LIFE’S UNDERTAKINGS

BRAD JONES

Owner, Ridley Funeral Home

My father was not a small man.

At the peak of his prime, long before poor health and old age rolled up on him, Dad’s physique was what you’d call fashionably rotund or happily round. His impressive height and weight radiated abundance and prosperity, and showed his deep, life-long commitment to savouring joy while navigating life’s tragedies.

Back in the day, before fat-free diets and gruelling “fun” exercise routines, being (male) big signified you were blessed with a rich and enjoyable life. Whether the fruits of your labours appeared at the dining room table or inside the boardroom – I refuse to say bedroom! – having a belly meant you were successful at taking bites out of life and you were celebrated for sharing your pie slice with others.

Imagine that famous painting of chubby-happy King Henry VIII. Sure, the man is huge but in his gaze and stance, you can tell Henry knows he’s king. Within that 16 th -century frame we see that life’s troubles (e.g., Henry’s six wives) have not diminished the monarch’s expectation that, like his big body, life will continue to expand, grow and improve.

I miss those days. Daily choices would be a lot easier, and more delicious, if my ever- expanding waistline were a reflection of my appreciation for life rather than my love of late- night eating and a Although I absolutely believe life is beautiful and every morning a miracle to make life great again, mid-life has shown me that a life of joy and passion is not built on lifeless, joyless actions dedicated to staying alive. A solidary focus on eating organic, watching our cholesterol, counting steps and huffing around in a vain attempt to weigh what we weighed in high school – I really must give up the dream! – sucks the joy out of life.

There’s no way to know whether my dad knew of Professor Randy Pausch and his “Last Lecture” work but both men held the same view: You don’t beat the reaper by living longer, you beat the reaper by living well.

How better to live well than to sit down with family and friends, and break bread (carbs!) together. “Eat, drink and be merry” is not a lifestyle mindset exclusive to the holidays. Every day we have the opportunity, whether eating alone or with others, to give thanks for the food on our plates, forks, tongues and ties. (I’m a funeral director. I wear a tie.)

There’s a reason why food is showcased so spectacularly when we are extremely happy or extremely sad. Whether you’re at a wedding or a funeral, food thaws the ice as we mingle among family, friends and strangers just as funeral sandwiches and tuna casseroles warm a broken heart.

Irrespective of what kind of day or night you’re having, food helps. Just ask Oprah. But true, longlasting nourishment comes from the meals made, served and shared with love.

When I look back on my childhood I remember my mother always wanting to sit me down so she could feed me. (Don’t get too nostalgic. There are plenty of families still committed to the tradition!)

My father’s contribution to the family joy effort was welcoming me into the grown-up world of wine. He’d slow me down enough to see, sip and savour.

And as a father to six children, I’ve had the privilege of watching my wife feed each of our babies for the very first time; the love and connection between a mother and child are undeniable. I know my parents, and yours too, would agree.

Ironically this life-long, sort of obsessive thinking about food and family made my first few years as a funeral director challenging.

You see, families rarely, if ever, accept a cup of coffee from an undertaker. Or at least not at first. Accepting food and drink from someone,

GRAHAM JONES had a tremendous capacity for joy which he taught his son, funeral director Brad Jones, is best celebrated with good food, wine, friends and family.

especially a stranger, is a signal that trust and camaraderie are in the room. The last thing on a person’s mind when they walk into a funeral home is whether they want their coffee black or served with cream and sugar.

I understand now.

Saying no to my funeral home coffee is saying no to what has happened, the loss that’s fracturing mind, body and spirit.

There is nothing sweet about dying and death. Yet not everything about death is black and bitter. Like good food, good family and good friends, death reminds us that there’s goodness in being alive; that there’s still hope for us because we’re still here, blessed with the opportunity to eat, drink and be merry.

In my profession I don’t talk all day about death – every day I listen to what it means to live, to love, to laugh and to let go. And I’ll warn you now: letting go might be the hardest thing you’ll ever do in your life.

My wish for you as an undertaker? (No mean jokes, please.) My wish for you, and for every person I love, is possessing the strength of character and the spiritual maturity to meet death as you’ve met and embraced life. – then, my friend, take it from me: the time to start living is now.

For the love of food and family, eat that favourite cheese. Sleep in on a weekday. Avoid that workout. Splurge on that beverage you covet. But above all, be merry and grateful as you treat yourself. Join this party called Life and celebrate.

And who better to celebrate with than family and friends over food and drink?

The next time you’re all gathered together, imagine (privately) that it’s your funeral – and smile as if you’re a big-bellied king or queen.

You’re still alive and breaking bread with the people you love and cherish the most.

Brad Jones is president of locally-owned, commission-free Ridley Funeral Home (3080 Lakeshore Boulevard) in Etobicoke. He’s often seen enjoying fall sunshine, raking leaves and thinking about working out. Every family, every individual is welcome to gather, grieve and mourn at our funeral home. You’re welcome to reach out to Brad by calling 416-259-3705 or emailing him at Bradjones@ridleyfuneralhome.com

JONATHAN NHAN

Curate and Upgrade www.curateandupgrade.ca

Does the phrase “objective reality” have a meaning we can comprehend? To be objective, you must not be influenced by personal feelings or opinions. To observe reality requires an individual. At one level, your experience is processed and observed by you. By nature, you will have feelings and opinions about what you experience. On another level, there is a reality that exists that is available for observation, but can you ever actually view what is actually there? If you have ever wondered how so many differing understandings and interpretations of what is “real” can exist, consider views that differ from your own as the story of another person’s reality.

If we assume that we all share one world, and there is a common reality to observe, how can we end up telling vastly differing stories about one “object”? This comes down to the perspective we have on what we are observing. For a moment, let’s set the idea of what is “true” aside, and consider our own perspective as a story. This is a tale that we tell, both to ourselves and to those around us, about our perception of the world as we observe it.

This story we tell describes what we experience through our senses - what we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel - as well as emotions surrounding this experience. The raw data that we observe is processed and refined into an internal experience. We then take this internal experience, and process it through the filter of language to develop a story that best represents this experience to ourselves. This can be one source of miscommunication - the language we use to tell the story holds a specific meaning, but when shared with another person, those words we use may have another meaning to the listener. When the listener assigns meaning to your words, it is easy to miss the meanings of the words that you’ve used. The process transmutes your original meaning into a possibly inaccurate understanding. understanding. Part of the energy expenditure comes from moving away from the innate reaction of disagreement and polarizing yourself against the opposing viewpoint. Our initial reaction to an opposing viewpoint is often to move firmly into the position that we hold and stand firm to defend our perspective. This reaction happens unconsciously and it can take significant effort to recognize it and allow yourself to become aware of other perceptions of our shared reality. How much easier would it be if you considered the viewpoints of others as a story for you to explore?

We always live in a reality where there are two sides to every coin. This has been even more apparent in recent times, but regardless, this duality always existed. Consider the fact that even the most high profile philosophers haven’t come up with a definitive definition for reality. Thinking that you have THE story of our shared reality could be an easy way of limiting your own experience and the ability to experience a larger slice of this existence.

Learn more at thecuratorium.ca/learnmore

Jonathan Nhan Co-Founder, Curate and Upgrade

Jon is a pharmacist, hypnotist, and Certified Diabetes Educator. He is passionate about making a tangible, positive impact in the world and has seen the power that changing mindset can have. Jon works with people like you, to find the perfect blueprint for healthy in your life and make that change effortless.

For ideas and perspectives that seem far from our own, it can take significant energy to come to an

In Support of Youth Mental Health Awareness