Health

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

Let’s kick off with some honesty: growing up can be a s**t show. Navigating from childhood to young adulthood is rarely straightforward: it’s a complex process of loosening the ties to your family of origin, finding your tribe, forging your identity and striving to succeed in various endeavours (social/academic/sporting etc.,) within a constantly changing body. It’s not a surprise to anyone, then, that the pandemic - which brought a world of polarised perspectives, conflicting messages and ongoing uncertainty - would have an impact on young people’s psychological wellbeing.

Many of those who thought they’d properly set off on life’s exciting journey came back and got more family time than they’d ever had - or wanted. And it was depressing.

It was depressing for them and it was anxiety-inducing for their parents who realised that they’d much rather worry about how their offspring are misbehaving at school or university than know that they’re on their best behaviour because it’s government mandated that they should be sitting at home.

When it came to the case of American expat families living in the UK, there were added layers of complexity to contend with. Many had taken up the opportunity to live and work here secure in the understanding they could travel ‘home’ regularly and freely. There was an unspoken understanding of the excitement and good fortune that came from becoming a member of a new and different community (with its enthusiastic contributions to local initiatives) whilst also having the freedom to stay physically and frequently connected to loved ones across the pond, thanks to Air Miles. As with everything in life, however, having access to this lifestyle didn’t come free.

The Mental Health Status of Expatriate vs. US Domestic Workers, for example, found that twice as many expatriates as home-based Americans expressed feelings of stress and anxiety, while three times as many expressed feelings of depression. These pre-Covid findings were associated with separation from close family and friends, as well as adapting to differences in culture, religious expression and/or social mores.

Recent evidence indicates an escalation in these challenging emotions in response to the pandemic. This isn’t surprising when we consider that ongoing travel restrictions (if we can figure out what they are from one day to the next) continue to curtail expats’ ability to spend time with the family and friends they left behind in their home countries. Additionally, as expats tend to be proactive and resourceful in approach, this forced inability to act can exacerbate a sense of bewilderment about what one can do. Lack of control and stress are disempowering and can reduce our sense of personal agency, but also of our identity. If I cannot do what I usually do, if I do not contribute as I usually contribute, how do I know how to be or even who to be? It’s a practical as much as an existential question.

People assume that in my line of work all we see is the dark side of mental health and they ask me how it’s possible to retain a sense of light and optimism when I’m constantly exposed to people’s fears, sadness and anxiety. The truth is that the people who ask these questions literally don’t know the half of it: the other half.

Undoubtedly, the pandemic has brought with it a huge rise in demand for mental health care: a rise of depression in adults, anxiety in children and a deluge of selfharm and eating disorders in adolescents. But by the same token, we get to see the resilience of young people and their families. Resilience is defined as ‘the ability to cope in the face of adversity’. That is what so many children and families have been doing over the past 18 months and we’re seeing it live and in beautiful technicolour in our therapy rooms. A young person told one of our psychologists that since they hit rock bottom during lockdown and came out the other side, “I know it passes and I know I can cope”. Hearing that was a ‘this is why we do what we do moment’ for all of us.

We’ve seen parents who’ve battled through so many difficulties with their children and found themselves now with a stronger relationship. We’ve seen children whose anxiety has worsened over the course of the pandemic, but whose resolve to get better has never been stronger as they fight to return to a world they’re determined to miss no more of. We’ve seen families who’ve experienced loss and hardship, but who’ve been moved and strengthened by a support network they never knew they had. We’re seeing children and young people talking with a wisdom and maturity that we don’t know they would have if they hadn’t been through the pandemic.

Yes, children and young people are vulnerable in many ways, but they’re also flexible, adaptable and resilient, and as a society we can be hopeful for them. They – and their parents – have had to manage so much, and from where I’m sitting, I can tell you that they’re doing a really good job of it.

When it came to the case of American expat families living in the UK, there were added layers of complexity to contend with

We’ve seen parents who’ve battled through so many difficulties with their children and found themselves now with a stronger relationship

Maryam Meddin is founder & CEO of The Soke, a private mental health centre based in South Kensington. Contact: maryam@thesoke.uk www.thesoke.uk