The Leader
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Genuine Gold: Carlos Speranza’s time on campus lives on through SWATT
The unforeseen blessings of adoption
Couples say a balance between marriage and school is essential
JANUARY 2020 • VOLUME 125 • ISSUE 1
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LeeAnn Lambert
Dani Castro
Kevin Brown
Esther Insigne
Noah Shoaf
ADVISOR
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
MANAGING EDITOR
ART DIRECTOR
COPY EDITOR
Bruno Maynez
Haeley van der Werf
Eli Hadley
Brad Carbine
Sadie Scadden
COPY EDITOR
COPY EDITOR
COPY EDITOR
ART & GRAPHICS
ART & GRAPHICS
Cody Bruce Barney
Carlene Coombs
Olivia Hixson
Serena Dugar Ioane
Michael Kraft
MULTIMEDIA JOURNALIST
MULTIMEDIA JOURNALIST
MULTIMEDIA JOURNALIST
MULTIMEDIA JOURNALIST
MULTIMEDIA JOURNALIST
Marvin Latchumanan
Lilinoe Gomez
Ho Yin Li
Chad Hsieh
Keyu Xiao
MULTIMEDIA JOURNALIST
VIDEOGRAPHER
PHOTOGRAPHER
PHOTOGRAPHER
PHOTOGRAPHER
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Letter from the advisor I have six sisters and a large extended family including a sister, Lisa, who attended BYU– Hawaii, and two nieces who are BYUH graduates: Giovana Eaquinto Alisa and Robin Halter Handy. The photo on the left is a weekend gathering we had this past Fall with some of the women in our family. We love to get together to catch up with each other, create lasting memories, and strengthen one another. This January 2020 issue of the Ke Alaka‘i is about the various aspects of ohana in and around our campus and beyond. Three TVA babies, pg. 20, talk about carrying on the family legacy of attending BYUH and the lasting relationships their TVA ohanas have maintained. People on campus who are adoptive parents and children, pg. 24, share the blessings and challenges of adoption. A grandmother, Carol Bennett, who is also a BYUH Education professor, had both her husband and her granddaughter in one of her classes, pg. 30, and the family members said being in the classroom together was a positive, memorable experience. Ohana is more than your closest family members, said Religion Assistant Professor Matthew Bowen, pg. 28, because we are all people are children of Heavenly Father. We hope you enjoy this issue and gain more insight into the different aspects of ohana.
LeeAnn Lambert - Advisor
NEWS CENTER
BOX 1920 BYUH LAIE, HI 96762 PRINTER
Pr int Ser vices Editorial, photo submissions & Distribution inquiries: k e a l a k a i @ by u h . e d u . To s u b s c r i b e t o t h e R S S F E E D or to view additional ar ticles,go to k e a l a k a i . by u h . e d u
CONTACT
Email: kealakai@byuh.edu Phone: (808) 675-3694 Fax: (808) 675-3491 Office: BYU–Hawaii Aloha Center 134 ON THE COVER:
Irvin and Chelsea Orduño spend time with their child and dog at the playground near the Laie Hawaii Temple. Photo by Chad Hsieh
ABOUT US The Ke Alaka‘i began publishing the same year the university, then called Church College of Hawaii, opened. It has continued printing for more than 60 years. The name means “the leader” in Hawaiian. It began as a monthly newsletter, evolved into a weekly newspaper, then a weekly magazine, and is now a monthly news magazine with a website and a social media presence. Today a staff of about 25 students works to provide information for BYU–Hawaii’s campus ohana and Laie’s community. © 2020 Ke Alaka‘i BYU–Hawaii All Rights Reserved JANUARY 2020
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Highlights
Pg. 20 - From diapers to college textbooks The unseen members of the theaters Students say working as stagehands they want the audience to enjoy the show.
Finding your beliefs People who struggle with their testimony should be loved said professors.
Secrets of a successful marriage
Families on campus share tips on how to keep your spouses happy and loved throughout your marriage.
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Contents Campus and Community Genuine Gold: Carlos Speranza 08 Digitizing the treasures of the archives 10 Editorials from EIL students 12 Celebrating the year of the rat 14 The unseen members of the theater 16
Family and Relationships From diapers to college textbooks 20 Blessed by adoption 24 Juggling marriage and school 26 Finding your beliefs 28 Bringing ohana to the classroom 30 Secrets to a successful marriage 32
January: The Ohana issue
As a staff, we will be continuing themes for the rest of the year. This month features the love for families and relationships that form the foundation of the BYU–Hawaii ohana.
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A RT/P HOTO SU BMISSIO N Adam and Elizabeth Brace celebrate the start of their new ohana in Oregon. Photo by Rachel Holloway
Share your photo with us and we may feature it in our next issue. E-mail us your high-resolution photo with a caption at kealakai@byuh.edu
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Campus Comment:
“How are pets a part of your family?” McKaylah Conlin, a senior from Laie studying intercultural peacebuilding, said, “Randomly we were at this Fourth of July festival in Utah, and we saw the typical ‘puppies for sale’ sign and this black lab that all of us begged my dad to get. So, we got her and named her Shyla, and we just kept growing from there. We adopted another dog from my aunt. Piper and Shyla are their names, and they have just been a part of the family ever since. I can just tell that when my siblings are having a hard time or when school gets a little more demanding, just holding one of the dogs or having them sleep in the bed with you just really does a number on our mental health. We don’t deserve dogs. They are just so loyal and loving.”
Melina Sy, a senior from Utah studying Hawaiian Studies, said, “Growing up, I loved animals. I was that kid who went to the zoo and wanted to take everything home as a pet. My dad, not so much, because he wasn’t very keen on sharing his living space with animals, so I didn’t have as many pets as I wanted. We did have cats, but they were outside only. Even though they were not indoor cats, they became part of the family really fast, and even though my dad didn’t want them and it took a few years to convince him, he would spoil them… I feel like the cats are the ones that everyone just loves, and everyone was sad when one of them had to be put down a few years ago. They’ve been a pretty big part of my family, and I want them in my future.”
Irvin Orduño, a junior from Mexico studying information technology, said, “I think pets are a part of my family in this case because my dog completes my family, and he brings a lot of joy to my family. Because he is always happy and looking for love from me or my wife, he is like a kid for us. We really love him, and we are lucky to have him because we see him as a special creation from God. We think God gave him to us so we could take care of him and spend time with him. So, for me, pets are very important because they can be best friends to humans and create the most wonderful creation that any animal or creature can bond with a person.”
Kyle Mullins, a senior from Indiana studying psychology, said, “We have one dog named Pepper. She is really cute. She is very playful, and it’s almost like having another sibling. She will talk back to you but not in the way other siblings do. She’s always loving and caring, so it’s just like having another family member that’s an animal, not a person.”
Community
BY OLIVIA HIXSON
Naina Tai Hook, a freshman from Hauula studying psychology, said, “To me, my pets are a therapeutic addition and extra connection to my family. They bring a lot of joy, even when it seems like there is none in the family. They always bring a happy energy and energetic spirit to lift ours. I really enjoy having them because they don’t talk, and they are just there for you without any judgements.”
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Genuine Gold
Carlos Speranza with his wife and children live in Costa Rica. The couple are alumni of BYUH. Photos provided by Carlos Speranza
SWATT co-founder Speranza tells how his class project is still saving money and reducing waste on campus BY SERENA DUGAR IOANE Carlos Speranza, an alumnus of BYU–Hawaii, said he is the director of Procurement and Logistics at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Costa Rica. According to Speranza, the experience he gained at SWATT and BYUH Facilities Management, helped him get the position. Speranza said, “Working at the SWATT (Sustainable World Action & Technology Team)
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has undoubtedly been the best work experience I’ve ever had. I didn’t see it as a job, but rather as hanging out with friends. Our task was to help the school be more efficient and teach the right skills to provide better job opportunities to those students returning home anywhere.”
How did you find the idea to start SWATT? “I was in Professor Kevin Castle’s project manager class. Each student was given the challenge to find a project to plan and develop in this class. I identified the need for reducing BYUH’s multi-million dollar electricity bill. “I met with Brother Les Harper during one of the meetings and had a strong prompting that I should talk to him as soon as possible. Soon after, we started work-
ing together on the recycling program and started SWATT. The SWATT program had great success that we didn’t imagine. “By the end of 2013, the SWATT program generated a profit of over $300,000 per year through several different projects [energy conservation, a tub grinder] and implementation of a new on-campus recycling center.
“The recycling center handled waste from BYUH, the Polynesian Cultural Center, Kahuku High School and Laie Elementary School. That project positively impacted over 8,000 people in the community. In the first year, the recycling center saved about $36,400, which used to pay a company to recycle BYUH wastes. The Give and Take saved BYUH students over $230,000 in 2013.”
How did this project help you? “This new project changed my life completely. Even though the class and the assignment was over, I decided to stay around the project and work for free to help [it] succeed. “Those jobs taught me to work hard, and it is possible to make a difference. It breaks my heart I’m far away now.”
“Over time, SWATT had many projects that helped the school save millions of dollars, but in my case, it changed my life, and my current job success is due to my mentors. I know I wasn’t the only student helped by this amazing program.”
What are some challenges in your life?
What does family mean to you? “My family is my biggest blessing. I married Yanancy Speranza, an alumna of BYUH who majored in accounting. She owns a photography business. We have two children, Alana, 4 years old, and Oliver, 1 year old. We have been married for six years, and those have been amazing years, full of learning and forgiveness, but also love and fun.”
“It was hard to leave a firstworld country and return to a nation with many issues like chaos, crime, unemployment, etc. While in Hawaii, I learned to identify problems and apply a solution to achieve a result.” “However, here [in Costa Rica], I feel overwhelmed by the culture of keeping the status quo instead of fighting for a better place. I am learning to take [a] step back, be patient and walk forward slower when trying to change the work culture around me.”
What are your future goals? “Currently I am studying for data analysis and programming through the BYU Pathway program. So, my shortterm goal is to finish my studies and sharpen my skills. Later, I want to become a professor at BYUH and support scholarship programs. I want to serve a mission with my wife in Hawaii.”
Graphics by Sadie Scadden
What would you advise current BYUH students? “If you are a student who wants to learn valuable skills that will change your perspective of how the real-world works, then please work for SWATT.” “Follow the Spirit’s guide and remember that important skills are also
learned with practice outside the classroom. It is impossible to know everything, so network and team up with people with high standards, keep a balanced life and enjoy the beauty of the island.”
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Digitizing the treasures of the archives BYU–Hawaii Archivist Brooks Haderlie stands beside an overhead shot of Laie. He says digitizing the university’s collection can keep it safe from natural disasters that could destroy its artifacts and also makes the collection more accessible to students and others.
University Archivist Brooks Haderlie says the Library Archives will continue to keep records and digitize its collection The archives and special collections in the Joseph F. Smith Library contain more than 1,500 relics and items, ranging from photographs, microfilm, aging documents and cultural artifacts. According to University Archivist Brooks Haderlie, the archives serve the purpose of preserving the history and culture of BYU–Hawaii and the Laie community. Haderlie explained the immense challenge of cataloging all the variety of items in the archive, by saying, “We have a lot of bowls, stones, fish hooks, woven cloth and baskets, tapa cloth, Hawaiian quilt patterns, tapa beaters, gourds and a lot of shells. Those are just the artifacts. 10
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“We have over 10,000 videos, dating back to the 1940s, taken with early handheld film cameras, devotional videos and basketball games from the university. We also have a lot of audio recordings from the games, as well as recordings of David O. McKay from the dedication ceremony.” Additionally, Haderlie said the archives has about 2,000 cassette recordings, several vinyl audio pressings and 500 reels of reel-to-reel audiotape that need to be digitized. It also has almost 500 collections of photos, manuscripts, documents and first editions of the Book of Mormon in various languages, including an original 1830 edition of the book.
To preserve the aging antiques and heirlooms, Haderlie said the archives staff take steps to ensure its materials are not damaged. “We put them in archival boxes, made out of a material that is acid-free, in acid-free folders, and then we catalog them and assign them a call number.” This process, according to Haderlie, makes it easier for someone to find and access the artifacts and protects the materials from the elements. “Digitizing and scanning are easy to do. . . If someone requests a look at an old document, we can scan and send a copy to them, without damaging the original document.”
Photos By Chad Hsieh
BY ELI HADLEY
Religion Associate Professor Eric-Jon Marlowe said communication and changing technology are challenges for every archivist. “The president of The Church of Jesus Christ has been communicating more by email in the past 20 years. The Church Archives have been trying to determine how to keep and maintain those for the records.” Haderlie said the archives have transitioned from being gatekeepers to becoming publishers. “I just took some courses in Texas on how to deal with the process of digitizing. Some of these items have always been digital. They’ve never had a print photograph. The challenge is there’s so much information available, and it becomes hard to know how to preserve it.” He also explained how digital information is easily manipulated in the modern era, and it is a challenge for the archivists to ensure they have authentic original documents. “I was just listening to this morning about audio manipulation, and I know the Church is concerned about people taking conference talks and potentially remixing them to make it sound like someone said something out of context.”
More access “Digitizing should make it much easier for students to find what they’re looking for,” he continued. “In a traditional archive, we create things called finding aids, and we index a collection. We’re never going to have an index that makes it easy to find something within a matter of minutes. “All of us are now used to secondday delivery and other forms of instant gratification. When you come to an archive, it’s going to take you a while to look through possible locations to find a document that may be or not be preserved.” Haderlie said there is a catalog located in the library. “But here, we have a listing of
collections much broader. So anyone coming here needs to make an educated guess to find what they need. It may or may not help with the research.” With the increase of digitizing records and artifacts, Haderlie said he hopes more students take advantage of the archives. “We’d love to see more university students come up. We don’t get a lot of individual students. I think if it’s more accessible, there will be more students coming up here for research.” Despite the increase in digitizing and easier access to the archives’ items, Haderlie said nothing could replace holding an 1830 English Book of Mormon Joseph Smith may have held. •
Brooks Haderlie taking a closer look at photographs. He says the archives has nearly 500 collections.
The risk of loss Haderlie affirmed the archives are continuing to go more digital in the coming years because of the risk of loss. He brought up the fire that destroyed the National Library in Baghdad, Iraq, in 2003. The fire destroyed irreplaceable, centuries-old manuscripts. “Here, in Laie, [the archivists] hope the risk of loss is quite low. But a tsunami, an earthquake or a head-on hurricane could lead to a lot of things being lost forever.” He then gestured to the shining emergency sprinkler heads jutting out of the ceiling. “If someone just bumped that sprinkler, hundreds of gallons of water would come pouring out, and potentially ruin what we have. That’s another reason why we want things to be digitized, in the event of a loss.” Currently, The Church of Jesus Christ is microfilming at the Hawaii State Archives in Honolulu. Microfilming is making copies of records on film, so if the digital copy is lost, there is still a hard copy. “The Church makes free copies. They make a backup copy in case there’s a fire or flood. The Church has done it around the world.” JANUARY 2020
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Editorials from EIL students debate cellphone use in class Students need phones in class BY: MUNKHBAYAR MAGVANDORJ Today lots of people like to use smartphones when they are at work, class, the gym, and family meetings. According to research, there are 3.3 million smartphone users in the world. That is an unexpected number compared to when I was a child. What are the good and bad effects of smartphones? Mobile devices help students improve their study skills. Lots of people say smartphones badly affect their bodies. Min my own view, however, it is better to have a phone than to not have a one. Phones in class help students to be good learners, get information and manage time. First of all, smartphones allow students to better understand their lessons. Sometimes students do not have phones in a class, but they need to write and draw many things in a short time. If they have their smartphones, they can easy to get all the information they need during a class. Students use phone applications to record lectures that are helpful when they have difficulty understanding lectures. Also when students use a “note-taking” application, it is an advantage to help them. For example, it is easy to text notes, checklists, audio files, photo files, sketches, and document notes. When I use the “note-talking” application during my classes, it is easy to remember what the teacher said in the class. Second, smartphones provide good opportunities to get information. The Internet has tons of knowledge, if students get information wisely. Students use smartphones because they do not want many books. They just install the books on their phones. I like to read books on my phone. It’s easy to highlight some of the ideas and easy to copy to prepare topics. 12
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Lastly, a student’s time management is very important to help them organize their time. Smartphones have the ability to set up events in a calendar. I think that calendar and to-do lists improve time management. Sometimes students waste time and forget their assignment due dates and they may get the lowest score in the class. When students learn how to organize their time, it helps a student to become successful in the future. Overall, smartphones provide good opportunities when students use them wisely. If teachers do not ban phones in their classes, students are able to effectively plan, gain information, and be a straight-A student. •
E D ITOR ’S N OT E : Students in Associate Professor Mark Wolfersberger’s Fall 2019 EIL 371 class, called written accuracy, wrote editorials on the topic of technology in the classroom. Two of the students’ editorials were selected to be printed in this issue. “We have been reading and writing recently about technology use in the classroom,” said Wolfersberger.
“Some recent studies have shown that cell phones cause lower test scores with students. People have used this research to argue for banning cell phones in class. But other people argue that teachers and pedagogy have not caught up with the ways in which people use phones and technology. They say teachers need to change and adapt rather than ban phones. My students are now writing about their opinions on this topic.” Graphics by Brad Carbine
Reasonable facts on banning smartphones in class BY: NOKHYUNG PARK At the beginning of the semester, students arrive in their new classrooms eager to take notes with up-to-date technology designed for learning efficiency. My own cellphone, the latest Galaxy Note 10, I specifically purchased to eliminate notebooks, dictionaries, calculators and to streamline my learning experience. However, in some classrooms, professors fight this advancing technology by not permitting it to be used in their classrooms. One has to wonder why? I see students misusing their phones and laptops in class daily as I can’t help but look over their shoulders. Even I am distracted by other people. These powerful machines literally hold answers to every topic, question, and entertainment a person could want. Should that kind of temptation literally be on the fingertips of young students whose job is to focus? Just as public smoking restrictions protect others from secondhand smoke, a tech ban can eliminate the distractions for a group overall. The Kahoot! platform developer, Jamie Brooker, argued instructors tend to focus on
only the negative side of using smartphone devices. He believes wise smartphone usage during class can facilitate an enhanced human experience. However, my question is: “Are smartphones practical for academic performance?” A careful analysis of the data from a Stanford University 2014 study describes "one to one access" to devices in schools provides the most benefits, yet the study does not specifically give evidence these instructors are capable of raising engagement and academic performance of students through smartphone use. Thus, Brooker’s statement is insufficient. However, Brooker is correct to point out instructors do not maximize smartphone technology for education. He seems to be on more dubious ground when he states technology can enable a richer learning experience. This statement is too ideal to be applied. Students who cannot control distractions will be unable to adjust to a smartphone-based system, which ultimately is counterproductive for the student’s educational experience. The article on banning cellphone, “Electronics in the Classroom Lead to Lower Test Scores,” argues smartphones do not help academic performance in class. One professor researched how smartphones use can affect a student’s test score. He discovered one group that was allowed to use smartphones in lectures scored 5 percent lower on a test than the other group that was not allowed to use them during lectures. Interestingly, looking at other people's devices, the students who did not use smartphones were also distracted. A class with flexible use of smartphones can cause more distractions. In conclusion, students may oppose banning smartphone use. However, instructors have the increased challenge of engaging students if smartphones are left unregulated. The argument that developing smartphone-based education can enrich a school experience is suspicious because research does not provide any evidence smartphone use helps students. Thus, students can increase academic performance by developing habits to remove smartphones to allow themselves to become more engaged with other people. • JANUARY 2020
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The Chinese Zodiac
Clockwise: Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig.
Year of the Rat 2020
Graphics by Bruno Maynez 14
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Graphic by Lilinoe Gomez
Celebrating the Year of the Rat How culture clubs connect students to Chinese New Year celebrations
BY OLIVIA HIXSON With the Year of the Rat approaching on Jan. 25, students from Asia shared how they make BYU–Hawaii home amongst the festivities of the Chinese Lunar New Year despite being away from home and their families. President of the China Club Ramona Zhang, a senior from China studying communications, said to celebrate Chinese New Year, her family watches the New Year celebrations on an annual television broadcast which are four-tofive-hours long. Zhang shared this year she is planning a talent show where members of China Club can gather together to show off their talents, replicating the sensation of watching the program. “Because we don’t have the ability to go back to China to celebrate with family, I want students here to celebrate together. I want to make them happy and warm while feeling like they are home.” Similarly, Zipporah Kwok, a senior from Hong Kong studying graphic design and the president of Hong Kong Club, commented, “We’re in a foreign place for schooling. It’s great that we have a culture club where we all come from the same place, and we all speak the same language… We’re trying to build a home here and a family.” Both Kwok and Zhang shared the Lunar Year has ties to their families and their cultures,
as well as being an exciting tradition to kick off the New Year. They said decorating with red and sharing dumplings, radish cake, tarot cake, and rice cake are standard practices for bringing in the New Year. Kwok said, “Traditionally, which is no longer legal in most places, we will have firecrackers. Everywhere it is [decorated] red, with red lanterns.” Chinese New Year dishes traditionally are prepared because they have “good meanings,” added Kwok. “[For example], we have fish because the Chinese word for fish sounds the same as having ‘extra remains.’ So, we will have extras for the year and more in abundance.” Year of the Rat According to Chinese tradition, Kwok explained how the animals on the Chinese calendar had a race to decide their order on the calendar and their different attributes. The rat won the race, making it the first animal to appear in the sequence of 12 animals. She said people born in the Year of the Rat are typically seen as intellectuals who are positive and have big imaginations.Yu-Chun Tsang, a sophomore from Taiwan studying TESOL, added they are often very competitive due to them winning the first race.
Kwok explained how the rat took the race as a competition, and in a race, you compete to reach the finish line. She said people whose zodiac animal is the rat “always want to win. I think the people [born during the Year of the Rat] always want to be the winner.” In preparation for this special year, Zhang said people born in the Year of the Rat need to wear something red during the celebration to bring them good luck. A family affair With a large portion of this holiday being family-focused, Tsang said her family has specific traditions reserved for this celebration, ranging from honoring their ancestors to gambling for good luck. “Every night of the Chinese New Year, we kneel down and bow to our ancestors one by one. The grandparents will do that first, and they will call the name of the ancestor.” While noting her family is less traditional, Grace Chang, a freshman from Taiwan studying TESOL, said her family enjoys eating and shopping together during this holiday. She added when she was younger, she had to clean her living areas to bring good tidings into the New Year. “We had to clean our rooms before gathering as a family to eat because we [need to] clean everything for the New Year.” •
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The unseen members of the theater Auditorium employees describe stagehand work as challenging but exciting BY HAELEY VAN DER WERF 16
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Photos by Chad Hsieh Graphics by Esther Insigne and Brad Carbine
Left to right: Alexia Kaley, Lucy Torres, and Miha Mortensen say they work on lighting and sound for events in the McKay Auditorium but also whatever needs to be done for shows or maintenance.
Behind every performance in the McKay Auditorium is a dedicated crew of stagehands, several of whom explained how while they need to be adaptable and think quickly, they do it because they love the theater, and they want to share the talent of BYU–Hawaii students. Alexia Kaley, a junior from Texas majoring in secondary education for history, said, “I think people should know while we like to mess around, we take our jobs seriously. We love theater so much, and we love getting to share the talent on this campus with everyone. “It’s important everyone acknowledges we exist. This isn’t something we volunteer for. We put in 19 hours a week, and sometimes even more just to make sure we get to share this with everyone.” Stephen Crowell, McKay Auditorium manager, shared how people don’t see [the stagehands] most times. “That’s how it should be. Everyone’s attention should be on the performance. We are not supposed to be the individuals who get seen or get acknowledged. For the general audience, if I see them smile, applaud or receive joy in some way, then I know I have accomplished my part of that production.” What stagehands do Lucy Torres, a junior from California majoring in elementary education, explained their official title is stagehand. “We do all the setup and striking as well as the technical side. We make sure all the shows run smoothly.” Describing how being a stagehand at BYUH is different from most places, Kaley said, “A theater tech basically does a bit of everything. In most theater departments you would specialize in something.You would be a light tech or a sound tech, but for us, we program lights for shows… and we work the sound. “We also coordinate with people. If there is a group that wants to perform in the auditorium, they have to talk to us and give us their dates, a description of equipment, and we do basic maintenance. We are mopping. We’re building sets. We’re grinding rust off of things. It’s everything.” The specific job responsibilities, according to Crowell, change with each show. “Every performance is different, so we have to learn what their needs are and prepare for whatever it is.”
One unique experience they recently had, Crowell explained, was when they did sound for the show ‘Da Green Lady of Wahiawa.’ “We’ve never done a show on the road before, so that was a whole new experience for the stagehands.” In order to be successful, Hannah Johnson, a sophomore from Idaho majoring in intercultural peacebuilding, now serving a mission, said, “You have to be able to multitask, and you have to be adaptable. There are a lot of times where we focus on one job. I focus on sound, but there are times where I have to run lighting. Every now and then, I have to do a lot of different things I wasn’t necessarily trained in. While it’s not necessary, Kaley explained, “it is helpful to be physically fit. While half the time we’re sitting around pushing buttons, the other half we are lifting things that are between 20 and 70 pounds.” Depending on the show, the stagehands said they sometimes get nervous. The sound system is what typically makes them the most anxious, Johnson explained, “because [the sound] can be a little bit ‘iffy’ here and there. Our sound system tends to have a lot of problems. With musicals especially, like Gingerbread, we have a lot going on with sound, and it’s hard to keep track of everyone. We have to be really careful about everything.” According to Kaley, “A performer’s worry is if they will do well. For us, we’re worrying if we’ll do well, but we’re also worrying if everything will work. We know technology can be very temperamental and sometimes doesn’t work for no reason at all. That happens to us sometimes. “We get nervous for a mic to randomly blow out in the middle of a show or to lose lighting in the middle of a performance. We get nervous, just like performers, but in different ways.” Rehearsal schedule Torres shared how on-stage rehearsal starts for them before the performers arrive and ends after they go home. “We get there at least an hour before everyone else does to get everything opened and set anything we need set. We’ll start getting general guidelines for everything. If they tell us they want certain colors or lighting for certain songs, we’ll get
The techies behind the magic
Alexia Kaley
Lucy Torres
Miha Mortensen
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that set beforehand, so it’s easier during their rehearsal. We’re not as busy, so we’re open to changing things.” Depending on the show, Johnson described how sometimes they don’t start rehearsing with the performers until later in the process. “With musicals and plays, we usually get to arrive later to the whole rehearsal process. They usually are rehearsing a lot longer than we are rehearsing with them. Other than that, we tend to get there earlier than the performers would because we have to set things up and make sure things are ready for them.” The rehearsal process, according to Kaley, is “different for each show. Some are very simple. We have preset shows we will go to. If we have a normal choir concert, we know to
pull up this file that has the choir show. During the rehearsal, we’ll make sure each of them has a good amount of light and we’re done. “If there is a big show, like Broadway Revue, we will usually prepare weeks in advance. Each night we will add a little bit until we are able to have the exact right lights we want for each moment they are performing.” When things go wrong Johnson explained how things go wrong all the time. How they deal with it, she said, “depends on what happens and whether or not it’s during a rehearsal. If it’s during a rehearsal, we can just go up immediately and fix it. If it’s during a performance, we have to wait until they’re offstage, or we can’t do anything about it and just let it happen.
“Recently, during Broadway Revue, we had a lot of mics having issues. At one point, a performer’s mic was off. We had to run backstage after he got off the stage and turn it back on. A few of them had noise quality issues, and we can’t really do anything about those.” Kaley shared how when things go wrong, “We try to identify the problem. There is a lot of hushed whispering, trying to frantically figure out what is wrong. In simple cases, we can figure out what’s wrong. “Thankfully, we always make sure there are at least two, but we try to have three of us there. That way, we can have one person run backstage and fix it if it’s a problem backstage. If it’s something we can’t immediately fix, like a light, we try to deal with it or find an alternative solution.” •
Left to right: Lucy Torres, Alexia Kaley and Miha Mortensen work behind the scenes in the McKay Auditorium and say they love helping performers shine but need to think on their feet when technical things go wrong. Photo by Chad Hsieh 18
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“I’ve got hand sanitizer because you always, always, always need that wherever you go. It’s just smart and safe.”
“Money, euros and shekels.”
“I have a copy of the Qur'an, I’m reading it because I want to learn more about the religion of Islam and I think that it is important that we go right to the source if we want to learn. I also have the book ‘Strength to Love’ by Martin Luther King Jr. Amazing book.”
“I have some chocolates I brought from Belgium to give to my professors as a gift.”
“I have consecrated oil which has not yet been consecrated. It is from the trees from the Mount of Olives.”
“I have deodorant because I go to the gym. #OldSpice”
“I have three journals. I use journals instead of big notebooks. I just appreciate them more.”
Ramos said her glasses were the most important item she has in her backpack because without them she wouldn’t be able to do anything. “I’m not actually in love with them. I dislike wearing glasses.”
“I have a [Gatorade] water bottle I’m reusing because I don’t believe in single-use plastics.” “I have a missionary planner because I really like having an actual planner to use, a paper copy instead of the one on my phone.”
Ramos said her Especially For Youth (EFY) nametag is one of the things she holds dearly because it represents all the amazing people, the teenagers and coworkers, she’s met as an EFY counselor.
“There is my wallet. It is a Thread wallet and it has the native Hawaiian flag on it. I’m not native Hawaiian though.”
Nikita Ramos, a senior from North Pole, Alaska studying Cultural Anthropology and Intercultural Peacebuilding
Graphics by Sadie Scadden
Family & Relationships
What's in your backpack?
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Left to right: Faryn Taotafa, Yin Kim and Kawika Brubaker say they are all TVA babies who have returned as BYU–Hawaii students and their families 20 KE ALAK A ’I remain connected to the Laie community. Photo by Chad Hsieh
From diapers to college textbooks TVA babies return to campus as BYU–Hawaii students BY WILL KRUEGER From being a Temple View Apartments (TVA) baby to being current students of BYU–Hawaii, students who were at the school as babies said coming back to the school feels like they are continuing on a legacy their parents began. “It’s cool being here at school now knowing my parents were [here too]. This was where it started for them. This was kind of their gateway to pursuing their dreams,” shared Yin Kim, a freshman from Washington State majoring in biology. TVA babies to current students Kim explained his parents came to BYUH from Korea with one child. Kim’s older sister was born here, and he and his twin brother were also born when his family was living at TVA. “I was here for three months before my parents graduated and moved to Ohio. My parents had four kids while being in TVA. “I see someone with just one kid in TVA, and I’m thinking that’s gotta be so hard. I can’t imagine what my parents experienced having four kids as students in TVA. I have a lot of respect for them.” Faryn Taotafa, a senior from California majoring in social work, said both of her parents came from New Zealand to Hawaii for school. “They met here, got married in 1995 and then had me while they were living in TVA in 1997. We were in H Building of TVA for two years before moving to Utah. “My parents loved it here and had a great experience. This was where they started their family. They have many fond memories here and some of their best friends they met here at BYUH.” Taotafa said when she tells people she is a TVA baby, they make a big deal out of it. “It’s kind of funny. People make [being a TVA baby] a big deal sometimes. People make it seem like it’s some kind of status to be a TVA baby.” Kim explained, “There’s almost a label attached to being a TVA baby. When people find out, they are always like, ‘Oh, you’re a TVA Baby!?’ People always seem to get excited for some reason.” Community connections Kim shared his parents are still connected with people from Hawaii. He said one of the professors on campus, PJ Rogers, was friends with his mom and actually helped her go out on a mission. Kawika Brubaker, a junior majoring in marketing from Arizona, was also a TVA baby. He said, “I’ve met so many people here who
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knew my parents. It really is such a tightknit community. After so many years, they still remember and talk to each other.” Taotafa shared her TVA connections continued throughout her life as her family stayed in touch with other TVA families. “A lot of the families who were in TVA at the same time my family was in TVA also moved to Utah. Our families were able to stay connected. We kind of grew up together. It was like a TVA network.” According to Taotafa, some of the TVA babies who were at TVA at the same time as her are at school now, and they remained friends growing up through their parents’ connections. “I am close friends with people who were also at TVA the same time I was as a kid. “It’s cool to be back here where it started. My parents are happy I am friends with students here who are the babies of their friends from their TVA days. It’s a fun feeling to know I am here at school with others who were living at TVA when I was. Our families all started here, and now after all these years, we are here.” Continuing legacy According to the three students, they were greatly influenced by their parents attending BYUH. Taotafa said she was “most definitely” influenced by her parents.
Left photos: Brubaker as a child with his parents at TVA. Photos provided by Brubaker.
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Kawika Brubaker says living in TVA with his wife, he is experiencing similar things his own parents did when they were students at BYUH.
“BYUH is a special place for my parents. I think they have always wanted their kids to go here, especially me, because this was where it all started.” She said it is fun meeting professors on campus who knew her parents, and said she has also run into people in the temple who saw her last name and said they knew her parents. Growing up hearing stories of his parents at BYUH and the things they accomplished here, motivated Kim to come to BYUH. “My parents coming here definitely grew my interest in me coming to school here. My family has a history here. I was born here, and that influenced me in wanting to come here too.” Brubaker said, “I was born here while my parents lived here, but I grew up on the mainland. My mother is part Hawaiian, so I always had a desire to come back to Laie to connect with my culture.” Brubaker shared he loves being a part of the married-student community at BYUH. It’s fun to know he and his wife are going through a lot of the same stuff his parents went through when they were here. “I think it’s so cool to be back after having been born here, and it’s great to continue the legacy my family has here in Laie.” •
Top photos: Taotafa as a child playing outside their building in TVA. Right photo: Kim and his siblings during their parents’ graduation. Photos provided by Kim and Taotafa.
Faryn Taotafa says her parents were living in TVA Building H when she was born. She has run into people on campus and even at the temple who knew her parents.
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Blessed
by
adoption Adopted students and adoptive parents testify of joys of the gospel and life they learned from adoption
According to adopted students at BYU–Hawaii, there is a stigma to being adopted. They said people ask them about their biological family and their relationship to their adopted families. BYUH faculty member Tom Court shared his experience with adoption after he and his wife adopted their three sons from China. He said the decision came from a push from the Spirit and it was worth every effort. Adopting from China Court, an assistant professor of TESOL, said they adopted three children from China, all over the age of 12. He said he and his wife always had a positive opinion about adoption. However, he said they did not feel strong enough to handle the emotional aspects of 24
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foster parenting, which is the most common road to adoption in the United States. International adoption was the only other option, he said, but the finances involved with international adoption seemed insurmountable to Court. When his wife saw their first son’s face on a website dedicated to helping older special needs children find families, he said, “We felt the Spirit pushing, not prompting, pushing us to move forward.” The adoption process took between 12 and 18 months per child. Each had unique challenges, said Court. According to him, finances were the biggest problem with the first child. During the second adoption, time was the problem they faced. Court said he and his wife had to get
everything done before their second son turned 14 because at age 14, children are no longer eligible for adoption. Court said luckily they were able to finalize the adoption one month before his 14th birthday. Their third adoption was much closer, he said, as they finalized everything four days before his 14th birthday. Along with time constraints, with their third son, they dealt with health issues and he spent his first three weeks in the United States in a hospital for kidney failure, heart failure, anemia, and severe anorexia. Court said he is grateful for his sons. “[I] don’t want to imagine life without them. We’re very inspired by their strength of character and determination to overcome challenges.”
Image provided by Pixabay Graphics by Brad Carbine
BY MICHAEL KRAFT
Overcoming the linguistic and cultural challenges coming from adopting an adolescent from China is a work in progress, said Court. “Some days we definitely manage it better than others.” Court and his wife are both English language teachers and said their combined experiences have been an asset with overcoming the initial linguistic challenges. The couple lived in Japan for four years, and he said this helps them relate to their sons in their efforts to navigate a foreign culture. According to Court, life in an orphanage is dreary. “All three of our sons had very grim prospects for the future growing up in these institutions.” From this experience, Court said children belong in families not in institutions, and encouraged people to adopt as well. Adopted students’ stories Marisa Firth, a junior from Utah majoring in TESOL, was born in China and was adopted when she was 18 months old. She expressed her gratitude for Heavenly Father and His plan for families. She explained her mother’s original plan was to adopt from Russia. However, the Spirit told her, “Your child is in China.” Firth said she does not know what life would be like if she was not adopted, but said her life now is better because of it. She said, “The gospel taught me I wasn’t missing anything.” Thomas Nebeker, a sophomore from New Mexico majoring in biology, is also adopted. He explained had he not been adopted, his life would be incredibly different. Nebeker said he would not have the gospel in his life, served a mission, or attended BYU– Hawaii. He said, “Because of those blessings, I’m eternally grateful.” Fighting the stigma of being adopted Firth shared she had always known she was adopted. She said it was not because her mother is Caucasian and she is Asian, but it was because her mother was open with her about it. “I love my mom. We are very close, and there is so much love,” said Firth. Firth attributes her positive feelings of adoption to their closeness and openness. She also credits her knowledge of the gospel for her positive outlook. Firth said people often think of adoption as a struggle and something to overcome. She said this stems from the assumption “just because
they didn’t birth you, they aren’t your real parents.” However, Firth said she does not see it that way. “It’s not weird, and it doesn’t have to be something to be weird about. Why make it a problem when it can be an addition?” There is a grey area with adoption, according to Nebeker. He said, “Most people are unsure how to approach a dialogue about adoption and may stumble over their words.” He said he does not correct people when they ask about his “real parents” when referencing his biological parents. Nebeker said, “I just call my biological parents my birth parents and my adoptive parents my real parents. I make it as clear as I can so everyone is comfortable and doesn’t feel weird.”
Nebeker shared recently he was contacted by his birth family. He said although he is still trying to wrap his head around everything, “it was exciting to know more about where I came from. “It was weird to see a picture of my birth father and see someone who looks so much like me, to the point I could say, ‘That’s my dad. That’s my biological father.’” Nebeker said although it is surreal to have his birth family reach out to him, it has also made him more grateful for his “real family.” He said this is because now he knows exactly what his life would have been like. He said, “This one is better.” •
"The gospel taught me I wasn't missing anything." - Marisa Firth
Photos provided by Marisa Firth
Photos provided by Thomas Nebeker
"Because of those blessings, I'm eternally grateful." - Thomas Nebeker JANUARY 2020
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F EAT U RE
Sara and Austin Zacher say having a partner and best friend helps them balance all the aspects of college life. Photos by Chad Hsieh
Juggling marriage and school Married couples at BYU–Hawaii say having a spouse helps them balance school, work and home life BY MICHAEL KRAFT
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BYU–Hawaii married couples said having a spouse motivates them to work harder in school, strengthens their spirituality, and helps them maintain a healthy balance between school, work and home life. The balancing act BYUH Religion Associate Professor Daniel Sharp said, “For me school became much more about making sure I can support my wife.” Sharp said he married his wife, Carrie, 23 years ago while they were still students. After getting married, he said he “became a lot more focused. I knew why I was at school and what I needed to get done.” Sharp added getting married in college made school easier. Having to balance your social life with your student life is a problem for any student no matter what.” In order to pay for his education, Sharp said his wife postponed her school.
Now 23 years later, Carrie Sharp is a student at BYUH working on her degree. Daniel Sharp shared with a smile, “Now she’s a grown adult going to college working on her degree as a mother of five. So, we’re doing it again. We’re learning to balance school, work and family much later in our life.” Carrie Sharp said she enjoys being in school again, but she loves her family and makes sure they are her priority. She shared she is grateful to always have her best friend, her husband, while in school. “It’s good to know there’s always someone in my corner.” Daniel Sharp said the support he felt from his wife is what helped him the most as a student. “The thing that I remember the most was that I knew I had someone in my corner and that she had my back.” Church callings, according to Jerico Radin, a junior from the Philippines majoring in computer science, helped him and his wife balance their busy life. He and his wife, Jenine Radin, are Sunday School teachers. “As Sunday School teachers, we can spend meaningful time
together, fulfill our calling and grow together at the same time. This calling is such a blessing for our family.” Jenine Radin shared they developed unity through their calling. “Being Sunday School teachers taught us about preparedness. It reinforced it in our lives, especially now that we have a daughter.” Sara Zacher, a sophomore from Canada majoring in education, who married her husband, Austin Zacher, in August, said she loves being in a strong partnership with her best friend. “I know it’s a cliché, but I just love that we are always serving each other. “The other day, I had so much work to do, and I was super stressed. Austin made me dinner without me asking or anything. He just did it.” Sara Zacher said it is important to her to maintain a balance between home and school, so she makes an effort to “keep school at school.” Then, at home, she said she and her husband can focus on each other and their relationship. Enjoy life According to Carrie Sharp, it is important for students to enjoy their lives to the fullest. “When I was younger, I thought that my life was going start up down the line. So, don’t forget to live it and enjoy it.” Daniel Sharp added, “We have to learn as a couple that sometimes we have to sacrifice what we want to help the other person succeed. That’s really what marriage is about. “The Savior sacrificed His will, figuring out how to do the will of the Father instead of His own will – not doing what was best for him, but what’s best for others, and that’s what marriage is all about.” Spending quality time The Radins said they have been married for over a year and recently welcomed a baby girl into their family. Jerico Radin said, “I wish I had known how to take care of a baby. I knew how to take care of my wife because we dated before we got married, but when we had my daughter, I had to learn all at once. “It’s been a struggle, but it’s the most precious time. I love being with my baby. It’s the most important thing for me.” Austin Zacher, an exercise science major from Montana, said spending quality time
“I think that we have to learn as a couple that sometimes we have to sacrifice what we want to help the other person succeed. That’s really what marriage is about.”
- Daniel Sharp Graphics by Lynne Hardy
together is as simple as going to the temple weekly. “Honestly, going to the temple weekly has been the best thing we could do to spend time together, especially because it’s so close to us here in Laie.” He said if he had not attended the temple weekly, he would not have been able to marry his wife. “I’m not perfect, and Sara isn’t perfect either. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but it works because we go to the temple weekly.” The Radins said they balance school, work and taking care of a newborn, by supporting each other. According to Jerico Radin, “My wife supports me and is always involved in my life. It goes the other way too. We support each other and lift each other up.” Jenine Radin added, “It takes time, effort, a lot of prayers, and patience to build the life that we want for our forever family.” Austin Zacher, said, “When I’m in class and school, I need to work hard so later in the
day I can focus on Sara and not be thinking about school or work. When I’m in the library, I buckle down and focus, so I can be there for Sara.” Sara Zacher added, “I think one of the things I learned very quickly is there is a difference between having time together and spending time together.” Echoing his wife, Austin Zacher said, “Just sitting on the couch, doing homework, making dinner, that’s different than spending quality time with each other. That’s two separate things.You need to find time to spend quality time together.” •
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Finding your beliefs Missionaries and professor express how those struggling with a testimony need more love from those around them BY CARLENE COOMBS Striving to understand what you do not believe, embracing what you do know, and realizing God’s love are ways to help a struggling testimony, according to BYU–Hawaii faculty and sister missionaries. Those interviewed also said having patience and avoiding judgments are ways to help those who have questions. Matthew Bowen, assistant professor of Religion, said those struggling with the gospel should be treated like children of God. “We need to take the same approach with them God takes with us. We’re not defining them as the thing they’re struggling with. God doesn’t do that with us. He sees… what we can become, and we need to do that with friends and family who struggle. Always see the potential.” Bowen emphasized treating others with love and patience as God does as well as avoiding judging others in their different challenges.
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“If we get into the business of making judgments,… we’re not going to do them any favors. We will hurt rather than help them. Love them. Be patient with them.” Sister Hannah Gearheart, a sister missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from Utah, said being a good friend is another way to help those who need it. Even simple things, such as inviting someone to dinner, she added, can have a positive impact.
Focus on what you know Bowen said those who struggle with their testimonies should focus on aspects of the gospel they do understand and believe. “Rather than emphasizing what you don’t know and what you don’t believe… start with what you really do know.” Bowen added no matter how much you are struggling, most people can find something they believe within the gospel and can build
off of those things. “Even people who are struggling with their testimonies the most, when they’re honest about it… they can find a lot of the good.” Sister Savannah Manu, a sister missionary for the Church from New Zealand, said turning back to the fundamentals such as scripture study and church attendance will be helpful to those with doubts. “If you stop doing those things, you will struggle. If you keep doing those things, you will be able to overcome that struggle,” she said. Knowing God’s love for each person is essential to building a person’s testimony, according to Bowen. He said, “We, too often, underappreciate how much our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love us.”
Studying the doctrine Gearheart shared when she struggled with her beliefs, reading the Book of Mormon every day is how she found her faith again. “Simply reading the Book of Mormon, even just a couple verses a day, will help you get through it.” Gearheart added when reading scriptures, she would add notes and study them instead of “reading to read.” Finding answers through understanding and studying the gospel is another suggestion
Bowen said he would give struggling members. “Really get to understand the doctrine.You can’t get an abiding testimony of something you don’t understand or understand very incompletely.” For example, Bowen said, if you have questions on the doctrine about family, study the Family Proclamation and find scriptures and talks discussing the family in the gospel sense. Along with studying the principles, seeking personal revelation is needed when working for a testimony. Bowen said, “All of us
have to seek confirmatory revelation. We have the privilege of seeking, and we need to seek confirmatory revelation.” He added how ultimately church members will not be able to forever rely on the testimony of their parents and others within the Church to stay strong in the gospel. They will need to have their own foundation to build upon. •
“[God] sees...what we can become, and we need to do that with friends and family who struggle. Always see the potential.” -Matthew Bowen
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Bringing ohana to the classroom Three Bennetts describe being in a class with family as positive and lifetime opportunity Grandmother is a professor, grandfather to graduate in June, granddaughter is also a student BY HAELEY VAN DER WERF When Berklee Bennett tells people she not only goes to school with her grandpa, but she also has a class with him, they don’t believe her. Sitting with her grandparents in the classroom where they meet, she laughed as she described how, “Everyone I’ve told about it has thought I was kidding.” Every Wednesday and Friday at 2 p.m. Berklee Bennett, a freshman from Oregon majoring in elementary education, and her grandpa, Gary Bennett, a senior from North Carolina majoring in art, head to the school of education building for their science methods class, which is taught by Gary’s wife, Carol Bennett. This is the second time the trio has been in class together. The first was writing methods in Fall 2019. The first class According to the family, they loved being in the Writing Methods class together because of the family environment it created, and it gave Berklee Bennett a chance to get to know her grandparents better since she grew up on the other side of the country from them. Berklee Bennett described how she knew she wanted to come to BYU–Hawaii long before her grandparents moved to Hawaii. “I visited Hawaii with my family when I was 12. We toured the campus, and I thought, ‘That’s where I want to be.’” She also explained how she needed this class for her major, but she thought it would be a good experience to take the class with her grandpa. “I thought it would be really fun and really cool. I’ve never grown up by them, so it’s been really fun to get to know them on a different level.” Gary Bennett said he needed an elective class for the semester, and Carol Bennett said she suggested this class for him because “writing is not his strong suit, so I knew it would be helpful no matter what he did. I thought it 30
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Carol Bennett teaches an education class. Her husband and granddaughter took one of her classes together and she said it was a great experience. Photo by Chad Hsieh
would be good. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for us to all be in a class together.” Despite initial concerns about the effect of having her husband and granddaughter in her class, Carol Bennett said it has actually been a positive experience. “I can honestly say it’s been a huge plus. Other students have really seemed to enjoy it. I think it has made the whole class be more of a family-oriented class.” Having her husband and granddaughter in her class has helped them all develop a relationship on a new level, Carol Bennett said. Speaking of her husband, she became emotional as she explained how, “We’ve been married 46 years, so we know each other really well. We have always had a really good marriage. “For me, him being in school has added [to our relationship]. Now, we have an intellectual talk that we can do that we didn’t have before.” Carol Bennett also shared how happy she is to live in a town with her granddaughter nearby for the first time. She said, “I love having Berklee here. I love seeing her interact with other students. I love
walking down the hall and seeing her in another professor’s class.” Gary Bennett also described how living near Berklee Bennett has helped them catch up after only seeing each other a couple of times a year for most of her life. “She comes over to our house every Sunday for afternoon supper. We really are catching up after all these years.” Where it all started Carol and Gary Bennett moved to Hawaii from North Carolina in 2014 after Carol Bennett was hired as an assistant professor of Education. The couple said they met while working in the same grocery store in North Carolina and becoming friends after finding out they have the exact same birthday. “He was really cute, but we hadn’t talked yet or anything. We had just seen each other. I heard his birthday was Jan. 21,” Carol shared. After asking him if he had looked in her purse, they swapped licenses for proof. “There it was: my birthday on his license. That broke the ice. Then we started talking before he asked me out on a date.”
Gary Bennett, who was not a member of the Church when he met his future wife, progressed through the missionary lessons so quickly she thought he had gotten baptized just for her. “He had four discussions a week for two weeks before being baptized. I thought he just did it for me for a long time. We dated for about a year and a half, and I was seeing how he really had a testimony.” Gary Bennett said he had done a few classes at Asheville-Buncombe Technical Community College, but he wasn’t committed to college when he graduated from high school. When he married Carol Bennett, life just got in the way of school. “This gorgeous blonde walked into my life. I said I would just pick up [school] later. We dated for 18 months. Next thing you know, 10 years later we had four kids.” Carol Bennett planned to attend BYU in Provo, but she explained she stayed in North Carolina to help take care of her mother. After having her fourth child, the couple started thinking about the future for their children, and Carol Bennett decided she did not want to be stuck if something were to happen to her husband. They figured out a system where she could go to school at Mars Hill College four nights a week and he worked during the day.
“I would do all the normal things during the day,” she explained. “I would get dinner ready. Gary would come home. We would eat. I would go off to class. He would help them with homework, bathe them, read to them, and get them off to bed. I would come home and start my homework. We did that for four years.” Coming back to school Gary Bennett tried to go back to school at the same time, but they said life got in the way again. Carol Bennett described how, “He was there almost a year, but life got too hard with both of us in school with four kids. It was too much. We couldn’t make it that way. He didn’t want me to drop out, so he dropped out.” Carol Bennett then went on to get master’s and doctorate degrees in education.
After moving to Hawaii, Gary Bennett said he started working part-time at Hawaii Reserves. Then, he found out spouses of faculty could go to school for free. He decided to start school over instead of trying to get credits from his old colleges accepted. It was a struggle for him to learn how to be a student again, he said, not having had math or English since the early 1970s. However, the hardest part, he said, “was learning computers. I had no training.You grew up with computers in your hands. All I could do is write emails and simple stuff. I had to learn Canvas and go on tutorials.” Of this struggle, Carol Bennett said, “It took him a while to learn how to become a student, but he is definitely a student now.” Gary Bennett is scheduled to graduate in June with a degree in art and minors in entrepreneurship and social work. • The Bennetts say they got to know each other more and have a family environment in the classrooom. Photo by Chad Hsieh
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Secrets to a successful marriage Keith and Jennifer Lane are both professors in the BYU﹣Hawaii Religion Department. They have been married for 26 years. They met and married when they were students, and both received their doctorate degrees in religion. Jennifer’s emphasis is the history of Christianity, and Keith’s emphasis is philosophy of religion and theology.
Kenneth Peters, a recent alumnus from Laie, and Zabrina Peters, a freshman from California majoring in elementary education, have been married for eight years. They have five young children, aging from five months to 8 years old, and they are both Samoan.
Merlin Waite, the bishop of Laie Married Students’ Fourth Ward, and his wife, Maria Waite, have been married for 27 years. They have four sons and three daughters. They are both alumni of the BYUH and both educators. They met here at the BYUH when they were attending a Hawaiian Chapter activity and had their first child at the TVA.
Job Akau, a sophomore from the Solomon Islands majoring in TESOL education, and Trempty Akau, a sophomore from the Solomon Islands majoring in social work, have been married for 13 years and have three sons.
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Four couples share personal insights of their happy marriages By Serena Dugar Ioane Four couples with ties to BYU–Hawaii, Merlin and Maria Waite, Jennifer and Keith Lane, Job and Trempty Akau, and Kenneth and Zabrina Peters, shared their wisdom from their marriages to young couples and singles. They highlighted communication skills, spiritual habits, recreational activities, self-care, gratitude, selflessness, and the importance of prioritizing one’s spouse.
The beginning is always hard “Don’t be surprised to find out that marriage is very hard,” said Keith Lane. “It takes a lot of work and effort to make it work.” Religion Associate Professor Keith Lane said he invites everyone to read the biography of President and Sister Kimball. “The first few weeks of their marriage, Sister Kimball [says she] cried almost every day. They are good people, but getting used to each other is that hard. It is important to understand that you are not against each other, but you are on the same side.” BYUH freshman from California majoring in elementary education, Zabrina Peters, said, “The hardest time of our marriage was the very beginning. Adjusting to married life is very difficult, and we fought a lot over little things. When we got married, I got pregnant right away, and it made it even harder. However, after a few years, everything got smoother.” Bishop of the Laie Married Student Fourth Ward Merlin Waite said marriage can be hard, but couples have to work at it, instead of doing an easy blame game. “Rather than finding fault in each other, try to find the good in each other and encourage to do good without nagging,” he said. Life is challenging, so when people get married, they should prepare their mind for mental toughness, according to Job Akau, a sophomore from the Solomon Islands majoring in TESOL. He counseled, “Every day, there will be different challenges to make you stronger. Get to know each other more and be ready to grow together.” Communication A BYUH alumus Kenneth Peters said he has become much better at communicating his feelings since he got married. “If something bothers me, I have to discuss it with my wife and squash it as fast as possible and move on. It is better to be more open to each other.” Job Akau said the secret to he and his wife’s successful marriage is their constant effort to understand each other. “My parents used to fight a lot, and it created negative vibes in our home and was very difficult for me. So I promised myself I will never let my marriage to be like that.
“Getting angry is a choice, so when someone insults you, just let it pass. When my wife gets angry, I try to remain calm to avoid conflict. If the problem was not that big of a thing, we just pretend as if nothing happened.” Trempty Akau. a sophomore also from the Solomon Islands majoring in social work, said, “Sometimes we have hiccups in our relationship mostly because of how to discipline our boys, but we try to solve it as fast as possible. We trust each other and do not tell what to do all the time.” When something bothers Maria Waite, Bishop Waite’s wife, she said she becomes quiet and cleans the house or finds something to distract her. Once she calms down, she said she finds whatever she was upset about was no big deal. “It is up to you to make something a big deal and let it fester or just simply let it go. Ask yourself, ‘In the long run, are you really going to affect that little thing to your marriage?’” Most of the things that happen in people’s daily lives are not worth hurting their relationships with their loved ones, according to Merlin Waite. “Learn to let it go and treasure your marriage. Even bigger things should pass. Don’t let them escalate and grow into something ugly. Don’t let anything hurt your marriage.” The Waites said while their marriage is not perfect, they never argue and yell at each other. “We talk about it later if we think it is worth to talk. We found that most of the time it is not even worth talking,” he said. When children grow older, other communication problems arise, according to Maria Waite. She shared, “We decided that only one of us would do the talking if our children did something wrong. We think one is enough. But if they repeat [their error], the other one will do the disciplining. “Back up each other all the time, so kids will learn that they cannot play you two against each other because we always take the same side. Also teaching them to be respectful from a young age will make things a whole lot easier.” Create a common culture together Dean Jennifer Lane said there will always be inevitable differences in marriage. “Even though we are from the same country, every JANUARY 2020
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family has different cultures. Some things that are important to one family won’t be important for another family. Things that one family does are not acceptable for the other family. “The first few years of marriage were hard due to differences, but we gradually built a shared culture. It takes a lot of effort, time, patience, forgiveness, but it’s possible.” Job Akau said even though he and his wife are both from the Solomon Islands, he is a Polynesian descendant, and she is of Melanesian descent. They grew up speaking different languages and lived in different cultures. When they got married, Pidgin English became their common language, and he said they decided to build their own unique family culture.
“If we stay on the path and get closer to the Lord, we will get closer to each other as well.”
“Our Heavenly Father and the Savior want us to succeed in our marriage and are willing to help us.” Christ
Husband
Spiritual habits Keith Lane said the key to a successful marriage is to be founded on the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. From the perspective of the Church of Jesus Christ, marriage is a very sacred thing that unites two disciples of Christ. Jennifer Lane agreed with her husband’s words, and she said sharing the same faith has helped them to have a happy marriage. “Our Heavenly Father and the Savior want us to succeed in our marriage and are willing to help us. We always make sure we have time to pray and read scriptures together every day. Also going to the temple and serving in the Church together is an essential part of our marriage.”
Jennifer Lane
Wife
She explained these things invite the Holy Spirit and having the Spirit with them makes it easier to be kind, forgiving, and patient, which are important characteristics to have in marriage. “We are both imperfect and still learning, so doing things that invite the Spirit makes a big difference and bring us closer together.” Keith Lane shared, “I admire my wife’s absolute commitment to do the right thing and to be someone who God wants her to be.” When things get harder, always remember the promises of temple marriage, according to Jennifer Lane. “Hoping and trusting in those promises will be an anchor of marriage. Hope helps us to keep trying and keep changing. If we stay on the path and get closer to the Lord, we will get closer to each other as well. If we stayed married, we will be the best versions of ourselves in the future. Keep going forward together and do progress.” Doing spiritual activities together as a family can be difficult when children are young, but it’s important, according to Marlin Waite. He said his family strives to be faithful by praying together, serving in the Church, and studying the scriptures as a family, especially the “Come Follow Me” curriculum. He said they do scripture study every day, even when they struggled at the beginning with young children. Prioritize your spouse “Your spouse is the most important. Who is right is not important, but what is right is important,” said Merlin Waite. “So many things can be said and done. Learn to let go and concentrate on keeping your relationship strong.” Kenneth Peters said with a smile, “People joke, ‘Happy wife, happy life,’ but it’s true. Always make sure your wife is happy. If your wife is happy, 10 out of 10, you will be happy too. Every day, make your wife laugh.” Violence in marriage never works, said Job Akau. He cautioned, “All husbands need to have a strong commitment that no matter how angry they are, or no matter how bad the things their wives [may] have done, physical abuse must not be an option.” Do things together Jennifer Lane explained “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” talks about the importance of wholesome recreational activities
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to build a happy family. Having similar interests and enjoying doing things together is an important part of marriage. “We don’t have everything in common, but we both like birdwatching, walking, and hiking together.” Maria Waite said, “We do a lot of things together as a couple and as a family. My husband has most of the callings and work, so we help him doing his callings, building houses, fixing cars, and many more to train our children for different skills. We also do a lot of service together.” Don’t be selfish Zabrina Peters said, “People think that marriage requires 50 percent, [meaning] 50 percent effort from both sides, but in reality, creating a happy marriage requires both spouses’ 100 percent effort. We do little services, such as letting each other take naps, make dishes, and so on, instead of being materialistic. We don’t give expensive gifts to each other on birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.” Even when things are hard, Zabrina Peters said their children are their biggest motivation. “When you know that someone is depending on you, it changes you faster than anything. In marriage, people grow much faster than being single, but with kids, you grow even more. We grow together a lot as individuals and parents.” Having a successful marriage is a team effort. “Once you’re married, it is no longer ‘I’. It is always ‘we’.You work for the benefit of your family. Some days will be tiring. Some days will be hard, but if you work together, you will get through it,” said Maria Waite. Kenneth Peters said keeping a focus on family can make everything easier. “I focus on what should be done to keep the house and family in order, instead of focusing on what I like to do or don’t like to do. It makes everything smoother. We always try to keep our house as clean as possible. It makes everyone happier.” Self-care While your family should be your priority, don’t forget to also take care of yourself. Zabrina Peters shared, “Self-care is definitely one of the vital parts of marriage. We take turns to exercise. I like to do CrossFit, and my husband likes to go to the gym. I exercise on Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday at 5 a.m., and other days he does.” Kenneth Peters said it is helpful to find something that keep you grounded mentally and physically. “When you are in a better place both mentally and physically, you can be better used for your family. If you are not dealing with things in a correct way, you may take it out on your spouse and children who didn’t do anything to deserve it. Trempty Akau said, “My husband likes to go to gym. Even though sometimes I need his help, I let him go. It helps him to be healthier and be in a good mood.” Be thankful Maria Waite shared, “There is no such thing as a perfect marriage but being grateful and working hard together can make it close to perfect. Always be thankful to your spouse. If you actively looking for what good your spouse has, you will find countless things. “Saying sincere thank you’s for everything, even smaller things like opening a door, will make your spouse feel appreciated. It will cast out the negative attitudes and bring positive vibes at home.” Advice for single individuals Jennifer Lane said if you are faithful to God, you will receive the blessings that God promised. “As an individual, do things that
invite the Holy Spirit. When you are with the Spirit, you will be happy. If you are a happy person, full of love and light, other people want to be around you. Then, it will be easier to make friends, which leads to marriage. Being friendly and being your best self will help you to find a good spouse. “No need to panic, despair, and be discouraged. Everyone has a different journey in this life. Have hope in God’s promises and trust in His timing. Be active and participate in activities and do things you love. Find people who enjoy doing the same things. That is how I met with my husband. Don’t be sad and stuck. Keep moving forward.” Zabrina Peters said, “I learned from a devotional one of the reasons why some of the single girls don’t marry is they like to be chased. If you like someone, just push down your pride and give him a chance. Be friendly with everyone and socialize with other singles. That is how my husband and I met.” Kenneth Peters counseled, “Find a good match who has the same standards as you physically, spiritually, and who appreciate the things you appreciate. Someone on the same level and enjoyable to spend time together. Don’t be afraid to do the first move. If they say no, move on. There are still plenty of singles out there.”
Graphics by Sadie Scadden
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Irvin and Chelsea OrduĂąo playing with their child and dog. Photo by Chad Hsieh
