Anaya

Raw Beaut y

PHOTOGRAPHY BY HARLEE VILLEGAS OF LANE GRAY PHOTO MODEL: ANDREA GUADARRAMA LOCATION: PLANO, TX

RAW BEAUTY: B ARING I T ALL

SHE HAD EXPERIENCED JESUS’ LOVE, COVERING HER SIN, SHORTCOMINGS, UGLY PAST AND ALL FUTURE FAILURES.

BY MICHELLE COPPININI

Be authentic, be real, just be yourself. All of these are phrases our generation lives by and even traits I myself take pride in exuding. But this concept of baring it all, uncovered and exposed, is a deep sea, one I have only begun to swim and one that Holy Spirit has been walking me through. Challenging my resistance to not just submit a “makeup free” photo for this months magazine issue but to come to Him in the same bare manner. Un-touched and makeup free. Flaws exposed and short comings out for Him to see. It was while reading the story of Mary washing Jesus’ feet that I really glimpsed the depth of this sea I have only began to swim.

This story is found in Luke 7. Mary enters the Pharisee’s house, one where Jesus was dining, and in front of these strangers begins to bawl. She is not just crying before strangers, she is unapologetically weeping before the highly esteemed leaders of her day. Ones who sit and judge her for the display she seems to shamelessly act out.

Her tears are so heavy they leave tracks on Jesus’ mud caked feet.

With no one to offer a bowl, no words to ask for one, she takes down her crown of hair and wipes away the dirt from His feet. If that is not enough she then breaks a bottle of precious oil (one that is valued at a years salary) and anoints Jesus.

There is enough in the passage to write a book and I have probably heard my fair share of messages on it. What struck me this time was how exposed Mary’s worship was. How she came into this dinning room and cared not for her standing or dignity.

She doesn’t care what the dinner party thinks. She doesn’t even ask Jesus permission.

She brings ALL she has and pretends to be nobody but her sinful, low in social standing, unclean self.

I want to worship like this but…

I also want to hide my nakedness.

I want to keep my ugly thoughts, my selfish ambition and lingering pride hidden away and only bring it out long enough to briefly acknowledge its persistent presence and offer a pittance “I’m sorry” for the damage it’s caused.

Hiding is safe.

Being naked is uncomfortably dangerous.

It is vulnerability in its truest sense. I don't want to expose my self to potential judgement and ridicule. To be seen as I am with nothing to hide behind.

And suddenly I see what I’ve been missing all along.

I am Mary and I am already seen.

I am the harlot, the messy, the ruined.

This is what Mary so boldly proclaimed that day. That it had nothing to do with what she had done and everything to do with who Jesus is and what He did.

This is what drove her to tears. This act is what she couldn’t help but do. It’s as if her tears and actions were as essential as her breath and no one would stop her from pouring this worship out to Jesus.

She could enter this room because she KNEW who covered her.

She had experienced Jesus’ love, covering her sin, shortcomings, ugly past and all future failures.

She knew Jesus already knew so what was the point in hiding.

It was this knowledge, this deep experience of Jesus love and grace for her, for all her nakedness, that propelled her to this worship.

That she was already seen before the One who mattered most in the room.

She was seen by all, but Jesus was the One who mattered.

He was the only one who mattered.

While the others in the room mocked and stood in Judgement, He accepted.

So, she brought all she could.

Simply herself and the best she owned.

And in one of the most extravagant acts in the New Testament she poured it all out for love.

His covering was the only one she needed.

His blanket of love was more than enough.

His gaze was the only one she had eyes for.

I hunger for this. For this beautiful undressing of my ego.

The baring of it all, the ugly, the buried, the flawed. The nakedness that finds me and Mary both on the same floor. On our knees, tears snot and all, before the feet of the One who forgives it all with grace to spare.

Recipients of love in its purest form.

The more we expose the closer the blanket of His love and acceptance can come. The more we uncover the more He can display His deep affection for us. For when we come before Him as we are, completely and utterly un-earthed, bare, pretense-ideals aside, naked and vulnerable before Him…thats when we begin to taste His tidal wave love. Love that draws our eyes from the crowd and jealously and intimately engages and beckons us deeper still.

My good good Father, To day I bring my naked self, I surrender my all at the alter where you already laid. I hear your invitation, one to truly undress and rid myself of all that I hide behind. Today I choose to rest in the sweet truth that You already see me. I rest, knowing that the more I honestly surrender the more I enter this beautiful dance of eternal grace and love. May my worship reflect the extravagant love You endlessly show me and my gifts always be given from a bare heart.

Amen.

ISN'T SHE: LOVELY RAW BEAUTY

I

GUY OPINION

Her beauty is written in her love.

B Y JES S E ANAYA

wanted this to be poetic. A slick annunciation of words typed in symmetry as I write this to you but all I can seem to verbalize is truth.

The happiest moments in her life will smear her mascara. The things that break her heart will inevitably ruin the blush on her cheeks.

A man will fall in love with her and he will cherish her laugh, their late night talks sitting on the couch together and the way his heart feels when he holds her close. He will never know what brand of lipstick she used, but will be filled with love every time he feels her rosey stained lips disappear into his.

The moments worth remembering, the ones we live for, growing old and living life under the sun, she will be remembered for the love she gave away freely. The nights when she whispered away the monsters to her sons and daughters, she will be remembered.

The cold mornings as she drank her coffee while reading the Bible, she will be remembered.

Her beauty is not written in shades of colors but in her gentleness. Her strength. Her wisdom. Her faith.

Her beauty is written in her love.

She is so lovely.

Fait h

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MADELINE METCALF LOCATION: PORTLAND, OR

Name: Emily Gross Hometown: Portland, OR City Living: Portland, OR Favorite verse: I am BeyoncĂŠ, always. - Michael Scott but also Psalm 8:3-4 What does natural beauty mean to you? I think this may simply be you as yourself. How are you when you are home alone? It is maintaining the ability to be yourself without being influenced or obligated to being another. And it is also seeing the beauty in others-not the false beauty the world would tell us; It is innate and untampered.

Name: Gaby van Gemeren Hometown: Walnut Creek, CA City Living: Portland, OR Favorite verse: Micah 6:8 "To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." What does natural beauty mean to you? Natural beauty to me is just being yourself. Loving the skin you're in exactly as it is and not having an expectation of it changing or being more perfect. Embracing all my flaws and seeing them as things that make me unique and exactly who God intended me to be.

ASHLEY SPENCE PORTLAND, OR

ANGELICTESTIMONY "GOD HAD CARRIED ME

THROUGH SO MUCH THAT YEAR AND I KNEW IT WAS TIME AND I WAS READY. "

I

grew up in the church my entire life, I started in Pre-school and still attend today. I was always involved in a youth group of some sort. Pre-school to elementary you don't really know what is going on, you just color and sing songs; Middle school, I was just there for one particular boy who I ended up dating for quite sometime in high school and college, anyway, I was crushing hard, so I went mainly to hang out with my friends and to flirt with him. High School is when I really began my walk with Jesus and chose to be baptized.

Cheerleading was my life in high school, up early before school and late evenings in the gym working out! I was offered several scholarships from colleges to come cheer for their programs, I was set and had everything lined up….so I thought. I was tumbling at a football game and landed on my shoulder wrong, and thats when everything went sideways. My life changed within 30 seconds, my independence was lost and the schools that had presented me scholarships, learned that I was injured and retracted their offers. A month later I had to have re-constructive shoulder surgery.

After surgery I had to wear a sling 24/7 for about four months. All of my independence (everything you long for as a teenager) was gone and I had to rely on almost everyone around me. I couldn’t wash my own hair, get dressed by myself, cheer, drive-- the list goes on, and of course it was my right shoulder, so it made school work and class the living worst. I had hit rock bottom and fell into deep depression, and The Lord was waiting for me to call out and ask for help. I’m extremely stubborn and it took me a bit, before I finally became so weary that I could barely get out of bed, let alone do anything else. I honestly only remember parts of this period.

It’s almost as if I blacked out and then would come back into consciousness and then black out again. Only by the Grace of God and my family and friends pushing me was I able to survive this incredibly low valley in my life.

Later that summer I went to my church's High School camp like I did every summer. Every year at the end of the week they do baptisms in the lake for anyone who is feeling led to be baptized.This option tugged at my heartstrings that year, and knew I wanted to get baptized. God had carried me through so much that year and I knew it was time and I was ready. It was such great start and an incredible mile marker in my relationship with Christ.

KELSEY CALLIHAN Name: Kelsey Callihan Hometown: Grand Rapids, Michigan Current City: Portland, Oregon Fave Verse: Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Name: Kelsey Consolo Hometown: Portland, Oregon City living: Portland, Oregon Favorite Verse: Psalm 63:1-8 What does natural beauty mean to you? I think that natural beauty is learning to be comfortable in your own skin; We must stop believing what the world tells us about beauty. We all have characteristics we don’t love about ourselves, but in all reality, we will never be perfect like the media says we can be or should be. The sooner we learn to accept ourselves exactly how we are, the sooner we can let others accept us in all our imperfections - physical or non. Natural beauty is learning to be transparent, to be vulnerable, with all our imperfections.

Name: Emma Acheson Hometown: Portland, OR City living: Portland, OR Favorite Verse: Ah, it feels impossible to choose! This changes, but right now my favorites verses are these “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces.” Psalm 107:12-15 Why does natural beauty mean to you? Wow, I am very much still a work in progress in this area! To me, natural beauty is about feeling comfortable in your own skin, and truly thriving in that space. We are our most beautiful selves when we are whole and fulfilled, surrounded by people and experiences which are lifegiving, and confident in who we are. I feel the most beautiful when I stop caring about what everyone else thinks about how I look (or what I am doing) and instead am enjoying my life to the fullest. Natural beauty comes when I am being true to myself and not trying to fit myself into the mold the rest of the world is giving me.

PORTLAND, OR

J U L I A G R E E N ANGELIC

I

might have a different story than most because I’ve known Jesus since I was 5 and I’ve never doubted God’s existence or his ability to be in a relationship with His creation (us). My testimony isn’t one of radical transformation, but rather one of radical surrender repeated throughout my life. When you’re a Christian from childhood, you experience different trials and tribulations. Just because I knew God, didn’t exclude me from facing the reality that life is hard sometimes.

I attended a secular university where my eyes were opened to the destruction that a life apart from Jesus leads to. My beliefs were challenged in every way and during this season I realized that I wasn’t as “strong” of a Christian as I thought I was. In several situations I lacked the wisdom and the power to make the right choice. I never wanted to live a life filled with sin and I never went searching for it. Rather, it came knocking on my door what felt like every single day. In the beginning, I started out well and was able to deflect the temptation when it came. I was giving it all I had and using all my strength to do what I knew was right. Although, just like a tree begins to whither when it’s not being watered, so I was beginning to lose the strength I had to fight for what I knew was right. Some areas I really struggled in during college revolved around dating nonChristian guys, fear and trying to “fit in” at the cost of “giving in” some of my moral standards. Weakness overcame me on several occasions and it never left me feeling good. Overtime, I began to lose some of the discernment that I had when I was younger because I wasn’t surrendering every area of my life to Jesus.

Even through the temptations I remained close to God and trusted His goodness over my life. I would often ask Him to help me make better decisions, but something was always lacking. I read the Bible daily, went to church, wrote my prayers in a journal, lead a young life group of middle school students and followed the “formula” for a good Christian life. To clarify, no one specifically told me that these Godly practices would make my life perfect; I sort of just made this up in my head and went with it. However, even though I did all these wonderful things that truly brought me closer to Jesus I still lacked one thing to overcome the temptation – power. My solution - I decided to get baptized. I wanted my baptism to be different and special so I asked both my dad and grandpa to baptize me, and had my entire family drive up to my favorite river (Little North Fork).

TESTIMONY

Something spiritual happened that day when I went under the water. It’s not easy to explain, but I felt an overwhelming sense that the Holy Spirit was near me. John three verses six through eight says, “Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” To be honest, up until that point I had quenched the Holy Spirit’s working power and presence in my life. I realized that when Jesus ascended into Heaven after his resurrection He left the Spirit to guide, instruct, empower and embolden us to live a life filled with the Holy Spirit every day.

This new realization lead me to start doing any and everything I could to experience the Spirit’s presence in my life. Some of the things I began doing included lifting my hands in prayer and worship, asking the Holy Spirit to empower me everyday if possible, experiencing the manifestations of the Spirit in my life, praying in the Spirit on all occasions and utilizing faith to stand up and stand out for Jesus. Guess what started to happen, I began to have power to live a more holy life. I realized a new profound control over sin, and it no longer had its grip on me.

This process began in 2010 and I’m still in it. I’m still experiencing more of the Holy Spirit every day and I hope that I’ll continue to for the rest of my life.

"I’ M STILL EXPERIENCING MORE OF THE HOLY S PIRIT EVERY DAY AND I HOPE THAT I’ LL CONTINUE TO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE ."

ANGELICTESTIMONY

I

PORTLAND, OR

ELLIE HUGHES

" HERE I AM, TAKING PHOTOS WITHOUT MAKEUP…IT’S SUCH A SIMPLE THING, BUT FOR ME, IT SIGNIFIES JUST HOW FAR GOD HAS BROUGHT ME."

was fifteen when my confidence became dependent on makeup.

I turn twenty-five next month.

Ten years of hiding.

Up until recently, if someone had asked for a photo of my bare face to be printed in a magazine I would have declined immediately. I couldn’t run to the grocery store without piling on foundation, let alone send a makeup-less image of myself out into the world.

Let me tell you a little about the work God is doing in my heart. (I would like to say the work He “did” in my heart, but in all honesty, it’s a work in progress.)

I started hiding as a teenager. Though it looks different on everyone, I think we all learn to hide something about ourselves at some point in life. For me, learning to cover the imperfections on my skin was a skill that developed while I learned to cover the imperfections of my character. I wanted to be perfect so badly.

Having “bad skin” seems like such a shallow issue unless you struggle with it.

I knew that God loves me “just as I am” and that He made me, but I didn’t think He made me pretty enough. I thought He made a mistake when it came to my skin. This thinking shaped so much of my behavior for years.

At sleepovers, I would wake up earlier than everyone else in order to put on makeup before anyone saw me. I dreaded days at the lake or camping trips that might make it difficult for me to keep up my appearance. Activities that should be fun were terrifying to me because of my vanity and insecurity.

I can count on one hand the number of times my husband saw me without makeup before we got married. While I never admitted it to anyone (had to keep up my appearance of having it all together!), I had so much anxiety surrounding our wedding. I was scared to let the man I loved see me all hours of the day. I was scared that my unpainted self wouldn’t be worthy of love.

While makeup hid my external shortcomings, I simultaneously attempted to hide internal shortcomings. The friends who I wouldn’t let see my bare face were also not allowed to know of anything difficult happening in my heart

until I had it all sorted out. In hindsight, I see how prideful and selfish this was. I expected them to be honest and open with me about their lives, but I refused to trust them with mine. I only showed people the sides of myself that I considered worthy of being seen.

Hiding gets lonely.

Eventually, I began to realize that the cost of the image I tried to maintain was isolation. Early on in our marriage, I broke down sobbing to my husband, “I feel like I have ‘fans’ of me but not real friends. I hate it, but I’ve designed it to be that way!” While my tears and rambling weren’t very articulate that night, I look back on it as a moment that indicated a shift in my heart. I was tired of curating an image of false perfection.

I began praying that God would help me to walk in the freedom He desires for us.

Real change doesn’t happen overnight – at least not from my experience. It’s taken years of conscious decisions to expose my honest self. It’s taken vulnerability. It’s meant telling friends, “I don’t have this figured out, but let’s talk about it anyway.” and telling them when life is hard instead of waiting until it’s better to admit there was a problem. It’s meant showing up for life even when I feel like I don’t look “good enough” and learning to look past myself.

The past couple years have been stretching and full of growth. Most of it has been internal, so I’m incredibly thankful for this opportunity to do something that reflects this growth in an outward way.

So here I am, taking photos without makeup…It’s such a simple thing, but for me, it signifies just how far God has brought me.

I want Him to be the only thing I’m dependent on.

I BELONG TO M

MY CREATOR.

Kat ie Feola

PRAI SE AN D WORSH I P SI N GER LEX, KY

ANGELICMUSIC

K A T I E FEOLA ANGELIC TESTIMONY

LE XI NGTO N, KY

"GOD HAS REMAINED FAITHFUL AND PRESENT THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE LIFE. LIKE I SAID BEFORE, THERE HAVE BEEN MANY PEAKS AND VALLEYS BUT I HAVE NEVER WALKED ALONE."

Iblessgrewyourupheartin were the south where church, sweet tea and pretty common. I have always been

very close to my parents and they provided us with a loving, Christian home.

My faith has always been very important to me. I was baptized when I was eight years old but my faith has continued to grow as I have gotten older. There have definitely been many peaks and valleys in my life.

One moment that I really leaned into God and trusted that He would protect and provide healing for me was about 12 years ago. My husband and I had decided to start a family and I had some infertility issues due to endometriosis. We found out we were pregnant and we couldn’t believe it! We were elated!

After having some pregnancy issues, we found out there was a Sub-chorionic Hemorrhage around our baby.

Because of that, the doctors had to monitor the baby and me very closely. Our baby continued to grow at a normal rate and we found out we were expecting a little boy.

One Friday, we went in for an ultrasound and the doctor said that Sub-chorionic Hemorrhage was getting smaller. We were so thankful but knew that we still had a long road ahead.

The following Wednesday, my husband, who normally leaves for work early, was running behind. I know that God kept him home that morning for a reason. I wasn’t feeling very well and after a bit, my water broke. For most people, that is when they get excited because they will finally meet their babies.

For us, it was way too early. When we arrived at the hospital, they told me I was in labor but also that I was hemorrhaging out. I remember the chaos of the doctors and nurses rushing around and once they had me stable, knowing we would soon meet our son.

Elijah David Feola was born March 9, 2005 and lived for about 2 hours before he went home to be with Jesus.

We had tremendous support from family, friends and our church. It still didn’t change the fact that we went home alone with no more baby moving in my belly and no baby in a crib.

I would like to say that I wrote tons of music after that because of our experience, but honestly, I stopped writing after that. For a little while following Elijah’s birth, I was a little numb. In a little less than a year, we found out we were pregnant again.

This time, even being born a month early, our son Samuel, was born super healthy. Like Hannah prayed for Samuel in the Bible, we prayed hard for this little boy. God continued to have big plans for our family.

After more infertility issues after Samuel, we decided to start the adoption process. We had always talked about adoption and God opened the door for us to adopt our beautiful son Joseph. We not only have a son but we have a whole family we gained through open adoption. Joseph’s birth mother is like a sister and her parents are grandparents to both of our boys.

God has remained faithful and present throughout my entire life. Like I said before, there have been many peaks and valleys but I have never walked alone. Singing and leading worship, has brought me joy, tears and to my knees many times.

I feel that I can sing the words of my heart through music better than I can ever speak them. I have started writing again, not a lot, but I am taking it one day at a time. Praying that God will lay whatever words He wants said on my heart.

I know that our family has this story to help others who might go through the same troubles or similar struggles. We are never alone. God is faithful and He will always deliver us through hard times.

Matt Redman wrote in Never Once: "Scars and struggles on the way But with joy our hearts can say Yes, our hearts can say Never once did we ever walk alone Never once did You leave us on our own You are faithful, God, You are faithful You are faithful, God, You are faithful"

MUSIC Q&A

"WORSHIP IS NOT JUST WHEN WE SING, EVEN THOUGH WE SAY THAT FOR OFTEN WHEN TALKING ABOUT SINGING. WE CAN WORSHIP GOD BY PRAYING, SERVING ONE ANOTHER, LOVING OTHERS , LISTENING TO GOD, AND BY APPRECIATING GOD’ S BEAUTY" ANGELIC: What does Raw Beauty mean to you?

FEOLA: On personal beauty—what the world considers “beautiful” is typically the superficial. When you think about an individual as a child of God, the idea of beauty completely changes. Through this lens, a person’s beauty is in the gifts and uniqueness that God has given them. When I also think about raw beauty my thoughts also go to God’s beauty in nature, His artwork. He continues to blow me away with His beautiful, mighty works. This past Sunday, just as the sun was coming up, there was a breathtaking rainbow popping through dark clouds.

I was taking pictures at stop lights. Raw Beauty is all around us.

R A W B EAUTY N O M AKEUP PHOTO OF KATIE.

FAMILY PHOTO OF THE FEOLA' S.

ANGELIC: What is your prayer for the community of Lexington?

FEOLA: We live in a terrific community and I am super thankful to live here. My prayer for this community is that we would passionately love one another, that people would know that God loves them deeply no matter where they are or where they have been. That people would serve one another with genuine humility, and that people would come to know God as their Father and Savior.

ANGELIC: If you could sing 1 song in front of Jesus, what would it be and why?

FEOLA: When I stand before Jesus, I’m not sure if I will be able to sing, but if I can, I think it will be a medley of songs and not just one. Probably Holy, Holy, Holy, Great is Thy Faithfulness, and the Doxology and so many more. He is so worthy ofALL of our praise!

ANGELIC: What does worship mean to you?

FEOLA: We can worship God all day long. Worship is not just when we sing, even though we say that for often when talking about singing. We can worship God by praying, serving one another, loving others, listening to God, and by appreciating God’s beauty in nature. There are so many ways to worship God!

MY S WEET MARIA I

"I SURE DO PRAY THAT SHE CLINGS TO THAT IMAGE OF BEAUTY I SAW IN HER FACE, THE IMAGE OF A WOMAN WHO LOVED DEEPLY, LAUGHED HEARTILY, AND SERVED SACRIFICIALLY." B Y ANGIE LANG

t was a hot, sunny Salvadoran morning when she first came up the dusty road. Barefoot with an apron tied around her waist, her long grey hair braided down her back, she spoke to me in a slew of Spanish that danced around me like the dust underfoot. She didn’t speak a word of English. The top of her head barely reached my shoulders. But in a quick moment, I learned that our ability to communicate far outweighed any verbal language we know. My heart filled with love for this woman, and I had an overwhelming desire for her to know how deeply beautiful she was.

She would climb that hill from her home down the road each day we arrived at the build site. As soon as she spotted me, she’d come over and nestle her head in the crook of my neck where she’d plant a quick succession of kisses. The extent of my Spanish was limited to a few words, and her English was even less.

Yet, each day we managed to hold some sort of conversation, and my heart only grew with love for her.

When we would find ourselves exhausted after a day of work, I’d sit at the table alongside our team while they played rounds of cards, and I would pull out my pencils and set to work. I needed my sweet Maria to know, through each of her wrinkles and wiry grey hairs and the hunched back from years in the coffee fields – she needed to know her beauty. Had anyone ever told her how beautiful she was? How the wrinkles on her face were a map, telling the stories of tears and laughter and days in that hot sun? How her hunched back was such a sign of sacrifice, the long days spent providing for her family in the absence of her husband?

She needed to know.

With each line of my pencil, each shade of a wrinkle, each grayed hair tucked into place in her portrait, I’d pray. Lord, let her know your love for her. Let her see herself how you see her.

The days quickly passed by, and I cherished each moment I had with her. I can still feel the way her wiry hair felt as I braided it, and I can still taste the sweetened coffee she made for us in one of the only pots she owned. On our last day on that mountainside, three of us made our way to her home down the street, and I had the opportunity to present her the portrait I’d worked so hard on. Tears in her eyes, she thanked us – and gave us the most precious thing she could.

Her voice.

On that sweaty hillside in El Salvador, she sang a song of praise to her God. I could not understand a word she said. But I saw the tears – I saw her beauty – and I saw her heart.

And that was far more precious to me than any physical gift she could have given.

I may never see my sweet Maria this side of heaven. But I hold her close – in the way that I hope my smile reaches my eyes and my body betrays a life lived sacrificially. She might never know the lessons she taught me. But I sure do pray that she clings to that image of beauty I saw in her face, the image of a woman who loved deeply, laughed heartily, and served sacrificially.

A woman who was, in every sense of the word, beautiful.

FOREVER YOUNG I'M AFRAID TO GET OLD. B Y KAYTIE GAUS

I 've written a few drafts of this piece. Tried to add a little bit of fluff, tried to make myself seem

a little less crazy, but I'm just going to say it.

I'm afraid of getting older.

I'm afraid of getting older- when you read that, what did you think? Did you laugh at me or did you nod your head in agreement?

When I was a teenager, I had a longing to be older. A desire to be in charge of myself. I couldn't wait to grow older. I looked forward to graduating college, getting a place on my own, perhaps getting a "big girl job," getting married, and maybe starting a family shortly after. I looked at the lives of women I admired, and women I didn't know, and I couldn't wait to get to that point soon.

Well, about 10 years later and I'm here. The diploma I worked so hard for? Don't use it in the field I'm in. The house I dreamt about? Fills my weekends with chores instead of sleeping in and doing what I please. The dream career I thought I would have? Still trying to figure that out. The marriage I hoped for? Although it is a blessing from God, it's not the fairytale society told me I would get. The family I thought I would have by now? God is showing me it's not my time yet.

By 22, I had crossed of most of the "milestones" from my list and started to realize that I was this "grown up" that I had always wanted to be. Although proud and thankful to the Lord for getting me to where I was, I had this longing for more, and yet another desire to just slow down time. And at times, a desire to go back in time.

I was barely 20 years old when I met my husband. And at times, I can't believe six and a half years have already passed by. I still feel like that young girl on the inside, but as I flip through pictures, those portraits say otherwise. I spend time in the mirror picking apart my appearance, not because I don't feel beautiful, but because I see time making it's mark on my face. I see lines forming at my eyes for squinting at my computer the past five years at work. I see discoloration under my eyes, letting me know once again I am not getting enough sleep.

I've been obsessed with discovering the fountain of youth. Trying to find a way to stop the aging process, both in appearance and with time. Trying to hold on to these days so tightly, not allowing myself to look forward to the future.

I'm not sure if it is society that has made me feel that getting older is a curse or if I, in my own mind, have checked of a lot of the big milestones making me fear if there's anything ahead.

But I have come to realize this. That the best is yet to come. God didn't design us to be stagnant at one age. He is instilling new dreams inside me each passing year, and gives me something to look forward to. And those laugh lines that are forming around my mouth? Those prove to me that I have laughed, smiled, and brought a little joy into the world.

What God has shown to me is that a face marked with lines and wrinkles, is a face that has lived.

It's a face that has laughed, cried, kissed, eaten, a spoken, experienced life, and loved.

I'm not going to let society's opinion about age, beauty, and accomplishments dictate how I look at myself and live my life. We cannot stop time, and why try? “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.� Matthew 6:34

God's Creat ion PHOTOGRAPHY BY INDIEE FOX M ODEL: GRACE EDWARDS LOCATION: CARROLTON, GA

YOU ARE CATHEDRAL GUY OPINION: B Y JONNY GORAS H

"GOD SAYS YOU’ RE BEAUTIFUL. THINK ON THIS: HE WHOSE BREATH BIRTHED WORLD- CONSUMING STARS BUILT A RIBBED CAGE WITHIN YOUR CHEST TO HOUSE THAT BREATH"

Wbestetoaremakea creation obsessed with beauty, who cares deeply about how things appear. We try our beautiful things through architecture, horticulture, fashion, graphic design, etc.

Witnessing beauty feels good; Literally, beauty is the extent to which a subject is pleasing to our senses or mind. It is a good thing. God makes beautiful things because it communicates his glory to his children through sensations of joy and admiration. All that he has ever made for us has been beautiful, that we may experience his goodness.

However, the people denied the artist and worshiped the art. We’re starved for the beautiful.

We’ve distorted truth to fulfill this desire and have sealed beauty into mass-produced plastic packages for purchase by the masses. Each new product or provision takes our beauty captive and holds it from us until we buy it back. It may be everywhere around and within us, but we’re often convinced that it’s just out of reach. So the cycle goes—until Jesus threw a wrench in the machine.

God says you’re beautiful. Think on this: He whose breath birthed world-consuming stars built a ribbed cage within your chest to house that breath. Countless minute instructions from God himself and years of work from the nation of Israel were dedicated to constructing a house for the Spirit of God. Yet, He’s now pleased to rest in you. In this way, Jesus beautifies his executioners. You’re beautiful beyond societal standards and norms. You aren’t a wilting flower—you’re eternal.

Beauty is a good thing, but it's not the greatest thing. I know this, but I still find that I’m often more concerned about how I look than how I am. We’re much more than this shell of blood and bones that we’re so content to honor and adore. Our physical perceptions of one another actually change as we discover each other's personalities. Your heart bleeds through to the outside, friend.

Take care that it’s pumping the blood of Christ, to be clothed in the only cleansing flow the world will ever know. Live a beautiful life to match your soul.

When the thought that you aren’t beautiful threatens your peace—and in this world, it will—I need you to know this: You are God-breathed: Flesh knit And bone built In an orchestra Of matter.

You are Cathedral: A castle-hearted House of God Lighting candles In the dark.

MY GOD CREATED M

ME AS B EAUTIFUL.

DESIRAE PEREZ T

he details of our lives are not lost to God. The Lord knows every detail, sees every joy and tear, success or disappointment. Life is a journey.

My name is Desirae, my husband and our two boys moved from the San Francisco Bay to Mountain House, CA 3 years ago. The move brought an array of challenges.

Recently I felt my life began to show signs of order and normalcy. I had disregarded a year’s worth of frequent headaches and pushed through day to day responsibilities.

In January of 2017 I thought I was having a complicated migraine. I had severe migraines 14 years ago but have been healthy for some time. This was something else. I lost my vision, motor function, speech, and experienced numbness, tingling, and loss of blood circulation on the entire left side of my body. This episode changed my life forever.

After this neurological seizure and then another I had many tests, and I’ve seen many doctors and neurosurgeons.

In February, my husband and I sat with a Neurosurgeon who explained what was happening to me. After an MRI, I was diagnosed with a disease I had never heard of a Cavernous Malformation. He explained it may have been developing since childhood but was just now starting to cause seizures and veins to bleed in my brain. I felt numb, and confused walking out of the office trying to process the words seizures, bleeding, and brain surgery. I kept thinking Lord what is happening to me?

The news was mentally overwhelming. I felt like all the pieces that made up my life were thrown in the air and what was left on the ground was unrecognizable. I remember thinking whose life is this. I told my husband, “even in this Jesus is still here.” I don’t recognize this situation, but in every circumstance Jesus is my familiar, he’s my constant, he’s my strong tower.

I knew that even in this difficult time he was right beside me and going to walk me through.

My first thought was trust Jesus the one who knows me, who has seen me through every obstacle. People who know me know I love to pray, to worship, and seek the Lord. I have scriptures in my closet, and stacks of journals. The journals are from when I was 16 in youth group till now a 38-year-old woman. The day of my diagnosis I sat in my closet with those journals. Reflecting through my tears at the years of journals, written down scriptures, words whispered to me in prayer. I held my tear stained, worn bible close to my heart. I pushed through my fear and said, “Lord even in this I trust you.”

Over the years the Lord has made deep deposits in my life and spirit. There have been days I feel alone, discouraged, sometimes afraid. I find myself wishing for a support system that I don’t have. The times I have struggled the hardest cause deep heartache, despair, even loneliness. I fight to stay focused on God the one who I know will see me through. I have to often be my own encourager. My husband is amazing and goes above and beyond and I am blessed. My boys are young and are doing their best. Day to day is unexpected and challenging. I struggle with

Z

ANGELICTESTIMONY MOUNTAIN HOUS E

,

CA

reaching out to others for fear of being disappointed. I know the Lord has begun his process of healing me from the inside out. Yes, my body needs healing but so does my heart, and my spirit. I choose to cling to what is good. I choose to stand on his promise that he will, ‘’restore my soul.” (Psalm 23:3) I stand and reflect on how over the years I have experienced the amazing miracles of God in my life. He has never failed me and he won’t start now.

I have had to dig deep. Deeper than I ever have before. Even in this space that looks unfamiliar to me. Even in what seems like darkness and doesn’t allow me to plan or think far ahead I choose hope.

My choice is to reach out to Him, to trust, to pray, and when there are no words I will worship. It may appear to be a contrast to logic. I choose to invite in God’s presence into what feels like a battle zone. I invite peace in to this conflict. I choose not to be dominated by the unknowns, fear or doubt. This is my journey. Even in the midst of the mess there is the miracle of God’s presence.

My heart rejoices for the ones who agree with me in prayer and I know I am not alone. This is my life, my testimony and it will be a journey. I choose to trust in Christ.

"I LOST MY VISION, MOTOR FUNCTION, SPEECH, AND EXPERIENCED NUMBNESS,

TINGLING, AND LOSS OF BLOOD CIRCULATION ON THE ENTIRE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY. THIS EPISODE CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER. "

PHOTOGRAPHY BY THERESA VARGAS

BARE

B Y S HELIA HAIL

“You only know what I only want you too. I know everything you don’t want me too. Your mouth is poison and your mouth is wine.” These words are some of the truest words I’ve ever heard and read. The first time I listened to this song by the duo “The Civil Wars,” I was a newlywed with my sweet husband Matt. The lyrics of this song confused me at first and didn't make much sense, until later on in our marriage. You see, when you get married you vow to by honest about everything, every bit of what we struggle with, our pasts, our fears, dreams, hopes and be fully naked and bare in front of one another. Yet, this full honesty doesn't always happen in the beginning, and time is usually the provider of revealing all the “hiddens.”

Each of us have a history, each of us have a past, and we each desire to be able to fully share every part of who we are to at least someone; even if that means not as a married person. And, we all need this, even if you don’t want to admit it. Now, I know you may be thinking, “Shelia, I would NEVER tell anyone THAT. I could NEVER tell anyone what happened that night, or want anyone to know…” or whatever memory you might have stored in the deep recesses of your heart. The thing is those things, hurts or shames and even the exciting dreams we have for the future are the exact things we need to share. Now, I’m not saying to go share these with the first person you meet in Target, however I am saying this this is what I believe God Has desired for His church to look like.

For me, the two people I am entirely BARE in front of with nothing on, are my husband and Jesus Christ. Why I explain this relationship as me being BARE, is because this word to me is more than being “naked” or “transparent,” its roots are deeper. The word BARE means, uncovered, exposed, and unclothed. Which all mean that I am entirely out in the open. I have placed everything out in front of me, all my crap for God to see, for Matt to see. The first

" WHEN WE ARE EXPOSED WE ARE THEN PROTECTED AND SHIELDED BY C HRIST AND WHEN WE ARE UNCLOTHED IN FRONT OF HIM WE ARE CLOTHED IN PURITY AND RIGHTEOUSNESS "

moment I stepped out into this outfit of entire exposer I shook to my core. When I shared my distress, my darkest sins and shames, yes I was met with question and conviction, but the biggest and deepest part I was met with, was GRACE. Every moment I shared with my husband of my past, and even share of my present sins and struggles I have never condemned, but instead invited into a space of deep intimacy of heart and spirit; as Jesus met us there. Grace in that moment and current moments command my SHAME to disappear, and does so with every fresh wound I bring to the table.

To be BARE in front of someone means exactly what “Poison & Wine” reads, that when we are entirely exposed, that person can either use our hurts to poison us or to provide a sweet taste of wine. The beauty is, Jesus will always be the wine even when man fails. Even in our failure, Jesus still wants to use men and women to show His deep love and sweet taste and give a glimpse of what total BARE-ness in the flesh looks like. The coolest thing about being BARE is that when we are UNCOVERED, we are then covered by GRACE, and when we are EXPOSED we are then protected and shielded by Christ and when we are UNCLOTHED in front of Him we are CLOTHED in purity and righteousness. The dichotomy of being BARE and the end result are beautifully mind blowing, just like JESUS.

WANTING MORE FROM GOD

HE DOESN' T NEED YOU DO ANYTHING, HE JUST NEEDS YOU TO TRUST. by clare tucker

You're reading this because you want more. You're tired and you've run out of scenarios that explain any goodness in the waiting.

As you've slipped away from time with God, your small and unsure soul has gained traction in believing that God slipped away from you. When his voice gets more and more distant, we blame him for forgetting about us. The truth we know we will find in Jesus, in Scripture, doesn't just magically make everything better in the dwelling place that is life on earth.

Life on earth stays hard. But our helper never sleeps. Like a watchman allowing you to take rest, his presence doesn't make the dangers disappear. Instead it provides moments of peace that remind us, it's ok to close our eyes. And rest. He won't leave. He won't forget you.

Sometimes he doesn't need you DO anything, he just needs you to trust. “In peace [and with a tranquil heart] I will both lie down and sleep, for You alone, oh Lord, make me dwell in safety and confident trust” (Psalms‬ ‭4:8‬).

Find that every ounce of who you are is made out of the heart mold of the living King of Kings. Know that his ways are all knowing, reaching further to the heights of wisdom than we were ever created to reach.

“Charm and grace are deceptive, and [superficial] beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord [reverently worshiping, obeying, serving, and trusting Him with awe-filled respect], she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30 AMP).‬

In His Light

PHOTOGRAPHY BY HARLEE VILLEGAS OF LANE GRAY PHOTO MODEL: STEPHANIE ALLUMS LOCATION: PLANO, TX

H A R L E E V I/ /L L E , G A S

LANE GRAY PHOTOGRAPHY

DALLAS TX

"AS A PHOTOGRAPHER WITH THESE NEW FOUND, ROSE COLORED EYEBALLS, IT IS REFRESHING TO ME TO SEE GOD’S BEAUTY IN THE RAW, MAKE- UP LESS FLESH. "

FROM THE PHOTOGRAPHER

I told my husband some time ago that photography has given me new eyes. Figuratively, of course. Everything around me is a potential stillframe-memory I get to store away for myself or someone else. I never go a day without looking at someone or something and thinking, “How beautiful is this moment?!”

It isn’t every day that I get to have a bare-faced model in front of my lens, but what an eye opening experience it was. I asked a few gals if they’d mind helping me and got the same reaction from all of them, “wait, NO makeup?!” I chuckle at it now looking at the images from those sessions because they are hands down my favorite to date. I would go as far as to say they are probably the best work I have produced. I was able to cull through these images and find things about these women who I have known for years and had never seen before, “Hey! You have freckles?!”

In our culture today I think a lot of us have lost sight of the inner most beautiful parts of ourselves. The raw-beauty session I have done recently have reminded me of a favorite bible verse that I have to remind myself of constantly; 1 Peter 3:3-4 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

As a woman I understand the make-up stigma. I know what it feels like to think you have to wear make-up or you aren’t presentable. It is an adult-sized security blanket and I don’t know many people who don’t possess it. But, as a photographer with these new found, rose colored eyeballs, it is refreshing to me to see God’s beauty in the raw, make-up less flesh. I take comfort in knowing God made us each so uniquely and so perfectly in his eyes. No matter the insecurities or discomforts we each have with our outward, worldly appearance, God has shown us many times just how beautiful he knows we are, inside and out.

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.”

Song of Songs 4:7

Ident it y

PHOTOGRAPHY BY AMANDA GRACE C MODEL: KIRSTI REED LOCATION: UTAH LAKE

CALL

Who Are You? MAYBE IT'S TIME TO REDISCOVER OUR GOD-GIVEN IDENTITIES.

W

BY EMILY SENFF

hen I hear someone's story, I can't help but see God's handprint all over it. When I look at the lives of the people I know, I see the intricacies that are woven so delicately and purposefully together. I do what I can to champion the people I know, for I often see how the challenges that the world throws at them are matched by the image of God within them.

There are many champions and encouragers in this world. I believe that we can choose to celebrate others every day in a variety of ways- we can thank the check-out girl at the grocery store or tell our coworker that they look great. We can point out our friend's smile or our mother's kindness. We can choose to look the barista in the eye or laugh at the stories we overhear on the bus; little moments of celebration come our way, as minute as they may be, and we have the chance to acknowledge them.

I think it's a lot harder, though, to choose to be a champion of ourselves; of our own identity. In a world that reflects the complex image of God amidst a society filled with chaos, why is it so easy to miss out on our piece of the puzzle? Maybe we simply don't know what our reflection looks like- and we miss it.

So who are you?

What makes you come alive? What makes you so passionate you can't help but tell others about it? What do you want to see happen in the world? When was the last time you felt free? The answers to these questions-- they are glimpses into this identity that God has given uniquely to us.

Maybe it's time to rediscover our God-given identities.

The jobs we work, the roles we play, and the things we have done have nothing on our title as sons and daughters of Christ. We can never be the best when we are trying to be someone else. Instead, we can discover who it is that God has made us to be and have the courage to celebrate what God has done in our own lives and identities. To live out the very best version of ourselves- what an incredible gift to give back to God.

In God's Hands PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHANI DENNIS M ODEL: BREE ROWAN D LOCATION: SAN DIEGO, CA

Bree Rowand

ANGELICTESTIMONY

S AN DIEGO, CA

" MY PERFECT, BEAUTIFUL, FULL OF LIFE LITTLE GIRL FLEW HOME TO HEAVEN, HAND HAND WITH HER PERFECTLY CHOSEN ANGELS . S HE WAS FREE."

W

hen I was asked as a young child what I wanted to be when I grew up I always said the same thing, I wanted to be a mommy.

I’ve always been kind, gentle, and soft and the laughter of babies always ignited so much joy within me. Fast-forward 20 years. In May of 2011, I married the man of my dreams. A family man who adored every ounce of me.

A man who wanted nothing more than the same dream as I, to start a beautiful family together. Three months later, our dreams were starting to take place. I found out I was pregnant.

A few months later, an eager me in a hurry to know the gender scheduled an appointment for 14 weeks. There was no way I could wait the long 20 weeks to find out. A tiny, precious, baby girl, in that moment imprinted her tiny little prints into my heart.

My pregnancy was going well until 30 weeks when I was admitted into the hospital for preterm labor. Luckily, after 4 days we were able to get things under control and back home we went.

I was on bed rest the rest of my pregnancy. At 36 weeks the doctor released me and 1 week later, on May 11, 2012, our little angel entered the world 21 days early. My life as I knew it had changed. Every part of my soul was softer.

I had never felt a love so innocent, pure, and whole hearted. It was a different love, one that can’t be described. The next 19 months were filled with so much laughter and so much love. So many new beginnings. So many dreams of what her life would one day become. Life as I knew it was perfect.

Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to happen, not even my darkest nightmares. At just 19 months old, on December 30, 2013, my perfect, beautiful, full of life, little girl with blonde curls and bright blue eyes, was diagnosed with stage 4 neuroblastoma, cancer of the nervous system.

I remember that moment so clearly. My husband was at work and I was alone with the doctor standing at the computer screen. He didn’t have to say a word. I could see it all over her.

And at this point it was just a scan of her head alone. Tumors lined her jaw bone, one pushed behind her eye, and a few scattered across her skull. In that moment all I could say was, “NO”, a

a hundred times over and over again.

The full body scan done the next day confirmed what he wouldn’t be. She had tumors all the way down to her toes lungs, liver, glands, and bone marrow. How did we not f sooner?

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. We knew it was bad. W were we’re in for the fight of our life. Through lots of pra research, my husband and I made the decision to air-ambula baby girl across country to NYC so she could receive the tr she so desperately deserved.

The next 11 months were filled with more ups and down roller coaster at Six Flaggs. She was known as their “miracle I can’t even count the number of times doctors told me going to die. I never believed them. I knew my God was than that.

In the meantime her social media page grew to over followers. I honestly believe God was using her to witness watching. They knew her as, “God’s little warrior”.

As a “family”, we all prayed for my Kylie’s healing, but w tell her body was getting weak. Her spirit stronger than ev the relentless disease just wouldn’t give up. On February 1, scanned showed there was just nothing else any of us on ear do to save her.

We released full control onto Gods hands. Six days l perfect, beautiful, full of life little girl flew home to Heave in hand with her perfectly chosen angels. She was free.

Free from the pain and torture she had endured for months. Grieving the emptiness of our only child was and co to be the most challenging thing we have ever had to face, strength to move forward each day lies in the hands of our L I know our past is just a whisper compared to the future with each other. I am thankful for Gods grace and gentlenes learn to navigate this knew life without her here.

I am thankful that I have the gift of eternity to look forw can’t wait for the day she’s in my arms again.

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YARA KHALAF PHOTOGRAPHER

//

PHOENIX, AZ

"I AM BEAUTIFUL SIMPLY BECAUSE OF MY C REATOR."

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FROM THE PHOTOGRAPHER

ypocrite. That was the word that came to mind. I was looking at myself in the mirror, a week and a half after giving birth to my second baby boy. "Wow, I look terrible" I thought while holding back tears.

I then continued pointing out all of my imperfections. You see, I even used to do this before I was pregnant. I was never satisfied back then either, but ironically I was crying remembering my old self wishing I was there.

Ten minutes later I received an email from the editor of Angelic Magazine asking me if I would be interested in publishing a piece on "raw beauty, the beauty Jesus gave you and what that means to you" in their May issue. I was thrilled!

The one rule was 'no makeup’. I instantly had a vision and excitedly posted on my FaceBook searching for brave women willing to be photographed showing their raw beauty. I was overwhelmed with over thirty responses just within the hour.

I truly believed all of those women were stunningly beautiful, and that's when I thought to myself... 'hypocrite'.

Here I was telling these women how beautiful we all are, that Jesus made each and every one of us beautiful and that we should embrace the gifts He has given us, but ten minutes earlier I was criticizing myself. I was focusing on my appearance, feeling ashamed of my looks even though I had just been blessed a second time with another miracle of life.

I'm writing this two days before Palm Sunday, three weeks after having a baby.

I woke up this morning determined to find an outfit that fit. I tried on everything in my closet and nothing worked.

There I found myself staring at the mirror criticizing myself, again, feeling ashamed of my looks.

I instantly went to the gym and as I was running I realized something: I am beautiful. I have a kind heart, a genuine attitude and smile, a strong foundation, faith in my Creator, goals and ambitions, a drive and a thirst for life, a loving

family and more.

Jesse, the editor ofAngelic Magazine asked me to include an article on what beauty means to me. There it was, THAT is true beauty.

It's so easy to get caught up on what's on the outside and focus on our flaws. When in reality, not that it should matter, but no one even notices that. No one notices your wrinkle or that you’re 10 pounds heavier than last month.

No one notices the imperfections you have on your face when it's not covered in makeup. No one notices any of that. But here we are living in a world where we feel the need to justify and defend all of those things that we find "wrong" with ourselves.

Beauty is the life you lead in the eyes of Jesus Christ.

Wasn’t He the most beautiful person that ever walked this earth? You are beautiful because of your heart.

So ask me again, what does beauty mean to me? I am beautiful simply because of my Creator. I was made in His image and I do not doubt His art. That's all that really matters anyways. I had the honor of working with ten beautiful women for this vision. I had them fashion a dress out of fabric I gave them, and of course no makeup or touchups were done.

Simple is what I was going for. A simple backdrop allowing me to focus on them. I then asked each woman four questions. 1. What is something you are insecure about? 2. What is something you love about yourself? 3.

What does real beauty mean to you? 4. Would you say that you are beautiful?

Their responses to all of these questions blew me away. A few of the ladies later told me that this project came at the perfect time and really helped them in a very special way. It truly touched my heart and for that I am humbled. These women are the definition of true beauty.