FINANCIAL JOKES

Let’s lighten things up a little this month, since Spring has arrived and your business is blooming along with the flowers. Here are some financial/investing jokes…

If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

My wife’s purse was stolen the other day. It had all her credit cards in it.

I was going to report it but the thief was spending less!

During the most recent stock market downturn, a stockbroker was asked how he slept at night. The broker responded, “I sleep like a baby. I wake up screaming and crying every two hours.”

A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.

Well, a lot of Wall Street experts are saying there are incredible bargains right now in the stock markets. This is a good time to buy. Oh, it’s a great time to buy, yeah. Like kind of after a huge car crash, there are auto parts laying all around. Same thing.

A preacher stands up at mass one Sunday and announced to his congregation:

“The good news is, we finally have enough money to pay for our brand new chapel!”

“The bad news is, it’s still in your pockets!”

What’s the best way to get in touch with your long-lost relatives? Win the Lottery.

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?” continued on page 14

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.

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• 178’ 50 Ton Crane continued from page 12

Two farmers are watching the sunset on their tractor and having a chat between themselves.

The first says, “I keep hearing on the radio, TV, read in the papers about the stock market but I still have no idea what it is. Do you know?”

The second farmer replies, “How should I explain this to you… Let’s say you buy some eggs for your farm. These eggs hatch and now you have chicks. These chicks grow up to be hens that lay more eggs, out of which you get more chicks that grow up to be hens and so on and so forth. Eventually, your farm is full of them.

Then, one day a big flood ravages your land and takes all of them downstream. Then you sit and think to yourself: ducks… I should have gotten ducks. That’s what the stock market is like.”

I went to the ATM this morning and it said “insufficient funds.” I’m wondering is it them or me.

A woman rushes into her house and yells to her husband, “George, pack up your things! I just won big in the stock market!” George replies, “Should I pack for warm weather or cold?” The woman responds, “I don’t care. Just get out!”

Despite enormous fluctuations in the stock market this week, billionaire investor Warren Buffett announced that he will continue to invest in the stock market during the current financial crisis. So remember, everyone, this is no time to panic, as long as you’re one of the richest people in the world.

A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D.C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. “That’s impossible,” said the tourist. “No one could throw a coin that far!” “You have to remember,” answered the guide. “A dollar went a lot farther in those days.”

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist all apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.” Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question. The accountant says “On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down close to the interviewer and says “What would you like it to equal?”

Scenarios illustrated are hypothetical in nature, results may vary. Investing is subject to risk which may involve loss of principal. Past performance is not indicative of future results.

The M3 Wealth Management Office does not provide legal or tax advice. Consult an attorney or tax professional regarding your specific situation. The information herein is general and educational in nature and should not be considered legal or tax advice. Trust services are provided by third parties. Neither our firm nor our financial professionals can serve as trustee

Michael J. Donnellan specializes in stock selection and retirement planning. Feel free to contact him with any questions or comments at the M3 Wealth Management Office at 17601 W. 130th Street – Suite 1 in North Royalton, Ohio.

Phone number (440) 652-6370 Email: donnellan@m3wealthmanagement.com