RFD 141 Spring 2010

No 141 Spring 2010

Coming in the Summer 2010 Issue …

We’veall come to expect another gathering season ahead with gatherings from Asia to Zuni Mountain. Yet as we look to a new season of gatherings and coming together, RFD would like to take some of your time to harken back to earlier days.

The summer issue will be a mix of upcoming gathering news, reports from various gathering communities and sanctuaries (So please send in news about your community!). At the least send us word of your upcoming events.

We are also looking for submissions regarding the southern roots of our faerie gathering culture by asking you to send in stories, photos and artwork relating to community building and early gatherings in the South.

We’re especially interested in hearing from folks with recollections on LASIS (Louisiana Sissies in Struggle), Running Water (an early home

for RFD!) and Running Water’s offspring, the long running Gay Spirit Visions.

But also feel free to submit work which reflects the gathering culture and community as a whole.

Please send in your articles, photos and artwork to submissions@rfdmag.org with “Summer 2009” in the subject line.

Unless it is not possible for you to send items for submissions any other way we prefer you send them electronically. Articles should be text only, single spaced and no paragraph indents.

Photos and artwork should be scanned in a TIFF file (preferred but very high quality JPEG okay) in a file which is at least 1 megabyte in size with a minimum of 300 dpi. If in doubt, scan images at highest quality.

“Gatherings, Gatherings Everywhere”

Vol 36 No 3 #141 Spring 2010

Revolutionary Fae Discourse

Behind the Lines

The Heart Circle Issue

On October 30, 2009, The NY Times posted an image of Hillary Clinton meeting with Pakistani tribal leaders, and they were all sitting in a circle! (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/31/world/asia/31clinton.html?_r=1)

“WOW, look at that,” I thought - our Secretary of State using a method of human communing known to these tribal leaders - and to us, dear readers. While I understood that Hillary was playing to the sentiments of her hosts, I wondered what she might have learned from this form of interaction. Did they pass a talisman? When was the last time you sat in a circle and passed a talisman?

Last year, as we celebrated the 30th anniversary of the first Faerie gathering, I thought it was a good moment to look at the communal activity called the Heart Circle. This issue is the response we received from faeries around the world. The articles herein include a series of personal experiences, problems perceived about circle practice and ways in which some have used heart circles within and outside the faerie community. My thanks to the many who have generously contributed so much to this issue.

When you think about it, the Heart Circle is probably the only institution persisting in a community that is built on anarchy. And of course - to our thinking - it is perfectly rational that a circle is the organizing principle where everyone’s autonomy is sacrosanct, for only in a circle can all be equal. No leaders, every voice is to be heard. All the circle asks is that you speak from your heart, pass the talisman, sit and listen. So simple.

And yet - why has it become so hard to sit in circle? There is a perception that those sitting in circles at gatherings are but a fraction of all present. Outside of gatherings, how many heart circles are available in your neck of the woods, town or urban setting? And if they were - would you be there? Excuse me for preaching to the choir - for the readership of this zine might really overlap the fey demographic of those who DO attend heart circles! Yet, speaking from my heart, I am concerned that heart circles are no longer in vogue, have burned out too many over the years, and/or are not cool enough for the younger set, newbies who are not initiated into the ways of faerie culture.

We have all sat through endless circles in which many either do not speak from their heart, deliver inane thoughts about the state of the world, or rant and rave as they hold everyone emotional hostages to their egos’ needs. Humanity is a messy business. As faeries, we work

in a paradigm that celebrates each other’s individuality, which includes the light and shadow sides of the personality. Our communal strength (like the definition of the word faggot) comes from the binding together we achieve through loving one another as we hold hands on the intersecting paths of our lives. Celebrating diversity means we create space for emotional healing and support. And if you are following my line of thinking, heart circles are the place where we provide this crucial support for one another.

Our fey elders, from the beginning of this movement, wisely incorporated heart circles as the mode of communion within our gatherings, wherever they occur. A Heart Circle is subject/Subject thinking put into practice. Every voice is heard, a radical departure from hetero-normative society built on hierarchies of power. Every person honored, everyone’s beliefs acknowledged = true democracy. What a breath of fresh air, what a challenge to the status quo! Harry Hay taught me that if a question needs to be answered, “Honey, ask the circle!” In circle, no one person has to know all the answers, no one person needs to be better (or worse) than the one sitting on his/her left or right. Together we create space for ALL!

What do Heart Circles demand of us? Presence and patience, so different in this culture of sound bites and Twitter! Most of the time in circle is spent listening, as we only get the talisman once in a go-around. Being present to one another in circle communicates something very powerful–I care enough about you to witness you pour out your heart. This is how we create a container for healing one another; this is how we, as faeries, create community. And it is done simply through sitting, and listening. Some of the most profound wisdom I’ve ever heard has occurred while listening to the eloquence of deeply felt pain courageously shared in circle. Simple is strong!

Sitting in circle teaches us the learned skill of really hearing each other, something rare in our current political culture. Whenever I am in faerie space, I often feel like I am living in the future. If only others could have this experience; this ability to sit down with another and simply listen. What might this world look like if more diplomacy was conducted through sitting in circle, every nation having equal status - and listening to one another = really listening!

When is the next time you will sit in Heart Circle?

–Rosie Delicious for the RFD collective

CONTENTS

On the Covers

Front: Drawing by Rosie Delicious

Back: Painting by Michael Goettee

Inside front cover: Photo Keith Gemerek

Inside back cover: Photo Matt Bucy

Production

Bambi Gauthier, Editor in Chief

Rosie Delicious, Guest Editor

Bo Young, Guest Editor

Myrlin, Prison Pages Editor

Middle, Health Editor

Jason Schneider, Editor Eric Linton, Editor

Matt Bucy, Design & Typography

Michel DuBois, Treasurer

Image Credits

Chilly 33

Covelo 35

Keith Gemerek 8, 19

Kwai Lam 27

Matt Bucy 9, 13, 14, 18, 23, 32, 34, 37

Michael Goettee 12, 22, 24, 25

Rosie Delicious 38

Seth Grad 42

Artist Links

RFD appreciates the following artists whose work appears in this issue:

Cobra www.artbycobra.com

Chilly ckring27@yahoo.com

Keith Gemerek kgny@aol.com

Kwai www.kwailam.com

RFD is a reader written journal for gay people which focuses on country living and encourages alternative lifestyles. We foster community building and networking, explore the diverse expressions of our sexuality, care for the environment, radical faerie consciousness, nature-centered spirituality, and share experiences of our lives. RFD is produced by volunteers. We welcome your participation. The business and general production are coordinated by a collective. The collective has a listserv for those who wish to get involved at http://groups.google.com/group/rfd-production/ Features and entire issues are prepared by different groups in various places. We print in New England. RFD (ISSN# 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $25 a year by RFD Press, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, P.O. Box 302, Hadley MA 01035-0302 Non-profit tax exempt #62-1723644, a function of RFD Press with office of registration at 231 Ten Penny Rd., Woodbury, TN 37190. RFD Cover Price: $7.75. A regular subscription is the least expensive way to receive it four times a year. Copyright © 2010 RFD Press. The records required by Title 18 U.S.D. Section 2257 and associated with respect to this magazine (and all graphic material associated therewith on which this label appears) are kept by the custodian of records at the following location: RFD Press, 231 Ten Penny Road, Woodbury TN 37190.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Sex Magick 2010 Twice the Bliss

The Circle of Loving Companions calls out to our dear Faerie, Billy and Pagan friends as we prepare for two Sex Magick Workshops this year. Created by Harry Hay as a culmination of his lifelong desire for sacred intimacy among gay men, Sex Magick is a week-long process that brings together 15 heart-centred men and three experienced facilitators for an exploration of love, sex and intimacy.

From Saturday, May 29 to Saturday, June 5, 2010, we return to the land where Sex Magick began — Wolf Creek Faerie Sanctuary. Pitch a tent for a luscious week amongst the breathtaking and sacred landscape. A second workshop is tentatively scheduled to take place at Sassafras Community, Tennessee in mid September. Check our website for updates as these plans manifest.

We ask that participants come with experience at Heart Circle, a tradition of the Radical Faeries; those from other gay men’s spiritual traditions are encouraged to speak with the facilitators about their familiarity and comfort with these practices. Prior to attending, all participants will take part in a gate-keeping conversation with one of the facilitators.

We ask that you plan to attend for the entire week. The registration cost of $550 includes meals, snacks and a donation to the Sanctuary, and no one will be turned away for lack of funds (NOTAFLOF).

For more information, please visit our website at: www.faeriesexmagick.org

With love and blessings, Chas, Marcus and Rosie

The Sex Magick Collective sexmagickcollective@gmail.com

This guide was written on the fly by visiting the various community websites but with especial thanks to www. radfae.org.

These communities may have other gatherings and events not listed here. So please visit their individual websites or contact them directly.

If you would like your community event listed here please send it in at least two to three months before the event.

April

Eco-Homo, a permaculture gathering at Wolf Creek Sanctuary in OR, April 3-11, 2010

Spring in the Air Gathering at Whaley Hall, Apr 9 - 10 (contact Edward Carpenter Community)

Beltane at Folleterre in France, Apr 27 - May 3, 2010

May

Beltane at Short Mountain Sanctuary (date TBA)

Beltane at Wolf Creek (dates TBA)

Beltane at Folleterre in France, Apr 27 - May 3, 2010

Rheingolds Gatherette in Germany, May 13-16, 2010 (Contact Folleterre)

Victoria Day Gathering at Amber Fox, May 21 - 21

June

Idapalooza Fruit Jam at IDA, Jun 2 - 7, 2010

Edward Carpenter Community’s 25th Anniversary Gay Men’s Week at Laurieston Hall, Jun 19 - 26

July

Canada Day Gathering at Amber Fox, Jul 1 - 5

Faerie Spirit Gathering at Kawashaway, Jul 1 - 6, 2010

Midwest Men’s Festival July 20 - 29

www.midwestmensfestival. com

Summer Gathering at Folleterre in France, Jul 22 - Aug 2, 2010

23rd Annual High Summer Gathering at Amber Fox, July 28 - Aug 1

August

Lammas Gathering at Kawashaway, Aug 6 - 15, 2010

Laurieston Gay Men’s Week at Laurieston Hall, Aug 9 - 16 (contact Edward Carpenter Community)

Queer Shaman Gathering at Zuni Mountain, Aug 13 - 22

Grasmere Gay Men’s Week at Grasmere Youth Hostel, Aug 21 - 28 (contact Edward Carpenter Community)

Berlin Wannsee Gathering in Germany, Aug 21-29, 2010 (Contact Folleterre)

Summer Gathering at Breitenbush, Aug 18 - 22, 2010

Blue Heron Farm Gathering, Aug 30 - Sept 6 (set up Aug 28 - 29). thompsbs@tds.net

September

Autumn Equinox at Folleterre in France, Sep 17-22, 2010

21st Annual Gay Spirit Visions Fall Conference Sept 30 - Oct 3, Highlands, NC www. gayspiritvisions.org

October

Los Angeles Faerie Gathering, Oct 7-11, 2010

Thanksgiving Gatherette at Amber Fox, Oct 8 - 11

LumberJanes Gathering at Folleterre in France,Oct 1525, 2010

Autumn Gathering at Whaley Hall, Oct 22 - 24 (contact Edward Carpenter Community)

Faerie Sanctuaries and Faerie Friendly Organizations

Amber Fox

McDonald’s Corners, Ontario, Canada akaamberfox.blogspot.com

Breitenbush (Cascadia Radical Faerie Resource)

www.radfae.org/breitenbush

Edward Carpenter Community

BM ECC

London WC1N 3XX

United Kingdom

contactecc@dwardcarpentercommunity.org.uk

www.dwardcarpentercommunity.org

Faerie Camp Destiny

P.O. Box 517

Chester, VT 04143-0517

info@faeriecampdestiny.org

www.faeriecampdestiny.org

Faeryland

P O Box 495

Nimbin, N.S.W. 2480 02 6689 7070

ozfaeries@yahoo.com

www.ozfaeries.com

Folleterre

Ternuay-Melay-et-SaintHilaire

France

info@folleterre.org

www.folleterre.org

Gay Spirit Visions

P.O. Box 339 Decatur, GA 30031-0339

info@gayspiritvisions.org

www.gayspiritvisions.org

IDA 904 Vickers Hollow Rd Dowelltown, TN 37059 615-597-4409

idapalooza@gmail.com

www.planetida.com

Kawashaway Sanctuary P.O. Box 581194 Minneapolis, MN 55458 www.kawashaway.org

Midwest Men’s Festival http://www.midwestmensfestival.com/

Nomenus (Wolf Creek Sancturary)

Wolf Creek Sanctuary P.O. Box 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 541-866-2678

nomenus@hughes.net www.nomenus.org

Santa Cruz Radical Faeries www.santacruzradicalfaeries.com

Short Mountain Sanctuary 247 Sanctuary Lane Liberty, TN 37095 615-563-4397 Messages only Starland

Yucca Valley CA

www.starlandcommunity.org

Zuni Mountain Sanctuary

P.O. Box 636

Ramah, NM 87321 505-783-4002

zunimtn@wildblue.net

www.zms.org

Corrections? Send them to submissions@rfdmag.org with “corrections” in the subject. Announcements can be sent to the same address. Please be sure to list “announcement” in the subject line!

During Labor Day Weekend 1979, a group of about 200 gay men from around the United States and Canada met at a desert sanctuary 40 miles outside Tucson, Ariz.

The event, called “A Spiritual Gathering for Radical Faeries,” was the brainchild of Harry Hay, one of the founders of the Mattachine Society, one of the first organizations of the modern gay rights movement in the U.S. It was his belief that we, as gay men, as faeries, could rediscover our collective past and use that knowledge of magic and love to shape our futures. Ten years after Stonewall, the time had come to foment a strategy for change derived from our own experiences and feelings rather than the predominant straight culture.

The following was my way of relating the events of that weekend as mythology. Over those three days I began to see that as faeries, we had always existed. I used the power of connecting the events of those days to our collective unconscious and to the magic of the archetype.

“Time has come!” declared Harry, the Elder.

“He-man has gone too far! Though our spirits are ever-young, his evils wear away these fragile bodies. Before we are called to leave them, let us gather as once we did in days past. I long to hear the music of laughter from our kinfolk.”

“Oh yes, my love, yes!” exclaimed Brotherjohn. “I, too, would see our faerie brothers and sprinkle them with sweet kisses and hugs.”

Don Bushbeard joined in. “I shall help send the call. Let us form a circle and sing out with our hearts and voices.” He stretched out his arms, closed his eyes, and beamed quietly.

And so it was. From coast to coast, from north to south, silent voices sang out. And everywhere faeries bells tinkled softly.

In the cities, wearing their Manmasks and gaysexobject garb, faeries heard the call. Whether alone on in isolated groups, country faerie ears perked up. The outrageous ones, the Quiets, those faeries who were almost totally invisible,

The Faeries Gather

A True Tale as Told by David Cawley

even to themselves; even they heard the call and set out to join the Great Circle, The Convocation of Faeries.

Meanwhile, in an oasis, far away, in the desert, SwamiBill, heard the call.

“Friends!” he shouted to his little family, “We must prepare! Our Sisterbrothers come!”In his big heart there were excited little flutters, but he added gruffly, “Sillysissies all over our chaste little Ashramsweethome! I can hear their cackling now.” He mock grimaces and put his hands over his ears, but no one missed the twinkle in his eyes.

Animals heard the tinkling bells, too. Birds twittered, donkeys brayed, butterflies flitted nervously. “Dear, oh dear! Will they remember us? Are we safe to welcome them? Some look so much like He-man. We must keep up our guard and be certain they are Trueheart Faeries.” They all agreed to be courteous but maintain their own space.

So the gathering was set. Dust fell from many stiff, little-used wings. Some had never stretched their wings to fly before. The shuddered with apprehension and anticipation. Others who had once flown, only to be shot down by Manstings, wept. Their scars hurt deeply but they held themselves and each other and their tears healed them. Patching their tattered wings, they resolved to try once more. A few faeries heard the bells as they glided and danced in the air. Smiles sparkles and their brightly-colored wings made a rainbow for all to see.

“O joyous day! Calloo, callay! Sing to the flowers, shout to the breeze. We meet again!”

One small circle of faeries from the City of Angels fought their way across barren desert land. The dark work of Heman’s magic turned against them. But these were smog-smart faeries familiar with the freeways. Peter Rabbit suggested to Lady Day that they make an offering of their large water jug to appease the creature which bore them across the miles. Slowly they made their way to the sanctuary, stopping many times to slake the creature’s thirst.

At the sanctuary, the Elders convened. Even with the light in their hearts, their

Maleminds gave way to tiny prickles. Even so, problems were soon solved as they began to feel the waves of love rushing toward them. They knew everything would be fine.

As the opening date approached, even the shyer creatures of the desert, the rabbits, snakes, and birds, peaked out to see the arrival of the multi-hued faeries.

Midweek, three faeries from the Northlands arrived on a high flyer: one from the Creek of Wolves, two from the City of Saint Francis, lover of small creatures. Elder Harry and the Seer Mitch greeted them and all were transported to the sanctuary. Each brought with him as did all the faeries at the gathering, gifts to share. And they were greeted by hordes of butterflies decorating the entryway. Carl brought the wonder of flute and dance, LaRee had packed an extensive wardrobe of Silliness, and Dayvd held his magic wand.

The earliest arrivals shared in the preparations. The aroma of baked loaves of love perfumed the air; pathways were cleared on the land, signs painted to mark the way. Of course there were a few unfaerielike plans and details requiring attention, but everyone pitched in to help, and soon all was in readiness.

Bright faeries flew in from all around, scores in all descriptions, big and small, short and tall, dark and fair, young and old, rich and poor. Faeries, faeries, as far as the eyes could see! And although there were many who could not bring their hardselves to the gathering, their spirits wove a tapestry of light and love to make the presence known.

The first great circle was convened. Bright faeries relaxed beneath a cooling arbor. Overhead, birds chirped excitedly, wondering what was to come.

Invocations were made from points around the circle. Faerie voices sang out. Into the center of the circle, they stepped, one by one. Each offered a feeling, some hope or an idea for all to consider and share. Time slowed down to allow the variety of styles to emerge. Faerie facets reflected in the waning sunlight.

And with each voice from the great circle, particles of crust and calluses fell away from each faerie. Sighs of relief and relaxation joined to form a refreshing breeze. Soon they were naked again. Stripped of defenses, of anxieties and worries, free from the ugly, green frog skin which had hidden those beautiful faerie princes, they were free, free at last, free once more.

The faeries had come home again! For three days and nights did the faeries delight. Splish, splash in the water they played. Or sang they softly in the shade. All loving one, loving all. Some had a ball. Others balled. Bland masks fell from faeries faces. Colors sparkled in their places. Dreamers of love, lovers of dreams, sisterbrothers on the mend, healing, feeling, reeling, soaring upwards. Caring, sharing the same cup, spirits rose, up, up, up!

Some sat in little circles and spoke their hearts with each other’s words. A band of Earth Ones scampered out into the desert, discovered a dry streambed and brought buckets of water to make mudlucious monkeyshines in the sun, covering them with a coat of mud and decorating their bodies with twigs. A time beyond time recovered in reveling. Others danced and sang, paddled in the pool or were just quiet and contemplative. Hugs abounded and kisses flourished. Work was play and play was more play. Chores were carried out smoothly guaranteeing that everyone had lots of good food to eat, enough to drink and as much loving as they could stand!

And as those in the know know, many faeries are horned creatures and have magic in their wands. Be they large or little, the faeries loved to stroked those wands and to drink deeply from each other’s horns.

Murraybear brought forth a circle of faeries to touch and heal each other with their sexmagic.

Dayvd offered to share his worship of Orobrorus, the serpent which consumes itself.“ Use the meditation tent,” said Swamibill, as he knew the value of the magic Dayvd shared. And so many seeds were sown. Freely and openly, the faeries made love, on the carpet of grass, in tents, on covers on the sand, faerie to faerie, man to man.

goddesses of their kind. “O Diana, o Barbra, o Marilyn, Judy and Bette! Let us sing the songs of the Bards of the Great White Way and the Town of Mow. Chirp like crickets, warble like birds. Let us sing out songs of survival, hymns of our hope!”

sorbed. There was ecstatic dancing and singing. True lunacy abounded!

Past, present, and future melded. Time became as silly as the Sillysissies who made joyous offerings to the gods and

Then, as in a flash, like the white lightning that lit up the night sky, the days disappeared. A great circle was called for the last night together. All day the faeries flitted about with expectant smiles and goofy grins. Their true faces were painted on in rainbow colors. Flowing gowns were draped; flowers adorned each beautiful, unique faerie body. Faerie dust was sprinkled from faerie fingers

Some took on the task of constructing a framework for the evening’s ritual. Throughout the day, plans were laid for the Great Circle. Song and dances were devised, and a path was set for the grand procession.

The lavender sunset darkened to violet. Clouds floated and stars sparkled, the moon filled with the light of faerie love and rose to show the way. Musicians led the procession out into the desert night. Instruments blended in harmonies with the music of the night

For a time a hush fell over the procession. Wonderment and awe brought tears to faerie eyes as hand in hand, one and all they met in the night. From out of nowhere a white bull appeared to see what was disturbing the silence of his land and just as suddenly, it disappeared. A circle path met with the circle of faeries who stood arm in arm and gently rocked around another circle spiraling into the center.

Again, invocations were made. Voices filled the darkness. Send blessings to the night, to the shadows, to the light, to the trees, to the hills, to the birds and the bees, to the faerie knees. Magic spilled from faerie lips; calls to the glad to the tragic, to the peaks and the dips and to the faeries’ hips!

Beloved David, the mythmaker, intoned words of love from our Forebear, the Whitman. We were a community of loving brothers, now and forever.

Phillip of the Moon gave testimony. Sing hallelujah, give praise! I believe in faeries! I do believe! I do! I do! Make offerings to the Great Goddess: from Aurora, from Oakleaf, from Crazy Owl. Hurtful energies were released, healthful ones ab-

When the procession returned to the arbor, Smiling Gene led a sitdown, monkey dance. Sprites dancing, spirits swirling, faster and faster, side to side. Then there came the delicate waterbrother ceremony, with jugs blessed with faeries spirits, faerie love was passed from brother to brother. Each served the other equally.

When the ritual finally wound down everyone drifted off to sleep. Some slept alone, others in pairs. Some stayed awake for a time to sing late into the night. A circle with Swamibill shared dish at a poolside table. Chortling, cackling, faerie voices laughing and joking with each other until they, too, felt their eyelids heavy with sleep and crept off to bed.

4

In the morning, even before a farewell circle could be convened, some of the faeries had flown away. Reluctant to depart, one by one, the came to realize their duty. The sanctuary had provided a breeding ground for new hope and ideas for the world within and without. The time had come to take that energy back to transform the old “realities.”

A last sharing, a final invocation was made. Tears of pain and anguish mixed with those of strength and determination. Round and round a circle of faeries from the Southlands turned. Sensitivity and empathy we feel for our sisters who suffer as we do under the bloody fist of He-man: “Let us scream and yell and vent the rage! Cry! That his power be diminished soon. His dominion over the Earth has been unforgivably abused. No more! No more! No more!”

As it had begun, the gathering ended, with tears like crystal bells chiming as they fell from faerie eyes. Hug and kisses and addresses were exchanged as departures began. Into the Man’s machines the faeries folded their wings and disappeared into the desert’s dust. But in a way, they never left. Hearts bonded once so strong stay bonded deeply, bonded long. In our dreams, once again we awake to sleep the reality of what is until we arise to make the actuality of what shall be. So be it!

And there is no end, only sweet faretheewells till we meet again. •

All rights reserved, ©1979. As originally published in RFD Magazine, 1980.

The Power of the Heart Circle

by Mountaine (from the upcoming book, “Dancing in the Moonlight: A Radical Faerie Reader,” edited by Don Kilhefner and Mark Thompson)

Iwaslucky. The first time I went to a Radical Faerie Gathering (Fall of 1992 at Short Mountain), my orientation included where to eat, where to sleep, where to pee and poop, and where to gather for Heart Circle. I understood that the Heart Circle to be, literally, the “heart” of the gathering, the place where we paid attention to each other in a deep way. I knew I could have fun socializing, hanging out for hours over coffee and conversation, giving lots of focus to dress up and drag and theater, and ritualizing and partying together. But when I got to a Heart Circle, I knew immediately that it was different. Here I could be very, very real.

Since then, I’ve experienced many glorious hours of listening deeply to my fellow Faeries, and then having the talisman passed to me, enticing me to dig deeply into myself, so as to find something to say that mattered. Because I love this format so much, I want to share that love, dear reader, with you. Note that these comments and views are my own (except when others are quoted), so enjoy them with a grain of Celtic sea salt.

History

Most Faeries think of the origins of the Heart Circle as Native American. Many articles can be found on the Internet which refer to an old tradition of bringing a decorated “talking stick” or an eagle feather to council meetings or other gatherings, and using it as a sacred object to indicate who “has the floor,” so to speak, in discussions. But this seems to have varied greatly depending on the tribe.

In recent years, Clyde Hall has become well known among many Faeries through his attendance at Breitenbush gatherings in Oregon and also through his sharing the ancient ceremony of healing and renewal known as “The Naraya: A Dance for All People” at the Wolf Creek and Short Mountain Faerie Sanctuaries. Clyde is a Shoshone/Metis elder - an acknowledged authority on Native American culture. I asked him about the talking stick, and he said it wasn’t part of his tribe’s traditions.

“Growing up on the reservation and attending all kinds of meetings and ‘doings’ as a child and young adult,” Clyde said, “a stick was never used. When men got together to have a discussion of importance, the pipe was smoked. When that ceremony was done, and the pipe was taken apart, then the matter at hand was discussed again. It was just a simple courtesy that the person speaking was not interrupted and given due respect. It is part of our unwritten teachings on social conduct called the tenni-wapp. I do think it’s funny that here on the reservation, the people use a stick now, in talking circles and at certain other times. So it has become a ‘tradition’ amongst the Shoshone people, but a new one!”

It is clear that the tribes of the Iroquois used an object called a “roll call cane” or “condolence cane” to focus their sharing. Charlie Patton, a Mohawk elder who attends some of the Naraya ceremonies, spoke of this with Clyde, who recalls: “Apparently the cane was passed at the beginning of long house ceremonies or other meetings to the various ‘bands’ or clan chiefs to identify who was in attendance at the meeting. It was a kind of check-in, and speeches were said as well at that time. Charlie told me it was called a condolence cane because when the cane was first presented to the clan chief by the women, who chose the leader, it gave him his authority and recognition. The women felt sorry for him, because of the heavy burden of leadership that was now his, so it was called ‘condolence cane’ for that reason.”

In some tribes, if a person wanted to bring up a potentially contentious issue, they would bring their own stick to a meeting, and hold it while speaking; sometimes there was an “answering feather” which was passed to others who wanted to respond. In other tribes, it was traditional to hang a talking stick on the west wall of the home. Any family member was empowered to take it down when they felt the need for a serious discussion. As soon as someone held the stick, all other work stopped, the family sat in a circle, and the person who had retrieved the stick expressed concerns. Then the

stick was passed, and others shared their feelings about the topic, until some kind of resolution was achieved.

There are also reports that the use of a talking stick is found in cultures around the world. In modern times, it began to be used widely in the Seventies, as the human potential movement gained momentum, and people saw the value of listening deeply to one another. Heart Circles were adopted at the first Faerie Gatherings and the word “talisman” began to be used for the ritual object that was passed. I haven’t been able to discover when or why this happened, but I have a guess. Faeries feel free to pass any object, which they see as sacred, and that object need not be a stick. At the first Radical Faerie Gathering a talisman was used to ensure that every Faerie voice could be heard.

Mechanics

The essence of a Heart Circle is the creation of a safe container, in which participants feel free to speak from their hearts without concern for being judged, criticized, or given unwanted advice. There are a variety of ways of creating the safety of the container. In general, the more consciousness and care is brought to the process, the more likely it is to be meaningful.

In many cases, especially when there are people in the Circle who are new to Heart Circles, a facilitator is selected to help provide structure. Depending on the local tradition and the style of the facilitator, there may be an opening ritual to help focus the container. At a large gathering, it is common to call for announcements first; this allows the Heart Circle later to be focused more on feelings than on upcoming events. A Tarot Card may be drawn to give a theme to the circle, or the facilitator may suggest a theme (with the caveat that sharing outside the theme is welcome too). A guided visualization for grounding may be offered before the talisman is passed.

Typical guidelines given by the facilitator might include:

For each person in the Circle, far more

time is spent listening than talking. Listen deeply and well. Stay focused -- no “cross-talk” or side conversations. Avoid using your listening time to think about what you are going to say when the talisman comes to you. The deepest sharing is often unplanned and spontaneous.

Don’t interrupt the person speaking -- only the person holding the talisman is empowered to speak. And when it comes your turn to share, avoid commenting on something another person shared, other than what it brought up in your own heart.

When the talisman is passed to you, before you speak, you might want to study it for a moment, to see if it brings up any images in your mind that might inspire your first words. This is one way to start sharing from the moment, spontaneously.

Say your name before you begin to speak. This is not only so people get to know your name -- it’s also a way of bringing your complete self into the moment.

Speak from the heart! This is difficult to define, but it probably includes an emphasis on feelings over thoughts and beliefs.

Use “I” statements whenever possible, not sentences with “we” or “you.” You have full authority to speak of your own experience, but don’t assume that others feel the same way.

If you choose not to speak, that’s okay.

Pass the talisman in a sunwise (clockwise) direction, so it moves from you to the person on your left. This has the ritual feel of weaving a web among the participants.

Once the talisman has been around the Circle once, it is up to the facilitator or the group dynamic whether it is passed again or not. One option is that a second round is for those who didn’t speak the first time. After that, the Circle may end, or the talisman may be put in the center for anyone who would like to pick it up and speak again, or it may be passed around multiple times until everyone feels complete.

“What is spoken in the Circle stays in the Circle.” This means that it is inappropriate to repeat someone’s Heart Circle sharing in a social or gossipy setting. If you want to discuss what a participant said with them later, ask for permission first. Sometimes everyone is

asked to commit to this verbally before the Circle begins.

In smaller Circles, or Circles in which the participants are experienced with the format, the role of the facilitator can end once the guidelines are established. At the end, participants may join hands and sing a closing song together, or choose some other way of completing their work together.

“Silence during a Heart Circle is a blessing”, says Mohabee, a longtime California Faerie. “This is one of the few times many in the Circle get to really witness silence, which may not occur very often in their lives. Those who attend Heart Circles regularly know it’s best to treat silence reverently, and to practice patience. Rarely does someone break the silence that might occur in a Circle.”

Pitfalls

Sometimes a Heart Circle becomes very unpleasant for one or more participants if they feel disempowered by the structure or facilitation style. Here are some suggestions for minimizing this:

Don’t apply the guidelines too strictly; don’t interrupt someone’s sharing in order to enforce the guidelines. One of my most painful moments in Heart Circle was a time when guidelines had been stated clearly, but as often happens, several people (including me) made the mistake of using the word “we” rather than “I” a few times. After being interrupted and corrected harshly, it was very difficult for me to find a way back to feeling safe in that Circle.

Don’t indulge in “hijacking” the Circle for a personal agenda. Heart Circle is not a place for announcements, or gossip, or badmouthing someone who’s offended you. If people start sharing in these ways, the feeling of safety can be seriously compromised.

Are people allowed to come and go? Allowing someone to join who wasn’t present for the opening can cause difficulty if the new person isn’t familiar with the guidelines. Usually, among Faeries, that is a risk that is taken, to allow for as much openness as possible. But it can backfire if a strong container has been created, and someone joins the Circle without the sensitivity to pay close attention.

Some Faerie traditions make a distinction between a check-in (a quick round, intended to share names and maybe a sentence or two) and a more open-ended Circle. A check-in is especially valuable when there are many people in the Circle, and some would like a quick taste before moving on to another activity. If the distinction between these is unclear, and people enter a check-in Circle without understanding that the sharing must be kept very short (or if they don’t want to restrict themselves to that), uncomfortable chaos can ensue. Often, if a check-in format is used, those who want a longer Circle may reconvene once the check-in is completed.

Glories

Iasked some Faeries for their comments on the power of Heart Circles, so this article wouldn’t be entirely in my voice. In response, Teddy Bare said it’s all about connection. He broke this down into three aspects:

Connection with one’s self: you are speaking of your feelings and your life situations. You do this sharing in a safe and supportive environment, where you are free to look at parts of yourself that you may have been avoiding.

Connection with others: you are revealing information about yourself that you may not have revealed to the general public. You do this so as to be more genuinely known by those who are present in the Circle.

Connection as community: while each person is sharing, the others are listening. Listening with their ears, minds and hearts–empathizing with the speaker, providing a space for them to reveal that which they keep protected. Because people in the Heart Circle really care about what is being said, and really care about the people who are saying it, a communal bond is created.”

Len sent an evocative email beginning with the words “The trick or not the trick is…” and then went on to describe his experience: “The person across the Circle from you says something that stirs your heart and you want to respond. But you hold, let go, and listen. And as others let go and add new heart to the Circle, what you are holding will be let go by someone else. So pretty soon your heart is exploding with love! Now comes the hard

Continued on page 45

A Stranger Amongst Them by

Iwentto my first Faerie Heart Circle in the early nineties, way back when I was twenty-six. I had only been officially Out a couple of years. In a whirlwind frenzy I hit the bars, bath-houses, trails, cruising spots (like the ill fated Fruit Loop at English Bay), trying to make connections with men. I read about this gay men`s workshop and against my therapist`s better judgement I signed up for the transformative Body Electric. During the intensive weekend the group circled up and shared stories about themselves, which in itself was very new for me. I wasn’t accustomed to such intimacy, especially when all of us were naked. Twenty-nine gay men talking about themselves honestly and openly was a huge stretch for me at that vulnerable age. One of the participants was a lovely middle-aged school teacher by the name of Ray Silver. Come the end of the weekend, Ray invited me to join him for a gentle hike. He suggested we take a walk through a forest in some suburban area I was unaware of. I was fairly new to Vancouver at that point and hadn’t explored many of the surrounding districts.

Stitch

During the walk Ray regaled me with stories of his life, but mostly we talked about his new found excitement around these Radical Faeries he’d recently been introduced to. Our interest piqued as many questions swirled around us.

A few months after the hike I received a phone call from the newly minted Faerie, Silver Ray. He`d been to a Faerie gathering that summer and was imbued with the energies of the Faeries. It was upon my myriad of questions and curiosity that this angelic, eager fellow suggested I come to a Heart Circle with him. I hesitantly agreed. He instructed me on where to go and I arrived at the unfamiliar address, which turned out to be a huge, old brick apartment building at an intersection of two busy streets. I was buzzed up to the apartment and took the slow elevator to the designated floor. I walked down the dingy hallway and knocked on a scuffed and dented door. The host greeted me with an easy smile and relaxed demeanor. He introduced himself as Smee.

Looking around at the small group

that was congregated, I instantly felt out of place. Even though there was Silver Ray`s familiar smile amongst them, I was aware that one of these things did not belong with the others and that was me!

Our host welcomed us once we were more or less in a circular formation with a dated coffee-table as our center. The sparse living-room was dim. The only light came in through a couple large paned windows facing North. The bit of early Autumn sunshine that could get in, cast heavy shadows across the room. Smee set up guidelines about how the Heart Circle would proceed. He spoke about no cross-talk and used the word confidentiality; ‘What was said in the circle stayed in the circle’. Then a fellow across from me stripped off all of his clothes. He mumbled something about feeling more comfortable this way. He fiddled with his flaccid penis throughout the remainder of the evening. He looked so vulnerable and I felt awkward for being dressed. I’d just done a workshop with twenty-nine butt naked men,

Keith Gemerek

but this sole nude man really distracted me from what was going on. No one else seemed to notice him.

Another fellow shared with the group that he’d begun prostituting himself. Some of the fellas hissed at this. He told us that he had clear intentions to use this sex as a way to heal his clients. There was more hissing. This stranger shared his decision so easily, almost nonchalantly. I’m sure I must have gasped. His bold honesty was way too much for me to look at.

As each story was shared and more personal details were deposited into the center of the room with soulful abandon, I felt more and more like the boy fresh from the farm. These men continued to freely share their fears, hopes, downfalls, pitfalls – everything. Tears were shed, more hissing, it was like being in a foreign land.

The evening progressed to where everyone had shared and the host asked if there was anything else. Many eyes alighted on me, The Silent One. I cast my eyes to the dusty floor. Once the circle was closed, I bolted out of the apartment as fast as I could. I felt like a cartoon character busting through the lathe and plaster wall leaving a perfect outline of myself as dust trickled to the parquet floor.

I took a chance that evening and jumped into a situation that swallowed me up like quicksand. I sunk to a level I was petrified to explore.

It would be thirteen years until I found myself in a circle of Faeries again. That first circle made a huge impact on me and it was a glimpse into the man I was going to become. It’s the closest thing to peering into a magical looking-glass that gives a hint of the future. I wasn’t in the same place of openness that the intimate group of men I’d circled with were in. I was in super denial about my potential and had bought into some twisted concept of what it meant to be an urban gay man. The word queer was a long way from being in my vocabulary.

At that first circle of Faeries, something was illuminated within me. A little seed was planted, but it would be a long time before it would take root in my heart and soul, where I’d be comfortable sitting naked in a circle of Queer-Faggot-Sissy-Pansy Faeries! •

One from the Heart

by Mark Thompson

Creativity at a Radical Faerie gathering is as fresh and abundant as water flowing from an artesian well. Rituals, performances and sharings of all kinds spontaneously happen throughout each day and into the night. Faeries often travel great distances to attend a gathering and upon arrival are warmly greeted with the words, “Welcome home.”

Usually the first activity to be organized is a heart circle. While nothing is mandatory at a Faerie gathering, just about everyone attends at least one heart circle. Blankets, ponchos and old logs are set out on the ground and men sit around making themselves as comfortable as possible. I remember some heart circles lasting from morning to dusk, not only a real test of mutual trust but the durability of our backsides.

During such times, I was reminded of movie mogul Harry Cohn’s dictum of when a film should be cut: “When my butt begins to hurt,” he’d famously say. Itch, ache, wiggle, or sometime just dead numb, our human-scale epics of candid chatter often meant pushing through all of the above. Patience was not only our virtue, but also our reward.

A heart circle is a public forum as well as a psychically safe space where everything that needs and wants to be said can be with consensus and discernment. The conversation ranges from the mundane (someone left their car lights on, the outhouse is past the second clump of willow trees) to the profound. Dreams, spiritual awakenings, sudden insights and epiphanies of all sorts are offered up to the group as if one were handing out precious gem-

stones. Other times, the talk is no more rarefied than a bawdy joke or a juicy bit of dish.

Whatever is voiced in these healing circles is respectfully heard until the speaker has their final say and the “talking stick” is passed on to the next man. There’s usually a lot of wholesale glee, but angst and hurt expressed as well. One late summer afternoon in 1981, a large group of us were caught in a rainstorm in the mountains of New Mexico. We persisted, however, letting the drizzle mix with tears of pent-up pain and the perspiration of neurotic purging. Any heart circle results in the release of both.

I will never forget one magnificent circle made by a couple of hundred men two years later. Surrounded by the lush green hills of the Northern California countryside, we all stood and linked hands in a blessing ceremony for two Faeries pledging their lifelong devotion to one another. Needless to say, there wasn’t a dry eye anywhere in sight.

Later that day, I had my own occasion of blissful satori when an exceptionally handsome man -- tall, bearded and hairy -- stood naked in the middle of the circle and declared his new Faerie name: Loretta. He then wrapped himself in a multi-colored shawl his grandmother had crocheted. This moment in time was dedicated to her, said Loretta, and to all our female ancestors, especially the most significant one of all — Mother Earth. It was an indelible statement about the importance of conjoining the yin and yang in each of us. And in honoring, with love and piety, the holy sphere that makes us all truly one. •

Matt Bucy

What Heart Circle Means To Me

by Gecko

My first formal introduction to the Faerie community came in 2005, though I had been going, off-gathering, to Short Mountain Sanctuary since 1998 or 1999. In April of 2005 my best friend in Nashville announced to me that he was going to spring gathering, and that I should come. I’d been invited by other Faeries several times before, but it just never felt like the time. This time it did. We packed up for the trip and set up camp near Nash Vegas on the path walking down toward Memorial Grove. Memorial Grove had drawn me, though I was not even faintly aware of it on a conscious level.

When it was time to park, I was greeted by this wonderful person Eden (who I later learned had never done parking duty before but had chosen to on that day). That is how we met. It was a fun afternoon hanging out with a new friend before the rain came. And did it come. It was a very rainy, cold night, and to top things off, my air mattress went completely flat. Not a good first night – but the spirits were watching over me.

The next morning, I went to my first circle. I should point out that this wasn’t actually a heart circle, it was the morning check-in circle. While it was not a heart circle, it was the most important circle I have ever attended. At the end of the circle, B conducted a ribbon dance. During that dance I broke down and began sobbing uncontrollably. I did not know why (and didn’t know until many months later), but I again knew it was right. Many people came and laid hands on my shoulder. Not one person asked if I was okay – because they somehow knew that this was what I needed. They only touched me as if to ground me and reassure me that I was among family. I cry again even at the memory of that day.

What was the meaning of that day?

Months later I came to realize that it was my first heart circle, even though it wasn’t one in the normal sense. My heart opened and acknowledged deep

within me that something must change – that I was not happy where I was in my life. But those details weren’t understood until much later. During that gathering I was not to know the reason.

That second night of the gathering, I resolved that I was not going to sleep on an air mattress that went flat again, I asked my new friend Eden if I could stay with him (how sneaky of me!). He

has happened to me more than once) come to circle to share something and to release it, only to find that it’s more important, at least in that moment, to allow someone else to share their heart – I have found that my place in that circle might have been to go to that person, hold them, and reassure them (many times without saying a word), that they have family that love them and that we are there for them.

In the last couple of Short Mountain gatherings I’ve been a bit disappointed. Why? With the gatherings becoming larger and larger, somehow the heart circle doesn’t seem as prominent as it was the first couple of years I went. The check-in circle sometimes morphs into a heart circle of sorts; perhaps that leads to confusion for the newer Fae among us who haven’t been blessed with the experiences an intentionally called heart circle can bring to those who open themselves to it.

welcomed me into his shared space, and through him I was also blessed to meet Star Boy, who has become another close friend since that first gathering. Those of you who know Eden or me of course already know “the rest of the story.” Just over a year later Eden moved to Nashville, and we have shared our hearts and oneness of spirit since the day we met – “officially” consummated in a handfasting on Beltane eve of 2006. That was a blessed circle I went to in 2005!

I don’t believe I attended an actual heart circle in 2005; I was too new, not yet sure whether I could add to those special places where we open our hearts fully. I have attended many in years since; my personal favorites are the small circles where there seems to be a more intimacy. People are free to open up and share – others (and this

I have had both wonderful healing experiences and the wonderful experiences of helping others to heal through heart circles. There are people who come to mind as I write whom I first met through heart circle; those are the Faeries that I most look forward to seeing again at the next year’s gathering.

Gathering is certainly fun. Enjoy it! It’s a place where you can express yourself in ways that you cannot, most likely, express yourself anywhere else! But please never forget that there is a deeper spiritual significance of that gathering. Make the time to have quiet spaces and get in touch with your inner feelings. Share your deepest feelings in a sacred heart circle; or perhaps go to share the depth of your love by simply holding someone’s hand while they release the deepest feelings that they’ve dared share nowhere else. And never forget that you’re planting your intentions when you help raise the new maypole; just as you’re releasing the prior year when you throw things that you need to release into the fire on Beltane Eve. •

Make the time to have quiet spaces and get in touch with your inner feelings. Share your deepest feelings in a sacred heart circle; or perhaps go to share the depth of your love by simply holding someone’s hand...

Myfirst Heart Circle was at a Faerie Gathering during a cold winter in 1983 at Breitenbush Hot Springs in Oregon. I joined about 60 men crammed together in the lodge room in the middle of winter, snow piled high on the decks outside. Soon, the crackling fire in the fireplace combined with the sweaters and heavy wool socks warmed the room and the layers started coming off.

I’d been in these kinds of groups before and was more than a bit skeptical. I had a liberal upbringing with a radical psychiatrist for a father engaging in 1970s encounter groups, gestalt therapy and free attitudes towards sex and drugs. I had my own experiences with group therapy, youth support groups and a smidgen of sex and drugs and carried a slightly jaded, haughty attitude into the room.

It didn’t last long.

Back up a couple of months. I’m living in Los Angeles when my long-time friend (from some of those experimental sex and drugs days), Mark Souder called me, from his home in Portland to invite me to the upcoming winter Breitenbush gathering.

I had heard of the Radical Faerie gatherings. I recalled an article in the Advocate a few years earlier with an accompanying photo of a bunch of men, naked, covered in mud, standing clumped around in a circle with each other, arms raised skyward. I asked Mark if these were the same people. “Aren’t these a bunch of horny, old men” I asked. “Well some of them, yeah,” he reassured me. His usual bluntness comforted me somewhat and I pensively agreed to go with him to the gathering.

Back to that increasingly steamy room where now the talisman, a beautifully crafted triangularly shaped shawl with the image of kernonos, fully erect, crocheted into the center is being passed from man to man with a ritual hug. Each man, many around my age of about 25 proceeded to share “from the heart,” a phrase I suddenly understood more clearly than ever. In a pre-AIDS environment – while AIDS cases had started appearing in 1981, in

Heart Circles

by Chas Nol

early 1983 very few gay men had been impacted, and seemingly fewer Faeries – these young men passionately shared their experiences coming out, being brutally rejected by family and friends, having painfully abusive relationships and feeling the incredible joy and solace at finding a home in the Radical Faeries.

In my mind I tried valiantly to dispassionately criticize and dismiss this group of men. But something was happening to

for being queer at 16 years before I knew what I was. I spoke of being caught up in a lifestyle of empty hours in bars hoping , in vain, to meet a caring, sensitive, loving man who also happened to be politically progressive.

As I spoke the sounds of the approving hisses filled the air. I knew I was being heard and seen. Here now clutching this piece of cloth closer to me, I found a group of men, a tribe, with whom I resonated. I had come home.

That first gathering and those first circles had a very powerful impact on me. I was transformed.

For months afterwards, I walked around West Hollywood seeing the world very differently. I suddenly knew I was not alone. I was somehow not as flawed and ostracized as I had feared. Unfortunately, the world did not transform with me. All those hot, buffed out guys in West Hollywood did not instantly recognize the newly transformed, self actualized beaming me. They did not, to my disappointment, pursue me cooing about how my new found confidence made me irresistible.

me. The stories they shared, the tears, the wails and the belly-aching laughter was so frank and honest, so authentic and emotional. They resonated with my own unspoken years of frustration and loneliness.

Whenit was my turn to share, I stood and was enveloped in the sacred shawl by a smiling stranger who left me with a hug. While unable to articulate it, I felt and heard the voices of the hundreds of men who, before me, draped in that simple but magical schemata poured out their hearts. I began to open up my own heart. I spoke of hiding my sexuality, my sensitivity, my desires, my very self. I spoke of the time I had stupidly chased some queer bashers only to end up in the hospital with a surgeon picking out pieces of a beer bottle from the side of my face. I spoke of being fired

They had not changed, but I had and I wasn’t about to go back.

My interest in the bars waned and I pursued support groups at the Los Angeles Lesbian and Gay Center. There, I found out about an upcoming Radical Faerie gathering in Southern California and there were more heart circles.

I was hooked and became a Heart Circle junkie. I attended as many gatherings as I could. When it seemed there weren’t enough gatherings I began to help organize them in the Los Angeles area. In each gathering, I would compulsively attend the Heart Circles. Heart Circles were a cornerstone of the gathering, held each morning and lasting sometimes all day. It seemed like everyone attended the Heart Circle and there was always a breakthrough of some kind of another. I, perhaps unhealthily, came to depend on the Heart Circle as a cornerstone in my life.

For months afterwards, I walked around West Hollywood seeing the world very differently. I suddenly knew I was not alone. I was somehow not as flawed and ostracized as I had feared.

Like any good drug, my experiences with Heart Circles were not always transformational. People did not always “get it” as to what Heart Circle was all about. Some would drone on telling stories about people and places far away. Others would complain about not getting laid, dishes not getting washed or cars parked in the wrong direction. After awhile others in the circle, sensing the lack of focus on the speakers part, would call out from the side “from the Heart!” as a loving but firm reminder of the purpose of the Heart Circle. Other times, a respected elder in the community would natter on for thirty minutes or more, oblivious to his sleepy and increasingly restless audience as evidenced by the rapidly shrinking size of the circle.

At one gathering in Malibu, California after a particularly long and self indulgent “No Talent Show” act, a new phrase apropos to both Heart Circles and the ubiquitous talent shows emerged. For awhile, when called for, a few brave souls might chant “a stage is not a circle; a circle is not a stage” in either or both venues.

My shares in Heart Circles were frequent in the early years and became less and less frequent as time went on. Early on my shares would burst out of me as I could no longer contain my passion or, often, my frustration. I shared my joy at finding community, my frustration at seeing us stray from respecting each other and more often than not, the horrific pain that would come up again and again at gatherings at not having the connections I so longed for. My propensity for feeling alone and isolated at gatherings seemed positively counterproductive. Yet, the sense of pain would be a vehicle for transformation using the Heart Circle. Coming into the center of the circle, wearing the shawl or clasping the talisman - a lovingly selected rock, stick, carved stone, teddy bear, dildo, vegetable or absurd kitchen utensil - I would be overcome by a rush of authenticity, feeling held and witnessed by the circle and unconditionally loved and support as long as I spoke my truth for as long as I spoke my truth.

For the last nine years, I’ve been participating in smaller Heart Circles composed of 5-7 men who meet regularly, usually once a month. While often not as dramatic as the big Heart Circles,

having the continuity of the same group of people has provided the opportunity for deeper connections and a shared experience over months and years instead of a single afternoon. There is growing familiarity and Heart Circle shares begin to focus more on relationships between the participants instead of the individual experience of self. In my current Heart Circle sits my lover of the past 6 years. There is a special honor and comfort in sharing my truths and being witnessed by this treasured group of men and being seen as a couple, an individual and a loving man.

Heart Circles are not the only way

to speak our truths and connect with each other and they certainly were not the only tool for me. Therapy helped, as did a wonderful group of loving friends. But there is something about the permission given in Heart Circle to speak honestly, raw and unedited that helps affirm a sense of self that is not so bad; maybe even good or loved.

While I don’t speak very often in the big Heart Circles at gatherings anymore, I do laugh, cry, seethe, get sleepy, sit in awe and marvel at the raw beauty that reveals itself time and time again when a new voice stands up to speak in Heart Circle for the first time. •

Techno Circle

by Penny

Wherewe come from confidentiality is a huge part of the heart circle covenant. And I have never thought much of evangelism, no matter how yummy the message. Still, l can’t help wondering what would happen if we had a heart circle on TV. What kind of reality show would THAT be? I’d be interested in giving it a try just to see who would join in the sharing, who would help on the tech end and who would watch.

I totally understand being reluctant to open up when you have no control over who is going to be tuning in. So naturally the showoffs would self-select to participate. We have a couple of decades of reality TV conventions to guide our self-exposure. But then the inexorable prodding of the heart circle method would erode the glittery facade. I think that would be fascinating to watch. Fascinating? To whom? Well, to our friends of course. And perhaps their friends. So, YouTube? Cable access? The silver screen? “60 Minutes?” YouTube. Definitely. It would be re-

vealing to see how many hits a segment would get. “Oh my Goddess! That thing I shared in heart circle just went viral!” “Mine only got three hits.” One drawback to this medium is that the circle would get cut up into bits. I can even see it spawning a video-based listserve opt-in type “circle.” Hey, there might be something to be said for a circle you could customize. Wait! Wait! I didn’t say that! I can see babies going out with bath water.

I have hope of at least once having a number of folk in the same place with a camera as talisman. It would be worth the upset and distortion if only to demonstrate and document the concept of heart circle. But just think about it: it’s an instant movie. People sat through “My Dinner with Andre.” Why shouldn’t they at least put “My Heart Circle with Camera” on their Netflix queue after it gets booed at Sundance? That’s MY dream.

I’m Penny, and I’m passing the talisman. •

Michael Goettee

took the plunge tostay with the Faeries on Terschelling in the Netherlands. I was ready to use my open eyes, to give to the altar and the kitchen what I had in my luggage, and after we had been welcomed with singing and dances, I joined the circle. All contacts were playful in the days that followed. Conversation began while working on some food for meals, having a walk by twos or comfortable gatherings. After a few days and seeing the heart circles happening unconstrained, I felt able to join in. I enjoyed the restrained and unpretentious ritual. A talisman passes around, and you talk and listen.

The “yoohoo“ resounds; those who hear and are willing assemble in the circle. You take one another’s hands, the left opened upwards, the right down. A glance wanders around, eyes meet, some smile back, some keep back their looks, some flirt and some do not see each other at all. One tells what’s new and what topics are important. You’ll breath together, listen to something introductory and make yourself comfortable.

The talisman for this circle is presented and then someone takes it and starts talking from his heart. Either the speaker addresses the topic or he gives his own thoughts and feelings. He may say a few words, or take time with thinking out loud, until he gets to the the essence of his feelings or he reads something, which he feels appropriate. You address the whole circle. It’s not answered with dialogue, but the chosen topic can continue to be discussed. The talisman goes around once, twice, three times. If there’s no one who suggests closing, you can stay in the circle until you become uncomfortable from the unkind burning sun or by rain which calls you somewhere dry; thirst or hunger distract you and other needs that allow no respite. I watched circles on Terschelling from a distance that lasted a while. Some people went away, ate, drank a sip, figured out after spending a penny/took a leak, and as the talisman circled they stepped back in again.

Whoever attends the circle is welcomed; whoever stays silent or whoever leaves, does without fearing comment. The important thing is what is addressed.

Yes, it’s only spoken words and those are fugitive and ephemeral.

by Ingo Scholtysek

positiven Gefühl und einer Ahnung beflügelt als durch Recher chen aufgeklärt, wagte ich den Aufenthalt mit den Faeries auf Terschelling. Ich war bereit mit offenen Augen zu sehen, mit dem was ich im Gepäck hatte, mich am Altar und in der Küche einzubringen und nach dem wir in der Runde mit Gesang und Tanz willkommen geheißen wurden, war ich Teil des Kreises. In den folgenden Tagen ergaben sich allle Kontakte spielerisch, mit einem nach den anderen begannen Gespräche, bei gemeinsamer Arbeit für’s Essen, bei zweisamen Spaziergängen und gemütlichen Beisammenseins. Nach ein paar Tagen und den zwanglos statt findenden Herz-Kreisen war ich bereit auch in dieser Situation einen Platz einzunehmen.

Ich war dabei und angetan von dem sparsamen Ritual.

Ein Talismann geht die Runde, es wird vom Herzen gesprochen und zugehört.

Wenn das Juhuu ertönt sammeln sich die Hörenden und Willigen im Kreis. Man fasst sich an die Hände, die Linke nach oben und die Rechte nach unten. Der Blick wandert durch die Runde, Augenpaare treffen sich, es wird gelächelt, verhalten geschaut, geflirtet und manche Blicke treffen sich nicht. Jemand erhebt die Stimme und sagt, was es zu wissen und besprechen gilt - man atmet gemeinsam, lauscht etwas Einleitendem und macht es sich bequem. Der Talismann für die Runde wird vorgestellt und dann nimmt ihn der Erste und beginnt vom Herzen zu sprechen. Entweder nimmt der Sprechende Bezug auf die Einleitung oder er gibt einfach seine Stimmung wieder, er spricht nur ein paar Sätze oder er läßt sich Zeit und denkt laut - so lange bis er zum Kern seiner Gefühle gelangt ist oder er liest etwas vor, was er für diesen Kreis für wichtig hält. In der Rede wird der Kreis als Ganzes adressiert. Es wird nicht direkt dialogisch geantwortet aber es kann sehr wohl Gesagtes aufgenommen und weiter besprochen werden. Der Talismann kreist einmal, zweimal, dreimal - wenn niemand den Kreis durch Fragen, ob dies nun genüge auflöst, kann man so lange im Kreis bleiben, bis es unbequem wird weil zum Beispiel die Sonne ungnädig brennt oder der Regen einen ins Trockene lockt oder es rufen Durst und Hunger und andere Bedürf-

Matt Bucy

Yes, there is no secretary, possessor, someone in charge or anything like that, but word by word, the consciousness of the circle is built. Some hear from others what they had thought to say and refer to it, contributing their thoughts and feelings. Some have sat in heart circles for years and all of a sudden, they speak about feelings they never told before. Someone takes the talisman and is so touched that he cries and speaks with tears. All information becomes shared knowledge, it’s in the circle and stays within memory. This was the most unex

nisse, welche keinen Aufschub dulden. Ich habe Kreise auf Terschelling beobachtet, die sehr lange währten. Einzelne entfernten sich, aßen etwas, tranken noch einen Schluck, stellten nach dem Austreten fest, dass der Talismann noch immer kreist und gesellten sich dann noch einmal hinzu. Und sie wurden wieder aufgenommen.

Wer sich in den Kreis begibt ist willkommen, wer schweigt oder sich entfernt, der darf dies ohne Kommentare fürchten zu müssen. Entscheidend ist, was in den Kreis hineingegeben wird. Ja, es sind nur gesprochene Worte und diese sind

Ja, es gibt keinen Schriftführer und Beisitzer oder ähnliches aber das Gesagte bildet Wort für Wort das Bewusstsein des Kreises. Manche hören von anderen, was sie selbst beitragen wollten, nehmen darauf Bezug und entwickeln ihre Gefühle weiter und sagen dann Dinge, von denen sie zuvor noch nicht nden würden. Manche sitzen seit Jahren in Herz-Kreisen und sagen auf einmal Dinge, welche bisher noch nie über ihre Lippen kamen; manch einer nimmt den Talismann und schüttet überwältigt von der Situation sofort unter Tränen sein Herz aus. Man hört, so denke ich, wohl in jedem Fall mehr, als einem selbst über die Lippen kommt. Alle Information von jedem einzelnen wird zum geteilten Wissen, dieses ist im Kreis und hat durch das Erinnerungsvermögen bestand. Letzteres war für mich das Überraschendste. Dass geteilte Information mit allen im Kreis ein gemeinsames Bewusstsein bildet, hatte ich mir quasi ausgerechnet, dass aber Einzelne in ihrer lange währenden Geschichte als Faerie auch Gedächtnis für den Herz-Kreis sind, zeigte mir auf das Angenehmste die Kraft dieses Ritus. Worte haben ihre Kraft, mit ihnen kann mächtig etwas bewegt, gegründet und gebaut werden. Diese durch die Faeries mir neu bestätigte und so ewig alte Erkenntnis zeigte mir ein Bild aus der unendlichen Geschichte von Michael Ende: Die kindliche Kaiserin hält nach der Zerstörung ihres Elfenbein-Turms ein glimmendes oder strahlendes Sandkorn in der Hand. Atreju ist verzweifelt und ohne Zuversicht. Ihm vertraut sie diesen kleinsten Teil ihres Reiches an. Er soll mit all seinen Gedanken und Wünschen dieses Reich wieder erstehen lassen - bunter, größer, schöner

Es wird ein Heiligtum geschaffen, mit Worten, ausgesprochenen Gedanken und Wünschen. Der gerade stattfindende Herz-Kreis und sein Reservoir an Informationen ist für mich

In ihm entstehen die Kontakte für eine Gemeinschaft in welcher scheinbar Magie für den Bau einer neuen Welt sorgt. Natürlich sind es die Hände der einzelnen Faeries, welche tatsächlich Dinge bewegen und neu gruppieren. Auf die geteilte Information folgen gemeinsame Handlungen und Taten. Das willig gegebene Wort formiert die Kräfte, welche letztlich Berge versetzen. Jeder packt mit an. Ob nun Tische und Bänke für ein Essen im oder vor dem Haus verrückt wurden oder etwas gestaltet wird, was länger Bestand haben soll, entscheiden ist wohl der Wille der im Kreis Anwesenden Faeries in diesen

In this circle the connection happens which arises in a community in which magic seems to take care of building a new world. Genuine and realistically it’s the hands of each Faerie

Der Kreis ist im Fluss, es gibt keine unverrückbar Anwesende. Selbst beim Abhalten des Kreises war der Ritus nicht durch die Bewegung einzelner Teilnehmender gestört. Ihre zuvor gegebenen Worte sind in der Sammlung des Kreise zwar flüchtig, denn es sind eben nur gesprochene Worte. Diese

Matt Bucy

that move and gather things. After the shared information comes common action. The word forms which finally moves mountains. Each grabs something, everyone lends a hand. Some tables and benches are needed for a dinner, which are somewhere else, or there is something to form and figure, that needs more time and may last a while. I think it’s the wish of the circle with the attended Faeries sharing from the heart that is decisive.

The circle is fluid; nothing is permanent. During the circle, the atmosphere isn’t disturbed by the movement of a single participant. Their words may be ephemeral in the the circle, cause they’re just words, but are still heard. The many ears in the circle hear and their eyes show their hearts and the ground on which they fall. The movement of individuals out of the circle and back in again didn’t disturb me. I stayed calm because of my curiosity to hear what might be told further on. The basis of mutual trust gives and is embraced by the circle. The possibility of a development in this circle is there. A community is shaped with the Faeries in a kind of magic way. It’s magic to us, because it’s so contrary to our neighborhood -- the outside world, the daily and globally gathered mainstream news. If there is something given to the circle, answers will come.

For me, wishes came true, because I was heard. After a week on Terschelling, on the ferry trip back to Harlingen and further on to Amsterdam and Berlin, I saw the pictures in my mind of all the personal contacts. Each took his moment for an answer. Many came along with more questions to ask back, and I got into a talk the most of them. With some a dialogue started, it goes on. A thread spins itself.

I want to give more to this circle, cause I’m bewitched by the spirit. It’s austerity and unpretentiousness are attractive to me. It’s filled with love for freedom and therefore comes out as rich as it does. Boundaries are built with the thoughts by our own fears. At the Faeries I’ve lost my fears. Within a circle of mattresses and pillows, the talisman made its rounds, words been given and a sanctuary was created. It’s an ephemeral, mobile sanctuary. It arises in each circle, with those present speaking their truth knowing it will be heard.

I want to go on listening to what your words will tell me.

What I heard from you Faeries inspired me because it came from the heart. So I take those spun threads and begin weaving. I’m weaving with those threads a carpet and it will bring me to your hearts, as if I.SCH would be able to travel around with a flying one. Getting heard is like a kiss from a Muse, because the “it” speaks to you.

The collected words in the circle are a growing sequence, they last in our memory. Our totality is more than we could ever be on our own. The community takes the personal and therefore each word gets lifted to the common consciousness; something more spiritual than the self kisses the isolated. In common prayers, singing, chanting and all other forms of meditation each who practices hopes for this lifting of the self, which accepts them, embraces them and lifts them upwards out of isolation and therefore (in Catholic terms) becomes liberated from the earthly yoke. With this sweet and easy way with less liturgy in heart circle, each gets eased and lends wings to this change of levels. He becomes inspired. Magic happens. A sanctuary is built. •

werden aber eben auch gehört. Die vielen Ohren im Kreis hörten und ihre Augen zeigten ihre Herzen und somit den Boden auf welchen sie fielen. Die Bewegung Einzelner aus dem Kreis heraus und wieder hinein störte mich nicht, es wurde kein innerer Vorwurf durch eine vermeintliche Störung des Rituals laut, ich war beruhigt durch meine Neugier auf das was noch gesagt werden könnte. Ein Grundvertrauen gibt und wird vom Kreis angenommen. Die Möglichkeit für eine Entwicklung des Gesagten in diesem Kreis ist dann gegeben. Eine Gemeinschaft bildet sich daher bei den Faeries wohl auf magische Weise. Magisch kommt es uns vor, weil es so im Gegensatz zu dem steht, was wir aus unserer Nachbarschaft im Alltag kennen und global gesammelt als Nachrichten hören. Ist etwas in den Kreis gegeben, kommen Antworten.

Mir wurden Wünsche erfüllt, denn mir wurde zugehört. Nach der Woche auf Terschelling, bei der Fährfahrt gen Harlingen und weiter gen Amsterdam und Berlin, sah ich die Bilder von all den persönlichen Begegnungen vor meinem inneren Auge. Jeder fand seinen Moment für eine Antwort. Viele fragten nach und so kam ich mit den meisten ins Gespräch. Mit einigen geht der aufgenommene Dialog weiter - ein Faden spinnt sich.

Gerne gebe ich weiter in diesen Kreis, denn sein Ritus bezaubert mich. Er ist so hübsch sparsam, er liebt die Freiheit und macht wohl deshalb so reich. Grenzen sind uns nur durch die Schranken gesetzt, welche unsere Ängste aufstellen. (Das hört sich beim wieder Lesen gleich so an, als ob es schon von einem anderen so gesagt und von vielen wiederholt wurde.) Bei den Faeries war ich ohne Angst.

In einem Kreis aus ein paar verteilten Matratzen und etwas mehr Bequemlichkeit schaffenden zusätzlichen Kissen, bildete sich aus einem rundum gehenden Talismann ein Heiligtum. Es ist ein flüchtiges, ein mobiles Heiligtum. Es entsteht in dem jeweils gebildeteten Kreis, durch die Anwesenden, die sich mit ihren Worten einbringen, welche dann gehört werden. Ich will weiter hören, was mir eure Worte sagen werden.

Was ich von euch Faeries höre, begeistert mich, denn es kommt vom Herzen. So nehme ich die gesponnen Fäden auf und beginne zu weben. Ich webe mir aus diesen Fäden einen Teppich und dieser bringt mich in eure Herzen, als wäre ich I.SCH, fähig mit einem fliegenden Teppich meine Kreise zu ziehen.

Gehört zu werden ist wie ein Musen-Kuss, denn Es spricht zu dir.

Die im Kreis gesammelten Worte sind eine wachsende Reihe, sie haben in unserer Erinnerung Bestand. In ihrer Gesamtheit sind sie mehr als wir selbst sein können. Die Gemeinschaft lässt das persönliche in ihr aufgehen und damit widerfährt den einzelnen Worten im gemeinsam Gehörten ein Ebenen-Wechsel; etwas höheres als das Selbst küsst den Vereinzelten. Im gemeinsamen Gebet, Gesang und allen anderen Formen der Meditation erhoffen sich die darin Übenden, ein Erhören ihrer Selbst, welches sie annimmt, umarmt und durch die Aufnahme ins Ganze empor hebt, heraus holt aus der Vereinzelung und dadurch vom rein (katholisch:) „irdischen Joch“ befreit. In dem so herrlich ungestelzt daher kommenden und Liturgie armen Herz-Kreis wird der Einzelne durch diesen Wechsel der Ebene erleichtert und beflügelt. Er wird inspiriert.

Magie wird wahr - ein Heiligtum wird gebaut. •

Awkward and I Have Become Close Friends

by Gecko Jeff

“…When we were young we thought life was a game

But then somebody leaves you and you’re never the same…”

(from the song “Joy” by Phish)

Hi.My name is Gecko. I attended my first heart circle at my first faerie gathering during Beltane 1999 at Short Mountain. Before sending me off to Tennessee from the Bay Area, Indigo/Jacob had implored me to go to circle, saying something like, “It is the spiritual and emotional backbone of the gathering.”

About fifty of us sat under the pavilion, as it was raining. I listened earnestly as folks shared their experience, strength, and hope with one another – receiving their own healing and perhaps inspiring others’. I shared about my curiosity to explore sexuality, alternative relationships, and intentional queer community, as well as ritual and spirituality.

Though somewhat overwhelmed to be at my first faerie gathering, I felt comfortable in this space. I was at home in the outdoors with large groups of people. Having spent the previous ten years attending AlAnon 12-Step meetings for friends and families of alcoholics, I was privy to the healing power of telling one’s story.

What made this heart circle different than a 12 Step Meeting was the mixture of raw, heartfelt sincerity with irreverent, bedazzled frivolity. A fair number of folks in the circle were wearing the most hideous drag I had ever seen. Another difference was the amount of touching among the people in the circle: holding hands, holding hearts, heads in laps, arms over the shoulder, puppy piles, and cuddle puddles. For years I had yearned for a community of people who were unafraid to share love and affection with each other openly and generously. I felt grateful to be part of this sharing circle where I could touch and be touched on many levels. I knew already that heart circle would become an important part of my life; what I did not realize at the time was how it would also become complicated and challenging.

The radical faeries quickly became my primary tribe. Back in San Francisco

I started attending Monday night faerie yoga, which served many of my spiritual and community needs. In August 1999 when I visited Philadelphia with my boyfriend at the time for a cousin’s wedding, Lady Bartlett hosted a potluck dinner and sorbet circle in our honor. The Philly Faeries have a tradition of referring to the heart circle as a “sorbet circle” so as not to overwhelm or scare off folks and to be vegan-inclusive. After sharing, each faerie in the circle gets to take a big scoop of their choice of sorbet. I felt more at home in heart circle with this motley crew of almost-strangers than I did with my extended biological family at the wedding. The next year I participated in circles at the Wolf Creek Naraya 2000 where I connected deeply with some of my faerie big brothers: Edge/Link, Web, Rosette Royale, Stevee P, Willy Lapis, Rosie Delicious, etc. Most of these folks remain vital, powerful presences in the faerie community ten years later. In many ways I had found home in the faeries whether I was in San Francisco, Philadelphia, or Portland; Short Mountain, Wolf Creek, or Destiny.

In 2002 I moved to Philadelphia after the most devastating year of my life. I was changing careers and going back to grad school. Letting go of my community and social supports in San Francisco was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Somehow, I survived a months-long crushing depression that was triggered by 9-11 and the looming threat of these major life decisions. I had reached that point on the trapeze of life where I knew I had to release my hold on my current bar, but I could not yet clearly see the next one.

One of the people that got me through that incredibly difficult time was a new, romantic interest I had met on a business trip the previous year. He lived in Philadelphia and we maintained a casual, longterm relationship for a year and a half before I moved back East. Rather than run away from what could have been a deal-breaker for someone else, this guy demonstrated that he loved me regardless of my mood and supported me through some of my darkest moments. For that I will always be grateful.

Whenpeople ask why I left San Francisco for Philadelphia, I usually give three reasons: grad school, boyfriend, and the Philly Phaeries. Although I left grad school earning fifty percent less than I earned in San Francisco, I do not regret that decision at all. I am much happier in my new profession even if I could not afford to live in the Bay Area. The boyfriend and I spent a good seven years together. The Philly Faeries are still my primary community and social support. I have hosted many sorbet circles over the years and attended many more. Some of my most profound, inspiring, healing moments have occurred at sorbet circles, as well as at our weekly faerie yoga/potlucks. As I have navigated life’s inevitable ups and downs, the faeries have been there to celebrate and commiserate. I even named my house Mt Fairy Lodge, since I live in the Mt Airy neighborhood of Philadelphia. We had our most recent sorbet circle here for Imbolc/Brigid/ Groundhog’s Day.

Nevertheless, I have complicated feelings about heart circle these days. Specifically, I am conflicted about how we - as a community - deal with breakups. How do we balance the need for separation with the need for support and community? How do I share from the heart when the person about whom I need to vent is sitting across the room? Or even if s/he is not in the circle, how do I get support from a community we both share? Hmm... Now, how do I write about this without being too specific and sounding too bitter?

I welcomed both of my boyfriends into my faerie community even though it was challenging at times. The faeries were something I sought out as part of my life journey and path of personal healing. The community represented an integration of my progressive, hippie, eco-outdoorsy side with my urban, queer, edgy side. My ex-ex-boyfriend never really took to the faeries, so it was clear after our breakup that I would not likely run into him at most faerie events. After some awkward encounters with him at Burning Man 2000, I was grateful for this.

My most recent ex, however, has embraced not only my faerie community, but

a few of my other communities as well. This was great while we were a couple. I believed we were a healthy, well-adjusted, progressive, alternative, radical-faerie relationship. We generated enough love in our relationship to share with our communities selflessly and without jealousy. I felt like I had found the person with whom I would spend the rest of my life –someone with whom I could continue to grow and develop emotionally, sexually, spiritually. That is why I was so shocked and devastated when I realized two years ago that he was no longer on that same page with me.

Here is where the anger could erupt. He gave so many signs that we were committed: we owned a house together, we adopted a dog, and he even accepted a yearlong job at my place of employment. Whatever difficulties might present themselves, I felt confident we had the dedication and resources to deal with them.

I felt blindsided when I realized he had checked out of the relationship. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt trapped because not only were we living and socializing together, we were also working together. My life suddenly felt way too enmeshed. I realized I needed more boundaries, boundaries that had seemed so unnecessary a couple of years prior when our relationship felt solid. Slowly and non-linearly, I passed through the stages of grief – denial, fear, anger, acceptance, etc. – as I watched our relationship crumble.

My faerie friends nurtured me through this challenging time. One regularly invited me for walks in the Wissahickon Park. Another offered hours of cuddling. Another bought me a ticket to the Of Montreal indie rock concert on Halloween, so I would not have to run into the ex at the usual Halloween parties. It wound up being one of the best Halloweens of my life. I feel blessed and thankful to have such a strong, supportive faerie community in Philadelphia.

After so many years of never really experiencing jealousy, I was surprised at how powerful and consuming it could be. I questioned whether this whole faerie experiment in community-love and polyamory was really healthy or just a way to avoid the hard work of intimacy and commitment. I felt abandoned, betrayed, angry, lonely, and scared. The life I had cocreated and shared with my ex-boyfriend was gone. I was not sure I could afford to

live on my own after having shared living expenses for six years. I resented having to learn how to find sex dates online and having to go back to the singles dating market. I was sad that I had lost my best friend and frightened that I would not know on whom to count in an emergency. I anxiously wondered what he was doing and with whom. I was jealous that he did not want to include me.

Normally, I would speak from my heart about such things at heart circle. This special, sacred ritual had become my safe space to vent, to rejoice, to speak my truth – freely and without censorship. The last year of our relationship, though, I did not feel free to speak about these matters to anyone. I was hopeful that we would work things out and resume our idyllic relationship. Why upset so many others and expose the dirty laundry of our relationship unnecessarily? Why get my friends angry with my ex only to ask them to embrace him again once we reconciled? Even after I finally accepted that reconciliation was not possible and I started to open up to family and friends about the end of our relationship, I was reticent about sharing all this in heart circle.

On Facebook my ex friended not only my faerie friends but also my work colleagues. I had to accept that regardless of whatever professional boundaries I might like to maintain with my co-workers and students, I had no control over what he shared publicly via cyberspace. One faerie friend offered to be the equivalent of my AA sponsor. Whenever I felt the urge to call or visit my ex, he would talk me down. That helped save me from further disappointment and rejection a number of times. Unfortunately, my ex now lives at the epicenter of Philadelphia and our faerie community, so it is literally impossible to avoid running into him regularly if I want to maintain my connection to the faeries or the gay community.

How can we as a community best deal with these situations? I cannot be the first faerie who welcomed his partner into the community only to later face the awkwardness of enmeshed social circles when the relationship dissolved. My community has become his community. Naturally, he would want to maintain his relationships with his faerie friends and participate in the larger faerie community. Naturally, he would also need nurturance and support through the breakup process. Separation is difficult for everyone.

How can we both participate authentically in sorbet circle – speaking from the heart openly and freely – when the other person is sitting across the room? Sometimes, I have managed to make it through the awkwardness. Awkward and I have become close friends. But, I have found myself avoiding other heart circles this past year and many social events. Despite my best efforts to negotiate these boundaries and issues with my ex, we cannot seem to arrive at a resolution.

I would like to feel free to attend any faerie event or circle I desire. I would like to feel safe to share in these fabulous, intimate, boundary-blurring experiences with my faerie community. But, that has just not been possible yet when my ex is there. I try to avoid him, but he often does not let me know which events he will be attending. Nor, do I really want to know too many details of his life. It is just too upsetting. I feel especially sad when I see him with our mutual friends being the kind, thoughtful, generous person that he was with me for six years.

This experience makes me circumspect about inviting any new lovers or partners to join my faerie community. What if things do not work out? How safe will heart circle be when I have multiple ex-partners there? Yet, I also value sharing my communities and meaningful experiences with my significant others, and I can hardly control with whom my lovers connect. I believe in the abundance of love, and I believe that jealousy need not exist. I also know how grueling the past couple of years has been.

So how do we deal with this conundrum? I have spoken with many faeries who were once partnered with other faeries. Most of them had the luxury of getting some space and separation after their breakup to allow for healing. They cannot imagine what it would be like if they had to see their ex on a regular basis. While that distance might be psychologically beneficial for healing, it is just not an option in my situation apparently.

I have been eager to find a new way of relating in an amiable, platonic way. We stayed together for seven years, so there has got to be something we did right and that we need not throw away completely. Yet, I cannot keep opening myself up to what feel like more wounds. Aside from blocking him on Facebook (done!), what else am I to do?

This situation begs further discussion

on the value of meaningful, intimate relationships with one or a few people versus the value of relating with many people in community. I have often wrestled with this issue at gatherings. Should I spend time with a few, close people I already know and deepen our connection? Or, should I be open to meeting more folks and establishing interesting, diverse connections? Focus on the many or focus on the one? Focusing on the one confers many benefits, including a sense of security and stability. Focusing on the many offers benefits too, including a sense of freedom and independence. Although many folks have told me I am good at balancing the two, I realize you cannot have one without compromising the other.

Ironically, my ex seems to have encountered this issue in a poignant way. I maintain that the benefits of being in a committed, primary partnership outweigh the disadvantages, whereas my ex has embodied the opposite position. Nonetheless, he seems to have found a new boyfriend, who is also a new faerie. Sadly, his new boyfriend has been very ill this past fall and winter. While many folks in our community went to visit him in the hospital early in his illness, fewer folks were checking in when he was back

in the hospital recently. In a rare moment of connection (one of the “blessings” of a sick friend in the hospital is that it makes a breakup seem almost trivial), my ex revealed to me his disappointment and disillusion about this.

The idea that a community could replace a significant other in times of crisis like this is appealing. However, it usually takes one or two individuals to motivate and inspire the rest of the community to step up and take responsibility. Indeed, my ex has somewhat taken on this role of encouraging the rest of the community to support their sick friend. It seems much easier to count on a partner in times of crisis, since the roles are clearer. Relying on community is trickier, since it is easy to think someone else will take care of it. Consider how when you send an email to a group of people asking one of them to take care of some task, you tend to get fewer volunteers than when you make a personal request to one or two people. It is the same psychological principle that explains how someone could be mugged on a public street in New York City without anyone coming to his/her aid. Everyone thinks somebody else will help.

I am not sure I have any resolution or

A Heart Circle Story

by Steve Culbertson

InOctober 2006, I disclosed to my three young children, (Sarah, Maya and Gus), that I was gay. My divorce was final by July 2007.

I had become familiar with the Radical Faeries through my friend, Lady B. In search of connections within the Gay community of Philadelphia, I joined the Philly Faerie Listserv in September 2007. It took almost a year and a half of “lurking” before I felt comfortable enough to join in a “faerie” event. Being a somewhat shy individual and a homebody, I decided that the best way for me to make an approach to the Philly Faeries was to host an event at my home in West Philadelphia. On February 1, 2009, I hosted my first Potluck and Heart Circle celebrating the pagan holiday of Imbolc.

I scheduled the Potluck for 3:00pm on a Sunday. I was extremely nervous, as I literally did not know any faeries beyond Lady B (who, I knew ahead of time, would

not be attending). I sat for 30 minutes…45 minutes…got myself a glass of white wine…60 minutes…I began to think that I had been far too bold and that no one was going to show…then at 70 minutes or so, my first guests arrived. Over the next

recommendations at this time. I spent most of the past two summers on the West Coast as a way of creating some healing separation that I was not getting in Philadelphia. The way I handled our most recent potluck/sorbet circle was to make it clear to my ex that I was not comfortable with him coming to the home we once shared for such an intimate affair. As much as I hate excluding anyone, I need to protect myself.

Someday, I hope we can reconnect with the myriad ways we functioned well together: hosting game nights, potlucks, and wild parties; role-modeling generous affection, cooperation, and creative problem-solving; enthusiastically supporting what we believe in. We are not quite there yet.

I remain hopeful that time will heal our wounds and we will once again joyfully celebrate with each other in community. If any of you has ideas, suggestions, or anecdotes on how to move from breakup to this ideal within the context of our larger, faerie community, then I would appreciate hearing them. I hope this article speaks to at least some of your experiences and sparks some meaningful discussions at heart circles around the faerie multiverse. •

50 minutes another twelve men showed. I was greeted with hugs and kisses from complete strangers.

At 5:00pm, we started the Heart Circle. I asked if anyone would be willing to lead (I literally had NO idea how to lead a Heart Circle). Several faeries stepped up and led the Heart Circle.

What followed was an extremely moving period of sharing and intimacy as we opened our hearts to each other (as much as we were willing and able). We used my Haindl Tarot Deck for the reading, we passed my inverse Amethyst geode as the talisman. Men shared about lost relationships and unemployment, joy and love. There were tears and laughter.

I have been holding Heart Circles in my home on the Pagan holidays ever since. We celebrate the wheel of the year with each other. The Heart Circles remain a rare place of intimacy and connection in an increasingly fragmented world. •

Matt Bucy

Heart Circles: The Hearts of Radical Faerie Gatherings

by Rosemary for Remembrance, Steve Muchnick, Ph.D.

Forme, Heart Circles, when they work well, are quite simply the hearts of Gatherings and the highest embodiment of what Harry Hay called subject-SUBJECT consciousness. They bring together those of us who dare to speak from our hearts to our Faerie brothers and to listen to each other, as attentively as we can, with our hearts. They are opportunities to express pain and suffering, joy and transcendence, and whatever else we need to say and experience to those who will listen and, if they dare, share their feelings with the rest of us, often finding that what we say moves or resonates deeply with each others’ needs for expression. Heart Circles are opportunities to bare ourselves, sometimes physically, but almost always emotionally, and to be vulnerable in community.

Heart Circles in gatherings are also opportunities to find fae brothers with whom we need to share more privately or to hear from more privately or both. I think, especially, in this connection, of one Radical Faerie who, frankly, scared me, seemed very aloof to me, and seemed totally unapproachable until I heard him speak in a Heart Circle at a Breitenbush Gathering, and whom, when I finally heard him speak, I suddenly knew I could approach and talk with him companionably about what I had been projecting on him. I later did approach him and we found that he experienced me in a somewhat similar way, so that we had been at a literal mutual standoff from each other.

I have made almost as many new friends by following up with faes I heard speak in Heart Circles as I have in all the other ways I have in a gathering. Part of this for me is that I know very well that it is often easier for me to speak in a Heart Circle than it is to approach a fae brother who has intrigued me and I’ve wanted to get to know as a result than it is to do so without that prior connection. I’ve made many close friends from this two-step process and only occasionally found that

the second step didn’t work out.

Like Aristotle’s (and Broadway’s) program for a drama, a Heart Circle has a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning is the closing of the space to make it safe, often including a grounding ritual or meditation (certainly, every Heart Circle I have ever initiated has included this) and the setting of ground rules, primarily that what happens in the Circle stays in the Circle, and the introduction of a talisman. At the winter Breitenbush Gatherings, which are the only ones I have taken part in in recent years of the over 50 I’ve been involved in since 1979, the talisman almost always now is

ments, and finally will open the Heart Circle to the outside with a ritual that restores the balance of physical and speaking energy and, somehow, ultimately stops the communal outpouring, though it often leaves time for small groups to share within themselves in the waning minutes. Yet the Circle often is not really concluded at this point. The following lunch provides an opportunity for those who wish to continue, at a more relaxed pace, to form and renew friendships and to reflect on what’s been said and done in the Heart Circle.

The three times that I have been Queen Registrar or co-QR at Breitenbush, I have made certain that there would be time for a Heart Circle each morning by writing it in on the posted Gathering scheduling immediately when the paper was put up on the wall so as to make sure that I, and certainly many others, would get what we needed.

the resplendent “leave room for a miracle” shawl that Dancing Dragon (now the Lady Alyson) presented to us in 2001.

The middle consists of whatever we need to say, which sounds so simple but is really a complex interweaving of ourselves, our words, and our physical sharing.

The end consists of a recognition that time is drawing to a close—lunch is calling us! Usually, the person who had the privilege of closing the Circle will note the time, will invite any Faeries who have not yet taken the opportunity to speak to do so, will allow time for a few announce-

To answer for myself some of the questions listed on the RFD No. 140 page requesting articles about Heart Circles, I love the rich panoply of opportunities they make available for Radical Faeries; they work best for me when they flow as seamlessly as possible and no one is “on deck” waiting to share while the previous sharer speaks; I have certainly never fallen asleep during one; I have been honored to close and open them several dozen times; it is very rarely difficult for me to speak in front of my Faerie brothers (in fact, I am too likely to hog time, and this has been a challenge for me that I am working on); and I expect and hope that Heart Circles will continue as long as Radical Faerie Gatherings do.

Finally, I have three more things to write here. First not all the Heart Circles I have experienced have been during a gathering. In San Francisco, we used to have a relatively small weekly gathering at the home of one of the Radical Faeries that almost always included our version of a Heart Circle. The energy in most of

Keith Gemerek

them was often a pale shadow of what it could easily be during a gathering, and the primary reason for that is easily understandable: we had come together for an evening rather than nearly a week, and there just wasn’t time to build the energy and group connectedness that are essential to forming a really effective Heart Circle. I suppose we could have tried group hypnosis or something like that to raise the energy, but we never did. Out of my disappointment at the weakness of these Circles, I suggested to my lover and three friends that we form what we called the Deep Heart Circle that met almost weekly; unfortunately, because of our personal needs and issues, it generally was for me even more frustrating than the monthly Heart Circle and didn’t last more than a few months.

Second, I will unfortunately miss this February’s Breitenbush Gathering and its Heart Circles. I’ve been awarded a registration scholarship to CROI 2010, the annual biggest and best scientific HIV/ AIDS conference, which is coming to me ( I.e., to San Francisco) this year, unlike the last one I got to go to in Boston in 2008. That meeting starts very early the morning after the gathering ends. Since HIV prevention and treatment are what I’ve consciously chosen to devote the latter part of my life to first and foremost, the choice was not an easy one, but it was nevertheless a foregone conclusion that I would be there rather at Breitenbush with my Faerie brothers. I shall particular miss a Gathering for which Aaron Phoenix (for whose first Gathering I was QR) will be the QR.

In closing, I will write that I took part in my first Heart Circle before the Radical Faeries existed—I was involved in the 1970s in a community-building movement called TORI (Trust - Openness - Reification - Interdependence) that was in many ways like the Faeries, except that it included both queers and straight people. We had gatherings that included anywhere from 20 to 250 people and lasted from three days to a week. We had circles that were very much like Faerie Heart Circles, though certainly not identical, and the most powerful and treasured experience I had in any of them was recovering the ability to cry— whether sadness, joy, or whatever emotion brought my tears, something my father had trained out of me when I was in my early teens. •

The Journey

by Shokti

Hi Faes, I’m responding to your call for pieces on heart circle, saw your email on the eurofaerie list..... from Shokti, Lovestar of London.

Heart Circle is for me the principal faerie spiritual practice. It is where the spiritual component of discipline fits into an otherwise anarchic flowing faerie gathering in order to make the event whole, luscious and well-lubricated. If I do not go to heart circle and listen then I hardly know the people I’m gathering with. By going to circle I find our where connections lie for me, learn who is going through parallel life experiences, and I get to feel the full range of emotions existent within myself, by hearing and empathizing with the stories of my brother and sister faeries.

A friend tells me that he only feels the need to go to the opening and closing circles of a gathering. I feel he is missing the best part, the journey itself, a journey we have collectively agreed

to embark upon by gathering. He is missing the chance to find out who in the company he has special resonances with.

It can be a challenge to turn up for circle every day. The mind may well be protesting that the experience can get boring! That’s where the element of discipline has much to offer. A bit of discipline is good for the soul, ask any fan of S&M..... If the mind is complaining then we are not present, the SELF is not attending to the moment. Focussed attention in circle brings us more into the moment and therefore more present at the gathering. Heart Circle is the spiritual core of any gathering. And what’s more, our ability, and our willingness, to listen to each other is one of the principal characteristics that distinguishes us faeries from mainstream life and stands as an example to rest of world that humans can listen to each other and create through harmony! •

Shy Circle

by Shiloh

I’ve been participating in Heart Circles at Gatherings for 6 years. They are a deep comfort to me, more than I can express. I am deeply sensitive and can begin to feel isolated when surrounded by constant small talk and chitter chatter. I have social anxiety and long for deeper connection. Heart Circle is a place I can go where I know I can find the depth and honesty I am seeking. The supportive structured environment gives people permission to open up and the honesty that flows lets many of us know we are not alone in our struggle to find courage to blossom. I notice that other people who seem very shy and socially withdrawn find opportunities to speak up at Heart Circle and they share the most precious jewels of wisdom and insight. I believe that without Heart Circle, these

“shy” people and myself would seldom or even never find an opportunity to share their wisdom. Tender sensitive people need the structure of safety and respect that Heart Circle offers or else risk being laughed at or ignored in the din of shallow chitter chatter. I believe those who shrug off the beauty and necessity of Heart Circle are avoiding depth and honesty and I consider them cowards. THAT RIGHT, I SAID IT! It’s one of the only consistent practices in faerie culture that allows space for genuine human connection. Consistent is a key word here; consistent and deliberate. May it continue and spread beyond faerie and may us shy folks find the courage to stand up to those who would try to shame the beauty and power of the HEART CIRCLE! •

The Bonfire

red and yellow and blue crackling embers and logs, sparks fly into the night dancing round and round, some sit and others cannot the drumbeat pounds the head as one voice then others begin a chant rhythmic dancers joined with voices and fire emotions run high as humanity is set aside and something deeper is conjured forth through the flame the dancers leap first one and then another the smell of singed hair and smiles all round the flame penetrating deep into consciousness, mundanity left behind a lone figure sits apart, drawn by fire and dance and drum he is in solitude, longing to become one with those gathered yet...strangely quiet and withdrawn... he recalls a time when he danced with abandon, children and wife watching happily something deeper called him, a spirit quest for his truth the result... that all is now gone...reduced to ashes in the pit of fire but truth remains...his spirit stronger than death of identity he is queer. and so as the drum continues and the full moon ascends to the heavens his new community calls...gay men, trans men and a few lesbians dancing naked round a fire the time has come...he shakes off his loneliness and enters the light shedding all as he steps forth into the circle to join the dance his eyes shining with tears...he has come home.

– Steve Culbertson

Circling

Circling my heart in the heart of a circle with truth clearly spoken, lies turn to dust...our spirit unbroken, begets a spiral ascending each point sprung from its place, to rise in a vortex of trust, compassion and grace.

–pjg aka wow 1/11/10 Berkeley CA be the blessing

8th Concession

The view from over here on the 8th concession is:

A ‘Heart Circle’ can be anything from a silent acknowledgement of one and other {my preference} to a knock-down drag-out whine fest... {in which case I’ll wash dishes or slice & dice if need be}. Anyone else have input?

–Hugs, Howard “Howie Sue” Ish

Heart Circle

by Jaybird

Thebest: The novelty of them in the ‘early days’ where we came to open up to each other about deep hurts and ongoing struggles. We looked into each other’s eyes with a sense of “knowing” that was inherently healing. Circles allowed us to rejoice in being together through intimate conversation. They shook off the damage that came from keeping secrets, from being made to feel negatively different, and from constantly having feared rejection. They helped to exorcize internalized shame.

When they work well: For me, Heart Circle works best when the participants relate to the Circle as a whole and see themselves as a spoke on the wheel. It requires letting go of personal agenda and really listening to each other. Sharing things that relate to the flow the Circle has embarked upon. I love when the emotional tone of a Circle grows as the talisman is passed from person to person. Each member of the Circle builds on the previous sharing, linking together

Let It Rip

by Butterfly

Ialwaysfeel very nervous in the heart circle as the amulet (talisman) starts to be passed closer and closer to me. But as I hear people sharing in just an ordinary way, about vulnerable and personal things, I feel calmer and fortified when my turn comes up. Then I just let it rip with whatever struggle is closest to my heart, and it just pours out and then it’s done. I always feel it’s so good to let people know the true me in those moments and just be real.

I’m a psychologist, and in my work I help other people do it. It’s hard for me myself to be honest sometimes in my own life, but heart circles help me talk, I guess because everybody else there is doing it too! •

thoughts and feelings in an organic way. Building a whole which emerges from the conversation.

Heart Circle has also been a great forum for working through community tensions and interpersonal squabbles, particularly when a tone of patience can be elicited at the beginning by whoever calls or initiates the circle.

I’ve enjoyed recent Heart Circles when a thematic thread is offered or divined (as by drawing a tarot card for people to contemplate) which can kick-start discussion and seems to facilitate a group connection more easily.

When they don’t work so well: Too often, they become a circle of random spilling about the emotional dramas of the week or of the moment. This lends itself to becoming more self-indulgent, which gives me less to connect to.

Sometimes I think that Heart Circles should be held more as a special occasion and not on a routine basis. Absence makes the Heart grow fonder. •

Totnes Circle

by Ladslove

Thisweek end in Totnes in Devon, England 5 or 6 of us will get together for about thirty-six hours in total. Two of our Faeries have not attended a larger gathering. We get up to a variety of hijinks, some frivolous and some serious. Its the practice of heart circle that pulls us into shape as a group, as far as I am concerned otherwise we could be any group of people with some things in common.

We don’t meet often, but we’ve been meeting for about four years. Looking into our inner most feelings and daring to give them voice lets us find aims for the time together and risks that we might not be aware we want to take.

There’s always something ‘’edgy’’ in our mini-gatherings. Sometimes having set these up way ahead of time, we are often not in the mood, for being together, its always the heart circles that work their magic as we come to trust and empathize, yet again. Best wishes. •

Michael Goettee

Man as Harmonious Instrument

by Martin Kennedy

Iaminvolved with the Boston-Cambridge (MA) Radical Faeries and have participated in several Heart Circles and sponsored one at my home. I am also a practicing Witch and lead Labyrinth workshops. I add that to put some perspective on the experience in a Heart Circle I am moved to describe. Twelve of us met at a home in Cambridge (Gawen) and had a most satisfying time in the Circle, snuggling in together. Most of us overtly male gendered but a few female as well, although all of us more Queer than anything. I think we used as a talking stick a special carved phallus from New Orleans with a very unique aspect of a white veil. I think it is a voodoo tool but to be sure it gives off a strong vibe.

Upon concluding, we all circled up with arms over each others shoulders, not knowing this particular stance I was pleased when I heard a beautiful vocal tone from one member which, as it was passing around the circle, changed in harmonics and pitch as each person received the tone. It circled several times and somewhat magically, slowly and methodically went silent. I felt lifted and spiritually connected by this experience and it was so visceral that I can actually bring back the feelings I got at any time when I need some deep sense of intimacy and connection. It was very powerful.

As an adult survivor of sexual molestation and spiritual abuse, I am working to fine safe ways to rebuild my feelings of safety and male intimacy and this was a tremendously healing experience. •

Sticks & Stones

By Paulo

If dreaming about a bike stand at the beach is not radical then I suppose I become so when I do something about it.

A gardening iconoclast who doesn’t feed off sacred cows yet encourages their decomposition, so that new life forms and diversity may flourish. If a faerie is attracted to mushrooms (inc. male spores) then count me in.

I love the way they appear, like ideas apparently, from nowhere, to become substantial, delicious and desired.

If heart is about speaking truth, and circle is communication, then I give myself no choice, for the darkness of the closet is just too scary.

My pride is in being cunty in the face of the disingenuous, ignorant and insincere.

It all seems to be working well, thanks.

I think most gay men would benefit from learning assertive behavior. I attended a workshop about five years ago. One of the things I learned is that you can’t change the world, yet you can change your world. It’s true, too. When you communicate assertively, respecting others’ space, they open up, and the transformation is great.

These days I’m more sensitized to posturing and chest beating and breast weeping.

For a long time I struggled with “sticks and stones,” not so much that part, but the “names will never hurt” bit.

Because they did.

Ironic, eh, that faggot is a bundle of sticks. How funny is that? Calling someone a bunch of sticks.

Makes me smile, as does news of the 30th anniversary of the national gathering. May everything good happen again.

Kia ora from Aotearoa

Retooling a Tribal Technology

by Alwyn de Wally

Theheart circle is a device that needs retooling for our age and for our community. As an apparatus for conflict resolution it is more suited to the 12th century than to the 21st. It requires the parties in conflict to sit together at leisure, face to face, until the conflict is resolved. Radical Faeries today cannot often do that. We are not a tribe that travels together; we’re widely dispersed; and we often carry our animosities with us. What can we do about that? Heart circle on Facebook? Do conference calls on Skype?

Let’s assume we can overcome that obstacle. Even now we do sometimes gather; we do find ourselves face to face with those we have issues to work on. Still, we do not all know how to work the device we call heart circle. Some of us aren’t good at speaking about our feelings. Some of us aren’t good at getting down to the level of feeling them. (A lot of boys are strongly discouraged from doing just that.) Some of us can feel them all right, but are afraid of expressing them. What can we do about all that? Can there be heart circle training?

And what of the fact that many of us never try to speak to those feelings even when the opportunity is at hand? Most of us—the vast majority of us, it seems to me—never sit in heart circle at gatherings. What good is an apparatus for conflict resolution that the parties in conflict never put to use? What good is a device

for community building that most members of a community never employ?

More to the point, why do so many Radical Faeries never employ it? Why do some Faeries even cringe at the mention of a heart circle? We can’t blame that entirely on emotional illiteracy or machismo. Heart circles can drag on. They can have a lot more to do with head than with heart. They can be confrontational—at times even incomprehensible. Do we need to redesign the device? Do we need to develop a User Manual for it?

As things are, it would seem we expect the device to work like magic: Simply sit in a circle, pass a talisman, refrain from cross-talk and speak from the heart; everything else will take care of itself. Will it? I believe in magic, but that’s expecting an awful lot. Doesn’t it matter whether the participants have experience with the procedure? Doesn’t it matter whether there are elders present? Doesn’t it matter whether there’s someone whose role is to remind speakers to talk about their feelings rather than their thoughts, or to keep a focused heart circle on topic?

How can we retool this tribal technology to make it more serviceable for our community today? At its best, a heart circle can be a healing and a revelatory experience, opening our eyes to new insights into the working of our companions’ hearts and our own. How can we make that experience more likely? •

Matt Bucy

All About Heart Circles

by Mohabee Serrano

Based upon many years of participating in heart circles, here’s how I find they work:

Goals

A heart circle is an intentional gathering of like-minded people held in an informal setting, with the purpose of sharing from the heart. As the name implies, participants sit in a circle. After the circle begins, one may move from one position to another, or leave the circle, as one is led. Newcomers to the circle can join anytime during the time the circle is active.

Leadership

Usually one person is chosen to facilitate (either self-chosen spontaneously, or perhaps this is planned in advance). Sometimes a tarot card is pulled to offer a spiritual reading to the gathered circle. Other times, a topic or focus might be suggested. Once the circle starts it typically has a “life of its own,” and there is no further need for the facilitator to “be in charge.” Sometimes at gatherings, a group might collectively begin a circle without a facilitator using the traditional format that all participants understand.

Safety

Everyone is expected to remain confidential about what is said and done within the circle. It is not for discussion outside of the circle, or to be a topic of gossip or loose conversation. The rule of confidentiality and safety keeps each circle unique, secure and discretionary. I’ve shared and also heard the heartfelt voices that could not possibly have been heard in a different setting. There is no topic or way of expression that is “off limits” in a heart circle–with the exclusion of violence or hateful speech. A heart circle is about one person speaking, and all the others listening. No cross-talk or conversations on the side are allowed.

Method of Sharing

This is really up to the conscience of the group. Some heart circles pass a talisman from one person to the next, all the way around the circle, while other

heart circles might employ a “pop-up” method, where the person who wants to share can simply grab the talisman from the center of the circle and then hold it while he speaks. Though everyone in the circle is encouraged to speak freely, those who have nothing to say, or simply “don’t want to share,” are welcome to pass the talisman to the next person, or simply listen.

I recall one focused heart circle at a men’s gathering (not a Faerie event), where the leader actually picked out the

Beginning the Heart Circle

Often, the facilitator suggests the method of sharing, then allows each person in the circle to introduce himself. Other introductory activities, such as tarot card or rune stone readings may be made. The leader makes the “rules” clear, so that the circle operates in a manner that allows as many who want to share to do so, within any possible time constraints.

During the Heart Circle

Some circles are self-guided, while others are led by someone. Typically, there are two or three rounds in a heart circle. The talisman is passed from one to another until it is put into the center and is no longer picked up or no one is sharing.

Sometimes less is more. As long as the voices can be heard, there’s something magic about simply sharing and listening. Seeing the person share, or watching others while one shares, is definitely a plus, but is sometimes not possible in larger circles. Heart circles held outdoors at night simply have moonlight or less, so seeing is neither possible, nor necessary, in these circles.

next speaker, then the person speaking chose someone else when he was done. Again, the method of sharing is really up to the group’s consensus.

The talisman identifies who is speaking, and gets passed to the next speaker, when the present speaker is finished. No one but the person holding the talisman speaks. The talisman is an object, sometimes a “found” item, like a rock with a unique shape, a stick that has a vibration, a brassy candle holder, or even a festive belt buckle!

Large or small, heart circles add value to one’s life. I’ve been to large circles, in which two concentric rings of participants made the circle more conducive to everyone being heard, though one in the back circle might only be heard and not seen.

I sometimes close my eyes, and listen–the voice may be familiar, or it might be from a new person. The shared content might hit my heart strings, or it might not. The story someone shares might be a fragmented piece, convoluted by details that are remembered in the moment, or someone might be clear and real about what he’s sharing. No matter what is heard, and how one presents one’s story, it’s all about the community of Faeries present in the circle.

Silence is often felt and the circle can get quiet. This is one of the few times many in the circle get to really witness silence, which may not occur very often in their lives. Silence during a heart circle is a blessing. Those who attend heart circles know it’s best to treat silence reverently, and to practice patience. Rarely does someone break the silence that might occur in a circle.

Michael Goettee

The Vessel

by SwampLily

Ending the Heart Circle

After seeing that either the time has come (as in a scheduled workshop), or there is little more being shared, the facilitator may then thank everyone for sharing and listening, invoke the confidentiality of the circle, and then close the circle with a group hug or some other form of physical interaction.

Duration of a Heart Circle

Some Heart Circles last one or two hours and have a specific beginning and ending time; others might be started at daybreak and continue through the day, ending at dusk. I’ve attended a “drop in” form of heart circle, which is begun at the onset of a gathering. It is held in a sacred location, so that no other activity takes place there. The heart circle “acts” as a retreat for some, but remains “one person speaking, all others listen,” during the course of an entire gathering.

Amongst the many heart circles I have attended, a few stand out:

* My first, at the 15th California Men’s Gathering, in 1989. This was led by “Blu,” who identified himself as a “Radical Faerie,” and was my inspiration to find Faerie gatherings and to identify myself as a Faerie.

* A heart circle, in which one of the participants fainted! The leader stopped the sharing, in time to help bring the fainted one “back to life.”

* My first heart circle at Zuni in 1999. This was the first time I experienced a tarot card reading, prior to the sharing portion of a heart circle. It was really cool, since the cards had naked men on them!

* My first heart circle at Wolf Creek in 2004. This was held under “Grandmother Maple” tree and was the most enchanted setting for any heart circle I have attended.

* My first heart circle at Oz Faerieland, in Nimbin, NSW, Australia. The Aussie folks have a different approach to heart circles, one that allows the circle to continue for a full day, during which one can enter or exit at will. •

Blessed be!

My experiences in heart circle have been as varied as the people attending and the places they were held. I have laughed ‘til my stomach hurt, I have been profoundly moved, I have been brought to tears, I have been angry, I have slept soundly, I have rolled my eyes and prayed “God/dess please make her stop” and I have also prayed “Thank you God/dess for this gift.” I have felt like I had been taken hostage, and I have felt like I was attending some guerrilla theater performance. I have seen transformations happen and great healing take place, felt raw, unbridled emotion both happy and sad. I like smaller circles as opposed to larger ones. And through all this I have learned that heart circle certainly is a mixed bag, and you never know what you are going to get.

I have also seen that no matter how the circle is set up, no matter what kind of preparation or introduction as to the purpose of heart circle and the ideal of sharing your truth from your heart, there are those who see it only as a dumping ground, a garbage pit; that place to bring all the refuse of troubled minds. A place for the drama queens to emote. How many times have I heard folks talk about a happy and joyous life, and these same folks come to heart circle and tell tale after tale of woe and tragedy. There are those who I would truly believe their lives to be in tatters if my only experience of them was what they said in circle. Why

is it that some Faeries can only seem to cough up bile for heart circle? Why can they not share joy with equal urgency?

I am the first to admit that sometimes we are just in a bad place, going through a rough stretch. Sometimes we just need to say the ugly stuff out loud and take some of the juice away from it. Sometimes just saying the words can lead to profound insights as to how to move through the situation or can elicit helpful words of encouragement from others after circle is over.

These are not the times of which I speak. I am referring to the times that I see Faeries laughing and joking, being light right up until they take the talisman. And then the tears and the wailing start. They are turned on and off like a spigot. It feels like an audition for a fierce dramatic tragedy, and hard as I look, I can find no heart. More times than not it will go on and on and on. To these Faeries, heart circle seems like a drug. There are not many other times when you find yourself with the undivided (ideally) attention of a room full of people whose only job (ideally) is to sit quietly and listen to you with an open mind and an open heart. I see it as a rare and precious gift, one given freely and gladly and not to be squandered or taken lightly. As Faeries, we have created a vessel with which to love and honor each other, to know each other intimately. Why would any of us want to abuse that? •

Michael Goettee

Acircle of Trust where words spoken from the heart are shared in confidence while listening from the heart forms a practice that encourages patience and greater compassion, the sister of greater understanding, while honing our intrinsic empathic relationship with All that Is...this is heart circle for me.

A forum designed to explore our life experiences and our inner workings, our hopes and fears, through our laughter and tears, without being judged or ridiculed or made to feel in any way less than...a circle that can bring the love that lies hidden beneath layers of hurt back to the pulsing breathing heartbeat of our daily life where, with care, it can become strong and self assured, poised to embrace whatever life offers with grace and tenderness. A sacred circle in which to share our stories and thereby weave greater connections between ourselves and our world. There is no inflated ego in this circle, only the makings of truth and honesty in ever growing clarity and kinship.

Easy to write these words...the greater challenge is to walk the thought.

Yet we must make the efforts for we are lost without our heart connections as the heart is the source of true loving intelligence that transmits its knowing to the brain where action or further contemplation may take place. Without this flower of love in bloom our thoughts and deeds are often false re-

Healing Space

by Patrick James Geise aka WoW

flections made toxic by the suppression of our emotions and the distrust that our culture breeds in this petri dish we call our world.

I am told that all things project an invisible force called the electro-magnetic field and that science has found ways to measure this emanation. I am also told that the invisible emanation of the heart is known to be many times great-

hear the stories of those with whom we circle is to take in the medicine of the heart. To heal our wounds by revealing them to the open air. To share our joy and thereby nurture joy in those around us. To be brave in our silence as well as our words and to be made whole anew from the fragments of our dismembered selves. All this in Trust, not to mention fantastic drag, knowing the circle will not betray us. For the heart cannot abide deceit and thrives on the beauty truth reveals no matter how ugly it may seem.

To trust to share. To offer and to receive in reciprocity. To be encouraged to nurture, not starve, our often bruised and battered heart songs...this is the power of healing I find in the center of this thing we call Heart Circle and I am glad for it and Know it in my heart to be a powerful tool for growth and restoration.

er than that of the brain. How many times greater cannot yet be told as the instrumentation is not yet capable of following the radiant field of the heart to its end, if indeed it has one. What, I wonder, does this suggest in regards to the vital role our heartbeats play in the living of our lives. Much more than a marvelous pump, I feel the heart possesses a far greater source of highly sensitive influence or knowing than that of our brain, lovely intricate instrument of reason and creativity though it be.

To sit quietly with open hearts and

Heart Circle

The Sangoma people of South Africa define their word for Power as, that which heals. I suggest we do the same and take back the power we have given away. Let the healing power of the Heart Circle permeate our lives that we may shed our lies, reveal our authenticity, and cleanse and restore the knowing of our souls thus preparing ourselves to give birth to thoughts and actions that serve ALL of Creation in good and wonderful ways. For we are the ones we have been waiting for and we do make a difference in ways both large and small.

Loving healing, healing our bodies. Loving healing, healing our souls. •

Heart Circle is fighting to stay present and not plan my monologue Heart Circle is a good time for foot rubs Heart Circle is being deeply moved Heart Circle is trying not to fall asleep when someone has hijacked the circle Heart Circle is hilarious

Heart Circle is adrenaline when I don’t know if I can voice what is in my heart Heart Circle is tears of release

Heart Circle is Oh shit, I forgot my dick. Will I still be heard?

–Nikira, Santa Cruz

To sit quietly with open hearts and hear the stories of those with whom we circle is to take in the medicine of the heart

Cobra’s Carvings

My journey as an artist began with my mother bestowing her creativity to me. I lived near a pine forest in Massachusetts. I began to carve wood as a youngster. Self taught, with the scars to prove it. I studied at the Museum of Fine Arts school in Boston. I went there for two years. I went to California on vacation and never left.

These carvings, inspired by the Radical Faeries, are an expression of the divine through sex. Timeless love. Ritual pieces, they are also a celebration of the seasons: winter, spring, summer and fall. •

www.artbycobra.com

Photography by Kwai

Iwill always love circle, just as I will always hang around the kitchen, because it is about something I can hope to understand and performs a fundamental service. I may bow to the East, curtsy to the North and bless the spirit of the babbling brook...but these are abstract concepts: people and tofu lasagna, because they both talk back, these I can understand.

Often in circle we hear a person’s troubles, their lament. There is august dignity in performing this simple service for someone, hearing them out. The fact that they can not be interrupted while holding the talisman creates safety for the speaker...and saves us from witty repartee. Once, a speaker was afraid to bore the circle and thought to curtail his saga. Agnes said, “You just go right on, honey. This is our PBS”.

Street Candy

by David Wright

The beauty of circle is that one can walk away. There’s never a need for mounting frustration. Afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Stand behind a tree for a moment and everyone will understand. The only time I ever became annoyed in circle is when once a person was on his back, eyes closed, mumbling away. I asked him to speak up, please, and in return got a patronizing mini-lecture on how “it’s not so important to hear everything said in circle, it’s just as much about speaking and”...and there I turned off. If it’s not about being heard, honey, then don’t waste my time while my ass gets dewey. Write a book.

Once, a year after 9/11, a person gave vent to his fears of another attack on New York. He had the air of a prophet, uttered dire warnings. I

thought there could be the potential for panic spreading as he went on at length; but no, the talisman passed and that was that. Next! No comment. No panic. No disrespect. Perfect!

Afraid of playing for drama, but also afraid of betraying the spirit of honesty, I once and at last revealed to the circle that not everything was fine in Chris’ and my little world. We were leaving Destiny to attend the grieving family of a suicide. Someone with whom we’d spent many a Christmas Eve now stained the wall. Like magic, Daisy suggesting a spiral embrace. The circle swirled and twisted us up into its’ center. Soon Chris and I were enfolded in warm, silent comfort as more emotion than we knew we contained emerged. If only our late friend could have experienced this. •

I Want To Die In Heart Circle

by William Stewart

Iwant to die in heart circle. Life arises out of stillness, and when my time comes, I want to be lovingly witnessed as I sink back down into that eternal well of silence that is always at the center of our vessel.

Silence begets listening. At first, sitting in circle, I hear a sequence of different voices, each telling a unique story, distinct and individuated. But then, after a while, the strands begin to weave together, so that while I still hear the distinctness of each thread, I also start to see it all as the ebb and flow of life.

Like everybody else’s, my own individual thread is linear. My lifetime had a beginning, and it will have an end. But the circle is eternal; it revolves in cosmic time, like the seasons and the stars. It braids our finite stories into the universal stillness at its heart.

The circle existed before I was born, and it will continue long after I am gone. What a gift, to surrender my unique and fraying lifeline into the weave! To

enter free-fall, knowing that whatever disintegrates is merely ego, and that the circle will accept me as I am, without judgment or problem-solving.

In circle I am part of the tribe. Here I understand: it is not my singular life that matters, but rather, the life of the greater whole. My experience takes on

bris. Heart circle brings me back there, into the collective embrace of tribe, of soil, of seas, of spirit, where safety and substance inhere.

The circle expands with each heart’s sharing. It invites me to drop into the core of my soul, into the heart of the world. It invites me to die a little bit each time we sit together, so that my narrow and isolating sense of self can break apart and fuse with everything that is.

purpose and meaning in the context of a shared reality that’s cyclical and infinitely elastic. In circle I rediscover a basic human birthright, which our spiritually bankrupt modern culture denies to the psyches it has colonized: I know myself to be secure in an ever-changing, ever-balanced universe. Before empire, before agriculture, our ancestors knew this essential truth, now shattered by ten millennia of accruing ego and hu-

With each passing moment, I come closer to my final breath. New life, new stories will be renewing the fabric, even as I fade toward silence. Carry me in, lay me down gently near the fire. Here, at last, I can relinquish my failing body and wounded psyche, knowing that everything recycles, joining the earth, the ancestors, the spirits. Sing me out, oh my beloveds! Twine me into the eternal basket, the vessel of our collective heart, the circle of the cosmos. Lower me into the well of stillness, witness me as I take my leave. I want to die in heart circle. •

In circle I am part of the tribe.

The Death and Rebirth of the NYC Heart Circle or There’s No Place Like Home

by Delphi

Islipped into the Bluestockings for the release party of the RFD Reclaiming issue. Bluestockings were not part of my attire. It’s an “infoshop/activist bookstore/ café run by volunteers and worker owners as a collective. This women’s bookstore dedicated to social justice is a safe haven for us queer folk to do our thing.

I was running on rainbow time and entered upon a circle, or rather, some kind of oblong form where everyone was standing together holding hands and being led to breath deeply. I tip toed in, welcomed by some smiles and eyes.

Covelo, Endora and Lobelia read parts of the articles they wrote (summer 2009), followed by a heart circle. And the stories really began.

I didn’t know that the Radical Faeries were born around the same time as the Reclaiming Tradition of Witchcraft, and kind of grew up next to each other, inspiring each other. The room was full of folks sharing stories of activism with Starhawk, moments with Harry Hay, the first faerie gathering , and even stories of stonewall!

The talisman moved widdershins, or counter clockwise, and caused a bit of a stir. It was fitting, though, as we circled back thru time (10 years of Destiny, 30 years of faeriedom and 40 years since Stonewall). This was sharing history, and herstory.

Of all the things spoken that night, the thing that really hit me was when Covelo talked about that sense of “being home” that washes over you in faerie space. I hear that all the time. “Welcome home!” at camp, and “I feel so at home.”, or “there’s no place like home.” I remembered, from day one, this was true for me too.

My first faerie experience was a heart circle at the LGBT Center in NYC about 6 or 7 years ago, I can’t remember exactly. (Faerie years are the opposite of dog years, 7 years feels like only 1 J) I kept looking at the little blurb in the Center guide for the Radical Faeries, wondering what the hell it was. I was a pagan looking for queer folks to practice magic, and this seemed like it could be on the right track. With out knowing anything about

them, I followed that little tingling inside and showed up.

I came into a room of total strangers, some stranger than others. Christopher who was leading the circle at the time came right up to me with a warm welcome, the kind that you don’t usually receive in New York. As a New Yorker, I am suspicious of extreme friendliness. But Christopher was sincere. He was in a platinum blonde bob, and cherry lipstick around a huge smile of southern hospitality. That was nice, and it melted the ice, but it wasn’t when I felt at home.

It was in the middle of the heart circle, I suddenly realized that I was completely relaxed in my own body. I’m not used to this at all, but it felt damn good. How did it happen? Was it being in queer space, some weird magic, or was it that some folks were bordering on the outrageous, making it ok to be whatever I am? I don’t know, but I was unexpectedly and sensuously comfortable in my own skin. I was home.

There was talk about a faraway place called Short Mountain, where some wild Beltane celebration happens. They talked about going there, as if it were Oz. Being at Short Mountain during Beltane would blow your mind, open your heart and give you the courage to be yourself. When it was time to collect some money for rent of the room, no hat was passed. Christopher waved his hand toward a huge tent that he had erected and told us to throw money into it. It was a prosperity spell for those who were trying to get to the Mountain. It was fun. We drummed and danced. Some folks were dancing naked, and everyone, including myself, acted like that was the most natural and normal thing in the world. (cause it is!)

The circle was good, but it was the sense of “being home” that kept me coming back. The circles helped me to relax and breathe freely, to speak and know I was heard, and be able to listen in return. I become witty and played with words, and laughed. I flirted, I touched and was touched. What a relief to leave my ”self”

behind and relax into my SELF.

Ok, I know this sound cheesy, but my heart opened. Yes, indeed. Radical Faeries space, with all it’s complications, challenges and personalities, makes me feel at home, and as our friend Dorothy tells us, “There’s no place like home.” It’s true.

I made it to almost every heart circle. They were held monthly at the Center. I was still too timid to go to faerie parties and events. I don’t know what I though would happen. I had imagined these wild Bacchanalian situations, with lots of drugs and fucking and puking rooms, and I didn’t know if I was ready for it, but heart circles I could do.

The simple magic of the heart circle worked its way with me. I love how a little flake of an idea can become an overall arching giant snowball rolling around the room. Or times when someone is able to share, and catharses happens. Or the love and healing wishes being sent to folks not at the circle. Or someone pointing out something curious to mentally chew on. Or something profound. Or simply giggles and laughter and joy abound.

One night and intense discussion broke out that lasted about four hours. I noticed that four very fixed opinions and personalities had emerged and they were sitting opposite each other, like four points of a square. As an Astrologer, I recognized that we manifested a Grand Cross (when four points are in four near perfect 90 degree angles). This was also happening in the stars at that very moment! I was amazed. That was the night Christopher, exacerbated, announced that he was letting go of leading the circle, and letting go of NYC altogether to move to Short Mountain. Not all circles are easy.

After he departed, John Collis took up the torch. He and a few regulars, like Nancy and Sally, kept the circle happening. But interest from the community was dying out. Somehow along the way, an idea was floating around: The new Center wasn’t like the old Center, and fae folks didn’t like being there. Maybe it was because the price of rent went up, or

because the place was remodeled, or the high drama that stirred at the last open ritual, or perhaps because some faerie said so, I don’t know.

The Faeries had a long history of meeting at the center, but this chapter was coming to an end.

Sometimes when John couldn’t make it, some of us, myself included, would step up. Those circles were small, but they were great circles. There were usually about 3 to 8 faeries. They fed my soul.

One time the circle was this new guy and me, that’s all. “What’s Radical Faeries?” he asked. Damn, I still don’t know how to quite answer that question. Lately I’ve been saying something like, the crossroads where queer spirituality, queer politics, queer community, and/or social events meet. Sometimes it’s all of this, sometimes none, but it’s an adventure with a touch of madness, freedom and joy. I don’t know. Do you?

You know, it doesn’t matter if you know or not. It doesn’t matter if you know the history or were part of the history, or created the Faeries, or were another set of folks who also created the Faeries, or spent years living at a camp, or built the camp. It doesn’t matter if you marched on Washington, or pulled that meter out of the ground at Stonewall, never wore a dress, or simply arrived at your first circle, the magic is in our blood. All you have to do is sit and breathe and listen and laugh and touch and look in the eyes, and you know, you are home.

us? Why were folks who didn’t even come to the circle having a say? But it was getting to the point that a small few of us were carrying the circle, and the cost of the center was pressing upon us, and honestly, although I didn’t want to admit it, it wasn’t working anymore.

I put out a call for one last heart circle, to see if we could invigorate the circle at the center to grow….it didn’t. (though we did have a beautiful last circle there) The winds of change had already blown, and folks wanted to try something new, which was apparently something old. People used to have fabulous parties at their homes, I had heard. But with the cost of rent skyrocketing in the city, people were moving to the outer edges of the city, making it harder to gather.

I think Daisy was one of the first to have a heart circle/pot luck/drum circle/ party, and had a huge turnout. Another party happened at Heathcliffs, with the stipulation of no heart circle, which sent John Collis grumbling in a corner for a while. I kept hearing his Australian protest above the din, “We just have to have more heart circles!”

One happened in Brooklyn at Jonathan’s, who lived with a few other faeries occupying at least 2 apartments in the building. The circle happened on the first floor apartment, and it was so packed it filled two adjoining rooms. The party was hopping upstairs til the wee hours too. It was a blast.

heart circles and refused to have one that night. At his next party though, Pete, to my total shock and amazement, threw a one spontaneously! What a pleasure.

Faerie events happen all over. Steve plays in the Petite Garden, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence hold a psychic event to raise money for Silvia’s Place, Blaze and John have a late night indi film fest, Flood gets folks to march on Washington, the Countessa holds court at The Meeting (his cabaret and skits on the queer agenda) at the Duplex, or someone throws a party just because.

I didn’t think it would happen. Thought the community was too scattered and spread, or maybe didn’t care anymore. But it’s happening. Faerie magic. Circles and community.

On the first New Moon of January 2010, an eclipse, I had a Heart Circle in my home, my first. I panicked for a brief moment, not sure what it would bring. You know how you fear either no one or everyone will come. Of course, there were a perfect amount of folks that I was genuinely happy to see, and we had good food and a beautiful circle.

Conversations

started online, with folks who were no longer coming to heart circles; a call to end the circle at the center. I must say that I was miffed. I guess I had become attached to our little meetings at the Center. For a few years, I was in a very small bubble. A bubble that did not include the rest of the NY Faeries, especially not the queens who were raising a stink in this online campaign ( This is not directed harsh on my part. I honestly don’t even know or care who “they” were, I wasn’t even online at the time. It’s probably all folks I know and love by now. This is just what went down). The heart circle, and a little bit of drumming at gay pride were all I knew. I wasn’t even on a NY list, and had no idea what else was going on.

Why would people want to have heart circle in apartments around the city? That’s Crazy! How would new folks find

A heart circle was supposed to happen at Mo’s place uptown, and a few of us got there and hung around laughing with him, which is business as usual. Then he told us he wanted to show us something and took us to a nearby public roof garden. We sat laughing some more, asking why only “heart” circles? Why don’t the other organs get the same respect and attention. We sang songs like, “Don’t go breaking my Liver”, “I believe that my Kidneys go on,” “You’ve got to have Skin, miles and miles and miles of Skin,” and “Total Eclipse of the Colon.” The actual circle, heart nor otherwise, never occurred. But our small counsel did decide that a heart circle, or even a lung circle is far better than a brain circle. ( Nothing against the Brain, I like to brainstorm, but most conversations in western culture are already brain circles….enough already!)

Pistol Pete threw a sober party, asking people to drink and drug before or after but not at his place. He was hating on

I’ve learned to be more comfortable in general, but there is still something that happens during the first round of shares in a circle. It’s usually the moment where I notice my posture changes, reminding me of Qu’an Yin in a royal pose, or perhaps how Greek folks might have lounged during the party that inspired Plato’s Symposium. I sink into my body and I’m myself, relaxed and listening and loving.

This time though, I realized what a gift it was to be able to host that experience for everyone else, knowing that most other people were sinking into themselves at that moment too. It gave me a deep sense of pleasure and peace. It wasn’t just me experiencing my own “being home”, it was giving my brothers and sisters space to feel “being home” too.

Today, I’m so very glad I followed that little tingle and joined the faeries.

Welcome Home. •

Delphi is a Faerie living in NYC. He’s a Singer/Actor/Dancer and Performing Artist, as well as a Writer and Director. He’s also been seen as an Astrologer, Tarot and Rune reader, Reiki and Polarity practitioner, certified Yoga Teacher…. damn this girl is a renaissance man! Big kisses to everyone! XO

Reflections on the Heart Circle

by Leopard

The talking stick is passed to me. I hold it quietly for a moment and kinda tune into its presence in my hand. It is a magical item infused with the intention of allowing the person holding it to speak from their heart. I have nothing prepared to say. In the early days of coming to heart circles, especially the “resident’s circles” as it was called back in the day at Short Mountain Sanctuary, I often thought about the things I wanted to talk about in advance, but I don’t do that anymore. I found the liberation in just being present and ‘channeling’ what could be said. Because even if I had thought of what I wanted to say, sometimes when the stick was passed I would lose it all, go blank. Perhaps that was rescuing me from some embarrassment! Because I think if I think too hard about myself or, especially, others (what isn’t being said or done, or what could be said or done more or better) suddenly I am judging the people I love, respect and care about and live with as family.

Conflict! Yes, back then I could approach the circles with dread. Sometimes for a day or two before -certainly the night before. People I had enjoyed and been inspired by, cooked for, done dishes with, gardened and goat-ed, played scrabble and exchanged crossword clues, collected mulch and repaired gutters were suddenly being scrutinizing and expressing disappointment, dissatisfaction, depression. Even if someone said they were loving it and loving the weather and loving everybody, it may have occurred to me to think that they weren’t going deep enough! Some times I’d come out of those meetings exhausted, crying and feeling unlovable. Though really I don’t think it was all due to anything anyone had said. I was nothing but loved and so was everyone in the room, it’s just that we thought community needed a level of exploration, observation, feedback and critique. And even more so, at least for me, when I am held in love and appreciation it can freak me out. I can respond by pushing it away, focusing on the details of criticism and ignore

the bigger context of love and support, knowing my weakness and my sadness and my fear, I don’t see my strengths and joys and integrity. Its like leaving the kettle boiling too long on the stove becomes more important than the fact that you’re making tea for everybody.

Of course, it came to people avoiding circles, saying “I don’t like them” or “I don’t need them” and for a while they wouldn’t even happen for several months at a time. Clearly they weren’t really serving the purpose they were setting out to fill. But thankfully we saw the importance of the circle and learned, without really even referring to

say stuff and I don’t even know where it’s coming from. Recently I heard about studies that somehow prove that memory is outside the body and our brains are tuning devices to open ourselves to information. I suppose if memory is like this, would it be so for all consciousness (which could explain why some people are psychic)? It is a wonderful feeling if you hit it. You, I mean I, but YOU could too I’m sure, feel the energy shift in the circle sometimes when someone is open to speaking the truth that needs to come into that room in that moment. It is esoteric and supernatural! That’s what we are! And this is what our heart circles are. Without hierarchy of individual importance, with the patience of listening, creating space for anyone to speak what is on their mind, what flows from their tongue, what is alive in their feeling body. Openness, a culture of saying yes, “apprecia’meta’tion.” Trust. Trusting our own voice and not judging someone else’s.

it, to quit the complaining and bring in new levels of gratitude and heart space rather than thinking about it. It is basically all we have where we come together and share ourselves and each other. The heart circles are fundamental, even, to who we are as freedom loving faerie anarchists. It is a technology (I love reclaiming that word from the complexity of computers and bringing it back down to hearts and ears and sticks) that we as an ever developing and moving social network have been consciously using for over thirty years and one that has been inspired by and grown out of people culture from time immemorial. Probably since the beginning of language, or even before then as singing, toning and ululating comes from the heart.

Wow! I can’t believe I said all that. But that’s the thing, in some ways free associating is an heart - I mean art! Speaking from the heart, just letting it happen, occasionally I’ll hear myself

Support. OK sometimes things can get a little weird, pushing myself into focusing on the negative, or being reactive to what someone said or the way they said it, but even that in the greater context of LOVE can be healing. Part of the art is not expecting too much from the circle. Another part of the art is knowing when to stop talking. Look up, look into the eyes of those listening, pass the stick and listen! Because though I often think of heart circle being about “what I am going to say?”, in the end the heart circle is about listening. Listening with the heart!

Heart circles happen pretty much every month now at the Sanctuary. Usually around the first or last moon quarter because full moons were felt to be too energetically volatile and new moons too introspective. It keeps the flow going between people in a group context, gives us space to talk about what we might be facing, illness or craziness or inspiration, hopes and dreams - when there is not space to do so in the day to day. There is even beginning

Continued on page 51

Speaking from the heart, just letting it happen, occasionally I’ll hear myself say stuff and I don’t even know where it’s coming from.

WhenI heard the spring issue of RFD would cover the topic of heart circles, I felt the call to write something. Quite ironic for someone who doesn’t like to write. The subject of heart circles bring up a number of issues for me. When I began going to faerie gatherings, I thought heart circles were something of a requirement. As someone who doesn’t enjoy public speaking, I would usually just give my name, maybe make a couple of short comments and quickly pass the talking stick onto the next person. After I moved to an area where there was a bigger faerie community, I began attending heart circle/potluck events. I would stress about these for weeks ahead of time, wondering what I should say at the circle and wonder what other people would think. Sometimes I would just pass, other times, if there was a major event occurring in my life, I might mention that. In either case, I rarely listened to what other people were saying because I was just too much in my own head the whole time. Although I soon found out that I wasn’t the only one. After one heart circle where I talked about a project I was working, someone

Heart Circles! Why?

By Cole

came up to me at the end and to paraphrase, said “good luck with that...thing.” I realized then that I wasn’t being heard in the circle, just as I wasn’t listening to others. It was at that point that I began to wonder and still do, what is the point of a heart circle. If I talk about something that’s close to my heart and because of how heart circles are structured, no one can respond to what I’ve said, what is the point of sharing that to people who in some cases are complete strangers or sometimes just acquaintances. I prefer to share things with people whom I’m close to. I no longer participate in heart circles because I just don’t understand the point of them. Obviously it would never work for people to respond to everything that’s being said. So that brings me back to the question of what purpose do they serve? The only answer I’ve ever gotten is that I should just go. Well, I don’t like going to things just for the sake of going and I don’t like talking just for the sake of talking. This isn’t to say that heart circles are a bad thing, just that for me personally, they seem kind of pointless.

Years ago on the queernet faerie listserv, there was a thread about heart cir-

cles. I was hoping to find some of those old emails before I wrote this but unfortunately I haven’t been able to find them. One of the issues I remember bringing up though is that for me, I need to be able to know and trust the people I’m talking to. In a lot of cases, it’s not possible to get know people on a deeper level beforehand, so it makes it another aspect of heart circles that prevent me from feeling comfortable enough in participating. If people aren’t always listening to each other during heart circles, it doesn’t even seem possible to get to know them any better at that point either. I do realize a lot of my feelings about heart circles stem from completely separate issues but in the end, it still makes wonder what the point of them are.

I know a lot of what I’ve said has negative connotations to it so I will end it with the one heart circle that was very enjoyable and memorable. At a heart circle several years ago at Short Mountain, someone who I met briefly earlier, sat down next to me and we began making out and continued throughout the entire heart circle. Now if all heart circles could just be like that... •

Matt Bucy

Atlanta Heart Circle by Chilly

The Heart Circle as a Community Organizing Tool

by Don Kilhefner

It’salways important for my lips and feet to be moving in the same direction.

In an article I wrote titled “The Gay Community in Crisis,” which originally appeared in White Crane (Issue #69 “Generation Conversation”) and reprinted in Smash the Church, Smash the State: The Early Years of Gay Liberation (City Lights Press, 2009 ed. Tommi Avicola Mecca), it was suggested there is a critical necessity at this time to take our understandings, insights and tools gained by working at the edge of the village into the center of the gay community. Increasingly since the eighties, there has been a significant intellectual and spiritual vacuum there caused by gay assimilation, the largely unexamined and dominant ideology of our community today. Inherent in gay assimilation theory and practice is the disappearance of the gay community and a decrease in gay-centered identity.

Always feeling a need to practice what I preach, during the past year I have started employing the Heart Circle as a tool in gay community organizing in Los Angeles, a part of the forest I have been doing community organizing in, now, well into my fifth decade.

In the mid-seventies I started using a modified form of the Heart Circle in workshops I conducted in Los Angeles but its wide-spread use blossomed at Radical Faerie Gatherings around the world where it has become an essential thread no matter what the fabric of the gathering might be. I have never heard

of the Heart Circle being used in the supposed sophistication of our urbane cities outside of Radical Faerie enclaves here and there at the edge.

For the past decade the primary focus of my consciousness-raising and community organizing in Los Angeles has been in the area of inter-generational dialogue and cooperation based on the awareness that any healthy community must honor ancestors, requires elders, depends on adults and invites youth. There is much age apartheid here as there probably is in your community as well. During the past year I have done much suggesting, encouraging and supporting of adult gay men (more of less 35-55) in becoming visible and conscious of their role as adults and assuming responsibility for the gay community’s well-being, a generational shift of momentous proportions. They have created an organization in Los Angeles call 100 Gay Men (www.100gaymen. com) which has spend the past six months collectively creating an infrastructure and action plan. At the same time a Gay Elder Council (55+) is being created to support the work of adults as well as being visible and articulate as the role of the gay tribal elder is explored and manifested.

In working with both groups I faced the challenge of how to begin re-orienting the worldview of often overly-educated, overly-achieving and overly-corporation-focused men to the needs of the gay community in a way that honors

and respects their gifts and calls them to a new and critically needed role as conscious adults and elders. One day Professor Heart Circle whispered in my ear, suggesting that he be introduced in the groups. I began devoting the first hour of meetings to a Heart Circle just as we do in the wilderness at the edge of the village.

It works. There is a deep hunger in gay men in our big cities for community and true soul food after the decades of empty calories by gay assimilationists. Professor Heart Circle knows exactly what he is doing.

Mark Thompson and I are currently finishing up a book titled Dancing In The Moonlight: A Radical Faerie Reader which contains nearly fifty excellent essays from all over the world and which will be published this year. It contains a brilliant article—the best I have ever read on the Heart Circle—written by Mountaine Mort Jonas and titled “The Power of the Heart Circle.” I bow deeply in his direction. •

Don Kilhefner, Ph.D., played a pioneering role in the creation of the Gay Liberation movement. He also is the cofounder of Los Angeles’ Gay and Lesbian Center, the Van Ness Recovery House, and many other seminal organizations in the community including (with Harry Hay) the Radical Faeries, an international, gay spirituality and consciousness movement. Don is a Jungian psychologist in West Hollywood and can be reached at donkilhefner@sbcglobal.net.

Matt Bucy

Taking The Talking Circle Out Into The World

by Covelo

InA Valentine For Harry, February 1989,” John Burnside asked “Who are the gay people and what are they like?” Harry Hay dedicated the last decade of his life answering John’s Valentine question. Every summer in Wolf Creek, Oregon, Harry and John would facilitate workshops for the faerie community where we stripped away the layers of inauthentic identity that had been culturally imposed on third gender people so that we could come forward in service, empowered with the special gifts that are our unique contributions to the survival of the species.

The workshops were centered around circle process.

When I came forward to serve in 1981, I left a wilderness commune in Northern California to become a New York City public school teacher.

I brought the gift of The Talking Circle.

I had learned circle process/consensus decision-making in a college commune in Palo Alto in the 1960’s and then deepened that knowledge at Digger commune from 1976 to 1981. We were influenced by the Spanish Anarchists and approached each situation as unique, without proscribed rules. Although we were a contentious lot, we believed that the highest form of anarchy was cooperation. We governed by the circle

In New York, I taught in a small learning community within a large, comprehensive high school in Queens. Our mission was to prepare underprivileged minorities and economically disadvantaged students for careers in biology, medicine, biological research, mathematics and teaching. I taught a group of 50 ninth graders and then I taught them again as seniors in Advanced Placement and Honors English. In the ninth grade we studied a global, multicultural, interdisciplinary course on world literature and culture which was based on Joseph Campbell’s Hero with a Thousand Faces.. Through the lens of the hero, students experienced an initiation into into the world of global citizenry and into a trusting community of young scholars. The founder of the program believed that one

did not get good science without good humanities and therefore funded my work generously, and I was able to commission master artisans of the Radical Faerie community and Friends—Clyde Hall, Laine Thom, Gabriel Quirk, Paul Wirhun and Deborah Bauer, among others—to facilitate this journey.

At the heart and soul of the course were two practices—two-minute Meditations and The Talking Circle.

Iconductthe first circle several weeks into the first term. Students need to have established a basic comfort level with each other and with the teacher for the circle to succeed. Students are justifiably reluctant to open up to each other, therefore I begin with very innocuous topics. Basic introductions—where they went to elementary and middle school, their favorite color, their favorite food, that sort of thing. In subsequent circles,

Each fall I would introduce the idea of The Talking Circle. I would tell the students that The Talking Circle is one of the most ancient and powerful communication tools ever created and that the process was very simple:

• A group sits in a circle.

• An object is chosen to be the talking stick.

• Whoever holds the stick, and no one else, has the right to speak.

• No one may interrupt and no one may speak out of turn.

• If one wishes to respond to what another has said, he/she must wait until his/her turn. There is no cross talk.

• What is said in the circle stays in the circle.

The facilitator may need to limit the amount of time a student may speak because of the exigencies of the classroom setting.

I slowly move into the larger questions about their challenges in school, their short term goals, where they are strong, where they need help, plans for the future. I caution students to choose their words carefully. Knowing human nature, students cannot be certain that what is said in the circle will stay there. I caution that these sessions are not psychotherapy, we have guidance counselors for that. These circles are for us to grow as a community of friends and scholars.

And the circle does its magic. It provides a place for each student to be witnessed. It gives time for shy students to speak and extroverts to listen. It allows time for emotions to settle, and it offers insights that become solutions.

As the year develops, there arise spontaneous reasons for circles—from complaints about a killer math exam to fights among themselves. One circle

NYC public high school students in a gratitude circle at Stone Barns Center for Food and Agriculture, May, 2005

Covelo

was prompted by the suicide of a middle school friend who was the only one in their circle who was accepted to the topranked high school in the area. The circle allowed a forum that otherwise would not have existed for the boy’s friends to express their mutual grief and respect for the loss of someone who was not only beloved but highly respected. I couldn’t help but think that this young boy could very well have been gay.

Oneyear when I was on sabbatical, I facilitated a day-long workshop for the seniors with deep ecologist and Engaged Buddhist Joanna Macy. We began the day by sitting in a circle. As we introduced ourselves around the circle, we were all asked to express something about the high school experience for which each person was grateful. Almost to a student, they said they were grateful for the friendships they had developed over the years. Joanna said, “You see, you already have the most essential ingredient you will need to face the great global challenges ahead. You have each other. You have community. You will never lose

these friendships and you have the tools to make community wherever you go.”

In June of 2002, I conducted a series of closing circles for the Advanced Placement seniors. Even though it was the week after prom and seniors were harder to come by than fish in the desert, the class was overflowing. Even an African American school safety officer and a Russian custodian joined us. It had been an impossible year. We had experienced the destruction of the World Trade Center which we could see in the distance from our classroom windows and then experienced protracted transportation disruptions due to anthrax and bomb scares. A talking circle in December almost broke my heart. Every single student was depressed. One student, who had to commute two hours each way from the Bronx, said her mother, who worked for the Port Authority, was coming home in the middle of the night after bagging body parts at Ground Zero. The college office was missing deadlines. Families had no more money to pay the endless $75 fees that popped up everywhere they turned. Many were in two

or three AP classes and working twenty hours a week. They were doing everything right, and everything was going wrong. I wanted to weep.

But they persevered, and despite all odds, in June they were on their way to Columbia, NYU, Binghamton, Howard, CUNY, SUNY, York College, Queens College, you name it. But there was still an edge. Finally one girl said, “Everybody knows I had a falling out with someone here. I just want that person to know that although everything is still not all right, I do love you and you are my friend.” “Hug! Hug!” the kids rang out, “We think a hug is in order.” A minute later, a girl stood up, walked across the room and hugged the speaker. An audible sigh spread through the room. A security guard and the President of the Senior Class, both of whom were outside witnesses, became misty eyed. The Talking Circle had done its job. These fine young people were leaving school and heading out in the world as members of a community of friends they will have for life, forged in the crucible of public education. •

Facilitated Heart Circles

by Rosie Delicious

Often,heart circles at gatherings can be drawn-out experiences. While this is unavoidable given the number of folks wishing to share, it is often what keeps many from participating at all. This is unfortunate, for it can be the first experience a newbie faerie has of this process, and it creates a bad memory and unwillingness to participate in future circles.

One way of circumventing this is to create a facilitated heart circle that quickens the process of moving a large number of participants through a set of potentially difficult emotions. This would be best suited to a heart circle that is created to explore a single theme that all participating wish to explore, while not taking all day to complete. This can be done by allowing one person to ask a set of questions that have short responses at first, while allowing longer shares later in the circle as the questions move deeper into the subject at hand.

During the Spring Gathering 2008

at Short Mountain, I used this method to facilitate a heart circle about our sex lives. It allowed a group of approximately 30 of us to share deeply on this sensitive matter while taking only two hours to finish. Part of the success of this method is that the talisman is passed relatively quickly around the circle early in the process, allowing each participant to share. The more one shares in a circle, the more one engages deeply in the process.

From past experience in facilitating heart circles about sex at gatherings I found that, with an open (non-facilitated) process, each person would dive into a long soliloquy about their personal sexual history; each share could last 5-10 minutes which causes a drag on the process. The last person in the circle might have to wait over an hour before receiving the talisman. This is when heart circles can become “theaters of cruelty,” and the whole circle does not get beyond simply telling personal stories as attention fades

and time runs out. Hearing personal stories can be enriching, but allowing the circle to reflect on itself through several rounds of passing the talisman can have deeper effect.

I devised a series of questions to move the whole circle through a process that felt very successful. Here they are for future use, and/or as a model for this type of facilitated circling:

1. Give us your name (1 word)

2. How do you feel right now? (2 words)

3. How do you feel about your sex life in general? (3 words)

4. If you wanted to, what would you do to change your sex life? (1 sentence)

5. If you needed to, what would you do to change the story about your sex life? (2-3 sentences)

6. How does this story-making about your sex life reflect how you feel about yourself in general? (Open, not restricted time). •

The Rubber Gloves

by Wes Hartley

That young umbrella-selling boy – what’s-His-Name who used to mind the umbrella counter over at the 10-cent store – you know, the one who always wears them horrible rubber gloves day and night, well they caught him butt-naked this morning in the backroom storage locker at the butchershop all surrounded with hundreds and hundreds of them 10-cent store umbrellas all of them opened up and packed in solid in that meat locker just doing something unnatural with one of them Christmas smoked hams.

My brother Arnold Lee, him and Poozle Jim Scoffer was the ones caught that umbrella boy and got him and all them 10-cent store umbrellas out of there and marched him over to the courthouse, but of course they first wrapped this old paint tarpaulin of mine around him being as Arnold Lee, he had it with him, and on account of they couldn’t hardly let no helpless women and innocent children see that strange boy all naked like he was.

Well they got him on over to the jail at the courthouse without no trouble excepting that that umbrella-selling boy, he was all the time going on about something to do with them horrible rubber gloves of his that he was wearing and you always seen on him when he used to mind the umbrella counter over at the 10-cent store.

My brother Arnold Lee, he says you wouldn’t believe the way that boy just kept rubbing them rubber gloves of his together all nastylike the way he done and going on about how they was his only true friends and how he would die without them and all the time kissing them and rubbing them together like I said and carrying on the way he done. •

A 1993 Performance Piece for a Sacred Healing Circle. Created and Performed at Brietenbush by the Kathar Sissies (NW Chapter) Summer 1993.

Imagine the early years of the HIV epidemic and a heart circle, the drum beating faster and faster, four choruses chanting in turn, faster and louder, raising the group’s energy and passion; imagine a sick brother raised-up in the middle on our palms and spun around; imagine the exorcising of pent-up grief and rage; the tsunami of pain released and heightened sense of love and intimate connection!

Though grief has always been, this circle had its origin in 1992 with the HIV/AIDS epidemic. Our brother Kiki had not been the same since his partner Terry had died. Since so many beautiful faeries had died or were struggling with the disease, Kiki’s grieving became emblematic for us. Constituting ourselves as the Kathar Sissies NW, Kiki’s friends decided to design and perform a performance piece in the context of a sacred healing circle to give a voice to our grief, to face it and exorcise it out of our bodes, with the goal of helping all of us heal from these extraordinarily terrible losses and predicament and gain some small sense of mastery over it.

We (BBHa!: Stephen Silha, Colorado: Christopher Jones, Steve Castens, Stephen Phillips, and John Spencer, a group that included Kiki) worked through the winter and performed the piece/offered the circle, named Ocean of Sorrows at

Ocean of Sorrows

Raising Our Voices & Exorcising Our Grief

by C. Colorado Jones

the Brietenbush Gathering in February 1993. Forty faeries participated in the circle. It was amazing, more than we had hoped for! Here’s a brief synopsis of the performance pieces’ roles, processes and chants. The full text of the 12 page script is on the RFD Website at: www.rfdmag. org. Use it, change it, draw inspiration from it as you will…

We divided the circle in four quarters and associated the directions with four actors who stood back to back in the middle with a drummer near. Each actor represented a composite of HIV epidemic experiences/identities and together created a vortex of cleansing emotion as the:

• Person who has passed (wears white, stands in the West)

• Widow(er) of person who has passed (wears black, stands in the East)

• Asymptomatic, HIV-positive person, ACT-UP members (wears red, stands in the South.

• HIV-negative person (wears yellow, stands in the North.)

In the first part, when the circle is cast and chants were practiced, each actor called forth a direction in a manner invoking his role, to open the circle. The participants sitting in circle around the actors became a Greek chorus and divided into quarters, each was associated with one of the actors and their particular chant. (The chants and opening monologues are included below.) In turn each actor rotated and led the different choruses in their particular chant, rais-

ing the circle’s energy before returning to his original chorus. Then all the members of the circle were encouraged to call out the names of others affected/infected dead and living but absent, for inclusion in the sacred healing circle.

In the second part, the actors recited their monologue summarizing that (representative) actor’s life experiences and feelings about the epidemic and what it did to them. After each monologue, that chorus repeated the associated chant a couple of times, with greater feeling and rapidity, the energy rising round and round, faster and faster, owning their chant and wailing and moaning. When all four individual monologues and chants were completed, we spun them together, racing the chant around, creating a vortex of emotion and energy.

The third part, contained time for emotional reactions/sharing with a totem, which was really the highlight. Since the participants felt safe and loved, their personal predicaments and pain acknowledged by the group, heart springs pulled, some felt safe enough to tell their private stories and fears for the first time. They were encouraged to ask for what they needed, to put it out there, big and small: prayers, requests and actions. We tried to be prepared for anything. This is how, for instance, we ended up twirling the sick brother overhead; he was truly delighted, “I’ve always wanted to do that!” And in the final quarter, the brothers reached a drained, content sense of closure and intimacy blessed by the closing invocations, closing the circle. •

Rosie Delicious

Opening Circle Invocations

North/HIV Negative/Yellow

Black bull of the lonely nigh, darkness and shadows

Whispering tongues of conspiracy and death

Oh ancient trees of renewal, Sacred groves of our faerie brothers passed There is eternal winter on the land and in the hearts of men.

Fill our tired spirits

Stand with us upon your sacred soil

Be here now!

South/HIV+/Red

Guardian lion of our poisoned blood Keeper of the locusts

Your roar has released disease and mayhem

Your noon day sun has witnessed The ritual genocide of our tribe, our nation Forces of strife, conflict, sex and death

Enflame our passion and Be here now!

East/Widow(er)/Black

Welcome confusion, loss, pain and despair Dawn without hope

Agony engulfs our lives, Our love is being extinguished By the embers of our passion. Arise sun of rampant hysteria. Let us burn in your fire. Black raven of sorrow, Fly into our midst

Give us the strength to cast off The mantle of sadness. Be here now!

West/Person Who Passed/White

Welcome death, finality, Engulfing, eroding, rotting Destroyer of life and dreams unfulfilled Sunset of my potential, Hear my cries and taste my sorrows

Suffer my ocean of sorrows

Flow into our presence. Be here now!

Chorus Chants

North/HIV Negative/Yellow

Why not me? Why not me?

Why is it he, my sweet, the one to flee Guilt and sadness in my bed I feel madness in my head.

South/HIV+/Red

Who are we? * * Angry queers

What do we need? * * Hope not fears

What do we get? * * Nazi stuff

Seize your power ACT-UP!

East/Widow(er)/Black

Lost, abandoned, alone inside Grief and pain do not subside

Fruit plucked early from the tree Dreams destroyed for you and me

West/Person Who Passed/White

Heart breaks, screams and bitter pain

Brought down with poison rain Fruit picked early from the vine Dreams deferred, death stole my time.

Part I of this prose describes my experience of a revel of pagans and fairies. Part II describes a massage workshop I ran soon after. At various points at these events, there were circles of people, which supported greetings, instruction, healing, and fond farewells.

Part I

Itis the longest night of the year - December 23rd, 2009 - and I drive to White Eagle’s home for a solstice “revel” to honor the returning of the light. The gathering calls us to make a righteous noise, sing, dance, play, eat and breathe.

Things are well underway when I show up. The home is warm, filled with intriguing wall photos, as well as abundant food stuffs on a large table, and booze on another equally-sized table. The place is packed with men and some women, overflowing onto the porch where they smoke.

As with any large gathering of people, I want to sit in the corner and hide. I spy a couple of familiar faces. Many in the room are smiling. Still, I keep to the wall.

Soon, I am warmly greeted by men, and am touched on the arm or shoulder. A couple of strangers give me hugs. Now more at ease, I instigate a couple of embraces. I have some thin conversation with a few men. However, it is hard to talk because the revelers are very loud.

Many of the men and women are stoned and drunk, which scares me. As per the call to make a “righteous noise,” they do make lots of noise; however, it does not strike me as “righteous.” Rather, it seems more egotistical, self-centered, rude and boorish. Then I wonder if I’m too judgmental (which is my own form of egotism).

I wish Wonderful was here to read a poem, which, I imagine, would still the random yelling (at least for a while), and make sense out of, and give some direction to, what appears to be audio and emotional chaos.

Noticing I wear a “Vegans Do It with Relish: Wisely Using a Condiment” but-

Longest Night

by Demian

ton, one man mentions he brought a raw vegan desert. However, he refused to say what it was made of, or where it is located, so I stick with my water bottle.

While talking with Violet Dawn, who is dressed in a riot of colors and textures, someone comes to us and asks her name. Violet is, at first, flustered. She quickly recovers, finds a cozy couch seat, and seems quite at home in the pandemonium.

Many of the men keep changing their apparel during the evening. Mostly they dress in creative gender-bender drag. None of the men pretend to be a woman or visa-versa (so far as I can tell).

dancers. Fifteen choreographers.

Most dance by themselves, without touching anyone else. The women sometimes make sexually suggestive movements.

One woman takes off her shirt and one of the dancing men holds her naked breasts, plays with them, and buries his face between them. It is all good and wholesome.

The movement on the floor gets even more energetic, and, several times, it comes close to ecstatic dance. It never quite gets to a trance state, I think, because alcohol inhibits connecting with spirit.

By now the copious incense burns my eyes and I must leave the drumming room.

A thin man greets me. (I am attracted to thin men.) He tentatively touches my arm. I go for the embrace. We stare into each other’s eyes. As usual, I fall in love. (I wonder if he likes older men.)

He says, “So, it can be done.”

“What?”

“Breaking social boundaries. Cutting through our protective shells. Having a more meaningful communication.”

“You can do that?”

He laughs.

One guy keeps changing his swept up, 40’s lady’s-style, long hair. Really, it does not matter what his hairdo, his face is so handsome he could wear a shower cap and would still turn heads.

Two men play on hand drums, and I join in on another drum. While the drumming adds to the noise, it has regularity and purpose. I immerse myself in drumming.

Our drumming inspires several drunken men to start a vibrant, wild and energetic dance. They bounce, twirl, vibrate, gyrate, and balance liquid-filled glasses in flailing hands, with glistening beads of sweat on their shining, panting faces. They are amazing.

They are joined by many more men and a couple of women; each person moving in their own unique way. Fifteen

I guess he thought we had pushed through the public space prohibition of touching and staring at each other. But I am used to that sort of thing, even in public. It seems to me quite natural. I take great comfort in holding and being tenderly held by men.

Does it mean I hope they swallow, or that I want to penetrate their behinds? Well, sometimes, yah. It is through awareness - and my body - that I experience spirit.

Upstairs, two women sit on the floor, the focus of a circle of nine women and five men sitting around them. They listen to one woman’s distress about her loss of direction, while the other woman tosses divining shells to help the tormented woman define her root problem. There is no (permission-to-talk) talisman. Some group members comment as

One guy keeps changing his swept up, 40’s lady’s-style, long hair. Really, it does not matter what his hairdo, his face is so handsome he could wear a showercap and would still turn heads.

the feel with brief comments.

While I prefer a more direct co-counseling approach to sort through emotional blocks, the circle is attentive and, hopefully, through this aware listening, there will be some healing.

Back downstairs, I run into Jesus Christ. He is way taller than in his pictures and way better fed. His beautiful, full chest is bare and he wears a fancy, spotless, shades-of-white embroidered cloth around his pelvis.

Says me:

“I notice that you are wearing a thorny crown made of rubber.”

“Yes, it is more comfortable than real thorns.”

“So, you show up at resurrections, and ...”

“Christenings and parties.”

Because he does not look at me in the eyes, and, not to mention, does not hug me, I turn my attention to the drumming room, which has now quieted.

There are many fine men sitting on the couches. They look open, hopeful, and expectant. For no reason, it suddenly occurs to me that they will soon have an orgy. At least, I hope they will. And I yearn to be a part of it.

However, my eyes sting from the smoke and I am way tired. Reluctantly, I grab my coat and exit. The outdoor air is frigid and I begin to uncontrollably shiver.

Now, I sit alone soaking in hot water, thinking over this evening’s events. While there were so many nice things, I find myself trapped by those whatcould- have-been things, and I begin to violently shake as if freezing, like earlier in the cold air, and find myself sobbing.

Part II

Eleven days after the longest night and I busy myself around the house preparing for six guys to arrive for my Naked Massage Workshop for Men.

Items to do: clear the living room, set up the massage table, place massage cushions on the floor, place the sheets, and turn up the furnace.

Because I instruct primarily shiatsu, there is no oil. However, for when genital massage is employed, there is a tray with a bottle of lube, latex rubbers and gloves, and paper towels.

The men range from thin-to-fat, 2860s, and massage experienced-to-none.

I gather all into a circle and read an excerpt from “Seven Arrows:”

“To Touch and Feel is to Experience....”

“According to the Teachers, there is only one thing that all people possess equally. This is their loneliness. No two people on the face of this earth are alike in any one thing except for their loneliness. This is the cause of our Growing, but it is also the cause of our wars. Love, hate, greed and generosity are all rooted within our loneliness, within our desire to be needed and loved.

“The only way that we can overcome our loneliness is through Touching.”

I get the blindfolds and say:

“You three guys put these on. The others will thoughtfully, and sweetly, take off your clothes.”

Michael and I demonstrate on Jan. Off comes his shirt. Michael and my hands caress his chest and back. Off comes his pants. Our hands move on his

Michael:

“Lay on the table face down. Do you have any areas that are in pain or broken?”

My hand lightly touches his skin, moving down from his skull, to his tail, to his calves. In doing so, I feel the energy and temperature thereby assessing the areas that are balanced, and those needing the most work.

I hold at his shoulders and pelvispull in opposing directions - gently rocking him. I say:

“This is relaxing; the same motion we got as babies to help us sleep.”

David hisses.

Assuming not all know the faerie sound of approval, I explain:

“That is the sound of a faerie radiator making steam heat.”

No one asks what the hell I am talking about.

I move to Tom’s neck. Dan rubs Tom’s back with a pushing movement sending his hands up Tom’s spine. three of us, and all is more than well.

As I work on his back, I explain the technique of finger pressure and how it helps heal. The reason for not using oil (to better feel the temperature and texture of the skin), and why there is no soothing background music (we need to hear the rate of breathing, which communicates the massage client’s condition).

I give my energy and complete attention to Michael for the purpose of healing. Well, not quite complete, because I am simultaneously explaining my techniques to the group.

butt, groin, and legs. He is open to our ministrations, sighs, and hugs us closer, sandwiched between us.

The others just watch us (shy, I guess), until I gesture for them to start with each other.

Once the first three are completely naked, the others wear the blindfolds and are then undressed.

Nervousness give way to smiles as everyone is carefully stripped and caressed along the way. Many hugs and some kisses are exchanged.

I say:

“Now it is time for my massage demonstration, is there a ...”

Someone says:

“... Victim.”

Regardless, there are several volunteers.

Michael’s hand goes up first. I say to

After Michael flips over, I describe the function of various healing points as I press on them. One of them is on the perineum, which promotes healthy sexual energy. I do not really need to say what the point does because Michael demonstrates it with an erection.

As I leave the groin area to work on his belly, I lightly caress his balls and fulsome cock. To place my action in context, I say to the group:

“Let him know you like him.”

An hour of instruction has gone by. The men partner-up and the masseurs begin by asking if there is any pain or broken places.

I make the rounds, free-lance massaging those lying down. I work on David’s feet while Michael is on his head and shoulders.

Then I work on Leon’s legs, while Jan works his back. I am distracted because I am strongly attracted to Jan.

Jan is thin, and, as you know, I am

Continued on page 45

An Interview With Franklin Abbott

RFD: Congratulations, Franklin on your new collection, Pink Zinnia: Poems and Stories! First, when do you write? At a certain time every day, when you feel pregnant with something which needs to come out on the page?

F.A.: I write mostly when inspired, no special time of day. Sometimes I feel compelled to write. Occasionally I accept an assignment. The poem “Miss Monroe” was written at the request of the editor of Van Gogh’s Ear.

RFD: Since your new book has both poems and stories, can you tell when you are going to be working in one form versus another or might a poem turn into a story, a story turn into a poem? Is it as simple, sometimes, as wanting to get this across and this is just the right size for a poem?

F.A.: I think of the stories as prose poems. Few of us have the time or inclination to read epic poetry. By putting poems in paragraph form (Toni Morrison is a master of this) I make them much friendlier for my readers.

RFD: Does your work tend to come out more or less as you hope it might or do you find yourself editing version after version? With the stories, has an ending turned out not to be an ending but a pause which directs you into a different, perhaps unexpected, place?

F.A.: Most of the poems emerge fully formed with only a word or two changed. The stories often surprise me with their endings (in this way I experience healing and closure). And there are pieces that I return to over and over again because they don’t yet sound right to me.

RFD: What makes a collection for you? Is it thematic, the poems and stories being tied by, say, their being about relationships? Did you find yourself with a pile of stories on one side of your desk and poems on the other side of it and want to see them mingling with each other?

F.A.: Both Pink Zinnia and my earlier book of poems and stories, Mortal Love, are memoirs. The poems are arranged, to a degree, chronologically. I do try to cluster some pieces because of theme. There is a section in Pink Zinnia of political poems that needed to placed together and another on my travels in India.

RFD: Were all of these poems and stories published elsewhere or just some of

them? Did you find that you wanted to exert total control of the collection using the self-publish option rather than having to ‘sell’ a publisher a product?

F.A.: A few of the poems were published elsewhere, usually at the invitation of the editor. I don’t submit much anymore. Poetry has become the province of academia and I don’t go to their conferences or have an MFA so I am out of the loop. I self-published for a similar reason, just had no desire to play the game and the new publishing technologies are user friendly and greener than traditional publishing. Even if a big publisher publishes your work, you still have to promote it yourself nowadays. Self-publishing gave me complete editorial and design control and, I make more money per book sold.

RFD: Can you picture your readers, their age range or sex, what they do for work, when they pick up one of your poems or stories to read it? Are there things you would like, as a writer, to ask them, what they thought about this poem or that story?

F.A.: I have readers of all ages, walks of life, and from every corner of the globe. Lots of them, of course, are gay men but lots are not. People tell me that they like my poems, even when they don’t like poetry in general, because my themes are universal and my language is accessible. By first sending out many of the poems and stories via email, iI got lots of direct feedback from readers.

RFD: Whom do you think has influenced you as a poet or writer?

F.A.: Well, my mentor was James Broughton though I don’t write like James (who

does?). He taught me how to live like a poet and how to view life as a poet. I have read lots of poetry and will develop an aesthetic crush on a poet from time to time (sometimes a real crush too ;) But honestly, the poets I read with at conferences, local readings and festivals influence me the most. I have a direct experience of their work. They may not be famous or refined but they touch me and move me to write more and to aspire to write better.

RFD: As a psychotherapist who also writes poetry and prose, do you find yourself wanting to get inside the heads of your characters to figure out their motivations or more comfortable sitting back and just letting them speak for themselves without putting on that hat? If the former, as a male, do you feel as comfortable with female as with male characters, gay and/or straight characters?

F.A.: Poetry is the balance for me as a psychotherapist. I listen to other people’s stories all week long. Poetry helps me find my own voice. Characters do emerge from my imagination. One of the gifts for me of being gay is that I am fairly fluid with gender. I can be either with ease and neither with ease.

RFD: Which poem or poems are you most proud of or pleased with? Have you changed as a poet/writer from your early days to the present and if so, how have you changed?

F.A.: I am proud of some of the political poems because they were so hard to write, “What We Know and What We Don’t Know, Parts 1 and 2” were extremely hard to do as was the poem “Safe House” on the queer genocide in Iraq. I love the opening story about my grandmother’s funeral and the story about my encounter with the Prophet Michael in Ghana. I go into erotic reverie when I read the stories in “Facing Eros” and I revisit old friends, my dearly departed, in other poems and stories. My earlier work was a little more formal. I was writing for a reader in the future and wanted to keep my references more timeless. Now I just write and trust my Muse.

RFD: I have been able to Google your readings with other poets, especially in

Atlanta. What are your thoughts about them? Does hearing the work of perhaps younger/different poets inspire you and your work?

F.A.: In Atlanta I both coordinate the quarterly poetry nights at Outwrite Bookstore and am co-founder and chairperson of the Atlanta Queer Literary Festival. In both capacities I get to hear lots of poets read and many are giving one of their first public readings. I feel pride and joy in these endeavors. And yes, the young poets have much to teach and poets from backgrounds different from my own or who write in vastly different styles enrich me greatly.

RFD: Thinking back to your being the poetry editor for RFD, how did the poems coming to you from so many across the country change you as a poet? What was that experience like? Any words of advice to readers who are also poets?

F.A.: At first the only poets who sent poems to RFD were readers and that was a pleasure. I met lots of wonderful poets that way. Then somehow RFD got listed in Poet’s Market and a deluge of poems came, most of which had no connection to RFD or its themes and so the job became in part, a hassle. Even so since some of my first poems were published in RFD, I enjoyed returning the honor to other aspiring queer poets. As for advice? Listen, listen, listen to other poets read their work and read, read, read the work of other poets living and dead. Form a relationship with your Muse. What turns him/her on? How do you get her/his attention? And sometimes how do you get him/her to take a little vacation so you can catch up on laundry and pay the bills. And share, share, share. Open mics, online journals, email, blogs: get your work out into the world. I am lucky to be part of an ongoing writers group, the Ninth Muse. We give each other lots of encouragement along with critique. If you can find good hearted people to get together with do. Avoid hostile critics. They can hurt more than just your feelings. And be patient. There are fallow times. There are times when nothing you write will please you. Good poems come from your truth. When you are ready to be honest with yourself your best work will emerge. •

The Atlanta Queer Literary Festival was founded in 2007 by Franklin Abbott and Richard Cruce with a grant from the Atlanta/Fulton Co. Public Library Special Collections Department to celebrate Gay History Month. The first festival presented Atlanta GLBTQ writers including Jim Grimsley and Sharon Sanders and honored community activist and playwright Rebecca Ransom.

The second festival grew in size and Collin Kelley and Megan Volpert joined Franklin in coordinating the festival. Featured speakers included Mark Doty, Kate Bornstein, Kate Evans, Ed Madden, Dan Vera and Alex Sanchez. Sister Soami represented RFD in celebration of its 35th anniversary. Last year’s festival featured Staceyann Chin, Manil Suri, Terrry Galloway and Charles Jensen along with an all star team of queer slam poets in the same venue for the first time. Sponsorship has grown to include the Decatur Book Festival, Emory University, the Georgia Center for the Book and Outwrite and Charis bookstores. AQLF coordinates the GLBTQ track for the Decatur Book Festival.

The festival is an all volunteer effort and all events except the play are free. Readings and workshops begin on Tuesday evening and run through Sunday morning. This year’s festival dates are October 12 - 17. For more information visit the website:

www.atlqueerlitfest.com .

Nobody Knows Why

what a shooting star he was Mason Michael Mason he chiseled poems in rocks gone from Roan to Short Mountain sacred grove to sacred grove his union stone: this place is dedicated to our holding together

Lucy in the sky eyes hair as black as the Irish night paper thin translucent skin he was sweet as wild honey and mad as a hatter he knew before he knew he was to be one of our war dead

an odd coincidence the night he died that house where he channeled Gertrude Stein where he danced the clay body ballet where he wrote those dulcet haunting melody poems that house burned down to the ground

nobody knows why

Michael Mason was a poet and stone carver from western North Carolina who was also one of the original Radical Faeries. He was still young when he died of AIDS early in the epidemic.

–Franklin Abbot

Ravensday

November 9, 2004

master doodler flower pot shaman gay spirit chieftain silver feathered jet eyed native blooded sacre coeur nature boy cry to heaven beloved brother unvanish now raven ancestor raven everything that disappears returns Raven Wolfdancer was born on November 9th in 1946. He was an artist, a gardener and a founder of the Gay Spirit Visions Conference. His murder on December 11, 1994 has never been solved.

–Franklin Abbot

Gravity and the Boy

the writhing was the worst of it I was to do what my grandmother did when she stomped it dead only my little foot just half killed it I’d have to look to see the broken black and orange body of a large grasshopper who would have eaten my grandmother’s daylilies and my grandfather’s tomatoes so it had to be stomped on though I hated it and hated it worse when it did not die

–Franklin Abbot

predisposed. However, the attraction is more so due to his energy and gracefulness.

In time, the men exchange places - masseur becomes client, client becomes masseur - for the second round of massage.

Dan is covered in sweat, his attention fully on Tom who lies below with a smile on his lips.

I move to Tom´s neck. Dan rubs Tom´s back with a pushing movement sending his hands up Tom´s spine. This places Dan´s face next to mine. We smile, and our mouths meet and we kiss. While that does divide Dan´s attention - not to mention mine - I do not mention it. An affectionate energy circles through the three of us, and all is more than well.

Finally, I get to work on Jan. With Leon on Jan´s feet, I press the acu-

points on either side of Jan´s spine. Familiar with massage, he is receptive and alert at the same time. I fantasize rubbing Jan´s inner thighs, butt, and his rosebud (not the sled).

I sit apart and look around. Too bad Scotty is not here. He would love to see the naked men taking care of each other.

I am very happy with this group´s work. Everyone takes their time and gives their partners loving attention. It is nourishing and healthful. It is beautiful.

When all the massages have ended and the men talk and some dress, Dan comes to me and says:

“You did not get any massage.”

He rubs my back. I realize how tense and tired I had become. Still, some wrap- up needs be done.

We stand in a farewell circle, mostly naked, with our arms around each other, some snuggles, and a pervasive,

palpable sense of well-being. Most of the men hug each other goodbye, and some offer kisses to me as well, as all go on their way.

Jan, last to leave, helps me move the table back to the smaller massage room. We talk about the workshop and hug, about our lives and hug. We talk about our interests, hug and kiss. Sweet kisses. Ah.

Even though, by now, the afternoon daylight has vanished, it feels like the light has returned. •

Demian is a Seattle-based filmmaker, photographer, writer, masseur, and is the director of Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples. He has previously published articles, illustrations and photos in RFD. Contact: demian@ buddybuddy.com. © Demian, January 14, 2010, Seattle

Continued from page 7

part -- the talisman finally reaches you, and you are so welled up with love that you want to dance/sing/chant/cheer/ cry/scream. Instead, what you do is let go further, and let the silence speak. Sorta like a bardo thodol experience, a satori, a snap into cosmic awareness. So the reward for paying attention with your heart is peace. Self-discipline in the fine tuning of the heart is what Heart Circles are all about. Listening from the heart blasts the I-centric of me/I/mine into a group-centered consciousness of the unlimited.”

As for me, a fond memory is sitting in a little pavilion on a gorgeous beach in Thailand, the last day of an AsianFaerie gathering. I was surrounded by about ten guys from almost as many countries, listening to their very diverse experiences of love life, work life, queer life, Faerie life -- whatever truly mattered to them. I don’t remember what I said -- I just remember how much pleasure I got from listening. A note from my journal emphasized, “standing in a Circle, losing the perception of separate beings around me, feeling the all-that-is oneness within while connected to others’ hands.”

Another time, I was in the midst of a decision about whether or not to travel

to Europe. The talisman came to me, and it took a few minutes for my words to meander to this issue. I realized as I spoke about it that I had been thinking (assuming) the decision was a monetary one. That led to clarity: the choice didn’t need to be based on funds. It was more a matter of whether I needed to go or not, whether it fit with my ongoing interest in uplifting the planet and myself. I made a commitment (Faeries and talisman as witnesses) to explore the choice from this new perspective. Within a day, I had decided to go. Within days, the money fell into place with little effort.

Harry Hay felt his last gift to the world was the “Daisy Chain Sex Magick” workshop, an eight-day intensive experience based on the group discovering itself through Heart Circles. I attended one of these events with twelve men, and was once again amazed at the selfawareness and the awareness of others that emerged. In particular, one person shared something personal that was very difficult for the group to deal with, and it took two or three days of full day-long Heart Circles to come to resolution. For me, the process of digging more and more deeply for what was real, beyond opinion or belief, was a revelation.

Dozens of times, I have been present in Circle when someone has announced

the taking of a new Faerie name. It’s always marvelous to respond in the traditional Faerie way, saying that person’s new name three times, and it feels particularly strong when witnessed in a Heart Circle.

Not all Radical Faeries appreciate Heart Circles. I am often shocked and saddened when someone expresses this. The excuse is usually an aversion to being forced to listen to negative people ranting and venting and complaining. But in a Circle with clear guidelines, when negativity is expressed, it’s a huge gift. In our world, safe space to express the “shadow,” the darker sides of our lives, is difficult to come by. And how else can we deal with fear and pain, integrating them into our larger life experience, than by speaking them and being heard? Often I feel that avoiding Heart Circles is a way of avoiding both the shadow and the potential for bliss that can result from embracing all of who we are.

It takes courage and discipline to set aside an hour or two or more to be devotedly real. When a Heart Circle is available, it’s often up to each individual to choose to be there or not. May these words provide inspiration for more Radical Faeries to allow the sweetness of Heart Circles into our lives. •

Harry ‘n’ John’s Ashes

By Jerry the Faerie

Dear Friends, I have received requests to write of what happened at the gathering where we scattered the commingled ashes of Harry Hay and John Burnside. Of course this will be a subjective account from memory. I will first write of how Harry ‘n’ John were honored, then a general overview of the Spiritual Gathering of Radical Faeries at the 80-acre Nomenus Radical Faerie Sanctuary at Wolf Creek, Oregon.

Chas brought about half of Harry ‘n’ John’s commingled ashes to the sanctuary for the Sex Magic Workshop last summer. Harry ‘n’ John facilitated these workshops at Wolf Creek every summer from 1990 through 1998. Sometimes they co-facilitated two or even three intensive workshops lasting eight days, ten hours a day, in a single summer. Harry was 86 and John 82 the last year they led them. Chas, with co-facilitators, has been doing the Sex Magic gatherings on the West Coast, and other “graduates” have been leading workshops on the East Coast.

This was the first time in 11 years that Sex Magic had returned to its ancestral home at Wolf Creek. It was also the occasion of the 30th anniversary of the Radical Faeries and the first gathering at an ashram near Benson, Ariz., conceived by Harry ‘n’ John with along with Don Kilhefner and Mitch Walker.

During the Sex Magic workshop some of Harry ‘n’ John’s ashes were scattered under Grandmother Maple on the land. As I was not present for Sex Magic, I cannot recount that portion of the story.

I arrived on the land with Joey Cain

and John O’ Leary around 7:30 p.m. on July 26, in time for the opening circle of the gathering. Along with Chas, the four of us represented the Circle of Loving Companions, who cared for Harry ‘n’ John during the last years of their lives. Chas needed to leave the next day. Joey, John and I took custody of the ashes

ingly, one by one, we spoke not only of our personal recollections and relations with them, but also of how their work changed the world for millions of LGBT people. They were also advocates for Native Americans, other ethnic minorities, workers, the poor and issues of social justice.

We also spoke of John Burnside separately from Harry. Transcending a difficult childhood and being unable to act on his gay desires until middle age, John became a scientist and engineer, started a kaleidoscope factory, invented the teleidescope and symmetricon, all before meeting Harry.

The talisman each of us held while we spoke from the heart was the round stained-glass image of a jolly Buddha-like figure atop a wooden staff created by the late Crit Goin. In the center of the tent where we sat in a circle was an altar adorned a framed photo of them by Danny Nicolleta and framed individual photos, six glasses each containing two faux pearls from one of Harry’s necklaces, a jar adorned with pink ribbon containing Harry ‘n’ John’s ashes, flowers and other objects.

and created an altar for them inside the main building on the land.

On Aug. 31, more than 80 of us came together for a Circle of Remembrance of Harry Hay and John Burnside under a lovely tent in the meadow. Movingly, touchingly, lov -

After the Circle of Remembrance we took a brief recess to prepare for the ritual of scattering the ashes. The ashes were carefully poured into the six large wine glasses on top of the pearls, filling them almost to the top. We reassembled in the meadow near the tent and formed a circle holding hands, facing inward.

In the center of the circle, facing outward, were Joey Cain, John O’Leary, William Stewart, William Gersten, Bill

Harry Hay

Carmichael (aka Lucille) and I, Jerry Berbiar (aka Jerry the Faerie). Each of us held a glass of ashes and spoons to distribute them. Dividing the circle into six sections, we placed spoonfuls of ashes into everyone’s cupped hands. Even so, there were so many ashes that the glasses were mostly full.

The six of us joined the circle facing outward and at a prearranged signal threw our ashes into the air shouting, “Goodbye Harry and John, we love you!” Ashes and small bone fragments blew in the wind across the meadow, some of them back on us. Then we all turned inward to the center of the circle and shouted, “Welcome home”!

The ritual over, people went to their tents to prepare for dressing for dinner and the cooler evening to follow. I first went to the “Walnut Room”, a grassy area shaded by a pair of large walnut trees where Harry ‘n’ John held Sex Magic Workshops over the years. I had been part of four such workshops, three of them under these same trees. I had brought a small amount of ashes I had requested privately, and by myself performed a brief ritual and scattered them there.

On the way to my tent I saw men standing around in the meadow looking upward. The temperature had been more 100 degrees for the five days I was on the land, and reportedly for some time before that. Now a cooling front was moving in, some wind and unusual billowing clouds coming in over the low hills surrounding the meadow. The sun was beginning to set, and the clouds began to glow red, casting a red glow across the already reddish iron rich soil

on the trails around the meadow. This beautiful sight for me was a closing not only to the remembrance ritual and scattering of Harry and John’s ashes, but the closure of a 17year friendship with Harry Hay and 23-year friendship with John Burnside. The same year they befriended

days and remained at 102 or 103 the following three days. We had some small heart circles and workshops the first few days.

On Wednesday we received a huge, ornate, handmade tent loaned to us and brought up in a UHaul truck from San Francisco. Having this shaded place to meet for heart circles and dinner really made the gathering gel. Heart circles now had more than 60 in attendance instead of 15, and there was a space to hang out shielded from the blazing sun for the duration of the gathering.

An amazing, loving, Lammas ritual, with a mudpit where naked mud men could frolic, was a high point of the gathering. Kudos to Zak for lots of hard work and planning to make this happen. Zak, Jesse and others to whom I apologize for not naming made this the first really good SGRF at Wolf Creek in six years, in my opinion. That was solely because of the creativity and hard work of the gathering planners, as well as some of the amazing Radical Faerie men who showed up.

I also want to mention the No-talent show. Talented musicians, singers and performers entertained us. Doing stand up comedy I provided the no-talent part of a very talented show.

me, 1986, was also my first visit to the land which would, only months later, become the Nomenus Radical Faerie Sanctuary.

The 30th anniversary Spiritual Gathering of Radical Faeries began at Wolf Creek on Aug. 26, 2009. The weather was 105 degrees the first two

We also held our traditional fashion show, Ms. Wolf Creek. As one of the judges I had the very difficult task of helping select winners from a bevy of beautiful and talented contestants. What a wonderful transformative, experience this gathering was, aside from being an awful lot of fun! •

John Burnside

1REMEMBRANCES2

David Ray (Hummer) 1972 - 2009

Born July 4, 1972 in Santa Barbara, California, died November 8, 2009 in Seattle, Washington.

David (Hummer as he is known to us) was an early participant in gatherings at Faerie Camp Destiny, while he still lived in Brooklyn. His laughter and sense of theater and frivolity filled many a gathering until he moved west. Before he left though he imparted a wonderful and still thriving gift to the Destiny community, he initiated our sense of theater into the Destiny Players, a purposefully playful set of folks who came together to perform at Lammas each August. Every year a different theme, myth or play was chosen. Over the years the Destiny Players have covered Gilgamesh, The Little

Prince, and Alice in Wonderland.

David was a talented writer, artist, actor and astrologer. He leaves the world a gift of his many writings, paintings, and drawings. He loved life, and was very spiritual. He also loved to dance, cook and play board games. David was always at home in nature whether it be taking a walk in one of Seattle’s many city parks, going camping in the Cascade mountains, hiking in the chaparral country of his native Southern California or exploring the beaches of Hawaii.

Educated at the University of California at Davis and the American College of Vedic Astrology.

In his 8 month battle with lymphoma, he had the support of many

family and friends (and he had many ). During his hospital stays, his room was always busy with visitors and he became a favorite of the nurses. As he made peace with death in his final days, David passed away in his lovely home surrounded by his devoted partner, Marshall Lewis, mother, Mary Ray, father, Homer Ray and his cat Dwayne. He also left behind four sisters, a stepmother, and eight nieces and nephews.

A memorial service took place at Hendry’s Beach in Santa Barbara, CA on Nov. 28, 2009 as well as a memorial service to celebrate his life was held on Jan 23rd, 2010 at the Richard Hugo House in Seattle, WA.

1REMEMBRANCES2

Everett Wright 1947-2009

Everett transitioned to the Big Mystery at his home in Kansas City with his two children and 2 sisters at his side; we are grateful that he was able to leave from his own home with loved ones at his side.

Everett tested HIV positive in 1985 and chose to not do the medical trip; he was incredibly healthy for the next 15 years. Then the slide began and he started the standard HIV meds – but his health deteriorated rapidly. By 2005, he was no longer able to work and about two years later, was mostly confined to his wheel chair – at his home. Mostly, he suffered from stiffness and pain in the joints (neuropathy? arthritis?) Then his eyesight went and he was blind for the last year – not the classic AIDS symptoms – but it’s all related.

I met Everett at the first Midwest Mens Festival (MMF) in 1982 – we had an instant connection: we were both farm boys, the same age, interested in exploring our male-ness, paganism, being playful, etc. We lived about 200 miles apart and began seeing each other regularly: we went for walks, talked, laughed, and then, sex. He’d been out of the closet for some

time – I was just exploring that dimension. Anyway, we remained lovers to the end – although we didn’t have sex the last few years.

Everett was an all around/renaissance person: he had a sprightly energy (I especially liked the nature sprite in him) and he had an infectious smile that lit up his whole face and drew us all in. He was one of the founders of the Midwest Mens Festival – his was not the flamboyant energy – rather the stable/grounding, yet playful energy – that helped keep the festival going. We both went to the festival regularly for the first 20 years. He was also a founder of a pagan group that transitioned to the Sons of the Bitch (now gay and still going. He was Buddhist, gay, parent, pagan, lover, and purveyor of peoples’ stories & relationships – lordy, that girl could tell stories (& had the dirt on everyone!), weave tales, and in the end, we were all part of the fabric. He spent 25 years working at Home Sharing and was instrumental in bringing together many different folks. He was a devoted father to his 2 children (different mothers) – we loved seeing

him with his kids – the nurturing side. He feared that he would not live to see them become adults – but he did! (they are now both past 25).

An apt closure: 4 days after Everett transitioned, his sister & daughter invited “us–all” to his home for an afternoon of remembering/sharing. There were probably 40+ folx that came (family, friends, associates from work, sweethearts, neighbors, etc); at first, folx were subdued (is this a wake?), then more animated – “so, who are you, and how come you are here?” and then: “wow! Isn’t this amazing?! The ambience is SO EVERETT – we exchange stories, remembrances, and in the end – we are all connected. My highlights: his neighbor, Ellen, from across the street, “Well, Stan, I guess we won’t be having coffee and hearing Everett’s stories at this kitchen table anymore”; and Sharon, one of his primary caregivers, who knew him for only 3 months: (in tears) “he changed my life – I don’t even know how – just talking with him – he changed my life”.

Blessed be.

Stan

Christopher Carlson (DreamEagle) 1969 - 2010

DreamEagle first found the Faeries in Portland Oregon and came to a Beltaine Gathering at the Wolf Creek Sanctuary, where he was awakened and inspired to begin the slow process of leaving the mundane life and becoming a full time resident and caretaker of the Wolf Creek Sanctuary where he shared and developed his many talents in the kitchen, garden, and art.

DreamEagle was deeply affected one Beltaine a couple years later when he found out that he and many other Fey had recently sero-converted. Instead of moping and griping about it, he, BumbleBe and others called the first “positive-tea” under Grandmother Maple, to come together and share, witness, and support each other around the issues of being HIV positive. It had such a profound effect on people that Posi -

tive-I-Tea became a tradition at almost every Wolf Creek gathering. DreamE also took it to Zuni and encouraged it to happen elsewhere.

After leaving Wolf Creek, DreamE went back to Portland for a short time, and then headed south to New Mexico to Candy Kitchen, not far from the Zuni Mountain sanctuary, where he built his own cabin in Whooville with the help of Sunshine and others. He planted gardens surrounding his cabin, and continued to learn more and share his knowledge of plants and medicinal herbs. While there he also really got into his art like never before, producing numerous paintings and expanding into ceramics as well.

He became a fixture at the Ramah Farmer’s market selling his ceramics, paintings and homegrown herbs. He

grew his own tobacco which he shared freely...brought sage in baskets to share with others to wrap as smudge sticks.

Another event he spearheaded was during the Queer Shamans Gathering at Zuni where all the ingredients for dinner came from local farms and gardens within 30 miles of the sanctuary.

DreamE hiked the entire length of the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico to Canada with his faithful furry four legged friend Cosmo.

Travel well dear brother. You will be greatly missed by the many many people who’s lives you have deeply touched…

(To read more about Positive-I-Tea and more of his own life in his own words, go to his Tribe page: http:// people.tribe.net/19e53d06-3989-42c79174-3612eb8eeccb ).

more heart circles for those “fae-bors” living around the Sanctuary who don’t want to swamp the Sanctuary’s circle. We hold hands and are silent together for a while, pick a tarot card to break the silence and someone picks up the stick. You can pass if you just want to listen. After an hour or two we stretch, take a short break. It’s nice to have some water available, tea, fruit, chips or cookies to nibble on. We don’t “cross talk,” we wait our turn to speak, although we night hiss or murmur agreement if something touches us. After a couple of rounds we decide if we want a third, and sometimes the third is a little more opened up, the stick may be passed across the room to someone who has one more thing to say, perhaps briefly. Occasionally the energy is about taking a longer break and coming back if the air is still thick with what needs saying, but most often not. We’ll never say it all at once, and anyhow people get tired after too long and can’t listen so easily or speak so effectively.

One more thing I want to say! Remember “The Celestine Prophecy?” One of the lessons is that a group of people will always know who needs to speak next. If we make silence our base line, the next person with the words the group needs to hear will be clear to everyone. Try it, it really can happen! Perhaps it is the next level of the heart circle? The talking stick become less a physical object but an awareness that can be passed psychic-ly across the room. There is not pressure for someone to “talk now” which I sometimes think can engage the head as much as the heart. It would take another level of art, both tuning into the individuals that make the circle, as well as being willing to tune into one’s own powerful heart voice. The timid would have to not hide and the stronger voices would have to resist dominating.

And so it has been said! Don’t reflect too greatly on any of it. Let the words vibrate in the air and feel how they resonate with your own truth. Or not. The more consciously we can live, the more open we are to seeing each other, the wholeness and rightness of ourselves and each other, the more room we have to find and remember and live as we truly are and will ourselves to be.

Your subscription ensures RFD continues traditions begun in 1974 as the oldest reader-written gay journal in the country. Subscription offers a discount over the counter price. In addition to subscriptions, RFD depends on your donations to continue operations. Please consider a donation or $25, $50, $100 or more. You can subscribe online at our website (www.rfdmag.org) or by filling out the form below.

Many thanks!

AsI begin this column I am facing some very conflicting emotions. On the one hand I am delighted to be able to introduce our readers to Ken Shaw (Lashes) who has become a resident at Creekview Farms Retreat where I reside and who has taken on most of the duties relative to processing the many incoming letters from inmates and others including the data entry needed to produce the Quarterly Brothers Behind Bars List. He brings some special talents in having been a Licensed Social Worker in previous positions. He is also responsible for responding to questions from our writers and of acknowledging ad placements. We welcome him aboard.

The sad news and source of troubling emotions for me, is that the saga relative to my life partner continues unabated. As I have previously written he is and has been one of our Brothers Behind Bars ad contributors having been in prisons in California and now in Connecticut. I met Trixi, a mighty, fun and vibrant Trans person, very early on in my tenure as editor which began in 2002. After having lived with me and the others here at Creekview for over three years she was most recently (April 14, 2009) snatched back to Connecticut on an outstanding warrant from 1989 involving an original marijuana possession charge and of

Reflections

Sometimes our life is littered with troubles, that hold us down like a heavyweight, choices we make each Day may build up and direct which of life’s roads we negotiate. With the passage of time, we may come to understand that life is not always fair, life is prone to accidental actions, some lead to radiant rejoicing, others to darkest despair. This is the year to maybe stop holding life’s negatives, let them go, let them escape, this year 2010 and many more forever another birthdate let’s reflect on your life of whose birth and life we celebrate.

Horace Carter, #218533 Wisconsin Secure Program Facility PO Box 9900 Boscobel, WI 53805

Prison Pages

Edited by Myrlin (Harry Vedder)

having left a post prison program and fleeing to Oregon following threats to her life. Connecticut had notice of her presence in Oregon following an arrest there shortly after arriving. Connecticut failed to extradite and allowed Oregon to release her on parole.

After holding her for about a year on a two-year commitment Connecticut granted parole as of March 10, 2010 with a recommendation for transfer back to Tennessee under an interstate compact. Now Tennessee has rejected that request and Trixi faces release to a half way house or to the streets in Connecticut. My current understanding is that there is some kind of federal or state law forbidding an Interstate Compact unless the person receiving the inmate is a “Direct Blood Relative.” This problem keeps coming up and Trixi, having no Blood Relatives that he/she knows of, is up a creek. The stress is great because if we had been allowed to marry as is our intention this would not be an issue. Connecticut recognizes gay marriage, Tennessee does not. So where do we go from here? That is the big question.

I only share all of this as it is a clear example of the problems faced by many of our Brothers Behind Bars and their significant others whether family or spouses. It confirms the need for pen

pals and friends to help support those unfortunate enough to get caught up in the (sic) Criminal Justice System as we know it. I could ramble on and on about “follow the money” to see who benefits from having people locked up for long sentences. I could urge you to find out how many of your legislators own stock in the various Prison Organization traded on the New York Stock Exchange (ie. Corrections Corporation of America based in Tennessee. But I won’t rant too long. Please write for the list BBB, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN, 37095 and send your donations of $3.00 to $10.00 for and issue of the list which comes out quarterly at the same times as the RFD Issues. You may contact me directly at: bbbmyrlin@yahoo.com.

Meet some of the very interesting guys needing friends. You may find some real gems in terms of friendship for yourselves and will soon find that you are of great value to those you write.

Enough of that! Now let me introduce you to some of the fabulous men you will be writing. I can only do this by letting them speak for themselves in terms of their poetry, prose and art work. As much of the art work and the pictures are in color in the BBB List you are only getting a hint of the beauty involved. Please get involved.

Michael Sparks (TX).

The Truth About Vampirism

By: Billy J. Radan AKA: Wolf BlueEagle

There are many who claim to be a vampire and/or to practice vampirism, yet – not all of those individuals understand the concept of vampirism nor the social implications that accompany such a claim.

True, there is/are those who really do believe themselves to be vampires and/ or vampiric in the way they are/act. But who really has any absolute definition of vampirism?

The plain and simple definition of vampirism is this: “The act of consuming the blood and/or life-energy of another being, whether it be humans, animals or plants.”

The act of consuming the blood/lifeenergy of another being, should never be forceful. It should always be done consensually and with numerous safety precautions, to prevent legal issues as well as blood-borne illnesses.

There are many books and movies that portray the vampire as a supernatural “Super-being.” The truth is, that’s all just for the purpose of the entertainment and to make it worth your time to read the books and watch the movies.

The simple fact is that we can all eat garlic (unless we have food allergies), we can all go out into the Sun (if we choose to), and we don’t have superhuman abili-

My DJ

When you are gone what can I do

How do I live my life without you?

You were everything in the world to me

ties (such as flying, immortality, super strength/sight smell, etc…)!

We are the same as any other humanbeing on this earth. We are still able to get sick and die a “mortal” death, just like everyone else.

So you may ask: “If vampires are just like other humans, why all the drinking of blood and or consuming life-energy (psychic energy)?” Well the fact is that some (not all) people drink blood and or consume psychic energy due to some undefined lack of sustenance within their mind and or body.

Truthfully – blood (if fresh) contains very high levels of vitamins/minerals (especially iron) that their own bodies may be lacking. Albeit, there are many who claim to be vampires and who do drink blood to get attention (due to mental illness), there are those of us that truly are vampires and not just some attentionseeking whack-job!

Ultimately, only the individual can know what their true intention(s) are to the claims/actions!

Billy John Radan #120535 F4-25 Colorado State Prison PO Box 777 Canon City, CO 81215

Mr. Radan has also submitted his version of “A Vampiric Code of Ethics” which is an interesting read and will be available with the Spring Brothers Behind Bars List.

I cry out to those whose spirits feel more than the common man

I reach out to you –my queer brothers and sisters, misunderstood, yet, undaunted We forge on, proclaiming our pride, Stand upbut more important Stand out.

“You”

Blazing beams of light permeate the surfacebecome the surface of the objectthe obelisk, the not so secret pattern of a smile. I saw the new day rising as I slid into my shoes, walked the streets admiring artifacts of ten-year-old lost civilizations’ the tears of angels pouring on my brow…

and you?

Who saw me in the room exploring new depths of a pencil, scratching on the surface of a white once-tree We met an eon afterheated talks of new dimensions and the power of the tongue, the holy word…. and you?

In the grasp of mornings madness I propelled myself toward doorways packed a suitcase of belongings, left the dim, dark abode of rats, roaches, remorse… and you.

Rickey Pearson #1115020 Michael Unit

2664 FM 2054 Tennessee Colony, TX 75886

William

Ray Trent 143402 SMU-3-9

Rt. 5, Box 1000 Sandy Hook, KY 41171

Ken Yarbrough (TX)

Finally I am going to include here a portion of Chapter 1 of a book written by an inmate in Wisconsin. I started reading it and typing it out and couldn’t stop until I had completed it. The entire Chapter 1 and the full color Cover Drawing is available in BBB Issue #140 and is available by writing BBB PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095.

Blood Lust CHAPTER ONE

Alone

I sat at the downtown bus stop. People wandered far off down the street looking for a way to escape the bone numbing chill of another New York City winter. I was dressed warmly on my way home from a friends surprise birthday party for me. 18 year old and still wore a waist length lambskin coat, knitted blue hat and mittens in this day and age. I think I had just turned fifteen. I never could grow facial hair. My slender build was male Vogue magazine model that I garnered the pet name “Chicken Little.” My round blue eyes cast a drowsy glance down the street for the last city bus that would come tonight. I would rather walk home all the way to the Bronx before I road the train at this hour. My surfer style blond hair became tossed by a mean wind that ripped my ninety dollar knit hat clean from my warm head. I sprung up and ran in a darting manner trying to scoop it up out of its tumble through the snow. Suddenly glaring lights illuminated the muddy side street I had slid to a halt in. “The Bus!” I yelled to myself. I stood doe eyed and still trying to decide on my hat or my only ride home. I broke into a dead run for the bus stop yet the bus over took me. I slid to a stop as the bus powered down the street and laughed at me with its glaring red tail lights. “Damn it!” I yelled as I struck my side with clenched fists. Tears began to sting my eyes through my frus-

tration. Surely my father would tear into me over this too telling me how “a man would have responsibility, caught that last bus instead of trying to be a cute boy looking to rescue his precious designer hat.” I had an hour and forty five minutes to be at his doorstep or I would sleep in the garage with my beautiful poodle Trixie. I walked back and got my hat when I noticed up the street at the cross section sat that damn jet black Dodge Viper with the white racing stripe again. This is the third time its found me, and always when I’m alone at night. Fear raced up my spine in a cold chill, yet my heart beat in excitement. Who was that driver and did I know him? Is he a crazed stalker or serial killer? I’m nobody famous so what’s his deal? His car had no tinted windows, yet all I could ever see of him was a white glare behind the windshield. “Get a grip Travis.”

I told myself, “He is just a regular New Yorker night owl who loves to speed the city streets at night is all!” The stop sign turned green and the viper crawled down the street to pass me. In that instant I was compelled to look into the car. I had to see if I knew the driver. There is where our eyes met. I felt as if I had stuck my finger

into a light socket. The bite of the fluffy snow flakes barely compared to the cold belt of ice that fell over me when I beheld him. So gorgeous he was sitting calmly yet powerfully behind the steering wheel. A cold sweat had formed under my clothes but I felt the quickening beat of my heart heat the fire building in my loins. I stared at his chiseled features. Sharp cheek bones, pouty pink rose petal soft lips, long thick black hair parted in the middle and combed to the side. His emerald green eyes seemed to know me. They spoke to me his eyes, they reached out to me from the depths of his very pale face. His chest was bare and the taut muscles were visible, so much that I literally yearned to touch it. And in a swift motion he was gone up the street and out of sight. The cold biting wind brought me back to my senses. I had never in all my life seen any man so beautiful A sculpture he was of living tissue and breathing existence. I began to walk while still lost in thought about this seemingly innocent yet seductive encounter.

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Dancing In the Moonlight: A Radical Faerie Reader

A 30th Anniversary Celebration

Edited by Don Kilhefner, Ph.D., and Mark Thompson

Osiris, Associate Editor

An inspiring collection of over 40 essays from around the world.

About how being a Radical Faerie has changed a life.

Pub Date: Fall 2010

Advertise

Mark Thompson

the skinny.....

SUBMISSIONS

We accept submissions via U.S. Mail, or email at submissions@rfdmag.org. When sending electronic files by either method, save the text files as an MS Word Doc, Rich Text (RTF), or Simple Text. Images should be high resolution (minimum one mega-byte (1 MB) in TIFF or JPG. Your work may also be used on our website.

WRITING

We welcome your submission. Suggested length is 500 to 2,500 words. We will carefully edit. If you intentionally mean to vary a spelling, let us know. We will contact you if your submission is selected. Contributors receive one copy of the issue in which their work appears and a second copy upon request. Your may also be used on our website.

ART

We always need fresh drawings and photos. Drawings should be quality black and white. Photos can be color or black and white. Original digital camera files work well. Original artwork should be scanned at 300 dpi or higher. Line art should be scanned at 1200 dpi. We may crop your photo to fit our format.

Advertising Rates

DUE DATES

November 1st for Winter, February 1st for Spring, May 1st for Summer; August 1st for Autumn.

ADVERTISING

For rates, contact us by phone or email or get it from our website.

BACK ISSUES

Recent issues are $7 postage paid. Many earlier issues are available. Call us or email us at business@rfdmag.org for availability.

COPYRIGHT

RFD is copyrighted. Credited material remains the property of the contributor. Non-credited material may be republished with attribution.

MAILING

RFD is published quarterly and mailed around the Solstice or Equinox of the quarter. Second class mail can take a while. Let us know if you have not received your copy after a month. Second class mail is NOT forwarded. Let us know if you move.

Our basic advertising rate is $4.00 per square inch per issue. For repeat issues we offer discounts of 5% for two issues, 10% for three issues, and 15% for a full year (four issues).

If you do not have a prepared ad, the RFD staff can prepare one for you from your photographs and text. We charge $75/hr for layout.

Prepared ads should be provided in PDF format or high resolution JPG or TIF (300dpi or 500KB minimum file size). We will scan ad artwork for a fee of $20. RFD is not responsible for poor reproduction due to low resolution artwork.

Following are some examples to help you size your ad.

We accept advertising for products or services that we feel may be of positive value to our readers. Repeating ads will be re-run as given unless new copy is provided by closing date. New ads coming in late will be run next issue unless otherwise stated. Full payment for ads is required by closing date for ad to appear in the new issue.

Submissions: submissions@rfdmag.org

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Announcing the Fall 2010 Issue: Queer Sustainability

We’re all been reading about the coming climate catastrophe and how reducing our carbon footprint and ecological impact will help make a difference. Obviously, the folks at RFD have known that “Back to the Land” is the best way forward as we’ve been talking about back to the land movements since the 1970s. Everything from homesteading, alternative energy and building practices to organic gardening and communal living. Now we’re looking for your take on these issues in a political climate which is getting somewhat better about organic food and a vegetarian (or low meat diet), green energy, reducing our energy consumption and living lightly on the Earth.

Ideas or themes we’d love to hear about for this issue:

• Organic gardening -- what’s worked for you? how do you store your produce for long term use?

• Local foods -- are you a localvore?, do you have a share in a local farm?, are you a local grower?

• Diet -- have you gone organic, eating local produced food, or became a vegetarian / vegan? how has the experience been?

• Recipes -- what cool recipes have you come up with?

• Reducing your carbon footprint -- ride sharing, biking, buying local products (not just food),

recycling, living communally

• Reducing your energy use -- buying alternative energy, using solar or wind on your property

• Alternative buildings - have you built a home with alternative materials (strawbale, mud, timber framing)? what suggestions would you share?

• What have you done to better your immediate environment (attend an anti-nuke rally, started / joined a coop, planted trees)?

• How do you think these issues tie into being part of the queer movement? How do you feel being gay identified informs the issue of sustainability?

If you are interested in helping guest edit this issue be in touch with Bambi at the email listed below. The deadline for this issue is July 18, 2010. Please try to have it in before the deadline if at all possible. Submissions can be sent to submissions@rfdmag. org–please title your piece within the attached file and if you are sending artwork or pictures please be sure they are at least 300 dpi and 1 megabyte in size. We encourage folks to send in photos, graphics for this and any issue.

RFD Collective

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a reader created quarterly celebrating queer diversity