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raw beauty
EDITOR LETTER
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JESSE ANAYA
efore Angelic Magazine was created, I photogra photographer, in my editing of the images I would edit ou smooth out the texture of the makeup that was applied hundreds of photos we'd take at a photoshoot, with all o then post the best two or three images on social media t see was a fully masked edited image with computer enhan an image of perfection. None of this was real though. I never felt good about what I was doing as a photograp men and women into believing what they saw was true be What if we did an entire issue featuring real women wit the images? This concept was pitched in a magazine tea former fashion photographer, I was fully in agreement w out what I thought to be imperfection in women only to r beautiful. It's the laugh wrinkles that tell the complete sto computerized editing that make us beautifully raw. It's person's grace. I no longer photograph fashion photography and as I' God a desire within me to paint true beauty has manifes words and one of the outlets God has provided is Angelic' This issue is a celebration of the past 4 years of our Ra images you will see are of real women with no makeu issues are to shed a light on who God created us to be; beautiful.
aphed fashion photography. As a ut blemishes from the models faces, by the makeup artist and after the of my post editing complete I would to be seen. And what people would ncements to the images that created
pher and I felt as if I was misleading eauty, but I was painting a lie. th one caveat, no makeup for any of am meeting in 2015. As a man and with this idea because I once edited realize it's the imperfect that is truly ory. It's the unique attributes not the s the soul within that illustrates a
've further grown in my walk with sted, not just with pictures but with 's annual Raw Beauty Issue. aw Beauty: No Makeup Issues. The up and the heart of our raw beauty raw and real, transparent, bold and
9 1 0 2 y t u a e B w Ra GOD'S NATURAL STATE UNFILTERED REAL RAW BEAUTIFUL
EACH YEAR ANGELIC RELEASES ONE ISSUE HIGHLIGHTING GOD'S RAW BEAUTY. EVERY IMAGE INSIDE OF THIS ISSUE HAS NO MAKEUP.
THIS RAW BEAUTY ANNIVERSARY ISSUE FEATURES A COLLECTION OF IMAGESÂ FROM OUR DEBUT 2015 NO MAKEUP ISSUE TO THE PRESENT.
M A G A Z I N E
I S S U E
:
A N G E L I C
R A W
B E A U T Y
A N N I
V E R S A R Y
RAW BEAUTY: BARING IT ALL SHE HAD EXPERIENCED JESUS’ LOVE, COVERING HER SIN, SHORTCOMINGS, UGLY PAST AND ALL FUTURE FAILURES. B Y M I C H E L L E C O P P I N I N I
Be authentic, be real, just be yourself. All of these are phrases our
This is what drove her to tears. This act is what she couldn’t help
generation lives by and even traits I myself take pride in exuding.
but do. It’s as if her tears and actions were as essential as her breath
But this concept of baring it all, uncovered and exposed, is a deep
and no one would stop her from pouring this worship out to Jesus.
sea, one I have only begun to swim and one that Holy Spirit has been
She could enter this room because she KNEW who covered her.
walking me through. Challenging my resistance to not just submit a
She had experienced Jesus’ love, covering her sin, shortcomings,
“makeup free” photo for this months magazine issue but to come to
ugly past and all future failures.
Him in the same bare manner. Untouched and makeup free. Flaws
She knew Jesus already knew so what was the point in hiding.
exposed and short comings out for Him to see. It was while reading
It was this knowledge, this deep experience of Jesus love and grace
the story of Mary washing Jesus’ feet that I really glimpsed the depth
for her, for all her nakedness, that propelled her to this worship.
of this sea I have only began to swim.
That she was already seen before the One who mattered most in the
This story is found in Luke 7. Mary enters the Pharisee’s house,
room.
one where Jesus was dining, and in front of these strangers begins to
She was seen by all, but Jesus was the One who mattered.
bawl. She is not just crying before strangers, she is unapologetically
He was the only one who mattered.
weeping before the highly esteemed leaders of her day. Ones who sit
While the others in the room mocked and stood in Judgement, He
and judge her for the display she seems to shamelessly act out.
accepted.
Her tears are so heavy they leave tracks on Jesus’ mud caked feet.
So, she brought all she could.
With no one to offer a bowl, no words to ask for one, she takes down
Simply herself and the best she owned.
her crown of hair and wipes away the dirt from His feet. If that is not
And in one of the most extravagant acts in the New Testament she
enough she then breaks a bottle of precious oil (one that is valued at a
poured it all out for love.
years salary) and anoints Jesus.
His covering was the only one she needed.
There is enough in the passage to write a book and I have probably
His blanket of love was more than enough.
heard my fair share of messages on it. What struck me this time was
His gaze was the only one she had eyes for.
how exposed Mary’s worship was. How she came into this dinning
I hunger for this. For this beautiful undressing of my ego.
room and cared not for her standing or dignity.
The baring of it all, the ugly, the buried, the flawed. The nakedness
She doesn’t care what the dinner party thinks. She doesn’t even ask
that finds me and Mary both on the same floor. On our knees, tears
Jesus permission.
snot and all, before the feet of the One who forgives it all with grace
She brings ALL she has and pretends to be nobody but her sinful,
to spare.
low in social standing, unclean self.
Recipients of love in its purest form.
I want to worship like this but…
The more we expose the closer the blanket of His love and
I also want to hide my nakedness.
acceptance can come. The more we uncover the more He can display
I want to keep my ugly thoughts, my selfish ambition and lingering
His deep affection for us. For when we come before Him as we are,
pride hidden away and only bring it out long enough to briefly
completely and utterly unearthed, bare, pretenseideals aside, naked
acknowledge its persistent presence and offer a pittance “I’m sorry”
and vulnerable before Him…thats when we begin to taste His tidal
for the damage it’s caused.
wave love. Love that draws our eyes from the crowd and jealously
Hiding is safe.
and intimately engages and beckons us deeper still.
Being naked is uncomfortably dangerous.
My good good Father,
It is vulnerability in its truest sense. I don't want to expose my self
To day I bring my naked self, I surrender my all at the alter where
to potential judgement and ridicule. To be seen as I am with nothing
you already laid. I hear your invitation, one to truly undress and rid
to hide behind.
myself of all that I hide behind. Today I choose to rest in the sweet
And suddenly I see what I’ve been missing all along.
truth that You already see me. I rest, knowing that the more I honestly
I am Mary and I am already seen.
surrender the more I enter this beautiful dance of eternal grace and
I am the harlot, the messy, the ruined.
love. May my worship reflect the extravagant love You endlessly
This is what Mary so boldly proclaimed that day. That it had
show me and my gifts always be given from a bare heart.
nothing to do with what she had done and everything to do with who
Amen.
Jesus is and what He did.
F O R E V E R YOUNG I
I
'M
AFRAID TO GET OLD
.
B Y K A Y T I E G A U S
've written a few drafts of this piece. Tried to add a little bit of fluff, tried to make myself seem a little less crazy, but I'm just going to say it. I'm afraid of getting older. I'm afraid of getting older when you read that, what did you think? Did you laugh at me or did you nod your head in agreement? When I was a teenager, I had a longing to be older. A desire to be in charge of myself. I couldn't wait to grow older. I looked forward to graduating college, getting a place on my own, perhaps getting a "big girl job," getting married, and maybe starting a family shortly after. I looked at the lives of women I admired, and women I didn't know, and I couldn't wait to get to that point soon. Well, about 10 years later and I'm here. The diploma I worked so hard for? Don't use it in the field I'm in. The house I dreamt about? Fills my weekends with chores instead of sleeping in and doing what I please. The dream career I thought I would have? Still trying to figure that out. The marriage I hoped for? Although it is a blessing from God, it's not the fairytale society told me I would get. The family I thought I would have by now? God is showing me it's not my time yet. By 22, I had crossed of most of the "milestones" from my list and started to realize that I was this "grown up" that I had always wanted to be. Although proud and thankful to the Lord for getting me to where I was, I had this longing for more, and yet another desire to just slow down time. And at times, a desire to go back in time. I was barely 20 years old when I met my husband. And at times, I can't believe six and a half years have already passed by. I still feel like that young girl on the inside, but as I flip through pictures, those portraits say otherwise. I spend time in the mirror picking apart my appearance, not because I don't feel beautiful, but because I see time making it's mark on my face. I see lines forming at my eyes for squinting at my computer the past five years at work. I see discoloration under my eyes, letting me know once again I am not getting enough sleep. I've been obsessed with discovering the fountain of youth. Trying to find a way to stop the aging process, both in appearance and with time. Trying to hold on to these days so tightly, not allowing myself to look forward to the future. I'm not sure if it is society that has made me feel that getting older is a curse or if I, in my own mind, have checked of a lot of the big milestones making me fear if there's anything ahead. But I have come to realize this. That the best is yet to come. God didn't design us to be stagnant at one age. He is instilling new dreams inside me each passing year, and gives me something to look forward to. And those laugh lines that are forming around my mouth? Those prove to me that I have laughed, smiled, and brought a little joy into the world. What God has shown to me is that a face marked with lines and wrinkles, is a face that has lived. It's a face that has laughed, cried, kissed, eaten, a spoken, experienced life, and loved. I'm not going to let society's opinion about age, beauty, and accomplishments dictate how I look at myself and live my life. We cannot stop time, and why try? “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
BARE B Y S H E L I A H A I L
“You only know what I only want you too. I know everything you don’t want me too. Your mouth is poison and your mouth is wine.” These words are some of the truest words I’ve ever heard and read. The first time I listened to this song by the duo “The Civil Wars,” I was a newlywed with my sweet husband Matt. The lyrics of this song confused me at first and didn't make much sense, until later on in our marriage. You see, when you get married you vow to by honest about everything, every bit of what we struggle with, our pasts, our fears, dreams, hopes and be fully naked and bare in front of one another. Yet, this full honesty doesn't always happen in the beginning, and time is usually the provider of revealing all the “hiddens.” Each of us have a history, each of us have a past, and we each desire to be able to fully share every part of who we are to at least someone; even if that means not as a married person. And, we all need this, even if you don’t want to admit it. Now, I know you may be thinking, “Shelia, I would NEVER tell anyone THAT. I could NEVER tell anyone what happened that night, or want anyone to know…” or whatever memory you might have stored in the deep recesses of your heart. The thing is those things, hurts or shames and even the exciting dreams we have for the future are the exact things we need to share. Now, I’m not saying to go share these with the first person you meet in Target, however I am saying this this is what I believe God Has desired for His church to look like. For me, the two people I am entirely BARE in front of with nothing on, are my husband and Jesus Christ. Why I explain this relationship as me being BARE, is because this word to me is more than being “naked” or “transparent,” its roots are deeper. The word BARE means, uncovered, exposed, and unclothed. Which all mean that I am entirely out in the open. I have placed everything out in front of me, all my crap for God to see, for Matt to see. The first
"WHEN WE ARE EXPOSED WE ARE THEN PROTECTED AND SHIELDED BY CHRIST AND WHEN WE ARE UNCLOTHED IN FRONT OF HIM WE ARE CLOTHED IN PURITY AND RIGHTEOUSNESS" moment I stepped out into this outfit of entire exposer I shook to my core. When I shared my distress, my darkest sins and shames, yes I was met with question and conviction, but the biggest and deepest part I was met with, was GRACE. Every moment I shared with my husband of my past, and even share of my present sins and struggles I have never condemned, but instead invited into a space of deep intimacy of heart and spirit; as Jesus met us there. Grace in that moment and current moments command my SHAME to disappear, and does so with every fresh wound I bring to the table. To be BARE in front of someone means exactly what “Poison & Wine” reads, that when we are entirely exposed, that person can either use our hurts to poison us or to provide a sweet taste of wine. The beauty is, Jesus will always be the wine even when man fails. Even in our failure, Jesus still wants to use men and women to show His deep love and sweet taste and give a glimpse of what total BAREness in the flesh looks like. The coolest thing about being BARE is that when we are UNCOVERED, we are then covered by GRACE, and when we are EXPOSED we are then protected and shielded by Christ and when we are UNCLOTHED in front of Him we are CLOTHED in purity and righteousness. The dichotomy of being BARE and the end result are beautifully mind blowing, just like JESUS.
for the size of her social media following, I will love her for the depth of her soul.
.
Who Are You? MAYBE IT'S TIME TO REDISCOVER OUR GODGIVEN IDENTITIES.
W
B Y E M I L Y S E N F F
hen I hear someone's story, I can't help but see God's handprint all over it. When I look at the lives of the people I know, I see the intricacies that are woven so delicately and purposefully together. I do what I can to champion the people I know, for I often see how the challenges that the world throws at them are matched by the image of God within them. There are many champions and encouragers in this world. I believe that we can choose to celebrate others every day in a variety of ways we can thank the checkout girl at the grocery store or tell our coworker that they look great. We can point out our friend's smile or our mother's kindness. We can choose to look the barista in the eye or laugh at the stories we overhear on the bus; little moments of celebration come our way, as minute as they may be, and we have the chance to acknowledge them. I think it's a lot harder, though, to choose to be a champion of ourselves; of our own identity. In a world that reflects the complex image of God amidst a society filled with chaos, why is it so easy to miss out on our piece of the puzzle? Maybe we simply don't know what our reflection looks like and we miss it. So who are you? What makes you come alive? What makes you so passionate you can't help but tell others about it? What do you want to see happen in the world? When was the last time you felt free? The answers to these questions they are glimpses into this identity that God has given uniquely to us. Maybe it's time to rediscover our Godgiven identities. The jobs we work, the roles we play, and the things we have done have nothing on our title as sons and daughters of Christ. We can never be the best when we are trying to be someone else. Instead, we can discover who it is that God has made us to be and have the courage to celebrate what God has done in our own lives and identities. To live out the very best version of ourselves what an incredible gift to give back to God.
love ba B Y A L Y S H A M I L L E R
“Tell her to remove the prostitute's makeup from her face and the clothing that exposes her breasts. Otherwise I will strip her naked and make her as bare as on the day she was born; I will make her like a desert, turn her into a parched land, and slay her with thirst.” Hosea 2:23 There is no sugar coating, no covering up these verses. It may sound harsh yet it was the rawness in those words that rocked me when I read it for the first time five years ago. And it’s in the Bible so it’s important not to gloss over it. What is it there for? How does this story apply to me? The questions that went through my mind the first time I read it. Hosea has become one of my favorite books in the Bible. It’s the story of God’s redeeming love, of God’s faithfulness despite our unfaithfulness and the turning of our hearts to idols after all God has done for us. It causes me to weep, gush with love, worship, repent. For those not familiar with Hosea, God called the prophet Hosea to marry this woman, Gomer who was a prostitute. She continued to go back to her idols, her lovers and fine living even after Hosea married her, which was symbolic of Israel’s continual rejection and turning back to idols after God had shown Himself faithful and merciful to them. God sent this man, Hosea, to redeem her and love her regardless of her past or rejection of his love. He seems to be unphased by her resistance and rejection and this is a beautiful portrait of God’s pursuing love for us. God loves His children too much to let them go. He will take drastic measures (see verses 23) to win us back to Himself. Read Hosea 2:1415, "But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there. I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope. She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from her captivity in Egypt.” This is the God we serve. He may slay us with thirst but it’s all to win us back. He may strip us bare but He covers us (1 Peter 4:8). He leads out into the desert, the most barren place so that we will hear Him. His words are not words of judgment. He words are tender and true, with the aim to put us back together. Come forth beloved. I have not given you a heart of fear. Beloved, I am always with you, even to the end of time. (Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love. A side note: I highly recommend this book.) How God rocked me when I first read this book in the Bible? He showed me myself in Gomer. I had been unfaithful to Him. All those times I’d turn away when He gave me ways out of my sin. All those times I failed to thank Him or give Him my heart after He demonstrated His pursuing, relentless love. And I stop to think about all the things that led me to that point. How had my heart gotten so hard? It caused me to wonder who Gomer was and what her story could have possibly looked like. Was she sold into slavery at a young age, forced into such a heartbreaking circumstance? Had she felt she had no other option outside of prostitution to make a living? Did she worship approval and acceptance and this was her way of receiving such validation, selling herself, exposing herself? What was she willing to put on and give out just to receive pretty things, jewelry, etc.?
"I HAD BEEN U HIM. ALL THO
TURN AWAY GAVE ME W MY SIN. ALL FAILED TO THA GIVE HIM MY HE DEMONS PURSUING, LOV
ares all
UNFAITHFUL TO OSE TIMES I’D Y WHEN HE WAYS OUT OF THOSE TIMES I ANK HIM OR Y HEART AFTER STRATED HIS RELENTLESS VE."
Whatever the story, I can be certain there was a moment where she felt forced to bare it all, at the mercy of her circumstances and nowhere else to turn. Unable to refuse what she may have fought so hard to cover. Stripped yet left shivering. The difference with the stripping of the world vs. the stripping mentioned in verse two, is that the world will strip and will leave you feeling ashamed for baring all. God strips down so He can bind us back up. He draws a quilt around our resolve, the one that feels like a raw wound. No matter what she’d been forced to bare, the one thing she most assuredly protected was her honest, raw, bare self. The true self. They could take from her body yet they couldn’t take the parts she could mask. Makeup covered up the freshfaced Gomer. No one got to see that. That was sacred, the intimate, real, raw, she’d keep for herself. Why? So that she could remain in control, even if in that one aspect of her life. Everything else may have been spinning out of control, but how she put on her face and presented herself, that she could control. And if what they wanted was concealed, made up beauty, she would play the part. Imagine Gomer’s confusion when a man entered her life and wanted to love her despite her flaws, her brokenness, her past. She didn’t know how to receive such extravagant love. Perhaps she felt she didn’t have anything she could offer this man. Or that what she had to offer was external beauty, never taught the value of a beautiful heart, mind and soul. Perhaps the world hadn’t given her a chance to develop that. Harsh and showy was what the world’s standard of “beauty” produced and she’d own it. Maybe she thought that would surely turn him away. But no, he persisted, he pursued even still. There’s nothing about your story that shocks God. There’s no push back strong enough to stop His pursuing, redeeming love for you. You may not feel worthy of such love, a love of a King, but He will stop at nothing to make sure you know just how deep His affections are toward you. And just like God called Hosea into a covenant relationship with Gomer, so He calls us into a covenant relationship with Him. He wants our full attention, our whole hearts, completely surrendered to Him. The idols of our hearts, He’ll tear them down. We can dress up and play a part but it won’t be long before He asks you, “Aren’t you tired? Drop off all you’re carrying so that you can open yourself up to Me and receive the love I have to give you.” He will challenge us to bare ourselves and open ourselves up to being vulnerable with Him. But not before, He gently assures you He is safe. He knows if you’re scared to trust anyone ever again. He knows what’s been taken from you. He’s wept for you. Intimacy may be something foreign and you know a covenant with Jesus breeds intimacy, so you hesitate. Yet He’s patient as He lets you discover He is Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11). It was this trustworthiness that I found in Jesus that caused my heart to soar and fill with love. He made me feel safe and secure…even though I was called out, fully exposed, fully bare before Him. I’m the first one to admit, I’m a work in progress. It takes time to feel safe enough to bare all to anyone but Jesus. Intimacy and vulnerability…we’ll go at it hand in hand, step by step, Him and I. It feels safe to cover up the scars which draw people’s gaze to that part of your face. It feels secure to cover the dark circles from lost sleep. Makeup can feel like your war paint. It helps you
THE STATEMENT "I FOUND GOD CHALLENGING ME TO BE MORE OPEN WITH MY STRUGGLES OF INSECURITY TO A WIDER AUDIENCE, BE MORE HONEST WITH MYSELF ABOUT HOW MUCH I WAS HURTING MY FATHER BECAUSE I WASN’T LIVING INTO THE PERSON HE MADE ME TO BE" W O R D S B Y A N N P I T T S
My most recent spiritual battle was one full of insecurity in my looks, which spread to feeling insecure into many other areas of my life. I was spinning into a pit of selfloathing and depression. I was striving to be someone I wasn’t because I was so insecure about who I was. I quickly learned the lesson that God cannot bless who you’re pretending to be, only who you really are. I found God challenging me to be more open with my struggles of insecurity to a wider audience, be more honest with myself about how much I was hurting my Father because I wasn’t living into the person he made me to be, and not resisting the change he wanted to cultivate in my heart. I started with the simple change of not wearing makeup and picking out outfits that I found stylish, not what Instagram was showing me was socially elevating. I started praying for my heart to leave jealousy behind and love the women I compared myself to. I started to be more vulnerable with my social platform and opened up to the world about my struggles with anxiety and what an abusive past had done to my selfimage. The effects of this heart change were much larger than I imagined. I wanted other women to experience beauty and confidence that came from the Father like I was experiencing. This lead to me taking photos of my friends just for fun, and I would get responses such as: “I love how I look in these because you let me be myself”.
YOU ARE CATHEDRAL GUY OPINION:
B Y J O N N Y G O R A S H
"GOD SAYS YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. THINK ON THIS: HE WHOSE BREATH BIRTHED WORLDCONSUMING STARS BUILT A RIBBED CAGE WITHIN YOUR CHEST TO HOUSE THAT BREATH"
W
e are a creation obsessed with beauty, who cares deeply about how things appear. We try our best to make beautiful things through architecture, horticulture, fashion, graphic design, etc. Witnessing beauty feels good; Literally, beauty is the extent to which a subject is pleasing to our senses or mind. It is a good thing. God makes beautiful things because it communicates his glory to his children through sensations of joy and admiration. All that he has ever made for us has been beautiful, that we may experience his goodness. However, the people denied the artist and worshiped the art. We’re starved for the beautiful. We’ve distorted truth to fulfill this desire and have sealed beauty into massproduced plastic packages for purchase by the masses. Each new product or provision takes our beauty captive and holds it from us until we buy it back. It may be everywhere around and within us, but we’re often convinced that it’s just out of reach. So the cycle goes—until Jesus threw a wrench in the machine. God says you’re beautiful. Think on this: He whose breath birthed worldconsuming stars built a ribbed cage within your chest to house that breath. Countless minute instructions from God himself and years of work from the nation of Israel were dedicated to constructing a house for the Spirit of God. Yet, He’s now pleased to rest in you. In this way, Jesus beautifies his executioners. You’re beautiful beyond societal standards and norms. You aren’t a wilting flower —you’re eternal. Beauty is a good thing, but it's not the greatest thing. I know this, but I still find that I’m often more concerned about how I look than how I am. We’re much more than this shell of blood and bones that we’re so content to honor and adore. Our physical perceptions of one another actually change as we discover each other's personalities. Your heart bleeds through to the outside, friend. Take care that it’s pumping the blood of Christ, to be clothed in the only cleansing flow the world will ever know. Live a beautiful life to match your soul. When the thought that you aren’t beautiful threatens your peace—and in this world, it will—I need you to know this: You are Godbreathed: Flesh knit And bone built In an orchestra Of matter. You are Cathedral: A castlehearted House of God Lighting candles In the dark.
p u e k a M o N , y t u Raw Bea THANK YOU TO ALL OF THE WOMEN WHO'VE TAKEN PART IN OUR RAW BEAUTY ISSUES. MAKEUP IS AN ACCESSORY TO HIGHLIGHT WHAT WE KNOW TO BE TRUE: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AS GOD MADE YOU.