Let it shine

Which campus light fixture are you?

WRITTEN BY NATALIA ZADEH DESIGNED BY SAMMI LI

College is all about finding yourself. Between choosing your major, post-grad plan and which White Claw flavor to shotgun, you’re lucky if you don’t spend all your time nervously curled up in a ball on the floor of your dorm laundry room (just me? ok). This quarter, let us enlighten you. Figuring out your five-year plan isn’t nearly as gratifying as knowing what kind of light fixture you are. You are bright! You shine! Without further ado, NBN presents: Which light fixture are you?

Do you have a DILF?

No.

Were you traumatized by your high school’s theater kids?

Their production of Seussical keeps me up at night.

Schill Morty WTF (Yes).

Who’s your favorite NU president?

True or False: Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer.

No, of course not. It’s a stew. No, we want answers! All signs point to yes.

… I was a theater kid (shame on you).

Radiohead or Phoebe Bridgers?

Radiohead (ARE YOU OK?)

Phoebe Bridgers (are you ok?)

Fluorescent ceiling light: The average Northwestern student. You’re everywhere, and we just can’t seem to get enough of you! Bold, inquisitive, a little bit nauseating. But listen, that’s ok! You’re special and distinctive in your own way. Wear your Canada Goose jacket with pride!

Listen, this isn’t something I’m proud of.

Do you know how to cook an egg?

Duh!

Is cereal a soup?

Obviously.

Do you think you’re a moral person?

No. Yes.

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck?

Five trees. Not sure.

Which type of foliage do you identify with most?

Christmas tree A little shrub

Deering chandelier: You, by far, slay the hardest out of all of your peers.

The manic pixie dream girl of light fixtures, if you will. Enigmatic, cool, pretentious, shiny. Is that a mason jar in your hand? You have it all!

The Sun: You think the world revolves around you, and it does! Everyone knows you’re there without even having to look at you. You simply shine too bright! You were born for a life in the spotlight. We cannot wait to read your autobiography.

Blue Light on campus: You’re tall and blue. Exciting! Understated and reliable, you’re always there, but no one really notices until they need you. Don’t fret though! You are an integral part of your community, and nobody else shines quite like you do.