Woman
Complimentary
September 2018
West Georgia
TM
Anne Josey
A Walk to Remember The Faces of Suicide
A Loving Tribute 1
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Tristan Alexander Brooks May 15, 1993 – September 17, 2015
This publication is dedicated in loving memory of all of those who have lost their lives to suicide. They will remain forever in our hearts ...
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ANNUAL MEETING Thursday, October 4 155 N. Hwy. 113 Carrollton, GA 30117 Gates open: 4:30 pm Registration: 5:30 pm Business Meeting: 7 pm
Free bucket & prizes for Members Entertainment by Cross Ties Band Food from The Varsity ($1 for hot dog & chips) ($1 for fried pie) While supplies last Grand prize: 2006 Chevrolet Trailblazer 5
”
A Gift to Family, Friends and the World ”
Amanda Nicole Broussard
What’s inside...
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Out Of The Darkness
– Carol Broussard, Amanda's mother.
September 30, 1987– March 12, 2015
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Suicide Warning Signs In Adults
Faces Of Suicide: 24 The Tristan Alexander Brooks
48 Robert O'Neal Phillips
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A Letter From The Heart
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Daily Fare
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Please Stop Using The Phrase "Committed Suicide"
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Depression In The Elderly
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Donald Lawrence Bone
59 Night Road
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Suicide Warning Signs In Youth
60 Kidz Corner
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Waymon Michael Kimball
Gold Rush Festival September 8, 2018
The 2018 Villa Rica Gold Rush Festival 2018 will begin with the annual Gold Rush Parade at 10 am. After the parade, the festivities continue on Main Street featuring plenty of entertainment and over 40 food, craft and merchandise vendors. The Thomas A. Dorsey stage heats up at 4:00pm with opening acts Double Wide, Ignition Atlanta, and Gritz & Jelly Butter. Headlining the Gold Rush Festival Concert is Villa Rica favorite, The Velcro Pygmies!
The Velcro Pygmies
We’re bringing the "FUN" in 2018 to Downtown Villa Rica and The MILL Amphitheater! Admission is FREE! Don't miss it!
Started in 1978, the Villa Rica Gold Rush Festival celebrates the rich and sometimes forgotten history of the first gold rush in Georgia. Villa Rica’s gold rush started in 1826 and predates the more well-known gold rush in Dahlonega, Georgia.
Southeast Tourism Society selects Villa Rica Gold Rush as an ‘STS Top 20 Event’ for September 2018!
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THE PEOPLE
BEHIND THE POWER
™
Nearly 22,000 bags of school supplies were distributed to students in our Southwire communities in this year’s Back to School events.
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Men older than 45 and women older than 55 (or post-menopausal)
MEDICINE BEYOND MEASURESM
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Life is a Beautiful Gift
Three years ago on Sept. 17, 2015, my beautiful nephew, Tristan, lost his life to suicide. I don't believe I will ever be able to adequately convey to you the tremendous impact suicide has on the loved ones left behind. If you're like I was three years ago, you may know nothing about this subject. My hope is that after reading this issue, you will become more empathetic, more informed and more aware of the devastating effects of suicide. I hope you will read this issue in earnest and become more knowledgeable of the warning signs, learn how to talk to others about Left to right: Angela, Tristan, Angela's son, Zachary and suicide and feel more empowered to reach out and help someone who Tristan's brother, Nathan. Photo by Dan Keever. may be having thoughts of taking their own life. I want you to know that you may be able to help save the life of someone in your family, a student, co-worker or a friend just by asking a few simple questions: • • • • • • •
How are you dealing with the things that are happening in your life? Do you ever feel like just giving up? Are you thinking about hurting yourself? Are you thinking about dying or having thoughts about suicide? Have you ever tried to hurt yourself before or thought about suicide before? Do you have a plan? Have you thought about when or how you might do it? Do you have weapons or items in your home or around you that you might use to hurt yourself?
Asking someone these questions won't make them do something self-destructive. In fact, giving them an opportunity to talk about their feelings may reduce the risk of them acting on those thoughts. If they are having thoughts of suicide, don't act shocked, judgmental or tell them to snap out of it. Be respectful, acknowledge their feelings, encourage them to call the suicide prevention lifeline and offer to help them take the necessary steps to seek professional help. Most important, do not leave them alone, and remove all items they may be able to use to hurt themselves. To find out more about suicide and prevention, please go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website at www.afsp.org and help us fight suicide in West Georgia. By educating yourself and others about suicide, you may help save a life one day. May I ask a favor of you? World Suicide Prevention Day is on Monday, Sept. 10. Thousands of people around the world will light a single candle near a window at 8 p.m. to show their support for suicide prevention, to remember lost loved ones and for the survivors of suicide. Would you light a candle with us to remember our loved ones included in this issue and the other beautiful souls who left this world too soon? Also, if you have a moment, please say a prayer for our precious Tristan and our family on Sept. 17. In This Issue Our cover feature this month is Mrs. Anne Josey. Anne lost her nephew, Buck, to suicide on May 20, 2012. Determined to make a difference and bring awareness to suicide prevention, Anne walked a 500-mile pilgrimage from France to Spain and raised $30,000 for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention in Buck's memory. Anne has dealt with her own struggles with anxiety and depression her entire life, and shares her story of hope and healing with us on page 12. Beginning on page 24, we honor the faces of suicide in West Georgia, including remembrances and photos of those we have lost. These survivors have shared the memories of their loved ones with you in hopes of helping other survivors navigate the loss of a special person to suicide, or perhaps help save the life of someone who may be contemplating suicide. We are so thankful to our editorial contributors for their honesty and courage. We have created a video in honor of our loved ones who were included in this issue and past issues. You can view the video on our website, www.westgeorgiawoman.com, or our Facebook page, @WestGaWoman. Please share this issue with everyone you know to help bring awareness in our communities. Together, we can make a difference in the fight against suicide in West Georgia. Your life is a beautiful gift to the world. Please don't give up. See you next month,
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Publisher/Survivor
Finding our voice. Knowing our value. Making a difference. TM
West Georgia Woman is a voice for and about the women who live and work in West Georgia. Our mission is to engage, inspire, and cultivate a cohesive community for all women in West Georgia by sharing our hopes, our dreams and our lives. This magazine would not be possible without the inclusion of our advertisers. Please be sure to show your support by doing business with these VIP’s (very important partners) so we will be able to continue to share with you our stories about amazing West Georgia women! Please be sure to tell them we sent you! Inspiring women wanted.
We welcome your comments and suggestions. Contact us: Angela@westgeorgiawoman.com (404) 502-0251
Woman
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Volume 3 • Issue 11 September 2018
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All submissions will be included as space is available. West Georgia Woman reserves the right to reject or edit any submissions that are not in compliance with our editorial policy. If you wish to have your submission returned, please include a self addressed This issue is not intended to imply that stamped envelope along with your submisit will prevent a suicide from occurring sion. by reading the editorial within. All West Georgia Woman is a monthly pubeditorial is for informational purposes lication of Angel Media, LLC. All contents of only. If you or someone you know is this issue are copyright 2018. West Georgia suicidal please go to the nearest emerWoman magazine, its logo and “Finding gency room or dial 911 for help. our voice. Knowing our value. Making a Mail correspondence to: difference.” are trademarks of Angel Media, LLC. All rights reserved. West Georgia Woman Reproduction without permission is strictly P.O. Box 2782 prohibited. Carrollton, GA 30112
Publisher/Editor
Angela Dailey angela@westgeorgiawoman.com
Copy Editor Editorial Contributor
Shala Hainer shala@westgeorgiawoman.com
Photographer for cover Mark Steffey
Editorial Contributors
Charlene Brooks, Candace Cody, Janet Flanigan, Cheryl A. Francis, L.P.C., Rose Isaacs, Allison Key, M.D., Kevin Phillips and Gil Royal.
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Zachary Dailey Zachary@westgeorgiawoman.com Angela Brooks Dailey, owner and publisher of West Georgia Woman magazine, has lived in West Georgia most of her life and has a deep love and appreciation for the area. She received her B.B.A in management from The University of West Georgia in Carrollton, Ga., and is a Civil and Domestic Relations mediator and arbitrator registered with the Georgia Office of Dispute Resolution. She lives in Carrollton, and has two wonderful children, Zachary and Sydney Dailey. Angela enjoys reading, spending time with her children and extended family and loves to watch Sydney play soccer.
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Photos by Mark Steffey
Out of the
Darkness
Newnan Resident Anne Josey Shares Her Story of Healing and Hope 13 By Janet Flanigan
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n the summer of 1996, a photo appeared in a local Richmond, Va., newspaper, featuring a cotton-headed young boy flying a toy bird in his yard, the grass he was playing on was edged with a white picket fence. It is a quintessential photo of American boyhood; a child relishing the joys of freedom and summer. No one could have imagined that a mere 16 years later, on May 20, 2012, this beautiful child named Ray Mercer Paul, III – known to all as Buck – would take his own life.
An Idyllic Life Buck was born into a family and lifestyle that most would describe as enviable. He had loving and supportive parents, a younger sister to whom he was devoted and a myriad of cousins and relatives who enjoyed each other’s company. Like many in his family, Buck had a keen sense of humor, although he was slightly quieter than his other boisterous family members. Born and raised in Richmond, Buck attended St. Christopher’s School, a college preparatory school for boys, and Hall Grove School in Bagshot Surrey, England. After high school graduation, Buck went to Hampden-Sydney College, a prestigious private liberal arts college for men in Virginia, where he was well-liked and a popular member of the Theta Chi
Buck, far right, posing for a photo with his cousins.
fraternity. Passionate about acting and theater, Buck had been active in theater in high school and continued acting in college. He briefly contemplated pursuing a theatrical profession after graduation, but ultimately chose a business-oriented path. He was very proud of his diverse work experiences during and after college. One summer break from college, Buck thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated visiting China through an internship with the Universal Leaf Tobacco Company, Inc. He also relished working in his uncle’s salt mines and as a farm hand on his grandparents' farm in Highland County, Va. Additionally, summers brought many happy memories and treasured experiences spent with his cousins at Camp Virginia, a Paul family tradition that continues today.
A Bright Future Upon graduation from Hampden-Sydney, Buck was first employed by the law firm BrownGreer, PLC in Richmond and later, Enterprise Holdings, where he was working at the time of his death. Enterprise Holdings is a company well-regarded for its training and promotion of its employees, helping young professionals develop excellent and proficient skills to create successful careers. Buck
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had been accepted into the company's renowned management program and he seemed excited about his future. His supervisors and managers reported he was doing very well in the program.
An Unexpected Tragedy Buck was a young man with a full life, a promising future, friends and a loving, supportive family. Yet, he chose to complete suicide on a lovely Virginia spring evening. Around the time of his death, he maintained his sharp sense of humor and connection to his family. Buck gave no indication he was suffering in any way. As was their way, Buck’s family gathered at the parental home most Sunday evenings for supper and a good catch-up on everyone’s week. On Sunday, May 20, Buck called his parents to say he would miss the family get-together, as he had plans to instead dine with his roommates. He did meet his friends for the meal and, again, offered no indication that he was in distress. After dinner, Buck left the table and went to his room in the apartment. He closed his bedroom door, changed his clothes and took his own life. He left no note explaining his actions but on his
Anne says Buck thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated visiting China through an internship with the Universal Leaf Tobacco Company, Inc. Top right: Buck (right) in a tobacco field in Hubei, China; Bottom left: Buck, holding a new reptile friend; Bottom right: Buck (right), learns how to make Chinese dumplings.
bed was a diary he had begun keeping during his internship in China. In the diary he wrote: “I have the most wonderful family and friends. I have traveled and seen the world. I have loved and been loved. Thank you for a wonderful life.” He was only 25 years old.
A Family History Buck’s paternal aunt, Anne Paul Josey, of Newnan, Ga., understands the bane of depression all too well as she has also suffered with it for most of her life. “I first remember feeling different when I was only 4 years old,” she recalls. “I was at my own 4th birthday party and distinctly felt I was ‘outside looking in’.” Anne noticed all the other kids who were guests at her party were running around and having fun, while she felt she was just going through the motions. “This feeling of otherness has been a thread that has run through my entire life, combined with an added layer of sadness and fear,” she shares. As a young girl, Anne did not know that other family members, including her father, suffered from depression. “While other family members suffered with depression, we were not a family that talked about things," she explains. "My feelings and
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sadness were so difficult to talk about, I would write notes to my mother trying to explain how I was suffering.” Much like her nephew, Anne’s life growing up – as viewed by others – was seemingly wonderful. She was born into a prominent Richmond family, that presented her with opportunities not available to everyone. She enjoyed summers at Virginia Beach, at the pool and playing tennis. Anne had many friends and experienced excellent private schooling that ultimately led to her acceptance at the private all-women’s college, Mary Baldwin University, in Staunton, Va. While at school, Anne developed friendships that last to this day. Her older sister also attended Mary Baldwin and, as a competitive sister, Anne wanted to prove herself. She did so and more, achieving the academic distinction of graduating Phi Beta Kappa, the nation's oldest academic honor society.
An Unrelenting Illness While success was happening on the outside, on the inside Anne still experienced terrible feelings of inadequacy, fear and a deep, dark sadness. She says those feelings held her back and limited her
4TH ANNUAL
One of Buck's family's favorite photos of him during his college years. An excerpt from the diary found on his bed reads: “I have the most wonderful family and friends. I have traveled and seen the world. I have loved and been loved. Thank you for a wonderful life.” He was only 25 years old.
Fundraising Luncheon THURSDAY OCTOBER 25, 2018 11:00 am until 2:00 pm The Newnan Centre, 1515 Lower Fayetteville Rd., Newnan, GA 30265
Featuring Guest Speaker TERESA TOMLINSON Mayor, Columbus, GA Woman of the Year Announced!
SILENT AUCTION Purses, Jewelry, Travel & more!
COWETA COUNTY WOMEN & CHILDREN’S FUND
SPONSORSHIPS AND TICKETS AVAILABLE | Please visit www.cowetafoundation.org or call The Foundation at 770.253.1833
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potential. “I was always wondering, ‘Why am I not happy?'" she says. "Any negative situation took on a bigger life than it should. I just learned how to adjust and cope with my feelings of depression. I had a fear of everything and a fear of nothing.” She says she was also hyper-aware of the pain of others and tended to carry their hurt along with her own. In the fall of her junior year, Anne and her family were devastated by the sudden death of her father. She made it through that year and, as part of her French major, she was accepted into an immersive French program in Paris during the fall of her senior year. She traveled to Paris and began to settle in with her French studies. After only two months abroad, Anne was involved in a car accident, breaking her leg and making it impossible for her to continue with the French program. She spent six weeks in the hospital for medical care and recuperation and, rather than participating in the euphoria of a French experience, Anne returned to home to the Mary Baldwin campus, hobbling around on crutches. “Back then, I never talked with anyone about what I had been feeling. For so much in my life, I was just going through the motions," she shares. "Then I experienced the traumas of losing my father and the loss of my health and the shortened stay in France. I thought I was coping with the losses and depression, but I wasn’t.” This pattern of depression, a masking of feelings and Anne’s belief that she was coping, went on for years after her graduation from college. Because of her empathy for the suffering of others, Anne was drawn to the world of non-profits. “God has given me the ability to articulate the needs for a particular program or agency and the skill of asking for and raising money for the cause,” she relates. After her college graduation, Anne moved to Atlanta and began building a quality résumé and a good reputation for development in the non-profit sector. She has enjoyed success in the development of a variety of non-profits including: the Atlanta Ballet; The American Heart Association; The Heritage School in Newnan, Ga.; C.L.I.C.K., a Newnan organization that promotes literacy in the community; Piedmont Hospital; Habitat for Humanity; the Coweta Community Foundation; and Christian City Home for Children, to name a few.
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623 DIXIE STREET – CARROLLTON, GA While in her mid-20s and working an exciting job with the American Heart Association, Anne was lying – even to herself – that life was great. Though outwardly successful, she was not coping with her persistent fears and negative thoughts. At age 26, her attempts to control the depth of those negative feelings manifested in an eating disorder. Eating disorders can sometimes result when someone feels out of control in most areas of their life, but the person has complete control of what she puts in her mouth. People suffering from eating disorders have an increased incidence of suicidal and self-harming behaviors, and suicide is one of the leading causes of death in anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa cases, according to U.S. National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health. When Anne realized she had developed an eating disorder, she recognized she needed professional help. After undergoing an evaluation from a licensed professional, she finally learned the truth: she received a clinical diagnosis of depression. As was common for the times, Anne's family did not openly discuss feelings, depression or sadness, but Anne realizes now that the ultimate key to her recovery has been being able to speak openly about her struggles.
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A Walk To Remember After Buck’s death, Anne felt compelled to honor her nephew. She had been contemplating a pilgrimage walk on the Camino de Santiago in France and Spain. The Camino de Santiago (also known as the Way of Saint James) is a network of pilgrimages from France, Portugal and Spain all ending at the Cathedral de Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain. Many pilgrims follow its routes as a form of spiritual path, or as a retreat for spiritual growth. The Way of Saint James has been in continual use since the remains of Saint James the Apostle were discovered in 812 A.D. The walk is an arduous journey of hundreds of miles, over terrain both beautiful and treacherous. Pilgrims who have completed the walk often say it is a life changing voyage. Anne was not sure why she felt compelled to undertake this challenge that would involve walking over 500 miles and leaving her husband behind to care for their home and their young dog for six weeks. She began praying to God, asking Him for guidance: “Why, Lord, do I want to do this? What purpose will it serve? Am I being selfish?” She says once she began asking God about the pilgrimage, He answered her immediately: “Do it for others. Put your talents to use. Do it in memory of Buck.” Anne took those directives very seriously and decided to train in earnest for
A cathedral in the Leboreiro area of Galicia, Spain. Anne says she tried to go into every church and cathedral during her pilgrimage walk, and many of the churches would hold a pilgrim's mass at 8 p.m. every evening. Pilgrimage photos courtesy of Anne Josey.
Left: On her way to Pamplona, Spain. Anne says she had already walked five miles of the 18 she did that day, so she was still fresh.
Right: The Cruz de Ferro is a steel cross placed high on top of a wooden pole. Pilgrims traveling the Camino de Santiago leave a stone representing a sadness, a burden or a prayer. Placing the stone at the cross before entering Santiago symbolizes a release of burdens. Anne's husband wrote Buck's name in calligraphy on the stone Anne left at the cross.
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the difficult task while simultaneously trying to raise money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) in Buck's memory. “When I first thought about raising money for suicide prevention, I mentioned it to a friend who is a life coach," Anne recalls. "She asked what was my goal? When I said $10,000 she suggested I go for $20,000. She said my eyes lit up at the ambitious amount and that decided it." During her campaign to raise funds for suicide prevention, Anne not only achieved her goal of $20,000, but she raised even more with the final tally being over $30,000 and, in the summer of 2016, Anne completed her pilgrimage walk in honor of her beloved nephew. The next year, Anne and her husband, Taylor, were invited to the AFSP annual gala in New York City. There, they experienced an exciting evening with like-minded individuals who are committed to ending the tragedy of suicide. After Buck's death, his parents also became active with the AFSP, and his father, Anne’s brother, Ray, is now a member of the board of directors for the foundation.
Photo by Vivaelcelta, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=32851077
A map of Anne's 500 mile Pilgrimage from France to the Cathedral de Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, Spain.
"500 Miles and $20,000 in Loving Memory of My Nephew, Buck Paul." On Oct. 7, 2015, Anne created a personal fundraiser on the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's website. Her campaign raised over $30,000. Below is an excerpt from her campaign page: "Dear Friends, I am asking for your prayers and support. This summer, I am undertaking a very personal, spiritual journey. I am going to walk 490 miles on the Camino de Santiago (The Way of Saint James) from France and across northern Spain. I truly feel that God has called me to undertake this journey to bring attention to a cause that is very important to me: raising money for suicide prevention. Death by suicide has deeply impacted my family. I make this journey in memory of my beloved nephew, Buck Paul. I am committed to raising money in honor of his life and of his goodness. I hope that you, too, will join me by making a donation and by sharing this page with as many people as you can. We are not alone in our grief. So many families have suffered their own losses. Together, we can save others from being in pain or from losing someone you love. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is at the forefront of research, advocacy, education and prevention initiatives designed to reduce loss of life from suicide. With more than 36,000 lives lost each year in the U.S. and over one million worldwide, the importance of AFSP's mission has never been greater, nor our work more urgent. I hope you will consider supporting my participation in this event. Any contribution will help the work of AFSP, and all donations are 100 percent tax deductible. Thank you for considering this request for your support." Sincerely, Anne
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Even with the completion of her pilgrimage walk and her success in raising so much money for the AFSP, Anne was still struggling with her own depression. After such an accomplishment, one would think she would have been feeling on top of the world. Instead, she felt exhausted and very emotional. She was feeling dark and was unable to rouse herself to participate in daily life. "My life was changed," she shares. "It was a struggle to handle that and channel overwhelming emotions into 'who am I?' and I just couldn't find my footing." She needed help to get through this dark time. But, instead of hiding it or faking it, Anne was honest with friends and family. One thing she says that has always been critical to her survival is talking about her situation with those closest to her. “People need to realize it is okay to tell a friend or loved one you are not acting like yourself,” she shares. “If you need help, you need to stop and ask for it. There is no shame in asking for help. You need to be your own advocate in your own health, whether you have depression or another illness. Help is out there. "After being diagnosed in my mid-20s, depression is an integral part of my being," she relates. "I just have to be diligent and stay on top of it.”
Exploring New Treatments Anne says therapies are constantly expanding and new treatments for suicidal thoughts and depression are ever more available. She has tried a variety
Anne in Navarre, Spain. During her journey, she walked through many flocks of sheep and met several shepherds along the way.
of treatments, and found relief with Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, or, TMS. This treatment for depression involves delivering repetitive magnetic pulses, so it's called repetitive TMS or rTMS. Repetitive TMS is a noninvasive procedure that is typically used when other treatments such as talk therapy or medications for depression don't work, according to the Mayo Clinic. During a TMS session, an electromagnetic coil is placed against the scalp near the forehead. The electromagnet coil painlessly delivers a magnetic pulse that stimulates nerve cells in the region of the brain that controls mood and depression. Unlike deep brain stimulation or vagus nerve stimulation, rTMS does not require implantation of electrodes or surgery. And, unlike electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), rTMS does not require sedation with anesthesia or cause seizures. Doctors believe rTMS may activate those regions of the brain that show decreased activity for people who suffer from depression. Repetitive TMS is usually performed on an outpatient basis in a clinic or physician's office, and requires a series of treatment sessions to be fully effective. Sessions are normally carried out on a daily basis, five times a week for four to six weeks. The rTMS sessions worked for Anne, and she did not even need to complete the full course of sessions before she began feeling better.
Speaking Openly About Suicide In 2017, Anne (left), with her brother, Ray (center; Buck's father), her sister, Cappy (right) and her brother Henry (not pictured) attended the Lifesaver's Gala for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. The AFSP holds the Lifesaver's Gala each year to honor individuals and organizations that have made a substantial contribution to suicide prevention. Through her pilgrimage walk, Anne raised $30,000 for the AFSP in memory of Buck. After Buck passed, his parents became involved with the AFSP, and his father, Ray, is a member of the AFSP foundation's board of directors.
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“One of the biggest misconceptions around suicide is that talking about it will cause it,” says Lisa Danylchuck, LMFT, an Oakland, Calif., therapist who specializes in trauma therapy and works with people who experience suicidal thoughts. "Giving people a space to explore their feelings related to suicide often helps them process their
RalphE.E.Fleck, Fleck,Jr., Jr.,M.D. M.D. Ralph JubalR. R.Watts, Watts,M.D. M.D. Jubal GregoryS.S.Slappey, Slappey,M.D. M.D. Gregory Anthony W. Colpini, M.D. Anthony W. Colpini, M.D. BradG. G.Prybis, Prybis,M.D. M.D. Brad KevinM. M.Charron, Charron,M.D. M.D. Kevin TaylorB.B.Cates, Cates,M.D. M.D. Taylor FranklinPence, Pence,M.D. M.D. E.E.Franklin Ki-HonLin, Lin,M.D. M.D. Ki-Hon ShomariA. A.Ruffn, Ruffin, M.D. Shomari M.D. BryanKirby, Kirby,M.D. M.D. Bryan DavidA. A.Scruggs, Scruggs,P.A.-C P.A.-C David MichaelC. C.Gravett, Gravett,P.A.-C P.A.-C Michael Andrea Maxwell, F.N.P. Andrea Maxwell, F.N.P. Alisha Schuchman,N.P.-C N.P.-C Alisha Schuchman, BritniLockwood, Lockwood,P.A.-C P.A.-C Britni 24
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to happen "out of the blue," according to Dr. Michael Miller, assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Many people who complete suicide do so without letting on they are thinking about it or planning it,” he says. Thomas Joiner, Ph.D., an American academic psychologist and leading expert on suicide, says although some suicides may appear to happen with no warning, that really is just a myth. "Death by suicide can both shock loved ones and be planned for weeks, months or even years," he explains. "This is because of the human capacity, quite spectacular in some cases, for privacy and secrecy. Except in works of fiction, I have never encountered a death by suicide that was truly impulsive. Many clinicians have mistakenly deemed suicidal deaths impulsive merely because they seemed to be 'out of the blue'." Others who complete suicide have an identifiable mental health problem like addiction, anxiety or depression, but, others may not. Some talk about wanting or planning to kill themselves or give hints, while others don’t. Every suicide, just like every person, is unique, and, often the loved ones left behind are left with so many unanswered questions. Such was the case with Buck. Anne says the family has always wanted to know the reasons behind Buck taking his own life. Suicide is particularly devastating for those left behind, and it can be especially difficult when there is seemingly no A Paul family photograph. Buck Paul (seated), his sister, Margaret Paul (standing) and their explanation as to why their loved dog, Daisy. This photo and the photo of Buck on page 16 courtesy of Tyler Paul. one completed suicide. feelings," she says. "It also helps those concerned Suicide almost always raises to monitor the severity of suicidal ideation and reach questions among friends and family such as "What out for the appropriate support when necessary.” could I have done to prevent this from happening?" However, there are many suicides that seem or, "What did I miss?" Sometimes, the sad truth
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is nothing was missed and nothing could have changed the outcome. "Many people never let on what they are feeling or planning," Dr. Miller explains. “The paradox is that the people who are most intent on completing suicide know that they have to keep their plans to themselves if they are to carry out the act. Thus, the people most in need of help may be the toughest to save.”
Out Of The Darkness Sharing her story and Buck’s with others is part of a total plan of therapeutic care for Anne. Depression is a serious medical disorder, and, as with other illnesses, the care and compassion of others is part of recovery. But, people cannot provide care and compassion if they are not aware of another’s suffering. This is why it is so important to reach out for help if you are experiencing depression. Anne says her personal experiences with depression and treatment continue to aid her in her work as director of major gifts for Christian City in Union City, Ga. In 1965, a group of concerned citizens from various Christian churches in the area founded Christian City. The community's first cottage was built on 50 donated acres of land and
was used as a refuge for children who needed a loving and caring home. The Christian City campus has expanded over the years to include 500 acres. Six "programs" are housed on campus to serve all people regardless of their worldview: The Children's Village consists of family-style group homes staffed by full-time house parents who provide a stable and loving environment for youth who have been victims of neglect, abuse or abandonment; a safe place agency for children in crisis; the crossroads foster care and adoption program; an affordable independent living community for senior citizens; a highly rated healthcare facility that includes skilled nursing and rehabilitation as well as memory care and alzheimer's support units; and an active volunteer program where residents of Christian City and communities nearby can serve others. Through her work with people who have faced unimaginable hardships and sadness that many would find heartbreaking and difficult to face, Anne says her experiences only strengthen her resolve and understanding. By sharing her own pain and battles with depression and by sharing Buck's story, Anne is sending a positive message to others who suffer that there is hope for everyone, and there is no reason to face the darkness of depression alone. WGW
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The Faces
OF Suicide By Angela Dailey 24 Letters from survivors: Candace Cody, Allison Key, M.D. and Kevin Phillips.
"
I
f his song is to continue, we must do the singing." beautiful nephew would not die in vain. I recently saw this quote while watching the As I write this article, we are facing the third 1983 film, "Adam." Some of you may remember anniversary of Tristan's death on September 17. The the story of Adam Walsh, a 6-year-old boy who was last three years have truly been the most difficult abducted in 1981 from the toy department of a years of my life. It sometimes feels as if he's been Sears department store in Hollywood, Fla. gone a lifetime and, still, at other times it feels as if After his abduction, Adam was brutally murdered, we only lost him yesterday. But, no matter how much and his parents John and Revé Walsh used their time passes, there's not a day that goes by that I personal tragedy to educate others about child don't think of our beloved Tristan. abduction and I was working worked tirelessly on the inaugural to lobby for new issue of West laws to protect Georgia Woman children in the magazine when United States. Tristan passed Because of away, and my John and Revé world literally Walsh, the stopped for National Center several weeks. for Missing My friend, Shala and Exploited Hainer, was my Children was rock during this created, and time. In fact, if it numerous weren't for Shala children have and her help, I been recovered would not have from their been able to abductors. They publish that first knew they could issue. not allow their I was so son to die in overcome with vain – and over grief, it was almost the next 30 unbearable. plus years, they There were dedicated their so many nights I lives to honoring would wake up Adam's memory. from a restless They are still sleep – when I was honoring Adam able to sleep at today through all – crying out in their work. anguish: "Why? When my Why Tristan? Why beautiful 22-yeardid you do this? old nephew, You incredibly Angela's beloved nephew, Tristan, with her dog, Dixie. Tristan, took his beautiful boy – own life, I knew why did you do I had to help others through West Georgia Woman this to yourself and to us? Don't you know how much magazine. Those who may be contemplating I love you? How much we all love you?" suicide, those who are surviving the loss of a loved During the day, I was like a zombie, barely going one by suicide and to help educate those who may through the motions of daily life, feeling nothing but not know anything about suicide and its life-altering immense and soul-destroying pain. affects on so many. Although Tristan's death was I'm so thankful I had to drive my daughter to senseless and tragic, I, too, was determined that my school during that time because I'm not sure I would
"If his song is to continue, we must do the singing."
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You learn to cherish the time spent with those most important to you, because tomorrow is never promised to us. You stop worrying about ridiculous things that have no real meaning. You learn that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. You learn to live again without them. have gotten out of bed otherwise. Every morning, I would take her to school and I would cry during the 30 minute drive there and the 30 minutes back home. I would sit for hours looking at his pictures and videos with tears pouring down my face. Before Tristan passed away, I never knew human beings had such a large capacity of tears inside of them. They just never stopped. When I think back on those first few weeks, I'm still amazed at how much I cried during that time. Two weeks after he passed away, I had a tremendous desire to write about Tristan. I had to tell the world – or at least my small part of the world – who Tristan was and what he meant to me. Before West Georgia Woman, I had never written and published anything in my life, and writing is still one of the things I struggle with most – although now I write a large percentage of the magazine articles each month. Writer's block is definitely something I struggle with on a daily basis. But, writing about Tristan, my grief and my love for him was different. The words literally just poured
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out of me. That was the easiest article I've ever written, technically speaking, but the most difficult one from an emotional perspective. Even now, three years later, I cannot stop the tears from falling as I read that first article I wrote about him. It takes me back to a time of tremendous sorrow, anguish and grief that is difficult to revisit. I published that first article in Nov. 2015 in our inaugural issue of West Georgia Woman, and I was overwhelmed at the phone calls, emails, Facebook messages, cards and letters I received from so many caring people in West Georgia. I was so touched by their kindness and generosity of spirit, and my family and I will be forever grateful for the thoughts and prayers that were sent out to us. Because our readership has grown exponentially over the last three years, I want to share the article I wrote about Tristan again with all of those who may not have read my loving tribute to him in our first issue. My hope is that you'll read it and understand how truly devastating the effects of suicide are for the loved ones who are left behind.
Lessons Learned From Grief For those of you who have recently lost a loved one to suicide, I want you to know that things do get better. For a long time after Tristan died I thought they never would, but they do. You will never get over the loss, but you will get through it, day by day. Sometimes, you only have the strength to make it through minute by minute, and that's OK, too. I know what you're going through. You will forget things. You will misplace all sorts of every day items. You will drive down the road and realize you missed your exit five miles ago. You will ask people to repeat things because you didn't hear them the first three times. You will weep for no reason at all, or, for every reason that has to do with the loss of your loved one. You will cry until you think it's not possible to cry anymore, and then you will cry some more. You will be overcome with sadness, and then you will be overcome with anger, sometimes within just a few minutes of one another. Your friends and family will feel helpless because they aren't able to do something to help ease your pain. You may even have thoughts that you don't want to live in this world without the one you've lost. It's important that you realize this is only the intense
grief making you feel this way, and if you ever get to the point that you are contemplating suicide, then please reach out to someone and get help. You do not have to go through this tragedy alone. You may become angry with the people who dole out those endless platitudes about how your loved one is so much happier now that he's walking on streets of gold with rainbows and puppies trailing behind him, apparently just having a grand old time while you're here on earth wondering why in the hell he left you like this. They will tell you how God planned this senseless tragedy for you and your loved one all along, because something great will come out of this horrible, awful thing. You will also learn how to smile and thank those people for their concern, because you know they mean well and are only trying to comfort you the best way they know how. You will learn that even if you do have the same beliefs as they do, it's still not easy or welcome to hear those things after a loved one has passed away in such a tragic manner. You may not be able to accept the fact that your loved one is gone right away. Some days, it will take all the strength you can muster just to get out of bed and go about your
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daily life. Be kind to yourself on those days, and on the better days, do something – if you are able – to honor the life your loved one lived, no matter how small the gesture. Tell someone they look beautiful. Tell a friend or another loved one how happy you are that they are a part of your life. Offer a hug and a listening ear to someone having a hard time. Smile at a stranger. I can tell you from personal experience that your empathy level rises exponentially after a tragedy like this. You learn to be kinder, gentler, more loving and patient. And, that empathy is also extended to yourself because you also will learn that your time is worth more to you now. You don't waste it on people who aren't kind to you or who don't add value to your life. You learn to cherish time spent with those most important to you, because tomorrow is never promised to us. You stop worrying about ridiculous things that have no real meaning. You learn that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. You learn to live again without them.
The love never ends. Nothing will ever stop those closest to you from loving you, and each and every one of those people who love you want you and need you here with them – for better or for worse.
There Is Help Available Suicide affects all races, all ethnicities, all ages, all religions and all socioeconomic statuses. Suicide rates have been rising in almost every state. In the U.S. nearly 45,000 Americans age 10 or older died by suicide in 2016 – approximately one death by suicide every 12 minutes – and suicide is the 10th leading cause of death overall; the third leading cause of death for youth age 10 to 14; the second leading cause of death among people age 15 to 34; the fourth leading cause of death among people age 35 to 44; the fifth leading cause among people age 45 to 54 and the eighth leading cause among people 55 to 64 years of age, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Suicide is often the end result of multiple factors
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composed of often complex situations leading up to the person’s decision to end their life, that may include psychiatric illnesses or mental disorders that may not have been recognized or treated, such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, or substance abuse. Studies have shown that 90 percent of all people who die by suicide experience some type of mental illness, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. However, there is hope for those suffering because these illnesses are most often treatable with medication and therapy. Having suicidal thoughts does not mean a person is flawed or weak. They may be sick and they need help. Although Tristan did have a major disruptive event happen in his life at the time of his death, he was also a victim of multiple traumatic life experiences between the ages of 8 and 15 years old that I personally believe were the largest contributing factors in his tragic death. If you are reading this and have had or may be having thoughts of suicide, I’m asking you to please seek professional help. Not only because of the
tremendous pain it will cause for your loved ones, but most important, for yourself. Don’t let your beautiful story end here. No one knows what the future holds for you and what purpose you will serve in this life – your one, beautiful life. You matter - you do! Your life matters to so many people even if you don’t feel like it does right now. Tristan was so beautiful, so talented and funny. He was such an intelligent person, and I loved him with everything I had and I always will, but he wasn’t perfect – none of us are. Tristan could be a real pain sometimes – he could be stubborn, judgemental, moody and unpredictable, and I know those closest to me can attest to the fact that I have been far worse than that and can act in the most unloving of ways on occasion. But, the love never ends. It doesn't! No matter where you are in your life right now, no matter what you’ve done in the past, no matter how much of a burden you believe you may be to others, nothing will ever stop those closest to you from loving you, and each and every one of those people who love you want you and need you here with them – for better or for worse. In spite of everything – the love remains. Suicide is preventable. You don't have to face depression or mental health issues alone. There are so many people who want to help you through your
pain and sadness. You are not a burden to others if you reach out for help. Your friends and loved ones want to be there for you. Please. Just reach out to someone. If you feel feel you have no one close to you to reach out to for help, please call the 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273TALK (8255) or, you can text the Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the United States, anytime, about any type of crisis. Through these channels, you will find nonjudgmental, caring and compassionate people to help you through whatever situation you may find yourself dealing with.
A Loving Tribute The following pages include the many faces of suicide, stories from survivors in West Georgia and some photos of our loved ones who lost their lives as victims of suicide. We survivors all share the same common goals: That not one more person should die by suicide and no one else should go through the tremendous pain that we have been through as survivors. Together, we will continue to be the voice for our loved ones, and we will continue to sing their song. WGW
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A Letter From the Heart An in-depth look at loss, and a celebration of a beautiful life
This article was originally published in the Nov. 2015 issue of West Georgia Woman magazine.
By Angela Dailey
M
y nephew, Tristan Alexander Brooks, only 22 years old, full of life, love and laughter, passed away on Sept. 17, 2015. A beautiful fall day full of warmth and sunshine became a day filled with cold and bleak mourning for our family. There was no warning, no time for goodbyes. He was just gone. Forever. As I write about Tristan, it has been 14 days since his death. It still feels like the first day – except on the first day, I felt as if this wasn't really happening. It was so surreal knowing he wasn't alive any longer. We have now laid him to rest, and I am 100 percent sure I'm not dreaming. He is gone, and no amount of sleeping and waking up from this horrible nightmare in the morning will bring him back to life. This intense and incredible pain follows me everywhere. The pain is there when I wake up in the morning, throughout the day and at night before I fall asleep. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about him. I have conversations with him in my head trying to make sense of the tragedy of his death. I ask him things like, "Do you know how much I love you Tristan?
Left: Tristan holding his cousin, Sydney Dailey, as a newborn. She was born on his 7th birthday. Right: Tristan's grandfather, Kin Brooks (PawPaw), giving Tristan (right), and Tristan's cousin, Zachary Dailey (left), a ride in the wheelbarrow.
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How much we all love you?" He answers me in my mind: "Of course I know, Angie." The last words I said to him were by text sent two days before he passed away. "I love you." I still wonder if he knew how great my love was for him. If he knew that I would do anything for him. That I would have moved the sun and the moon for him if he had asked. I ask him if he's OK and if he is here with me right now, but all I hear is silence. It's deafening. I always wondered what that phrase really meant; now, I know. I experience it every day. I am so very sad when I think about how I will never hear his voice again or hear him tell me he loves me. But, I hear his voice in my head, "I love you too, Angie." I pretend it's really him saying these things. I know how crazy this sounds, but I ask him every day to visit me in my dreams. "Please Tristan, I need to see you. I need to know that you're OK and happy." Only stillness follows my pleas to him in my head. In a daze, I watch random people pass by me during their daily activities as if this earth-shattering event in our lives has no meaning to them – which, of course, I understand it doesn't. I want to ask the woman in the grey scrubs at the grocery store if she has any idea what happened to my nephew. Surely if she knew, she would have a moment of silence for his precious soul. When the young man who is ringing up my groceries asks me how I'm doing, I want to tell him, "My sweet Tristan is dead and I'm dying inside too. I will never get past this horrible grief and despair." Instead I lie and tell him, "I'm fine, thank you," as I pay for my groceries. No one really wants to hear those things. Some friends and acquaintances look at me with discomfort and either avoid the subject altogether or skip around it with generic phrases like "Something good will come of this" or "This was God's plan. There are no mistakes with God." I know they mean well, but Tristan's death was senseless and tragic, and the only thing that will come out of this is sadness and pain, emptiness and grief. As for God's plan – why would God plan for this sweet, loving, precious child to be taken away from us during the prime of his life? Why are two beautiful baby boys left without their father for the rest of their lives? Why are those who loved him with all of their hearts and souls left behind and forced to walk through life without that beautiful, sweet young man who brought such joy to their lives? No more holidays, weddings, graduations, family gatherings or birthdays with him. He will never grow
old or see his beautiful grandchildren. He will never experience so many things. He was only 22 years old! I don't want to believe that God would plan for this horrible tragedy to happen in our lives. I'll never understand why Tristan is gone and other really awful people in this world are allowed to walk around tainting the universe until they die of old age. He was taken from us too soon. It was never supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to leave this earth before he did. God, are you listening? Would you mind checking your records again? I do believe this was a mistake. Some type of horrible clerical error upstairs. It wasn't supposed to be our Tristan, it was supposed to be that serial murderer who lives in the next county over or the rapist down the street or the child molester next door. I've always had a strong faith, but hearing that his life was cut so shockingly short and the overwhelming pain and loss the rest of us are left with is what God plans for us doesn't bring much comfort in this moment. Friends, please ask me about him. Don't avoid talking about him with me because that makes it seem as if he's not important – as if he were never here with us. I may cry as I'm telling you about him, but don't be afraid of my tears. The one thing I want most in this world is to honor him by talking about him. I want to share with you what a terrific person he was and how he made my life, and the lives of everyone he knew, so much better because he was here. I might tell you about when he was just a little toddler, he couldn't say Angie so he called me GiGi. When he was older he would snuggle up to me with that sweet charming smile of his and call me GiGi, and he knew he would get anything he wanted. Or, I might tell you about the time he cut our cat, Sugar's whiskers down to about an inch on each side because they were uneven. That poor cat didn't have any depth perception for a good two months after that little incident. I'll tell you that he was a leftie but had the neatest handwriting I've ever seen and he batted a baseball right handed. He was one of the hardest working
young men I've ever known, getting up before dawn every morning to take care of his family, always getting to work before everyone else. He loved steak biscuits from Martin's, Dr. Pepper, his Nana's sweet tea, New York strip steaks and Reese's peanut butter cups. He ordered his McDonald's hamburger with extra onions and no pickles. He was a polite young man who said "please" and "thank you." He was incredibly intelligent, and he was an avid reader – a straight-A student who loved reading about history, one of his favorite subjects. He loved Alabama football and his favorite color was purple. He always made me laugh. Tristan lived with me for a couple of years while in high school. He was always the first one to get out of bed every morning. While he was taking a shower and getting ready for school, the upbeat sounds of "I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas would fill the
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was visiting, we heard that song and Tristan told me he always thought of me when he heard it. I laughed, and told him when I'm dead and gone he would hear that song and think of me, and he would know I was always with him. Now it will only be me thinking of him when that song is playing. Sometimes when Tristan laughed, he had this silent body-shaking laugh in the beginning until the happiness overcame him and the laughter would finally pour out of his mouth like this beautiful and amazing melody you never wanted to stop playing. PawPaw holding Tristan (right) and Zachary (left). They loved wearing his straw hats. On Labor Day weekend 2008, he and my son, Zach, were outside trying to impress house every morning. To this day, when I hear that two young ladies from our neighborhood, Jenna song, I think of him. and Jerrica Eaves. We ended the evening in the I would walk into my living room where he emergency room after Tristan swung a golf club and would be lying on the couch and start having a conversation with him, only to realize he was asleep. accidentally broke Zach's nose and barely missed his eye. Seven stitches and several years later, Zach still He often slept with his eyes open, ever since he was sports that scar on his nose. Of course, I will always a little boy. Tristan had the most beautiful big, blue think of Tristan when I see that scar. eyes with these really long eyelashes that were like I took him on his first trips to New Orleans when butterfly wings caressing his cheeks. I was definitely he was a young boy and Disney World and Univerjealous of those eyelashes. sal Orlando when he was a teenager. In Jan. 2013, I would get home from work and school in the two years after Tristan had moved out, one of Zach's evenings, and I would be relaxing or studying on friends was trying to get back on his feet and was my bed when Tristan, his friend Frazier and my kids living with us for a few months. During this time, would burst into my room and pile themselves on Tristan stopped by my house to visit but, unfortop of me. I would yell at them to get off of me, all tunately had to leave before I got home from my of us laughing and enjoying that moment together daughter’s soccer game. He left me a lot of money as a family. for a kid his age, I think around $80, and I sent him a While text asking him about it when I found the money. He driving the told me he left the money for me "just to help out." kids to and I was going through a difficult life event last from school, Christmas and my Christmas gift from him was this we would listen to Dan beautiful cedar bird feeder. In the months after Christmas I would text him and call him to tell Fogelberg's him how popular it was with the birds and what a "Same Old wonderful gift the bird feeder was to me. He told Lang Syne" me he was glad I was enjoying it so much and he over and bought it for me hoping it would help with my life over again. transition. That was who Tristan was. He and I My daughter, Sydney, was born on Tristan's 7th would sing birthday. When she was little, he would let her crawl the lyrics into his lap, and he would wrap his arm around her together. and share an earbud with her while they listened to Last Tristan's grandmother, Charlene Brooks (Nana), his iPod. When she was older, they loved playing Christmas with Tristan at his kindergarten graduation. chess together – his favorite game. They would text when he He gave the best hugs.
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Tristan with Sydney. When she was little, he would let her crawl into his lap, and he would wrap his arm around her and share an earbud with her while they listened to his iPod. When she was older, they loved playing chess together – Tristan's favorite game.
each other funny pictures and make fun of each other like a brother and sister. They were sending funny texts to each other the night before he passed away. Tristan was the oldest at 22, my son Zachary is next at 21, and Tristan's brother, Nathaniel, is 20. They grew up together playing army and cars, having picnics and scavenger hunts organized by Nana at Nana and PawPaw's house. Nana babysat all of the kids while we worked. They loved to paint their faces with camouflage makeup and take on imaginary bad guys in the war of the century. When they were really little, they would dance to the song "Step in Time" from the movie Mary Poppins, arms linked together, skipping, jumping and dancing like Dick Van Dyke. PawPaw would put his straw hats on the boys and take them outside to work in the yard with him. When they were too small to walk around he would take the playpen outside and hand them a plastic rake or shovel so they could “help.” When they were old enough to walk, PawPaw would give them rides in the wheelbarrow all over the place. They didn't get much work done, but they sure did love those rides with their PawPaw. As they got older, the three of them loved hanging out together when they could, just being silly and competing to see who would say the funniest or most outrageous things to make the rest of us laugh. Usually Tristan would come up with the most shocking thing to say, and we would shake our heads trying to stifle our laughter and look at him sternly at the same time. Tristan had the most exuberant and spectacular hugs I've ever experienced in my life, especially when he was really happy or excited about something. The excitement would just pour through him deep into your soul. He would squeeze you so hard and laugh at the same time. I would love to have another of his hugs just once more. If we had a family gathering, we could always count on Tristan to be there. He loved all of his fami-
Warning Signs of Suicide • Talking about wanting to die • Looking for a way to kill oneself • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain • Talking about being a burden to others • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs • Acting anxious, agitated or recklessly • Sleeping too little or too much • Withdrawing or feeling isolated • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge • Displaying extreme mood swings The more of these signs a person shows, the greater the risk. Warning signs are associated with suicide but may not be what causes a suicide.
What To Do If someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide: • Do not leave the person alone • Remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt • Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) • Take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional *Warning signs provided by ReportingOnSuicide.org For a more comprehensive list of warnings for youth and adults, see pages 42, 43 and 47.
Left to right: Tristan's stepbrother, Andres Pérez, brother, Nathan Brooks, father, William Brooks, Tristan, stepmother, Emma Pérez-Brooks and stepbrother Rafael Pérez.
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ly on both sides. When we would text or talk on the phone, he would always ask me about his "Uncle Danny," my fiancé, Zach and Sydney. He called my ex-husband, Robby, "Uncle Robber" when he was very small, and continued to have a good relationship with Robby after our divorce. He loved his Nana and PawPaw and would always stay with them when he wanted to just get away for a while. Tristan was looking forward to moving to Texas to live near his dad, my brother William, William's wife Emma and his brother Nathan. Father and sons would finally be together again after several years of being apart. Tristan loved nature and being outdoors. William took him and Nathan camping many times throughout the years. Tristan had two stepbrothers, Andres and Rafael, who he also enjoyed hanging out with when they could get together. Tristan also had his own sweet family – Kennedy and his two sons Coen, 3, and Finnick, not even 2 months old. Tristan would often talk about how much Coen was like him, in his looks and his mannerisms. He was right. When we look at Coen it brings us back 19 years and we see our sweet little Tristan again in him. I am so very thankful that we have his legacy here, those beautiful, sweet babies who are a part of our precious Tristan. The last time he and I were able to spend a significant amount of time together was the day after his second son, Finnick, was born in July. We walked and talked and laughed on the grounds outside the hospital, and he told me how amazing
Top left: Tristan (right), with his father, William. Center right: Tristan, (center) with his brother, Nathan (left) and his cousin, Zachary (right). Bottom left: Tristan (left), with Dan Keever. Bottom right: Tristan (left) with Robby Dailey.
the miracle of childbirth was and how much respect he had for Kennedy and all women. He proudly told me about the good job he did while cutting the umbilical cord. We spent more time together in the gift shop so he could pick out the perfect flowers for Kennedy. He wrote her a sweet card to go with the flowers, balloon and adorable charm bracelet with the little baby feet charms he had picked out. He bought a big "It's a Boy" ribbon to hang on the hospital room door. In the elevator on the way back up to the room, he told me he loved all three of them with his entire being. The most devastating thing about my nephew's death – for me at least Left: Tristan, holding his newborn son, Finnick. Right: Tristan, holding his newborn son, Coen. – was that he passed Finnick was seven weeks old and Coen was three when their father passed away.
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away with no one there with him who loved him. He passed away with strangers surrounding him, attempting to save his life. No one deserves to die without someone who deeply loves them by their side. I hope one of those people held that sweet baby's hand. I wish I could have told Tristan goodbye. I wish I could have held his hand, kissed his cheek and told him I loved him just one more time. I wish I could have been there with him in those last moments, as he breathed his last breath, as his sweet and loving tender heart stopped beating. At his funeral service, I watched my son Zach, Tristan's cousin and lifelong buddy, now Tristan's pallbearer, help carry him to his final resting place. I wonder how that experience will affect my son's life. Tristan deserved to have those who loved him be with him to the very end. I was there outside the hospital room waiting for him to be born on that beautiful spring day in 1993, and I wouldn't leave him even as they covered him in his final resting place two weeks ago. Two of the most unforgettable and fragile moments in my life, and I was with Tristan through both – one full of joy and happiness, the other, tremendous pain and heartbreak. Life is so fragile. Spend your lives every day as if it were your last one on earth because it may very well be your last or the last for a loved one. Tell your loved ones how you feel. Share your truth with them. Be present and real with them, and share your hopes, dreams, fears and most of all, give them your time and your love.
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Be kind, and give them your forgiveness for their transgressions as well. Share good times and experiences with them. Those are the things people remember, not expensive gifts or tangible things that mean absolutely nothing in the end. I would give up every possession I own just to be able to spend time with Tristan once more. When he passed away, my brother and I were hanging on to every small thing that Tristan had ever been a part of or touched. Every new photo we found with him in it – even if it was only the back of his head, just his arm or leg or the top of his head in the photo – it was a reason for celebration. Old schoolwork I had saved of Tristan's became a treasure my brother could never replace. I fanatically saved screen shots of years of texts with Tristan and sobbed when I realized that any voicemails I received from him were no longer available. I scoured his Facebook page to make sure I had every photo he had ever put on his page. I asked his friends to send me screen shots of his texts or instant messages, and they kindly complied. Every moment, every photo, every thought and word that came from him was a small sliver of joy rising above our grief and pain for just a moment. If you have only digital photos of your loved ones, have them printed or have them upload automatically to a cloud site so you can see them as often as you want. I had another phone during the time Tristan lived with me, and I'm sure I had many photos of him on there, but that phone is long gone and I never printed those. Record your loved ones at family gatherings. I have a video of Tristan's 16th birthday party that I will treasure the rest of my life, and I can make copies and share them with others who love him. I haven't had a chance to look at our old VHS videos we have, but I know there are many with Tristan in them. Send a note or a card in the mail to a loved one. I promise you, in this digital age we live in, they
Left to right: Tristan, PawPaw, Nana, Zachary, William and Nathan.
will treasure that. My daughter, the most high-tech person I know, saves every handwritten note I write to her when I put one in her lunch box. I don't write one every day, but she has a stack of them in her lunchbox to read again when she needs a lift, a little encouragement or just a laugh. These are the things we will not only cherish when our loved one is gone, but also while they are still here with us. Try not to leave room for too many regrets, although I know you will have some. I do. I regret not calling Tristan from that Tuesday when we last texted each other until he passed away two days later on Thursday. I regret not letting Sydney play a last game of chess with Tristan the week before he died, which was the last day we saw him, hugged him and kissed
Tristan with his aunt, Angela (GiGi).
him. I was tired and wanted to go home, so we left without playing chess. I wish I would have let them have that time together playing the game he loved with his little cousin he loved and with whom he shared a birthday. I suppose I'll never know why the tragedy of Tristan's death occurred. All I can do now is try to get up every morning, knowing I have to live without him another day. I do know he is with me. He is with all of us who loved him. I know I will be able to see him again one day, and knowing that gives me some small measure of comfort and hope. For now, though, until we meet again, I am determined to share the memories of him that will live forever in our hearts. That sweet precious soul will never be forgotten. I love you, Tristan. Goodbye for now, you dear, sweet child.
WGW
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Please Stop Using The Phrase "Committed Suicide" Until the early 1960s, suicide was considered a criminal act in this country. The laws have changed, fortunately, but our language about suicide has not. Most people – including the media – still refer to someone dying by suicide as "committing suicide," which implies the person is guilty of some type of criminal act. The word "commit" can mean many things, but the term is typically used in a negative manner, and is often associated with some type of wrong-doing. Suicide is a public health issue. Ninety percent of people who die by suicide are suffering from some type of mental illness, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. People who take their own lives are not criminals, and suicide is not a crime. Many are struggling with severe emotional distress at the time of their deaths, and they feel there is no other solution to help them escape the pain they are enduring at that moment. 38
Mental health advocates usually use the term “died by suicide,” as it removes blame from the person who has lost their life and allows people to have a discussion about the disorder or disease from which they were suffering, such as depression or anxiety. This reduces the stigma of suicide by treating it as a public health concern, and not a criminal or moral issue. Next time, when you talk about suicide, please use the phrase "died by suicide," and don't be afraid to talk with survivors about their loved ones who have tragically died in this manner. By changing your language about suicide, you have the power to minimize the intense shame and stigma that is associated with suicide that many survivors are left with after their loved one's death. By showing compassion, kindness and changing your words, you can truly make a difference in the lives of those left behind. WGW
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Donald Lawrence Bone ” ” Larry
stigma, providing comfort to those hurting and by taking a stand to help prevent this from ever happening to another family. Our family is participating in our third "Out of The Darkness Walk" in Atlanta in November, 2018. The walk is a fundraiser for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. We walk as “Team Strawberry Fields,” Written by Candace Cody, Larry's niece. which is named after Larry’s favorite song. This picture was taken in 2012 the summer before Larry passed away. He went on a vacation to the Grand Canyon and the surrounding areas with his wife, Candace's aunt and his daughter, Lauren. The idea that I’m Candace says Larry loved the outdoors and anything to do with fishing. Lauren took this photo. paying it forward in memory of his life is something I hold very close to arry was hilarious. He kept our family my heart. His life mattered, and raising awareness in stitches at every birthday or holiday through his legacy is the greatest gift I could give to celebration. He was my mom’s little brother another family. and only sibling, and listening to those two tell After some encouragement, I feel led to share stories from their childhood was quite entertaining. a little something I’ve written. I think of a beautiful Larry was a husband, a father, a son, a brother, family photo that I cannot share in this article due to an uncle, a friend – and great at all of those and privacy reasons, but, I will share a mental image of his many other roles. The thing that is most difficult the photo with you. about describing Larry is having to write all of these things in past tense. That’s just something that never seems to stop stinging. On Oct. 28, 2012, 46 days before his 51st birthday, my uncle Larry took his own life. I still struggle with writing out that sentence, but what keeps me sharing his story is hope. The hope, that lies within his legacy, is an idea that we can stop the stigma of discussing suicide, that we can talk openly about the underlying causes, that we can comfort families and help prevent this from ever taking another human life. Sometimes there are warning signs, attempts and red flags. But, sometimes suicide seems so random and out of the blue – this was the case for our family. There’s so much stigma around suicide, regardless of the cause, that when it happens in your own family, sometimes you just don’t know what to say. Grief comes differently for each person. Candace displays a victory symbol over her "Out of the Darkness Sometimes in experiencing a loss by suicide, the Walk" logo. The tattoo on her arm is a semicolon – in memory of people left behind aren’t ever able to talk openly her uncle Larry. Project Semicolon is an organization dedicated about it – and that’s okay. My personal healing to the prevention of suicide, and the semicolon means your story comes by raising awareness, helping to stop the isn't over yet. Find out more at projectsemicolon.com.
December 13, 1961 – October 28, 2012
L
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Picture a stunning bride in a beautiful white gown and a sharply-dressed, handsome groom on their wedding day. The couple is surrounded by family, and everyone’s smiles just radiate absolute joy. This is a beautiful picture. Not just because it’s a record of the most special day in their lives, but also because these are the faces of a family once shattered by suicide. A couple lost their son. A wife lost her husband. Children lost their father. A sister lost her brother. Nieces lost their uncle. And children yet to be born, would miss the opportunity to meet a wonderful man. These are a fraction of the people that were affected by his sudden and devastating departure. When you’ve lost a loved one to suicide, life seems to stop. It’s like everything and everyone around you just keeps going on, living their lives, and you’re stuck in this fog of super slow motion. You go from sad to angry, and back to sad again – it’s a never-ending cycle of terrible emotions that you didn’t even know existed until you’re feeling them. There’s a million unanswered questions, and grief is thrown in your lap, whether you’re ready for it or not. Just making it through the day seems like the most daunting chore. Looking years ahead isn’t even on your radar. Sunny days are still dark and
nothing feels right. It’s hard. So, so hard. I’m here to tell you it gets better and life really does go on ... eventually. The fog will lift and you’ll be able to see clearly again. Everything changes and, for a while that’s really, really tough. You’re going to learn how to navigate through this new rocky path, and, after you’ve been on that road a while, it doesn’t seem so bumpy anymore. You’ll find yourself enjoying things again, slowly but surely. You’re going to laugh again. You’re going to find things that bring you true happiness again. You’re going to find a way to be you again. There’s always those sporadic moments of grief – and that’s okay. Allow yourself to feel those. It helps in the long run, I promise. Keep their legacy alive by finding a way to pay it forward – no matter how small or large those gestures are. Smile through the tears when you think back on those good times. So, back to the picture. This beautiful picture. It’s a reminder that life goes on, and we go on. We can celebrate the milestones again. Five years later, a widow became a new wife, and we can find joy in what we’ve gained in life versus just the sorrow in the things we’ve lost. We’ve found the balance in continuing to pay our respects, while still opening this beautiful new chapter. WGW
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Know The Warning Signs Of Suicide In Youth Up To The Age Of 24* Parents and Caregivers If you are concerned about your son or daughter, ask yourself the following questions. Has your son or daughter shown or shared any of the following: 1. Talk about wanting to die, be dead, or about suicide, or are they cutting or burning themselves? 2. Feeling like things may never get better, seeming like they are in terrible emotional pain (like something is wrong deep inside but they can't make it go away), or are they struggling to deal with a big loss in their life? 3. Or is your gut telling you to be worried because they have withdrawn from everyone and everything, have become more anxious or on edge, seem unusually angry or just don't seem normal to you?
Gatekeepers Gatekeepers are anyone who has a meaningful and important role in the life of a young person. They may include grandparents and other relatives, neighbors, teachers or other school personnel, youth pastors, coaches or mentors. Gatekeepers generally have pretty good knowledge of and first-hand experience with the young people in their lives, either from regular in-person contact or other forms of interaction with them on a routine basis such that they would recognize if something might be wrong or has changed for that young person. Ask yourself the same questions under the parents and caregivers section on this page.
How to Respond If you notice any of these warning signs in anyone, you can help! 1. Ask if they are ok or if they are having thoughts of suicide 2. Express your concern about what you are observing in their behavior 3. Listen attentively and non-judgementally 4. Reflect on what they share and let them know they have been heard 5. Tell them they are not alone 6. Let them know there are treatments available that can help 7. Guide them to professional help
Remember, if anyone is harming themselves now or has just harmed themselves, call 911 or take them to an emergency room immediately. *Warning signs for youth provided by youthsuicidewarningsigns.org. These warning signs apply to youth up to age 24. Please see page 47 for suicide warning signs in adults.
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The following signs may mean that a youth is at risk for suicide, particularly in youth who have attempted suicide in the past: Risk is greater if the warning sign is: New or has increased and is possibly related to an anticipated or actual painful event, loss or change.
The presence of more than one of the following warning signs may increase a youth's risk for engaging in suicidal behaviors in the near future. • • • • • • • •
Talking about or making plans for suicide Expressing hopelessness about the future Displaying severe and overwhelming emotional pain or distress Showing worrisome behavioral cues or marked changes in behavior, particularly in the presence of the warning signs above. Specifically, this includes significant: Withdrawal from or changing in social connections/situations Changes in sleep (increased or decreased) Anger or hostility that seems out of character or out of context Recent increased agitation or irritability
Are you still concerned? Here is how you can get more help:
If you think that your child or another youth may need help right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Your call is free and confidential. Trained crisis workers in your area can assist you and the youth in deciding what they need right now.
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Waymon Michael Kimball ” ” Mike
were serious, they would just do it.” Was that true? I wasn’t so convinced, because his threat felt very real to me. We would have many ups and downs in the coming years. Daddy would go to rehab or just make up his mind and quit drinking, and then he would slip off the wagon again. Alcohol changed who he was, and he hated the person he became when he drank. He was angry and spiteful. He hurt those he loved the most with words of venom and hate. The next day, he was remorseful and ashamed. Written by Allison Key, M.D., Mike's daughter. This deepened the Mike, with his daughter Allison. Allison says her dad was kind-hearted, generous and a levdepression that had been el-headed genius with a wonderful sense of humor and an adventurous spirit. plaguing him for years. Daddy was so proud of me and told everyone about his daughter who was a always thought it would ruin my life. It wasn’t that it was all that unexpected, but it was nonetheless doctor, but he missed my residency graduation. I think he just could not face us all because he was just as devastating as you would imagine. My not sober at that time. I just wanted him to be there sweet Daddy died by suicide on Aug. 10, 2010. It didn’t ruin my life, but it did change my life, and me, to celebrate the culmination of all we had worked for as a family. Years of moral support and late night forever. Daddy struggled with alcohol abuse for as long as calls to him, with me crying that I couldn’t do it and him encouraging me like he had since I was a little I can remember. After he and my mother divorced, girl, telling me I could do anything I put my mind to, he turned to alcohol to cope. I now know that had resulted in this night. And he wasn’t there. alcohol acts as a depressant and being intoxicated I wasn’t angry any more about it, but I was tired of blunts the normal grieving and coping responses, trying so hard to help someone who I felt like didn’t essentially delaying the inevitable emotions that want the help. So, I suppose I sort of distanced come with it. I was in medical school the first time myself from it. I still loved him, obviously, and talked he threatened suicide. The depression had been to him, but I just felt like I couldn’t expend the escalating for a while, but I was shocked when I got emotional energy anymore. I was happily married, that call. I came home immediately. and we had been trying to have a baby. When Prior to this, he had always called me to talk things did not happen on my timeline, I felt like about whatever he was thinking or feeling. If he was stress was probably playing a part in it. drinking, there was no rationalizing with him. If he Daddy spiraled out of control. I don’t think, or was sober – and he often was – he was kind-hearted, at least I hope, that my subconscious decision generous and a level-headed genius. He gave great to distance myself from the situation didn’t have advice and was perhaps the smartest man I have anything to do with it, but it was a very dark period ever known. in his life, and mine. When I got this call, I was shell-shocked. I almost Then God interceded. had to repeat a section of that year of medical Daddy met a wonderful lady, got sober and went school. I actually sought treatment for depression back to church. He rededicated his life to Jesus and myself. I had always been a “fixer,” but, I felt started working with some of the youth there. He very helpless. Many people told me, “If someone was always so great with kids. He was just a big old threatens suicide, they aren’t going to do it. If they
February 12, 1958 – August 10, 2010
I
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kid himself. His laughter was contagious, and his spirit was sweet and loving. I finally had my Daddy back! We had a great six months. What caused the fall this time, I guess we will never know, but he fell hard. He separated from his wife, had some legal troubles, left the church and moved into a little house alone. The last time I saw him, I took his guns back to him that had been given to me by law enforcement weeks earlier, we had fried bologna sandwiches for lunch – a favorite of both of ours – and he gave me a little jelly jar glass that he found at some antique store and knew that someday his grandkids would love. He had been sober a few days and said he felt like this time was different. I believed him. I always had believed him. Two weeks later, my husband and I were in Grand Teton with my brother and his wife. We were on a little adventure together, and I had decided I was going to “check out” on this trip. After a few hard weeks, I didn’t want to worry and fret and keep my phone by my side constantly. We had visited the Chapel of the Transfiguration, and I had written Daddy’s name in their prayer book. We white water rafted on the Snake River later in the day, and we were enjoying some steaks on the grill for supper and sitting on the front porch, enjoying the brisk air and countless stars in the sky. And, the phone rang. This time it wasn’t Daddy. It was my grandmother telling us that Daddy had passed away. After years of struggle and suffering and pain and disappointment, he had taken his own life. It took us exactly 24 hours from that phone call to get home. I found the letter he left crumpled in the trash in his little house. He thought he was doing us a favor.
The view behind the altar of the Chapel of the Transfiguration in Grand Teton National Park. Shortly before Mike passed away, Allison wrote his name in the chapel's prayer book. The chapel continues to hold regular Sunday services, and was placed on the National Register of Historic Places on April 10, 1980.
He, in the delusion and lies that depression makes you believe, thought we would be better off without having to worry about him. He hated the person he became when he drank, and he didn’t think he would ever be able to stop, to get rid of that drink that beckoned him. I found out I was pregnant a week later. I could just see Daddy in Heaven picking out the perfect little girl to send us. God’s timing was impeccable. His love was never more palpable. Some people don’t hesitate to tell you what a shame it is that your loved one is in Hell after dying by suicide. To those people, I simply tell them to read their Bible. There is only one unforgivable sin, and it’s not suicide. Jesus died for all our sins, even those we commit during a state of illness, like depression. The loving Father I know would never condemn His child who made a mistake born out of mental illness. And mental illness is just as real as physical illness. There are many people and situations I have left out of this story; it’s the first time I have really written or spoken publicly about this story – our story. How am I changed? I have come to understand, as a physician, that people die only when God says it is time. If it had not been Daddy’s time to leave this Earth, God would not have let it happen. Medical intervention would have helped. (That’s
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drinking, but I never stopped loving him, and I never would have told him no if he asked for help. It is never too late to change, and it is never too late to repair a relationship. The nature of the relationship may be different, but forgiveness and healing are never a lost cause. Suicide is not a rational decision to the person unaffected by depression, but, to the person suffering, it seems like a viable and reasonable option. Depression is not rational, but it is also not a choice. If you know someone who has thoughts of suicide or is suffering from depression, reach out to them. Don’t be afraid to directly ask them how they are feeling or if they have thoughts of hurting themselves. Be a lifeline. Get them to a hospital or doctor’s office. Help them when they can’t help themselves. Daddy was a good man. He was so smart and funny. He loved to tell jokes and get people laughing. He was always up for an adventure, a challenge, a good time. He taught me how to fish and how to drive. He made me believe I could do anything. To know him was to love him. Ask anybody who knew him, and they will tell you how much they miss him. They will also tell you some crazy, funny, or unbelievable story about one time with my Daddy. I think the most important legacy Daddy left me was a generous love for people that doesn’t judge – it just gives – and a restless spirit that is always looking for a new destination, a new horizon or a new challenge. I hope my kids get his sense of humor, his generous heart and his adventurous spirit. And, every time they drink from their little jelly jar glass, I remind them that people loved them and prayed for them long before they were born. And, that they were both hand-picked from Allison's children and Mike's grandchildren. Allison reminds them they were loved and prayed for Heaven. WGW before they were born, and they were hand-picked by their grandfather in heaven. another story for another day, but God dropped that lesson in my lap like a ton of bricks about six months later). God’s love is boundless, and while He doesn’t necessarily like all of our decisions, He will always be there to comfort and catch us in times of need. I have more compassion and empathy; I realize that the hard times we survive in life are so that we can reach back and help someone else through a similar hard time. I know there is hope for the hopeless. I have learned that threats should be taken seriously, every time. I have learned to ask for help, and to accept the help. I have learned to mend fences and not hold grudges, and to always tell people you love them. I have learned that no one is immune from addiction. If you or someone you love suffers from depression or addiction, just know there is always hope. Know that no matter what mistakes you have made, or even continue to make, God loves you, and your family loves you. Even if you feel that your family, your friends or your children have given up on you, they haven’t, really. You never completely quit loving someone whom you have loved. Relationships change, but love is forever. I did not like Daddy’s decisions when he was
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Know the warning signs of suicide in adults age 25 and older* How do you remember the Warning Signs of Suicide? Here's an easy-to-remember mnemonic: IS PATH WARM? I S
Ideation (suicidal thoughts) Substance Abuse
P A T H
Purposelessness Anxiety Trapped Hopelessness
W A R M
Withdrawal Anger Recklessness Mood Changes
Warning Signs of Acute Risk: • Threatening to hurt or kill him or herself, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill him or herself • Looking for ways to kill him or herself by seeking access to firearms, available pills or other means • Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide, when these actions are out of the ordinary
These might be remembered as expressed or communicated ideation. Expanded Warning Signs: • • • • • • • • •
Increased substance (alcohol or drug) use No reason for living; no sense of purpose in life Anxiety, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all of the time Feeling trapped – like there's no way out Hopelessness Withdrawal from friends, family and society Rage, uncontrolled anger, seeking revenge Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking Dramatic mood changes
If observed, seek help as soon as possible by contacting a mental health professional or calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) for a referral. *Warning signs in adults provided by The American Association of Suicidology
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, Robert O Neal Phillips , ” ” O Neal April 1, 1958 – January 06, 2011
Written by Kevin Phillips, O'Neal's son.
I
lost my father to suicide in 2011. Before his death, I hadn’t seen him in years. I had always planned to take the time to visit with him more, but a busy life seemed to always get in the way. I remember going back to Ashland, Ala., for his funeral and visiting with family, feeling beside myself because I didn’t get the chance to start visiting him more. I spent many summers with him in and around Ashland as a child – whether it was swimming in Lake Wedowee or working together in the woods. My dad was a logger. He taught me to drive a skidder and sharpen a chainsaw by the time I was 12. He spent his entire life in the woods, and some things were preventing him from going back. I still have a feeling of surrealness at times. Almost like, time didn’t stop to allow me to finish my plans. The things that were going on with him at the time took that from me. We never know what’s going on with our neighbors and, as I grow older, I realize that time doesn’t stop for any of us. WGW 48
"A Friend Asks" is a free smart-phone app
provided by The Jason Foundation to help
provide the information, tools and resources to
help a friend (or yourself)
who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide.
Download on Google play or the App Store today.
Dr. Howard Seeman
Dr. Thelma Lucas
Dr. John Arledge
Dr. Prashant Sharma
Dr. Peter Ojuro
Susan Prescott, NP
Corie Price, NP
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Daily Fare With
e s o R f e Ch Chef photos by Kei
th May
Rose Isaacs is a native of Carroll County and lives in Carrollton with her husband Shawn. She graduated from West Georgia Technical College in 2013 with a degree in Culinary Arts. After graduation, she began her career as a chef at the Carrollton Kroger Marketplace where she works in the bistro. Photos by Mark Steffey.
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"
This can be easily customized to your tastes simply by changing the type of bean spread you use.
"
Grilled Portabello Mushroom Sandwich Ingredients 1/2 cup of your favorite hummus or other bean spread 4 large portobello mushroom caps, stems removed and wiped clean with a damp paper towel 4 hearty sandwich rolls such as telera, focaccia or ciabatta 2 cups baby arugula leaves Olive oil, as needed for grilling and dressing Juice of 1 lemon Salt and pepper
Preparation Preheat a grill to medium-high heat after cleaning and oiling the grate. Using a pastry brush, brush a generous amount of olive oil on both sides of the mushroom and season with salt and pepper.
"
Try a spicy, garlic or red pepper hummus, or change it up with a white bean or eggplant spread.
"
Grill mushrooms for 4 minutes per side. Transfer the mushrooms to a plate. Add rolls to the grill and toast lightly – about 2 minutes. Whisk together lemon juice and 2 tablespoons olive oil. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Set dressing aside.
Assembling the sandwiches: Spread a small amount of your favorite hummus or bean spread on the bottom bun. Top with a grilled mushroom. Add a generous amount of your spread. Dress arugula with lemon juice and olive oil – all may not be needed. Top with dressed arugula. Add top of bun. Slice with a sharp serrated knife and serve immediately. Serves 4
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” Take the guess work out of cooking ribs.”
Slow Cooker BBQ Ribs
Ingredients
1 slab baby back ribs 1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
2 teaspoons onion powder 2 teaspoons garlic powder
2 teaspoons smoked paprika 1/4 teaspoon ground cumin 1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon liquid smoke (optional)
1/2 cup of your favorite barbecue sauce
Preparation In a small bowl, combine salt, pepper, onion, garlic, smoked paprika, cumin and brown sugar. Stir well. To prepare the ribs, liberally sprinkle the dry rub on both sides of the slab of ribs and rub in well. Split ribs in half or thirds to accommodate your slow cooker's size. Place 1/2 cup water and liquid smoke (if using) in the bottom of the slow cooker. Place ribs in slow cooker and cook on high for 4 hours, or low for 8 hours. When ribs are finished cooking, remove from slow cooker and brush with your favorite barbecue sauce. Alternatively, this dry rub recipe works great on a low grill or smoker – just omit the liquid smoke and cook for about 3 to 4 hours, or until ribs are tender. 52Serves 4. WGW
�Allow your slow cooker to cook them
to perfection without you constantly watching them on a grill or smoker.� 53
Jullian Amber Lawson
Daniel James McKee January 18, 1967 – November 16, 2014
April 30, 2000 – August 28, 2014
Johnnie Mack Wyatt August 30, 1955 – March 20, 1987
Michael Lubie Perdue
August 17, 1954 – July 20, 2003
Please light a single candle near a window on World Suicide Prevention Day, Monday, September 10 at 8:00 p.m., to remember those who have lost their lives to suicide and to show your support for suicide awareness.
We Will Never Forget.
William Austin McCloud
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January 30, 1998 – April 29, 2017
September 23, 1999 – April 12, 2016
Elizabeth Jo Lawler
Depression in the Elderly
By Cheryl Francis 55
D
epressed mood is a common mental illness among the elderly population, and depression can impact all areas of an elderly person’s life. This illness affects approximately 14.8 million American adults over the age of 18 in a given year. Depressed mood in the elderly manifests itself differently than it does in the younger generation. The key difference is much of the symptoms in older adults occur with medical problems and last much longer than that of younger people. Due to the stigma attached to mental illness, depression among the elderly appears to be more impactful than among younger people. Understanding the causes and symptoms will aid in early intervention and contribute to a better quality of life for the elderly, and early intervention may help manage symptoms. Often, the symptoms of depressed mood get missed in the elderly population. As many of the symptoms of medical illnesses experienced by the elderly sometimes mask the symptoms of mental illness, assessing the person's mood is rarely done. Many of our senior citizens do not report their symptoms as they, too, are more focused on the medical challenges they are experiencing.
It is important to note that we all may become depressed at some time in our lives. Depression in the elderly becomes problematic when the symptoms become overwhelming. We may first notice low energy or a sense of hopelessness. When older adults become less active, they are prone to losing their sense of purpose as well as their sense of making an impact in the world around them. When we notice their thoughts and behaviors are beginning to interrupt and interfere with their daily functioning, it is time to screen and provide support, so they may receive the appropriate help.
Symptoms In The Elderly • Shutting down, becoming more irritable or negative. Depression in the elderly can have an impact on how they communicate. • Becoming unusually sad. • Eating too much or too little. • Reporting pain levels that are consistently high, or unusual aches and pains with no clear medical reason attributed. • Reporting a sense of hopelessness, mentioning thoughts of suicide or attempting suicide. Any of these behaviors should not be ignored, and help should be given immediately. Any suggestion of suicide or suicidal thoughts should always be taken very seriously. • Reporting digestive issues, abdominal cramps or headaches. These can also be symptoms of depressed mood.
Risk Factors
Pediatric, Hand & Speech Therapy
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• Some prescribed medications. Many medications, especially those that manage high blood pressure, can impact your mood. It is important to discuss all side effects of your medications with your doctor. • Having a serious health issue. As we age, health challenges increase. These challenges can be a contributing factor to depression. • Experiencing grief. Grief is a major factor of depression among the elderly. When a loved one dies or relocates, it is important for caretakers and remaining loved ones to offer support. • Transitioning from working to retirement. Significant life events such as these can contribute to grief and depression.
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• Genetics, environmental causes and brain chemistry. All of these factors can contribute to depressed mood in the elderly.
How You Can Help • Be involved in their daily lives by communicating with them and their caregivers, and with frequent visits • Encourage excercise if they are able, or take them outside often to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air • Be a part of their regular physician visits • Encourage them to volunteer or join a community senior citizen group or club • Give them a pet to care for if they are able • Identify and eliminate possible triggers or stressors that may be contributing to their depression • Encourage hobbies Depression in the elderly is treatable. Medication and psychotherapy are effective measures to managing depressed mood. Antidepressant medication is prescribed by a primary care physician or a psychiatrist. Psychotherapy supports older
adults by offering new ways of thinking, acting and learning new habits to cope with their feelings. It also helps to recognize and challenge situations that may be triggering or worsening their depression. Caretakers, family members and physicians should encourage the elderly to share how they are feeling so they can get the support they need. It is important that we encourage them to focus on self-care and pay attention to changes in mood and functioning. WGW Cheryl A. Francis, Licensed Professional Counselor, is the owner of The Heart Matters Wellness Services LLC, a full-service counseling agency. She is certified as a Mental Health First Aid Adult trainer and regularly provides seminars and trainings to the community on various mental health issues. She has partnered with the Georgia Center for Child Advocacy to train individuals in the prevention of childhood sexual abuse. Visit heartmatterswellness.com for more information about Cheryl and her work.
fall in love with color
970 Hays Mill Road Carrollton, Georgia 678.664.0610 Monday - Saturday 10 AM - 6 PM Sunday 1 - 6 PM 58
Bullying Hurts More Than The Victim • •
• • •
Bullying has serious and lasting negative effects on the mental health and overall well-being of youth. Bullying contributes to depression, anxiety, sexual and interpersonal violence, substance abuse, poor school performance and attendance and poor social functioning in youth who bully others, youth who are bullied and youth who are both bullied and bully others. Youth who report frequently bullying others and those who report being bullied frequently are at increased risk for suicide-related behaviors. Youth who report both bullying others and being bullied (bully-victims) have the highest risk for suicide-related behavior of any groups that report involvement in bullying. Youth who observe and don’t participate in bullying behavior feel helpless and have significantly more feelings of not being supported by or connected with responsible adults (parents and school teachers/administration).
Dedicated Healthcare When You Need It Most Source: www.cdc.gov
770.832.9689
Night Road Choices colored by the moon's allure Take on a different hue come morning light. Lives forever changed must now endure The consequences of that single night. There are no words to soothe the pain of loss. No action that can span the chasm deep Or give the shattered soul a way to cross The barren desert, or climb the mountain steep. Yet, within the sea of overwhelming grief, Tiny islands rise above the main. Islands of grace affording some relief, Enabling a glimpse of hope again. Brief moments when the broken, tempest-tossed, Remember what is left, not what was lost. G.S. Royal ©2013
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Kidz Korner By Charlene Brooks
Easy Edible Acorns
W
Ingredients Chocolate kisses Dark chocolate morsels Peanut butter small bites cookies Chocolate melts
elcome cooler weather with these adorable and simple fall crafts. The edible acorns are an easy and tasty snack for your little ones. Try to "squirrel" some away because these delicious fall treats will be eaten in a flash! This fabulous fall fox is a great way to keep the kids occupied on a rainy day, and it is a snap to make. Buy some stick-on magnets, glue to the back of the craft sticks and the kids will be able to decorate your refrigerator for the autumn season.
Instructions Melt the chocolate melts in the microwave. Spread bottom of chocolate kiss with a layer of melted chocolate. Attach the kiss to the peanut butter cookie bite. Place a small dab of the melted chocolate in the middle of the opposite side of the peanut butter cookie bite. Attach one dark chocolate morsel to the peanut butter cookie bite.
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Fabulous Fall Fox Materials Glue Googly eyes Craft sticks Artificial autumn leaves Red pipe stems Artificial red feathers Brown crayon
Instructions Color the craft sticks with the brown crayon. Glue the leaf to the top of the craft stick. Glue the google eyes to the leaf. Cut a small piece of the red pipe stem. Curl the stem to make the fox nose and glue to the leaf. Cut some of the red feathers and glue the feathers to the top and sides of the leaf to make the fox fur. WGW
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Welcome Back Warriors! 61
Gay Nell Harvey January 21, 1952 – February 23, 2009
Grief is the price of love Love without bounds. Love without limits. It will break your heart If you submerse yourself in it. Grief, it will stab you Grief, it can break you But the love you have held Will carry and take you. It will hold you and keep you It will sustain and it will lift Your heart though it's broken Will beat on with love's gift. So be prepared to ache, To cry, to yearn, to yell Fight on my dear friend Though I know it hurts like hell. Each day will begin again A chance to start anew Though grief, it overwhelms you Love, it carries you through. Love, it will empower Love, it makes you smile Death cannot defeat it Love makes the grief worthwhile. Written by Dawn Harvey-Grundy, Gay's daughter Š2009
Word Bank Awareness Hope
Prevention Medication
You matter
Help is available Life matters Mental health Treatment Just ask
Bright future Choose life
You are important Love
Call someone
You are loved Talk about it 62
We care
Word search created at puzzle-maker.com
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DISCOVER THE NEW BUICK FAMILY
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