Child Advocate
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September 2010 Issue 1, Volume 19
Back-to-School Parent Involvement
Legislative Assembly
October 8-9, 2010 Sea-Tac Marriott
Contents
W ashington State PTA’s Legislative Assembly is held each year in October. Local Unit, Council and Region Legislative Chairs and members gather to set the Legislative platform for Washington State PTA. By sending a delegate to Legislative Assembly, local units are using their voice in prioritizing the issues that WSPTA will advocate for that affect the children and families in Washington State. At Legislative Assembly you will have the opportunity to become educated about the issues, keep updated on information concerning education reform, debate and vote on Washington State PTA’s legislative platform. Whether it is your local school board, city or county officials, or your local representatives in Olympia, advocating for something is as easy as sending an e-mail, writing a letter, making a phone call or showing up to a meeting to express your opinions and concerns. By attending Legislative Assembly you learn the skills you need to feel comfortable talking to others about an issue you are passionate about, in a non-threatening environment with other advocates of varying experience. You will leave informed, educated and motivated to share your passion with others in your community. Make a difference in your PTA by using your voice and bringing that knowledge back to your local unit. You can register online for Legislative Assembly by going to the Washington State PTA website www.wastatepta.org
Key Ingredients to Successful Parent Involvement
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Today’s School Bullies
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School Anxiety: What Parents Can Do
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Instant Gratification: Meeting the Unique 6 Challenges of Raising Today’s Kids Helping Your Child Adjust to A New Teacher
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Your Child’s Parent-Teacher Conference
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The Child Advocate is published online every month from September through
Save the Dates... Legislative Assembly: October 8-9, 2010 Focus Day: February 21, 2011 Convention: April 29-May 1, 2011 The
Child Advocate
a Washington State PTA parent involvement publication
Washington State PTA 2003 65th Avenue West Tacoma, WA 98466-6215 Website: www.wastatepta.org Email: wapta@wastatepta.org Phone: (253) 565-2153 or 1-800-562-3804 Fax: (253) 565-7753
VISION:
May by the Washington State PTA, 2003 65th Avenue West, Tacoma, WA 984666215, (253) 565-2153. Contributors are welcome. Call the State PTA office for guidelines. Whenever PTA is used it also refers to PTSA. PTA is a registered trademark of the National Congress of Parents and Teachers. Scott Allen, Washington State PTA President Bill Williams, Washington State PTA Executive Director Karen Fisker-Andersen, Editor
“Making every child’s potential a reality.”
MISSION:
PTA is: n A powerful voice for all children, n A relevant resource for families and communities, and n A strong advocate for the education and well-being of every child. The Washington State PTA accomplishes the mission of PTA by
• Speaking on behalf of children and youth in the schools, in the community, and before governmental bodies and other organizations that make decisions affecting children; • Supporting parents* in developing skills to raise, protect and advocate for their children; • Encouraging parent*, teacher, student and community involvement; • Promoting opportunities for positive outcomes for children; and • Being a financially stable, well-managed organization that promotes diversity, provides quality service, models best practices and values its members and employees. *Parent may include adults who play an important role in a child’s family life since other adults (grandparents, aunts, uncles, or guardians) may carry the primary responsibility for a child’s health, welfare, education and safety.
Key Ingredients to Successful
Parent Involvement P
arent involvement in education is without question, the key to student success. However, it is becoming increasingly more evident that how a parent is involved matters almost as much as being involved. A student’s motivation, social skills, and ability to cope with setbacks are as important for leading successful lives as academics. Parent involvement practices should include efforts to build these life skills as well as help their children do their best in academic endeavors. Following are a few key ingredients for successful parental involvement in education: n
Avoid intense pressure on academic outcomes.
Good parent involvement practices do not include putting excessive pressure on your kids in academics or athletics. A better approach to parent involvement is to make sure your child comes to school prepared to learn, has the tools he needs to be successful, help at home when he
The Child Advocate, September 2010
needs it, knows that you value education and are connected to his school and his teachers, and expect him to perform to the best of his abilities. New technology in our schools allows parents more access to teacher grade books than ever before. With a simple click of the mouse, you can see your child’s test grade before the day is even over. Certainly monitoring your child’s progress is good, but over-monitoring it can be problematic. Intense academic pressure can cause a student to become anxious, insecure and depressed. In addition, it causes some kids to become perfectionists, making it more likely that they will be afraid to try new things or that they will procrastinate doing their work. It also causes some kids to view friends as competitors. In other words, instead of being part of a students’ support system, a friend may be viewed as a threat to a child’s goal of being
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often as possible. Cut back on activities if you are not able to enjoy family time. Children need to spend quality time with family to feel loved and connected.
the best in the class. This reduces the chances that your children will develop authentic relationships with their peers. Stressed out students are also more prone to making bad peer choices and contributes to delinquent behaviors. Establishing a good relationship with your child is always the most important thing you can do as a parent. No academic award, trophy or even college scholarship is worth losing that precious relationship with your child. If your child wasn’t cut-out for college, there are other ways he can gain success and happiness in life. As a parent, guide your child with love to wherever his dreams and abilities take him. Encourage him academically, but avoid intense pressure and harsh criticisms. This does not motivate children to do better and can seriously damage parent/ child relationships. n
Be available. Be involved in other areas of your student’s life besides academics and athletics. Spend time talking to her about her friends, clubs, and interests.
Make sure your children know that you love them unconditionally, despite their weaknesses and unique personality traits. Love them as they are now, not in hopes of what they will become someday with a little more training. Our harried lifestyles may make it more difficult to have family time, but make every effort to sit down as a family to enjoy dinner together as
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Come along side of your student. Volunteer at the school, get to know your children’s friends and their parents, and help your children find out about things that interest them.
If your child is struggling in school, help him learn how to do his work. Of course you should never do homework for him. If your attempts with helping at home is causing too much tension on your relationship with your child, then ask if your child’s teacher might be available to help him after school or consider hiring a tutor. Stress the importance of learning simply for the sake of learning, not just to get the grades needed to set her on the path for a life of luxury and prestige. Talk to your child about the joy of doing something with her life that is meaningful to her. Don’t be too quick to rescue your children from natural consequences that result from bad decisions. Students who are sheltered from their mistakes won’t learn from them. Help your children become capable by providing authentic work experiences, both at home and away from home. Helping out at home is simply a part of being a member of the family. It will help your child see the world beyond himself. n
Today’s School Bullies B ullying is a school problem that affects everyone. Whether your student is a bully, a victim or a bystander, it negatively affects student learning and school satisfaction for the entire student body. There are many different kinds of bullying behaviors and include: physical bullying (hitting), relational bullying (deliberate exclusion, rumor starting), and mental bullying (name calling). Today many bullies are popular kids with a high self-esteem and a need for attention. Their parents or teachers may even view them as leaders in the school. However, they also seem to lack in empathy and have no close long-term friendships. Victims may simply be passive or sensitive kids and therefore easy targets. They don’t necessarily need to be different in any particular way, such as they way they dress or look. Bystanders may be amused by the bully’s antics or may be afraid that the bully will turn on them if they intervene. Students also bully others via their cell phones, social networking
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sites, and chat rooms. In fact, “cyber bullying” is becoming more commonplace and the cyber-bullies are not necessarily students who would act in this way in real life. The Internet makes them feel more anonymous and they don’t see the pain that they have caused, so they don’t feel a normal sense of empathy that they might otherwise feel if they were to act this way in person. It takes more than a zero tolerance policy to rid a school of bullying problems. Rather, it takes and organized and planned effort on the part of every student, teacher, staff and parent in the school community to eliminate bullying. If bullying is a problem at your child’s school, make an appointment to talk to your school principal about it and what can be done. n
a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine
School Anxiety: What Parents Can Do T here are many reasons for school anxiety, and may include: a school bully, difficulty with friendships, a fear of taking tests, getting used to a new teacher and new routines, or a learning difficulty. School anxiety sometimes manifests itself as a chronic upset stomach that appears on school mornings, extreme mood changes, unusual displays of emotion, or sudden appetite changes. If your child experiences these symptoms, the first course of action is to make an appointment with your child’s pediatrician. If the doctor determines that these problems are an indication of school anxiety and not some underlying health problem, he may be able to offer some suggestions to help. Some things to consider to help ease student anxiety: Be positive. Your child may feel she doesn’t measure up to her peers or siblings. Avoid comparing your child to other children, but instead accept her for her unique strengths and weaknesses. Praise your child for her efforts and self-motivation. Change your focus to be about the journey and not the external reward; in other words, about the effort and not about about the grade or trophy. n
Look at your families’ stress levels. Are your children continually going from one activity to the next, doing homework on the run and eating meals in the car? If this is the case, then your children may simply need to slow down to feel more at ease at school. n
Consider your morning routine. Are your mornings chaotic? If so, then set your alarm earlier so you and your children can get ready with a more peaceful routine. Remember that breakfast is the most important meal of the day for your students and it helps to wake up their minds to do their best in school. Make sure your children have time for a good breakfast and go to school with words of love and encouragement each day. n
Listen to your child. If your child is feeling anxious, he may just need to talk it through. Don’t trivialize his problems or try to offer solutions, but simply listen with your full attention and a genuine desire to understand him. If he asks for your advice, talk to him about times when you have been in similiar situations or brainstorm ideas with him that he can do to resovle the problem. n
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Give her tools. Help her develop the tools to cope with prob-
The Child Advocate, September 2010
lems that are making her anxious. For example, if your child is having problems with a bully, then together with your child come up with an action plan that includes some things she can do about it. If your child is having friendship problems, then suggest she invite some of her friends over so they can build fun experiences together in a setting outside of school. If your child struggles in school with a learning disability, then seek help from your child’s school. If your child struggles with test anxiety, then help her start studying for a test well in advance and make up practice tests for her to do in a mock test setting at home. Teach your child to calm his nerves. Calming techniques such as taking deep breaths, focusing on one problem at a time, practicing positive self-talk, “I have studied for this, I can do this,” all can help improve your child’s test anxiety. n
Provide opportunities to explore interests. Students who have specific hobbies or interests are more likely to feel better about themselves and experience less school anxiety. n
Encourage your child to connect with a group, a sports team, a church group, a singing group, or a club at school. Friendship groups can be tremendously helpful in alleviating school anxiety. n
Establish a clear set of rules and consequences at home. Kids do better when they know what’s expected of them and n
have some limits and guidelines. All children benefit by sharing some household responsibilities. It helps them to feel more capable and that they have a valuable role in the family. n
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Instant Gratification
Meeting the Unique Challenges of Raising Today’s Kids Unfortunately instant gratification doesn’t equal happiness. Quite the opposite often happens, in fact. When a child hasn’t had to invest time and energy into saving up for something, the satisfaction of acquiring that item is short-lived. What can parents do?
Teach your children the difference between wants and needs. n
Require that children do extra chores around the house for extra income. n
Help your child develop a budget and savings plan so he can purchase the things he wants. Make it clear what types of items you will purchase, for example school supplies, and what items you expect your child to save up and purchase himself, such as electronic games and gadgets. n
Suggest that your child ask for gift cards from a particular store for holidays, instead of gifts. n
Encourage your children to show gratitude by having them write thank you notes. This is always a good habit to get into. n
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he world our children are growing up in is very different than the world we remember as kids. Cell phones, the Internet, iPods, and TiVo, are wonderful inventions, but they create an artificial world where kids can get instant gratification. Our kids don’t need to save up to purchase an album to get the music they want, they simply go to itunes an download a particular song for a mere pocket of change. If they want to watch a TV show, they can do this whenever they’d like using the Internet or TiVo. If they want to tell their friends something and don’t want to wait, they can text them 24/7. Moreover since technology is always changing, there is always a better game system, a better phone or a new gadget that kids want to have. Because our kids constantly receive advertising messages that show that somehow they are inadequate without certain products, some kids actually believe that they need these items to be socially accepted by their peers or happy. We all know kids who have taken this instant gratification mind-set a step further. A “no” from a parent may only mean that they need to keep asking until they wear their parent down to get that “yes” answer.
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Enlist your child’s help in a community service project. Volunteering his time for a cause other than himself can help him view the world differently and be more appreciative for what he has. n
Encourage your children to do odd jobs for neighbors, such as weeding or walking dogs for a little extra money. It not only teaches them good work ethic, but it helps to develop more self-confidence and be more independent. n
If your child complains that it’s not fair that you won’t buy stuff for her when her friends get stuff from their parents, help her cope with this reality in a constructive manner without giving in to her demands. n
Help your child understand that his identity isn’t determined by the stuff he has, but who he is and what he does. n
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Teach your children to view advertisements critically.
Remember that you are your child’s parent, not her friend. You know what is best for her even if she doesn’t appreciate it now. n n
a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine
Helping Your Child Adjust to A New Teacher C hildren sometimes experience difficulty adjusting to a new teacher, with new classroom rules and expectations. There are a lot of things parents can do to help their children adapt to their new setting. The most important thing for parents to remember is not to undermine the teacher in private conversations at home. Assume that your child is eavesdropping and keep your discussions positive. Be supportive of your child’s teacher efforts to help your student learn and grow. Assume that the teachers’ intentions are good.
spective. Maybe the teacher is just trying to gain control of the classrom so he can teach and be heard and that’s why he raised his voice. If your child continues to complain, try to find out as many details as possible about what is going on. Talk to other parents with children in the class so you can acquire a better picture. Don’t immediately take your child’s comments as the definitive truth on the matter, as your child may be missing some vital piece of the picture. Remember there are always two sides to a story.
Go over the classroom rules and expectations with your child to be sure he fully understands how things will be done this year. Also try to keep things at home running smoothly as you develop a daily routine that includes breakfast, plenty of time to do homework, and a reasonable bedtime.
After talking to your child and other parents and the problem seems important for your child’s success at school, make an appointment with your child’s teacher to see if you can learn something new about the situation. Listen as much as you talk and be sure not to go to the meeting angry. Openly discuss, without criticizing the teacher or her methods, what your child is feeling about the classroom situation.
If your child comes home complaining about the teacher, talk to you child about how people have different personalities and different styles of communicating. Encourage your child to try to see the teachers’ per-
Before leaving the meeting, determine with the teacher, some resolution to the problem and an agreement to meet again to evaluate the outcome of this solution. Also be sure to thank him for meeting with you. n
The Child Advocate, September 2010
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Your Child’s ParentTeacher Conference A lthough there are many ways for parents to be involved in their children’s education, both at home and at school, one of the most important means of getting involved is through the Parent-Teacher Conference. This conference can be a valuable setting for exchanging information about your child’s academic and social progress, and building a partnership with your child’s teacher that will help your child get the best education possible. The responsibility for a successful conference is shared between you and the teacher. It is the teacher’s responsibility to know your child, to present specific information about the child’s school performance, to listen to you, and to answer questions. You, as the parent, can and should assume responsibility during the conference by being prepared to ask questions that address your concerns. Keep these things in mind:
• Be on time and plan to stay within the conference timeline. • If you are a working parent who cannot meet during school hours, work with the teacher in setting a mutually convenient time. • Help set and maintain a positive attitude and atmosphere so you and the teacher can help your child do well. Before the conference:
• Make sure your child doesn’t worry about the meeting. • Talk with your child about the conference and learn his/her thoughts and feelings about school, subjects, likes and dislikes. • Write down questions and notes regarding any special concerns that you have, such as your child’s progress, school programs or policies, or how you can work with the teacher to help your child. During the conference:
• Tell the teacher about special circumstances such as births, deaths, illnesses, moves, or problems at home that may affect your child’s performance or behavior. • Ask the questions you have prepared. The following list of questions is also offered as a tool to help you get the most from the conference. o What are my child’s academic strengths? o At what level is my child performing in basic skills? o What are my child’s reading strengths? Weaknesses? o Is my child involved in special programs? Please tell me more about them. o How are my child’s work habits? o Has my child regularly completed homework you have as signed? o What kinds of tests are being done and what do they indicate about my child? o Is my child having any difficulty with social behavior? o Is my child able to follow classroom and playground rules? o Do you have any medical concerns about my child? Energy? Fatigue? Irritability? Appetite?
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• Ask the teacher for specific suggestions on ways to help your child at home. • Express appreciation for the opportunity to have the conference. After the conference:
• Discuss the conference with your child. Stress positive points brought out by the teacher. Give praise for achievement. Discuss the teacher’s suggestions for improvement where problems exist. • Follow up on activities agreed upon with the teacher. • Check back with the teacher to evaluate your child’s progress and assure him of your continued support. If more information is needed, parents may review their child’s confidential school records (The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974). Local schools have policies for parents and school records. If you are not familiar with your school’s policies, ask. n
a Washington State PTA parent involvement magazine