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PURCHASE H E INDEPENDENT ISSUE 268 MAY 10th, 2012
LAST ISSUE OF THE SEMESTER!
y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief:
Ró i sí n McCarty layout editor:
To m D au er
writers: Alexa Dillenbeck Drew Mollo Laura Meltzer Noelle Moore Jake Mur phy Alyce Pelleg rino Mike Reluzco print manager: Tony Pontius (i )Tommy Roach cover photo by: Tyler Dawson artwork by: Madeleine Bergman Nicolas Sienty web design by: Danielle Lempp (i )Alexa Dillenbeck
The Purchase Independent is a non-profit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee. We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Independent is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, event photography and event listings are welcomed. The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a case-by-case basis. Send all submissions and inquiries to your. indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring.me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring. me/indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door. Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome.
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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR We’ve made it to the end of the semester! I would say finally, but I feel like the past few months have absolutely flown by. I’ve had an incredible amount of fun working on the Independent this semester, and I’m looking forward to doing it all again. Next year, our layout editor will be Melissa Foster. She is wonderful and extremely talented and I’m excited to see what she will bring to the publication. That being said, this is Tom’s last issue. I had a lot of fun working with him, and he really helped me adjust to the position as quickly as possible. I would also like to thank Brittany Mayes, the PSGA, Riley Kennysmith, Cindy Mack, and my beautiful mother for all of their support. My staff has been an absolute dream this entire semester, and I’m beyond happy that a few of them are sticking with us and rejoining the staff next year. Good luck to all of the graduates, and I hope that everyone has an absolutely fantastic summer! Stay Classy Purchase College,
y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m
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CAts, cats, everywhere BY Alexa Dillenbeck I sat down on my bed with my two cats, Junebug and Stinky Dillenbeck, to ask them a few questions about my return home for spring break. Junebug and Stinky are both chubby cats of indeterminate breed. Junebug has a tan and grey coat and a small head with somewhat goofy eyes. She likes to roll around on the living room floor. She is almost getting too fat to complete her trick of rolling in a circle. Stinky is short and has a dark brown coat. She has piercing eyes and loves to get scratched near her tail. She can get frisky when this is done and she has a tendency to nip at the arm fat of the person who is scratching her.
J: I don’t know why you did that! I just like to lie
Are you excited that I am back and why? Junebug: Yes because now I know we will be
her privacy! S: You lick yourself in front of strangers all the time! You surely can’t really want privacy… J: Shut up.
fed on time. Stinky: Yes because now I can nibble on some good arm fat late at night when everyone else is asleep. What did you do while I was away? S: I ate a lot and slept a lot and pooped a lot… J: [cutting her off] You do that all the time! S: Yeah, but this time she wasn’t home to feed me
around, and instead when you come home, you just want to take a billion pictures of me and put them on the internet! But your friends seem to like us, I guess. Well, I made you accounts so I could tag you in pictures… J: That’s the only reason?! It’s a good way to show you off to my friends! Don’t you like the attention? S: I sure do. J: I like attention, but sometimes a girl just wants
My friends hear a lot about you two so I wanted to show them how cool you are considering I think you two are the coolest cats ever. S: That is really sweet of you. What is so cool
about Purchase that you have to leave us here alone?
or wake me up or clean up my poop! Okay, let’s move on. So, I made you Facebook accounts. How do you feel about that? S: I like it. I just wish I had more friends and
I was hoping that Facebook would allow “Stinky Dillenbeck” instead of you having to use my nickname, Snook Nook.
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Well, I have to get an education so I can get a job, Stink. J: We didn’t get an education! Why can’t we get
jobs? JOBS FOR CATS! JOBS FOR CATS! It looks like I’ve taught you something! I’m glad my kitties are getting into activism. FORTH would be proud of you. S: What is a FORTH?
cats
FORTH is the feminist club on campus. We have meetings and talk about what we can learn or do to make the world a more equal place. S: That sounds hard. Are there fun clubs?
Yes, but they are forced to deal with it. Besides, they love being around you and Alli and Dad just take medicine if your fur is making them sneezey. J: Do your friends think you are weird or boring
because you love us so much? There are clubs for a ton of things! There’s a Cheese Club and an Anime Club and LGBTQU and a bunch of others. J: Is there a cat club?
I don’t know. They probably think I’m weird or crazy, but I don’t care because my cats mean so much to me. S: That’s really nice of you. Thank you.
I don’t know, but if there is, I really should go to it and become the president. We can’t have cats in our rooms on campus, so I don’t know how the club would run. J: NO CATS ON CAMPUS?! No, you babies make too many people sick and your poop and pee smells. S: That’s really stupid. Why wouldn’t people
want to look at our cute little faces and snuggle us all day? Not everyone is a cat person, Stinky. J: How come?
Stinky Dillenbeck
Well, my dear, some people like dogs or fish or dislike animals in general. And I am what most would consider a cat lady, which means all I talk about are you two monsters and cats in general all the time. My friends only hear me talk about cats and a few other things. Also, some people are allergic to kitties and their fur or saliva and they get sick when they are around you. S: Aren’t your dad and sister allergic to us? Junebug Dillenbeck
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thoughts oN graduation BY drew mollo When I thought of what to write for this article, I remember the last moments of “Boy Meets World,” when Mr. Feeny sat in the same classroom with the adults he watched grow and mature from children before his very eyes. When asked for any advice he told them to “Do Good” and explained one of his last words of wisdom before the show that grew with us ended where it started, in the classroom. I knew some of the current graduating class when I was graduating from Purchase almost 3 years ago. Now many of them are preparing to walk across that stage to the next stage of their lives. I recommend bringing a book, or perhaps Mad Libs if you’re attending, and if you’re graduating: hold onto your butts. I’ll be totally honest with you. Purchase taught you and didn’t teach you anything at all. No institution can truly prepare you for the reality of the real world. The real world sucks. There are limited jobs, overwhelming taxes, loan payments, and the sinking reality that you might have to live with your parents and work at a minimum-wage job at the hometown mall for a while, earning a bachelor’s degree only to take food orders from people who can’t even read or follow the most basic of instructions. If you’re freaking out about not knowing where you’re going, don’t worry. About 85% of your class is in the same dilemma and those who already have a plan, congrats. I sure hope you have back-ups because plans can go tits up in a millisecond. Everything from now on must be earned, and once in a while you might get a
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freebie, but that’s about as rare as a politician following through on their promises. If you have the desire or requirements to do so, I advocate the investment of going to grad school. Every advantage you can have out in the really real world, the better your chances for success. Now I hope you don’t think I’m writing the to crush any hope you have left. It’s rather the contrary, there is still hope in this dismal mudball of a planet and it’s all on you. While Purchase is not the greatest at preparing you in certain areas, it is one of the best places for forming relationships and long-last memories. Each one of you graduates and underclassmen are overflowing with stories of drunken escapades, emotional heart to hearts amidst cigarette smoke, and millions of original connections formed over the last four years. You’ve watched others change before you and thus upon witnessing it, you’ve changed who you are yourself. You have your mistakes and regrets right next to your accomplishments and triumphs like a trophy case of your soul. I urge you to remember those moments fondly for you would not be who you are without them. After graduation, everything will change. Friendships will fade, invincible bonds will be broken, new relationships will be formed as your entire world expands to encompass the infinite possibilities of your life. This is a grand reconstruction; a building of the highways to your destiny and it will not be easy. Some of you will deny it, some of
graduation you will run, and some of you will head it face on. Do not be afraid of failure for sometimes it teaches you more than success and when you strive to accomplish, don’t brag because braggarts tend to get tripped by their own ego. My best advice? Have an idea of where you’d like to end up and improvise everything else. The problem with graduation is that you realize you are the next in line. It’s a very strange world we find ourselves dropped into at this point. We are a civilization moving at light speeds. We are raised and raise children with television sets and computer screens. We are constantly seeking to understand and comprehend things, as our lust for information possibly overwhelms our ability to appreciate those small moments that make us human. The world is in constant influx and one second it looks like everything’s going to be alright and the next it’s 2012 and it feels like the end of the world, forealiously. Don’t be so dramatic. You are not here to save the world, you are here to make the world a better place by being the best you can be and doing what you love. Never forget that. In the end as you prepare to walk across the stage, I can’t stop remembering the end of “2001: A Space Odyssey” when the main machine HAL 9000 is being disconnected by Bowman. Its assurances turning to pleas as Bowman is now more machine than man and HAL genuinely admits to being afraid before regressing to its earliest memory before being gone forever. As I finish the article, I remember the uncertainty I felt when I first came to the campus ages ago. I was afraid of the choice I made, when it turned out to be one of the best I had ever made. Period. No matter how many years pass, people can still look back to that old campus made of
bricks and remember all of the good times. No matter how much you change, no matter how bad it gets, you’ll always have Purchase and everything it contributed to your life. As for all you underclassmen reading this, don’t worry. Your time will come and your graduating upperclassmen will be back. Purchase has that way about it. But for now, never give up, never surrender and be excellent to each other.
COMMENCEMENT CEREMONY: MAY 18th at 12:30 pm Processional begins at 12:00 pm Senior week begins Wednesday, May 16th
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SUMMER WITH A SIDE OF SHARKS BY NOELLE MOORE Sharks are pretty much synonymous with summer. When you’ve got 200 million people flocking to beaches as the weather gets warmer, Shark Week beginning to be advertised on the Discovery Channel, and the media preying on the public fear of these awesome predators, people start to worry if their summer will be interrupted by a shark attack. I’ll begin with this disclaimer: In case you couldn’t tell by now, I love sharks. I watch Shark Week re-runs on Netflix and Amazon Instant Video throughout the year. One of the items on my bucket list is to dive with great white sharks. Instead of a crazy cat lady, I am a crazy shark lady. When you hear the word “shark”, the gaping maw of a great white probably comes to mind. But did you know that among the 360 or so species of sharks, there are generally only four species of sharks that are dangerous to humans? They are the tiger shark, the bull shark, the great white shark, and the oceanic whitetip. Understandably, the great white is probably the name that sticks out and makes your heartbeat speed up, due to its status as the world’s largest predatory fish and the media’s exaggerated focus on it. However, there is evidence to argue that it is the bull shark that is the greatest threat to humans because of its proclivity to hunt close to shore, its ability to survive in fresh water, such as rivers, and its famed aggression, due to having the highest level of testosterone in the animal kingdom. Now, if you’re planning on heading to
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the Jersey shore a la Snooki this summer, as I am, I’m pretty much telling you to put all concern of a potential shark attack out of your mind. Despite the fact that Jaws was inspired by a string of attacks along the Jersey Shore in the 1960’s, nearly all shark attacks occur in Florida, Hawaii, the Carolinas, and California, which, if you understand basic geography, is either in the south of our country or the on the opposite coast. Wherever you are swimming, my advice comes down to same thing–just be smart. The fear shouldn’t keep your out of the water, and if you do go in, simply be smart about it. I bet nearly every time you’ve entered the ocean, the thought of a shark attack has crossed your mind. Hopefully this primal fear is not debilitating, as I’ve known it to be in some individuals. The terror of “what if ” is often scarier than the creature itself. It is sad that this fear keeps many people out of the water. To put things in perspective, there have been about 1,085 attacks in the United States over the past 342 years, with only 44 of those attacks being fatal. You are more likely to be struck by lightning than to be involved in a shark attack. To de-demonize sharks, look at them this way: These are curious creatures, as many apex predators are, and they will investigate anything unusual in their environment. Sharks, in case you didn’t know, lack hands. Their only method of investigating is to use their mouth, a mouth that has lots of teeth. A great majority of “attacks” are sharks performing an exploratory bite before
info swimming off, having collected all the information they need to determine that we are not something typically on their menu. A gentle nibble to a shark, however, can have disastrous consequences for a human, seeing as how large and powerful sharks are. In fatal attacks, more people die from blood loss rather than from being eaten alive. Sharks aren’t mindless killing machines. They don’t spend their time idly swimming through the ocean and thinking to themselves “You know, I’m gonna specifically attack humans. Just to fuck with them.” They are opportunistic creatures, never entirely knowing when they are going to get their next meal. Until they bite, they cannot what something and whether or not it is good for eating. If you were hungry and you saw what looked like a Big Mac conveniently in your vicinity, you would go for it. Granted, maybe a soggy meat patty is not the most appealing of food items, but I’m sure you get my point. Anatomically, we are not great food for sharks, which require high-fat diets. We’re too bony, with not very much muscle mass in comparison to seals and large fish. If you’re still wary, I’ll leave you with some common myths and facts about shark attacks. The presence of dolphins does not necessarily indicate that there aren’t any sharks in the area, since both creatures feed on the same food. Do not enter the water at dawn or dusk because not only are sharks feeding, they have a significant sensory advantage over humans. When entering the water, stay close to a group, as sharks are more likely to attack a solitary individual. Do not stray too far from shore because not only does this isolate you, it also places you farther away from assistance. And above all, have an awesome summer.
DONATE TO THE PODS BY brittany bollenbAch GOT STUFF you don’t want? Can’t carry it all home? DON’T DUMP... DONATE!
Bring your unwanted/(un)used items to one of the three PODS, near the dumpsters in the apartment areas. The Olde, The New, and Alumni. Starting MONDAY May 7th through THURSDAY May 17th between 12-6 pm (weekdays only). Next semester you can get free stuff from the Pods! SO go on, DONATE! The more you donate now, the more you have to choose from next semester! For more information, or if you’d like to volunteer please contact Brittany.Bollenbach@purchase.edu or (845.532.6421).
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SENIORS AND THE JOB SEARCH BY laura meltzer A bottle of Jameson, a long walk, or finishing his screenplay are the remedies Dramatic Writing senior, Alexander Gustafson uses to calm and distract himself from completing job applications before he graduates in May. “Chilling out doesn’t involve chilling out. It involves not doing what I’m supposed to do and having the guilt come in and getting more stressed about it,” says Gustafson. Like him, many other seniors have been avoiding the job search upon graduation. “It hasn’t been the most present thing on my mind. My senior project and everything else I’m doing right now has taken more precedence. It’s become a backburner thing,” says Danni Jurado, a senior Philosophy major. Fear of not receiving the work they want has kept some seniors from applying for work. Melanie Mac Caskie, a double major in Anthropology and Literature would like to receive a job “in the education sector that’s not being a grade school teacher.” “Lets be serious, I’ll probably be working as an administrative assistant,” she feels. Some have tried to use previous internships and family connections to prevent filling out applications. “I interned for the television show ‘Ugly Betty’ when it was on. My uncle worked on the show. He actually has another good connection with one of the executive producers on ‘The Big C.’ Going forward I’ll use all the contacts I’ve made,” said Aaron Dworetzky a senior major in New Media with a minor in Math/Computer Science.
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Film major Christian Frahme has been told by his advisor not to apply for jobs yet. “I had wanted to start applying and looking for jobs, but my advisor said if you do it too soon in this situation with these kind of jobs it could be a bad move. They will say ‘all right we need you now. Can you come in next week?’ And if you say ‘I can’t,’ then they’ll say ‘sorry,’” he said. A few seniors have been offered employment through previous internships, but have chosen not to take the position, such as Jurado. “NYPIRG (New York Public Interest Research Group) told me I should apply and would want me. The biggest consideration that’s keeping me from doing it is I would have to be able to find an apartment and use that income from NYPIRG to sustain myself. It would probably be cutting it very close for me,” he said. Gustafson has been told not to rush into the working world. “So many people have told me ‘wow, you guys are young don’t worry, stop rushing, you’re fine. Take some tim,e you have so much of your life ahead of you. I hear our professor saying this to us, regret going into getting a job right away,” he said. Despite all the job application procrastination they still have a rough plan for life after school. “ I plan on starting as a P.A. (production assistant) and have access to that environment and just being involved in a production. From there, I hope to make good connections and see where it goes,” said Dworetzky.
Created by Nick Sienty
23 killed in mexico
the Knitted Uterus
BY jake murphy
BY alyce pellegrino
The bodies of 23 people were found in various places around Nuevo Laredo, a city in the state of Tamaulipas, Mexico late last Friday night. Nine of the victims were found hanging from an overpass near a main highway, while 14 decapitated heads were found inside coolers outside of city hall. The remains were found in a car wrapped in black bags as well as a note, which officials have not released to the public. The regional area has suffered a brutal turf war between Mexican cartels. The Zetas, a group of ex-soldiers, have been ruthlessly engaging in a war with the Sinaloa cartel. Officials have not stated whether the cartels are truly behind the murders but it seems likely due to the amount of violence attributed to gangs in the area. Nuevo Laredo was the site of a gang war in 2003 when The Gulf cartel, another dangerous gang, and the Sinaloa cartel, battled out in the city in public view. Nuevo Laredo is a dangerous city, which according to officials also has a large amount of political and law enforcement corruption, which makes the ordeal much more horrifying. Details of the murders have not yet been publicly released, but more will surface soon, as the Governor of Tamaulipas has begun to send federal forces to the state.
April fifth was an interesting day for thirty-two Republican lawmakers when knit uteruses were sent to them at the Arizona Legislature state capitol. Each “knit womb,” complete with googly eyes and bows, were varying shades of pink. Peggy Tinsley delivered the lawmakers their individually packaged gifts that azcentral. com reported were “part of a national knitting project that aims to take a stand against government regulation of women’s bodies, including restrictions to contraception health-care coverage.” Wrapped in plastic baggies and individually labeled with each a lawmaker’s name, these little surprises appeared in light of the “controversial contraception bill,” House Bill 2625. This bill “allows employers to opt out of covering contraception to their company’s health insurance plan if they are morally or ethically opposed to the use of birth control for whatever reason” stated KTAR.com. Though azcentral.com could not reach Peggy Tinsley for comment, a letter that was delivered with the uteruses spoke loud and clear: “Please treat women in your life as the intelligent persons they are. I have provided you with a uterus. Please leave ours alone.”
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info
~*HAGS*~ HAVE A GREAT SUMMER ~*LYLAS*~ BY Mike Reluzco What are you doing this summer? Working a job? Swimming in an old quarry? Visiting old friends from home? All that stuff is great, but sometimes it doesn’t quite work for everybody. The job market sucks, and I can’t find a job. I can’t swim, and even if I could, there aren’t any old quarries to swim in. My friends at home all moved away. So, I’ve had to devise a new plan for my summer, and I suggest you all join me in these endeavors because, let’s be real, friends and quarries are overrated. First, I’m going to Mexico. While I do not suggest sneaking in, I don’t have a passport, so I’ll be in the back of a coyote’s stinky truck, sweating and trying not to move underneath a stack of bags. But this is no vacation-- I’m bringing my fedora and whip because it’s time to explore some Mayan ruins. I don’t know about you, but I’m totally down to evade poison darts, jump over spiked pits, and run away from giant boulders until I reach the center of the temple, where I will steal the secret treasure of some god whose name sounds like it might be a Pokémon. When the temple begins to collapse around me, I don’t even know what I’m going to do, but I will rise triumphantly from the ruins, treasure in hand. Once I have it, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Probably use it as a sex toy or something. I bet you couldn’t tell me with a straight face that you don’t want an ancient and valuable artifact for a sex toy. So that’s one week down. Next it’s off to England. I still don’t have a passport, so I suppose I’ll be going on an inner tube with a paddle. That may take a few days, but once I get there it’s off to Cardiff. It shouldn’t take long before I hear
a TARDIS materializing, and from there I will take off into time and space, helping The Doctor to save countless worlds. We’ll go to the fields of Trenzalor and the singing towers of Derillium. I’ll go to a galaxy far, far away, a long time ago, and I’ll make every dork’s pants wet when The Doctor and I help the rebellion to vanquish the evil empire. Luke Skywalker will realize his feelings for me, and have a love tryst. We will explore the uses of lightsabers and The Force in bed. When it’s time to leave, The Doctor will begrudgingly agree to let me bring Luke back to Earth, by the end of the summer. Eventually, I will grow bored of his Jedi detachment, and we will have a civil breakup. He’ll start a Jedi academy on Earth, and I will spend the rest of the summer under his tutelage. My summer is going to be brilliant. Good luck trying to match it.
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BITCHES AND HOS BY MIKE RELUZCO In honor of Tom’s last issue as the layout editor of the Indy, I sat down with him and Róisín to talk the Indy, palm reading, and Spiderman.
Are you pleased with how The Independent has progressed during your reign together? R: Absolutely.
What are your positions again?
T: Yes.
Róisín: I’m the editor. That is my position. Tom: The Layout Editor/Pokemon Master
How do you think Tom’s leaving will affect the publication?
Is the editor-in-chief important?
R: Well...
R: Not really. I don’t do much of anything. I just
T: I mean how does he affect the publication now?
chill in here for 45+ hours a week for the hell of it.
Seriously?
So Tom, do you actually do anything?
Do you have any particularly good mem-
T: Um, I used to.
ories working together? T: That one time we didn’t build a TARDIS.
I’ve heard from a not-so-reliable source
R: And Ted.
that you are a tyrant. Do you have a re-
T: That one time when Tom was actually here
sponse to that?
when he was supposed to be? R: When was that, last semester? T: That time when Tom was never here so you had the office to yourself ?
R: Well rumor has it that Tom is the tyrant of
the Indy. That’s what i’ve heard from also not-soreliable sources. T: I guess I like to think sometimes I am a tyrant.
Who was Ted? How long have you guys been working
T: Ted was a pineapple. Ted was a good man. He
together?
won the game, he died on his birthday R: We bought him with the intention of throwing him at hard objects but.. T: We grew fond of him. R: It was when we gave him the nametag T: Yeah, you can’t name those things
R: A semester, more or less T: And a little bit over winter break, technically. R: We did some work. T: A little. R: We planned. And talked about “How I Met
Your Mother” and “Doctor Who.”
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bitches ain’t shit
Róisín, what’s it like having such knock-
Have you ever considered that as an af-
out knockers?
front to Spiderman?
R: The knockout part of it frightens me especially
R: I wouldn’t, no. You asked me how I felt about
when I’m walking down stairs. Also roller coasters.
spiders, not Spiderman.
Do you ever have problems with finding
Have you ever considered that Spider-
clothes to contain them?
man might be on your staff?
R: Yes, I’d say I’ve struggled with that since 7th
R: It’s quite possible.
grade. It made prom a miserable time in my life.
T: I didn’t think about it before, but that would be
awesome. You must have all the ladies and gentlemen clamoring to stick it in you.
Have you ever considered that Spider-
R: Yeah, about that, nope, not really.
man might be me? R: You sleep too much to be Spiderman.
Think I could get a motorboat?
T: I feel like I can’t judge. I have nothing to go on.
R: If you play your cards right.
How would you be Spiderman?
Tom, can I read your palm?
I’m totally Spiderman.
T: Yes, of course.
R: I’ll need photographic proof of that. Get me
pictures of Spiderman. Your ring finger indicates you have tiny testicles. Care to comment? T: It’s not so bad, because I can fit them in mostly
That’s a breach of my contract. R: Well, I have to see it to believe it.
anything. So, my final question: are either of you What are you fitting your balls in?
going to miss the dynamic in here?
T: I mean, various types of undergarments I
T: I will
guess. And things they can fit in.
R: There’s not much of a dynamic. Is there a dy-
The hair on the back of your hand says you are hiding something big. What is it? T: A giant penis. The small testicles have to
amount to something. How do you feel about spiders? R: They’re okay.
namic? I guess it’s I get super stressed out T: And I don’t show up ‘till Wednesday and pretend I’m the boss. R: Tom comes in, burps, and tells me to hurry up after I’m in here until 4 am on Mondays and Tuesdays trying to edit. T: We just high five a lot and say “I quit,” whenever we get pissed off. R: Yeah, that’s a good dynamic. I’ll miss it.
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