The Purchase Independent - 11/10/2011 by The Purchase Independent

the

November 10, 2011 | Issue #251

y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief: Ri l ey Ken ny s mith layout editor: To m D au er writers: Va n essa Cavan agh A l ex a Dillen b eck M a h a l ey Jacob s M el a n i e Mac Cas k ie Ró i sí n McCarty A n j el i ca O ’Brien M a da me Q u er y print manager: To ny Pon tiu s cover photo by: D avi d Grimald i copy editor: To m my Roach artwork by: M a rg o t Allis on web design by: D a n i el l e Lemp p The Purchase Independent is a nonprofit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee. We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Indy is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, comics, ads, event photography and event listings are welcomed. The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a caseby-case basis. Send all submissions and inquiries to your.indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring. me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring.me/ indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door. Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome.

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR That terrifying moment when you look at the countdown and suddenly realize what the numbers mean? Yeah, I just had that. I’ve had a countdown to the end since the first week of this semester and now that it’s just over a month to the end of my undergraduate career, I’m a bit terrified. I sometimes wonder at my decision to graduate early—it’s so hard to believe that I’m leaving this place. Purchase has been such a significant period in my life and I can’t tell whether I’m going to miss it or thank the heavens that I’ve escaped. It’ll probably be a mix of both. The terrible thing about Purchase is that we live in a tiny community rife with gossip and drama. And while it makes for some interesting spectating and riveting conversation, it’s really not healthy. But the excellent thing about Purchase is also its community. Go to some alumni shows on campus and you’ll see how passionately loyal we can be. Sit on the mall and watch how many people stop to chat with each other, even if they’re running late to something. Watch how many of those people hug—hugs are excellent, they’re one of my favorite things about people. There’s a lot of hugs at Purchase. A lot of talking and laughing. I think it’s those chance meetings when paths cross I’ll miss the most. There’s something rather magical about having that many people you’re genuinely happy to stop and talk to. That’s the best thing about Purchase.

CAMPUS

A CALL TO ACTION Did you know our college was designed to be riot-proof ? At least, that’s what some of my professors have told me. It’s the reason for the poor ventilation in the Humanities building, the awkward-height stairs, the distance between any sort of parking and campus, and the wind tunnel of an academic mall. Purchase was designed in the sixties. They worried about things like riots. Riots were happening. Riots are scary. Riot-proof we can handle. There’s enough mental violence involved in finishing a senior project, we really don’t need physical violence. But we need to remember that riot-proof is not revolution-proof. The revolution talk may seem extreme, but think about just our student body: many of us are tens of thousands of dollars in debt by the ripe young age of 22. Many of us will have no health insurance the day after we graduate. Many of us hope to find a part-time, minimum-wage job to make ends meet—never mind actually working within our chosen field. Maybe that’s “the way the world works” and maybe that’s because “life’s not fair,” but who says that we have to stand for that? Should we give in to injustice simply because it’s existed for a long time? I’m not saying that we all deserve to live worry-free with golden platters. I am saying it’s not okay that after four years of working hard—because college means you work hard—stepping out onto the street only to find there’s no possibility you’ll ever make it, that you were doomed from the beginning because you’re not already in economic or social power. Right now, this—New York, America,

BY MELANIE MAC CASKIE

the Western world—is not an encouraging place. It is our responsibility, with the energy of our youth and the privilege afforded us by a liberal arts education, to start making this a place where we can succeed. We are too young to know just what a good system looks like, but we are exactly the right age to refuse to maintain a broken one. Refusing to maintain a broken system is as much revolution as is feeding a throne to the fire. Let’s start here. Let’s start letting people know that we have the right to a say in how the system runs. Let’s inform those who govern us what it is that we value. Let’s start making sure laws and rules protect us, rather than seek to punish us. Let’s start educating ourselves about voting with our dollars, about ethics and property rights, about talking to our elected officials, about being citizens in a country that is supposed to be a democracy. Let’s do this together. Let’s come together to talk and plan how we’ll do this—and we can do this, and we can do it together. In solidarity with the Occupy Wall Street movement, the SUNY Purchase Community General Assembly convenes Thursdays at 8pm at the Co-Op to figure out concrete ways to make all of our lives better. All of our voices need to be heard, because the more voices we hear, the more we’ll succeed. No matter who wants to tell us otherwise, we have power. Let’s use it.

November 14th–18th

Purchase GA: Week of Action

teach-ins on the mall between classes email: purchGA@gmail.com

Dear Indy readers, In last week’s issue, we accidentally ran a filler headline on Alexa Dillenbeck’s article about SAFER and FORTH’s efforts to create a new sexual assault policy at Purchase. The headline, “Sexual Assault Thing,” was—though not intended to be so—incredibly offensive and disrespectful to survivors of sexual assault. The error was the result of my sleep-deprived editorial negligence and I take full responsibility for it. I apologize to anyone who was offended or triggered by the title. As a media outlet, we have a responsibility to our readers to be aware of and sensitive to issues like this. While one might use the phrase “the SAFER thing” to describe the TeachIn in casual conversation, calling something a “thing” in a publication sounds dismissive and is completely inappropriate. Sexual assault is an issue that is often met with inappropriate responses that attempt to silence survivors or undermine the importance of acknowledging and defending the rights of victims of these crimes. The phrase “sexual assault thing” contributes to this and perpetuates a culture that does not take sexual assault seriously. It is particularly important that our campus fosters a safe environment right now, as we attempt to write a sexual assault policy for our school that will help us combat sexual assault and the attitudes that delegitimize the fight against a rape-apologist, victim-blaming culture. We owe it to ourselves and we owe it to our school to be activists for this cause. Thank you, Riley Kennysmith

To our readers, By now, I’m sure you either saw or heard about the misprint in the headline of my article. This came as a surprise for me and so I know how it felt to read something that was so out of place. I’m sure our continual apologies cannot erase how you feel, but it’s the best we can do. We have never wanted to hurt any of your feelings and I hope that never happens again. I love this publication and it would be nothing without each one of you. We value your readership and we are nothing without you. My sincerest apologies, Alexa Dillenbeck

POLITICS

ON HERMAN CAIN

BY VANESSA CAVANAGH

Presidential candidate Herman Cain spoke to a crowd in Arkansas last week, telling Occupy Wall Street protesters to “go home and get a job and a life.” The former CEO of Godfather’s Pizza made the comments in response to over a dozen Occupy protesters who were gathered outside the event. But it’s not the first time Cain has bad-mouthed the growing movement—in early October he told the Wall Street Journal,

“I don’t have facts to back this up, but I happen to believe that these demonstrations are planned and orchestrated to distract from the failed policies of the Obama administration. Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks, if you don’t have a job and you’re not rich, blame yourself! ... It is not a person’s fault if they succeeded, it is a person’s fault if they failed.” I think Cain’s next step is to find himself a library to occupy, since he self-admittedly doesn’t have the facts to back up his own views. Cain’s campaign has been something of a drug-induced roller coaster ride—from his viral campaign video which features his campaign manager Mark Block smoking a cigarette, claiming we can take back America, followed by a cut to a close up of Cain’s face where it takes him an agonizingly hilarious eight seconds to smile. His recent poll numbers suggest a virtual tie with frontrunner Mitt Romney, and many Americans find him relatable, likeable, and a ‘self-made man.’ Yet Cain faces potential campaign finance and tax law violations, on top of a Politico report this past weekend which claims that he had been accused of sexually harassing two women while he led the National Restaurant Association from 1996-1999. I guess it’s safe to assume that Cain, a candidate who claimed the

conception of Planned Parenthood was ‘genocide’ in order to kill black babies (it must be obligatory for all the Republican candidates to ignore basic statistics and slander Planned Parenthood at this point), wouldn’t remember something as serious as sexually harassing someone, based on the way his team handled the situation. While it’s true that guilt (even of politicians) shouldn’t be inferred merely because someone is accused and settles, Cain’s team’s reaction to the scandal is puzzling. Cain spokesperson J.D. Gordon told Politico that Cain was “vaguely familiar” with the charges. How can a person be “vaguely familiar” when it comes to the issue of sexually harassing someone? The only way that could be true is if he is a serial harasser and has had so many victims that he can’t keep track of them. If I could just talk to Cain over a slice of pizza, I’d tell him simply: don’t sell yourself as one of your pepperoni pizzas if you’re actually a slimy ham sandwich from Subway. Either you are who you say you are, or you’re just another selfrighteous Republican fraud. The fact that a man is running for president when he can’t recall if he sexually harassed two women (even though there were two separate legal settlements involved), on top of the fact that he is enjoying an approval rating in the double digits, is unnerving. Running a pizza business isn’t quite the same as running for president. It’s also worth noting that he told CNN that “black voters have been brainwashed into not being open minded” in reference to black democrat voting trends. (continued on page 13)

CURE YOUR HUNGER

BY Róisín McCarty

I spend most daylight hours at work, so the only time I want to eat while I’m on campus, everything is closed. If I don’t have time to run to the More Store for some crackers and Arizona Green Tea, I have a list of my four go-to favorite off-campus food places. Panera Bread:

I might be a little biased, and this is a more “while you’re off campus” food, but Panera has a pretty good selection, and it’s pretty easy to get a lot of food for cheap when you figure out how. The You-Pick-Two is quite convenient if you’re not so good at making decisions, because, as the name suggests you get to pick two things and make them a meal, and you still have a choice between bread, chips or an apple as a side. Add a drink of any kind and you get a pastry for $0.99, including the giant cinnamon rolls that usually cost about $2.50. And who doesn’t love giant cinnamon rolls? Plus, it’s right next to Target and Wal-Mart, and they accept More Dollars.

Ming Dynasty:

I sometimes have this problem where, at inappropriate times, I get an intense craving for crispy wontons and nothing is right in the world until I receive them. Ming Dynasty has really good crispy wontons, can find the residential buildings on campus better than the competitors, and they usually give you a two-liter bottle of soda for free if you order one. They close pretty early, but if you can remember to order from them, it’s definitely worth the early late-night dinner. Sunshine Pizza:

As much of a bad rep that may Sunshine have, the food is pretty good for what you’re paying, and for the time of night you’re most likely ordering it. Open until 4am every day with online ordering, they are the perfect choice when you’re super hungry but aren’t in the correct mental state to be calling someone on the phone without giggling.

Cheeburger Cheeburger:

My friend Dan hyped Cheeburger Cheeburger up to our group of friends for a year before it finally opened in White Plains. If you aren’t off campus, they deliver until 4am most nights, and you can even have the milkshakes delivered. Try either a combination of watermelon/vanilla/Reese’s Pieces or chocolate/ raspberry/mint. The burgers are really good, the onion rings are to die for, it’s reasonably priced for the monstrous amount of food you receive, and there are a lot of vegetarian options.

All of them accept major credit cards and have their menus available for viewing online.

your.indy@gmail .c o m

ON OPEN MIC I want to start off by saying I am a fan of offensive humor, and specifically humor that draws attention to social issues. However, I would like to draw attention to the fact that there is a difference between humor and simply mocking marginalized people. I am speaking only for myself from here on out, but I’d like to imagine that I’m not alone on this. The monthly Lit Society Open Mic nights have been some of the most popular events on campus since Frank and Amy (the co-presidents of Lit Society) started hosting them regularly last year, and this is awesome. I think it’s great that there is an active writing community on campus that includes both majors and non-majors, beginners and pros. I’ve heard a lot of complaints about how the creative writing department is too exclusive, and that the lack of classes offered to non-majors has discouraged many students from writing––I agree. I think it’s a shame, but it is clearly an issue that won’t be addressed, seeing that SUNY has bigger problems right now than being more inclusive and engaging (budget cuts that result in unreasonable tuition hikes, et cetera, you know what I’m talking about), which is why it’s so important that these student-run clubs and events are an integral part of our campus life. After what I saw last week though, I think a lot of students maybe attending Open Mic for the first time also decided it would be their last time. Disclaimer, if this has not been made clear: I think what Frank, Amy, and now Bob are doing is a great thing that should continue. They don’t screen the work, they don’t play favorites or judge; first come, first served is the fairest way

BY Anjelica O’Brien

to do it, so the fact that the first person to sign up gets to be the first person to read should not change. The unfortunate part is that sometimes that first person is a racist, sexist piece of shit who would have their nose broken were they anywhere but at an art school that ironically claims to “think wide open.” The first reader was reciting what I guess was supposed to be a comedy routine. During this “comedy routine,” the student (a white male, by the way) made “jokes” about the “black bitch” with “rectangular tits” that took his order at a fast food place. Further jokes were made about the way Hispanic women at delis pronounce words like “lettuce” and “tomato.” Somewhere in here, our authors fucks one of the food service workers, because “that’s what they wanted” all along. I walked out before he was finished, but I can’t imagine how this ended. I was confused on a number of levels: why did anyone laugh? I mean it wasn’t a bringingdown-the-house laugh riot, but people did respond positively, maybe out of sheer discomfort. Why didn’t anyone tell him to get the fuck off stage? Did he not know he was reading to an audience comprised of the same people he was mocking? Or that the people who run the event that allowed this ill-informed navel-gazing to happen are either Hispanic, food service workers, women, and, more often than not, two or more of those things? Did no one tell him that offensive humor has to include some kind of actual humor, some wit or intelligence, and not just the regurgitation of cruel stereotypes? (continued on page 9)

THE EVENTS BRIGADE

BY ALEXA DILLENBECK

If you’ve been to a show or event on campus, chances are the Events Brigade planned it. The Events Brigade is also known as the General Programming Coordinator (GPC), who is someone whom the student body elects every year to plan the events that are held on campus. Elise Granata and Dave Benton, junior arts management majors, are the current leaders of your Brigade. They plan the smaller events that happen on campus (that are not Culture Shock, Fall Fest and club activities) including concerts and parties, and also bigger events like Zombie Prom and the Roller Disco. “The SUNY Purchase Events Brigade… where to begin? They are the silent backbone of the school, whether anyone knows it or not,” wrote Raymond Chalmé, sophomore arts management major, in an email. With both Granata and Benton being full-time arts management students, it seems like a heavy load to carry, but Granata says it isn’t too much to handle. “It’s just a matter of finding time, especially since getting an iPhone,” said Granata. “Having Dave helps a lot too. We really split the work evenly.” Benton thinks of things a little differently. “Sometimes it gets rough when a lot of events are going on,” said Benton, “but it makes me feel good that we are doing something.” The job is not a job for the weak. It requires dealing with agents of musicians who are used to dealing with colleges that overpay for the acts. The amount of money that the GPC is willing to shell out is usually only half of what

agents expect to hear. “We just think of cool ways to get things for cheap,” said Granata. Something the Events Brigade wants to accomplish is getting students more involved with planning their own events, and making the Brigade a network of people working together to set up events for the campus. “Ideally, I’d love to have a calendar of what’s going on,” said Granata. “It’s really appealing when students take iniative.” With clubs posting events on the Facebook group (SUNY Purchase Events Brigade), students giving their input on the group wall and creating their own events, the Brigade can reach out to the entire student body. “I highly encourage anyone that ever feels like they’d like to put an event together to seek out the GPCs and ask them for help,” wrote Chalmé. “They’re happy to assist you, and the feeling of seeing something you put time and effort into getting off the ground is indescribable.” Chalmé has already worked with the Brigade to put together an event, an intimate Co-Op show on October 22nd. “I couldn’t have done it without the GPCs guiding me through the process, yet at the same time leaving me in total control,” wrote Chalmé. The latest event for the Brigade will be the beach party-themed Roller Disco/Night of 100 Pizzas. Similar to last year, there will be rental skates and pizza (for students who arrive early) from 8pm–midnight in the Stood. There will be the musical stylings of Mokaad, EMEFE, The Guru and DJ Suzanne Kraft. Last year was

CAMPUS perfect, according to Granata, and not much will be changing. “This year we will be more prepared,” said Granata. One change is that this year will be the introduction of a beach party theme. While the weather’s changing, the Stood will be filled with bathing suits, cover-ups, sunblock and sunglasses.

ROLLER DISCO /

NIGHT OF 100 PIZZAS Friday, November 11th

(continued from page 7) I don’t know. I do know that one day he will have to leave this adult summer camp and enter the real world, which some of us already have. He will meet the subjects of his “comedy,” and probably spend his life working alongside them (because I don’t think his stand-up career is going to blossom, to say the least). And I look forward to it, because guess what, kiddo? I am that bitch behind the cash register, and no, I don’t want you to fuck me. I just can’t wait for you to find out what a joke you are.

the Stood from 8pm—midnight

• • • •

beach party themed, dress up! rent skates with your more card Mokaad • EMEFE • The Guru DJ Suzanne Kraft

Granata has had a zine called Inkwell Press about Connecticut, Purchase, and art which had a run from spring 2009-winter 2010. She has also interned with Topshelf Records and worked at Brooklyn Academy of Music. Benton is in bands LVL UP and Spook Houses and runs Double Double Whammy, a music blog and cassette label.

Getting Into Law School Thursday, November 10th

Student Services 2nd floor at 3pm

World Hunger Banquet Thursday, November 10th Southside at 5pm

Thursday, November 10th

hip hop club presents:

The Mix-Up

Friday, November 11th Southside at 8pm

• spoken word • beatbox vs drummer • beatboxing showcase

Sneaker Ball

(

presented by the Purchase swim teams

Red Room at 7pm

Friday, November 11th

Hillel Presents:

the gym at 9pm

the israeli six day war

How Much Do You Really Know About Depression? Thursday, November 10th Wellness Center at 7pm

ROLLER DISCO /

NIGHT OF 100 PIZZAS Friday, November 11th

the Stood from 8pm—midnight

• • • •

beach party themed, dress up! rent skates with your more card Mokaad • EMEFE • The Guru DJ Suzanne Kraft

Who You Callin a N@!#$%*: The N-Word, is it ever okay?

Thursday, November 10th Fort Awesome classroom 126 at 8pm

WPSR Coffee House

Thursday, November 10th the Co-Op at 10pm

)

• tickets $10, $15 at the door • prizes • Higher Vibe

FALL BALL: Moulin Rouge Saturday, November 12th the Stood at 10pm

Monday, November 14th

Music Building Recital Hall at 12:30pm

Afternoon Music

International Program Info: Archaeology Program in Israel Monday, November 14th Student Services 2nd floor at 6pm

Monday, November 14th Whitson’s at 8pm

• Milkmans Union • Cuddle Magic • Saintseneca • + more TBA

International Program Info: Social Activism, Memory & Human Rights in Argentina Tuesday, November 15th

Student Services 2nd floor at 6:30pm

EVENTS Thursday, November 10th

International Program Info: Language, Drawing & Journalism in France Wednesday, November 16th

Student Services 2nd floor at 5pm

Simon Critchley Lecture

Wednesday, November 16th Sky Clear Lounge at 6pm

Wednesday, November 16th VA 1016 at 6:30pm

Art + Design Lecture: Brody Condon

Crossing Borders

film screening

Wednesday, November 16th Southside at 7pm

Wednesday, November 16th Natural Sciences 1001 at 7pm

Natural & Social Sciences Lectures: from marriage to relationships: the new politics of intimacy

Horror Haus of Fracking

Wednesday, November 16th the Stood at 7:30pm

An interactive workshop about hydraulic fracturing in New York.

Cuddle Puddle by LGBTQU, Complexuality, TransAction and FORTH

Wednesday, November 16th Red Room at 10pm

Fusion: CCN 0014B at 7pm Film: Humanities Theatre at 7pm RPGA: Hub Basement at 8pm Chess Club: comm. lounge at 8pm Cheese Club: Co-Op at 10pm OAPIA: Hub Basement at 10pm Trans*Action: LGBTQU at 10pm

Monday, November 14th MSA Club: Sparks at 5pm FORTH meeting: Southside at 8pm Bible Talk: Starbucks at 9pm The Indy: CCN 1011 at 9:30pm Brick Meeting: Red Room at 10pm

Tuesday, November 15th Public Art Committee: Co-op at 4:30pm CoCOaS: the Stood at 5:30pm Green Team: Co-Op at 6pm Alternative Clinic: CCS from 6â&#x20AC;&#x201C;9pm DDR Club: the Stood at 7pm Public Relations: Co-Op at 8pm PUSH: Hub basement at 9pm SAC: PSGA Office at 9pm General Events: Stood at 9:30pm Complexuality: LGBTQU Lounge at 10pm LU: Hub basement at 10pm

Wednesday, November 16th Hillel: Hub basement at noon Psych Club: NatSci1030 at noon Senate: Southside at 12:30pm Sociology: SPARC room at 1pm Stood meeting: Stood at 2:30pm CBLA: commuter lounge at 7pm Anime: commuter lounge at 8pm SOCA: Hub basement at 8pm The Submission: CCN 1011 at 8pm Hip Hop: Hub basement at 10pm LGBTQU: Red Room at 10pm

SOUTHBAY CABARETBY MAHALEY JACOBS SouthBay Cabaret is a unique producing organization here at Purchase College. Designed to showcase campus talent, this student-run organization began two years ago with a collaboration between the Performing Arts Center and the Arts Management program. It began as a presenting series in the south bay lobby in the PAC. From music and dance to spoken word, improvisation, and even circus acts, SouthBay Cabaret has brought out a plethora of student talent, all while located in a comfortable and intimate setting. Originally envisioned as a unique student showcase series in a cabaret-like atmosphere, the first inception was met by numerous hurdles. It wasn’t until Rachael Pazdan (an arts management major who graduated last spring) took the project under her wing that the end result proved itself beyond successful. The college community has since come to know SouthBay Cabaret as a campus outlet for gathering, socializing and noshing with friends while enjoying a diverse spectrum of performance art. Pazdan and her dream team developed their winning formula by first acknowledging that they needed to create a strong foundation of Arts Managers, each with a diverse background in producing. Arts management, the fastest growing major at Purchase College, has been the backbone of SouthBay Cabaret’s ingenuity and outreach. Working in tandem with the Performing Arts Center, the SouthBay team strives for each performance to truly reflect Purchase College’s eccentric culture and inspiring background in the many disciplines of the performing arts.

Last year, SouthBay lit up the campus events scene with “Screw Love: An Un-Valentines Day,” an anti-romantic cavalcade of comedy, music and dance in February. They did it again in May with the David Bowie/1980s glitter show: “The Solid Gold Social Affair.” Now under the direction of senior Jakob Backer and junior Rosemarie Fuentes, the SouthBay team is roaring back to campus, busy plotting out another great season of shows. The first SouthBay Cabaret event of the 2011-2012 Season will be on Thursday, November 17th. The theme for this show is “The 27 Club,” a tribute the music legends who died at the age of 27. So get ready for a wild time travel, and a unique experience honoring entertainment greats like Jimi Hendrix, Amy Winehouse, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and many others who left this world a little too soon. Co-Sponsored by The Cheese Club and the Arts Management Club, the tribute event will also be hosting a 27 Club look-alike contest, and will be giving away an iPod to the winner. For more information you can find SouthBay Cabaret on Facebook. Don’t miss it!

SouthBay Cabaret:

The 27 Club

Thursday, November 17th PAC upper lobby at 7pm

your.indy@gmail.com (continued from page 5) The pastor also waddled into the immigration debate with a compassionate, humanist take on our border problem:

“When I’m in charge of the fence, we going to have a fence. It’s going to be 20 feet high. It’s going to have barbed wire on the top. It’s going to be electrocuted, electrified. And there’s going to be a sign on the other side that says it will kill you.”

AUTUMN ELECTIONS FALL BALL GLITTENS KITTIES LEAF PILES NOVEMBER ROLLER DISCO SCARVES SENIORITIS

Cain’s ‘imma talk plain’ speech to a group in Tennessee was greeted with cheers of approval. After some criticism, he claimed he was ‘joking’— because I always like my presidential candidates to have a sense of humor when it comes to making wisecracks about killing human beings. There is a Herman Cain train chugging along, even if it happens to be a circus train. As long as there is rhetoric resembling Rush Limbaugh’s recent defense of Cain—the radio host called the Politico account “an unconscionable, racially stereotypical attack on an independent, self-reliant conservative black because for him that behavior is not allowed,”—there will be trouble. Even if most of us have enough sense to never take seriously the kind of shit people like Limbaugh spew, it’s important to keep in mind that there are people who do. For too long, the wealthy and powerful have benefited from Washington policies that continue to help them at the expense of everyone else. Instead of focusing on policies that will create jobs, hold Washington and Wall Street accountable and bring people together, Republicans and the Tea Party have decided that it’s in their political interest to continue dividing us by pitting us against one another. And it seems like Cain’s campaign takes that to a whole new level. For his next stunt, I hope to see Mr. Cain come out in support of land minds and an alligator-filled moat behind his proposed electrified fence.

MADAME QUERY

HAS YOUR REMEDY

Madame, I am euphorically in thrall to

Madame Query, I’m currently 3,900 miles

pleasing my ladies orally. However, I have

away from my best friend and will not be

an uncanny interest in “cleaning my own

able to see her for another year. Madame

mess,” which I haven’t disclosed to her.

Query, how can I show/tell her how much

How do you think she would respond?

I miss her?

Is it gross? Is it a turn-on? Will she let me kiss her?

Madame believes you read like a tweet from Courtney Stodden. There is nothing weird about wanting to please your ladies. We all have sexual fetishes we like to play out, however we don’t always have partners who want to play that out with you. That being said, Madame is a little confused on what you mean by “cleaning my own mess.” Are you talking about the mess that cums from inside you? Or the “mess” you cause from “pleasing your ladies orally?” Either way, Madame does not look at this as gross, as long as your partner is consenting. Personally, it isn’t something Madame would be looking for, but this girl might find it cute. Ladies are fickle sometimes (just like men), they may really like one thing that would seem to correlate to something else, but your assumptions can turn out completely wrong. Forget women, sex in general is just as confusing as that last sentence I just wrote. Okay, the real advice here is you should try offering to “clean” your mess. If she doesn’t like it, don’t do it. And well I guess that can also answer whether or not she will kiss you. Just ask!

Studying abroad is hard. Madame doesn’t know this personally because she never went abroad, but she has definitely experienced lonely times due to friends leaving her behind to study abroad. As someone in your friend’s shoes, I have to say although it sucks to be left behind in the good Ol’ U.S. of A. they are still very happy for you. It is a once in a lifetime experience for most people to be immersed in a new culture, let alone travel. Don’t feel bad, just have the time of your life as best you can. While your best friend is probably really jealous that you are in a sweet place, she is also probably proud that you have this opportunity. But again, she is probably really jealous, so make her feel better by keeping in touch. Facebook chats, write letters, Skype, or even better, send a super sweet souvenir. I’m not exactly sure where you are studying, but if it’s France send her a beret; if it’s Italy, a leather jacket (okay, okay maybe a little leather bracelet). If it’s Germany, Kinder eggs, good techno music, makeup/ nail polishes from Bipa, oh and you cannot forget any Diddl merchandise. These are probably some of the best ways to let her know that you are not forgetting about her.

A DV I C E Madame

Query,

friend

has

Dear

Madame,

cannot

stand

amazing rack! We’ve been friends for a

boyfriend’s exes, but they’re always

few years now, and I still haven’t gotten

around. What to do?

to see them. Mme Query, how can I get her to show me her tatas?

I hate to break it to you, but if you have been friends with someone for a few years and you still haven’t seen their breasts, chances are, you are never going to see them. Everyone knows that if you want to see your friend’s boobs you can’t go longer than the first month of being friends as just being friends. Friends usually only see friends’ boobs if they started their friendship with a onenight stand, brief relationship, or long-term relationship. Wow, Madame is realizing just now how many of her friends have seen her tatas.... But anyhow! If you’ve been friends with her for a few years and you guys are just that, then it is pretty clear you won’t see them. You won’t see them unless she is involved in a possibly embarrassing (probably drunk) game of Truth or Dare. Even then she probably won’t show them, maybe because she does not want her good friend (you) to see her in that light. So save the dare for someone a little more willing. (Madame does not endorse using Truth or Dare as a game of sexual exploration… although it is fun.)

Your boyfriend is one of these types... A. He is a nice guy who ends up friends with all his exes. He doesn’t want any hard feelings with anyone. B. He is completely oblivious about these old flames’ passing moves on him. C. Not over any past relationship. I’m going to say the most logical answer here is A. Why? Because if it is multiple exes, it doesn’t make sense for him to be that oblivious about getting hit on. (He’s had these people before, he knows their games.) And if it’s C, why would he be with you? Yes, of course it is possible for someone to date a new person while still getting over the tragedy that was their last relationship, but it is extremely rare for someone to date while getting over multiple relationships. That would be a little excessive. Here is what you do: tell your boyfriend that you are uncomfortable with all of those exes always roaming around while you try to build your relationship with him. Tell him that while you don’t mind hanging out with them (even though you do mind, you have to sacrifice a little for his friends), you just can’t be around them as much as you are now.

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTIONS

TO MADAME QUERY http://www.formspring.me/madamequery

SUBMIT BACK PAGE QUOTES VIA THE BOX OUTSIDE CCN 1011 OR ON THE WEB AT: HTTP://FORMSPRING.ME/INDYBACKPAGE

*some quotes have been rewritten for legibility or to preserve the anonymity of the submitter