Coach Yourself Calm - Kylie Lewis

11 QUESTIONS TO COACH YOURSELF TO CALM

With Kylie Lewis from Of Kin

By now you’ve already started to creatively adapt to a ‘new normal’, albeit circling through waves of exhaustion, anxiety and grief, punctured with sweeping gratitude, pockets of joy and small beauties. As well as encouraging us to reach out to our networks for support, Kylie Lewis from Of Kin takes us into ourselves for a moment of reflection.

Here are her coaching questions to help you to notice and tap your own internal resources.

“None of us had a plan for this. No. one. Let that sink in. Collectively, we are in uncharted territory.”

Kylie Lewis, Of Kin

01

Start with the FFT None of us had a plan for this. No. one. Let that sink in. Collectively, we are in uncharted territory. Courage researcher Dr Brené Brown calls this a FFT – a f@#$ing first time. Give yourself grace in recognising how this FFT is showing up for you. What are you FFTing right now?

02

Play the long game By now we know that we’re going to be in this state of disruption for longer than we have that originally thought. So, don’t just ‘make do’. Set up your mind, your spaces and your people for this current reality. Recognise that we can’t do what we did before, and it’s going to take an adjustment window – and that might take longer for some of us than others.

03

Number 1 priority is a safe home Our most primal needs for food, water, sleep, shelter and security have to be met before we can use our cognitive energy for anything else. A sensibly stocked pantry, a somewhat organised and clean house, a financial plan all help create a calm, loving, stable, warm home. Everything else from here is a win. Once the basics are covered, draw up a weekly schedule and make a routine with you and your loved ones. Foundations go in first: food, family, sleep, fitness. Then add in achievable work/school goals. Kids might need a weekly calendar all of their own.

What does a workable weekly plan look like this week? Download a weekly planner template and sketch out the week ahead.

04

Prioritise only the essential Delay, delegate, defer or delete any work, task or commitment that can be. Unload yourself to the minimal viable output. While our mind is hypervigilant, a large portion of our cognitive energy is being used to make conscious decisions about things that were previously unconscious (like being safe while buying groceries). Recognise our capacity for deep, complex or new work may be diminished, for at least for a little while.

What are my essentials? For example food in the house, covering my bills, moving my body for 15 minutes each day, daily call with key work contact, asleep by 10:30pm)

05

Recognise grief Grief isn’t just reserved for when someone dies. It shows up when something dies - an expectation, a routine, relationship, an imagined future. Brené Brown defines grief as loss, longing or feeling lost. What am I sad about having lost, losing or longing for?

06

Tap into existing resilience Part of building your resilience through this time is to remember when you were resilient in the past. Think about what you did to help yourself. You already have many inner resources you can call on again right now What have I done to help myself through setbacks in the past?

07

Keep connecting We are never designed to get through life alone. We only thrive when we’re in meaningful connection with each other, and it is our quality of our relationships that help us bounce when we stumble. Who are my VIPs in my personal and professional life who I value and can call on? Where are the gaps I need to fill?

08

Know your strengths Remembering unique personal strengths is incredibly powerful, especially in times of distress. What do people say are my strengths? What do I see as my strengths?

09

Believe Clarity of your beliefs will serve as the lantern that lights our way forward, and help guide your choices and behaviours when things are hard. What are 10 helpful beliefs I have about this time?

Creative destruction Right now we have the chance to re-evaluate our assumptions about what’s possible, and to intentionally regenerate. What are three things I want to rebuild better through this experience?

11

Daily hum One day at a time is how we’re going to make it through. What are three small daily acts that bring me joy?

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