y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m editor-in-chief:
Ró i sí n McCarty layout editor:
To m D au er
writers: Dylan Green Róisín McCarty Laura Meltzer Noelle Moore Jake Mur phy Josh Myer s Alyce Pelleg rino Mike Reluzco Tommy Roach Bri Smead Ste phanie Spencer print manager: Tony Pontius (i )Tommy Roach cover photo by: Tyler Dawson artwork by: Madeleine Bergman Nicolas Sienty web design by: Danielle Lempp (i )Alexa Dillenbeck
The Purchase Independent is a non-profit news magazine, paid for by the Mandatory Student Activity fee. We welcome and encourage submissions from readers. The Independent is a forum for campus issues and events, to give students the voice they deserve. Letters, articles, event photography and event listings are welcomed. The deadline for submissions is every Friday before midnight, and accepted pieces will be published the following Thursday. Publication of submissions is not guaranteed, but subject to the discretion of the editors. No anonymous submissions will be considered, but we will accept use of pseudonyms on a case-by-case basis. Send all submissions and inquiries to your. indy@gmail.com. Send questions to Madame Query at formspring.me/madamequery. Back page quotes can be submitted to formspring. me/indybackpage or put in the Back Page Box that hangs on the office door. Our office is located on the first floor of Campus Center North, room 1011. Staff meetings are held in the office every Monday night at 9:30; anyone is welcome.
2
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Hello beautiful people of Purchase College! As the end of the semester looms ever closer, take a few minutes away from thinking about Culture Shock and those finals that you think you’re going to fail (you won’t! I have faith in you!) and think about applying for an internship with the Independent! If you check out the page across from this, you’ll see a list of wonderful and rewarding internships you can apply for. Send over a resumé, relevant samples, and your availability so we can schedule an interview! Ideally, we would like to hire our staff for next semester by the end of this one. Culture Shock is this weekend! Remember to stay safe in the midst of all your fun. Lock your doors, drink a lot of water, wear sunscreen, and keep an eye out for yourself. Enjoy the bands, recreational activites, and the (hopefully nice) weather. And if you think you have nothing else to look forward to once Culture Shock is over, you are in luck. The 7th Annual Naked Issue is going to come out next Thursday! Get psyched for body positivity, wonderful articles, and of course, pages and pages of naked people!
y o u r. i n d y @ g m a i l . c o m
looking for an internship next semester?
needs interns for these positions!
Writing Arts Reporting Copy Editing Photography Graphic Design Social Media Comics Illustrations Apply via email by May 11th. Include a resumĂŠ, relevant samples, and your availability. We will be holding interviews May 12th-May 16th. Email us with any questions at your.indy@gmail.com
3
INTERNET SEX SLAVES BY alyce pellegrino We’ve all been there. You’re on some random website when an advertisement pops up: ‘Sexy Singles in Your Area Who Want to Date You.’ More often than not, we ignore the ads. But with more and more dating sites popping up everywhere, people seem to be becoming comfortable with meeting people off the Internet who they may have some kind of connection, or at least a few things in common with. However, when it comes to the matters of online fetishes and “sadist sex slavery relationships” most people tend to keep that purely virtual. But for Karley Sciortino, meeting up with her virtual British subservient sex slave seemed like the proper next step in their relationship. Close to a year ago, Sciortino began corresponding with a man in England via a Gmail account and through video chat who claimed on a fetish forum to be a “cash pig.” This means that he get turned on by being financially dominated by others. With his head wrapped in a scarf, and name never revealed, Sciortino began an online correspondence which consisted of her humiliating and degrading him and him buying her books, which eventually led to his name “Book Bitch.” Sciortino sat down with Sam Biddle from gizmodo.com to give the world an idea of what their relationship consisted of and why she went over to meet him. “For a while Book Bitch even started paying my rent! And I all I had to do in return was virtually abuse him. It was a pretty good deal.” But if you really want to see what happened, Sciortino has the entire meeting recorded and on the internet for the world to see.
4
“Slutever,” Sciortino’s online blogger name, is also the name of her web series where this encounter was captured for anyone’s viewing pleasure. Created with an introduction as a type of “Sex and the City” knock off, Sciortino goes through her journey of meeting Book Bitch right up until she kicks him out of their hotel room in nothing but a pair of women’s panties. Through the entire encounter Book Bitch is masked and naked with a recorder duck taped to his chest. He brings her a present that she is less than satisfied with and in return she degrades him verbally and physically. “I can’t believe that you didn’t even have a boner the entire time,” she remarks as he does jumping jacks in the background. Though Sciortino claims that she thinks these kinds of relationship are best kept on the Internet, she was happy with the power she felt in her first dominatrix type role.
news
THE DEMON BARBER OF BRAZIL BY noelle moore When you hear “Sweeney Todd,” what probably comes to mind is Tim Burton’s boyfriend, Johnny Depp, off his rocker on a quest to murder Professor Snape and Peter Pettigrew all while Helena Bonham Carter bakes peoples’ entrails into pies for the unsuspecting people of London. Or maybe you think about the Stephen Sondheim musical, but whatever. What probably doesn’t come to mind is the image of a South American man, his wife, and his mistress, cannibalizing babysitters into pastries in the year 2012. For those unfamiliar with the fictional tale of Sweeney Todd, it is about a barber who slits the throats of his victims in his barbershop in London while his accomplice and neighbor, Mrs. Lovett, bakes their flesh into her meat pies and sells them to her oblivious customers. This fictional tale has now become a very grim reality. Earlier this April, police arrested a Brazilian man, Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, his wife, Isabel Pires, and, oddly enough, Jorge’s mistress, Bruna da Silva, for murdering at least two women. These women, believed to be Alexandra Falcao and Gisele da Silva, had gone missing from the area and were reportedly seen near the residence of Negromonte before their disappearances. The three were tracked down after a transaction had been processed with one of the victims’ credit cards. The stomach-churning aspects of the crimes came to light when officers discovered a book belonging to and penned by Negromonte titled “Revelations of a Schizophrenic” that contained several graphic drawings, detailed cannibalistic encounters with the corpses, and recounted Negromonte’s claims of hearing voices
and his obsession with the killing of women. In one chapter, he said of the corpses, “Looking at the now lifeless body of the evil adolescent, I feel relieved…I grabbed some sheet metal and begin to remove all the skin and then I divide her up... we dine on the flesh of evil as a purification ritual. We bury the remainder in the patio.” As if that wasn’t enough, Negromonte and his merry murderesses cooked the flesh of the victims into stuffed pastries, empañadas, which they then sold to their unsuspecting neighbors. Understandably, the neighbors were not happy with their empañada surprise when the gory details of the crime came to light and subsequently burnt down the trio’s home. The bodies of the victims were later found in the garden of said residence. Inspector Wesley Fernandes reported that the three belonged to a sect that preached and advocated the purification of the world and the reduction of its population. Upon arrest, the three confessed to the crimes and even revealed that they had already established a plan to murder another woman in a nearby city. Their system was to murder three women per year, low enough to be under the radar without drawing too much attention to the disappearances, or so they thought. Officials believe that there may be more victims and the investigation is ongoing.
5
dick clark’S DEATH BY laura meltzer “American Bandstand” host, Dick Clark died on Wednesday April 17th in Santa Monica, Calif. at the age of 82. Clark’s publicist, Paul Shefrin, said he had suffered a heart attack at St. John’s Hospital Wednesday morning while waiting for an outpatient procedure. Attempts to resuscitate were unsuccessful, he told CNN.com. Mr. Clark was most known for introducing America’s popular music of his day on ABC’s “American Bandstand.” “Before ‘American Idol,’ `X Factor’ and `The Voice,’ even before MTV, it was `American Bandstand,’ which brought the most popular music of the day straight to the nation’s living rooms,” Clive Davis told the Huffington Post. The show premiered August 5, 1957 in which he interviewed Elvis Presley. He introduced talent such as Stevie Wonder, Talking Heads and Smoky Robinson and the Miracles, Diana Ross and the Beach Boys. Still, his legacy will be introducing a nation to Rock n’ Roll and Motown. “I will always appreciate what he did for me and for popular music. He presented Motown and The Supremes on tour with the Caravan of Stars and on ‘American Bandstand’ where I got my start,” Ross told the Huffington Post. “American Bandstand” not only brought fans of the day’s music together, but a country that was struggling with racial tensions. “…He was proud to say that he had the ability to put black kids and white kids in the same room and they didn’t kill each other, and he saw that as a great accomplishment,” said MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell.
6
“For 40 years, we welcomed him into our homes to ring in the New Year,” President Barack Obama told BBC.com. Since 1972, Clark celebrated New Year’s with American families while hosting “New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.” Besides being a famous television personal, he was also a businessman. He created Dick Clark Productions. The company “also has a licensing arm and has owned or operated restaurants and theaters like the Dick Clark American Bandstand Theater in Branson, Mo,” according to NYTimes.com. In December of 2004, Clark was scheduled to host his New Year’s special, but suffered what he described as a “mild stroke”. He decided not to host that year letting Ryan Seacrest, of “American Idol” fame. A year later, Clark came back to host the show and asked Seacrest to help him. “I remember the first time walking in to see him and just wanting to be asked back for the second day of work after having a chance to do New Year’s Eve with him,” Seacrest told E! Online. He uses Clark as an inspiration to his work in broadcast. Secreast told E! Online that, “he was a teacher to me and I felt like a student. I was always in awe of him, just wanted to please him every time I got a chance to work with him.” Clark also hosted shows such as NBC’s “Bloopers” and CBS’ Pyramid. He made many special appearances playing himself on sitcoms. He was married 3 times, two of the marriages ending in divorce. His latest marriage was to Kari Clark.
entertainment news
cinema eye with masai: “THE CABIN IN THE WOODS” BY DYLAN GREEN Is there anything that is more infuriating than watching someone do something so blatantly stupid in a horror scenario that you wonder to yourself: “Why is that bimbo locking herself in a room with unprotected windows?” or “What the hell good does dropping that knife do for anyone?” Horror tropes and cliches have driven cinephiles such as myself wild for the last 20 years or so, and with “The Cabin In The Woods,” director Drew Goddard and co-writer Joss Whedon have finally addressed these ridiculous qualms with more wit and intelligence than Ghostface would know what to do with. “Cabin” essentially stands as an hour and forty minute long criticism of the direction that the genre has been following for all these years, and is nothing short of hysterical, insightful, and astonishingly brilliant. “The Cabin In The Woods” is a fantastic meta-maniacal piece of cinematic criticism that will forever change the way you look at horror films, treading well-worn ground with some very eccentric and witty boots in ways that you will not see coming. “Cabin” is also a film that is built around the very concept of twists, so describing the plot in my normal conservationist way would serve to ruin large chunks of the plot, which, trust me, is best to be kept a surprise. Just know that five college kids who fall into very familiar archetypes arrange to spend a weekend in a very “Evil Dead”-esque cabin in the, well, I simply can’t go beyond that. It’s for your own good. Only because I love you.
What I can say, besides mentioning the intriguing character arcs and the absolutely dynamite screenplay, is that “Cabin in the Woods” deals with genre grievances that have put us on edge for far too long. Why exactly does a character suggest that the group split up? What exactly causes the dropping of the defensive weapon? Or the sexual energy of a random altercation in the haunted woods? Once again, no spoilers here. Just know that “Cabin In The Woods” is an intricately crafted, and loving, complaint letter to the horror genre. While it may not offer many solutions to the problems it so beautifully sends up, it is most certainly witty, thrilling, and just plain fun enough to hold your attention, whether or not you know you Voorhees from your Kreuger. If you find yourself able to criticize every camper, party-goer, or college student who has ever run away from any sort of horror staple, you owe it to yourself to check out the smartest horror flick this side of Sam Rami. IT’S BETTER THAN SCREAM!
7
THE SECRET SERVICE SCANDAL BY stephanie spencer President Barack Obama’s visit to the Summit of the Americas in Cartagena, Columbia turned out to be a personal embarrassment for Secret Service agents when it was reported that more than 11 members, who were supposed to be preparing for the president’s arrival, instead indulged themselves in booze and prostitution, according to the Associated Press. Originally meant to be a meeting to polish America’s less-than-stellar relationship with Latin America, Obama’s trip to Cartagena, Columbia was soon overshadowed when in a shocking turn of events it was revealed that a Secret Service agent was in a quarrel with a prostitute who was demanding money. In her first public interview, the escort who chose to remain anonymous said that she was approached by the Secret Service agent, and at the time did not know that he worked for Obama. “They never told me they were with Obama,” she said. “They were very discreet.” After a period of drinking, it is said that the agent invited the 24-year-old back to his room and had asked her how much intercourse would cost. Instead of requesting money, the escort said that she asked for an 800-dollar gift, according to The Salt Lake Tribune. Later in the night, when she was given 30 dollars by the Secret Service agent who had promised her a much larger sum, she, along with another escort retaliated. What followed was a humiliating spectacle where Columbian officers became involved on behalf of the escorts.
8
According to the Secret Service Director, Mark Sullivan, up to 11 agents and five military personnel were bringing prostitutes to what was supposed to be a secured hotel for the president, however further investigation concluded that as many as 20 “jump team” members (agents sent to a location before the arrival of the president) and 10 military personnel may have been involved. Many speculated that these kinds of actions could result in the blackmailing of Secret Service agents and could potentially pose a security threat to the president in the future. In an interview with the “Today Show,” Rep. Peter King of N.Y. stressed the immediate dangers the agents put the president in. “We really lucked out on this,” said King. “You don’t allow a potential enemy into your security zone.” Dan Emmett, a retired Secret Service agent who protected four presidents including Bill Clinton, rejected the idea that Obama’s security was jeopardized, saying that the agents didn’t have information to give possible blackmailers. “The Secret Service is not an intelligence organization,” said Emmett. “It’s law enforcement.” In a press conference with Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos, Obama voiced deep concern over the allegations and made it clear that his administration would conduct an in-depth investigation following the incident. “I expect that the investigation to be thorough, and I expect it to be rigorous,” said Obama. “If it turns out that some of the allegations that
u.s. news have been made in the press are confirmed, then of course I’ll be angry… We are representing the people of the United States, and when we travel to another country, I expect us to observe the highest standards.” Regardless of speculation, three of the 11 Secret Service agents were swiftly brought back to the United States and replaced, while the remaining agents are on administrative leave, according to the Washington Post. Military members have been confined to their quarters upon further investigation, according to the Columbus Ledger Enquirer. In a statement released by the US Defense Department, the military personnel was suspected of violating curfew and “may have been involved in inappropriate conduct” along with the Secret Service agents. This isn’t the first time the Secret Service faced harsh criticism under the Obama administration. During Obama’s first state dinner in 2009, aspiring reality stars Michaele Salahi and husband Tareq Salahi, managed to enter the exclusive event without the knowledge of the Secret Service. The couple was even able to get a picture with the president. Other scandals surrounding the Secret Service involve a shooting in a McDonalds in Hawaii during 2011 and a drunk driving incident that same year, and in an interview with The Washington Post, former division officer Bill Holland said that it these outbursts may be a result of rising responsibilities over the years. “The more the president travels, the more the pressure builds,” said Holland. “They live under a lot of pressure every day. He is a traveling president. He is on the road all the time. Is it an excuse? No. No way.” Although historical events like 9/11 put
an extended amount of pressure on the Secret Service to work harder than ever before in protecting the nation’s president, many are using this as an opportunity to remind voters of the “corruption” associated with the Obama administration. Republican Congressman Darrell Issa, who demanded that the Congress act against the perversion of the Democratic agenda when the Republicans won the House in 2010, used the incident as a way to discredit the Obama administration. “What we see is that this story is larger than 11 individuals,” said Issa in an interview with CBS. “Instead, it’s part of a pattern of behavior… we have lost confidence and we need to get that confidence back by knowing that the system will be changed.”
9
V-An Art Exibition Featuring work by: Skylar Blum James DiMauro Colleen Logan Christina Muller and Jes Walsh
Thursday, April 26th VA Basement at 5pm
EARTH WEEK: Trashed Film Viewing and Discussion
Thursday, April 26th The Co-Op at 7pm
The Bacchae-Performance Thursday, April 26th Southside at 8pm
P R E S H O CK
Thursday, April 26th The Stood at 7pm
Rock ‘N’ Roll-Junior Acting Company
Friday, April 27th
PAC “Yellow” Theater at 8pm
WOMEN OUT LOUD: brought to you by the alternative clinic
Monday, April 30th The Stood at 6:30pm
School of Film and Media Studies/ Film Program End of Year Screenings
Monday, April 30th
Music Building 1002 at 8:30pm
Christian Cepeda’s: Senior Guitar Recital Wednesday, May 2nd Music Building Recital Hall at 2pm
Visiting Artist Lecture Series Alfredo Jaar
Wednesday, May 2nd
VA Building 1016 at 6:30pm
Purchase Symphony Orchestra
Friday, April 27th
PAC “Green” Theater at 8pm
Wednesday, May 2nd The Stood at 6:30pm
DIVERSITY COMMITTEE Conservatory of Dance Spring Concert 2012
Friday, April 27th
PAC “Blue” Theater at 8pm
10
events and satire
C LU BS Thursdays Open Swim: Gym 1021 at 12-2pm Fencing Club: Gym 0003 at 2:15-4pm AMG: Witsons at 6:30pm RPGA: Hub Basement at 8pm Green Team: Co-Op at 7pm Trans*Action: LGBTQU at 10pm
Mondays FORTH meeting: Southside at 8pm The Indy: CCN 1011 at 9:30pm Brick Meeting: Red Room at 10pm
Tuesdays DDR: The Stood at 7pm Anime: Commuters Lounge at 8pm Active Minds: Wellness Center at 8pm PUSH: Hub basement at 9pm Complexuality: Hub basement at 10pm GRIOT: Fort Awesome 0136 at 9pm
Wednesdays Hillel: Hub basement at noon Purchase Comics United: Commuter Lounge at 2 Senate: Southside at 12:30pm Chess Club: Commuters Lounge at 8pm Anime: Commuter lounge at 8pm PEMS: Southside at 8pm Nerf: Humanites at 10 pm WPSR: WPSR Office at 10pm PTV: Hub Basement at10pm LGBTQU: Red Room at 10pm
SIRUS VS GINGRICH BY mike Reluzco You can all hate me if you want, but I never liked “Happy Feet.” I did not watch “March of the Penguins.” I refuse to even acknowledge “Happy Feet 2.” Today, Monday April 16th 2012, I may very well have to overcome my aversion to penguins. In a covert mission, so covert that absolutely none of the Indy staff knew about it, our very own penguin-in-residence Sirus snuck into the St. Louis zoo to intercept and bite the finger of one Newt Gingrich. Reports are coming in that Gingrich required immediate medical attention—the Secret Service rushed to the scene with a small BandAid and a moist towelette. As high-profile news sources flocked to get shots of the tiny, little, ittybitty wound, Sirus was able to make his escape, leaving a patsy penguin to take the fall. Early this morning, as the Indy staff diligently worked to get your news to you, Sirus slammed the door open, panting and dehydrated. After a bottle of water and a few small fish, he sat up, grinnv ed and said, “I just flew in from St. Louis, and boy are my arms tired.” We started to laugh, but he gave us a dangerous look. “Sirus,” Róisìn backed away, “what’s that you’re clutching in your foot?” She was eyeing a bloodied tissue in his webbed foot, and Sirus grinned widely. “My prize,” he muttered, unfolding the tissue to reveal a shred of Gingrich’s skin. Since the incident, the staff has been too terrified to attempt to illicit any other comment from Sirus.
11
MITTENS LETS THE DOGS OUT BY Mike Reluzco It’s finally clear to all parties involved-the Republican ticket is going to everybody’s favorite mormon, Willard “Mittens” Romney. Many conservatives are weary to see how Mittens’ campaign will work out, and none are more weary than the most prominent proponents of conservative ideology: dogs. Insider canine information has indicated that, in 1983, during a 12-hour car ride to Canada, Mittens strapped his dog Seamus to the roof of his car. While Ann Romney claims that Seamus had the time of his life up there, other sources (Ann Romney in 1983) indicate that Seamus, in fact, shat himself in fear, drenching the car in canine fecal matter. Prominent doggie whistle-blowers are treating this as an offense to animal rights. Rightfully so, according to, Waddles, the particularly articulate corgi I met on the street the other day. “This is an affront to puppies everywhere,” Waddles said, “I am personally offended that Seamus didn’t speak up earlier. I myself have been strapped to a car rooftop, and let me tell you, there is a reason that Seamus shat himself.” Waddles was unavailable for comment after this, as a nearby man tugged his leash, and told him to heel. But Waddles isn’t the only canine that is discontented with the way this country is run-and they don’t see Mittens as the man to do anything about it. “I’m not rabid, and I’m not violent,” claims an anonymous wolf, “I just like to go for walks sometimes, but animal control is always on my ass. It’s
12
profiling, and nothing is being done about it.” Other protesters held signs bearing slogans such as, “Neuter no more!” and “Say no to the spay!” Clearly, the canine community has a lot to say, but due to the declining number of humans who speak canine, their voices are heard as nothing more than barks and howls. When asked about Mittens, the general consensus was negative. “Last time that man had a dog, he traumatized it, and now he doesn’t even have one,” Fluffy the poodle commented, “How do you think our concerns are going to be heard if the president doesn’t have a Secretary of Canine Affairs?” A great dane named Scruffy seemed significantly more optimistic for Romney. “I don’t think Bo [the president’s dog] is standing up for us very well. As far as Mittens goes, he has a dog’s name, and evolutionarily it would seem that he’s probably the closest candidate we’ve ever had to the genus canis. I doggedly throw my vote behind him.” When reminded that he could not vote, Scruffy stormed off, saying, “Maybe Mittens will be able to change that.” With no mention from any candidate of the growing dog-cat tensions, or the tennis ball shortage, it seems that there is no candidate that any puppy can put his tail behind. “It’s a sad situation,” Scruffy said, “but I suppose we’ll just chase frisbees as we always have until we can get some real change.”
Created by Nick Sienty
purchase plastic
THE OCCUPY MOVEMENT
BY jake murphy
BY TOMMY ROACH
Students housed in Crossroads were surprised and annoyed with the newly added construction precautions placed around their buildings early last week. Plastic wrap has covered windows, and signs with references to asbestos have been posted at entrances to the dorm. These signs are asbestos abatement notifications informing the occupiers that the building is undergoing a removal of asbestos. The plastic wrap and scaffolding around the building is starting to become a nuisance to some students. One student stated that they feel claustrophobic with not being able to see through their windows, as well as dealing with the plasticlike scent that has invaded their room. This student went on to say “It really sucks to not be able to see outside, and there is no fresh air which leaves my room hard to deal with.” They also said they were not able to sleep because of the scent and feeling of being contained. This construction may be beneficial toward the future but some say that better planning would have been more pleasant to the students. Hopefully any further construction on the students on-campus housing will be more organized and will also be less of an interference in the on-campus community’s daily life.
With the Democratic and Republican National Conventions drawing near, attention is being given to the Occupy Movement once again. However, it appears that new ordinances have been set in place that will make their protesting more difficult this time around. Due to unruly behavior during Occupy Charlotte’s encampment outside of the old City Hall, including the burning of an American flag in December, authorities have prohibited camping as part of their preparations for the coming convention. Alongside these ordinances, Occupy Charlotte is suffering from their own internal troubles. With numbers dwindling from between 600 and 700 at the start of the movement, to the now approximately 25 consistent protestors, Occupy is having a hard time gaining back the support they had before winter hit. Occupy does have a plan, though. According to The New York Times, Occupy Charlotte has remained in communication with Occupy Wall Street. Through them, they have gained support from as many as 60 other groups, who have signed up to be a part of the Coalition to Protest at the D.N.C. Occupy Charlotte has met with other Occupy groups across North Carolina to plan for the incoming support. The groups have set up housing, food, and other support needed for all protestors that will be coming from out of state to participate in the protest at the Democratic National Convention this Fall.
14
news
Moodle 2
PURCHASE’S SLEEP OUT
BY Noelle Moore
BY Bri Smead
The bane of every Purchase College student’s existence, Moodle, has recently gone through an upgrade under the oh-so-appropriate alias of Moodle 2. When asked about Moodle, many students typically respond with something along the lines of “I have no idea how to use it, I just go on to get downloads for courses and stuff,” so hopefully this new era will help clear up some of the less user-friendly aspects of the site. If you log in to Moodle like usual, there is a banner displaying the introduction of Moodle 2 on the homepage. Upon clicking the link and logging in once again, you will be transported to a somewhat sleeker but familiar model as our good old Moodle. A new, helpful addition to the mix is a guide on how to use Moodle 2. The guide borrows from the “What’s New in Moodle 2?” scheme developed by Florida International University. Moodle 2 provides several helpful dropdown links to services such as the Library and Student Resources. Like the old-school Moodle, courses can be accessed through a series of tabs on the left side of the page, including past courses as well as current ones. Admittedly, there are more than a couple tabs located on the same menu with an unclear function, such as “info_lit_sandbox.” At least with the upheaval of the old Moodle regime comes a new flood of tutorials, easily accessible in video form, on the main page.
While the rest of our campus was rocking out at the Stood to the Battle of the Bands, or tucked out of the rain in the library doing homework, I spent my Wednesday night in the quad at NYPIRG’s SleepOut/SpeakOut for Hunger and Homelessness Awareness. The experience was emotional and informative. Students gathered outside D-Hall to hear from two speakers before leaving behind the comforts of our dorm beds to sleep on nothing but cardboard boxes and blankets. The first speaker, Rob Robinson from Take Back the Land, detailed his personal experiences being formerly homeless and went on to explain the goal of the movement to which he dedicates his time. We learned that for every homeless person in New York there are eight empty homes. Each small success of giving a family a home adds to the growing action nationwide and even worldwide. Juli Castelbuono, spoke from her experiences with homelessness after graduating from SUNY New Paltz and provided further understanding. She explained the changes that result from being homeless, and how those changes are connected to the physical challenges of being without a home. Juli facilitated our discussion until after midnight when we started to curl up in our boxes and settle into sleep. I woke up at 3:45 am to find my pillow and blanket soaked and cold. I grabbed my belongings and fled the protection of my room. When I was uncomfortable, my first thought was “I want to go home.” My experience is very different from being homeless, but I did realize the extent to which my home is a comfort and safety for me. If I didn’t have a home, where would my discomfort find resolution?
15
BRITTANY MAYES: THE LEGEND BY Róisín McCarty Brittany Mayes is the president of the Purchase Student Government Association, a representative on the Board of Directors for the Purchase College Association, and the Gallery Coordinator at the Rye Arts Center. I got a chance to sit down with the wonderfully dynamic Brittany Mayes to ask her a few questions about Purchase, porn, and “How I Met Your Mother.”
How was the elections process for you?
How did you first become decide to become involved with the PSGA?
If you had to choose between being famous, or living with unlimited puppies, what would you do?
One of my friends was a senator, and when I came in freshman year, he was a junior, and thought that I would like working at the PSGA. You went from being a senator to being Chair of Senate, right?
Yes I did. I ran for a position, Coordinator of Histories and Documents, my freshman year but lost. I decided to run for an open position my sophomore year, because I wanted to help more students than what I had my freshman year. What made you decide to run for president? I had been Chair of Senate for two years,
and wanted to try something different. President was a great way to interact with the student body and also give their input to the administration. I thought it was the right step to take.
It was fairly simple. I ran unopposed, mostly because I had been here for four years, and I was the only one that knew the amount that I needed to. I also heard people were afraid of me. Was their fear warranted?
No, I really like puppies. And I’m nice to everyone. Especially if they have puppies.
Puppies every day of the week.
How would you like to see the PSGA improve in future years?
I’d hope that students would have a larger input than they already do, and that we wouldn’t have to rely on staff and faculty as much as we do, and that people would show more responsibility for their positions. Do you plan to pursue politics outside of Purchase?
A lot of people tell me I should, but I don’t think I would go through everything. I would just want to jump straight to president, and that’s really not how it works. Would you say your experiences at the PSGA were positive or negative?
I’ve had a few negative moments, but mostly positive. You take the bad stuff in stride, and try and turn it into something good.
16
q & a
Do you think you will apply anything you’ve learned at the PSGA to the rest of your life?
What are your opinions on Barney and Robin? If they don’t end up together, I will kill
Yes, I’ve learned to be a lot more patient, and I’ve learned to deal with a lot of different personalities.
somebody.
Do you have any good dirt on your fellow e-board members?
I was really excited at the beginning of the year, but now I’m really nervous. But I’m always nervous.
Ben Schachter wears Crocs on his weiner. Have you ever witnessed this?
Unfortunately, no, but I’ve heard the main Croc files. Speaking of Croc Files, what was your favorite Discovery Kids TV show?
Oh no! Oh my God. “Strange Days at Blake Holsey High.” I loved that show. How do you feel about spiders?
They’re okay.
I’ll be right there next to you. Are you more nervous or excited to graduate?
What are your opinions on next years eboard? Do you think they’ll continue on the path you put the PSGA on, or are you nervous they’ll go in a different direction?
I think that next year’s e-board has a lot of potential to be really great, they just need to remember that they’re representing the student body and what the students want. I think Christina will do a great job leading her executives to make great decisions, and she’ll definitely keep the PSGA on a good path.
That was a boring answer.
That was a boring question!
If you were a celebrity interviewer, who would you want to interview, and what would you ask them? Jason Segel. I would want to ask him if
he would ever want to bang me, or if he would bang me. Because I would do it. In two seconds. Flat. What is your favorite movie or TV show that Jason Segel has been involved in? If I had to go movie, it would be “For-
Throughout this interview, Hannah Montana has been playing in the background. So here’s my final question: Hannah or Miley? TV show or movie? And what is your favorite song?
I would have to choose Miley Cyrus. I will also say without guilt that I have seen “The Hannah Montana Movie” and “The Last Song,” and “The Last Song” was good, but just not as funny as “The Hannah Montana Movie.” I have, on more than one occasion, forced people to watch those movies with me. The song “Start All Over” is my favorite.
getting Sarah Marshall.” TV Show? “How I Met Your Mother,” hands down.
17
S E ÑO R P R E G U N TA S HAS YOUR REMEDY
(Editor’s Note: As Madame Query is graduating at the end of the semester, her boss, Senor Preguntas, will be answering questions this week. Senor Preguntas has a new prodigy in mind, who will be introduced by the end of the semester, and will be taking over Madame Query’s position for as long as possible.)
What do you think of Crocs?
Mi abuela Consuela used to have a saying about footwear, “Por lo menos enterra los cadáveres seis pies debajo.” When Señor goes to Famous Footwear to purchase shoes, he does not purchase Crocs. Señor thinks that if you cannot drink wine from a shoe, it not worth wearing. As such, Señor is not much of a fan of Crocs, but he does not discourage anybody from wearing them. Back in Cuba, it is illegal to wear non-standard footwear. In my opinion, any chance to express yourself on your feet is a great privilege indeed. Make sure you are choosing the correct Crocs, however, if you try to wear crocodiles on your feet, you will surely have to see a pediatrist.
18
He’s too big. It’s like seeing a can of Arizona tea hurdle towards my vagina. What do I do?
Señor has encountered this problem himself, in fact. There are several Cuban homeopathic cures that the Señor is familiar with. If you can, get him to soak his testicles in ice water prior to the act. This should allow you to slip a condom on his piece, insert his poor penis, and wait for it to enlarge again. Another possibility is to wait until he is semi-erect, and tie off his member with a rubber band, or string. Do your business, but make sure to untie him when you’re done, if you don’t want to blow up his Johnson. Poison Ivy also has a way of restricting blood flow, so rub it all over his dick. Just make sure to wait for the pus-filled blisters to pop before you have sex again. If none of these seem to strike your fancy, Señor also has experience with home-surgery on his genitals. Just make sure your kitchen knife is clean. It’s like mi Abuela Consuela used to say, “Nunca alimenta los peces despues de medianoche.”
advice
I think my girlfriend might be gay, what
I met a lovely woman, and I want to
should I do?
make a good impression, but I’ve been having really frequent and pungent farts.
This is a common problem back in Señor’s home country, but is never discussed. As part of Cuban traditions, a woman may take on a wife in addition to their husband, but is still expected to make love to the man on a regular basis. This country has a tradition of monogamy, so my advice is to keep having sex with her until she speaks up. Don’t run on assumptions. It’s like mi abuela Consuela used to say, “Cuando la vida te da Señor, las comen.” If you want to try and get the cat out of the bag, let her catch you masturbating to lesbian pornography. If she joins you, confront her about the problem. That’s how I lost my first five wives.
Do you have any advice?
Señor had this very problem once upon a time, so he went to consult his lovely abuela Consuela. She looked me in the eye, reached into her pocket, and handed Señor a butt-plug. “Enchufe su ano.” Señor looked his abuela Consuela straight in the eye, and forced the plug up his anus. This is the Señor’s advice to you-- when you are with your lovely lady, find a way to block up your bottom. Once you get home, stick your bottom out your window, unplug yourself and let it all go. It may stink up your living quarters for some time, but a man must get his priorities straight.
19
CULTURE SHOCK pocket guide to
2012 the
c u t m e o u t a n d f o l d m e a n d c a r ry m e w i t h yo u i n yo u r p o c k e t !
FRIDAY, APRIL 27
20
Have a lot of fun, and stay safe. Love, We’re friendly. We promise. Say hi to every Indy staff member you see. best. Listen to your body. If your body tells you to stop-- stop. Your body knows Hydrate. No matter what you’re doing recreationally, or even if you’re choosing to stay sober, drink water. A lot of water. Charge your phone. You’ll need to keep in contact with friends, and it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Make sure your phone’s battery is close to full before you head out. Lock your doors. The only thing worse than waking up hungover is waking up hungover to find half of your belongings gone.
CULTU RE SHOC K SAFE TY T I P S
SATURDAY, APRIL 28
8pm: HOA X
7pm: C LOU D N O T H I N G S
8pm: B A A U E R
10pm: I SLA N D S
7pm: D I P ERS
6pm: B I O R I T M O
7pm: SHA K ES
9pm: T Y C HO
6:15pm: W E I R D K OREA
5pm: C O Y O T E C A M P US
BRIGADE
8pm: C ASE Y V E G G I ES
YOUR HAND
Davis, Jr.
6:15pm: TEST TUBE CASANOVA
7pm: P I SSE D J EA N S
5:30pm: CLOUD BECOMES
Joanna Valente and G. Taylor
5:30pm: S I RS
performance troup
4:45pm: NARRATIVE DEATH
4pm: Poetry reading with
4:45pm: K R Y T I C AL H I T
6pm: SUNY PURCHASE’s dance and
4pm: B R Y A N T D O P E
SHOWCASE
4pm: ANDY POP / SPENCER BEATBOX
5pm: T HE P A P ER P LA N E T S
3:15pm: M AL B LU M
3:30pm: SOUTHBAY CABARET
3:15pm: L O V E P O R K
4pm: TEAM SUBMARINE COMEDY SHOW
2:30pm: C Y B ER B ULLY
3pm: Tristen Napoli Jazz Sextet
2:30pm: M EL I SSA FRA B O T T A
3:30pm: C h o r a l P l e a s u r e
WPSR SIDE STAGE
MAIN STAGE
WPSR SIDE STAGE
MAIN STAGE
8pm: T HE FEL I C E B RO T HERS 9pm: E M A 10pm: I D LE W ARSH I P
11:30pm: A F T E R P A R T Y I N T H E S T O O D F E A T U R I N G : B ig F r e e di a a nd t h e D iv a s 6pm: B E E R T E N T O P E N S ! - B r i n g y o u r I D M u s t b e 2 1