NO MAN IS AN ISLAND
HOME SAFE
MARRIAGE IS A TEAM SPORT BY NEIL JOSEPHSON
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ports are huge in my family. our elbows up, take a number and My wife, our two sons, and I get even, to destroy and defeat the were all university other, to win at all costs, sports athletes, so we might be a difficult THE KEY IS you can imagine how person to be married to. FORGIVENESS, much time was spent in We might need a new TO FORGIVE EACH gyms and rinks and on perspective —to think diamonds (and in the about marriage more OTHER JUST AS least expensive hotel like golf, specifically like GOD IN CHRIST we could find for all the a two-person scramble. HAS FORGIVEN US. tournaments). In this golf format, Sports taught us each player plays their profound life lessons about training own golf ball. Then they decide and teamwork, about winning and together which ball is in the best losing, about owning the results of position for the next shot. Both play our effort and making peace with from there and once again mutually what we can’t control. decide which shot provides the best The insights we gained from a option moving forward. Like a great life of sports continue to shape our marriage, right? Two people working character and even our work with together, doing their best, sharing FamilyLife — strengthening the successes, and covering misplays. marriages and families of Canada. Here are two sports analogies that A HEALTHY MARRIAGE IS MORE LIKE help me think better about marriage: BASEBALL THAN FOOTBALL Football is a game of field position. A HEALTHY MARRIAGE IS MORE LIKE You don’t have to score on every GOLF THAN TENNIS possession; you just need to In tennis, only one player can win gain ground. If you do, scoring is each point. Either I get it, or you get inevitable. But when you are losing it. We are, in the sporting sense of field position, you are doomed. the word, enemies. The dynamic in Because field position is critical, golf is completely different. Unless teams fight for every yard, they dig in we play the game for a living, golf is and make every effort to resist being not played in opposition; it’s played moved—great characteristics for a side by side. In golf, we don’t have football team but pretty destructive enemies; we have partners. This in marriage. is the right attitude for marriage, I talk to lots of men who feel like but it can be difficult for highly they are pinned on their own goal competitive people. line in their marriage, who are either If sports have taught us to keep digging in or trying a desperate hail
32 SEVEN SPRING 2020
Mary play to get out of danger. And I encourage these guys to think differently about marriage—to think baseball and not football. When you fail in baseball—let’s say you swing and miss—you get another pitch, another chance to do it right. If you don’t get a hit at bat, you get another turn in an inning or two, and even better, you start with a new count—no balls, no strikes—a true new beginning. The key is forgiveness, to forgive each other just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). We aren’t backed up to our end zone today because of the mistakes of yesterday, and we don’t back our spouse into the end zone either. Each day is a clean start, a new inning, a new at-bat, another pitch and a new opportunity to get it right. To love better, communicate better, care better, lead better. And that my brothers, to make another baseball analogy, is how to get home safe.
/ NEIL JOSEPHSON is the National Director with FamilyLife Canada. Neil, together with his wife Sharol, lead FamilyLife Canada. Neil loves to learn, teach and write about anything related to marriage, family and Christian discipleship. Married since 1982, Neil and Sharol have two great sons, two awesome daugther-in-laws and three of the sweetest grandchildren ever.
