How to Be a Good Neighbor

According to a recent survey by LendingTree, many Americans are having a tough time getting along with the people next door. Nearly three-quarters said they dislike at least one of their neighbors, with most issues being noise complaints or rudeness, while 74% reported they’re friends with at least some of their neighbors.

Rupa Kale, a Realtor® Sales Associate at Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices in New Providence, goes the extra mile by greeting new neighbors and bringing them something when they move into their home.

“I usually welcome them with a cake from a local bake shop or a seasonal plant,” said Kale, who moved to New Providence from New York City in 2009. “Sometimes it’s a couple of mugs from a local shop with our town name or zip code,” although Kale added that frozen entrees or a gift card from a local restaurant are also excellent options.

Neighborly relations can help you feel safe, and according to a recent survey from Travelers Insurance, with trust and safety among the top benefits of having neighbors. 51% of respondents said it’s nice to know they have someone nearby they can trust in case of an emergency, and 20% said it’s good to have someone who can look after their kids, pets, or help let them into their home if they lose their keys.

“The relationship with neighbors doesn’t have to be a BFF friendship but it should at a minimum be cordial,” said Tami Claytor, owner of Always Appropriate: Image & Etiquette Consulting in New York. “It is always a good idea to forge a good relationship with your neighbors based on mutual respect.”

Sharing community information is a good way to become a good neighbor. According to a survey from the Community Associations Institute, a trade group for homeowners associations, nearly 67% of respondents said sharing important community information and resources is how they engage with new residents.

Many communities have Facebook groups which provide opportunities for neighbors to get involved in events such as festivals, concerts, and volunteer work. “It definitely helps cultivate a warm and friendly environment,” Kale said of the New Providence Community Forum, which she founded.

Being engaged is also important for the well-being of a community. In the CAI survey, more than 75% of respondents said they volunteer on their homeowner’s association board and nearly 60% reported they participate in social events and recreational activities organized by residents.

“In today’s hot housing market where prices are high and inventory is limited, the unfortunate reality is that some people might not have any other choice but to live near someone they don’t like,” said Jacob Channel, LendingTree senior economic analyst. With such diverse communities and differing lifestyles, most neighbors’ conflicts are due to clashed personalities or lack of space. Social channels like Nextdoor, a social networking site for neighborhoods, have taken the place of knocking on a neighbor’s door to complain. While the social media platform was created to share important information, warnings, or neighborhood updates, it quickly became a space for neighbors to air small grievances and start, or continue disputes. Fortunately, over the years, the popular platform has worked to tamp down angry attacks and encourages constructive, civil, and community building posts.

A gift isn’t necessary, but consider stopping by for a quick introduction or leave a friendly note. Consider providing a list of reliable workers you’ve used, such as a contractor, plumber, dog walker, or lawnmowing service.

Mow the lawn and make sure trees, shrubs and weeds are in check. If you live in a condominium or belong to a homeowner association, know the rules and follow them.

Keep your dog on a leash and train your pet to be friendly towards dogs you might meet on a walk. Be mindful of excessive barking, and ensure to clean up after your pooch, “You never know when someone might want to enjoy a family picnic,” Claytor said.

Pay attention to local noise ordinances. Ensure guests don’t block someone’s driveway or park in an assigned spot, and consider letting neighbors know if you’re planning a party. “It’s only neighborly to offer a courtesy headsup to people around you,” said Kale.

Abide by ordinances governing when mowers and leaf-blowers can be used. Don’t hammer new bookshelves into your condo walls late at night. Since many are still working from home since the pandemic, it’s nice to inform neighbors if you’re having renovations done during the day.

Consider visiting an elderly neighbor to offer a helping hand. “The pandemic has shown us that some people live in isolation,” said Claytor. “Spending time with them can brighten their day.”

Many mornings when Claytor picks up her newspaper in the lobby of her apartment building, she also picks up her neighbor’s papers and puts them outside their doors. “It has become a gesture that caught on and now we all do it for each other,” said Claytor.

Avoid gossiping and try to resolve the problem with the person directly, rather than over text message, email, or on social media.