Creating safe spaces

In the months and weeks after the changes to the Honor Code on Feb. 19 and the clarifications to those changes on March 4, students and faculty at BYU–Hawaii shared some of their confusion and the importance of supporting LGBTQ+ students. LGBTQ+ students also shared their gratitude toward students and administration who have supported them.

“[LGBTQ+ students] are individuals. We want to be looked at as individuals and be valued as individuals not just because we identify as something else,” said Ron Chand, a senior from Fiji majoring in accounting.

Michelle Blimes, an instructor in the Faculty of Education & Social Work, said she has encouraged faculty members to let students, specifically LGBTQ+ students, know they are a safe space, and students can talk to them.

“There’s been some talk about professors putting signs in their office letting students know they are a safe space and showing support for these students. There has been a lot of fear around the Honor Code and [students] being afraid to be out about this part of their identity because of feeling like they would be scrutinized more carefully than straight students would. So, I think a lot of people don’t share that part of themselves and live in a lot of fear.”

On Feb. 19, the Church Educational System announced changes to the Honor Code in order “to be in alignment with the doctrine and policies of the Church.”

A noticeable change for students of CES schools was the removal of the section in the Honor Code addressing “homosexual behavior,” which previously stated while same-sex attraction was not against Honor Code, homosexual behavior did not follow the guidelines.

According to byu.edu, the updated version of the Honor Code contains no reference to the previous section prohibiting homosexual behavior.

This removal caused some confusion among students at CES schools, including students attending BYUH.

Two weeks later, Elder Paul Johnson, commissioner of the Church Educational System, released a statement clarifying what the changes meant.

In the letter, he stated, “One change to the Honor Code language that has raised questions was the removal of a section on ‘Homosexual Behavior.’ The moral standards of the Church did not change with the recent release of the General Handbook or the updated Honor Code.”

The statement continued, “Same-sex romantic behavior cannot lead to eternal marriage and is therefore not compatible with the principles included in the Honor Code.”

Laura Tevaga, director of communication and marketing at BYUH, said, “I want to emphasize the principles of the Honor Code have not changed, and they align with the doctrine and policies of the Church.

“Elder Johnson’s letter ... provides helpful clarification of these principles. For those students who have questions, we would encourage them to visit the Office of Honor or Dean of Students.”

Angela Morales, a junior from the Philippines majoring in psychology and political science, said even though she is not part of the LGBTQ+ community, she found the changes difficult and confusing.

“It’s hard. I feel like I’m also affected because these are my friends. These are people. They’re just like us.”

Iese Wilson, a junior from Hilo majoring in music, shared when he read the clarification letter, he was hurt, even though he did not believe that was the intention of Elder Johnson.

“That pain occurred because I cannot help but long for the level of affection I see on campus. For two weeks, I thought I could join the ranks of all the other couples holding hands, cuddling, and possibly kissing, provided I found someone.”

Chand said while he personally is not bothered by the changes, he knows and acknowledges those who are struggling with them.

“To me, I’m just living the gospel on my own, and that’s what I do. But there are a lot of students … who are still trying to find their place and their standing or their inner peace with all of it … For my people, some of them are struggling with it, and that makes it my business to help them. I’m okay with [the changes]. I know there are a lot of people who are not okay with it.

“For anybody who is Christlike, or a disciple, or wants to be a disciple of Jesus, it’s not okay for you to keep going and … not acknowledge the pain and suffering around you.”

Chand added he believes the time between the changes and clarification caused many of the concerns among students, and it would have been better if the letter accompanied the changes.

“Because there was such a gap between when the Honor Code change came out and

when the letter was released, it left room for private interpretation of what [the changes] meant. And so that’s what created all the chaos among the students because everyone wants to be accepted … More than holding hands or kissing or any kind of PDA, I think it was just the feeling of being accepted they held onto.”

Morales said while she and other students strive to obey the Honor Code, lack of clarification can make it difficult to follow the standards. “We uphold the Honor Code as much as we can. But these confusions make it hard for us to follow [the Honor Code].”

Blimes said while this situation has been hard for many students, it has helped start the conversation between LGBTQ+ students and CES schools.

“As difficult as this update and clarification has been, one of the good things that has come from it is the clarification it is okay to identify as gay, and the university is trying to create a safer space for students on campus.”

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She shared because of the initial announcement, LGBTQ+ students were able to have a meeting with some of the administration at BYUH and discuss what the changes meant and how to help BYUH become a safe space for all students.

“The meeting ended up happening the day after the clarification letter came out,” said Blimes. “It was a difficult time, but it was still an opportunity for the students to share their feelings and to help the university know what needs to be done to create a safer space on campus.”

Chand, who attended the meeting, shared he found the meeting very informative. “They were really helpful in helping us understand they will do whatever they can to make sure the LGBTQ+ students feel safe, and they are able to go through school no matter what they identify as and be able to participate in everything.”

He added they had the meeting out of concern for the safety of LGBTQ+ students and to bring awareness of these issues to the BYUH administration.

“When the [letter] came out, you would have seen if you went to [Facebook] pages like ‘I Love BYUH & PCC,’ there were a lot of people posting, and they were saying derogatory things to gay people. [LGBTQ+] people are worried for their safety, and they are feeling hurt.” Love and acceptance

Chand said one thing he wanted to emphasize is the need for being kind toward LGBTQ+ students and helping them feel more accepted around campus.

“[People] need to realize this is a sensitive matter, to the point where people have committed suicide. Emotions are running high. People are upset. People are depressed. People are sad. If you don’t have anything good to say about it, just don’t say anything at all.”

According to the CDC, a study done in 2015 showed 29 percent of high school-aged teenagers in the United States who identified as lesbian, gay or bisexual had attempted suicide, while only 6 percent of straight students had attempted suicide.

To encourage others to be more loving and accepting, Wilson shared a quote from Elder Holland from the Oct. 2007 Ensign issue.

The quote said, “Some members exclude from their circle of fellowship those who are different. When our actions or words discourage someone from taking full advantage of Church membership, we fail them – and the Lord. The Church is made stronger as we include every member and strengthen one another in service and love.”

Morales wanted to let these students know she and other students and faculty at BYUH are there to support those who need it. “They don’t have to suffer alone. They don’t have to feel alone. People are fighting for them. I am their friend. I will listen to them. If they need a resource, there’s always the counseling center. There are people and faculty who understand them, and I want to say Heavenly Father still loves them, whoever they choose to become.”

Wilson said as part of the LGBTQ+ community, he wants to be accepted and to have the companionship others have.

“So often, people view gayness as just being sex-driven, but at the top of my list is companionship. I, like many of you, simply want joy, salvation, to be loved, and to be in love. The journey is complex, and it looks like I’ll have to wait just a bit longer.”

Wilson shared his personal mission “is to ‘mourn with those that mourn and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.’ I am constantly seeking to connect and empathize privately with anybody who is on this journey and to have an open dialogue with anyone with the sincere intent to achieve understanding.” Value of the Honor Code

While she believes some adjustments could be made to the Honor Code, Morales said it is something she loves about BYUH and one of the reasons she came here.

“I think BYU really creates this protection for individuals of the Church and the students of the university to follow God’s commandments,” she said. “The BYUH Honor Code is also a great resource for following God’s standards. It’s something that is very healthy for students because it makes you more in tune with the Spirit than being on another campus without the Honor Code.”

Chand shared through living the gospel, he has found living by the Honor Code has not been a challenge and believes it is part of what makes BYUH a safe university.

“To keep uniformity and to keep peace anywhere, there needs to be some sort of code and policy to follow. [The Honor Code] is BYU’s code and policy … Personally, I think overall, it does provide us with protection,” he said, but it could be improved. •

“They don’t have to suffer alone. They don’t have to feel alone. People are fighting for them. I am their friend. I will listen to them...and I want to say Heavenly Father still loves them, whoever they choose to become.” - Angela Morales Graphics by Hannah Manalang “They were really helpful in helping us understand they will do whatever they can to make sure the LGBTQ+ students feel safe, and they are able to go through school no matter what they identify as and be able to participate in everything.” - Ron Chand

BY RON CHAND

I was asked to write about my experience at BYU–Hawaii as a gay member of the Church. I think the best word to describe my journey is “progressive.” I came to Hawaii as a closeted person who had to go through some really rough refiner’s fire to find myself. I had to get acquainted with who I am and what my purpose is in life.

My time at BYUH started from being a single man struggling to heal himself from homosexuality, to the point where I got married because of wrong advice. As a Latter-day Saint, I am grateful to have a testimony rooted in God rather than people. It saved my life and allowed me to make some of the toughest decisions. I lived through some of the toughest tests of faith and endured persecution from people who I thought were friends. Being gay was one thing, but being divorced and gay was an even bigger topic around BYUH.

But these were the refiner's fires I mentioned earlier. It takes courage and real faith to stand alone and grab hold of your life. I learned progress doesn't come only when things are going well. Instead, it was my ability to get back up every time life knocked me down that helped me progress.

I could have become so bitter, but then I realized I was looking for validation among the wrong groups of people and situations. Together with the bad, there was so much good waiting for me, but I had to choose to look beyond the persecutions, the silent whispers of gossip and hate. I had to realize some of my own frailties. I also had to fix my own attitudes of how I dealt with situations.

I decided to stand my ground and push through the bad and discover what my new life offered me. I accepted my homosexuality and realized I wasn’t the one struggling with same-gender attraction. The people around me were struggling with accepting my same-gender attraction. People don’t know how hurtful they can be when they lack wisdom, and when someone gets exposed to so much hurt, they start believing all sorts of things they are told.

So how did I come out of this stupor? Choices, tough choices.

With my new life came a new found love between my family and friends. I realized I needed to embrace the blessing of walking this life as a gay man. I decided I had to stop playing the victim and learn to become my own hero. As I became more real to myself, I became more real to the circumstances and people around me. Because of the trials I went through, I was freed from living a life of pretend and fear, free from constantly living to please others and fighting to fit into their idea of how my life should be.

I started to work on increasing my value, getting ready to conquer the world as a gay, brown, Indian, Pacific Islander man. Today, I am preparing to graduate with honors. I have a great job helping others find their potential. I am the president of an NGO (Affirmation Hawaii Chapter) that helps fellow LGBTQ+ friends at BYUH and around Hawaii learn self-empowerment and find their purpose. I also hold a church calling, working with a loving bishop who sees my worth even as I slip and sometimes fall as we all do.

So, “progressive.” My journey has been wholesomely full of God’s refining fire, and it has been amazingly progressive. •

BY JASON BLISS

P h o t o p r o v i d e d b y J a s o n B l i s s J a s o n B l i s s a s k e d , “ W h a t w o u l d y o u d o t o k e e p t h o s e y o u l o v e a l i v e ? ”

I will never forget the first time a physician told us our child might not make it through the night. It wouldn’t be the last time a healthcare expert told us that. Preston is the second oldest of our five children. When he was young, he was diagnosed with a kidney disorder that required ongoing treatments. His frail, little body would often balloon in unusual shapes as he retained fluid, and a common cold could send us racing to the hospital.

As Preston grew older, we often found ourselves in the hospital as his body and mighty spirit worked together to battle his medical condition. He knew the hospital room with its never-ending noise better than his own comfortable bed. Track marks, telling signs of yet another hard-fought battle, covered his arms from the regular IVs and blood draws.

Even at a young age, Preston surpassed most adults in his capacity to show empathy toward those struggling.

During his extended-stay visit, patients in his unit were discharged home. Preston could hear them excitedly packing up their items on the opposite side of the thin, blue hospital curtain dividing our cramped living space.

The first few children to leave brought hope Preston would follow soon, but he didn’t. A day stretched into a week, and he sunk into a deep sadness. When Preston watched another roommate celebrate their departure, he eventually turned to me, with tears flooding his eyes, and said, “Daddy, can I please go home? Please, Daddy, let’s just go home. Please?”

I held my son that day for what felt like hours and let the comfort of my arms provide the love my words couldn’t. His face, once so optimistic, lost faith, and he no longer showed interest when the nurse entered the room to update us. We didn’t go home then, but eventually he improved enough to joyfully plan his return to our family.

Preston was determined to prove the doctors wrong about his limitations. As a family, we knew we needed to make lifestyle changes to protect him. These changes came with some sacrifices, as we were relatively healthy and comfortably social. We have friends. We are actively involved in our faith. We enjoy traveling. At the time, we even had plans to start our own company.

However, in an effort to remain in control of our responsibilities and involved in our communities, we all make poor choices, especially when faced with a contagious illness. How many times have we found ourselves sick at church, work, a restaurant or on a flight for a much-needed vacation? How often did we send our children to school ill because keeping them home would disrupt our schedules?

As a former executive in the healthcare field, I was charged with caring for the aging population in skilled nursing facilities and continuing care retirement communities.

Eventually, I co-founded a large postacute, in-home medical company, providing home health, hospice, and private duty services in various states.

Some of my friends and colleagues in the healthcare industry believe restrictions from the government in response to the novel coronavirus are an over-exaggeration of what is needed, pointing to other diseases that kill a proportionately higher number of patients.

Others argue they don’t go far enough, and they feel frustrated at the lack of compliance they see or read about via media outlets.

Most agree our healthcare system is overwhelmed by COVID-19 and needs support. As we face a contagious disease of global proportions, the potential, lifealtering risks seem almost too great to fully comprehend.

I understand. No one really wants to go into quarantine. Our family’s options were always limited, as our life revolved around a deep understanding of what it means to have an immunosuppressed child.

This isn’t the first time our family had to self-isolate and practice social distancing. Spending five months with limited contact outside of our home was the longest stretch. It was so long, in fact, that our children named our property “the compound,” although that’s not really something you brag about to anyone outside of your family or close friends.

We weren’t doomsday preppers. Instead, our focus was on the health of our family. And if that meant eating basic food from our storage or going without modern conveniences, we’d do it.

It’s hard to change our habits or behavior unless we are compelled to do so. As we learned this, we realized we couldn’t force others to adopt the same vigilant practices we had implemented when they had no reference point.

Preston was preparing for his mission leading up to the changes COVID-19 introduced. He knew immediately this would impact missionaries and likely stall the remaining requirements necessary for his pending missionary application.

Preston Bliss was in and out of the hospital as he battled his medical condition. Photos provided by Jason Bliss

On day two of the state’s mandate to stay home, Preston approached his mom with the same look I remember from the hospital many years ago. “Mom,” he asked. “Can I die from this?”

“No. Well, yes,” she stammered. “But we need to keep you healthy and positive. We’ve had a lot of practice with this, and we’ll be okay.”

Is there really any other answer? I firmly believe that optimism overpowers realism.

In our home, we stand by the idea that positive affirmations can heal our minds and spirits first, with our bodies following. We also believe in times of crisis, good distractions and service prevail.

And so, we did just that. We’ve spent our days giving back. We set up contests for family members and friends: Make a fort and win a prize. Sing a song or perform an original skit. Our phones have become tools for expressing love with regular texts and FaceTime with those who are alone. Our social media accounts are blanketed with hope and positivity to counter the dismal daily updates of those affected around the globe. Where appropriate, we have

sent cash to help those in need or been a sounding board for jobless individuals trying to find employment.

Board games, long buried, have resurfaced. Neglected projects are completed. Home schooling and telephonic music lessons with their instructors continue, as do in-home exercise programs. Days feel longer, and there are plenty of stir-crazed moments where you need time to regroup and laugh at the neverending GIFs showing working parents forced to be home.

Ultimately, we discovered we can create a positive difference in our home by how we respond to a profound life event we will always remember but can’t control. When our children look back on 2020 and the COVID-19 impact, how will they remember it? How will you remember it?

Recently, our 10-year-old daughter overheard us discussing this topic and submitted a hand-written essay she prepared. A few of her comments illustrate how siblings of an immunosuppressed child see this pandemic:

“I don’t want to catch the virus. I don't want to give it to others, especially my family. My brother Preston can’t get sick. He could die if he did.

“We can’t go places anymore. Some families don't have a lot of food or money. We can’t get a lot of toilet paper. Now that’s a crappy problem.

“If I had a magic wand, I would kill the virus and heal those who have it. The virus has got to go!”

When I shared a portion of her thoughts to a larger audience via social media, the feedback was resoundingly positive: “How wonderful! She is what we need more of in the world.” Someone

else said, “Her example is a big part of the cure – mutual mindfulness.”

With this understanding, think about someone you love more than anything else in this world. Visualize them holding your hand, giving you a hug, saying something encouraging or silly and listening to you in time of need. It is likely we all have that image in our minds from the past or present. Now ask yourself, “Would you do anything to keep that person you love alive?” It is times like this that our family expresses appreciation to all of you who willingly do your part to keep our son, your loved ones, and the loved ones of others, healthy. It begins by realizing we are interconnected and have the ability to overcome even the worst events in history, even if we don’t understand it. •

BY KILLIAN CANTO

On the morning of March 12, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints received a notification suspending all member gatherings until further notice in light of circumstances surrounding COVID-19. With no church meetings being held the next Sunday, students and a stake president shared their reaction to and experience with at-home church as prepared them for this time.

Taken aback, but also excited, was how Tyson Hunter, a senior studying business management from California, said he felt when he heard the announcement. He said he thought of Come, Follow Me, the at-home curriculum for Church members to incorporate into their Sunday worship. The curriculum was released at the start of 2019. Hunter said, “It was cool to see how, in such a short amount of time, something like [this] happened.”

Having a similar reaction, Kylee Chamberlain, a sophomore from Nevada studying psychology, said, “I was kind of shocked.” However, she said as soon as she made the connection to the revelations given to members about home-centered church, she became excited.

“[Come, Follow Me] was preparing us for this in a way. We could do [at-home church] better because we have already been able to incorporate it into our day-to-day lives.” Chamberlain said she had felt eager to do more gospel discussions with her roommates.

It was not just students who were surprised. Laie Married Student Stake President Steve Tueller said he did not anticipate this cancellation, but he too realized Church members have been prepared for moments like this. He pointed out the divine role of the prophet and the twelve apostles. “They certainly saw a case where we needed to be more prepared.”

Tueller said when he thought about what they have emphasized over the past few years, they have prepared members through teaching the observance of the Sabbath and introducing the Come, Follow Me curriculum.

Yanique Hadley, a senior from Fiji studying hospitality and tourism management, said she was accepting of not physically going to church. She said she could feel the Spirit the same as when she attends normal Sunday services.

Due to the unusual news of sacrament meeting being canceled, Tueller said members ought to look to their bishop for direction. He said bishops hold the keys to authorize the administration of the sacrament.

Having received a message from his bishop authorizing him to prepare the sacrament, Hunter Blalack, a junior from Montana studying business management, said he administered it in a small group. After their meeting, he said they held a discussion and watched Book of Mormon videos together.

During his small church meeting, Tueller said his son observed a historical tie to the early saints. In an email sent to those in his stake, “He observed that today, we were ‘gathered together’ in very small groups much like the early saints were when the Church was first organized.” Tueller said it was an opportunity to ponder and prepare for the April 2020 General Conference.

In Hunter’s ward, he said those who gave talks were told to post them on the ward’s Facebook group. He said it was a spiritual experience, but “it was definitely a little harder to focus at home.” He said the transition was going to be one of the hardest challenges.

With time, Hunter said families will adjust with their priorities, which may lead to a “spiritual famine.” He explained as individuals “hunger for that spiritual nourishment” they will invite the Spirit to be with them, especially as they have been told to stop Church meetings.

Tueller said, “It’s a sifting experience. It’s an opportunity for the wheat to get ‘wheatier’ and the tares to get ‘tarier.’” He said he fears members might view this absence of meetings to be a vacation and it is up to members to allow themselves a faith-growing or faithshrinking experience. He said he hopes members will return to their meetings with a renewed enthusiasm for home-centered church.

Finding enough people, especially priesthood holders, is one of the challenges both Chamberlain and Hadley shared they face with at-home church.

Hadley said there was only one Melchizedek Priesthood holder who could bless and pass the sacrament during her small meeting.

There were students, Tueller said, who did not have access to a priesthood holder. He shared through talking to their bishop and getting in contact with ministering brothers and sisters, members can find a worthy priesthood holder to administer the ordinance.

Chamberlain said despite having a few people attend, she and her friends were able to maintain the Spirit. “Just like when we go to regular church, we aren’t watching a bunch of movies or going to the beach. [We still kept] it the Sabbath Day.”

With further direction from local Church leaders about social distancing, priesthood holders now only bless and pass the sacrament to those in their same home.

What people put into their at-home church, Blalack said, is what they will get out of it. He explained how following the instructions given by bishops, like wearing your Sunday best to pass the sacrament in your living room, will aid in fostering the Spirit. Comparing sacrament meeting to a funeral, Blalack said, “I’m sure if you were going to a [funeral service], you wouldn’t be late, and you wouldn’t show up in your pajamas.”

Hunter added to Blalack’s thoughts by referencing a talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles where he made an analogy about missionaries. “[Missionaries] could probably teach a perfectly good lesson in flip-flops and board shorts, but when they dress up for the occasion, it says something about the message itself.”

Hunter explained his hopes for people being able to recognize the sacred nature of their homes. “If you feel it stronger in a church building than you do in your own home, there’s probably something you need to change.”

Tueller advised members to be intentional about planning for what they want to experience. By treating at-home church with the same respect as regular church, members will be able to take it seriously, he said. “In a way, it’s a gift,” he explained. “We have been given this trial to learn and get better.” •

BY MADI BERRY

Domestic students who decided to stay in Hawaii during the COVID-19 pandemic said consistency and independence are of the reasons they decided to stay and a desire to grow both personally and spiritually.

Deylan Gudiel, a sophomore from Oregon majoring in intercultural peacebuilding, shared why he decided to stay in Hawaii in the midst of a global pandemic. “I just love Hawaii so much, and it is the only place that actually feels like home to me at this point.”

After moving every couple of months since graduating from high school in Oregon, Gudiel said he wanted to stay in Hawaii because it “is the only consistent place where I have a community and friends and a life.”

Toni Shipp, a junior from California majoring in communications, shared what she is able to gain by staying during this time. “I think

that by staying here, I am really challenging myself to be more independent.”

With more time on her hands, Shipp said she hopes to be of service to her friends who have also stayed in Hawaii. “We have been more like family to each other since we are all in similar situations.”

Jackie Morris, a junior from Virginia majoring in social work, explained her reasoning for staying in Hawaii. “I decided to stay in Hawaii during this time for multiple reasons one of which is I already changed my flight ticket home one time, and I was not capable of changing it again without getting a fee.

“I also decided to stay for safety reasons. Everyone going home at one time had me thinking that airports would not be very safe. And not only it being a risk just to myself, but also me going home and potentially being a carrier for very high-risk, vulnerable people in my home.”

Morris explained the process of making her decision to stay. She said, “I had to make this decision in about 48 hours. I prayed, and I asked my mom and sister to fast and pray with me as well, and ultimately it was … my own decision.”

Gudiel said he hopes to gain more experience in his job at the Media Productions Center during the coronavirus pandemic. “I like what I am learning, and I want to continue developing my portfolio with art and film.”

Shipp explained she feels as though she made the right decision for herself because “everything has worked out for me to be able to stay here. To me, that makes me feel like I made a good decision and the right one for myself in the situation that I am in.”

Morris shared what she hopes to gain personally by staying here. She said, “[I] want to be more spiritually inclined since we, as saints, know that a time like this is just the beginning ... We have to be able to cultivate our revelation and our spirituality in all senses, so that is what I am trying to focus on more.”

Online classes make it easier to prioritize the things he wants to get done, said Gudiel. This allows him to gain experience at work while also growing personally. “In some ways, this has made this easier to make the most of my time and enjoy Hawaii,” he said.

Shipp shared how she has been making the most of her time here amid the restrictions. She commented, “This is forcing me to call home a lot more than I used to, which is great because I am talking to my family much more. I have been able to do random things, such as painting, drawing and writing. I’ve been getting to know my roommates better and even myself better. I have also learned how to create a routine for myself that is healthy.” • Everyone going home at one time had me thinking that airports would not be very safe. And not only it being a risk just to myself, but also me going home and potentially being a carrier for very high-risk, vulnerable people in my home. - Jackie Morris “ ”

Top photo: Friends Shipp, Morris, and Gudiel decide to stay in Hawaii for safety reasons and the opportunity to develop themselves in various areas of their lives. Bottom photo: Shipp shares family calls are more frequent after choosing to stay in Hawaii. Photos by Chad Hsieh and graphic by Esther Insigne