The Beestonian Lockdown Special Issue 2 by The Beestonian

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n a i n o Beest l a i c e p S n June 2020 Lockdow

inside this Special issue:

The Beestonian Horoscopes

The Beeston Rylands Community Association

issue No.2

Scott Bennett: A Zoom with a View

Beestonian The

EDITORIAL

By John Cooper

ightly or wrongly, we are now entering the next era of relaxed lockdown restrictions. I’m not a scientist, nor am I an economist, so don’t feel fully qualified to comment on whether it is wise or not. The decisions about what we will be allowed to do over the coming weeks and months is in the hands of those we expect to act in our best interests. Let’s hope they are managing the balancing act of the health of the population and the economy in favour of keeping as many people as possible safe. So what does this mean for Beeston? Obviously, many businesses that were forced to be shut will be opening their doors. We can’t urge you enough to give the independents your business in favour of the national chain stores. With shops in particular you will find the local independents provide better service, better choice, and more often than not a better price. Take food for example – when the supermarket home delivery slots were unavailable, Hallams, Craig Dawsons and others were able to react quickly, providing a lifeline to those who were shielding and self-isolating. Sadly it is inevitable that not all businesses will be able to make it through to the other side. Beeston is lucky enough to have a good number of great pubs, bars, and restaurants, and we hope that as many as possible will be serving as soon as it is safe to do so. If you are able to, please consider donating to the local food banks. They have seen exceptional demand, and look set to for the foreseeable future. There are collection points inside the supermarkets, and you can also drop food off at the Labour shop on the High Road, and at Hope House on Boundary Road. You will literally be helping to keep your fellow Beestonians alive. However you are personally exiting lockdown, it probably isn’t the best idea to follow the example of those with a high profile and questionable eyesight excuses. As a native of County Durham, I can confirm that it is particularly nice at this time of year, but please be sensible and think of others whatever you do. Stay safe, support your neighbours and the wider community, we will come through this stronger together. JC

eeston Rylands Community Association (BRCA) has brought together a community response team of local volunteers to provide food and support to local Rylands residents during this Covid-19 crisis. Our volunteers (including the staff from the Boat House Marina Cafe) are baking homemade cakes, and making sandwiches that form part of a “pack-up” We also make use of a donation of fresh pre-packed sandwiches donated by a local sandwich producer. The pack-ups are put together under strict social distancing and hygiene regulations and our cohort of wonderful volunteers deliver the packups to residents. These deliverers knock on the door, step far enough away and then ask if the recipient is okay or needs anything else. We follow up shopping requests and any issues as required, linking in with other voluntary groups as appropriate.

Other recipients include some of the most vulnerable and isolated in our community, and local families feeling the strain of these challenging times. Feedback is incredibly positive, with most recipients glad of the food, but often more important is the friendly face and the opportunity to have a socially distanced chat. We aim to provide an interruption to the monotony of the week, a welcome distraction from being confined within the house.

. to “We deliver.. l over 145 loca residents.”

We deliver on Tuesday and Friday lunchtimes to over 145 local residents who are either in social isolation due to age, health conditions, or are simply in need of some support. Most of our Friday Club members (our social dining club for the over 60’s) receive the packages twice a week (including a Friday Club activity), as well as a weekly social phone call, and we have a video virtual Friday Club meeting on Friday afternoon.

BRCA is also doing outreach work with our youth club members to offer help and support if needed. Our qualified Youth Worker is suggesting activities and encouraging communication through safe online methods. We are so grateful to our team of volunteers, and our funders who are supporting this vital community response: Broxtowe Borough Council, Nottinghamshire County Council, NET Coronavirus Appeal Programme, Martin Lewis Emergency Fund, and individual donors. We really look forward to being able to start up our weekly Friday club and Youth Club from Beeston Rylands Community Centre in hopefully the near future, welcoming old and new participants. For more information visit: www.beestonrylandsca.wordpress.com.

If you need help, or want to volunteer, please contact Janet Barnes, Development Officer / Volunteer: 07904 06716, janetmbarnes@ntlworld.com. JB

JANET BARNES Coming together at a time of crisis

i am THE HEROES! Rebecca Jones: Postie

“Being a postie can be an important part of the community...”

was born at the QMC in Nottingham, as originally from Cotgrave. I have two sons, and when I had my oldest son, some 15 years ago, I moved to Mapperley, Gedling and then in the city area, where I have been for a few years now”. “I first discovered Beeston when I was training to be a nursery nurse, and went to Orchard Day Nursery for my college placement. Orchard Day Nursery is a lovely family run nursery which my school friend and I enjoyed going to. We also enjoyed exploring Beeston itself”. “I’ve been working as a postie for nearly nine years now, and certain aspects of my job have helped me with gaining more confidence. I have made lots of friends within Royal Mail, and this has helped me to get to know the people of Beeston, through the different parts of my job and being on Beeston Updated. When I started the job I knew hardly anyone from Beeston, now I feel part of the community. Now nine years later, I have friends all round Beeston and big thanks to my best friend Lisa Jones-Bragan, for her amazing support these past nine years”.

“Being a postie can be an important part of the community, especially getting to know people and delivering to the elderly and those with disabilities. Checking on our regular residents can be bit of reassurance for them. I have in the past done a welfare check on someone. As an ex-carer, sometimes your gut instinct kicks in and some things can play on your mind until you get home, so I’d rather know and have peace of mind that people are OK”. “When Owen Jenkins tragically passed away in 2017, I got to see the beautiful, positive side of Beeston’s community. I delivered to the Jenkins family and got to know that they are the warmest loving family you will ever meet. I have got to know a lot of people from around Beeston now, as I have worked all around the area and further afield. Since the lockdown, I’ve felt a lovely sense of community care. One lady a few weeks ago on one of my regular walks gave me some hand sanitiser, which I really appreciated. I’ve also received a lovely Easter card and some mini eggs. I have seen several notes on doors and windows saying ‘thank you’ to the posties”. “Five years ago I fell over during a delivery, on the same week that I fractured my hip, and so I was off work for three months. I had to have a titanium plate and some screws put in place. Since then I’ve done two 5k races, to raise money for Women’s Aid and Race for Life. I’ve also done a 10k run for Race for Life. Next year when the lockdown should be over, I’m hoping to do another run, this time for the OWEN (Open Water Education Network) charity, as it’s one that’s close to my heart. I try and visit every charity event that they attend, to help raise money for Owen, in his name”. “Although I don’t live in Beeston, I appreciate the opportunity of talking about myself, as I enjoy my job, working in Beeston and knowing so many lovely people”. CF

motherhood

at home

ey Beestonians, I do hope you are doing well and are safe at home. That’s how we start our sentences now isn’t it? Not, ‘what have you been up to?’ or ‘been anywhere nice?’, now we chat to people like we’re Victorian novelists. Every communication begins with ‘I sincerely hope this letter finds you and your family in good health’. Mr Darcy is spinning in his grave with excitement at it all. Those of us with children at home seem to have fallen into one of three categories. 1. Diligent home-schooling and regular work sent to school for marking, routines adhered to and alarms set in the morning. 2. Maybe we do a couple of lessons a week and send a photo of a drawing to assure the school we are still alive, no alarms and very little diligence, a few arguments per day but no throwing things. 3. The kids are feral/unsure as to location. We have settled into category 2 at the moment. We do a couple of bits of school work and send a picture when we remember, but mostly do our own thing and try to stay sane. Our daughter’s school topic was Vikings, so instead of scholarly research and reading we built the most amazing Viking settlement out of Lego and had a full on war. No one learnt anything, but we will remember the fun we had. I reckon that’s the goal in a time of our

lives when goals are paused. Just getting through the week sane and healthy, and maybe doing a couple of fun bits and bobs that the kiddos will remember. By far the most memorable part of all of this for me is the sheer relentlessness of being a parent. I know that sounds daft, because you sign up for that part when you have kids, but you also send them to nursery and then school and regain your time and head-space. My daughter has been going to some form of education for the last 7 years, and now she is HERE. ALL OF THE TIME, AND WOULD LIKE ANOTHER SNACK PLEASE. I’ve taken to faking needing a wee just to get a few minutes alone upstairs. It’s not that I don’t love her company, but if she asks me another question about Roblox I’m moving into the back seat of my car.

DAISY LEVERINGTON This issue: Motherhood in a pandemic

I’m hoping her memories of this period of her life will be positive. We have tried to strike a balance between maintaining school contact and allowing her the freedom to make videos about balloon modelling in her room and send us endless edits. I hope that her main memory is that we were all together for a while. Both my husband and I work long hours and the kiddo is foisted upon grandparents a lot, but she will have had months with us, and got to know us a bit more. I hope that this makes us respect each other a little more and look forward to long weekends of doing nothing when this is all over. I have a feeling that we will miss this little isolation bubble when we can choose to leave it. It’s either that or we go full Category 3 and teach her how to hunt the local cats with her teeth. DL

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creative DEBRA URBACZ This issue: The New State of Independents

f you are a regular to this magazine, you will have no doubt read about some of our amazing independent Beeston businesses and the inspirational people behind them. It is their words that you will be reading in this edition, after all no-one can describe the impact that the pandemic has had on them and their businesses, better than they can. First up is Houlia, artisan baker and owner of The Doughmother on Central Avenue. With just over a year under her belt this has been a particularly trying time for her. Whilst larger, older, more established businesses may be able to batten down the hatches until all this is over and survive on their profits, this is not an option when you are still building your business. “The impact it has had on all sorts of businesses is undeniable. Cafes, restaurants and businesses of similar nature have been hit quite hard and we started feeling its effects weeks before the lockdown was announced. With the government giving daily briefings, it became obvious to me that I had to take it one day at a time and adjust to the new fluid reality. I have to admit that my brain was racing during the first days trying to weigh up what would happen and how to best plan for the following days. But I soon realised that thinking about it was causing extra stress and worry while experiencing an already stressful situation. Sourcing the ingredients I needed became significantly more difficult as wholesalers, stockists and flour mills faced unprecedented demand and had to limit their services to cope with the pressure. Simply closing the bakery until everything assumes normality again was an obvious choice but would not have been a very helpful one on many aspects. I decided to have the shop open twice a week, primarily on an order-collection basis, instead of having the shop open 6 days a week as before the lockdown. This way I can still have a presence as a business and also keep providing the community with bread during the lockdown, to some extent at least. I can balance out what is on demand with what is on offer, minimise waste during these days of ingredient scarcity and implement a degree of social distancing. Under extraordinary circumstances it is important to search for new modes of functioning so that you can keep going. It builds a new kind of resilience and strength in people.

It is extraordinary to see entire societies slow down, adapt to the new reality, learn to live with less and strengthen community ties. So I, in a way, appreciate it as an experience, I think we can learn a great deal from it as individuals and communities. In the post-Covid reality, after we have mourned our losses, we will be stronger and more appreciative of life and things we took for granted before.” We are so pleased to be able to continue to buy fresh bread and pastries and support your wonderful bakery Houlia. So with the availability of The Doughmother’s delights restricted but not gone altogether, and being somewhat confined to our homes, we might be needing a little help with managing our waistlines! I know that strictly speaking we are allowed out to exercise daily, but that is not without its stresses and some of us might prefer not to, or cannot due to being on the vulnerable list. For that reason it is good to see that keeping moving, and ensuring your favourite jeans will still fit after lockdown, is being made easier by the menu of online classes around the clock. I asked Kitchen Dancing’s Jo, how she had managed to recreate the personal and engaging dance experience from behind a screen. “The last few weeks, as for many, have been a real rollercoaster of emotions; fear, panic, sadness but also at times overwhelming joy and happiness. It hit me around two weeks prior to lockdown that I was going to have to find a way to transfer the amazing energy and feeling that we all get from our dance classes together into a new reality where we couldn’t meet in person. The only solution was to go online which to be honest scared me to death due to my lack of technical ability, but when reality hits that you either have to adapt or risk losing your business and everything you’ve worked so hard for, fight and determination certainly kicked in. Thus the ‘disco den’ was born!! I spent the first couple of weeks going round in circles with technology, investigating various online platforms, having frustrations with Wi-Fi and lots of head-scratching around the grey area of music copyright - the trials and research are still ongoing to create the ultimate online dance class and what’s even trickier is negotiating exclusive access to the Wi-Fi with the kids….

beeston However for now, I feel happy with the route I have taken with free music-themed dance fitness classes live from the ‘disco den’ (aka my lounge) on Facebook live and Zoom which makes it accessible to all, with the option to contribute an amount which the participant feels is worthy of their experience. Any earnings over and above my usual weekly classes will be donated to a local charity. Although finances are being squeezed at present (especially as I also run a travel business), it makes me so happy to share my love of dance and music with others and also to see the positive impact it is having on others wellbeing at this time which is far more important right now. This whole experience has not only heightened my passion for what I do but strengthened my resilience and determination to continue down the bumpy road of self-employment. In the words of my hero Dolly Parton ‘Tumble outta bed and I stumble to the kitchen. Pour myself a cup of ambition...’! So here’s to stumbling through this difficult time together and coming out on the right side!” Absolutely Jo, your energy and passion for life is bursting out of the laptop as I join in every Wednesday morning! The wellbeing aspect to our daily lives, in such a time of uncertainty and worry, is made that much easier by dancing your cares away a few times a week. Hardly surprisingly, with all this extra time in our homes that compost and bedding plants are constantly on order and home improvements have taken a precedence over the general housework tasks. Which brings me to our last small business owner Mark Lowe, who makes practical objects for the home that are as elegant as they are functional. I caught up with Mark’s wife and business partner Marianne, who revealed an added tragedy to their lockdown story which has put incredible strain on their family and the business. “Prior to lockdown my parents were involved in a major road traffic accident in Aberdeen, Scotland. Mark and I spent a week in Aberdeen and then I stayed for another. My parents are now back in Nottingham and I am currently caring for my father, my mum is still in hospital. For us at Mark Lowe it hasn’t been a normal lockdown. Our business was put on hold and I haven’t been around very much.

With ‘lockdown' we are both at home and this has given us time to spend on the business. We spent time developing new products prior to this and had exhibited them at a show. We have since photographed them and added them onto our website. The only issue was that with no essential travel we couldn’t go to our professional photographer and so the photography was completed by Mark. Which I think he’s done a great job of! We have limited access to materials and of course orders and postage are delayed, which we have had to be aware of when receiving orders. Thankfully we have some stock and choice options - lampshades in different colours and a range of cord in different shades. We are at present mainly an internet based company and so this hasn’t been affected as such. Unfortunately we had signed up to do three large design shows nationally and these have had to be cancelled, understandably. The knock-on effect of this is, we often meet potential buyers at the shows who have seen our products online and want to see them in the flesh and aren’t currently able to. Also there are buyers who do not internet shop and this is where we would meet them. Our children are at home, therefore we have joined in with the masses of parents home schooling, and all its joys! We are staying positive and trying to make the best of our time together, being creative and organising our business, so that hopefully we can continue to grow and develop in the future.” It is truly inspiring to hear how these wonderful creative people have both adapted so quickly to the sudden and dramatic changes, whilst considering their responsibility to keep their community safe. It is even more vital that we show our support for all of our indie businesses to help them weather this storm, because they are living and breathing people in our community and their creative contribution adds warmth and colour to our lives. In the meantime, why not pop on over to their Facebook pages and show them some <3 www.facebook.com/thedoughmother www.facebook.com/kitchendancingjo/ http://www.kitchendancing.co.uk www.facebook.com/marklowe.co.uk/ https://marklowe.co.uk DU

JOHN COOPER

The famous northern astrologer, ghost hunter, medium and bicycle proficiency instructor, presents...

Beestonian Horoscopes Aries March 21-April 19

Life is tough at the top, and against all odds you keep on bobbing back up to the surface. How long you stay there this time remains to be seen, don’t be surprised if your days are numbered. Celebrity Aries - Priti Patel (29th March)

Taurus April 20 – May 20

Your recent birthday may not have seen you in the best of circumstances, and despite your protestations, things haven’t been going your way. Be careful not to gripe too hard, or you may end up pushing away a lot of those who were previously loyal to you. Lots of people have mourned the loss of stellar influence, but it will only be able to return when it is time. Celebrity Taurus - Tim Martin (28th April)

Gemini May 21 – June 20

Things have been taking unexpected turns recently and look like they will for the foreseeable. The stars are just about still moving in a favourable direction for now, especially The Sun. The energy of the planets will continue to channel your thoughts and actions - in particular you will continue to speak through Uranus on a regular basis. Celebrity Gemini - Boris Johnson (19th June)

Cancer June 21 – July 22

In these recent turbulent times you have been a steady ship. Which is a good job, as further storms aren’t that far off. Until then don’t be afraid to pamper yourself, maybe a haircut? Celebrity Cancer - Nicola Sturgeon (19th July)

Leo July 23 – August 22

Beware! It’s amazing how quickly Leo the Lion King can be knocked from his perch. Try not to be too tight, or you may lose the good will of those around you. Celebrity Leo – Richard Branson (18th July)

Virgo August 23 – September 22

It is your turn in the spotlight now, but be careful not to grab the chance too strongly, otherwise it will look like opportunism. Be careful your opponents don’t make you out to look like a donkey. Celebrity Virgo - Kier Starmer (2nd September)

Libra September 23 – October 22

As we move through late spring into summer, Librans will be hoping to achieve wisdom, insight, and perception to provide clarity in their situations. Along with the respect, admiration and regard that comes with it. Best of luck with that. Celebrity Libra - Matt Hancock (2nd October)

Scorpio October 23 – November 21

As the earth turns on its axis towards longer days and shorter nights, wouldn’t it be great if you could somehow capture that light internally? Be careful people don’t take any advice you give literally, or if they do make sure you’ve got something to shift the blame onto. Celebrity Scorpio - Donald Trump (14th November)

Sagittarius November 22 – December 21

It is easy to feel that your work may not be completely done. Why not let things ride and step back for a bit? The last thing you want is people seeing your true colours and turning against you. Be careful not to end up with egg on your face. Or milkshake for that matter. Celebrity Sagittarius – (Nigel Farage 3rd December)

Capricorn December 22 – January 19

As things have been much more relaxed for you lately, it’s given you time to reflect on what could have been. Looks like you dodged a bullet! Celebrity Capricorn – (Jeremy Corbyn 26th December)

Aquarius January 20 – February 18

During May you were flavour of the month, which must have come as a surprise, even to you. It is hard to believe that so many people agree with you, especially given your past controversies. Celebrity Aquarius – (Piers Morgan 24th January)

Pisces February 19 – March 20

Be careful to guard against your past actions coming back to haunt you. Everyone makes mistakes, and you are no exception. Luckily you will be able to rely on friends to protect you. As always you will put you and your family first before everything else. On occasion your vision might lack clarity, but be careful how you test things. Celebrity Pisces - Dominic Cummings (23rd February)

Illustrations by Daniel Cullen

The Naked Civil Servant

CHRISTOPHER FROST Life during the lockdown

ast month, our very own Lulu told us what it’s like to be on the frontline in a large supermarket whilst dealing with the current pandemic, so this month, I thought I’d share my experiences of working from home. Something that I’ve never done before. I work for a large department in the Civil Service. I won’t bore you with the details, as they aren’t that exciting, and the general public seem to have little interest anyway in the ‘background boys’ that help to keep the country running.

So for the first two weeks or so, I spent time sorting out emails, data purging, doing some online training and updating spreadsheets. It took me a few days to adjust to just spending 30 seconds going to work, rather than the 30 minutes I usually take. I was transferred to assisting on web chats, as my usual tasks had come to an end. Although I have been going in once a month to do some tasks that can’t be done remotely. April’s visit was certainly a strange one, with going in to an empty office. Walking around the city centre was weird too, as it was quite desolate at the time.

“Queuing up to go into eems s d n a l d n u o P oron like an oxym to me”

Up to now I have nearly always cycled that few miles into the city centre. Only occasionally using the tram or car, if I have problems with my bike, or the weather is too grim. Down University Boulevard, past the QMC, and along the canal to the office. About an half hour ride in total, as I don’t have a particularly fast steed, and you definitely won’t see me in lycra. So I’m not really that aerodynamic. I think leaving the house for work is symbolic of earning a wage packet, so imagine my dismay when on the 17th March, an email went round informing everyone that if they can, they should take their Surface Pro home with them and work from there until further notice. Now my role entails part physical and part computer work.

I’ve tried to discipline myself to not to get too distracted by reading books, spending time on social media and working out the next plot for Lego Nigel. There have been some distractions though in the form of our four puss cats, as they vie for cuddles, head massages and having a full belly. Pippin is the most persistent for petting, as she keeps jumping onto my desk. I have to divert her away from the Surface Pro’s keyboard, otherwise she might walk on it, and suddenly an important database gets deleted. Virtual meetings through Teams is an interesting experience, as no one switches their cameras on. It’s like being involved in a Radio 4 afternoon play.

Although my mental health is still holding up, I would say that my physical health has gone down, as the number of steps that I do has reduced from about 20,000 a day to probably 2000. I haven’t got an accurate figure, as my Fitbit broke some time ago, and I’ve not got a replacement. Besides not cycling to work, I don’t stroll for an hour around the city centre taking photographs, like I used to. Instead I just sit outside in the garden, having lunch and catching up on Facebook, or doing a sudoko. I know we are ‘allowed’ out, and now the rules about being outdoors has been relaxed, but it just doesn’t feel the same, and I don’t feel enthused to do it, although I have popped to Beeston on occasions. I guess if it was winter, I wouldn’t really go outside at all. This has caused my ‘muffin top’ to now become a whole doughnut, and it’s going to take a lot to shed all these extra pounds. Sleeping is a bit of a hit and miss affair for me at the moment. Not helped by binge watching Netflix boxsets until the early hours. At least there’s no compulsion to get up early, as we can work whatever hours we like at the moment, as long as we do a full day. So that’s a benefit. My wife is still working. She’s in admin at the QMC. So she tends to wake me up as she’s heading out. Sometimes I can drop back to sleep, sometimes I can’t. Visiting the pub doesn’t bother me, but the one thing that I do miss, is not being able to have a trawl around Beeston’s fair mix of charity shops on a Saturday morning. It’s something that I look forward to doing, as I never know what I might come across, or who I might see. Shopping these days is a bit of a strange affair, with only a few

open and having to queue to go in, like you were going to a concert or the cinema. It does feel like we are currently living in a former Eastern Bloc country, where there’s not much on offer and commodities are scarce. Queuing up to go into Poundland seems like an oxymoron to me. At least the panic buying mentality over toilet rolls and pasta appears to have come to an end. In a way I’ve been lucky to be still receiving a full wage, and not furloughed. In another way, I feel that I’ve missed out on all this paid free time, as I have a whole list of things that I want to do, including some DIY, gardening and sorting out stuff. I also have a heap of books to read, including some from local authors that I personally know, but have been amiss in reading their latest offering. I don’t think that I could ever be bored, as there’s always something I could find to do. No one of course has any idea as to how long this situation is going to go on for. And what are we all going to be like mentally when it's over? I bet there will be quite a few that will be suffering with agoraphobia and other similar problems. We’ve all become so used to dodging people now and keeping that imaginary two metre distance apart, that we will all need reassuring that it’s OK to shake hands etc again, and you don’t have to shout over the hedge to your neighbour. It certainly will be strange going back to work, and being in an office of a hundred people, rather than sitting all alone in the house. At least I won’t have to worry about data being lost from the servers anymore. CF

Experiencing

Lockdown As A 12 Year Old EWAN COOPER What's this lockdown like for kids?

ith the Coronavirus spreading like a wildfire, the UK was put under lockdown restrictions with millions staying at home and Beeston is no exception. Following this announcement, schools were closed, and many pupils were sent home but what have they been up to? Well I can’t really tell you what the 1000+ students at my school got up to during their quarantine time but I can tell you what I did! Most of my time under quarantine is spent at home doing quite a wide variety of things including schoolwork. If I’m not at home I’ve been at school two days a week as my parents are both key workers. At school we tend to do all the work in the sixth form block computer room. In there we use Google Classrooms which is a platform where teachers assign tasks, and we must respond to them by attaching a Word document. What I like about it is that

the teachers can respond to our work and mark it via email. I much prefer having a real human in the room though. At school there was only about 10 of us, and we sometimes got an extra bit of break to play football or hide and seek if it was raining. The sixth form is a great building for hide and seek. In terms of communicating I often Whatsapp or email my friends, and on Friday nights I join the Beestonian Publess Quiz on Zoom (I really recommend it!). Since the Coronavirus lockdown restrictions have been partially lifted, I have seen some friends following the social distancing guidelines. When I’m at home I’m also learning new things. A few weeks ago I painted the back garden fence and I have tried several new recipes. I think we could all learn something from this lockdown even though it is has often been super boring! EC

university of beestonia I

used to get/find/stumble upon inspiration for my Beestonian columns on my commute to work, either peering, half awake, from the window on an Indigo, or pottering along towards the West Entrance after a coffee in Greenhood. It gave me time to think about something to say and how I might go about saying it. My current commute is about 3 seconds. I thought it might be witty to just stop there but 1) the Beestonian’s (other?!) Yorkshireman is the funny one and 2) I’ve got a page to fill and an editor wanting copy. So, words I shall write and if your lockdown’s not eased too much, you can keep reading if you want. It’s easy to blame a lack of commuting time for a lack of inspiration but I think actually I’ve just hit some kind of lockdown stasis. It’s also been marking season at work and it’s not my favourite part of the job. I enjoy ‘teaching’ but in most cases marking is the one part of learning facilitation that I find a bit of a drag. There are notable exceptions, I was marking dissertations over, what was technically speaking, the spring vacation and it’s great to see the original research work that our students undertake – they do a great job. The added bonus marking wise is that every dissertation is on a different topic. I think I’m also suffering a bit from hope. Hope of what exactly I’m not sure, but as discussions begin about things easing and recovering, my own emotions seem to do the opposite. Maybe our copy deadline is just bad timing, and in a week’s time my clarity will be restored, and words will flow from my fingers like something that flows easily. But at the moment lockdown actually appears more straightforward

than what might come next. Shutting down was/is a much simpler process than opening up again. My own research is about benchmarking Earth systems, it’s based on the idea that by going further and further back in time we can find out how a given system can respond to a given forcing, and what happens if and when it breaks. There’s always a no-analogue problem though. That is, it’s possible the system can go into a state it’s never been in before; that however much we try we’re not going to find a perfect time in the past to explain where we might end up next.

MATTHEW JONES This issue: The more things stay the same, the more they change

And at the moment it feels we’re moving day by day, more and more into a noanalogue space. We’re not approaching a new normal, we’re heading for complete unknown. Our current lockdown is unsustainable, but the forcing isn’t going away anytime soon. So how do our existing systems cope with that? If we’ve time/space/stimulants enough to worry about it further, should they? What we hope (i.e. argue with confidence for in grant proposals) is that we understand the present and past systems enough that we can project what will happen to them with confidence in any potential future scenario. My guess is that our scenario testing will be substantially examined in the coming weeks, months and years. We also, though, relish the challenge (clearly not personally this month!) and trust that we can find new ways, technological, philosophical or other, to keep going and keep growing. Maybe we focus on the positives, of which there are many, or re-scale our horizons and gain new perspectives. Maybe we churn out words into the ether as something selfishly cathartic… If you know please contact my editor.

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Trees of Beeston #9 Spring lockdown: The Elder and Hawthorn

DR JO NORCUP "A culture is no better than its woods." W.H. Auden

Nature in a time of lockdown

ay is a glorious month for trees: the white blossoms of the Hawthorn – sometimes referred to as The May Tree - come into full bloom. The elder with its sweet scented blossoms hang heavy ready for keen foragers to revel in the short window of opportunity to make cordials and fermented beverages. Privets, when left to grow, produce small highly scented yellowy-white blossoms that attract the bees and pollinators. Along with the presence of heavy hanging lilacs over garden fences and hedges, May is a reminder from our resident tree community of the multi-sensual gifts of nature’s growth as buds and seedlings begin to flower and shoot, leaves of deciduous trees begin to unfurl. Our bird community is in full nesting flow: dawn and dusk choruses sound louder with reduced traffic, the busyness of garden birds gathering nesting materials a reminder both of the importance of the ‘wild flowers’ that provide the insect habitats necessary for birds to seek food, but also a reminder that between now and September, tree cutting or felling should be halted in order that resident birds are able to nest and rear their broods. The swifts have returned. Bats have begun their warm evening flypasts for gnats. Despite the hardships that prevail in the human world, the trees in our communities remind human inhabitants that there is an abundance of affirming life, and more importantly in these hard human times, that hope remains. In these uncertain and stressful lockdown times, the mental, emotional and physical comfort gifted by the life enabled through the presence of trees (give a tree a hug, hippy sounding I know, but it feels good!), the presence of our tree community feels especially welcomed.

In this column, I want to share my love of two trees that can be found along the embankments of train tracks and along the canal towpaths. Both marker the transition from spring into summer: to warmer more abundant times whose flowers and berries help sustain through to the autumn: The Elder and the Hawthorn trees.

The Elder and the Hawthorn These are both wonderful ‘hedge’

trees, and can be seen along canal side towpaths, railways embankments and along the edges of waste-grounds. These hedgerow trees gift a range of culinary and wellbeing gifts for those who wish to research more and forage. John Wright’s (2016) book A Natural History of the Hedgerow gives fulsome detailing of the history of both these trees in the shaping of the landscapes of the British Isles, and of their ascribed mystical properties, natural history importance as well as their well-being and culinary uses. I will summarise some of these below. As a caveat to what follows, if you do find yourself inspired and wanting to forage for the flowers, please do follow the forager’s code of practise, ALWAYS double check anything that you might want to pick for consumption, make sure you are legally able to access the plants / have permission, that you only ever pick a few specimens from one plant, that your plants are located away from polluting roadsides and are above large dog height (for obvious non-polluting reasons!), and that what you pick is only for your consumption. When in doubt, Don’t. (see Richard Mabey’s classic book, Food For Free if you are interested further).

The Elder (Sambucus nigra)

The Elder is a remarkable tree, and can be identified at this time of year from the multiple headed tiny white flowers that produce a head of flowers all from one stem (panicle). In addition to attracting pollinating insects, ladybirds are often to be found on or near an elder for the presence of green and black aphids that are attracted to the flowers. In turn, birds and bats feed on both the flower heads and insects, and Elder attracts a diverse range of butterfly, moth and fungus – the latter most obviously the edible but highly gelatinous Jelly Ear fungus. I personally err on the side of caution around picking fungus, preferring instead to gather the Elder flower heads that can be consumed when processed, either heads individually when lightly coated in batter and fried), the flowers processed to make a light, highly fragrant sweet cordial or fermented to make a fizzy champagne-like alcoholic homebrew. One only needs to gather one or two dozen dry open flower heads to achieve such a brew, ensuring that all insects are knocked off the stems before processing). There is a wealth of recipes online, but

please if you are tempted, do your research and gather responsibly as previously outlined. Flowers left to grow on the Elder will turn over the course of the summer into dark elderberries in early autumn. While these have trace toxic elements and should not be eaten raw, they can be processed to be made into a cordial or dried. Through the process of drying and cooking, toxicity is removed, retaining the rich vitamin C and antibacterial properties which has seen elderberry cordial regarded as a hedgerow staple for making cough syrups.

The Hawthorn (Cratagus monogyna)

Hawthorns have a long history of being used in hedge planting. The ‘thorn’ of the name indicative of its spikey think branches that interweave, proving ideal in the history of enclosure for dividing up land and discouraging any trespassers through their tightly interwoven branches. Sometimes referred to historically as whitethorn (and so as not to confuse it with the lower lying blackthorn from which sloe berries can be gathered), the Whitethorn’s white flowers that also gift it the colloquial name of ‘May Tree’, turn into dark red haw berries which are much beloved by birds, and can be used when

processed in making a bitterish but tasty jam or jelly that goes well with cooked meats and cheeses. A word of caution though: the Haw berries are a challenge to gather (protective gloves and a lot of patience!). The young green leaves of the Hawthorn that reveal themselves before the blossom can be eaten in early spring, and in past times the hawthorn was also known as the ‘bread and cheese’ tree because of the nutty flavour of the leaves that provided excellent accompaniment to bread and cheese to supplement past rural diets – once the tree flowers, however, the leaves are too bitter to consume. Unlike the fragrant Elder, the hawthorn’s blossoms, well, stink. I might be kind and say an ‘acquired’ scent, but it has in the past been compared to rotten fish. No matter, the smaller garden birds, the Sparrows and Dunnocks, Robins, Blue and Great Tits and Wrens love this tree for its contorted branches in which to hide from predators. The blackbirds that nest in my back garden Elder love the high tips of the Hawthorn from which to sing their morning and evening song. Dr JN

scotty's SCOTT BENNETT This issue: A Zoom with a view

s soon as you get that email, your heart starts pounding, “please join Zoom meeting in progress” fantastic, yet another chance to be scrutinized by thirty people all at once. That’s not a meeting, that’s an audition.

The tidiest place in your house now is anything in the range of the Webcam. Down that lens is the life you aspire too. Clean lines, fresh flowers, perfect lighting, it’s like an Apple advert. A few millimeters either side; crack den. Piles of dirty plates, last night’s takeaway boxes and underwear hanging from light fittings like voodoo trophies.

This is a growing phenomenon phycologists have termed, “Zoom Fatigue”

The worst bit is when you are waiting to go into the Zoom meeting. All you can see is your own horrible face and hair. You look tired, greasy and have jowls hanging down like a fat badger.

The global pandemic has made video conferencing the most important tool in business. I wish I’d have had the foresight to buy shares in Zoom or Skype before the world caved in. Back in January they were worth pence, now you could sell them and retire in the Algarve with your very own butler. When recruiting new staff for the office, historically a boss would look at your experience, or your ability to work as a team. Now it’s how good your broadband is and the resolution of your webcam. This lack of physical human contact isn’t normal though, in fact I think it’s an invasion of privacy. When you’re in the office, you can avoid boring Colin when he’s walking towards you down the corridor. You do a tuck and roll into an empty meeting room, pretend to have another phone call, fake death, anything to avoid his mood hoovering demeanor. With Zoom its impossible, eight hours a day, seven days a week, he can be there with you, sat in your own living room, staring into your eyes and slowly eroding your will to live. Having to be on guard all the time is tiring, you can’t relax. People often Zoom in front of a bookcase, to make them look intelligent. Always remember though that the other viewers are looking at what is behind you, so play it safe. The Dictionary, a couple of Bill Bryson novels, a few cookbooks. Don’t sit there with fifteen copies of Mein kampf in the background and a Haynes manual for a Volkswagon Beetle; you’ll be furloughed faster than you can say “Covid” It’s tapped into our love of being nosey. People are speaking but we really aren’t listening, we’re looking at their houses. It’s like an episode of “Through The Keyhole” Karen will be giving a presentation on the latest sales figures and all you can think is, “my god, she’s got a rubbish sofa. I think the springs have gone on that. What wallpaper is that? Al Fresco I reckon, someone got their bonus this year, look at the dust on her telly; disgraceful!”

I’m starting to detest the “join with video” button. I don’t want to “join with video” can’t we do audio? You know what I look like. They should have a button that allows you to “join with someone else’s face” that would be wonderful. Imagine doing a meeting to discuss the new company logo with George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. There is no good camera angle. I’ve seen more nostrils these past few months than a toddlers finger. You can try putting your laptop on books, hanging the webcam from a light fitting. You could send a drone with a GoPro hundreds of feet up into the air, but you still look ugly. It’s not normal conversation either, because you are acutely aware of everyone’s body language. Even the slightest facial expression is registered. You feel like a Police Officer, watching a press conference, where you just know the person making the appeal is as guilty as hell. “Janet rolled her eyes then, she hates me” “Now Keith looks bored” “Great, I’ve offended Carol” “Did Dave just swear at me?” You can’t speak properly because of the delay, you just constantly say, “No you go first, no after you” are we talking here or holding the door open? Everyone is shouting at each other, it’s just mayhem, it sounds like a football match. It’s the internet, you have a microphone, stop bellowing at me like Brian Blessed you moron. You can get trapped in these Zoom meetings, because the worst thing is, everyone knows that you can’t go anywhere. You can try and leave but no-one will let you.

soap box “I’ve got to go guys sorry”

“Obey me or I will silence you!”

“Where, where can you go, we’re in Lockdown!”

Looking good on Zoom is now a major concern for people, it’s like the nightmare of the Instagram selfie but live. I have seen tutorials on YouTube. These American Zoom Guru’s, with their perfect physique, skin and teeth, telling us how beautiful we can look just by switching on a desk lamp. They claim that they can help you “slay your Zoom meeting.”

“Err, over near the plant for a bit” Every Zoom meeting ends the same way too doesn’t it? People frantically looking round their phone or laptop to try and find the “Leave meeting button” We are then all treated to ten minutes of waggling fingers in full 3D, coming towards us like pink tentacles as they fumble around the screen. They’ll be a lot of people realizing how much their friends actually hate them now. If they don’t make an effort now it’s unlikely that they’re going to when the world returns to normal. People are literally spending all day sitting around staring at the walls and waiting for deliveries, they’ve had hours of free time and they still don’t call you. Imagine getting stood up now for a better internet offer, that would be brutal. “Sorry mate I can’t come to your Zoom birthday, my third cousin is doing a Disney Quiz!” Speaking of quizzes, please someone save me from this hell. Every single day there is another one, it’s absolutely endless, I feel like I’m in a never-ending edition of Mastermind. Our kids aren’t getting educated now, they are just learning loads of pointless trivia. They will grow up with no qualifications, unable to get a job, but at least they’ll be able to tell you what the depth of Lake Tahoe is to the nearest metre. What I would say is that if you’re a quizmaster enjoy this moment in the spotlight. You might be popular now, but try hosting a zoom quiz after lockdown. “No thanks Kev you weirdo, we only let you do it because you had the best broadband, now we’re off out for a drink with our real friends” “This is one round you aren’t involved in!” The zoom host has all the power. It’s basically a dictatorship. Sitting there lauding it over everyone, monitoring the screens, like a perverted security guard.

They offer handy tips like the clothing you should wear (simple and professional) the way you should always look interested, by sitting there with an inane grin on your face like a Waxwork Amanda Holden. Working from home isn’t easy, especially when the children are trapped with you. But fear not, the Guru has advice for you there too. “Tell the children that when the computer is on, Mummy or Daddy are working. If they are going to choke on those grapes, they need to do it outside of work hours.” Stop putting pressure on yourself, it’s an achievement at the moment just to get out of bed, just get through the days, that’s all we need to do. This isn’t about winning or succeeding, it’s about surviving. Just have a whip round with a wet wipe and put some pants on, that’s all you need to do. Oh and don’t worry about boring Colin, before you know it things will have returned to normal and then you can ignore him in person. @scottbcomedyuk | scottbennettcomedy.co.uk Find The Scott Bennett Podcast on SoundCloud and iTunes SB

lockdown

poetry

PHILIPA COUGHLAN This issue: Your poetry...

left Beeston last summer to move back to the south coast in Eastbourne, but I have kept in touch with some of the wonderful people I met at Middle Street Resource Centre. I went there originally because I had heard of the Poetry Group that meets on a Monday and was struggling because of ill health and depression. The Monday sessions soon became a highlight of my week. Bridget Dowling, who has been a longstanding member kept in contact with me after I left and when lockdown came into effect, we both realised how so many of the Poetry Group might be struggling without the weekly contact point on a Monday. Perhaps we could all contribute something by text or email? The idea was born and after two short lines from me kicking it off we have had weekly ‘get togethers’ with a growing number of participants, many regulars, some new poets and some like me past friends who wanted to contribute to the collective verse. There is now enough material perhaps for a book! But whatever the outcome it livens up the week for us all and Bridget sends round verses by

email/text and does phone catchups with some of the poets, opening up another avenue of communication. Middle Street Centre is a fully accessible, single storey community hub at the heart of Beeston next to the bus/tram stops. The Centre hosts the vital Mindset charity, providing huge support for those with varying issues affecting their mental health. It has a wonderful restful garden with volunteers producing plants and produce, walking group, music, arts and crafts and a thriving Café alongside rooms for hire for outside groups and links to help study and therapy and engaging in Wellbeing and recovery opportunities – such as the Poetry Group. Phone lines remain open during the week for support – 0115 925 2516 and for more information or perhaps to give a donation to this charity please check out beestoncommunityresource.wordpress. com I look forward to hearing of the day when Middle Street’s doors physically open once more for everyone. PC

SITTING IN MY GARDEN (Tom Machin) Bee’s buzzing Birds flitting by Sitting in my garden Underneath the blue sky Nature does not stop Even though there is A virus spreading round It will be summertime soon It’s wonderful to be alive You must count your blessings For a better day With all this sadness Gone away.

THE LOCKDOWN BEARD (Will Juckes)

This solitude enforced Is sweet to the taste Too bitter the company of man They don’t do what they should Speak what does no good They mock you and deride you They’ll f*** you if they can With their economic growth. This seclusion splendid Is speaking to my soul Yet only for a season I seek for company above Life is naught compared to love Hearts, minds, heaven, earth Changing now. New reason

SEEDS

New faith, new hope.

(Laura) When the isolation’s ended Feeling frustrated

Will we be any more free?

Worried and scared

A microcosm of the world, my home

I thought I was ready

Where private thoughts aren’t private

Fully prepared

Silence isn’t quiet And the toilet isn’t clean

It took me by surprise

And when will world peace come

That I do know

When we agree we’ve got enough.

What happens next? What issues will follow?

The lockdown beard is longer now Things really had to change

It makes you think back

Now the growth’s not economic it’s facial

To what led you here

In life, in death from end to source

The path you once tread

God is God. Nature takes its course

Anticipating no fear.

Love endures, patient, kind In full awareness spatial

That moment has arrived

The voyage has been rough

The outcome is unknown Uncertainty is my shell

This ship of fools is saved

My seeds have been sown.

The beard has been shaved.

beestumped CHRISTIAN FOX Just because there's a lockdown, don't think you can escape the TOUGHEST QUIZ IN BEESTON...

1. Taylor Swift grew up on what type of farm? 2. What is Owen Wilson's middle name? 3. American singer Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta is best known by which stage name? 4. Which singer was known amongst other things as 'The King of Pop' and 'The Gloved One'? 5. One of the greatest goalkeepers of all time, and was named FIFA Goalkeeper of the Year on six occasions? 6. In which film of 1956 did Elvis Presley make his debut? 7. Who was Bruce Forsyth's first female assistant on the Generation Game? 8. Which actress, model and icon said: “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” 9. In which Irish city was Terry Wogan born in August 1938? 10. Ryan Reynolds starred alongside Melissa George in this 2005 spine chiller? 11. Which island nation is popstar Rihanna from? 12. Which Italian city did George Clooney get married to Amal? 13. How many Hemsworth brothers are there? 14. How long did Pamela Anderson know Motely Crue drummer Tommy Lee before marrying him? 15. Which make-up mogul became the youngest billionaire in the world? 16. Who is Dolly Parton married to? 17. What is the name of the character, Ed Westwick played in hit show Gossip Girl? 18. Which actor/writer presented the Crystal Maze and also wrote the Rocky Horror Picture Show? 19. Tom Cruise is an outspoken member of which religion? 20. What is Brad Pitt's real full name?

ANSWERS: Christmas Tree Farm/Cunningham/Lady Gaga/Michael Jackson/Gordon Banks/Love Me Tender/Anthea Redfern/Marilyn Monroe/Limerick/The Amityville Horror/Barbados/Venice/Three/Four days/Kylie Jenner/Carl Thomas Dean/Chuck Bass/Richard O’Brien/Scientology/William Bradley Pitt

www.beestonian.com thebeestonian@gmail.coM

beeston beats

eee Yup fellow, and probably somewhat megally bored, Beestonites! I hope this issue has brightened your day, we have cracking writers here at Beestonian and together we aim to put a great big smile on a face or two, even if we are not currently in glorious glossy print. Last issue I shared my frustrations with the retail sector (I went full on grrr Lulu hulk mode) with how things are a bit, well putting it bluntly, a bit on the crap side at the moment. After weeks of lockdown, even with social interactions that continually being at work brings, plus having personal projects to keep me busy, I started to miss my old life of gigging, being a social butterfly, dining out and drinks at the local. After a pretty stressful shift I brought a flamingo Daiquiri box of cocktail (on offer and essential may I add), enough munchies to start a small business and pondered what could I possibly do with my weekend that didn’t involve cleaning. Well, flamingo flavoured was actually code for quite disgusting taste of floor cleaner and needed enough juice added to it am sure it wasn’t even alcohol anymore. Cocktail in hand I then set about reclaiming any of my old life back by getting with the times and delving into the world of watch parties (not to be confused with dogging, does that class as social distancing??). Anyhoo, so I started my Lockdown sesh, yup the Friday night to end all Friday nights, dodgy cocktail based drink in hand and realised the benefits to all this, I had no bus to catch, there's little to no queue for the loo, some 7 foot twonk isn’t going to stand in front of you and no pissed teenager is going to trip and pour a two pint of Strongbow over you while screaming ‘omg am not gonna be able to get up for school tomorrow!’ (I am not shaming I was also the drunken teenager and it’s always more fun that way round). Instead the Friday night start to the weekend is a more sedate affair during this point in time (I don’t need to tell you what’s going on, we ALLL know mmkay?), all that’s needed is some sort of device to tune into the interweb and a working connection. My favourite plus in all this is I sat in my

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cookie monster onsie no effort made, no makeup which has usually morphed into Alice Cooper style in the sweaty clubs and hair so messy I could have been mistaken for having shock therapy. Fear of missing out is now a thing of the past, staying in is the new norm and quick to respond was the internet. Pop up and watch parties started to be announced all over the place, normally on Facebook but occasionally on YouTube, whatever your musical orientation there are live music performances to suit everyone. Left Lion magazine Nottingham host Sofa Sessions, which features acoustic artists every night at 8pm until, as they say the Lockdown is lifted or they run out of artists. Theres always Folk Beeston – Club show every Friday night from 8pm, I tuned in to the soothing sounds of Colin Tucker, Tom Paxton, guests and a rather amusing finger puppet show by Dave Mooney. We Shall Overcome runs successful virtual gigs as does Punk for The Homeless, I tuned into catch Paul Carbuncle, poetry by Eagle Spitz and the raw musical stylings of Pixie Styx. The Steampunk in me tuned in to see Alice’s Night Circus as she bravely took to fans requests that included Green Day and Disney (not together you understand).

LULU DAVENPORT This issue: Lockdaaaaaann

There's old school dance in the form of Moon Dance Lockdown Sessions, its mesmerizing to actually watch DJs play, normally most can only see the top of most of the DJs heads while they perform but with Live stream you can watch in their own habitat while they dad dance and drink away the night (Judge Jules set for Back to the old Pool was hilarious) while having a good old nosey around peoples' places without getting arrested. I finished my evening feeling without it taking me an hour to get home by tram, I simply switched off my laptop and my adventure was complete, if this is the future of entertainment at least it has its perks, so for now I can get that all important music fix I miss so much, and while it’s not the same as live hopefully it goes some way to keeping me sane (well ish) Thank you and goodnight! LD

Stockists... Berliner, The Hive, Circle Eatery, The Hop

Pole, The Crown, The Star, The Malt Shovel, Broadgate Laundrette, Bubba Tea, The Bean, Beeston Library, Cafe Roya, Metro, Beeston Marina Bar and Cafe, Attenborough Nature Reserve, The Pottle, Greenhood, Beeston Nursery, The Victoria, Canalside Heritage Centre, Oxfam Books, L’Oliva, Two Little Magpies, Local not Global, John Flynn Opticians, Out of this World, lots of hairdressers and suchlike.

Top-notch contributors this issue... Christian Fox, Christopher Frost, Daisy

Leverington, Dan Cullen, Debra Urbacz, Isaac Seelochan, Jo Norcup, John Cooper, Lulu Davenport, Matt Jones, Matt Turpin, Scott Bennett, Ewan Cooper, Janet Barnes and Philipa Coughlan.