Respite for the Soul

Above: Renee Thomas (center) helped Sherman Hill present this pillow to his wife Mary as a thank you gift.

A visit to the Hills is like a visit to grandma’s house. Southern hospitality on display. Fresh baked brownies sitting on the counter. Chilled water and Cherry Ale-8 waiting in the refrigerator to refresh the body. But what Renee Thomas brings to the Hill family each month is respite for the soul.

Mary is the primary caregiver for her husband of 49 years. Sherman has Parkinson’s and is in the early stages of dementia which require around the clock care. Renee comes twice a month (about six hours each visit) which allows Mary time to go shopping, to doctor appointments, or to get her hair done.

When Mary was 10 years old, she ended up in the hospital and was so struck by the kindness of her nurse that she decided then and there that she would become a nurse too.

“She was so good to me,” Mary said. “We were from a poor family. Twelve in all. Eleven of us grew up then on Daddy’s farm. We didn’t have much, but we had each other and we had good times. We made the best of what we had. The Lord blessed us and all 11 of us graduated from high school.” Mary took the life lessons of taking care of those you love and making the best of tough situations with her into her married life. Mary’s husband Sherman worked as an educator in the prison system to help inmates get their high school diploma in order to improve their opportunities when they were released. He retired when Mary had a stroke in order to care for her. When she recovered, Mary could not return fully to her career as a licensed practical nurse, but her compassion for others led her to Christian Appalachian Project. Mary was providing in-home respite services to a local family whose mother, Barbara, had Alzheimer’s, but she knew that they needed more help. Mary saw a flyer on the bulletin board at the senior center about CAP’s In-Home Respite Program. She connected Barbara’s family to CAP.

Before Mary could finish her story, Sherman chimed in with the love and gratitude of a life partner fully embracing the marriage vows “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.”

“I couldn’t make it without Mary,” Sherman said. “I tell you the truth Mary, if it wasn’t for you, I’d be dead.”

Barbara became CAP’s first in-home respite participant and Renee was her caregiver. Mary and Renee got to know each other. When Sherman’s health began to decline, Mary had to give her full attention to him. After five years, Mary left Barbara fully in the care of Renee. Later, Mary would need more help with Sherman, and Renee has assisted the family with in-home respite care for the past three years.

“It is a godsend,” Mary said, when she sees Renee coming up to the house. “I don’t know what I would do without her and the supplies CAP provides.”

The increased medical expenses have been a strain on the family’s limited resources, but Renee helps with necessities through CAP’s Operation Sharing Program. Through the program Renee is able to obtain hygiene products, personal care items, and household goods for the Hills.

“I also find gifts for participants’ birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and even Christmas baskets,” she said. “Sherman is unable to get out of the house to get Mary a gift or a card so this is one of the things I can do to help him show appreciation. By helping Sherman do these things, it brings a smile to Mary when she returns home.”

Renee helps Sherman write thank you notes to Mary and gifts to assure Mary that he loves her and appreciates all that she does for him.

“Renee comes twice a month and it gives me the opportunity to go to the grocery store,” Mary said. “I usually take a side trip to Goodwill. Or I’ll go to the beauty school to get my hair done. Or I go to my own doctor appointments. When you’re a caregiver, 24 hours a day, sometimes just to be able to get in the car and drive somewhere by yourself is a blessing.”

“Renee listens to me when I’m down. She encourages him and she encourages me. Giving me that break, makes me a better caregiver,” Mary said. “Having the help allows me to keep him at home instead of a nursing home. When Renee is here, I don’t worry about him. I know that she will take care of him.”

Renee knows the value of treating each patient with dignity and helping them live life as fully as possible. She knew that reading Scripture was important to Sherman, so she helped secure for him the largest Large Print Bible she could find. Now, she has to read the Scripture verses to him because he is no longer able to read it himself.

“Doing what I do, I realize how hard it is not only for the caregiver, but for the loved one too,” Renee added. “When I arrive at my participants’ home I never know what’s beyond that door. God gives me the strength to face each day no matter what my participants are going through. I give God the praise. My reward is seeing their smiles when I arrive, the peace in their eyes knowing that help has arrived and they will find some rest if for only a little while.”

Renee has been a certified nursing assistant for 22 years. She’s been with CAP almost 10 of those years. She has been providing in-home respite care to individuals with disabilities and seniors for nearly six years.

All of their stories are interwoven: Barbara, Mary, Renee, and Sherman. “I see them all as family,” Renee concluded. “They treat me with respect, invite me into their homes. They show so much love that I can’t help but feel like part of the family. They open up to talk to me and I listen to what they say.

“I feel like I’m at home in all the homes I serve,” she added. “My participants are good to me and thank me all the time for what I do to help them. They bake me brownies, give me cards, hugs, and kisses, etc. It’s not just a job, it’s who I am.”

Which brings us back to brownies. Things that make family life sweet, warm, and comforting. Much like the warmth and comfort provided by caregivers like Renee. These are moments of true respite for the soul.