"What did you say?" (January/February 2011)

Communicating in a confusing world

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january – february 2011

What did you say?

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contents

january — february, 2011

on the cover 14–23

Turn connection into communication

How can we cut through the noise and confusion and get to the heart of the matter? Articles and columns throughout this issue help men grapple with the difficult business of actually communicating—of hearing and being heard.

Publisher: Brian Koldyk Managing Editor: Doug Koop Pulse Editor: Robert White Associate Editor: Jerrad Peters

advertising account executives:

features

WILLIAM LEIGHTON: william@christianweek.org DARRELL FRIESEN: darrell@christianweek.org JIM HICKS: jhicks@christianweek.org Unless otherwise indicated, neither ChristianWeek nor Promise Keepers Canada guarantee, warrant, or endorse any product, program, or service advertised.

12 Bully pulpit Popular author Max Lucado discovers the sacrificial side of Scripture. Can he make an unwelcome message palatable to comfortable North Americans?

14 Lost in translation Men can learn to speak—and listen—so women understand.

18 Be heard above the din Christians can communicate in the public square.

editorial advisory board KIRK GILES: Promise Keepers Canada JEFF STEARNS: Promise Keepers Canada PHIL WAGLER: Gracepoint Community Church SANDRA REIMER: Reimer Reason Communications DOUG KOOP: ChristianWeek Distributed by

promise keepers canada

20 Profile: Football hero puts truth before touchdowns Tim Tebow makes no apologies for his politics or faith.

24 Profile: Called by God to sing and play From solo act to symphony headliner, Steve Bell is crafting a significant career.

1295 North Service Road PO Box 40599 Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 (905) 331-1830 subscriptions@promisekeepers.ca Postmaster: Please send address changes to PO Box 40599, Burlington, ON L7P 4W1 ISSN 1916-8403 Cover image: iStockphoto

departments

columns 5 PK Podium Conflict can be good 6 Man to Man Model good communication with your kids.

26 Money Matters Change happens: Your financial plan needs to keep pace.

8-11 Pulse Curious events. Interesting people. Good ideas.

13 Reviews Decide well, my friend 28 Power Play Tools. Toys. Technology.

27 Out of My Depth Watch your mouth

The name reflects the seven promises that form the basis of the Promise Keepers organization, which works with churches to minister to men across Canada. one – A Promise Keeper is committed to honouring Jesus Christ through worship, prayer, and

Phone: (204) 982-2060 (800) 263-6695 admin@christianweek.org dkoop@christianweek.org Design: Indigo Ink Studios www.indigoinkstudios.com

30 What Women Want Chatting your way to the bedroom

SEVEN is a Christian magazine for Canadian men that exists to help men lead more fulfilling lives and leave enduring legacies.

Editorial and Advertising Office 204-424 Logan Avenue Winnipeg, MB R3A 0R4

obedience to God's word in the power of the Holy Spirit. two – A Promise Keeper is committed to pursuing vital relationships with a few other men, understanding that he needs brothers to help him keep his promises. three – A Promise Keeper is committed to practising spiritual, moral, ethical, and sexual purity.

four – A Promise Keeper is committed to building strong marriages and families through love, protection, and biblical values. five – A Promise Keeper is committed to supporting the mission of the church by honouring and praying for his pastor, and by actively giving his time and resources.

six – A Promise Keeper is committed to reaching beyond any racial and denominational barriers to demonstrate the power of biblical unity. seven – A Promise Keeper is committed to influencing his world, being obedient to the Great Commandment (see Mark 12:30-31) and the Great Commission (see Matt 28:19-20).

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MISSION: To ignite and equip men to become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ – resulting in homes, churches, workplaces, communities and nations impacted and shaped by the grace of God through the lives of men.

Walking With You… The King’s Men Study Guides WALKING WITH THE MASTER & SHOULDER TO SHOULDER The King’s Men is a series of discussions, studies, and activities that will engage men in a life of freedom, risk, sacrifice, and significance.

Discipleship Training Unleashed A weekend retreat where you can experience in-depth training to discover how to become a better equipped Godly man.

Using the 7 Promises of a Promise Keeper, men will journey through the life of Jesus and discover how He prepared His followers to be men the world would describe as those “who turned the world upside down.” (Acts 17:6)

Resources sent to your home SEVEN Magazine, Men of Integrity Devotional and World Class Speakers... Relevant biblical resources for your daily walk.

These small group resources will help you and your men’s group continue where the conference left off.

Visit www.PromiseKeepers.ca

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON WHAT

PROMISE KEEPERS CANADA CAN DO FOR YOU AND YOUR CHURCH.

PK Podium

Conflict can be good Dealing with difference is necessary and leads to growth

by Kirk Giles

One of the first lessons I learned in ministry to men is that conflict can be a good thing. The Christian community is not usually known for handling conflict well. We are very good at criticizing each other, or we are very good at complaining about each other (without doing it face to face).

There is a sense by some that conflict is “unChristian.” In our desire to love each other, there are some who believe we can only talk positively to each other.

Unfortunately, this has resulted in many shallow relationships and has made Christianity to be perceived as a “weak” faith by some.

I have come to learn that the spiritual gifts actually create tension and conflict that can produce a stronger Body of Christ.

For example, I have the gift of administration; it is just the way God wired me.

For many years, people who have the gift of faith would drive me crazy. I would like things organized in a certain way and they would keep challenging me to just trust God. There would be times that I would get frustrated because I felt that someone with the gift of faith was minimizing all that needed to be done to see a ministry project happen.

Meanwhile, I was frustrating them because it appeared I was trying to do things in my own strength without trusting God. Conflict would arise,

either direct or indirect.

It is only when I recognize that someone is potentially exercising their spiritual gift that I can begin to resolve the tension that arises in my own heart in these times of conflict.

We have been trained and conditioned to question the motives in everyone.

Imagine how our approach to conflict would be different if our starting point with fellow believers in Jesus was different.

Imagine if we believed that everyone wanted the same outcome (God to be glorified), and everyone was simply coming at it from a different perspective or using a different spiritual gift.

Over the past 15 years, our team at PK Canada has been involved in various moments of conflict. I can say that this conflict has, when addressed properly, helped us get stronger relationally and in our work. For us, the key lessons have been: 1) Someone must initiate the difficult discussion and do it with an attitude of humility. This usually happens by asking a hard question or making a challenging statement.

2) Others in the room must receive the difficult question with a spirit of humility. We must believe there is at least the potential that God is speaking through that person to others in that moment.

When done with the appropriate attitudes (both in giving and receiving), conflict can help us build stronger relationships and be more effective for the Kingdom. Let us be people who use conflict to glorify God. Kirk Giles is president of Promise Keepers Canada.

He and Shannon have been married for 15 years.

They are the parents of four children, ages 7-14.

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man to man

Keep on talking How do we model good communication with our kids?

by Rod Wilson

A combination of three words creates the perfect storm—communication, children and fathers!

Communication. What did you say?

What did you mean? What are you trying to say?

Children. God have mercy. Confused.

Confusing. Unreachable. Cute, but impossible.

Fathers. Too busy. Weary. Lots of expectations. Misunderstood. Frustrated.

Fathers and mothers have been placed in positions of authority and this authority is not related to how loud we yell or how much pressure we exert. The Bible makes it clear (Romans 13:1-5) that all authority comes from the One who has ultimate authority. That means as a dad all the authority I have, whether I like it or not, is delegated from God and I am stewarding that responsibility. It is not my own.

Once you understand that authority is not your own you can more easily ask the question, “How do I use the authority that God has given to me?”

Jesus draws an interesting distinction when He compares the way the Gentile leaders made use of their authority (Matthew 20:24-28) by lording it over others, while those who were infused with the spirit of Christ used their authority by serving and giving their lives for others. In a similar vein, the Apostle Paul indicates that his apostolic authority is for building up, not tearing down (2 Corinthians 13:10).

And what about children? While biblical images may not match what we see as our screen-obsessed, cell phone addicted, text messengers, Jesus uses children as an image of the Kingdom (Mark 10:13-16). The Psalmist describes

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them as a heritage and a reward (127:3) and the writer of the Proverbs says they will be a crown for those who are older (17:6). The wife of noble character at the end of Proverbs (31:28) is promised that her children will call her blessed.

In recognizing the authority structure that children are placed within, the Apostle Paul outlines their responsibilities very clearly in Ephesians 6:1-4. They are to obey their parents, a statement that probably references the time when they are living within the context of the parental home, and also honour their father and mother, an injunction that reflects respect whether one is young and at home or older and far away from parents. It is in that same context that the writer reminds parents not to provoke their children to anger but to raise them with intentionality toward the Lord’s instruction.

If we have no interest in the Bible, or do not believe it has anything to say about contemporary challenges, we may want to disregard this material. But if we read it thoughtfully we will recognize that these principles become orienting points for our role as dads and provide the foundation for communication.

Our authority has been given to us by God, not so we can be bossy and controlling but so we can serve our children, give our lives for them, with a focus on building up, not tearing down.

And while they need to obey and honour us, our posture should not be one of irritating them but a trajectory that guides and leads them toward the Lord’s wisdom.

“Yeah, that’s all great but I cannot talk with my son. He is impossible. And my

daughter? No magazine article is going to help our communication. The two of them prefer any screen over any conversation.”

One of the things we know about communication is that we cannot make others communicate but we can absorb ourselves in what we need to do. So what kinds of commitments do we, as fathers, need to make when it comes to this area?

Proverbs gives us a clear sense that the wise person is one who communicates consistently (3:27; 25:19), honestly (27:9; 28:23) and sensitively (12:16; 25:20).

Consistency in a relationship with a child communicates that I will not be thrown by everything they do and say, but will seek to be faithful and loyal. Honesty signifies that I will be direct, open and transparent and will not play games.

Sensitivity affirms that I will pay attention to the child, their peculiarities, individuality, weaknesses and strengths and seek to relate to them in a way that takes these into consideration.

It would be a lot easier if communication between fathers and children was a five-step program. But when we live under the canopy of God’s Word and will, it is our task as fathers to understand foundational biblical truths and then live them before our children as we practise consistency, honesty and sensitivity, all the while recognizing that our faithful parenting may not result in perfect communication.

Rod Wilson is president of Regent College in Vancouver, where he also serves as professor of Counselling and Psychology.

pulse

Curiousities. Personalities.

Ideas. Information.

by Robert White PULSE Editor

FIRST PK CANADA MISSION TRIP HEADING TO DOMINICAN REPUBLIC Promise Keepers Canada wants a dozen men to put their hammers where their hearts are. Ian Nairn, discipleship manager for PK Canada will lead the group to the Dominican Republic where they’ll add a classroom to a school so high school students can start attending.

“It’s been on our hearts for number of years to provide an opportunity for guys to put some action behind their commitment to honour the Lord,” says Nairn about the April 8-16 missions trip—the first PK Canada has organized. “We want men to serve and get an extra vision beyond themselves.”

Nairn who has “carried the nations in my heart for a number of years” is a missions’ trip veteran. He’s traveled to Argentina and Uruguay with a group of pastors from his hometown of Winnipeg. And, with YFC, he’s been to leadership training schools in Hong Kong, Taiwan and Bangkok, Thailand.

The PK Canada missions’ team will comprise 12 men, including Nairn who will team up with Worldwide Christian Schools for the project. While construction is a key part of the trip, so is serving the local people.

A series of conference and, where possible, video calls, will help the team members get to know each other before the trip. The first face-to-face meeting of the team will take place when it leaves from Toronto on April 8.

Anyone wanting info on the trip can e-mail info@promisekeepers.ca for more information.

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BOYS’ SCHOOLS A SOLUTION TO MEN’S PROBLEMS? Today’s headlines suggest men are in trouble: “Are we raising our boys to be underachieving men?” (Maclean’s); “The end of men” (Atlantic); “Are men being robbed of their masculinity?”

(Globe and Mail); and “Men’s Lib” (Newsweek).

Every story has the same theme: the recession hit men the hardest and women have picked up the slack. According to Newsweek, the “Great Recession…decimated male-heavy industries like construction and manufacturing.” Leading, says the Globe and Mail, to the “rabid concern that men are being robbed of their essential masculinity.”

The root of the problem, suggested the Globe and Mail in a week-long series, starts at school where “compelling statistics show boys rank behind girls by nearly every measure of scholastic achievement.”

Maclean’s joined the chorus, quoting author of Why Boys Fail Richard Whitmire: “Any country allowing 60/40 female-male college graduation rates isn’t putting its ‘best team’ forward.”

The solution, suggests Maclean’s, is single-sex schools.

Separating boys and girls can create settings more conducive to the way each learn and interact with their peers, says Leslie Anne Dexter, vice-president, academics, at the Sterling Hall School, an all-boys’ elementary school in Toronto.

At Sterling Hall boys can stand in the classroom, because they can’t sit very long. And the school bases its academic program on the understanding that boys’ brains are compartmentalized so the curriculum breaks subjects down into discrete steps.

The same-sex model doesn’t score points with everyone.

Charles Ungerleider, sociology of education professor at the University of British Columbia, says there’s no concrete proof single-sex schools make a difference.

Ungerleider says the gender gap is closing. Schools now give boys more reading options (literacy rates are an oft-cited divide between boys and girls) and teachers intervene earlier when academic troubles arise. And, he also says, teachers are more aware of whether they treat boys and girls differently— from how they ask questions to how they deal with behavioural problems.

DECIDING ON FILMDOM’S 100 ESSENTIAL MOVIES

GOVERNMENTS NEED TO STOP GAMBLING

How do you decide what the 100 most essential movies in the world are? With lots of arguing and debate. But Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) staff—Noah Cowan, Piers Handling, Cameron Bailey, Andréa Picard and Steve Gravestock— spent hours setting the parameters for Essential Cinema.

“That was probably the hardest thing to nail,” says Cowan, artistic director for Bell Lightbox—TIFF’s new downtown Toronto home—in the Toronto Star. “We define ‘essential’ as halfway between best and most influential, because we felt that really balanced the subjective and objective.”

There were actually three lists of 100 films: one by the TIFF experts, one by the public stakeholders and the final list, compiled by sifting through the top picks of the experts and the public.

While you’d expect the experts’ list would be filled with “artistic” or “serious” films, it turned out they had more blockbusters than the public list. The experts put Steven Spielberg’s Jaws on the top 100 list, while it didn’t even rank on the public list.

“That happened a lot,” Cowan says. “The public and the experts actually agreed on directors but, often, not on the films.”

So what made the list? The top 10 films were: 1. The Passion of Joan of Arc (Carl Theodor Dreyer) 2. Citizen Kane (Orson Welles) 3. L’avventura (Michaelangelo Antonioni) 4. The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola) 5. Pickpocket (Robert Bresson) 6. Seven Samurai (Akira Kurosawa) 7. Pather Panchali (Satyajit Ray) 8. Casablanca (Michael Curtiz) 9. Man with a Movie Camera (Dziga Vertov) 10. Bicycle Thieves (Vittorio De Sica)

British Columbia and Quebec recently approved online gambling. Ontario wants to do the same thing. The Institute of Marriage and Family Canada (IMFC) thinks governments need to stop gambling with people’s lives.

“Governments think they’re increasing their revenue,” says IMFC lead researcher Derek Miedema, author of the IMFC research paper Government gambling and broken families: How problem gambling affects families. “They may find they must spend more money on social programs to combat the ill effects of problem gambling.”

A 2009 report found 3.2 per cent of Canadian adults are either moderate or severe problem gamblers. A Statistics Canada study says this stands for about 828,000 adults. Further research shows between five and 10 people are affected by one problem gambler. That might mean between 12 and 25 per cent Canadians are affected by problem gambling.

Problem gambling leads to higher rates of stress, depression, anxiety and substance abuse. On average, low income households spend more than twice as much on gambling as high income households as a percentage of their income. This means gambling profits are disproportionately drawn from the poor, which suggests government-run gambling is a tax on the poor.

More research on the affects of problem gambling is needed.

In Nova Scotia, a province-wide study on the social and economic costs of gambling was started but then shelved by the government for unclear reasons.

In the meantime, the IMFC recommends: governments get out of the gambling business; stop looking at gambling as a way to increase revenue; and halt further expansion of gambling.

For a list of other 90 films, visit http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/movies/article/872370-howell-the-jaws-that-bite-and-the-birth-that-lived

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pulse

SONGS THAT MAKE MEN CRY What song makes men cry the most? REM’s “Everybody Hurts,” reports Christianity Today. The list was created by PRS for Music, an organization that collects and pays royalties to songwriters and composers.

“A well-written tear-jerker is one that people can relate to and empathize with,” says PRS for Music chair Ellis Rich. “It’s this lyrical connection that can reach deep down emotionally and move even the strongest of men.”

“Everybody Hurts” became an anthem for the forlorn since it was released in 1992. It became the fastest selling charity record in Britain when it was covered earlier this year by a host of pop stars to raise money for Haiti earthquake survivors.

Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven”—written following the death of his four-year-old son in 1991—came in second. Third place on the list belonged to “Hallelujah” by Canada’s own Leonard Cohen.

The complete top 10 comprises: 1) “Everybody Hurts”—REM 2) “Tears in Heaven”—Eric Clapton 3) “Hallelujah”—Leonard Cohen 4) “Nothing Compares 2 U”—Sinead O’Connor 5) “With Or Without You”—U2 6) “The Drugs Don’t Work”—The Verve 7) “Candle In the Wind”—Elton John 8) “Streets of Philadelphia”—Bruce Springsteen 9) “Unchained Melody”—Righteous Brothers 10) “Angels”—Robbie Williams

MAKING COMMUNION, BAPTISM MANLIER David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church and The Map: The Way of All Great Men, has a few ideas of how to make communion and baptism manlier.

Murrow made the suggestions in two separate posts on his www.churchformen.com website. In the first post,

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he recalls thinking about communion when his church began offering a sterile communion featuring pre-filled communion cups with a wafer on top.

“I’m not much of a traditionalist; however, these sterile elements really bothered me,” Murrow writes. “I struggled to know why. The bread and cup are just symbols, so quality shouldn’t matter, should it?”

With a quick tour through church history, Murrow realized “the Lord’s Supper is the one and only time Protestants allow themselves to worship God with all five senses. They hear God’s Word as the minister gives instruction. They see and touch the elements in their hands. And they smell and taste as the bread and cup come to their lips.”

To let men use all their senses by creating a communion feast that will help men experience God, Murrow says to: • Use the freshest, most aromatic, full-bodied bread possible.

• Instead of pre-cutting the bread, allow the saints to tear off individual pieces.

• Encourage men to take a big piece of bread if they choose.

• Instead of serving people in their seats, invite them to come forward.

• If your church rules allow it, use real wine.

Murrow’s second post took on baptism, describing it as “a whole-body reminder that our old self has died with Christ, and a new creation has been born.” To enhance the experience for men, Murrow suggests a “tap-out baptism.”

During immersion, “the minister places a hand on the top of the candidate’s head and pushes him straight down into the water as the candidate bends his knees.

“The minister holds the candidate underwater for as long as the candidate wants to remain submerged. When the candidate ‘taps out’ the minister releases his hold and the candidate comes shooting out of the water, to the cheers of those assembled.”

Murrow only suggests the tap-out baptism as an option and not a replacement—especially for men with medical conditions and who need a traditional baptism.

“I think young men would particularly love this type of baptism,” writes Murrow. “This would be a great form of baptism to use during a men’s retreat. And men being men, I suppose some might compete to see who can stay under the water longest.

As long as men understand a lengthy immersion isn’t any better than a quick one, I don’t think the Lord will mind.”

LOOKING FOR FAITHFUL MEN The Christian Men’s Network called men to “a higher standard of masculinity” at its conference in Dallas, Texas last fall.

Founded more than 30 years ago by Maximized Manhood author Edwin Louis Cole, CMN is one of the first men’s ministries.

Cole, known as the Father of the Modern Men’s Movement, travelled the world—including Canada—with his book encouraging men to “wake up.”

At its Lion’s Roar Men’s Summit, CMN focused on masculinity in men and helping men to govern themselves like Christ so they can lead others. The network has so far trained more than 86,000 leaders in 138 nations.

“The issue in our culture today is the immaturity in our men,” says CMN president (and son of its founder) Paul Louis Cole.

“To be a real man is to be more like Christ. Jesus was a strong man; He wasn’t a wimp man, He wasn’t a feminine man, yet He was highly compassionate. The stronger a man is at the core of his character, the more compassionate he can be in the outreach of his hands.

“What God is looking for is what every woman is looking for— not a man of great power, but a man who will be faithful.

When we develop faithful men, we develop mature men.”

In addition to training men to be leaders, CMN also conducts integrity training for young men. At Dallas public schools, the movement helps young men who lack leaders and father figures in their own homes. Seventy four per cent of the children in public schools in Dallas lack the presence of a father in the home.

Citing a quote in his father’s book, Cole says, “When a man acts like a child, it forces his wife to act like his mother.”

PORN’S ROOTS IN TECHNOLOGICAL INNOVATION VCRs, DVDs, cable TV and many Internet applications have one thing in common suggests Patchen Barss, author of The Erotic Engine: pornography.

“You might never have looked at a dirty picture in your life, but if you use search engines like Google and Yahoo!, online retailers like Amazon and eBay, video and photo sharing sites like YouTube and Flickr…you have benefited directly from pornography’s influence both on the infrastructure of the Internet itself and on specific technological and business innovations.

Video games, smartphones, media players—each owes its own debt to pornography,” writes Barss.

The National Post published four excerpts from Barss’ The Erotic Engine in November 2010: “The ‘dirty secret’ of technology history,” “Of porn and piety,” “The birth of U-tube” and “When things get dirty, cash is king.”

Barss’ point in the first excerpt was: those who work in the pornography industry have always been the innovators.

“We might not yet have seen the emergence of streaming Internet video, e-commerce or peer-to-peer file sharing. Video games would have taken a very different developmental path.

Broadband wireless and the fundamental infrastructure of the Internet itself might not yet have developed to the point where they could support eBay, iTunes, BitTorrent, CNN.com, Flickr, Amazon, YouTube and Google. Facebook and Twitter might never

have had the chance to evolve out of early bulletin board systems, newsgroups and chat rooms.

EVIL HAS A FACE “Evil is the absence of good,” says Heritage Baptist College academic dean Mark Boughan. “Good that is corrupted.

When we realize the world was created good, evil is what occurs naturally when there’s separation from God.” For many Canadians evil came in the form of former Air Force colonel Russell Williams whose face stared out from newspaper front pages and television screens in recent months. Williams pled guilty to 82 counts of break and enter—where Williams wore, performed sexual acts in and stole girls’ and women’s underwear—two counts of sexual assault and two counts of first-degree murder.

Many followed the account of his crimes, as they were read into the court record, on Twitter. And many tweets echoed the thoughts of Andy Lloyd—murder victim Jessica Lloyd’s brother— when he described Williams as “evil, pure evil.”

The fascination with Williams’ evil “is an indication of the power of evil,” suggests Boughan. He also says we were also fascinated because we identified with him. “‘Could this be me?’ is perhaps the most horrific thought of all,” says Boughan. “We have no precursor in this man.

We want to find a reason because if we find a reason we can solve it; we can be able to stop it from happening again.”

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Popular author tackles difficult challenge Max Lucado wants wealthy North Americans to extend more compassion

by Doug Koop

Max Lucado preaches and writes.

The Texas-based pastor has delivered a lot of sermons in his 55 years, and much of his teaching material has then been turned into books—very popular books.

In fact, in the past 25 years Lucado has published 60 books that have sold an astounding 65 million copies.

“A lot were originally lessons I prepared for the church I served,” explains the affable Bible teacher who until very recently focused his writing on providing encouragement.

But in a telephone interview he described his most recent book as “a departure in that it’s about roll-upour-sleeves, while the others were about get-down-on-our-knees.”

In Outlive Your Life, Lucado turns his attention to the appalling injustice and economic disparity running rampant in our world.

He is now trumpeting a clarion call to Christian compassionate social action, and is putting his money where his words are. All the proceeds from the book will be turned over to several humanitarian agencies, and he is aiming to help World Vision secure sponsorships for 25,000 children.

But what did it take for a successful pastor to make his primary message comfortable North American Christians a summons to help people who are at risk, in need or overlooked? “I’m trying to get that part of my house in order,” he says.

“I was put back on my heels about four years ago when someone asked me what my grandchildren would think of my care and concern for the poor. That was a serious question, and I’ve been trying to respond. I knew I needed to give him a better reply; to give a better answer.”

Since then, he adds, “My wife and I have been doing more.” And he took his church through a teaching series examining compassion in the book of Acts. “I won’t go to heaven based on good works, but they are part of our legacy even

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there. What we do on earth will be remembered in heaven. I want to give my grandchild something to be proud of.”

Bully pulpit The enormous reach of Lucado’s books to middle class North Americans has now earned their author a bully pulpit for a less-welcome message than he’s accustomed to delivering. He has a gift for metaphor and readily explains biblical concepts and situations in easily understood ways.

“I don’t know if I have a particular strength,” he demurs. “I don’t know how to write otherwise. It’s what comes naturally.” Lucado says any church may have a sprinkling of PhDs and millionaires, but most congregations are “full of ordinary people with a lot of noise” in their lives. “They are the ones I’m trying to communicate with,” he says.

“When I read C.S. Lewis or John Piper, I marvel at how smart they are. I couldn’t even understand their mail. Someone once told me I had a way of putting the cookies on the bottom shelf where anyone can reach them. But I don’t think I even have a top shelf.”

In recent years, Lucado has stepped back from the senior pastor role at Oak Hills Church in San Antonio. He currently serves as a preaching minister and is in the pulpit 20-25 Sundays a year. This gives him more time to write, and to travel.

These days the needs of the world loom very large in his eyes, and he wants the Western world to wake up to its responsibilities and do something.

“There is an avalanche of need,” he insists. But when we focus on the reality that we can’t do everything, too many of us end up doing nothing, he says. “We can trust that our sovereign God will take all our offerings and do something good.

We can make a difference.”

Doug Koop is editorial director of ChristianWeek.

reviews

Decide well, my friend

OUT LIVE YOUR LIFE: YOU WERE MADE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

By Max Lucado What is your legacy? This question preoccupied the staff at Promise Keepers Canada over several months as we have prepared for our “National Legacy Conferences.” We learned that each one of us is leaving a legacy right now, be it good, bad or godly. The question of legacy flows through Out Live Your Life, the latest title from Max Lucado. The author takes readers on a journey through the book of Acts, illustrating time and again that each of us was “made to make a difference.”

The book is inspiring and Lucado’s stories are captivating. Each chapter explores a different event in the early church and challenges us to apply it to our own personal legacy. One hundred per cent of the author’s royalties from Out Live Your Life will benefit children and families through World Vision and other ministries of faith-based compassion.

THE 10 BEST DECISIONS A MAN CAN MAKE: THE ADVENTURE OF LIVING IN GOD’S PLAN

By Bill Farrel Author of the best selling Men Are Like Waffles: Women Are Like Spaghetti, Bill Farrel is quickly becoming a favourite speaker at Promise Keepers Canada events. His discerning understanding

of how God’s Word relates to the human condition provides insight that men connect with and appreciate. It is exciting to see that wisdom poured into his latest book, 10 Best Decisions a Man Can Make.

Farrel recognizes that most men are busier today then ever before. That hectic pace often results in making important decisions about family, career or ministry based not on biblical principles, but on what comes naturally. That can lead to even more stress.

Instead, the author guides men through the ten best decisions men can make, encouraging them to discover the joy of finding their unique place in God’s plan.

SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER DVD A JOURNEY TO FREEDOM FROM PORNOGRAPHY Pornography is one of the most difficult moral challenges of our time. What was once considered obscene is now a multibillion dollar industry increasingly becoming the norm within mainstream culture. The Internet makes pornography readily accessible and affordable— and anonymous.

No wonder pornography addictions have risen to epidemic

levels. The effects are devastating, destroying intimacy, marriages and families while distorting our understanding of sex and sexuality. This DVD documentary follows five individuals as they share their journey to freedom from pornography. While the stories from the various men are helpful, the interview with a husband and wife is eye-opening and compelling. Watching her tell her story reveals the notion that pornography is a victimless sin for the lie that it is. We highly recommend this resource. Bonus features include music videos, a music CD, interviews and readings.

EYES OF INTEGRITY: THE PORN PANDEMIC AND HOW IT AFFECTS YOU

By Craig Gross and Jason Harper In Eyes of Integrity, Craig Gross and Jason Harper offer a helping hand to husbands and wives, teens, concerned friends and anyone personally struggling with pornography or sexual addiction.

Written for men and women, Gross is careful to point out that it is not just men who have sin issues in this area.

“Explicit sexual writing found in trashy romance novels and even in many best sellers can lead women to loose their sexual inhibitions and be willing to explore new possibilities for their sex life,” he writes. From porn-proofing your home and nurturing your marriage to getting tips on what to do when someone you know is in trouble, the chapters in this book offer real hope in what can seem like a hopeless situation. Resources include a free accountability software CD and a $20 coupon code for an online workshop.

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features

Lost in translation noitalsnart ni tsoL Men can learn to speak—and listen—so women understand.

by Bill Farrel

Most men find the women in their lives (wives, daughters, friends, relatives, colleagues) fascinating because they are so different from us. We are instinctively drawn to what we do not have. If you are married, you were attracted to your spouse by your differences. If you are a dad, you are fondly attached to and marvelously amused with your daughter.

If you are a young man, you find young ladies to be a fascinating pursuit because you can never quite figure them out.

At first, these differences are exciting.

They open us up to new possibilities; we admire the female responses to life that we are incapable of.

Over time, however, the differences can interrupt decision-making, create confusion and just plain frustrate us. It leads to the eventual question, “Why did God do this?”

I am constantly amazed at how different my wife Pam and I are even after 30 years of marriage. I thought we would probably start off very different but as time passed we would become more alike in how we approach life. Boy, was I wrong.

A recent experience that stands out is a conversation concerning an issue with our business. I was trying to give my rather strong opinion, but noticed my approach wasn’t working. Everything I said caused Pam to withdraw and get

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 14

women, we sense that other things generally irritated with me. In frustration, I finally said, “Pam, this is not personal. It is beyond our understanding are really important to God. just business.”

So what are we supposed to do with Her response has been ringing in my these differences between men and ears ever since. “It is all personal to me!” I women? We don’t just want information; have to admit, I don’t know how to we want skills. We want to know what operate from that perspective but I can’t we can do to succeed in these captivating deny that it has worked very well for her. but confusing relationships.

So now I was asking, “God, why did you Listen. Without a doubt, the most do it this way?” important skill that leads to successful I know God made us different because relationships is strategic listening. This is He is very creative. In Genesis 1:27 we especially important since women read, “So God created man in his own approach communication recreationally. image…male and female he created Everything in their lives is connected to them.” It seems obvious that the image everything else in their lives. of God cannot be totally reflected in one Men separate out gender. God is bigger, more creative, the issues of smarter and more capable than their lives anyone we have ever met.

Connectionary: Great job (like boxes on a God reveals Himself through waffle) while our genders. As we notice that Translation—You’re good women connect some things are really at what you do, and I all the issues important to men while other appreciate your things are really important to (like spaghetti contribution. noodles touching one another).

As a man, you probably look for the bottom line so you can Frictionary: You always propose a solution while your wife, Translation—You have made daughter or friend is trying to connect her life to you. This is why this same mistake before,

therefore it’s not something you can change. It’s a fatal character flaw.

Frictionary: Whatever you want… say… think Translation—I disagree with you and think you’re an idiot. But because I am the bigger person, I am going to let you have your way on this one.

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I hate when you…

I guess

What a great idea iStockphoto.com

Whatever You never

Whatever you say Frictionary Words and phrases that hinder communication Connectionary Words and phrases that enhance communication

This round is on me Uh-huh

Yes, dear

Forgive me

Great job Help me understand

You always

Whatever you want

??? seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 15

features Connectionary: Help me understand Translation – I am genuinely concerned about seeing this from your point of view

she wants to share what happened, what she thinks and what she feels. Most of the time, she isn’t looking for answers; she is looking to be connected to you. When she gets enough of her life emotionally linked to you, she finds it easy to trust you.

Give it a try. The next time she begins a conversation try these three simple listening steps.

Repeat key phrases. As she shares, she will say something that sticks out in the conversation. It may be an emotional word or a phrase that doesn’t quite fit the context. It may sound something like, “Yesterday I had the best day. I spent time with friends and we laughed as we talked about all that is happening in our lives.

Then I got a phone call from my mom and we had a really good conversation. As we were talking I wondered if she worried about me the way I worry about our kids. Well, anyway, then I went to the gym and my workout seemed easier than usual and I got this brainstorm about a new dish to make for dinner. I hope everyone likes it because I am really excited about trying it out.”

Most of this conversation is pretty benign but in the middle of it, she revealed that she is worried about the kids. Repeating the key phrase would sound something like, “Wow, you had quite the day; are you really worried about the kids?”

Rephrase what you have heard.

After she has talked for a little while, say to her, “What I think you just tried to share with me is…” and then finish the sentence in your own words.

This is much better than, “I understand,” because you don’t and never will understand women.

You may be fascinated with them but you won’t ever fully comprehend them.

Return the conversation to her.

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Remember, her goal is to connect with you, not to give you a problem to solve.

After you have rephrased her thoughts, hand the conversation back to her. You could say something like “Was that close?” “Am I in the ballpark?” Or, “Am I tracking with you?”

These three steps tell her you are interested. She is smart enough to make her own decisions and talented enough to figure out her life. She is really wondering if you are interested enough to let her connect her life to you?

She will ask this question every day.

Relax, you don’t have to answer it every day. You just need to answer it often enough with strategic listening so that she never forgets.

The other question women ask consistently is, “Is it safe for me to be who I am today around you?” A woman’s life is always changing. It begins with her menstrual cycle, a fluctuating hormonal roller coaster that affects every area of her life. One day she will be the most reasonable person you have ever met while the next day she seems unreasonably intense about everything.

One day she will take everything in stride while the next day brings nothing but crises.

Many women live with the insecurity that the people they care about most will reject them.

It is wise as men to add statements of security to our Frictionary: You never vocabulary.

Translation—I am convinced I am always right and omniscient.

Frictionary: I guess Translation—I have totally given up and couldn’t care less.

Connectionary: Forgive me Translation – I was wrong and I want to be right with you.

The one that has given me a lot of mileage is, “Pam, I would rather be stressed with you than on vacation with any other woman on the earth.” I know it is overstated but it has been highly effective in calming the environment in my home.

This technique became vividly important to me one day when Pam and I were working on one of our seminars. I came to the meeting with laser focus on the task at hand but quickly ran into a roadblock. I would make a suggestion and she would say, “That will never work.” I would propose something else and she would respond, “That is fine for the guys but no woman will like that.”

Everything I said seemed to be wrong so I shot up a prayer, “Jesus, can You help me out? Obviously something is wrong and I can’t keep working like this.” It then occurred to me to say, “Wow, Pam, you have really been missing me, haven’t you?”

Much to my surprise, the environment changed instantly. Her face softened and she said, “Yes. We have been working so hard and I just want to spend time with you even though I know we need to get this done.” She laid her head on my shoulder for a few minutes and then sat

Connectionary: What a good idea Translation—I think you are wise, and your opinion matters to me.

Frictionary: I hate when you…

Translation—I have passionate things to say, but probably won’t hear anything after “hate.”

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Frictionary Words and phrases that hinder communication Connectionary Words and phrases that enhance communication

Frictionary: Yes, dear Translation—I don’t really agree with you, but I want to get you off my back, so I’ll do what you’re asking me to do.

back up ready to work. The project took less than an hour after she knew she was secure with me.

This is a learned skill because men don’t speak this language with each other.

We know that safety is an issue in life, but I would never begin a conversation with another man by asking, “So, are you feeling safe today?” That would just be creepy! It is, however, the question to add to your toolbox if you want to communicate well with the women who matter most to you.

Connectionary: This round is on me Translation—I value your friendship and our conversation.

Frictionary: Uh-huh

Frictionary: People are saying

Translation—I really don’t know what you said, but I’m agreeing so you’ll move on and I can watch the game.

Translation—I have an opinion I wish someone else would share.

Along with his wife Pam, Bill Farrel is an international speaker and bestselling author of some 26 books including Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti. Bill is a communicator and pastor whose most recent solo work is Devotions for Men on the Go. Come hear Bill Farrel speak at PK Canada’s Legacy Conferences. Bill will be appearing in Winnipeg, Saskatoon, Edmonton, Ottawa and Halifax.

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features

Be heard above the din Christian leaders share their perspectives on speaking in the public square.

How can Christians speak most effectively into the public sphere ?

How might they best voice their views and opinions, and have those views and opinions considered?

SEVEN contacted a handful of Canadian, Christian leaders and asked their advice.

Here’s what they had to say.

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 18

Geoff Tunnicliffe

Jordan Bateman

CEO/Secretary General, World Evangelical Alliance

Councilor, Township of Langley

I believe that Christian action in the public square should always be rooted in: 1) Dependence on God. His enabling brings value to human effort.

Prayer is crucial.

2) Humility. Christians sometimes risk damaging Christ’s reputation and the spread of the good news by inappropriate political actions and words.

3) Good relationships. Jesus was relational, reflecting grace, treating everyone with dignity. His followers should do likewise! All relationships with politicians should be to bless rather than “use” them.

4) Breadth. Christians should aim to reflect Jesus as well as possible: His justice and hatred of sin, conflict and oppression and His mercy, compassion and love for all people and at every stage of life.

5) Political independence. Jesus was political but steered clear of political structures. Christ’s concerns transcend labels of “left” and “right.”

6) Truth and professionalism. Christian people base their political beliefs and aims on biblical truth, taking care not to use Scripture simply to confirm preformed political ideas.

Christians need to speak with authenticity, wisdom and optimism.

Jesus instructed us to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves, but too many voices in the world today are the opposite: they are out to kill and are totally bird-brained. Being authentic, wise and optimistic forges a discourse of hope, and a real, deeper dialogue about the big issues facing us all.

When we act like Jesus, we practise the politics of grace, generosity, authenticity and vision. We can start by being kind to one another.

Peter Stockland

Dave Quist

Carson Pue

Director of the Cardus Centre for Cultural Renewal

Executive Director, Institute of Marriage and Family Canada

President, Arrow Leadership

My daughter-in-law has learned by teaching English as a Second Language how limited is her own grasp of Spanish, French and Italian. She has learned the pridefulness of speaking ever more loudly to people who don’t understand.

Christians must speak in the public square with humility and patience: that is, in the dialect of those to whom we are speaking. Experience shows it can’t be couched in what Flannery O’Connor calls the “felt superiority of orthodoxy” because that lexicon does not contain the verbs “to understand” or “to love.”

It is imperative that Christians and leadership be aware and involved in the issues in the public square. This involvement is best achieved through accurate appraisal and evaluation of those issues. Some issues directly involve various levels of the government and therefore require feedback, support or rebuttal to the elected officials.

Other issues involve community values and require feedback through the same venues available to everyone: letters to the editor, talk radio, public meetings and so on.

Christians have every right and obligation to be fully involved in the public square. Like any other member of the community, there will be a range of opinions and responses. However, Christians have a role to play in these discussions.

Younger leaders answer this question with some consistent themes. Having been embarrassed by how some Christians do voice themselves in the public sphere they agree on needing to start by spending much more time listening. There is a need to be in relationship with other community leaders outside of wanting something from them.

What is a sign of legitimate relationship? When you can respectfully disagree and yet enjoy one another’s company? We actually need to care.

Demographics and marketers tell us Gen Y is now influencing the public sphere. One younger leader quoted Francis Chan, who said: “My generation admired people who spoke well. Your generation admires action.” This new generation long to see legitimate engagement with community needs before being granted “the right” to speak.

Interestingly, there are growing opportunities today where the public acknowledges the Church as having something valuable to offer. At the same time there are more pulpits or platforms than ever before. Blogs, letters to the editor, tweets, podcasts and social media abound, but we have lost our voice because of the inaction of many, and the placards of a few.

How might we best speak into the public sphere? Maybe start with teaching some Christians to shut up.

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features

Football hero puts truth before touchdowns Tim Tebow makes no apologies for politics or faith

by Scott Taylor

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features

Tim Tebow will make no excuses for his faith, his political leanings or his ambition to become a number one quarterback in the National Football League.

And for a guy who could easily be called, “squeaky clean,” Tebow has made a lot of enemies on his long, winding road to playing with the Denver Broncos.

“I don’t waste a lot of time thinking about that,” he said earlier this year after a pre-season game at Mall of America Field in downtown Minneapolis. “I have faith in the Lord. I have faith in what He says and how He wants me to lead my life.

I will always express my gratitude to God publicly and won’t think twice about it.

“That’s me. It’s who I am.”

Like most athletes, there are times and situations in which Timothy Richard Tebow would rather talk about his chosen profession than his lifelong commitment to the Lord. However, when we met with him in the middle of a media scrum in the Broncos locker room after a preseason loss to the Minnesota Vikings, he seemed comfortable with either line of questioning.

“I want to play as much as the coaches will allow and I want to help this team win,” he said. “I’m here to learn all I can about the National Football League and the way the game is played at this level.

I’ll do what needs to be done to be a good teammate and to help the team win games.

“I don’t expect to be the starter in my rookie season, but I do expect to be a starter at some point in my career.”

Through the first eight games of his rookie season, Tebow had yet to throw a pass, although he had carried the ball 10 times for 26 yards and two touchdowns.

For many observers, Tebow’s presence in the NFL is somewhat strange. After he graduated from the University of Florida there were more than just a few questions about his style of play. Would he be a receiver? Could he be a halfback? He certainly didn’t seem like the stereotypical NFL quarterback.

Still, Denver Broncos head coach Josh McDaniels made him the team’s number one selection in the 2010 NFL draft. He was chosen with the 25th overall pick and one ESPN commentator said, “McDaniels’

legacy, as coach of the Broncos would be Tim Tebow.”

For his part, Tebow just wants to play football. A left-handed-throwing quarterback who made his mark at the University of Florida as a running quarterback, Tebow is an imposing young man. He’s 6-foot-3, 245 pounds with speed, great football instincts and an aggressive nature that belies the fact he was born to Christian missionaries and was home schooled for most of his life.

Although he’s only 23, this guy could write his autobiography right now and not be embarrassed by a lack of gravitas.

He was born August 14, 1987 in Makati City, Philippines, the son of American Christian missionaries, Pamela and Richard Ramsey Tebow.

While pregnant with Tim, Pam suffered a life-threatening infection and fell into a coma. Drugs brought her out of her coma and treated a horrible case of dysentery, but caused a placental abruption. Doctors urged her to abort.

As a devout, evangelical, Pentecostal Christian, Pam refused and eventually gave birth to a surprisingly healthy boy.

Tim and his siblings were homeschooled by their mother. When Tim was nine, the state of Florida passed a law that allowed all home-schooled children to compete in high school sports. Five years later, this legislation allowed Tim to play football in Jacksonville, Florida, first at Trinity Christian Academy and later at highly-regarded Nease High School.

At the time, the family was living on a farm in Duval County so Pam decided to move with Tim to an apartment in Jacksonville so the youngster could pursue his football career. He was so good as a high school player that at 17, he was called “The Chosen One,” in an ESPN documentary about his life.

Tebow was offered hundreds of college scholarships, but accepted an invitation to play at the University of Florida, just up the road from the family farm. Thus began an incredible college career that culminated in a national championship, a Heisman Trophy and, yes, plenty of controversy along the way.

There was just something about a guy who wrote Bible verses onto his eye black just large enough that they couldn’t be

missed by national television cameras.

In fact, shortly after Tebow finished his career at Florida, the NCAA passed what has become known as “The Tebow Rule.”

Today, eye-black messages of any kind are no longer permitted in U.S. college football.

Still, Tebow has never been deterred.

His beliefs come before his football and while he’s led an exemplary life, he’s absorbed plenty of heat for taking outspoken positions on some controversial subjects.

He will, without a second thought, advocate for all pro-life causes and starred in a Super Bowl advertisement for Focus on the Family. It featured his mother’s decision to forego the doctors’ wishes and give birth to Tim despite the fact she was at risk of death.

“I’ve always been very open about my Christian convictions and as a follower of Jesus I have always expressed my gratitude to my Lord and Saviour,” he said during an interview with ESPN about the creation of the Tim Tebow Foundation (www.timtebowfoundation.org).

“My faith is the bedrock of my motivation in launching the foundation.

It exists to bring faith, hope and love to those who need a brighter day in their darkest hour.”

Whether Tim Tebow ever becomes an accomplished NFL quarterback doesn’t appear to be important at this stage of his life. Although he has delayed his missionary calling until his football career is over, he has also created a foundation that he says “delivers good news and offers a brighter day.”

“It’s about inspiration and hope,” he said with a smile. “A life devoted to Jesus Christ will deliver good news.

My role is to help people smile and to make a difference.

“My vision is achieved by utilizing my public platform to bring faith, hope and love to all people. I’ve been energized by seeing the smiles on the faces of children from all over the world. It’s something I want to bring to everyone.”

Scott Taylor is a veteran sportswriter based in Winnipeg.

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features

Called by God to sing and play From solo act to symphony headliner, Steve Bell is crafting a significant career.

by Doug Koop

Steve Bell is contagious. But don’t worry.

The man who just celebrated his 50th birthday is not sick. It’s his enthusiasm for life and relentless curiosity that are so infectious. He has a bounce in his step and joy in his face when he enters a room.

He is interested in people and things.

Prepare to be delighted when Steve is around. He lives as he was meant to be—a singer, songwriter and storyteller.

When he opens his mouth on a concert stage you will hear songs spilling forth in a tender tenor voice that captures thoughts in images and makes them memorable in lovely tunes. Ideas sprout from him like berries in mid-summer. He will amuse you with an offhand tidbit about his latest grandchild. Then again, it might be a story he chooses to tell, some riveting episode from his travels or his youth. He remembers where he’s been and where he came from.

One of those places is prison. Steve was raised in a musical family, the son of a Baptist preacher man who served for a time as a chaplain at Drumheller Prison.

“The inmates used to use the chapel there for jam sessions on Saturday afternoons,” recalls Steve. “When I was a little boy, eight years old, I used to be allowed to go in and watch them play. They ended up teaching me how to play guitar. That’s where I learned to play.”

Steve and his family had a gospel band that played the church circuit. But after high school he joined bands and played in nightclubs, with some regional success, for the better part of a decade.

He often tells the story of his father, who

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 22

sat gamely in a smoky club just to be with his son and hear him play.

He quit playing clubs in 1988 after a personal spiritual experience. “I very definitely heard from God,” he explains, “pretty clearly, not a voice, but it was more like a heat that speaks: ‘This time of your life is over. I have something else for you to do.’ It was powerful enough that I quit the band I was in and started looking for work.”

That same year his wife, Nanci, was itching to get back to teaching. “So she worked, I was at home. Scripture came alive for me that year. Songs just poured out every time I picked up my guitar.”

Saturated with psalms, he released his first solo album, Comfort My People, in 1989. Three years later he moved into full time ministry.

Not that it’s been an easy path.

Steve’s first album garnered him a following with wide range of churchgoers, finding appreciative audiences among Protestant, Catholic charismatic and conservative groups. Comfort My People was very worshipful and featured simple guitar stylings.

But his second album had a very different sound and many of his waiting fans didn’t know what to make of it. Deep Calls to Deep hearkened to images of the dark night of the soul. It was full of synthesizers and keyboard pads. Steve had quit his job and invested $30,000 in the project, and he was desperately afraid it would bomb. “I remember one night being restless, not being able to sleep, and finally my wife just had it and said,

‘Steve, this is sin. God called you to sing and play. You’re doing it. Believe it or quit.’ That was such a profound moment in my life.”

He didn’t quit. Since 1989, the independent artist has released 15 solo CDs and performed more than 1,500 concerts to over a half million people in 15 countries including Ireland, Bulgaria, India, Thailand, Ethiopia, Poland and the United States. He’s won numerous awards, including two Junos. Several of his songs are sung in congregational worship throughout the world. If he is asked to sing “On the Wings of an Eagle” one more time, he might just drift on autopilot into a whole new mindscape.

Steve’s newest album, Kindness, has just been released.

“My life seems a relentless chasing after God who playfully—maddeningly— remains just beyond my clutch,” he says.

“Every once in a while I stop to catch my breath, and when I think to look back where the chase has led, I realize there has been good purpose to His elusiveness. Then, I quickly spin around to pounce on the One who winks before darting once again down the street.

And so it goes…”

In the decade ahead, Steve’s career will continue to evolve in unexpected ways. Who would have thought that the boy who learned to play in the Drumheller Prison would be headlining performances of his own music with major symphony orchestras across Canada? And would you believe that in the next few years he will be bringing his wonderfully rich,

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seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 23

features

profoundly spiritual, finely crafted music to symphony audiences in places like San Francisco, Chicago and New York?

Believe it.

“We can go into any major city and present a legitimate cultural event,” he says. “I’m not going to get played in pop radio, but I can go into a concert hall and give a presentation that is true to my music and true to my calling. We have done this. We can do it.”

Steve may primarily be a “solo” artist, but few people are so deeply aware that relationship is at the essence of who God is and who we are. To explain, he summons a story about his former addiction to tobacco and how his personal actions impacted others. At the time, he had his life more or less on track, but continued to enjoy cigarettes.

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 24

Because he’d promised Nanci he would never smoke in front of the children and never smoke at home, he would take little walks alone to satisfy his urge.

When his daughter was young he’d explain he was running out to the store to get something. “Can I come with you, Daddy?” she’d ask. “No, sweetheart.

Daddy won’t be gone long. By the time we have you dressed and ready to go I’ll already be back.” And off he’d go, sucking back a smoke on the way to the 7-11 and another on the way back.

But one day when she was five, Steve was about to head out and asked Sarah if she’d like to go with him. She gave him a hard glare and answered, “No.” The rejection hurt.

“In that moment I realized that there really are no truly independent actions,”

says Steve. “Everything we say or do connects in some way with others.

We can not live outside relationship.”

Steve brings science, music and theology together, joyfully explaining how this heart of connection reflects our very DNA (individual cells have all the information they need to do their job in conjunction with other individual cells).

And he insists that the very nature of God is expressed in the concept of the Trinity, a harmonious relationship of three “persons” mutually appreciating and loving each other. Steve’s music and character offer glimpses of that deep harmony.

Doug Koop is the managing editor of SEVEN.

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seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 25

money matters

Change happens Your financial plan needs to keep pace

by Paul Emerton

As we embark on a new year, it’s the perfect time to review the previous year and note any changes you and your family have experienced. It’s also a good time to look ahead to prepare for anticipated changes in your financial situation.

Major changes—whether personal or professional—can significantly affect your family’s insurance and investment needs.

An annual review of your situation will help ensure that you have adequate coverage and that your investments are meeting your needs. Consider where you stand now in terms of your financial goals and what, if any, adjustments are required in your plan to bring it into balance. Here are some big changes that you may be experiencing.

Your family has grown. Perhaps you got married. Your responsibility now extends to another person. The birth of a child increases your responsibility that much more. Be sure to expand your life and

Does your life need more financial balance?

The first step in creating financial balance is to take a look at where you are today. Grab a pen and take this quick quiz to find out more.

disability insurance coverage accordingly.

A divorce, serious illness or death in the family may also require you to adjust your insurance and estate plans. Changes in family obligations also affect spending patterns, investment goals and other aspects of your financial affairs.

Health concerns. If you have been diagnosed with an illness, it may affect how you want to structure your finances.

Perhaps you need funds readily available, or you need expert advice on the best way to access your savings.

Your work has changed. Did you start a new job this year? Are you expecting a raise or promotion soon? Higher income means greater financial losses to your family if something were to happen to you.

If you left a full-time job to raise children or start your own business, it’s crucial that you replace group insurance benefits with a personal plan. Think about how work is going. Do you expect a bonus? Is a layoff

possible? Good news or bad should factor into your investment decisions.

You took on debt. Perhaps you’ve bought a new home or car or borrowed money to renovate your kitchen. If you’ve taken on additional debt, make sure your insurance is adequate to cover all liabilities and interest payments.

You are approaching retirement. As you get closer to retirement age, an investment review and retirement plan is essential. Your tolerance for risk may go down, as you look for more stability and security. Your investment time horizon may also change to ensure that your funds are available when you want to access them.

Paul Emerton is a Certified Financial Planner and Trainer at FaithLife Financial. For further information call 1-800-563-6237, email moreinto@faithlifefinancial.ca or visit www.faithlifefinancial.ca

P Do you avoid thinking about your finances?

P Do you have a realistic financial plan for retirement?

P Are you taking advantage of tax-deferred investments such as RRSPs? P Do you have a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP) for your children?

P Are you able to financially support your church as much as you would like?

P Do you have cash reserves to last three months in the event of an accident or disability?

P Could your family live comfortably on your insurance (death, disability or critical illness) benefits?

P Do you have an estate plan to ensure your family’s financial future?

P Have you reviewed your will in the past three years?

P Do you have a clear and concise picture of your current financial position?

If you’ve answered “no” to more than two questions, your life may need more financial credits.

For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous life, call a certified financial planner for a detailed financial analysis. This can ensure that you have the necessary insurance coverage and investment mix for your current situation. It is essential to review your financial plan on a regular basis to keep pace with the changes in your life.

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 26

Out of my depth

Watch your mouth What have I been saying? How have I been saying it?

by Mark Buchanan

Watch your mouth!

I heard that a lot growing up, mostly from my mother. My father was a famous curser, a foul-mouthed minstrel. For him, tirade and expletive were art forms—he could swear with an almost poetic force and his rants were worthy of Italian opera. So he hardly noticed what came out of my mouth. My mother, on the other hand, held constant vigilance on the matter, and so I rarely got away with anything.

In early adulthood I became a Christfollower and only then realized that my mother, for all those years, was speaking for God: Watch your mouth!

It matters to God. Greatly. This odd configuration of lip and muscle, sphincter and bone, is holy ground—or not. What comes out of your mouth, and how it comes out, is at the very core of your spiritual life.

Think Isaiah. “Woe is me! I am ruined!

For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty.” That’s Isaiah’s startled confession when he comes face-to-face with the living God. Of all the ways the prophet might feel exposed, caught, skewered by divine encounter—was he tithing? Had he peeped at an unsavoury internet site? How’s my driving?—it’s his tongue he’s instinctively worried about: What have I been saying? How have I been saying it?

Or think Paul. A man who once went around “breathing out murderous threats against the disciples”—his mouth dripped curses—later writes, “Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only that which is helpful for building

others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

If you think this is a simple matter, commit to it for one day. From now until this time tomorrow, let no unwholesome talk—no cynicism, no criticism, no sarcasm, no vulgarity, no complaint, no gossip, no boast, no slander, no inanity, no self-vindication—pass your lips. What would be left to say? A commitment like that would strike most of us nearly mute.

Or think James. He dismisses outright anyone’s claim to piety if they have a loose tongue. “If anyone considers himself religious,” he says, “and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is

From now until this time tomorrow, let no unwholesome talk pass your lips.

worthless.” Self-deceit and worthlessness.

Those are potent indictments. All our Bible knowledge, all our financial contributions, all our committee work, all our church attendance, all our volunteer efforts—all reduced to a junk pile of lies if we’re running off at the mouth.

James goes on to conjure vivid images to describe the tongue’s destructive power. He compares it to a horse’s bit, a ship’s rudder, a fire’s spark—a tiny thing with outsized influence: the bit controls the horse, the rudder the ship, the fire the forest. Then he compares the tongue to

an unruly wild thing: “All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no one can tame the tongue.

It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

It’s no wonder Isaiah needs divine help for this—a six-winged angel to cauterize his lips with altar fire. We all need divine help with this. Paul crowns his call to holiness—including, especially, how we use our tongues—with this command: “be filled with the Holy Spirit.” His next line: “Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.”

Be filled with the Holy Spirit so that we can speak to one another these ways.

There’s no way to do it otherwise. Indeed, the Bible makes clear that the primary manifestation of the Holy Spirit’s presence within us is the ability to speak in tongues.

Only, I don’t mean glossolalia, speaking in a “heavenly language,” with the “tongues of angels.” I mean using the tongue you already have, speaking your native language, to bless and not curse, praise and not revile, build up and not tear down, thank and not complain, honour and not gossip.

That’s Holy Spirit manifestation enough. That’s evidence, supreme and abundant, that God himself lives within you.

Watch your mouth.

Mark Buchanan is an author and pastor living on Vancouver Island. The author of several bestselling books, his most recent title is Spiritual Rhythm.

Come hear Mark Buchanan speak at PK Canada’s Legacy Conference in Winnipeg.

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 27

power play

Great games. Great toys.

Great gadgets.

Reviews by Sandy McMurray

VIDEO ON DEMAND

SNOWBALL SLINGER

netflix.ca

http://www.hammacher.com

Say goodbye to expensive DVD rentals.

There’s a new game in town, and it’s called Netflix. For a flat monthly fee you can watch unlimited TV episodes and movies instantly over the Internet. Watch as much or as little as you like and pay only $8 per month.

You can watch Netflix on your PC or Mac or connect with a game console (Nintendo Wii, PS3 or Xbox 360). Netflix also works with Internet-connected TVs and Blu-Ray players, as well as Apple devices and Microsoft phones.

As of this writing, the Netflix video library needs some work. It has a decent selection, especially independent films and older television shows, but you still have to go to Blockbuster (or iTunes, or Zip.ca) for many recent releases. Still, for $8 per month, Netflix is worth a look. For a free 30-day trial account, go to Netflix.ca

The game of jai alai is known for its speed and power. In one fluid motion, a player can catch and throw the ball with a scoop shaped like a curved basket, the xistera. Imagine doing that with snowballs and you’ll understand the idea behind the Snowball Xistera from Hammacher Schlemmer.

The handle has a built-in mold to help you quickly grab and pack snow into a perfect ball.

The scoop makes it easy to sling your snowballs up to 150 feet. With practice you might even be able to grab a snowball in midair and redirect it back where it came from.

The Snowball Slinging Xistera sells in sets of two for $25.

The New England Candy Company makes giant milk chocolate cups and fills them with all natural peanut butter and applewood-smoked bacon. If you prefer dark chocolate, the company is happy to take special orders. Each cup is a whopping four inches across and weighs six ounces. Two cups cost about $6 plus shipping.

A note for the health conscious: the bacon in these handmade peanut butter cups contains no nitrates or nitrites, and no preservatives.

Not enough bacon for you? Try new bacon soda, from the Jones Soda company, or J&D’s BaconFlavoured Mmmvelopes, the envelopes you’ll want to lick.

Mmmvelopes http://www.jdfoods.net/products/ mmmvelopes.php

Bacon Soda http://www.myjones.com/limited/bacon

OPTISHOT VIRTUAL GOLF PEANUT BUTTER AND BACON CUPS www.newenglandcandyco.com

Forget peanut butter and jelly. What could be better than peanut butter and bacon?

Sure, you could make this yourself. A peanut butter and bacon sandwich is just fine, but this is better: peanut butter and bacon cups.

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 28

dancindogg.com

Sometime in February, when the skies are grey and the days are short, avid golfers may begin to suspect that winter will never end. Those who can afford to fly south may flee the winter weather. Those who stay behind need a place to putt.

OptiShot Simulator ($400) is a virtual golf game that lets you play world-renowned courses without leaving home. All you need is a Windows computer, a USB port and enough room to swing a golf club.

power play

Up to four players per round can compete by hitting real balls, foam balls, or no balls at all. The game uses infrared sensors on a durable swing pad to record club head speed, face angle and swing path. The result is a true-to-life experience you’ll be itching to try again and again, at least until April showers make it possible to get out on the real greens once again.

RC QUADCOPTER ardrone.parrot.com

What’s better than a radio-controlled helicopter? How about a radio-controlled helicopter that thinks it’s a video game?

The AR.Drone from Parrot is part RC vehicle, part video game, designed to work with iPhone, iPad and iPod touch.

The touch screen displays not only the controls for the helicopter, but also the video from the copter’s cameras. Watching the screen is like being in the vehicle.

AR.Drone has a front camera, a vertical camera, and an ultrasound altimeter.

It comes with two hulls—one for indoor and one for outdoor use. Control range depends on wireless interference but the average range is 50 meters (160 feet). The drone can maintain stable flight at a height of up to six meters (20 feet). The battery life isn’t very impressive— about 12 minutes per charge—but that’s understandable considering how much power it takes to run four propellers, two video cameras and a Wi-Fi wireless radio. AR.Drone sells for about $350.

RACEDECK GARAGE FLOORS

JAMBOX WIRELESS SPEAKER

racedeck.com

jawbone.com

RaceDeck floors are made for guys who love the garage. If you spend all weekend working on your car or truck and then invite people over to talk about your work, this is for you.

RaceDeck makes modular flooring that snaps together using interlocking loops and hooks. Building a RaceDeck floor is like playing with a kid’s construction toy: you pick your colours, plan your design, order the tiles, then follow the plan to build your own custom floor.

RaceDeck offers flooring in six garage tile styles and many different colours.

Installation requires no glues or chemicals, so there’s no mess or toxic fumes. Each tile just “snaps” into place. RaceDeck floors are designed for garages and basements but can be used on your patio, deck, or anywhere else you think they look good.

Jambox is a great idea—a portable wireless speaker that turns your mobile device into a boombox and speakerphone.

The stylish Jambox is from Jawbone, the company best known for its Bluetooth wireless headsets.

Jambox quickly and easily connects with mobile phones, computers, tablets, iPods and other Bluetooth devices. Use Jambox to share your music, movies, games, and phone calls anywhere at any time. Jawbone is known for the sound quality of its Bluetooth headsets and promises the same superior sound in Jambox.

The distinctive design of Jambox is both attractive and functional. There are four styles available: black diamond, red dot, grey hex, and blue wave. Jambox sells for about $200.

Sandy McMurray, father of four, writes about toys, gadgets and other fun stuff on his web site FunSpot.ca

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 29

What women want

Chatting your way to the bedroom Sometimes talking is the best foreplay

by Sheila Wray Gregoire

Do you know what one of my least favourite parts of being a woman is? Now don’t worry, I’m not going to talk about cramps or anything gross. It’s really quite simple. I hate multi-tasking.

I multi-task even when I don’t have to.

I’m completely incapable of talking on the phone without simultaneously doing dishes or folding laundry. I can’t sit in line at a drive through without cleaning out my purse. I just can’t stay on one wavelength for any amount of time.

I know that we women often berate you men for not being better multitaskers. (How come I leave you with the kids all day and when I get home it’s a worse mess than when I left? Can’t you clean and baby-sit at the same time?)

But the truth is that we don’t always enjoy being the way we are. It makes it hard to live in the moment.

If I’m staring at a beautiful sunset, for instance, I’ll start wondering if I should fetch my camera or call my daughters to come and look at it with me. I can’t just savour God’s gifts.

And let me tell you, guys, that’s one reason why it’s hard for us to savour you, too. Even if we want to.

Take this scenario: you climb into bed one night with that glint in your eye. Your wife walks in the bedroom and grins at your “come hither” look. She scatters her clothes as she saunters towards you. You start smooching and touching and everything’s going great, when all of a sudden she pushes you away and asks: “Do you think Michelle should drop piano? She just isn’t enjoying it and it’s costing us $20 a week in lessons, and a whole Tuesday night. We could take that

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 30

money and go to a movie as a family and spend quality time together instead!”

What happened to your quality time, you wonder? You were all gearing up to go someplace, and your wife has now put the brakes on. You sigh, roll back on your pillow, and listen for the next 10 minutes as your naked beloved explains the issues with the piano teacher, and the problems with Michelle joining a praise team, and speaking of the church, do you think Davy is fitting in to the new youth group? And we really should have your mom in for dinner because she’s pretty upset given the anniversary of your dad’s death is coming up.

Oh, yeah, you really wanted to talk about Dad’s death tonight instead of just getting it on. But what’s occurring in this bedroom? Has your wife, who just a minute ago was hot for you, suddenly grown cold?

That’s what it may look like, but looks can be deceiving. So allow this multitasking cursed woman to explain to you one-track minded men what’s really happening.

Many times when I snuggle up to my husband I have every intention of letting things take their natural course. But what’s natural for men is not always natural for me. Because I’m a woman, I have to concentrate in order to enjoy sex.

My body doesn’t suddenly spring into action the way my husband’s does. I have to get myself in the mood, anticipate what we’re doing, and concentrate if it’s going to feel good.

Sex, you see, is mostly in my head.

And if there’s too much other stuff rolling around in my head, my body won’t

be able to get in the game. Part of getting ready for the big event, then, is to empty my head of all the stuff that’s rattling around in there. When I can get it out, I can let other stuff in.

Unfortunately, I didn’t really understand this about myself when I first got married. I thought that when I lost focus in bed, that I actually didn’t want to get romantic. The reverse was true. When I started to make love, my mind went into overdrive. It realized, “Uh oh. She wants me to concentrate on sex, so I’ve got to try to expel all this other stuff that’s in here.” And it all hit full force.

Keith used to grow resentful at my monologues mid-foreplay, but one night he decided just to listen to me. And when I was all done, he started kissing me again, and everything went great! So now we try to be proactive about talking, and take a walk after dinner, or take a bath together, or just chat after the kids are in bed. I’m not looking for him to solve my problems; I just need to relieve the pressure.

Next time your wife starts talking a mile a minute in the middle of making love, then, don’t take it personally. For us multi-taskers, talking is the best foreplay.

You just may find afterwards that she actually wants to concentrate on you!

Sheila is the author of several marriage books, including Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood. You can find her speaking at marriage conferences around the country, or at www.SheilaWrayGregoire.com

PK@Home Resources for your daily walk…

SEVEN Magazine

Men of Integrity Devotional

World Class Speakers Audio

Men. God. Life.

A Christian magazine for Canadian men.

Relevant, exciting and biblical.

Especially written for men, personally challenging, eternally rewarding.

Available in a 60 Day Booklet or a daily e-devotion.

Make the most of your commuting time by listening to these inspiring messages on the critical issues in your life.

Available in a CD or MP3 download.

Visit www.PromiseKeepers.ca to receive your copies.

seven – issue sixteen january–february, 2011 page 31

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